The Daily Show - Democalypse 2016 - Ted Cruz Is In (ft. Jason Jones and Samantha Bee)

Jason Jones and Samantha Bee demonstrate why it was necessary for Senator Ted Cruz to practice kissing his wife before his big announcement to run for president.
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[@everoposuo]

I bet that if the students at Liberty University weren't required to go to Ted Cruz's speech, no one would have gone.

[@todshi]

Well, it was either listen to Cruz's bullshit or pay 10 bucks.

[@scruminator]

todshi I would've payed a hundred if it meant I wouldn't have to listen to a suited-up idiot.

[@todshi]

Brandon Tseng I'm surprised that we didn't see students hanging themselves in the auditorium as he gave his speech.

[@scruminator]

If it was required, I would purposely interrupt his speech just so I wouldn't have to hear that awful voice.

[@Ohana9999]

+Evans O God, what a sad- scratch that, hilarious sight that would have been. xD

[@MelMelodyWerner]

"Imagine a president that abolishes the IRS." Thank fucking God that's only a hypothetical.

[@anonymousindividual9534]

+xlou why is it madness

[@anonymousindividual9534]

***** Ahhhh... if you haven't been paying attention thats was a question asked in the debates. Ted Cruz said a small office in the treasury

[@Snaperkid]

+JEM GamingHD That's how the IRS started out.

[@partyguy101ify]

+JEM GamingHD Really, and how do you suppose they keep up with the exorbitant number of tax returns every year, not to mention the jackasses who don't file and have to go through audits? The IRS, just like many other government agencies and systems, may be flawed, but at least it gets the job done, again like many other government agencies and systems.

[@anonymousindividual9534]

+Andrew Bjork Dude we have to do an audit and make it more efficient and effective

[@leannb2513]

HAHA the Rand Paul tshirts get me every time!

[@franktownsend410]

I like Trevor but I really wish Jon would have stayed thru this election!

[@0Clewi0]

Probably the head company was all in for Clinton and Jon didn't want to be restricted.

[@departmentofdate2263]

0Clewi0 Omfg stfu with that

[@TheVideomaker2341]

Frank Townsend 222nd like xD

[@peter-johndamonse5035]

Imagine 4 years later👀

[@ahmadashoori5988]

No, he knew that a crazy election is what shot him up to prominence and popularity so he wanted to give the next guy that same advantage

[@milesfinnch7348]

I wonder if Jon's kicking himself retiring 2 years too early. This has been the most crazy political season in my memory.

[@thebacons5943]

I actually believe his being around could have made a difference. Maybe republicans still would have nominated Trump, but come the general election he would have been a stabilizing force to help people cut through trump's bs

[@kiwitowel]

Not to mention Jon was a celebrated political and media cynic on both sides. I think it would have changed things to have Stewart pointing out Hillary's BS and the media's defense of it. Now we just have Trevor kissing ass.

[@rahishah8033]

He definitely is xD

[@gregvetter5070]

I don't know. Probably a good thing he did. His head might have exploded.

[@0Clewi0]

kiwitowel I think it was the media plan to defend Hillary's BS if what could have made Jon retire before the election.

[@don1eG59]

I'm from Texas and I don't want Ted Cruz to be in the race

[@nothri]

steven alvarado Hear, hear! Fellow Texan, I salute you. I've voted Republican in the past (though personally I consider myself Independent) but the current crop of politicians from my state are just....embarrassing.

[@voscra]

nothri Bernie Sanders a true indpendent running for president.

[@nothri]

Hashtag I'll look into him.

[@techreflection1749]

steven alvarado I want Ted to run, very badly. If John is going to retire Ted Cruz is going to be his last best friend on The Daily Show.

