"The Crucifixion" (2017) Movie Dismemberment

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Sound Editing: Uroš and Mira Nikolić
Music: Intro music by Luka Čubrilo / St. Anne's Reel - Nat Keefe & Hot Buttered Rum
Illustration, Narration and Dismemberment: Me (Reader Bojan Teodosijević)

[@BibleIllustrated]

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[@JeffTaylorRomania]

I love how horror movies always try to make churches evil places of torture. A "true story" horror movie simply needs to show the inner workings of a Planned Parenthood clinic.

[@BibleIllustrated]

I always become happy when a cross does manage to ward off a vampire in the modern media :-)

[@elizabethshaw734]

Those are the sorts of places given the right lighting that can make you feel a bit chilly. :-). Similar to abandoned mental institutions.

[@theturtwig50]

I see no lies here lol. Abortion Clinics are creepy just in themselves!

[@paulbrule5897]

That's bc demons are usually afraid of churches

[@user-ny6yk7ho1m]

@@Homocidal_Animations news?

[@giuseppelogiurato5718]

My mom is orthodox, and her church really does have a torture chamber; most visitors never see it, but I've been inside, and I've seen what they do... They use all kinds of devices, such as firey coals, boiling oil, sharp skewers, and red-hot metal plates... After all that, they make you help them wash the dishes and put everything away for next year's Greek Festival! The horror! 😱

[@loma7635]

Wha-? But why? Why torture someone in church...

[@mikkis668]

😂😂

[@kristiano100]

@@loma7635 its a kitchen lol

[@reintaler6355]

''I'm just a Serb who luckily speaks perfect English'' should be how Every video ends from now on

[@theturtwig50]

Don't even get me started on Netflix's Castlevania. Set in a Romania town, where the CATHOLIC Church is the major church in power, being anti science and all the other stereotypical evil religious tropes. Made me roll my eyes to the back of my head.

[@squirrelknight4878]

Glad I didn't even bother watching it. Even with a game series that take great liberties on religious concepts, this was an extreme low point. Remember reading somewhere that at least one of the directors was a vehemently anti-theist atheist to boot.

[@imerror6224]

There's a suprising amount of people who seem to think that Orthodoxy is just a Russian thing (they might make the connection with Greece as well if they came for a vacation) and that everyone else in Europe is Catholic and everyone in the desert realms surrounding Europe is a Muslim.

[@theturtwig50]

@@squirrelknight4878 Not gonna lie, I just wanted to watch it because Alucard is SO PRETTY (I love guys with long hair lol). But the director's lack of knowledge on religion and geography to make a lazy message about the goodness of humanity made me laugh. I'll just stick to the classical games and admire Alucard from a distance lol.

[@theturtwig50]

@@imerror6224 I couldn't agree more lol.

[@pipsasqeak820]

There is a somewhat sizeable catholic community in Romania along the borders of Slovakia and Ukraine

[@electricharps]

I lost it at “Father Sexypriest.” That and the country music in the background make this video just incredible 😂

[@jovansavanovic875]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mattiegreathouse1049]

💯

[@novellanurney1294]

"They put an alter table in front of the alter"- how Vatican II of them. 😆☹

[@HolyKhaaaaan]

In a church that didn't even have Vatican I.

[@novellanurney1294]

@@HolyKhaaaaan Exactly. All these FACTS floating around . It is enough to completely discredit and malign the Entertainment industry and Hollywood...oh, wait..

[@jtcunningham7589]

Amen!

[@EcclesiastesLiker-py5ts]

I put an altar in front of the altar so you can pray at an altar while you pray at an altar.

[@noahnordengren8396]

“Talk about the movie’s good sides,” at a time stamp not even reached in the video! Funny.

[@eliaskountouris4214]

You can already tell any one who actual was orthodox refused to help them with this movie and so they had to scrape together what they could

[@theturtwig50]

Good. >:)

[@theworldbeforeus1775]

Yes the help of Catholics 🤣

[@joshuawebb5891]

I work in special education , and I likewise cringe at Hollywood's portrayal of autism . They turn it into basically a superpower 🙄

[@theturtwig50]

Pretty much.

