The Courage to be Disliked Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga @audiobook hub

[@znth1]

*THE FIRST NIGHT: DENY TRAUMA* 01:28 - The Unknown 'Third Giant' 07:13 - Why People Can Change 14:03 - Trauma Does Not Exist 21:10 - People Fabricate Anger 26:38 - How to Live Without Being Controlled by the Past 31:10 - Socrates and Adler 34:16 - Are You Okay Just As You Are? 38:33 - Unhappiness Is Something You Choose for Yourself 43:29 - People Always Choose Not to Change 51:58 - You Life Is Decided Here and Now *THE SECOND NIGHT: ALL PROBLEMS ARE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS* 1:00:13 - Why You Dislike Yourself 1:12:24 - All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems 1:17:21 - Feelings of Inferiority Are Subjective Assumptions 1:25:38 - An Inferiority Complex Is an Excuse 1:34:16 - Braggarts Have Feeling of Inferiority 1:45:39 - Life Is Not a Competition 1:51:44 - You’re the Only One Worrying About Your Appearance 2:00:34 - From Power Struggle to Revenge 2:07:46 - Admitting Fault Is Not Defeat 2:12:31 - Overcoming the Tasks That Face You in Life 2:20:02 - Red String and Rigid Chains 2:27:51 - Don’t Fall for the“Life-Lie” 2:33:19 - From the Psychology of Possession to the Psychology of Practice *THE THIRD NIGHT: DISCARD OTHER PEOPLE'S TASKS* 2:37:16 - Deny the Desire for Recognition 2:44:35 - Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others 2:54:03 - How to Seperate Tasks 3:00:44 - Discard Other People’s Tasks 3:05:36 - How to Rid Yourself of Interpersonal Relationship Problems 3:12:33 - Cut the Gordian Knot 3:20:50 - Desire for Recognition Makes You Unfree 3:28:53 - What Real Freedom Is 3:37:47 - You Hold the Cards to Interpersonal Relationships *THE FOURTH NIGHT: WHERE THE CENTER OF THE WORLD IS* 3:47:34 - Individual Psychology and Holism 3:55:03 - The Goal of Interpersonal Relationship Is a Feeling of Community 4:00:36 - Why Am I Only Interested in Myself? 4:05:07 - You Are Not the Center of the World 4:12:19 - Listen to the Voice of a Larger Community 4:22:42 - Do Not Rebuke or Praise 4:31:55 - The Encouragement Approach 4:38:17 - How to Feel You Have Value 4:44:19 - Exist in the Present 4:51:55 - People Cannot Make Proper Use of Self *THE FIFTH NIGHT: TO LIVE IN EARNEST IN THE HERE AND NOW* 5:02:48 - Excessive Self-Consciousness Stifles the Self 5:07:20 - Not Self-Affirmation... Self-Acceptance 5:13:56 - The Difference Between Trust and Confidence 5:25:02 - The Essence of Work Is a Contribution to the Common Good 5:31:50 - Young People Walk Ahead of Adults 5:38:22 - Workaholism Is a Life-Lie 5:47:18 - You Can Be Happy Now 5:56:26 - Two Paths Travelled by Those Wanting to Be 'Special Beings' 6:02:26 - The Courage to Be Normal 6:06:30 - Life Is a Series of Moments 6:10:13 - Live Like You're Dancing 6:16:36 - Shine a Light on the Here and Now 6:21:11 - The Greatest Life-Lie 6:26:40 - Give Meaning to Seemingly Meaningless Life 6:37:42 - Afrerword

[@reacher8042]

Thank you fir this

[@znth1]

@@reacher8042 My pleasure my friend ☺️🙌

[@bethanyyy7695]

I love people who do this for others bless your heart and soul 🤗

[@znth1]

@@bethanyyy7695 And I love people who writes such a beautiful comments like this🥰

[@eHidaya]

Thank youuuuuu

[@riotinvictus]

this book felt like a sucker punch and a hug at the same time. extraordinary. we really do have more power to change our lives than we assume we do

[@rakim126]

Listened to section one 10 times before moving on. Such a powerful yet foreign mode of thought.

[@lakiawoods7763]

Ok glad I wasn’t the only one 😅

[@earthling03]

Exactly

[@johnmountainstone1177]

Skipped it.

[@rakim126]

@johnmountainstone1177 yeah it's just junk. Who needs the foundational rationale of the book laid out. Pfff.

[@MeeMeeG]

@@rakim126lol

[@NannyOggins]

It seems to me that this book largely endorses my own philosophy. You must like yourself, so become what you like and respect, and you will like yourself. Yes, there will be many people who don’t like you so much because you refuse to “play the game” , be manipulated, fulfil their expectations of you. Don’t waste energy, the energy and time of your life, in resentment of them. It’s very important that you come to a place where you REALLY don’t care, so that none of your energy is wasted in negatively. This is a great book and I’m going to buy myself a copy to keep. Many thanks.

[@karadiberlino]

💯💯💯

[@raygrant2439]

You seem to Have a healthy mind set with boundary's and a pleasure to read your comment. For that reason alone it's worth picking up this book with such a high endorsement. A joyful new year to yourself and to everyone else on here who is pursing the up keep of a healthy mindset .