[@davefordavefor]

It appears that the current crop of politicians in general are embarrassing. Not just Texas. I am independent in that I do not belong to any party. On many occasions I have heard some staunch republicans say their piece. The overwhelming majority of the time they tend to not really have their own opinions, but, seem to simply be against anything that is not republican. There is a local republican radio personality who always seems to be completely disrespectful to anyone who does not agree with the republican line of thinking. Most recently he referred to Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont as Crazy Bernie Sanders. In my opinion, it seems as though "Crazy" Bernie Sanders is one of the few (if not the only) sane people running for President. He actually seems to care about people who are not extremely wealthy.

[@cwispynoodles7672]

Remember what happened the last time we voted for a Texan Republican?.. George Bush Happened.

[@WoodenSalsa]

why focus on his birthplace? why not look at his record? GW Bush wasn't very conservative. he was solidly in the GOP establishment. he supported the Patriot Act. (something which Obama has DRASTICALLY expanded, which according to your logic means we shouldn't vote for Hillary cause she's a democrat too) and Bush also supported the Wall Street Bail-outs, NO self-respecting conservative would support that garbage. whether or not you like cruz's policies, no one can deny his honesty and tenacity, why else do you think the establishment GOP's like John Boehner and John McCain be bad-mouthing him? the GOP establishment HATES Cruz. that, i think is a huge feather in Cruz's cap.

[@midxtimer1541]

Honesty. " no global warming past 10 years! Democrats repeal first amendment! Democrats threaten shutting down church's if they don't change their beliefs!" Honesty. Sarcasm*

[@cwispynoodles7672]

WoodenSalsa Remember a time when someone can tell a political joke and not get nagged by some asshole on the internet?

[@RobertEskuri]

AsianSensation Studios I remember! Gasoline was $5 a gallon, banks were stealing people's houses, and we had a terrorist attack that killed thousands of our citizens on our own soil in one day. And then we started a war based on lies that has led to the destabilization of the entire Middle East. Ah, the good 'ol days.

[@cwispynoodles7672]

Robert Eskuri Thanks for being an example bud :D

[@djtomoy]

It’s nice to see how ted cruz has transformed from a weird little man to a different kind of weird little man over the last 5 or so years

[@Bjefferson71320]

I remember watching this one day at the end of class in AP Gov my sophomore year of high school, we were all rolling at this😂😂😂

[@jumanahsalama394]

Omg Ted's speech was so embarrassing I can feel it 2 years later...

[@MrPhilbo03]

Abolish the IRS? I'm sure he has many great ideas on how to fund the military, schools, roads etc. I'd love to hear his brilliant ideas.

[@Quincy_Morris]

All of those things were funded for a hundred years before in on tax became a thing

[@nicolewu2650]

David Umstattd well back in those days there was no public education and a 9-year old could work for 12 hours a day. And plus back in those day nobody cared about old and disabled people either. But now if you abolish IRS, the national debt...well I don't even have to mention anything

[@Quincy_Morris]

Nicole Wu wow... your view of history is so flawed I don't know where to begin correcting you. I don't even think it's possible.

[@nicolewu2650]

David Umstattd well as far as I know income tax is 16 th amendment which came out around 1910s, in an age which did not have social security for elderly or even 40 hour work day. Plus I do believe that they did have extremely high tariffs back then to offset budget costs, but now, high tariffs? HA, HAHAHA

[@DescendingBlade]

The income tax is theft

[@IAmCommonSense]

Did he say "abolishing the IRS?" As in, the Internal Revenue Service? As in, that which funds the government? ????

[@jackwarren1687]

As I rewatch this in 2019, one thing is most clear....cruz would never get into hogwarts

[@Tamaki742]

There's this guy who just didn't care when he talked, just studying XD

[@chunkachocolat4611]

That photo of Cruz kissing his wife made everything in me shrivel up

[@iliakatster]

Ted Cruz: The government should respect the privacy of its citizens Also Ted Cruz: The government forcing companies to program back doors to people's data that could be abused by the government and hackers that find the backdoor is perfectly fine.

[@tmanepic]

Liberty University! "the students were required to attend a partisan rally" hmmmmm....

