The cultural taboos of suicide and mental illness | John Nieuwenburg | TEDxStanleyPark

[@melanieclark7949]

Don't ask"why the suicide?" ask "why the pain?"

[@chrismcnee9287]

That is so profound and an excellent point. Thank you

[@momsmushroomsjodyfoster5786]

Melanie Clark great point

[@momsmushroomsjodyfoster5786]

I’ve heard the voice of suicide. It called to me so clear and so convincing one night that I literally ran from the room and ran for my life. My husband and I had both lost a parent. He lost his mother to Lou Garricks 45 days later my father died of a heart attack. I had been physically sick for many months. I was taking an experimental drug that was causing much suffering including depression. OxyContin was introduced and the train left the station. To me the voice of suicide said this “I can’t take it anymore and it’s never going to change” those 2 thoughts repeatedly bombard my mind. Then suddenly the third and final suggestion comes and it says “ take all these pills” or “one quick bang” those three thoughts ran a track in my head until I nearly followed them

[@Lumalnatti11]

Corporations- the source of all suffering in America today.

[@QuietBloom]

Melanie: Talk to me.

[@TechnicallyLegitLPs]

I teared up so bad when his voice broke

[@mr.antaeus5730]

I wanted to jump through the screen and run up to the stage and hug him tightly

[@Nillowo]

Cleen likewise. I came to the comments after feeling the lump in my throat. It sucks that everyone with depression feels alone :/

[@Sunnyside45335]

same.... I almost cried ...

[@ThePoopmancer]

I hope that you guys are okay these days. Please be safe and remember that people care about you, even if it may not feel like it sometimes. If you are feeling troubled, maybe professional help is the answer, or talking to a trusted friend about what you are going through. Wish you all the best.

[@cedelynn7176]

So many valid points. I'm sick and tired of people believing mental illness is a character flaw.

[@juanpablo8886]

It is not a flaw whatsoever but suicide is a character flaw. There is a difference.

[@ktrudy1]

Exactly

[@DavidBrown-jk2pm]

@@juanpablo8886 What?

[@uwuowo947]

@Roberto Insingo WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YEAH ITS NOT RIGHT BUT SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER,its never the answer no matter how old you are if you think that suicide is the answer then seek professional help please

[@paulfrewzy7374]

Your a Long time dead trust me thurs no hurry + ya Don't kill the pain you only pass it on to loved one's ect hold in there its ok not to be ok and its good to talk

[@jacksonmalcolm4284]

Suicide is not a call for help it is the result of a call for help not being ansewered

[@joellemartin4466]

This is the saddest truth

[@daveycrockett6781]

It is because the vast majority of success stories are males.

[@jacquelynpowell7964]

You hit the nail on the head!

[@zamanehzamani8984]

Our health system is not helping. We should do something about this.

[@heartworkbykitty7933]

The support the crowd showed to this man is amazing.

[@ohheyitsCassie]

Moved me right to tears, my god 😭😭

[@daveycrockett6781]

The #1 reason it doesn't get recognized is because the vast majority of the 40,000 are males.

[@nultyjack8219]

@@daveycrockett6781 maybe dont generalise not all lot ye but a lot dent women do support men

[@luzalgarin9518]

Soon all illnesses (emotional, mental, physical) will be cured, as promised in Isaiah 33:24: "And no resident will say: “I am sick.” The people dwelling in the land will be pardoned for their error." And in Isaiah 35:5 and 6: "At that time the eyes of the blind will be opened, and the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. At that time the lame will leap like the deer, and the tongue of the speechless will shout for joy." But, there are much more good things to come... Think about it!

[@daph0307]

@@luzalgarin9518 I'm no Christian but I recognize how poetic, beautiful and triumphant that quote is.

[@mark-1234]

The worst part of depression is the acute anxiety that often accompanies it.

[@dearman1954]

One cause of suicide can be when you feel trapped by circumstances.

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

Hi Jack, I believe that is the most common presenting reason: you feel trapped by circumstances.

[@ABHINAVNR]

thebeardless There is no Free Will!

[@thejamz19]

The idea of that is what has caused my depression

[@yourshadowgirl5036]

John Nieuwenburg you are amazing good luck🌹👌🏻

[@painexotic3757]

lol basically. this is why i was suicidal.

[@bracsgirl]

Powerful... thank you for sharing your story. "Don't ask why the suicide, ask why the pain." "The opposite of depression is vitality." Those are two incredibly powerful takeaways. Yes, let's change the world.

[@luigiguagliardo6509]

[@loveahusky]

Allison Bran people, even close family members are to afraid to talk “feelings” but rather would stay superficial and inauthentic which triggers trust issues. It is a sad world. Jesus is the only WAY that keeps me from feeling alone. HE is always with me and heals the emptiness I suffer with my disease. God Bless You.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@loveahusky suicide not allowed

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@luigiguagliardo6509 suicide not allowed

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@Enduring_Mantle]

Some people do not care about suicidal individuals until they have killed themselves. When you are alive you are a nobody to others. People will think nothing of bullying you or being mean-spirited towards you, but once your life has ended suddenly everyone is your "best friend" and they act kind; it is like an alternate personality has switched on in their brains. It is only once a person is dead that others want to help.