[@abrahemsamander3967]

I have aspergers. And yeah. I agree with you.

[@jimmyrebel9385]

Brothers and sister please pray for me tommorow I will start as catechumen in Russian Orthodox Church of Indonesia

[@riapresley5446]

Jimmy Rebel where are you with your catechuman life? Just now seeing this Jan 2023...praying for you( it's good anytime...before..during...and after)

[@aleksstosich]

The real moment of horror is when she enters the sanctuary, through the Royal Doors to boot ... Also the village church is very well appointed with the Rublev Trinity, Sinai Christ, Byzantine Glykophilousa, and Hilandar Christ. The monastery should contact them for advice on how to organize an ikonostas.

[@pipsasqeak820]

Tfw they somehow still confused a Catholic and orthodox church...

[@davidcope5328]

Tbf they'd be quite similar to an outsider, especially a traditional catholic church in terms of aesthetics

[@AlexanderBenedict1]

@@davidcope5328The church separated over a stupid disagreement between two patriarchs. Of course they’re similar

[@jovancheonline]

This video is my new favorite video. This channel is slowly but surely turning into a meme.

[@BibleIllustrated]

Always has been 🌏👨‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀

[@shibangibhattacharya1908]

@@BibleIllustrated among us?

[@BibleIllustrated]

@@shibangibhattacharya1908 It's the always has been astronaut meme, but can work as Among Sus too 😁

[@shibangibhattacharya1908]

@@BibleIllustrated you replied to ME? An unworthy person?

[@BibleIllustrated]

@@shibangibhattacharya1908 Yes, child. *ascends back to heaven*

[@01ombladon]

Also the Saint Joseph cathedral in Bucharest is Roman Catholic, not Orthodox

[@BibleIllustrated]

Plot twist: everyone's Eastern Rite Catholic in this movie :D

[@01ombladon]

@@BibleIllustrated luckily orthodox romanians don't speak perfect english so this movie doesn't misrepresented us

[@theturtwig50]

@@01ombladon W-What? As an American, I thought everyone spoke perfect English, sometimes even with American accents!

[@novellanurney1294]

You and your ...FACTS

[@artemiostriantafyllou7986]

"I don't need to hack your computer, I already know your password." It was at this point that I lost it.

[@jamestown8398]

I like the contrast between what the film says are behind the Royal Doors and what's actually in that part of an Orthodox Church. It's almost like Priests in real life think God is a good guy. 6:18

[@miloradvlaovic]

Are you implying He is not? Mr Gnostic

[@jamestown8398]

@@miloradvlaovic I was sarcastically mocking films which portray churches as dark and menacing places. Obviously priests in real life want to glorify God and so churches would be built with that end in mind and thus wouldn't look "spooky".

[@SuperHoneybee79]

Also finding a little interesting how the body is not facing towards the altar during the funeral

[@matfejpatrusin4550]

Wow, this was painful and funny to watch at the same time. I literally cringed at certain parts. Putting a torture chaimber behind the Royal Door is downright blasphemous, and the vestments worn casually made me go ‘eew’.

[@johnsantrizos7638]

"I lost five spiritual fathers in such a manner in succession" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@carltonpoindexter2034]

The village looks like an old set from the old American TV show: Combat, which was also used for : How Green Was My Valley, and Song of Bernadette.

[@johncox2284]

Boyan, we are so glad you speak perfect English! Thank you for teaching us so much about Romania!

[@theartofwar551]

You legend. Not many can sit through these movies and endure the torture. Also, still waiting for the Silence review.

[@Catahract]

Bojan, as a Greek, I should mention that in the churches belonging to the Constantinople's patriarch directly, the priests that *"lost"* their wife's they can re-mary no problem. The movie seems to know something about that and they dicided to take some liberty on that. 🙃 (This has been dicided a year ago by Constantinople, so...I don't know the details but now they can )

[@christophekeating21]

Why does the French education system here struggle to get English native speakers? They should just go recruit teachers in the Romanian countryside! Everyone speaks perfect English!