[@todshi]

Jason and Samantha are comic geniuses to come up with their kissing bit. It was the funniest part of this segment.

[@annielapointe6529]

I fucking died at the Rand Paul shirts

[@vahidfarahani5142]

Even after 3 years that joke about sodomy cracks me up.

[@hazukichanx408]

"Deepthroating every Iowa pig farmer within yodeling distance"... where does he get this stuff? Pure gold, in any case.^^

[@inkajoo]

Ted Cruz is so cute. He looks like a little penguin!

[@todshi]

Reminds me of Danny DeVito in "Batman Returns".

[@privateramirez]

Shave him, and he will look like Uncle Fester from the Adams Family

[@eolinluna]

the slytherins find this offensive!

[@newtonconniglio2466]

We do!

[@mikaeleriksondiola9446]

as a fellow Slytherin, I agree.

[@pixieperfect567]

Totally :) We don't want him!

[@notbraindead7298]

Jon Stuart is brilliant. And he’s right about the sentence having the most comedic words in one sentence. It absolutely cracked me up! 😂

[@lenniegodber7805]

It's no wonder so much is political in the US The candidates start campaigning 18 months early!

[@kiraworthington]

Slytherin wouldn't want him

[@nakiehswodahs7]

Love the trolling at the 2:30 mark.

[@andrearupe6035]

i always get so excited whenever i see samantha bee xDD

[@persgodiva]

As a Slytherin, I resent that. Ted Cruz is clearly a total muggle.

[@andreaskarlsson5251]

He'd totes be in Slytherin. :P And some of the best wizards and witches are muggles!!

[@alphaomegagiant]

@@andreaskarlsson5251 you mean some of the best witches and wizards are muggle-born. Muggle literally means they have no magic.

[@andreaskarlsson5251]

@@alphaomegagiant yes, i meant were not are - obviously. :P

[@seanmatthewking]

Andreas karlsson Spoken like a straight up muggle.

[@paytonborland2327]

Let's be honest, he's a closeted squib

[@Moonlitwatersofaqua]

The Rand Paul T-Shirts XD

[@ryolite4592]

Thank you Jon Stewart! !!

[@daindelanty]

Brilliant Mind with such a comedic and artistic approach to critique! Praise Jah for John Stewart!!

[@AJReed-hd1qt]

I am offended that he said Ted Cruz would be in Slytherin. Clearly, Cruz is a Hufflepuff.

[@yeehawleon6942]

April Reed Don't bring Hufflepuffs into this!

[@AJReed-hd1qt]

Why ' 😂 my bad. Let's just say he went to Durmstrang

[@MrConstantine02]

Hufflepuffs are kind, joyful and loyal above all else. How in the world does Cruz qualify as ANY of those?

[@Darksky1001able]

A.J. Reed Hey hey hey he is the furthest thing from a Hufflepuff. The furthest thing. I dont even think he counts as a member of a house, hes just the janitor.

[@raulrolon7]

Wish Stewart would've retired after the race ended. He would've had a field day with this group of candidates.

[@ShanerTheGrey]

Miss you Jon. Happy 2020

[@quintonguidryb1-fba]

Btw, I forgot how HILARIOUS Jon Stewart is, lmbo !

[@camrynmay8306]

I"ve never seen a Slytherin look more like a Hufflepuff

[@simon199418]

He's out, everyone can relax now....Till he is appointed secretary of defence or something

[@mrastralweeks9396]

+simon199418 I can't see Trump, Clinton or Sanders appointing him anything tbh so you can relax

[@jackcurtis9002]

4.42"... But those kids' cellphones were already out." Oh, that burns forever.

[@SemanticZen]

I love these two. When is the "Bee Jones News Hour" finally going to be a show!!!

[@stubee3924]

Attention America: re T. Cruz. It seems required that a reminder may be needed to review the contract fine print. "NO DEPOSIT , NO RETURN" "ALL SALES FINAL" (in French) Note: Also included in the J Bieber and Celine Dion sales contract. Sorry.............Have nice day....................EH!