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

We're all caught up in our own lives until something pulls us out of the daily hypnotic state. You're right, sometimes it's an attempt. Sometimes even that's not enough. My daughter's multiple attempts were not enough to break through my depressed state for many years. It doesn't mean I didn't care about her, I didn't have the capacity.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@JackieSimmons-NoDrama who is your lord grave first question

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Will you not fear Allah

[@bunsenn5064]

It’s because no one really acts how they feel. Everyone puts on a fake personality, and they shift it to fit the situation they’re in. When they’re in a position where they’re pressured to show sympathy, they will pretend to.

[@ThorMarchio]

Respectively Jesus Christ is King of Kings and Lord of lords

[@BBK96]

It warms my heart when the audience applaud to his very real pain surfacing. Its increadebly brave to stand on a stage in front of so many people and be voulnrable.

[@Curtis.Carpenter]

"Are you willing to join me"? *voice stutters* "lets change the world"! Love this talk ,it was so inspirational and emotional

[@brendaperez2116]

He was not being vulnerable. But honest. It took STRENGTH. He has it. He is a Fighter and a Survivor. He WILL make it.

[@haidengeary8277]

@@brendaperez2116 Being vulnerable is being honest. You cannot be honest without allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@haidengeary8277 wife back door not allowed ect

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@brendaperez2116 wife back door not allowed ect

[@megdoyle47]

I’ve been watching every ted talk I can about suicide and depression, since my cousin took his life days ago. Trying to understand, cope and learn. These videos are such a great help to me in this time. Thank you

[@jonneiss7562]

very sorry. My uncle committed suicide in 1987. Suicide is very destructive to the survivors. If you still encounter difficulties, I would strongly encourage you to seek counseling for yourself. Can make all the difference. Take care.

[@caller145]

I'm so sorry. Suicide is not an easy thing to deal with. My boyfriend and one of my friends tried to kill themselves and I've had my own moments as well. I know how much it can hurt. All the best for you

[@asjeable]

@Meg Doyle Did you not see it coming?

[@angelatrebor8681]

@@caller145 ❤

[@angelatrebor8681]

@@jonneiss7562 ❤

[@dawnanderson611]

i do not believe suicide is a mental illness I believe suicide is a way of coping. I love this man.

[@supahspyrosonicfan98]

Dawn Anderson agree🙏🙏🤗🤗❤️❤️

[@QBert904]

Pulling the Strings Get help, please. Call the national suicide hotline if you wish to remain anonymous or seek help through family, teachers, or friends.

[@dawnanderson611]

Suicide isn't a choice I'd make but I judge noone

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@dawnanderson611 suicide not allowed

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@supahspyrosonicfan98 suicide not allowed

[@DeadRobit29]

"Obviously, something went wrong, and I survived." Damn that simple sentence says it all.

[@minicat3640]

I attempted suicide, because I was in so much emotional pain. I still feel ashamed, but I know I shouldn't. I was depressed to the point of being insane. It was not my fault. This man is SO brave to talk about this. We shouldnt stigmatize talking about it.

[@leilaelalaoui356]

hope you're doing better now, take care

[@carolynlyfordsullivan1377]

People who have not suffered from depression naturally don't understand it . Even professionals really don't understand it . With young people suffering with depression it can be even more difficult. Young people have the energy to disguise their depression. I believe that is why there suicide rate is high . Most depressed people do their best to hide how depressed they are . I use to congratulate myself for coming off happy at an event when I was extremely depressed. After awhile it becomes increasingly impossible to do this . I believe the thinking process is very different in depressed people . An example of this would be a person who ends their own life . They have left so many signs that they were going to end their lives. A person who has never felt this way probably will miss the signs. A young depressed person might not say the words depression or suicide. The same can be true with adults. One element that really doesn't play a part in this would be , " They had it all " A depressed - suicidel person cannot relate to that .

[@angelatrebor8681]

@Humble Guy ❤

[@rowdy7480]

@Humble Guy yes, ❤

[@kristinvandertick7591]

Carolyn Lyford Sullivan very well said🥰

[@sorrowandsufferin924]

And the worst thing: You really start to understand the steps you have to take to appear fine. It's said that people dealing with depression have a more accurate grasp on reality. Maybe that's a factor in understanding what people commonly believe to be a "normal" life. And one more point: Antidepressants are some of the most expensive medication out there, partly because they can screw you up so entirely, you're not only out of this life, you're two lifes over. People dealing with depressions take these antidepressants and then, afterwards, appear normal. This heavy medication, so powerful, is already in that illusion of a normal life.

[@rvanhees89]

@@sorrowandsufferin924 the most horrible part is that the longer you have depression the shorter or smaller your perception on the window of time gets. You start to lose the ability to look in the future and the past, you increasingly cannot see what lies ahead of you, and what lies behind you. You get trapped in a continious present of pain. There is only now, and now is here, and here is now. You are stuck, trapped in a present with only the presence of pain. Of pain and existential terror. Sure, suicide might seem like the easy way out, but only because they dont know how incredibly hard and awful the road is to get here. And here is now. *bang*

[@Kerosene.Dreams]

Life feels claustrophobic for a major depressive.

[@daveycrockett6781]

Interesting because I have felt that feeling at rare moments after dark so yes, there is a connection.

[@Kerosene.Dreams]

@@daveycrockett6781 You are left to your mind and all snafus of the day come to the front come to the front, as well as everything in your life that needs to be done or figured out that you have yet to do. Overwhelmed and claustrophobic are the same feeling, I think.