[@adeya7161]

I just found your channel and you are already my favorite youtuber. Please keep creating more contents. Love from Ethiopian orthodox

[@irongeneral7861]

Luckily, the guy that made this video speaks perfect English.

[@Lucas_Ordonez]

Legend has it St. Peter sent them a cease and desist letter 😂

[@gabrielg2395]

1:36 That’s actually an amazing movie plot idea.

[@jerrypawlak2396]

Only thing i can take issue with is that surprisingly... in rural Romanian hotels they do have one of the best bathrooms outside 4+ Star hotels i'v ever seen

[@novellanurney1294]

Lol. My brother worked for an airline from 2009-2014 that had a layover in Romania ( can't remember the name of the city) twice a week for 4 hours to 48 hours depending on logistics. He said every bathroom he went in to was second in quality only to bathrooms in squalid outlying Mexican villages.

[@thewildchimp]

"The Crucifixion" Movie Dismemberment in, luckily, perfect English! Edit: I should really watch the video 'till the end before commenting. Daaamn youu, Boyan, for never failing to insert the obvious pun!

[@engelmanngabriel3453]

10:39 "gib fer" (give me iron) :))) as a romanian, I liked that very much!

[@mariamar4107]

"The movie is going to portray orthodox christianity accuretly" The movie : .......

[@bigbrownhouse6999]

These movies never work because in order for the story to be exciting they have to pretend that the demons somehow have a chance against Christ and his Church.

[@Panagia120]

Finally someone who agrees with me, I was so confused with this movie and pointed at the holes in it... Oof Bojan I feel your pain!

[@markomarko494]

I’m crying with laughter.🤣thank you Bojan I so needed a laugh. Much respect brate from Australia.

[@Milos_Antic]

The point of the video is that everybody in Romania speaks perfect english

[@johnpaulhumphrey2981]

Banjo player here. Good choice with St. Annes reel. Protestant take on Byzantine Chant.. (Church of Christ Guy here, not Orthodox, but fan of Chants, and Accapella fanatic.)

[@BibleIllustrated]

Hah thanks. I needed something that would REALLY clash with the atmosphere of the movie (fun vs. scary, good vs. crappy movie)

[@kaybrown4010]

I used to play St. Anne’s Reel on the fiddle for square dances. Never at exorcisms, though!

[@johnpaulhumphrey2981]

Next time I have to exorcize a demon, maybe I should try my Banjo. It will probably have the same affect as the fish in Tobit. I would play it safe and take a cross too. I've never exorcised a demon though, so maybe I would try prayer and fasting

[@BibleIllustrated]

@@johnpaulhumphrey2981 1 Samuel 16:23 And whenever the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, David took the lyre and played it with his hand, and Saul would be relieved and feel better, and the evil spirit would depart from him.

[@johnpaulhumphrey2981]

I guess it depends on wether the person likes banjo music or not. Music is powerful. And I think one of those early writers asked "If a physical harp could do that, what do you think singing and plucking the strings of our hearts would do?" This is just my recollection of course.

[@jerome6193]

Great background song! St. Ann's Reel

[@AdinHiroi]

The Roman comedy writers usually ambient their plays in Greece, with characters using Greek names, but at the end all was completly Roman. Well, this movie of Westerners trying to figure how Eastern Christianity works is the same.

[@novaimperialis]