[@Ozzierob]

So beautifully said !!

[@NannyOggins]

@@raygrant2439 Thank you, that is very kind of you. 😊

[@NannyOggins]

@@Ozzierob I appreciate the compliment. Many thanks. 😊

[@spontaneousbootay]

I did not expect this. The best book that i have ever come across. Well written, it is all truth, and its about living in your own truth while allowing others to live theirs. This allows for harmony and greater expression.

[@hx1487]

Theirs, not there's

[@spontaneousbootay]

@@hx1487 ty wrote this while listening at work. Skipped right over that

[@vodkavuitton]

The truth they live in is a lie ✌🏿 key word here is “let” & they are allowed to be delusional as they are. They are not allowed to invade my privacy & interfere with my life for any reason. You have to know for someone to do that to you they have to think the lowest of you & barely sees you as human. When you can’t do the simplest things without being met with surprise & forced praise then it is an insult that indicates they have low expectations of you. It is simply annoying & disgusting af to have these losers in my life & their time is UP ✌🏿

[@danielstaystrong]

"We are not determined by our experience but the meaning we give them" wooooowww super profound. Meditate on that one

[@youtubeviolatedme7123]

That's... that's just postmodernism... it's fifty year old philosophy...

[@YoutubeVideoViewerDEL]

Sounds alot like " life is what you make it"

[@HeBorka]

In other words trauma is not what happens to you, trauma is how you react to the happening.. I know, he is dismissing trauma, but I see the same meaning in different words.

[@peterziggyw]

@@youtubeviolatedme7123How does one deepen their understanding of their own motivations and make personal changes applying your offered label?

[@youtubeviolatedme7123]

​@@peterziggyw ​The original comment neither used the word "deepen" - it used the word "determined" - nor did it mention anything about making personal changes. Like the original comment, postmodernism does not offer any explicit methods to "deepen their understanding of their own motivations and make personal changes". Postmodernism is a result of observing that our identity is merely a single branch of multiple possibilities, and rejecting "the certainty of knowledge and stable meaning" as Wikipedia describes it. I take no issues with the book. The book offers ample answers to your question: By contributing to the social interest, we empathize with the experiences of various individuals, and acquire a more well-rounded understanding of the experiences which make life meaningful. Then we can choose to can stop letting our experiences take control of our identity by adopting a more commanding responsibility over how we perceive our experiences, allowing us to establish a healthier fictional final goal.

[@akatevivid]

Wonderful. When i first picked this book up like an year ago, i couldnt really understand anything. It’s been an year and i picked this book up again. And now every word made sense. I guess there is always certain time for things.

[@captainlennyjapan27]

This book was a massive hit in Japan and Korea. I’ve met the author himself multiple times fortunately. Highly recommended.

[@1dw1]

3:14:30 He pulled out his sword and sliced it in half with one stroke. "Destiny is not something brought by legend. But by clearing away with ones own sword." Wow

[@NoaNoir]

3:32:38 Freedom is being disliked by other because you are not bending to their will. You are not their puppet. You are living by your own principles. No fear of being disliked and unconcerned by their opinions is freedom. 5:53:25 The desire for recognition is a means to liking yourself, we value that but there is no freedom from that. Contribution to God and servants to other as ordained by God gives freedom. 6:01:00 Problem behavior is a way to get attention for problem behavior. 6:10:27 A life of greatness is a series of present moments. 6:22:50 Don't wait to live see the present moments as your life, not a destination. Not doing so postpones life when we think of life as a preparatory stage for the future. Life is always simple.

[@gemmadidit4118]

What always moves me is that in times of crisis or sadness there is always something absurd or beautiful that lets me know that this too shall pass...🥺😊

[@sherececocco]

Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 My birthday wish I wish to stay as long as present will have me. The valley of no winner is a breath of fresh air.

[@ignaciohernandez8832]

Hi

[@monk_cat]

Is this what being delusional means?

[@Falas5898]

I think being disliked is not necessarily about telling the truth but the attitude while telling it. One can tell the same truth to hurt or to help. One can tell the same truth with a soothing voice or with a condescending voice.

[@MildExplosion]

So true. People who call themselves "brutally honest" are usually more interested in being brutal than honest.

[@MissAmber_lee]

I agree! I dated a narcissist who accused me of trying to poison him and our child because I didn’t rinse the soap off the dishes enough. Said he was “just being honest how he felt” sometimes people don’t have the filter we need to be civilized.

[@jskyler7]

⁠@@MissAmber_leeThat’s disgusting. Unless you’re under the age of 12 you should know how to properly rinse a dish.

[@shawnmendrek3544]

Valid point. Did not think of this.

[@shawnmendrek3544]

@@MissAmber_lee woa.

[@inamdararsh]

The book with deepest insights...!! You need minimum 2 times reading or listening to absorb it completely!! Thanks both the authors. Ichiro Kashimi & Fumitake Koga

[@user-z57h]

Yay! an audiobook that is not narrated by a robot. Can't wait to listen. Thank you

[@ecognitio9605]

Satire surely? Sounds like a robot

[@ScooterCat64]

@@ecognitio9605 What do you expect someone reading a book to sound like?