[@daveycrockett6781]

@@Kerosene.Dreams Perhaps you make a valid analogy that has me thinking so TU.

[@unggrabb]

My son died by suicide 5 weeks ago. He wasiving with paranoid schitzofrenia. We all thought he had turned the corner. It started to look better. Then...... I think he forgot everyone and everything, a snap decision. Why, we will never know. I was, am and will always be proud of my beautiful boy. No stigma, i am open about what happened. He was ill. I am glad you survived John. Take care

[@divinereference]

I’m so sorry!!

[@unggrabb]

@@divinereference thank you, the way back to life for us, the family has been hard. I know can feel happy again, happy that i had the privilege to have my beautiful boy for as long as i did. I visit his grave every week, it is covered with flowers, i often sit there and talk to my boy, and play some of the music i know he loved. He is not walking with me, walking with us anymore. But he knows that his father and family loved him dearly. And - that he is not forgotten.

[@deandraowens7936]

It's not an illness it's NEED! NEED for HELP! NEED for LOVE! NEED for UNDERSTANDING! NEED for CHANGE!

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

And it's sometimes an illness and sometimes a reaction to medication and sometimes it's a biochemical imbalance in the brain. Accepting the mystery of it and helping without the need to understand it is a start.

[@alanmclain7072]

Need for change.

[@4estdweller4ever]

@@JackieSimmons-NoDrama pOllp

[@OlgaMariaCarcamo]

I wanna hug him ♥

[@larsli8649]

Olga Maria Carcamo omg you're cutee

[@shizzle1975]

I’d like to hug you, him and everyone else who is either struggling with these issues or who is empathetic to them.

[@jayashinaparthiban1209]

@@shizzle1975 We need more people like you, yes I need a hug too ❤.

[@TicketTim]

"The number one symptom of Depression is the inability to feel pleasure" Stanford's Professor Robert Sapolsky On Depression

[@TUNABJJ]

I have attempted suicide and the darkness that one see's is as if one where living in hell. This video is empowering, it shows how much emotion and relief this man has. Best of luck to this man and all those who are going and have gone through this.

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

Thank you Jose for your kind feedback. I am glad you're still with us. :-)

[@angelatrebor8681]

❤Love & Strength to You❤

[@rowdy7480]

@@JohnNieuwenburg ❤

[@H3XED_OwO]

Yet at the same time you have this strange feeling of hope, like everything is finally coming to a close...

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@H3XED_OwO who is your lord grave first question

[@wendydarling1745]

I wake up every day and sob because I am still here. If I kill myself, I hurt all my family. So I try to live everyday, for my family. Nothing can help me anymore.

[@klanderkal]

I feel the same way as you. My family loves me.... but I'm so much in mental pain from my losses that meant everything to me. They said it's a form of trauma and grief. I got horrible anxiety and depression..! I also have insomnia... I don't sleep anymore. I'm like on shock. I can't believe how my life was destroyed,... and that it was my fault... suffering is so hard to endure. I feel you're pain. It's so unbearable

[@EASco22]

Stay here

[@klanderkal]

@EASco22 Trauma and loss is difficult for anyone to handle... then add on the Stress, Anxiety it causes...makes the tragedy worse. Then,.. Insomnia and depression shows up,.. making a very bad situation very,very, very difficult 😢

[@kingy8810]

Duloxetine should help you sleep

[@555Trout]

If you tell someone you're suffering from a potentially fatal liver disease they'll do everything to help and comfort you. If you tell someone you have clinical depression , often a fatal disease also, they tell you shake you to shake it off and think less of your character and often abandon you. Yet they are identical, sick body organs that can be fatal. Our culture is messed up. Because that stigma and abandonment highly increases the probability of fatality with depression. We have to get our act together. Cheers for this brave man.

[@daisygirl1217]

Support is key, if I had that my life would be much different. Not everyone has family and friends to be there for you.

[@2Tigerbabe]

So true…

[@VibrantVioletVisions]

He is a true hero

[@minichanz]

This is my favourite talk on mental illness, depression and suicide... having watched different suicide talks all day

[@PHanomaly]

Are you hanging in? Me too.❤

[@brentthomastrippjr802]

I don't think suicide is an act of cowerdnass I think some people can't even fathom what others are going through so we cannot be the judge of suicide I totally agree with this guy 100%

[@Toffee146]

....cowardice.

[@H3XED_OwO]

What often makes you hate yourself even more is that you are too much of a "coward" to kill yourself to begin with. It's more or less the other way around. (at least for me)

[@danielgiordani7625]

You are 100% right. As someone whos suffered severe depression and suicidal ideations for years. Been hospitalized more times than I can count, was on medication for years. I’ve been through pain and suffering the human brain can’t even comprehend. I’ve been to places so dark and painful you have no idea.

[@natelincoln]

The cure for being depressed is built into the word itself depressed=deep rest.

[@the-engneer]

I'll never forget trying to call a "suicide hotline" for help, and they immediately asked for payment. I was broke, so this made me even more suicidal

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

Free help - 24/7 1-800-273-8255

[@the-engneer]

@@JackieSimmons-NoDrama I'm not buying it

[@oslozeimantz1617]

a very authentic man with some incredible valid points. He came with the facts, and numbers. PLUS it was personal. His coming out, so to speak, is a chance and a message for all of us who think hiding is the best bet.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@johndoyle1810]

Suicidal thoughts are in my mind are chronic state of mind,crippling depression and sequences of events

[@kirstenhansen776]

Sir, you did more for me with this talk than any NAMI support group chat I have ever attended. Thank you.