This actually shows how much some people want to discredit a certain group because of their hate and ignorance by portraying it as a primitive and a danger to society and science. When in fact, the first inventors were priests and religious. Also, the first philosophers were religious. The one who made schools, hospitals and asylum was also a byzantine orthodox saint. Not to mention the catholic church which did its fair job in educating people after the fall of the Western Roman Empire. Also, religion was not disproven. If anything else, modern neurology and psychology shows that we have an innate craving for the divine. Also, if religion is full of contradictions, then so is every human construct including nihilism and atheism. Or do we apply standards partially and we discriminate and then we pride ourselves as being objective? What a bunch of prideful ingorants! Also, science is not static is dynamic, so everything that science says is at risk of being changed. Not to mention that people don't follow science, but they use it as their shield for their Ideology. I'm saying this as a theistic agnostic. I agree that there are a lot of contradictions in religion, but we can't use a contradiction to discard a contradiction either(atheism and nihilism). Why? Because we remove the base from our feet. So what remains is to verify if there is really a contradiction in this construct which is said to be perfect called religion. On the other hand, we know that other constructs which are human in nature, are not perfect, including nihilism and atheism. So at best we can be skeptics, but not blind to a different path of development just because of our ideology! This in fact shows the law of opposition and complementarity. If everything was in opposition with everything else, then we would have had no order. But since this is not the case, then that means that our reality is a complex system which works because it doesn't fight against itself, but every piece is complementary to the others. Just like the immune system! In short, because we have order, then this could point to the validity of a higher divine power which maintains order. Otherwise, there would have been chaos, and in this case, chaos wouldn't even be possible but only a lack of existence itself.

[@novellanurney1294]

Also good job on your movie review. Please do them more frequently. Possibly book reviews as well. Thank you!

[@soare5182]

I'm not aware of having any strigoi festival in Romania 😂😂 this movie is a crap cocktail. Thanks my serbian brother, you explain the real story accurate and also thanks for the good laugh. God bless you ☦

[@bendixon8704]

"I'm just a Serb who speaks perfect English." Lol

[@Ciprian-IonutPanait]

3:51 he meant restraining her so harshly and prolonging the exorcism for more than 1 few hours

[@Kyrie_Eleison_]

"I lost 5 spiritual fathers in such a manner". I lost it...again, because I have watched this video a handful of times now and can't promise I will stop (this is what happens when I'm home with kids all day doing virtual learning). All the 'cinematographer' had to do was a simple google search on what an Orthodox church looks like and maybe then set up a proper iconostasis at the ~11 min mark. I guess perfecting the spider-coming-out-of-her-nose scene took precedence over accuracy. Yes, the scene that triggered your impromptu giggle, and rightly so. Please do more movie reviews! This is your calling. Father Sexy priest says so.

[@zak0777]

Thank you for doing this because everyone that I spoke to once I told them I was Orthodox they would say oh that church that does those crazy things in it. I laugh cause western media and Hollywood helps perpetuate these stereotypes!

[@elizabethshaw734]

I have never seen a horror film that mirrored religion any religion truthfully. I don't expect to see that going into the film. Hotel

[@BibleIllustrated]

"Beyond the Hills" did it VERY well

[@SylvEdu]

"The Exorcism of Emily Rose" is pretty good. Problem is that they try to make Anneliese Michel (Emily Rose) into a saint rather than presenting the facts of the matter: she went off to college, apostatized, fornicated, did drugs, and opened herself up to demonic attack. But I guess the movie wouldn't be as compelling if the main character deserved what was happening to her...

[@jjmichael5059]

@@SylvEdu it would be a Jason movie then

[@tylerpatti9038]

@@SylvEdu Your lake of compassion is rather disgusting.

[@SylvEdu]

@@tylerpatti9038 Likewise regarding your judgement of me. You have no clue how I actually perceive the events, so how about you leave that splinter alone, eh?

[@ezrathebluedragon1870]

I love how you make Disney references great job

[@engelmanngabriel3453]

Hey, I really like your videos! can you make one about smoking? on this channel or on the other one. And by that I mean, in orthodoxy you are damned if you don't quit it?(my parents smoke for 20years and I am affraid for them and for me too). God bless you!

[@ileanagheorghisor]

To be honest, most Romanians speak English, now I wouldn't call it perfect English because we have an accent, but we do speak it a lot 😂

[@Paddle-N-Fish]

Maybe they have a Star Trek universal Translator? Anyways, thanks for watching this, so we dont have to :)

[@squirrelknight4878]

Are there any exorcism movies you consider good? Also hope you do more movie reviews in the future. This was great.