[@ignoranceisbliss7886]

I still come back to this video for the “and sodomize them” joke.. absolute gold.

[@francislorico4003]

🤣Samantha Bee and Jason Jones are both funny.

[@jamiehouk6965]

John Stewart is always so smart about politicians!

[@ayeapprove]

2:22 notice the upside down US flag ;)

[@brianjones8899]

I don't know how the hell you caught that. Bravo sir, bravo.

[@MrPiccoloku]

+Herrdesrings Why do Daily Show videos have these one-frame images? Is this some subliminal messaging bullshit? ;)

[@4exgold]

+Herrdesrings of course those students had to attend, so obviously a number would be anti-Cruz

[@dion5884]

i just don't understand why Jon quit right before the electon!!

[@jamiekamihachi3135]

My 66 year old dad sent me this. I also found out that day my dad watches the Daily Show.

[@codymurphy3493]

I was there when that happened. It was glorious.

[@Nolan45000]

He lost my vote because he's too religious, and religion is becoming an issue.

[@InsideCellardoor]

Oh but john, thats not fair to Slytherine.

[@timm9818]

I really want to imagine those guys in the Rand t-shirts were actually wearing Ayn Rand shirts!

[@tristanmoller9498]

The last point was so on point

[@jspres86]

Everyone in America should've been shown this clip. Cruz would have been out a week afterwards

[@pomaflah]

Cruz should have practiced hugging.

[@MultiJebusChrist]

4:24- Jon Stewart gold right there!

[@KamsPoliticalPredictions]

3:15 SHOTS FIRED 😂😂😂

[@junkmail7590]

How many of you guys texted constitution to 33733 after watching this

[@alexvietzke6027]

Knowing collage kids, they probably texted something extremely different

[@japoniano]

+Junk Mail And what happens if you do?

[@lesslycepeda9693]

+Mauricio Villegas You subscribe to some messaging list. I've had it this whole time and have been asked to volunteer, lol.

[@markoproloscic4492]

Im sorry but Cruz is totally a Hufflepuff...

[@flynniejunior838]

Fuck off. We don't want him. The Sorting Hat would just scream "IT BURNS!"

[@lukeorlando4003]

I thought the same thing

[@newtonconniglio2466]

They'd send him back.

[@davidconjefferson]

Awwww... miss this guy... I still hear "March 21st, 2016, from comedy central's world news headquarters, in new york, this is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart." every time the intro starts hahaha. Trevor Noah is doing good though.

[@dadadruma]

Nice Green Screen effect @ 2:42 LMAO

[@harrietmilton8397]

SLYTHERIN IS NOT EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@whatif5108]

If only they got that

[@MrConstantine02]

The founder of the house was a racist old man who hid a giant snake inside a school with the explicit purpose of *murdering children* whom he felt were of the "lesser" kind. That alone should tell you a lot of things about the house itself.

[@kinjalkadakia6933]

exactly! joanne just doesn't understand nuance

[@doraaaa0613]

As a Slytherin, I'm offended. xD Cruz is no Slytherin. He's like the Peter Pettigrew kind of Gryffindor. I'd say Trump is as well, but he has Lockhart levels of arrogance. Hillary Clinton... Now Hills is a Slytherin.

[@onlyhousestarklivesmatter]

Agreeeedd!!

[@ryantaylor4766]

Slytherin isn't evil like a lot of people think it is, either! They're cunning and ambitious, but that's not a bad thing.

[@doraaaa0613]

R. Taylor Yeah, and every house can have someone evil in it. It's not like Gryffindor is only full of morally sound & accomplished people lol!

[@ryantaylor4766]

Yeah, exactly!

[@thisisnotaaron]

crossfires While you may have solid logic, I refuse to have Cruz or Trump tarnishing the Gryffindor house.

[@guyfieri2173]

That was a damn good John Lennon joke.