[@BecomingLizzyBlue]

Only about 20 minutes in, and already, while I think the ideas have possibilities, there’s a flawed premise. He states that if the etiological theory was true all abuse victims would experience the same reactions. However, we are shaped by both our genetic traits and the sum of our experiences. Even with those who share a common traumatic experience there will be different degrees as well as other influences that play a role. However, while people experiencing similar trauma may not all react in exactly the same way, psychologists actually have identified behaviors common to a large number of them. I think the most effective approach is one that would integrate aspects of all the leading theories. I’ve never understood the insistence on dedication to one expert or theory to the exclusion of all others. It does not diminish the importance of one theory to acknowledge the merits of another. Even seemingly contradictory approaches can often exist alongside each other.

[@GerardoGart]

The thing is with the other method of thinking, there's not even a point to seeking help because, ultimately, you're the result of the experience alone and no matter what you do. You can not escape the effects of it.

[@Lala-lw6pi]

@@GerardoGartnot true. The point is evolving, leveling up and expanding and to do that u must face ur fears, traumas and other intergenerational blocks that were passed down from generations before us. This is why the whole world currently has had some sort of trauma or another- its the special ones that learn to TRANSMUTE that cycle 🔁 that seems to keep coming back worst generation after the other until that one person breaks this cycle. Its not easy because u have to face fears and harsh truths but the key is to do it with self love and self compassion and self acceptance that u are a soul having a human experience, the human has to go through situations and does the best they can by the level of consciousness they are at. So, u did the best u could in the past- dont shame or guilt ur self for ur trauma, pain or the result of those traumas such as whatever negative thing u thought of when u typed up “were stuck with those things”. True healing actually happens after u face rhem and see that its true, trauma exists. We lived in war, chaos and so much in the past couple of thousand of years. You would be completely out of ur mind if u did not inherit some sort of trauma, nor to mention the trauma u carried on from this life as a child. But again- theres even a deeper spiritual reasoning for all of this that I can get into but I talk to much 😂 so: just know these blocks, once broken and transmuted and cycles are broken (death of the old) u simultaneously birth new lineage; as a result both the collective consciousness is expanded (this is the goal of this whole thing), when u level up and evolve, ur own consciousness is expanded and lastly u birth new lineages of children/ family in ur blood line is being expanded. So; these traumas exist and they are real but they are the stepping stone or test needed to pass to evolve and expand.

[@Lala-lw6pi]

@@GerardoGartu are not the result of experiences. U have the choice to keep ur eyes closed and pretending the experiences dont exist and staying stuck in a fearful “dark night” of the soul place, or u have the choice to transmute them and allow u to evolve unto ur next level self. You are the RESULT OF THE CHOICE U MAKE WHEN you finally HIT ROCK BOTTOM/ go into ur own underworld of ur subconscious to face all that needs to be released. U can choose to be a helpless victim because it gives u the easy way out of not taking responsibility for ur own healing ho matter how uncomfortable it may seem, or ur second choice results in being ur next level self who is richer, more aware, intelligent, powerful and so much more that u become when u evolve. U become a MASTER .

[@celestejones-vd8vq]

I think you should accept that you can change. It’s not a perfect ideology but it is worth implementing into your life. Ur past is in fact no longer I. Existence. So the bearing it has on your life does come from the meaning behind it. As for genetic factors look at people who are born dead and blind. Because of there genes can they not have a good life? Because they were born with birth defects and disabilities? No, they are some of the most powerful people who accomplish things that people who don’t have those disabilities don’t achieve.

[@Isabella-cm8wr]

@@GerardoGart The problem is that the other viewpoint is made to look like the goal is to say "this is why you're like this, it's not your fault so you dont have to do anything about it", when the most common thing to do is acknowledge your formative experiences and identify what things made you the way that you are, and redirect those effects into something better. For example, if someone is paranoid because of a traumatic event, psychologists dont just say "it was not your fault so keep being paranoid", they will try to redirect you to healthier behaviors in response to the event.

[@celestejones-vd8vq]

This book has changed my life. The superiority bit about not wanting to be normal and jumping from such extremes from going to good to bad literally speaks to my soul. Why didn’t I know about this book??! I’m 25, so I have 10 years and by 35 I should be able to have a freedom in interpersonal relationships that are not vertical but horizontal, and have the true freedom in not having validation from others. We can change ❤

[@rozyarjamalsaida]

just as the philosopher says at the last moments maybe you needed to hear these things when you are 25

[@harrybellingham98]

i read this book years ago but i never read the book ive read twice over the past few days. sometimes youre not ready to hear the words like the book says

[@YuliaGrushevskaya-bi6he]

😊I am so used to it I was disliked by my family from my childhood i was always speaking up my mind that was Way too different from them I had different reactions thoughts dreams 😊😅 I am fine being different, I am glad I am out of my native country so I can discover other crazy people who are even more crazy 😅😊

[@angelmossucco]

😂

[@Tr25_]

Yo im pretty crazy myself, im surprised someone else says the same, ive always felt a lot different from everyone i've ever met as well. Interesting. Hope you're doing well and stuff!