[@proffiesloth]

Please review more movies. Love it

[@ishitrealbad3039]

Can an Orthodox christian explain to me what the Analavos (great schema) represents? I've researched the translations of texts, but couldn't find anywhere why orthodox priests wear them.

[@jeromevillanueva2207]

Me : But Bojan, about the timestamp on the good side, the video is only up to 21:11! Bojan : exactly!

[@carltonpoindexter2034]

PS, Bojan should also do movie reviews. Love it.

[@gillianc6514]

No Manele, no țuică, no babas force feeding you, that is definitely NOT Romania. Oh and you are right about that bath, the only time I have ever seen one that size out here was in a Soviet era hotel in Moldova.

[@user-pl8kc2lo1r]

What you think about the passion of christ movie

[@earll5470]

Bravo Bravo!! That was hilarious. Please do another.

[@BibleIllustrated]

I will but I doubt that the humor would repeat itself :D

[@audesigns42]

“Hello exorcism fans”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@davidcope5328]

As a catholic its non unusual to see our tradition as a "creepy" and " foreign" aesthetic

[@bobmcbob9856]

I think any denomination that could be described as “high church” or more accurately doesn’t adhere to weird Protestant minimalism, is used as such by the American movie industry because Americans are used to churches that are just some cheap benches, a stage, and a piano in a repurposed suburban house painted white both inside and out with a fake bell tower above the door.

[@lesinge8868]

@@bobmcbob9856 And the world clearly revolves around America according to “movies” like this.

[@wrybreadspread]

5:45 Moi hypothesizes the Sexy Witch Halloween Costume will be utilized in the alternate "How The Movie *Should* Have Ended" version. (I'll be the first to acknowledge Bojan's penchant and talent for humor far superior to mine.)

[@brianhayes278]

This is just amazing

[@andrijbebko8435]

Please do more movie reviews.

[@vaskas4609]

Question: How many Orthodox Bishops does it take to change a light bulb???????????? Answer: CHANGE?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[@bobmcbob9856]

The gypsy boy is obviously famous KZbinr Fokume TV “the gypsy rapper”, creator of the song Zhigubigule

[@user-dt7py6oo1t]

Thanks!

[@BibleIllustrated]

Thank you so much! I just want to check if this wasn't a typo in the amount 😄😊😊

[@elizabethshaw734]

I wish I could have seen this picture with you because we would be kicked out for giggling! :-)

[@ahem88]

"gib fer" and "feeeer"....nearly died here of laughter.........

[@BibleIllustrated]

Only Romanians will get it 😁

[@Alex-gn1ws]

@@BibleIllustrated 😉

[@eccoeco3454]

But Bojan I kind of liked that film... Anyway if you want to watch a good exorcism movie you should watch the Rite it has it all that is needed for a good religion related horror film: ✔relatively correct practices ✔good understanding of how theoretically these stuff should work and of Italian folklore related to witchcraft and the devil (as an Italian I can give my mark of approval) ✔A chilling story of lost faith, near nichilism and philosophical self-questioning in which the devil, albeit present from the very beginning, does nothing but observe from the distance the protagonist tearing himself apart and does his job not by silly hocus pocuses but by actually tempting and instilling doubt ✔Antony Hopkins ✔Catholicism (yeah I put this last just to fuck with you😛) Because we all know that there is nothing healthier than watching things about devils, possessions and similar sunny subjects!

[@Statinthehat]

I'd watch a Zombie Titanic movie, tbh.

