The Cruel Games Narcissists Play to Hurt You

In this video, I break down the manipulative tactics narcissists use to hurt and control others. Learn how to identify these harmful behaviors and protect yourself from their games.
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[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

Exciting video. A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other

[@wangcheng5188]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have her back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

I feel your pain, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me

[@wangcheng5188]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?.

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex

[@wangcheng5188]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@Hummingbird64]

I used to silently go to the bathroom for 30 min or take a long walk , take a drive to mountains , instead of react to them . Distance saved me .

[@nicolenery5150]

I used to leave and get a coffee and just drink it in my car...or take our kids to the park.... Before I started doing that I would feed into it, or cry at the hurtful things he said, or wanted to ask why he was being so cold...once I learned to leave the house for a while...it was a game changer...it protected my mood and peace.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Good for you!! That’s a strong person

[@larrygipson1894]

Lol not that any of its funny but I'm distancing myself now in the bathroom as I read your comment. I completely understand

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

DEEP don’t defend, don’t explain, don’t engage, don’t take personally

[@jeremiahgentleman8097]

10:46, “calm detachment”. This is such great advice. And when you said this can trigger them, you are so right! Prepare yourself that they may use this as more smear campaign fodder to say you lack empathy, say you are being passive aggressive and project all of the negative labels onto you including narcissism. Your videos are amazing Stephanie, thank you for continuing to share your knowledge and experience.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

and once you do it once you'll feel so powerful and confident! You'll want to keep doing it just for that :)

[@amarbyrd2520]

@@StephanieLynCoaching "and once you do it once you'll feel so powerful and confident! " Not so sure that's the case when the smear campaign works and everyone from a whole family to a whole town -- if the narcissist is a communal narcissist -- can turn its back on you and shun you, at which point you have NO social support. I wish the coaches and experts in this space paid more attention to that; at the very LEAST everyone should be warned about that harassment and shunning prior to going no contact. It really is frying pan / fire

[@spokenwordpoetries]

Steph, you are intelligent, compassionate, and absolutely stunning. Thank you for educating us on this nonsense that can steal our entire lives.

[@joannturi3968]

It's child's play.

[@L.RaeHoldt]

Mine scrrams at me "when will you realize you aren't wanted here anymore." They are unempathetic monsters.

[@hopeinhumanity.]

They will literally tell you “I have no use for you in my life”.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

basically that is what is said

[@TimJames-childofnarcissism]

You nailed it!!! The hiding keys!!, thats A perfect example of the gaslighting bullshit that I've been putting up with. I'm literally walking off into the great wide open. These psychos that I'm dealing with need me to be homeless in dec in NJ for them to get there control fixes. No love no fam. NO MORE!!

[@breandabrown4683]

Definitely. I am 69 days into my no contact journey against my narc ex who sparked my healing journey. I'm parallel parenting currently with his mom instead of directly coparenting with him.

[@FoolintheRainSDMF]

That 69 will become like 1269. Trust me I've done it. You can too. Don't believe all the things you think but also believe NOTHING that mfers like that say! Carry on. That is your revenge cause they almost bet that you wouldn't or couldn't

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

And that's what you have to do in the beginning.. glad you're here!

[@everythingisokr8]

So true🙌 he is punishing me by not giving me money to eat, reckons we were skint for Christmas, started an argument Xmas shopping and turned out he had £90 for Xmas when he earns £4,000 a month, he is not paying bills, trying to find out where he is putting the money, he uses my account so can't even have my card, I'm making my exit plan

[@oscarjames3724]

Explain why Narcissists accuse the victim of Narcissism. And, why the victim, may look like the Narcissist, using the same actions, beneficially, to heal things !? Its a fukd up loop... One is real, the other a ruse...

[@Yezebnesh_Maharat]

Thanks, Stephanie! The greatest coach in the game.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Thank you!