[@restlessnosleep]

I like how he confronted the fear of being normal. It’s great to hear that addressed in a modern philosophical and practical perspective

[@1dw1]

"We are not determined by our experiences. But the meaning we give them is self determining." 16:53

[@serenesapiens1046]

I think it comes from a place of trauma we've faced and watched others experience the same around us. FEAR, ANXIOUSNESS AND HELPLESSNESS might be the main factors that influence our people pleasing traits. We never want to hear, " I told you so." or " You deserved it." We are shaped by our society not because we want to, but, to conform into normal and peaceful living. One thing I understood from reading this book is that it serves to be useless for the people who undergo extreme amount of discrimination and exploitation on a daily basis. But if you do not belong to that group, then, go for it.

[@pjk8703]

This book came up in my algorithm and glad it do. Love the creative style and recaps every few chapters. My hand has cramped up from taking so many notes😂! Tnx for the upload.

[@Sei1989]

This emotionally moved me towards the end. Time to go put the things I learned into my daily life so I can understand this book better. Thank you for the upload.

[@OnlyOneGedeon]

Come back and listen to it again. I was moved the first time I listened to this, but listening to it the second and third time was in itself a different kind of experience

[@Sei1989]

@@OnlyOneGedeon I just finished the sequel, "The Courage To Be Happy" and that moved me even more. I plan on listening to this as I continue to mature more. I will keep this in mind. Thanks Gedeon

[@OnlyOneGedeon]

@@Sei1989 I didn’t even know there was a sequel. Thank you for the tip! Now I know what to listening to next.

[@sherececocco]

How should one treat a child? Like a human being ❤ Not something that needs to be fabricated. I wish everyone understood this.

[@shawnmendrek3544]

This should not need to be explained. Says a lot about some folk in society.

[@mziwandilemazibuko7522]

What a mind hacking positive book mind blowing ❤👍👍👌🙏

[@user-z57h]

Im still in the first half of this book and i already love it so much. So easy to listen eventhough i usually have trouble concentrating. Ive never seen such a format of writing before, in the form of a dialogue. Just awesome

[@AndikaWriters]

Nice, is it? Another dialogue that is so well narrated is Napoleon Hill's Outwitting the Devil. Also thought provoking and strengthening.

[@simpledown]

i think this is my favorite book… ever? or at least one of my favorites. i’m actually listening for the second time already, it’s been quite life-changing really :)) so thank you, a lot!

[@deseanlothian]

I gotta relisten whenever I relapse.

[@mayaneartheart8620]

What other books have been similarly empowering to you?

[@niegellhenry1367]

No more Mr nicer guy

[@michelleeven24]

Replying so you resisten again 😉

[@mare2723]

My present moment is full of trauma sweats so being here now is not pleasant. I really need a good friend more than I ever have in my whole life.

[@lindamon5101]

Try wim hof

[@creepystack1090]

it will get better ✨💫🌟 hope you find someone to talk to

[@sherececocco]

Be the friend you desire ✨️

[@AshWroteThis]

❤❤

[@sherececocco]

Trauma is a lesson. Learning is difficult. I am a 10 of 10 in the ACE test. We will figure it out, we always do. ❤️

[@aronbartal]

Student: Angry shouting bla bla bla Philosopher: No 💅

[@threestringsomg]

This book is a fabulous achievement. Thankyou for sharing. This listener 🐎 could not stop drinking at this essential water👍

[@Micscience]

The problem with not being attached to the I, or in other words not being self centered is, you have to rely on others constantly or you'll become lonely. I have experienced this when I was much younger and I still see it in others. That is those who shift from being concerned with themselves, and start becoming concerned for others will always need other people around. I do admit I am self centered however, I can be by myself for a long period of time and not feel lonely. I would like the best of both worlds to be honest. I feel like I am stuck in between two ways of seeing the world.

[@YoutubeVideoViewerDEL]

That's not a bad spot to be. I feel most times, the "answer" it a little bit of both...whatever both may be. Certainly this is not true 100% of the time.

[@shawnpatrickmckendrick]

Google "Celestine Prophecy"

[@MildExplosion]

Look up avoidant attachment style and see if it resonates with you.

[@fatamajolly6012]

Very good book.Life-changing. I Highly recommend it.

[@ida.wendigo]

This book is more for people who are neurotypical and had a normal upbringing with no trauma or mental disorders. It has a pseudoscientific explanation for the human psychology. I personally am amused, when a writer lets the character he likes more/agrees with speak soft, logical and patiently. While the character he doesn’t agree, is the one who seems emotional and wild. Many people let themselves be fooled by how someone speaks instead listening what the person says.

[@VIAl1]

You are using your neurological difrences as a tool to disregard the fact you DO have control over your behavior.❤

[@nkaoticz7069]

​@@VIAl1 I've just started the book but I find it interesting that it bypasses how some people with trauma at times aren't aware that some issues need to be changed in the first place (I've had to go through the process of having other people tell me that my responses to certain things are abnormal...it was only then that i could begin to change. Without that I would've been none the wiser). There's like this weird in between place from how you are now to where you want to be, that can at times be lost when looking through a broken lense. I agree to the idea that we are in control of ourselves and our emotions but their are caveats to this philosophy/psychology that aren't accounted for within the few arguments I've heard so far. I hope that the more I continue to listen, the more it'll account for these things. Unless we assume that for every circumstance being talked about we have already skipped that part (though I find the recognition aspect just as difficult at times as the overcoming to change aspect/seek better avenues to respond to things aspect).