[@wishyouthebest9222]

You know what I love about orthodoxy? They won't condem heterodox to hell because they can't understand certain practices (atleast thats what I was said so far). I'm one of them but so God will be maybe a physical orthodox/catholic in the future. Why maybe? Because I can't forsee what God has planned for me and what degree of knowledge will be given to me. I can't join orthodoxy with clear consciousness right know, that would be dishonest. But I won't fight against it claiming I know it better. Maybe He will accomplish more through my life outside the orthodox church wich will benefit more souls. Who knows?...God knows! I pray daily in the Lord's prayer 'His will be done, not ours' and I wholeheartly mean it. Thank you for your ministry. ADONAI bless you all :)

[@bobmcbob9856]

Did the sexy priest give the Serbian three finger salute lmao? Clearly the demon was exorcised by the indomitable spirit of the Serbian nation

[@eduardsusai559]

THE SCARIEST DEMON SERBIA

[@hhhhhhhfjjrjrjrjrirh148]

Actually quite like this movie despite it's inaccuracy

[@mr.caretaker6086]

"Bye and never watch this film." I kinda want to see it now 🤣

[@BibleIllustrated]

It is entertaining, especially if you have friends over :-)

[@desusvult1679]

They have that movie it's called the Titanic 2.

[@elizabethshaw734]

Thank you for the laugh! XOXO

[@BibleIllustrated]

Any time!

[@sunflowerstudio6690]

Sombody from roblox recommeded me to this channel

[@theroughsketchartist1415]

That’s amazing

[@sunflowerstudio6690]

@@theroughsketchartist1415 do u know who did or no

[@elizabethshaw734]

Now I heard that she died during the exorcism.

[@adityasantosh5970]

Plz more vids like this

[@hectordanielsanchezcobo7713]

Luckily a perfect video

[@phoenixshadow6633]

St. Joseph's cathedral in Bucharest is the Cathedral for the Roman Catholic Church, not the Romanian Orthodox Church. They had one job. ONE

[@miloradvlaovic]

I've only ever seen a trailer of this which viewed as a James Wan movie, so I couldn't bring myself to watch it. I may be petty, or whatever have you, but this kind of religious (and even occult and/or spiritual in general) ignorance triggers me disgracefully lol. I think an upcoming movie is going to get a somewhat decent grasp on the mundane sides of monastic life and the sexual "anxiety" (in a want of a better word) in Christianity, particularly the Catholicism. It's called " *Black Narcissus* " and is actually a remake of an older version widely praised and recognized for its visuals - both in visual arts and social sciences community. Another movie that portrayed Christianity, specifically the colonial-period (New England, Puritan) faith, among the pious - not a single clergy member or a church is featured - is " *The Witch* ", sometimes also stylized as VVitch. It's genuinely unsettling, yet very accurate in portraying the long-begone Christian fear of the witches, and how the paranoia rising from it denudes the believers' own sins, weaknesses and flickering faith.

[@TheFluteNewb]

Not gonna lie, I’m happy to know you like horror movies

[@N8TheGreatG]

You had me laughing so hard the entire time

[@BibleIllustrated]

Haha glad! 😁

[@NSAnegrean]

why irish music?

[@BibleIllustrated]

Why not? :-)

[@vaskas4609]

The funny music captures the films insipid predictability and childishness and feeble attempt to scare.

[@dannydorito2954]

20:30 Based... On the word of God.

[@we3ggirls]

The adventures of Hermione and sexypriest 🤣

[@wrybreadspread]

10:55 One assumes Sexy Priest removed his stole to work on his motorcycle.

[@ColdAss000]

Laughing for 20 minutes, thank you Bojan. You should watch more stupid movies and comment them, so that we don't have to (not like we would either). Luckily they all speak perfect English 😂

[@carsonianthegreat4672]

Can you please dismember “Prey for the Devil”? It’s somehow the worse than most

[@kevinzalac8945]

Lol. Pretty excellent synopsis

[@monkjohn4833]

OH Brother!

[@BibleIllustrated]

Yes father

[@eetuerrenor5757]

I saw this video where the narrator, luckily, speaks perfect English. Unluckily, no subs!

[@DEATHCHICKEN1337]

Oh Romania 🇷🇴

[@MaryHernandez-lq8kq]

Boys are so funny I love your thoughts on this movie hahaha

[@erravi]

0:49 Lol!!!!

[@avanticurecanti9998]

>don't have sex in Germany Well my ancestors are doomed.

[@elijahzetye7582]

this channel is becoming a meme

[@BibleIllustrated]

Why thank you