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

HI Kirsten, thank you for your kind feedback. Best wishes to you going forward!

[@marypac4882]

You know, mate, it really depends on your NAMI support group. Try to other county

[@riejannetilgenkamp5190]

I hope everyone here gets happier you guys deserve it.

[@joannemates6367]

I’m 47 and have battled chronic depression for over 40 years. Most of it stems from severe childhood and generational trauma. What a BRILLIANT TED Talk and what a beautiful man. Much love, strength and peace, from Country Victoria. Australia. Xx

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@Hopefu11y]

What a beautiful and brave soul. How anyone can argue the points he addressed I don't know. They really can't. Suicide isn't an act of cowardice. He summed it up perfectly: it's an act of desperation. The number of different life stresses that can afflict people and push them to the point of suicide is staggering. This is no easy world to live in.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@HeliumCarbonated]

"At the time I didn't think their help was available" The real tragedy, in many ways. Thank you for surviving, by providence or mistake or fortune, and thank you for speaking. Thank you for displaying a real gut-punch of emotion on the stage, over and over again, that we may listen and prosper in ways you did not have the opportunity. I am humbled, sir. Thank you.

[@slcncr]

In my case of 30+ years with depression you can also add 30 years of loneliness. No Friends, no Love. I am 52 years old and realize that i have *never* experienced what it feels to be loved ( talking of the relationship / partnership sort of Love here ). Yes, you can feel very empty and useless when NO ONE wants you . The last time i have gently touched a woman or have been touched by one was on June 27th 1987. I am thinking about ending my life on a daily basis, for many years. And yes, i have been in psychiatric therapy too, for a long time , and i am on medication.

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

STAYing is very brave. Thank you.

[@arlethdelaf]

Everyone has a purpose on this earth. Life is not a competition and we all thrive at different stages. Your purpose in life will be revealed one day, maybe not tomorrow or next year but you have a purpose on this earth.

[@ligiailean1852]

You are loved and wanted! Do not despair please! I m here if you need to talk! God bless you always.

[@ligiailean1852]

I love your heart! 😇

[@yeshalloween]

I have no friends either. Never have. I truly understand.

[@natureandhappiness3846]

People who try to suicide do not want to end their lives. Instead they want to end the unbearable pain inside the brain.

[@jimtimmy93]

I still tear up when I'm reminded of what Robin Williams had to resort to. A man who only tried to make people laugh and feel better, and he could never do that for himself.

[@jimtimmy93]

LMAO hard pass

[@jimtimmy93]

I hope you reconsider the fact that you're speaking for an imaginary magical wizard that you think lives in the sky :D

[@anthonyreed7745]

whoever reads this As a survivor of suicide and battling everyday mentally don't give up if I can do it you can keep pushing

[@peterturley1331]

Brothers in Tears 💜

[@ChrisFarrellChannel]

💜

[@blindkimberly1360]

I’m glad for you. Hope you continue to push. I don’t wanna

[@mollystalk8373]

I have been at that place and am alive living a purposeful life

[@DiabolicalAngel]

The courage of this man to press on is inspiring for all.

[@ucntcit]

The world functions in a way where mental illness and suicide is absolutely unavoidable for some people.

[@greatestgoalie25]

13 months ago, I was at this point. No I have never been diagnosed, but I have felt depression and hopelessness and in the last 2 years it has been very hard to feel myself or like I was a positive part of my family. I spent 2 hours walking between a bench and the bridge I was debating jumping over. Back and forth several times...just lost. Until a homeless person (or at the very least down on their luck) came by me a second time since I had gotten to my spot. They had gotten enough money to do a little food shopping, or maybe someone else helped them. The point is, they got my attention as my head was in my hands, and offered me some granola bars. They said, "You look like you need this more." I'm a little skinny, but I really think that and my clear mental state was telling. That one act of kindness turned my mood around enough, just enough, that I stood up and walked back home. I wish to thank that person. They really helped me that day and I am happy they did.

[@benehakakakaiwi9955]

Most people (friends and family) would be mad at me, tell me to get help, red flag me, and never speak toe again. So I keep it to myself. Thank you for opening up to complete strangers and trying to help.

[@santabala6314]

We do not want to die or commit suicide, we just want to leave that brutal, unsustainable suffering. The deepest desires of my being are to be happy again, to be at peace and to live life full of emotion. Unfortunately, this affliction leaves us exhausted and we feel disappointed and hopeless. some, the medication helps a little, but it is covering up the real problem that is difficult to find.

[@MarkBossert]

Awesome brother. So glad you are still in my life!!!

[@kissingcandy1]

Wish mine was xx

[@loveahusky]

“Suicide,” he whispers, “It’s silence.” That was so powerful and so true. My respect ✊ to this man. I get it. Thank you for sharing it with everyone so we feel “real”

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@chanelle7823]

It's okay not to be okay. Don't feel ashamed. We love you. I love you. Been there, done that. 💞

[@PHanomaly]

We need, and deserve more than that, more than telling us it's okay not to be okay. That's NOT okay with me. We can, and must, do more.