[@nkaoticz7069]

You're right, for a lot of arguments presented to support philosophical discussions (especially early Greek ones which I assume the author was inspired by) have this type of back and forth in which typically the opposition is the aggressive one with lackluster end all be all claims and bad refutes. Despite this, there can be some good points that can be taken away from arguments formated like this.

[@gagikaonline96]

I think it just needs an additional chapter for disabilities and differences. The book touches on how we start accepting oneself, no pity included, so being neurodivergent fits. Even if it seems weird at first, the example with the “writing a book one day” is perfectly fit for ADHD people who dream of waking up with a sense of time management, which is just like a paraplegic hoping tomorrow they’ll wake up with working legs. The additional chapter would need to focus on self-awareness and removing pathological language, because how could ND people fight for themselves when medical literature barely cares to present us with information newer than the 80s and our therapists think we’re lite psychopaths or use bpd as a replacement term for hysteria. This is exactly why it fits great, because we’ve been indoctrinated into hating our traits and masking them since before having memories of any kind and we face a world that actively hates us. It isn’t our fault, but no one else will change these bullshit realities if we take on the opinions of those who hate us. The average neurotypical fights a mild social mannerism or perhaps a sad childhood, but we fight to exist without being locked in hospitals or for our children to not be treated like dogs and electrocuted in ABA programs. We cannot win if we don’t have the courage to be seen as we really are. A term I really like recently and a wonderful movement is cripple punk, which wishes to improve the life of disabled individuals by empowering them to reclaim their place. It involves accepting that you’ll never be cured and throwing away the desperate fight of becoming normal. Of course, it’s not a “one size fits all” and it has extremists who refuse to take pills, but it’s mostly people who refuse to be made miserable by other’s pity for their condition. Assuming one is of sound mind, obviously, I find this movement to have the same rebellious energy as this book. It’s less “your situation is your fault” and more “your happiness is your responsibility and you better seize it” with a side of tough love.

[@gagikaonline96]

but I do agree that it’s annoying how the “good side” is always calm and dispassionate while the “wrong side” is jittery. Indeed, I wish there was an audiobook with different acting choices @ida.wendingo

[@JustMe-ob3nw]

“Listen to the voice of a larger community” - well, not possible since most people are efff up and doing this will make you go back to the main point of the book. So, be a Stoic. Stoicism saved my life. Much simpler and to the point.

[@paulacook5772]

Nailed it 😂😂😂😂😂

[@paulacook5772]

Nailed it 😂😂😂

[@paulvaughan3699]

Stoicism can cause a hidden build up of stress. Ending with a violent snap. There is no answer to existence, only approach

[@billhicks8]

I don't think this book is at odds with Stoicism at all. You might want to expand your range a little bit.

[@sherececocco]

I'm sticking with shadow work for unlearning. I don't believe shadow work could ever lead to a snap.

[@Metaphyical0samak]

I'm Grateful god that you put me ahead of the pack I am truly grateful I have the power to create whatever I want in life

[@chocksaway100]

When you tell the truth you will be disliked.

[@musiciscool3096]

It's not the truth. Practical? Obviously. True? I wouldn't necessarily say so. All the best lies contain nuggets of truth and utility. What serves as medicine to some may be poison to others, and I would reckon, on a grand scale, this philosophy is more poison than panacea. A comfort to those who have experienced less than they believe they have, and rather toxic towards those who have experienced more than they know they should. Comfort for the comfortable.

[@wendyhannan2454]

Good point, people often don’t like the truth.

[@aakarshverma5793]

But mostly it isn't the right time to tell the truth and people just tend to be wannabe badass or something

[@KK-gi3wt]

Who's truth are you referring to? Remember your truth is just that "yours".

[@NEENABORDEAUX]

I feel this may belief may be a bit limiting. The right people will appreciate your truth:)

[@shaziashaikh7328]

The author surely has the courage to be disliked

[@BecomingLizzyBlue]

This book is such a mixed bag. It offers some incredible insight into concepts such as equality and judgement and examines the pitfalls of current thinking about such topics as praise as a motivational tool. Yet, it’s simultaneously flippant and frankly irresponsible in addressing more serious issues. To say that trauma doesn’t exist or to suggest, for example, that a child cutting themselves is simply trying to get revenge on their parents, displays an astonishing lack of both biological and psychological knowledge or understanding, and the dismissive attitude could result in serious harm. Self help books should never give advice for serious psychological disorders. Unfortunately, the Adlerian approach dismisses the existence of mental disorders with physical causes, such as chemical imbalances, which have been established by medical science. That’s the problem with relying solely on a theory that’s more than a century old. Additionally, while I agree that the punishment/reward system of education is ineffective, he doesn’t give any suggestions for a viable alternative approach. To simply say to a child that it’s their task will often result in their tasks not being completed. Children need guidance. And while he makes some good points about the downside of praise, gratitude can be used to manipulate just as easily, as it’s still an external means of validation, not to mention that, like praise, it’s open to insincerity. There are points in the book where the youth is right; the philosopher actually is engaging in sophistry, or at least offers arguments that only apply in certain circumstances. For example, his assertion that all wealthy people who continue to work and/or contribute to charity do so out of a need to contribute and to feel they have value is just an opinion, and a naive one at that. While it certainly applies to some, there are others who are driven by greed or a need for status or to look good to others. It’s one thing to aspire not to judge them or to acknowledge there may be underlying reasons for their behavior, but to dismiss the possibility and ascribe motives that better fit his point is just denying reality. His question as to whether the youth could continually betray someone who displayed confidence is equally naive. While the youth might not, there are certainly people who can and would. It’s a core trait of Machiavellists, narcissists, and sociopaths. Moreover, he contradicts this view when it suits some other point he’s making. But what can you expect from someone who seems unaware that Freud has been largely discredited in the modern psychological community?