[@Bch60482]

His ex broke up with him. I never wanted to be the rebound but apparently I was. He diiscarded me four months ago and anytime I reached out he’d ignore me or if he did answer he’d scream at me. Each time he screamed at me I felt such mass confusion. So I called and left messages asking why is he acting like this, He sent his sister to text me from other numbers who just verbally abused as well. This was a person who love bombed me for 8 months insisting we talk everyday, he got intimate with me, and this is how he treats people????

[@FoolintheRainSDMF]

Best shit ive seen on this tube of often absolute nonsense. Shes a Goat and clearly been through it, respect 🙏

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Oh wow!! Thank you! haha!!

[@FoolintheRainSDMF]

@StephanieLynCoaching I call it how I see it. Ain't anyone able to say what ya did if ya ain't either lived through it or been dealing it out and the ones that deal aren't keen on articulated speaking or any kind of ownership, be that as it may, you don't owe thanks but you're welcome. I did absolutely 💯 percent want to show recognition for the courage,time,etc it took to put this out there because as I said before it's the legit best I've seen and I've watched hours of different view points,topics,figuring out shit was and wasn't, and to be honest, I knew the whole time I just didn't know what to call it and didn't know there were so many more who had seen stuff like it before.

[@johnjennings9693]

Still single how can one ever be sure, relationships so complicated, exhausting, seasons greetings, thanks for the video,

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Love is a vulnerability so there are no guarantees BUT when you really do that work on yourself you will be 99% sure and the rest is in god, source, universe’s hands.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I gave up at 40. Everyone was why don't you find someone. I dated and didn't have problems finding someone I had problems finding a good one.

[@mariannenapoles146]

I’m on 8 months no contact and there are some weeks that I fall into a depression. Then I pick myself up and slog my way through. Look at your ick list when you feel weak. We get nostalgic and that’s called euphoric recall. Only thinking of the good times. Be strong.

[@jsensefi]

Thank you, Stephanie, for being a good friend and for your guidance and support. Have a joyful week! Happy and Peaceful New Year!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

You are so welcome - same to you!

[@ibrahimmanhal8770]

Thank you mom for your healing knowledges❤.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I have PTSD. My narcissist family member calls and tells me every other month I'm cut out of the will. They'll talk about everything in my life but if I say nothing important about them they lose their mind.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

They don’t have the ability to take accountability

[@joannturi3968]

They're nightmares.

[@Classybrown27]

Ex associates keep stalking and harassing me cause I want absolutely nothing to do with them very vindictive and sadistic no life hacking my phone invading my privacy very pathetic individuals

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Ugh I’m sorry

[@jtg1465]

Can we sue these people? Same thing happening to me at the hands of my narc sisters and using our elderly mom with whom I live as a triangulation point and then trying to say I’M the one “bullying, harassing, and elder abusing” my mom when she gets upset at the conflict and me not standing for my sisters’ abuse anymore.

[@Classybrown27]

@@StephanieLynCoaching Thanks gonna get the law involved cause I’ve had enough

[@franciscocardenas5758]

Well put!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

TY!

[@Tinkerbell_111]

Yes! It happened to me ! Now I’m on a run !!!

[@effiemaccheyne9101]

Blood is not thicker than water. My covert just spent xmas with my family and went elsewhere. Why? He fits right in with them.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

I'm so sorry. I went through this when my abusive, addicted, cheating, lying Narcissistic ex walked out. We'd been NC with my family due to my Mother being highly Narcissistic. I stupidly went to them for help. They took me in, then kicked me out. Tried turning my then 16 yr old daughter against me. Took my ex into the family, had him to visit, bought him gifts, & spent hours & hours talking about what a horrible person I am & how he was the victim. 3 years on his new supply said she didn't want him having anything to do with his ex wife's family. The whole thing was sick & disturbing. The rest of what he did in our 24 yr marriage was bad enough...but what he did with my family is what took the prize

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

That's terrible 😮.

[@scooterwoodley195]

Great stuff, Steph!