[@alliterati1]

It took me seven years and a housemate that realized I was really not doing well to get actual help. I was diagnosed with depression at 15 after my first suicide attempt....I started consistent treatment at 22.

[@lilianacamacho5405]

I cried with him. he explained it so well. As someone who has considered it in the past. It is true, you don't know if you want to die, you just want the pain to stop and it is the only way to do it. Wish I could give him a huge hug. He is alive because he has a purpose. and this is it!!!

[@metnasopar8861]

How did you move on?

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

@@metnasopar8861 suicide not allowed

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@jackie1104]

This man is an inspiration. I can't even imagine the strength it takes to stand on that stage and tell his story.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@aprillroberts]

I too tried to hang myself 10 years ago. I don’t think I really wanted to die but I didn’t know how to live. Happy to say that with help and support my life has been turned around. I never judge 🙏

[@H3XED_OwO]

"I don’t think I really wanted to die but I didn’t know how to live."... that is way too relatable

[@nathanbadillo7534]

I think about suicide every single day on a daily basis, my whole life was negativity and stress and losing family members. I tell everyone about my pain but what I get is nothing, no help. All I ever think about suicide because I feel like nothing is getting better for me. I already know one day that day is going to make me snap and just not wanting to be here anymore. Ever since my mom passed when I was 11 everything goes down hill, I'm 19 now and now I just feel like I dont be long here. I hope one day everything changes for the better but until then I just dont see myself being here much longer.

[@robmarthin7156]

if you need help go talk to your friends, family and people you trust, life can be great and will get even better after the pandemic ends so do not waste it and life have a lot of good experiences and memories that are gonna make you think it was all worth it, a lot of people who tried to end their lives remember that they changed their mind and are happy to be alive, if necessary search for help in the internet and if you can afford it call a therapist "ending your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" also do not be shy to call for help.

[@gurwi3088]

i wish more people like us could meet eye to eye and get some help, it's just so hurtfull to deal with people who don't get it and just make you feel worse

[@Hrshsngh_19]

I cannot believe this that he gave the exact analogy of world trade that I once said to my friend. We were having a discussion on suicide and she said people who commit suicide are weak then I said, a lot of people jumped from the building in 9/11, that's not being weak its just how life feels in depression. Life is like a burning building sometimes. And there is nothing wrong in being weak. You're strong I'm weak. Good for you good for me.

[@rodbrez6415]

I've tried to get help recently. Out of 6 calls, I got out on 1 waiting list, left 5 messages and a week later have heard nothing. I can't even pay someone to listen.

[@Shellyshocked]

My daughter attempted suicide this past year. She was on life support for a week, we weren't sure if she'd make it but, she did. She was actually pissed when she woke up in the hospital and realized we had kept her on life support. She was held in the hospital for a week more on a suicide watch. the nurses and doctors were extremely rude to her. They would complain that she was taking up a room that could be used for "real" sick people. They would tell her this was her own fault she put herself there. Obviously what she did landed her in the hospital but, the psychiatrist evaluating her should have been more sensitive. Finally they released her with the stipulation she got therapy and medication for her depression. We called at least five places within our area and all of them had a 5 to 8 month waiting list to get in to see someone. And all the private practices didn't take her insurance. She almost lost her job because her boss said she had to be in therapy before coming back to work. She tried to explain there was a 5 to 8 month waiting list. She begged her to come back to work until she could finally get in to see someone. After 2 months of being out of work, they finally gave in and let her come back. It's sad that if she had been diagnosed with cancer or some other physical illness her colleagues and bosses would have been sympathetic and rallied around her with support. But because it's a mental illness she's treated like a criminal. Her colleagues would Whisperer behind her back and they stopped talking to her. The worst part is the same people she works with work in a hospital. She is a clinical assistant and she was hospitalized in the same hospital she works in. HIPAA is supposed to protect a patient's personal information but, because she works there everybody found out. One of the nurses who works with her was the one to go and tell her boss what happened. That's when they gave her a hard time about coming back to work. That nurse had know right to say anything to the higher-ups. She said if she ever attempts again, she will make sure she doesn't make it. Especially after seeing how badly she was treated. She hides her depression from everyone because she doesn't want to be treated badly. That was the problem in the first place. She kept hiding it and pretending like nothing was wrong until it finally became too much. people always feel bad for people who are sick with a terminal illness who say they want to die because they're in too much pain. Sadly if you're in emotional pain and you want to die, you're just considered crazy and unstable. Sorry this is such a long comment. I just wanted to get my point across that even in 2019 nothing has changed :(

[@rodbrez6415]

@@Shellyshocked no, thanks for that. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and I hope it all works out. Some days are better than others. I hope your daughter finds the better ones. Hang in there.

[@PHanomaly]

Bingo!!!

[@PHanomaly]

Yes, me too, "I cant even pay someone to listen".

[@josephf9169]

The worst is that in-between pain, when you suffer enough to make it terrible, but not enough to make it stop. Also, when the only reason you’d continue is cuz you don’t want your nephews to have this pain grafted on them. I’ve gotten better over the years. What do I recommend?-frequent exercise and close friends.

[@Yolduranduran]

Living takes a lot of courage. I can imagine e when people feel they have none left.

[@loveahusky]

God, this man makes me want to cry 😭. What a hero.

[@treatmenice1564]

Total hero! Wow! That's one brave man!

[@iancampbell9297]

What a courageous man !! So much respect for him ,actually cried with him.. I have struggled with depression all my life ..