[@bogdanhomei7734]

Alderian definitely didn't try drugs to see the difference between mental disorders and healthy people and how the brain works after unhealthy a nervous system, health plays a big role in how people think and feels

[@Lelough_]

The child who end up cutting themselves is a result of parents enforcing their will on the child. If the child was left to live it's own will withing the bound of physical protection by parents and total exploration of their own likes, a child will not misbehave or cut themselves.

[@chorizo4920]

Well even though gratitude can still manipulate, at the very least I would say it has way less manipulation element than reward and punishment. We still need a way to convey thanks, and I think it's heathier at least if the language is based on equality rather than vertical relations. I think what determines this for me, is that when people say thanks instead of making a rewarding statement, I don't feel like I am prompted to give them a response, and can just be comfortable. You are right in that it is not perfect, but its still better than the alternative. As long as we interact with people, as long as we affect them, we are manipulating them in some way, but some of it is completely out of our control.

[@blowitoutyourcunt7675]

Yeah this book needs to be taken like a martini, with the Hefty dose of salt. As someone who's been to Japan and observed up close and personal for quite a while, there are several aspects of Japanese culture and society which are hugely detrimental to them and should not be exported to the rest of us. While they excel in the technical Sciences like computers etc, they're woefully behind in biological sciences, especially what's being taught in the basic K through 12 education, so it comes as no surprise to me that no thought is given to physical causes of mental disorders. I really want to like this book, as I enjoyed reading it but it's flippancy in regards to trauma and mental illness leave a real bad taste in the mouth : |

[@blowitoutyourcunt7675]

@@Lelough_ A child raised parentless in the world you described wouldn't live long enough to cut itself because it would have died from misadventure long before it approached those years. Clearly you've had no interaction with a child underneath the age of 10 and don't understand how much safeguarding they need to survive to the next day. Try parenting before commenting on how to raise a child : ) *Mum (bio&foster), also career Nanny

[@alexispaterson814]

I've had the courage to not be liked all my life. My philosophy is If you don't like me don't waste our time

[@MarcosRodriguez-gj8vi]

Thanks for the audiobook! Notes: 04:00 Adlerian Psychology: Was Adler a disciple of Freud? 13:30 Ethiology vs. Theliology 16:25 No experience is it itself 44:01 Lifestyle: The tendencies of thought in action in life

[@Tylanneru]

That's a great question! Alfred Adler did actually start out as a follower of Freud, and he was even a member of Freud's inner circle of followers, known as the Vienna Psychoanalytic Society. However, over time, Adler began to develop his own ideas about psychology and human behavior, and he started to disagree with some of Freud's core beliefs. Eventually, he broke away from Freudian psychoanalysis and developed his own school of thought, known as individual psychology. So, you could say that Adler was once a disciple of Freud, but he ultimately rejected some of Freud's ideas and went his own way.

[@9hyrm]

i've been wanting to read this book because i know that in theory being a people pleaser is not healthy, but i've seen what being disliked do to others and i don't want it to happen to me. let's see if this book will change my mindset. i hope i stick around to the very end to make an update

[@maurohockx8954]

what happened to the people what you didn't want to happen to yourself?

[@Aelffwynn]

What's the verdict?

[@alicia2484]

I was a chronic people pleaser and I lost myself and got used now I have more respect genuine friends peace and energy this book is the ultimate guide to why people pleasing is self destruction

[@shinrin-yoku3877]

I don't want to be "Y". I want to be me. In wanting to be me I am loving myself.

[@thedakinioracle]

The title is all I need, thank u

[@cutienerdgirl]

5:10 - 6:28 *Wow! I never thought of accomplishments like that!* 😲 💡 I've always been afraid of oblivion, of not being remembered after and before my death. Alfred Alder just made me realize that having a true impact on the World means what you've invented and done becomes so ingrained in everyone's everyday life that they don't need to remember you.

[@reneelouw101]

Hello all, awesome lessons! I am now dancing through life, again. Took 3 months to finish audiobook the first time, then two days from beginning to end.🤩

[@3plebron]

listened to this for the 4th time. Such a 💎

[@SteffiDas-n9m]

somewhere this has been a good life practice for my own life,i am hoping this audiobook will practically push me forward,looking forward to listening to it full,thanks in advance

[@Deepfocus0228]

I am taking a dayoff work to understood this Golden book.Thankyou

[@carolgerber6375]

Maybe this author should read 'The Body Keeps the Score'.

[@AshWroteThis]

Why do you say that? Just wondering.