[@randallbarba8957]

Hi Stephanie You just laid out exactly what has happened with me in my divorce Thanks for all your help!!

[@Truth-matters-v2z]

100% true and my lived experience and of course my kids believe his story because they witnessed my reactive abuse for years and every time I tried to get out of it, he talked me into staying by saying "I'm not just going to throw this all away" but then at 27 years of marriage when I was no longer needed for my money services and our last one was getting ready for college, he discarded me like I used appliance and for a married woman 23 years younger than himself and somehow managed to validate this to his children and I'm Guessing anyone else . Absolutely mind blowing

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

This was pure gold Stephanie, Thank you so much for this, Speaks volumes :-) I'll re watch this, Brilliant, Calm detachment, Stoicism :-) You're absolutely beautiful, Thank you for all your advice, Peace, love and respect to you and all, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)

[@SamiEl-t7]

You are perfect,all pure,100%

[@pearlfeather9326]

Im going through it. Ive been in a nefarious twilight zone in a long time. Its terrible.

[@amylynn7881]

I left him and it took me a year of therapy beforehand to get the courage to do. It’s like you know what it’s like. He went to my dad. My one rock who I moved to this state for … and my dad has never had anything to do with me since. No matter how hard I try.

[@Beth1300]

Shame on your dad!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

That is absolutely heartbreaking! Agree shame on your dad but the both of them are feeding off of each other. I know it’s hard but that energy is not what you need or deserve regardless of who the person is

[@amylynn7881]

@ awe thank you for your response! I learned through trauma therapy that I put blinders on to my dad to survive my childhood with my mom. Put him on a pedestal. The sexual abuse compartmentalized to survive my depressed narcissistic mother. I’m 43 and learned this preparing for my divorce. Your videos hit home for me that year or planning to leave. Thank you for being a resource for all of us out here lost. I’m 43 and it still hurts so deeply about my dad. Even though I found out I have siblings I didn’t know about, I didn’t fall on a bike as a little girl. Etc. I might head back to therapy. This holiday was brutal. Thank you for being such a strong and inspiring supporter to others out there!

[@nicolecoto6300]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

You are so welcome!

[@rodrigosebastianavila8339]

Merry Christmas 🎄🧑‍🎄 and have a splendid week 🙏

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Happy holidays!

[@amylynn7881]

I’m so so down still from my ex husband spending Christmas with our son with my dad and his family who dropped me when I left him. I left 3 years ago and this still crushes me. I’m feeling like I can’t do this another 15 years (my son is 4). It hurts so deeply. My dad who I thought was my rock. Dropped me. I’m messed up so back in therapy I go.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

I'm so sorry. If you can find it, read my reply to a similar comment up higher

[@franciscocardenas5758]

That narcissist is a teacher? Thae narcissist didn't do it iut of the kindness of their heart. They did it to destroy you. But I understand why you said what you said. To me, that narcissist is one of the sad facts of life that may have been avoided if people had been educated at an early age about narcissism and attachment styles.

[@shinobi7184]

As a male I’m def not perfect have flaws also but I spent last 5 years not dating working on myself , I was devastated after my ex broke up with me. I once was working late and we were organising having dinner for my hour break, but because I couldn’t give 30minutes extra she didn’t come at all and was rude an mean about it , couple hours went by and she posted on i.g another white personal trainer from her gym across from her at dinner ( Asian girl gf) I had a bad reaction. She broke up with me coupla weeks later , said i was a project , negative , selfish. Man it hurt so much. She initiated break up sex i think as manipulation as she rang the next day after breaking up I think to see if I brought into her BS pretending to care. Thanks for these videos they have helped me see stuff. It’s just sad you know at the start it’s so beautiful fun.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

I'm glad the vidoes have helped!

[@lawrencelam6719]

Great videos and very helpful information too and much more as well and you look very beautiful and pretty with everything else too and whole lot more as well.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Thank you so much!