[@akabaneolivia9550]

I can't imagine the amount of bravery this took. I've got so much respect for this man.

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@annaw982]

Notice how Reagan R and Mondale D were so nice & cordial and towards each other? Good old days are over.

[@legneil]

The thing is when the medical professional tell you that your not depress.I walked out on psychologist after he said that to me,and since then i never talked about it to anyone.

[@goodintentions1302]

Neil Legacy, Please try again. I know how slim the chances of getting a good counselor are. Yet there are some good ones out there. I'm searching again myself. I'm also trying to get genetic testing done because antidepressants have never helped me. Unfortunately, the new doctor I'm going to for that says the genetic testing doesn't help. I feel like I have to do something though. I'm also going to ask him about ketamine infusions. I hate that thought of that. My only other option is to "hole up" because I've gotten to the point where I can't stand being around people.

[@angelatrebor8681]

@@goodintentions1302 ❤

[@mophead_xu]

happened to me, maybe in 8th grade. told that it was just puberty and hormones doing their thing, and other kids experience it too. well, i cant focken ask them if they felt so lonely they wished they were dead too, can i?? especially since i had no friends, wasnt really close to anyone, and the psychologist KNEW this. years later, even with friends, i still struggle with it. tell me any 20-something year old that still "goes through puberty", if that was really just puberty and hormones. the stupidest part was i instinctively felt like i had to avoid mental health "professionals" altogether ever since then, but never quite put the pieces together until i was about 19. only then i was like, "ooh, so thats why. so maybe am not sabotaging meself just to keep the "depressed" brand, i was scared."

[@PHanomaly]

@@goodintentions1302 boy, I am in exactly the same spot.

[@goodintentions1302]

@@PHanomaly, I still am on the waiting list so haven't seen anyone yet. I've gotten into a financial bind with car repairs and more recently large dental bills. The minimal social interaction has now been changed to online only since I was, unknowingly at the time, exposed to CoVid-19 and developed a scratchy throat. I'm not as interested in the genetic testing now. I got totally ticked off with some people, kicked them out of my life, and haven't been as depressed since. The CoVid-19 hugger should have known to be careful since they'd just been in Italy. Instead, they visited all around, claiming they had a cold. I'd been fed up with their sarcasm and making a joke out of everything. They can bugger-off from now on!

[@valiantmickles5382]

John, thank you, especially for telling the truth. The act of suicide is not to kill him or herself. It is a cry for help because that person can not find anyway to make the pain, confusion or weight of burdens go away. I was taking medication for depression but it was not working? Please explain to the DOJ that those people that attempt suicide, get the correct help they need, should not be deemed unsafe to own or possess firearms. This happened to me. I planned to learn more about my handgun and shotgun and then to become an instructor of firearms. Firearms are not for shooting one's self. A gun leaves too much of a mess behind. To use a gun in this way dishonors the gun and what it is meant for; to protect ones home and family. As you say depression is an illness. It is treatable through therapy and medication. But treatment is not the same for each person. But this illness does not mean that each person that has this illness is not able to safely have, or use a firearm. That is a part of my hope...so that perhaps one day I can teach others about weapons; the responsibility that comes with ownership of a weapon and the necessity to keep it in a safe, controlled place (away from kids). Thank you John. I am glad that you did not die and, that your partner and family gathered around you. Thank you for having the strength to "out" yourself. More of us need to do this.

[@awesomeawesomesauce]

I get that as a theoretical framework, calling a suicide attempt a "cry for help" is feasible but come on. It's not. It's a horrible solution that people come up with in a severely compromised state of mind. They want their pain to end but cannot fix it so they take matters into their own hands. Sure, things MIGHT get better but it seems impossible. So poof, after much deliberation, the decision is made and even more deliberation is taken as the person wants the pain to end but doesn't want to die so they seesaw between going through and not. It's a stupid thing stupid people do. I should know, I've tried and know a lot of people that have. Funny but birds of a feather do flock together. My point being, you're using words that are helpful but not nessecarily truthful. Some lies are needed at the moment of pain. A person that commits suicide because they've cheated usually can't be told, "you ARE in the wrong, but you shouldn't commit suicide anyway" no matter how true that statement is. BUT it irks me. What you're doing in your words is a violation of the principle of truth and fairness. If the facts are so painful they cause people to commit suicide isn't of a higher priority to let the truth out rather than protecting the weak willed? It irks me. From a moral and ideal standpoint, it pisses me off.

[@debbiesmith8248]

I’ve been fighting suicidal thoughts since 2001. Now I know I won’t do it, but I really look forward to the day I die. My pain will end then.

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

Hugs.

[@debbiesmith8248]

@@JackieSimmons-NoDrama, thank you

[@vivianasings7029]

I'm just gonna get through this quarantine by running a ton and watching every TED talk i can

[@liztaiNCAD]

God bless you for your courage - I'm bipolar and I've learned about beating the stigma - I need to talk, and others need to hear and repeat the hero's stories like yours. Thanks a lot

[@charlyannekirby]

A neighbour took his own life yesterday. He was young, handsome and his folks had bought his flat for him. He's recently been struggling with illness of some kind. He hung himself in the communal stairwell. So tragic! Such a loss. We all need to become Advocates in our local communities. Be people who others can come to for a chat. I wish I'd have spoken to this guy now. RIP Tom xx

[@mariaseidi4764]

Yes but normally depressed people avoid conversation and socializing ,it's part of the disease...when samebody really reach rock bottom nothing can help (money ,friends ,doctors...).Believe me I have been you there.