[@rakim126]

I think op is referring to adlers rejection of trauma and emotion as significant drivers of a humans behavior

[@AshWroteThis]

@@rakim126 yes thank you! I hadn't listened before asking ( was trying to avoid an unnecessary triggering haha). But I listened... And now I get it. Slight trigger but worthwhile if one's ultimate goal is to get unstuck and embrace the integration stage of trauma recovery. ✌🏾💛

[@rakim126]

@AshWroteThis being told to ignore your trauma seems like bad advice. But it can definitely be empowering to say "I'm in control of how I deal with every situation. No ifs ands or buts about it." I like it so far.

[@AshWroteThis]

@@rakim126 for sure. me too so far. Couple breakthrough concepts for sure.

[@galina536]

absolutely amazing book!

[@angelkinney44]

This book is actually really good. I’m glad I decided to put it in hold a second time and wait at the library before listening to the audiobook. The combination of hearing And seeing really helped me to grasp the book. Definitely will buy it to read again and annotate 🎉

[@BecomingLizzyBlue]

Ironically, the discussion itself undermines part of the philosopher’s argument as many of his points “judge” the Adlerian philosophy as being a superior, more desirable way of thinking. And the very act of being a teacher, mentor, counselor etc creates a vertical position of a wiser or more knowledgeable person leading another.

[@billhicks8]

You've missed the point. The idea is not that there is no such thing as "better" or "worse", nor that there isn't a difference in knowledge or expertise with people in certain fields. It is that the philosophy is a framework that is arguing for a way of free living, and it is up to the "youth" to accept it or not. There is no imposition being made by the "philosopher", nor is the superiority anything more than a value judgement to be decided by the individual

[@Metaphyical0samak]

Thank you for this i am afriad and anxious thats just what i needed to take that leap of faith

[@herbalvenus209]

This book randomly found me as well. As a big fan of Freud especially Jung, this book really is challenging me but at the same time it’s filling the missing pieces…

[@mightytaiger3000]

“as a big fan of freud, especially jung” makes as much sense as saying “as a big fan of madonna, especially britney”… Jung and Freud are at such odds anyway, not sure how you’re a fan of both. It’d make more sense to say you’re a fan of psychology, especially of jung.

[@MegaSmk]

there are different approaches to achieve inner peace, if you're on the way this could be very empowering for you. Well-written and researched.

[@Lilhyna]

I have a tattoo that says “all in your mind” so much of this makes sense and I learned so much more. The first 2 hours blew my mind with the inferiority.

[@viktoriab4293]

So soothing☺️

[@ekinholingo]

Sensacional. Parabéns pela trabalho.

[@sherececocco]

❤ Happiness is homemade ❤ You are your home.

[@wisdom7197]

books really save years of our lives.

[@izzythizzzy]

I'm a huge fan of Alan Watts. One of my favorite KZbin videos is "Alan Watts-Buddahism as a dialect". This book feels exactly like that and has instantly became my favorite book. Amazing. Thank you.

[@murshidarakhondker8569]

Alan watts buddahism as a dialect🎉

[@Pauline-bg6ud]

Adlerian theories are intended to assist people to create a world for themselves where one is able to sustain who they are. This is fundamentally what all the differing ideas are directed to. Successful relationships allow a person to be themselves, true to themselves and therefore a mutual relationship exists for others.

[@Protocol-Media-57]

The reader is really good I felt as if I was watching a movie

[@riverbilly64]

13-14 August 2024 - Listened from Central Kentucky.

[@thembimthembu9461]

Beautiful read 🙏🏾thank you

[@santorinishealth8]

This is something else. Good audibook!

[@sherececocco]

❤️ your own doing ❤️ mmmmm. So valuable. This book found me yesterday. I have never heard of it and somehow it seems to know me.

[@Yjs28]

I Love this audiobook!

[@Achrononmaster]

@18:00 you need to be careful framing things this way. No one can choose to walk on water or survive cancer or avoid a car crash due to a drunk oncoming driver. We only get to choose what is highly constrained and open to so-called free will, we cannot choose anything more. So we can choose to ignore traumatic events as ongoing pain, and instead take them as lessons and chances to spiritually grow. People who can do this are rare. To be kind and compassionate is in part to ease the suffering of people who cannot easily accomplish such inner transformation by themselves.

[@TkyoSam]

Don't mind me, just leaving a bookmark for myself lol 1:31:23

[@offgridchic]

Totally mindblown 🎉 we determine our own fate

[@JGArtemis]

I needed this book I think

[@lyzawolfgramm5587]

Thank you for sharing this was a great book and it definitely want to re-read!

[@Marcella88841]

If we understand trauma as a wound, it indeed can exist; and in this context, it can also be healed. I have more of a problem believing there is any such thing as the past, since we are really just living in the eternal present or now. Anger is an energy, and is neither agathos or kakos. We are energy and express its various forms, though mostly unconsciously. Everything is energy in fact and unhappiness is the awareness of separation we insist upon.

[@yuma7398]

Yeah I thought the same thing about the trauma part... It's something that hurt you but you can heal from it. You're not doomed to act in a certain way because of trauma and are still able to change as a person, even though the past was bad.