[@lawrencelam6719]

@StephanieLynCoaching you are doing very great work with your videos and so are you with everything else too especially your hair and your natural beauty and so much more around all of your videos as well.

[@donnaghanim6091]

They selfish

[@donnaghanim6091]

Yes

[@naveedrehman2987]

After going through a narcissistic “relationship” I just expect “people” to “disappoint” me. I don’t whether you like me or not . I don’t care if you like me or not. I don’t care if you want to be my friend or not (romantically or not romantically:))

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

A healthy way to look at it is except to get water from a rock then you won’t be disappointed

[@EdelweisSusie]

Please don’t let it define you - so easy to let that happen - because then they win over you even though they’re gone. Stay loving, positive and have a happy outlook on life - that will crucify them, trust me.

[@Csmith1322]

I’m currently in silent treatment and financial control after a horrendous Christmas. As much as I am in silent treatment phase, He has to come and yell at me or make accusations, literally anything to get a reaction out of me. I started living by “act everyday as if you are being filmed” it’s helped me so much to not react because he has filmed me and so I expect it. This episode started because the dishwashing tablet didn’t dissolve because I didn’t clean the filter and he couldn’t bare to wash a Tupperware by hand as he is not a peasant. I’m on holidays from work so I should have prepared lunch for him.. I work part time and only get enough for rent and bills, he would have to do the food shopping and that’s all but he doesn’t because I should be doing that. I also don’t put in any effort in my cooking anymore because he’s changed his dietary preferences so many times I have literally given up trying to cook nice meals AND you don’t buy food and I have no money left, I can’t exactly cook dinner. We have two kids and it’s beyond a struggle. He made me buy groceries on afterpay the other day, I borrowed money from my sister instead and he said “you disrespected me, you want your sister to think I’m not supporting our family” It’s been 5 years, she knows….because you’re not! He then revealed if I needed to ask my sister for money he could have given it to me because he has savings… but I will need to be the one to pay my sister back and you can guess who ate the food with no care (it wasn’t me) Last night I was gifted a frozen ham and pineapple pizza and the kids frozen nuggets and potato gems. The kids were not complaining but I am a good cook and the $30 he spent on all of that, I could have made something nutritious, but I’m a terrible cook and I’m lazy….

[@cylliahodera9113]

Sounds exactly like what I went through. He trashed my cooking skills in front of our visitors when one tried to praise me and many other occasions. I have been confused for years but this year has been my turning point and am grateful that I now know what am dealing with

[@Csmith1322]

@ mine is the complete opposite says so many lovely things about me in public. I’m so clean, I’m such a good cook, I’m such a good Mum, as soon as we’re behind closed doors he ignores me OR when arguing with me tells me how much he has to lie about me because EVERYONE actually hates me! I bet you really are such a good cook and I am glad you have seen the light this year. I hope the new year brings you all the happiness, love and joy you truly deserve 💖

[@L.RaeHoldt]

Mine would rinse the dishes then just leave them for me to actually clean. They are lazy and evil.

[@Csmith1322]

@@L.RaeHoldt we have a dishwasher thankfully but much the same, the dishes never make it to the dishwasher. He doesn’t even rinse the dishes though. Crusty milk in his glasses 🤮 We never have Tupperware hence him having to hand wash because he can’t even manage to remove his own Tupperware from his own car when he gets home. My bad, I’m meant to do that too!

[@hellcat1401]

Does this also apply to step-mother's who are narcissistic?

[@lindaklesmith1076]

When is the last day to sign up for your courses with the discount?

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

The 40% OFF ends in 12.31.24. Code: MERRY40

[@AdamFlanagan-oq6op]

💯

[@TheMeghajoshi]

Wht was motivation or what kept you going

[@NFSMAN50]

Merry Belated Christmas Steph!!!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Same to you!

[@jeanaallison7236]

I've been asking for a divorce for years 😢 he will not comply. He is diabolical and at the same time I don't want to be stalked by him even if he did want the divorce 😢 ❤️‍🩹