[@ligiailean1852]

God rest his soul!😇

[@DJ-yj1vg]

I've suffered depression and can attest to this man's views. The very thing we need to get better, understanding, patience, tolerance, is denied to us because society thinks the illness is contageous. So we become more and more isolated and depressed. It's like falling into a well and everyone walking by laughing or ignoring us.

[@tisminnit]

Ive been really suicidal the last week and ive watched like almost every ted talk about suicide.. i dont understand who is disliking these videos... idk why it baffles me and concerns me but it does.

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

@Sarah, I think that fear often shows up as anger.

[@JacobP81]

Thank you. I suffer from depression too. And sometimes it can be really hard.

[@healthyone100]

me too!

[@gardeningbyheart4912]

John Nieuwenburg, thank you so much for your bravery. I lost a 15 year old son to suicide in 2012. I and the world lost a wonderful young man the day he left, and of course our family will never be the same. He will always be missing. We need to talk about this. It needs to be ok for people to talk without judgement about their mental illness, feelings, perceptions. Please keep telling your story and creating awareness!

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

Thanks, Karen, I wish all the best to you and your family. And yes, I will and do keep telling the story!

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

@@JohnNieuwenburg Roger is trying to connect us so that I can interview you on The Suicide Prevention Show.

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

@@JackieSimmons-NoDrama I sent you a reply by email to the introduction Roger sent us.

[@truecrimeandsomewine]

I am very proud of this man for his strength

[@sandygoodwick6126]

Deeply good. Perhaps the best TED talk I’ve seen on suicide. Thank you!

[@ibrahimghibihisab8913]

Suicide not allowed

[@avacaza7851]

"Rather than ask 'why the suicide?', ask, 'why the pain?' " This is SO POWERFUL. I am in pain because of what my parents did to me and my little sister. I am in pain because I lived the 1st 20 years of my life through physical, psychological, verbal, emotional abuse and neglect. I am in so much pain because I have the ability to emphasize and love people and cannot fathom why my parents chose to do what they did.

[@grahampaice5696]

The best way to handle that in my opinion is to to ask Jesus to help you to forgive them

[@PHanomaly]

Yup, you get it roo.❤

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

Hugs

[@rumana3211]

WOW! We need brave people like you to lead us towards the 'Utopian' world that we all envision. You certainly changed my perspective. Hats off to you!!!

[@vickilynn9514]

I admire this man's courage for coming forward and voicing what is too often taboo in our culture. Whilst this was an important and great talk in many respects, I take exception to depression being labelled a "mental illness". When you label someone as "mentally ill" when they are simply struggling in life, you are actually encouraging stigma - people will conform their self-evaluation and behaviour to such a label, and will be viciously judged for it. Depression is a normal response to an uncaring, fragmented society and to a life that is often frightening and difficult for all of us.

[@evacody1249]

It's on the DSM 5 it is a mental illness. Now please go away with your lies.

[@JackieSimmons-NoDrama]

"Depression" is also encoded in our genes. It's what allowed our common ancestor, the caveman, to survive winters when food was scarce. The challenge is that we don't know how to adapt to our current world with our caveman wiring.

[@marisaranieri2745]

The most compassionate explanation of Suicidal thoughts, I have heard. I recently attempted to end my life; the pain I felt was all consuming & that pain endures

[@damchel1008]

if you need help go talk to your friends, family and people you trust, life can be great and will get even better after the pandemic ends so do not waste it and life have a lot of good experiences and memories that are gonna make you think it was all worth it, a lot of people who tried to end their lives remember that they changed their mind and are happy to be alive, if necessary search for help in the internet and if you can afford it call a therapist "ending your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" also do not be shy to call for help.

[@coralday2009]

Listen to the people you say you love.

[@billblass5961]

Hey John, after watching your talk, you are far too valuable to lose...I feel this way and I'm a stranger.

[@W5Coaching]

Bill Blass thank you Bill

[@elainemcdonald4117]

I want to say thank you- I found your lecture incredibly brave and so beautifully composed.. Ten minutes after I watched it, I was struck by something I wonder if anyone else wondered - the fluid filled abscess in your liver, that must have been growing there for ages; surely that would have affected your brain; caused it to be depressed? I have thought for ages that depression is a sign your are physically ill, something festering, hidden away and undetected. I have read that the stats are high for Alzheimer's patients being depressed for decades before the Alzheimer's obvious symptoms reveal themselves. I hope you are thriving now, vital and happy!

[@W5Coaching]

Elaine, thank you for your kind comments. The cause of the liver abscess was never determined. I was under the care of 5 different medical team as they tried to determine the cause. I think your theory is quite plausible. Depression and mental illness is a physical illness of the brain which gets manifested as behavioural issues. May 25 of this year is my 5th (re)birthday and I am healthier than ever. Thanks again for your lovely feedback.