[@ВікторіяДоскочинська]

Well apparently this philosopher never experienced ptsd or anxiety disorder or dpdr. 6 years ago I had very bad trip. And up until this time my body associates positive emotions with drugs despite me being clean and sober for over 5 years. Once I start feeling love I get anxiety or panic attack. Mental health problems do exist and it is not just a choice!

[@thedingo8833]

I wuit listening when he said it was attention seeking behavior to not be able to leave the house. I’ve seen most hermit like people receiving NO attention from anyone. Practically invisible. Completely withdrawn. It just doesn’t play out

[@afornow77755]

Wow, this book is such an incredible mirror. 😮😬 Never come across a work that so adamantly will not let you (comfortably) run away from yourself, not even in the slightest bit, lol. It’s like the embodiment of unadulterated accountability, no chaser 🙃😅 And even many of the comments it’s inspiring here are super ironically such a confirming reflection (no pun intended) of its mirroring effects. Just as it is with the “youth” in the book. It’s quite the meta mindfck, lol… kinda feels like watching inception from the inside. Well, anyways, very interesting read 🧐🙂 thanks for uploading!

[@akashmathur3896]

Please upload more self help books

[@NN-fz4pd]

I was avoiding this book because it looked too boring but the British accent really helps making it pleasing to listen to. Reminds me of Harry Potter audiobooks now!

[@NickwatchesYTtho]

What about people brain disabilities or people with dopamine issues? They can't think their way to be a certain way

[@bethanyyy7695]

Thank you for uploading 🤗

[@JM-zt8vq]

The Youth is the most unlikeable cartoon character I've ever encountered

[@b3makinn]

Master discerning task responsibility and stop seeking recognition. Then go in peace and service the he world.

[@patricia753]

Beautifully read!!! Thank you!!!

[@renatanikartaite2276]

Amazing ❤ i hope you upload more books like this 🤓💜

[@momocita77]

I have read it. It’s a good book.

[@jacoblogan]

This is interesting and has a lot of truth to it. But it's being presented 1 dimensionally. Situations are clearly a combination of BOTH eteological and teleological factors. The control you have teleologically varies in degree, and that degree is determined eteologically.

[@rakim126]

True but the minds obsession with etiology and its constant use by the ego to excuse self destructive behavior make it useless for being happy. Teleogy is the only possible route to happiness so why even bother with the fundamentally burdensome concept of etiology? Even to assign a cause to anything outside of your own decision making is to sacrifice power over your own life. Etiology is a slippery slope and useless concept to the person who wants to be happy.

[@jaderabbit1267]

51:00 Change is scary. I want to change but I'm scared

[@jaderabbit1267]

55:32 If he is rejected, then so be it

[@sbaumgartner9848]

Take one small step at a time. If things don't go well or you go backwards, keep going forward another step. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Surround yourself with good books like this. You are where you are today based on the five people you spend the most time with. Take a good look at these people and if they aren't the people you want to spend your precious heart beats with, slowly seek out more like minded people.

[@DMoni2992]

Wow, thank you so much! I'm excited to read. Edit: Third night was so on point for me. 🙏🏼❤️

[@7ditvavv_baab463]

I enjoyed listening this book 📕 it is wonderful! Thanks so much ❤

[@forgotthepassword2636]

When he says "you're choosing to be _____" he means unconscious decisions you take according to your feelings about the situation you're in. Once you take accountability for your actions (or make it conscious) then, you can "choose" how you feel or be. That's my conclusion.

[@dizzydino1]

One can always pin and return blame to the one who blames and pins accusations to others .. ( projection) ... I wouldn t bother too much, its s important learning to love oneself 😊😊😊

[@Pauline-bg6ud]

When I was raising my youngest children I participated in an Adlerian parenting group…known as the step program.. everyone needs this program it is a life saver.

[@vc6122]

Love you❤ I was going to purchase in audible lol glad that I found you

[@ferhatbouziane-5943]

thank you so much for this upload

[@haidikariem7342]

12:20 teliology the study of the purpose of given goal

[@harunamin6029]

Never to late to make the conscience decision to be happy.

[@DCBUNDLESHAIR]

I love love this book!!!

[@Vyaptvishnu]

6:50:05 Thanks for providing this audiobook.😀

[@jehdsbs]

i really don't agree with the trauma part of course your future is not set in stone because of what has happened to you but i have worked through a lot of my own trauma and that has definitely given me much more ability to be confident and courageous than simply denying it. i've been on the denial path my whole life and i was miserable until i took responsibility to solve my past. obviously healing looks very differently for everyone. but simply turning to philosophical insights for me definitely wasn't enough. and therapy wasn't enough for me either i really had to dig up memories and experience the grief and all the things i had suppressed. once i've released all of that i've been a completely different person ever since. my head is actually pretty silent and calm now. but yeah everyone needs to find their own path for growth. if someone had told me my about my healing experiences i would have thought they're crazy.

[@rakim126]

Here's the thing. Trauma does exist. But to be happy, one must not accept the attitude that the trauma defines them in any way...even though we know it does. When learning to be happy, any tiny hint or tendency toward victimhood is utter poison. Total ersonal accountability is the only path, even if it willfully ignores parts of reality.

[@jehdsbs]

@@rakim126 as i said, taking accountability is what i did

[@jehdsbs]

not sure what made you bring up the victimhood part @@rakim126