[@phillkj]

W5 Coaching my doctor told me that when depression goes untreated for so long it causes physical symptoms. That happened to me, I was so sick and in and out of ERs but depression was never diagnosed. I suffered with depression for over 2 decades

[@angelatrebor8681]

@@phillkj ❤

[@angelatrebor8681]

@@W5Coaching ❤👍

[@EudamoniaTrout]

I suffer from mental illness and just lost my spouse who refuses to acknowledge that my depression has been the main reason behind my lack of productivity and my avoidance of social situations. I was told by her to pull up my bootstraps and to stop feeling sorry for myself. Last week I attempted to kill myself and today she officially separated from me. She has always been a loving woman, an educated woman, but it illustrated just how far our society has to go when it comes to the stigma of mental illness. I'm not out of the woods. I am getting therapy and the support of my children but I feel like I'm just avoiding the inevitable at times. Thank you John for speaking up for us. I have watched this talk repeatedly and it does provide me some hope. Don't run away from the people in your life who have a mental illness. Love them and help them to fight to illuminate the tunnel we can so hopelessly be trapped in.

[@trishalish64]

That was very powerful John. I have an Uncle and a nephew with mental illness. I also have a cousin that committed suicide. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you

[@nicolasgonzalez5277]

I understand perfectly I have depression Im glad he's talking about it openly

[@vwd3781]

Your courage is to be admired. Thank you. A lesser man couldn't have said it.

[@neelywoodruff4964]

That was so relatable. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story.

[@rivercanyon7508]

When you have gone through EVERY chain of command to cry out for help for so many years and no one comes. Being railroaded. Blackmailed. Blackballed pushes people to failure. I went to leaders , authority figures for help. "No" I went to family and friends. "No". Then I made bad decisions and failed horribly. Now, I'm really hated. I never in the past eceived the help in many legal matters that took place in my life and now my failure has justified all the no's in an unjustified way. There is only justice for the masses of people who don't even agree with each other on other important matters to a human child's life and a mother who was ostracized before my failures corrupted my honest validations then. Now, it doesnt matter. Who to trust to be at peace? I have not seen the tangible aspects of this support.

[@geographicoddity9444]

My son, the light of my life, committed suicide last week. The hardest part for me is knowing that he was in so much pain and I didn’t know it. He was always a quiet, private person, so I didn’t meddle in his life. Now, I wish I had. He was only 46-years-old.

[@ThereIsAFountainHeavenlyPlaces]

so sorry for your loss

[@ligiailean1852]

May God rest his soul! 😇

[@ligiailean1852]

May God rest his soul! 😇

[@CopingwithGrattitude]

So sorry for your loss. Depression is rampant in my family, I am at a loss in what to do with my own family members, who refuse help and treatment.

[@lindaleman1120]

Oh my goodness what a wonderful brave and generous soul! Thank you John Nieuwenburg for sharing your powerful story and asking us to join you.

[@rodjanz189]

Well done John. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@kafrko]

This talk really started a change in how i see my own suicide attempt. I really thought it was my own personal flaw that lead me to do it and i still feel so damn selfish for doing that. Even though i don't judge any other person who tried to kill himself, i do it with me, but for the first time, after a lot of therapy (but in a whole other direction), i see you mr Nieuwenburg made the points i needed to finally feel better about myself. My deepest respect and thanks to you!

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

All the best to you!

[@kafrko]

@@JohnNieuwenburg Thank you very much! I didn't see that comming.

[@optimalperformance]

Thank you for your amazing story to fight the stigma and encourage people to get help. Will recommend your lecture to everyone I know.

[@JohnNieuwenburg]

***** Thank you, and thanks for your help!

[@BeaVizcarra]

This man is such a wonderful person for sharing with us with anguish. Far from seeing him as weak I see a brave person worthy of all the care and support available.

[@MsJenn0806]

I have scares from where I try to bleed out by cutting mental illness is no fun I wish it on no one....

[@zamanehzamani8984]

Thanks to the presenter. He faced his condition. My husband didn't want help. I was the one who tried and tried to help him because I loved him. He killed himself and he ripped my heart when he is gone. I'm shattered because he was too proud to do something about his situation. But it is ok I hurt but I understand that much I love him. I just wished for him to help himself so my beautiful husband could be by my side at this hour.😢

[@silascochran9705]

This may have been one of the best TED Talks ever this man is incredible he lives for a reason and the reason is you what a beautiful heart

[@angelo7217]

In a group session we found that 1-4 ratio is true. People who look happy, appear confident and seem to have it all, once tried suicide. I tried at 13 and withdrew my finger from the trigger because I couldn’t do it to my mom. She had already had a mental breakdown. I live my life with appreciation each day but I fend off the demon of suicide each day too. One day at time, makes a lifetime of growth and unexpected joy.

[@drakedoragon3026]

Sadly as David Benatar in his book “The Human Predicament” he makes a very sobering point. If people are in physical or mental pain they are in a conundrum. Stay and be miserable or leave and make others miserable. For the record he’s not pro suicide, but is just making the logical point of how difficult it is to be alive knowing we’ll die in the end. I would offer that our current economic situation and civilization in general is one of the leading causes of depression because the world is pretty messed up if one really looks at it with a logical perspective. For example; if you live in a developed country, we’re afforded material items at the cost of the less fortunate, but it’s difficult to look at this so we ignore it. We are born with a survival mechanism, which keeps many pushing on, but we all know in the end we’ll end up leaving loved ones behind.

[@laurieberry4814]

I am so glad that you are still alive. Stay that way.

[@forestchild487]

no. people who are suicidal or tried to suicide themselves are not cowards. they are HEROES. for battling with their illness every day. just like this man. HERO!