[@dashiellridgway9354]

Who else expected him said hufflepuff at the sorting hat bit

[@joeleustice]

Ted Cruz is Supreme Leader Snoke! (spoilers)

[@ernestpurcell5502]

Libs are attacking Cruz. Repubs are attacking Cruz. If libs AND Repubs hate Cruz then Cruz definitely has my vote.

[@douchebag666master]

We'll alert the media, Ernie, because we all care so deeply.

[@OrionMaybs]

You're fucking dumb

[@arimax888]

lol I wonder how many were even paying attention!:D

[@TheOutNash]

Missed this guy !!!

[@pikapika508]

I don't think even Slytherin would take Cruz.

[@kylanfedje3358]

Cruz said he wants to respect the privacy of all Americans, but as soon as he saw his check from the telecommunications lobby he must've changed his mind, given that he voted in favor of the most recent bill that allows IPSs to freely sell your browsing data without your consent.

[@buttermanex2002]

Bruh the Rand Paul T shirts kills me

[@Ireland264]

Another one gone, and another gone, another one bites the dust hey hey!!

[@MonkeyDLuffy-tr3ps]

hah 3:27 says 'Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon' in Latin

[@ognii]

Oh I love his shows. I lol and he got point!!

[@notyourdamnbusiness8795]

im not an expert or shit, but every alarm bell in my head goes mental when i see cruz.

[@FrizzKid05]

BAHAHAHA @ "I'm a princess!" :P

[@Tom-cn4cm]

I don't get those students. They go to one of the most conservative university in America. Shouldn't they be the kind of people who are excited by someone like Cruz?

[@KealohaHarrison]

Literally everyone who isn’t a blood relative to Ted Cruz hates Ted Cruz (and even then I don’t think all of his family members are that fond of him)

[@tinydancer8536]

I wore Stewart and Colbert for 2008. Jagger and Richards for 2008. Bernie for 2008. ? Wait, which election did I watch?

[@bellabompi8886]

Hello from 2021. Shit is about to hit the fan....

[@fernandoballadares8082]

5:21 sums it all up. You're welcome

[@doifhg]

Heh, guy studying for school in background much more important

[@genericname38]

Awwww you guys :)

[@genericname38]

I love doing this

[@addictedtopiano]

oh boy, I miss him

[@blkcatzette]

Imagine all of the people that live life in Peace. You might believe I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only One.

[@Jannacek]

hey, I recall watching an episode that jon covered when drumpf announced his candidacy.. anyone have a link? cant find it on youtube.

[@YeeSoest]

Ever since I first saw this bit, I have been vigilantly looking out for that "funnier sentence than that" that has more funny words per sentence than "deepthroating every iowa pig Farmer in yodeling distance" If you have a serious contender, please share

[@MrHornetSwarm]

Does this this mean Ted Cruz will have to stop being the drummer in Green Day?

[@rodrigoalgarte7872]

Oh shoot... I miss this show...

[@Observer29830]

You don't know the POWAH... of the IRS >.>

[@averyclement9212]

As a Slytherin, I'm insulted. No house at Hogwarts wants Ted Cruz.

[@anonymousanonymous7250]

2:19 That is not somewhat awesome. That is fucking awesome!

[@alexandergilana6018]

Go ahead and make fun, but in the end, you will lose.

[@tinydancer8536]

I know, my idea is that both people dial there phones at the same time. Would either one ring? Maybe in the forest?

[@hellaeric10]

I went to Liberty University. Unless it changed, it was actually a tri-weekly convocation. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, IIRC.

[@CAndrewK]

Cruz is definitely a hufflepuff

[@jacksondune327]

God damnit even after 5 years this shit is still funny. Today's daily show is just a joke that isn't funny on repeat.

[@numaiomul13]

so what was up with the texts? still curious

[@ericsbuds]

cruz would have been in hufflepuff for sure

[@9000yugioh]

I miss you jon

[@JohnTLyon]

The Liberty U. weekly convocation and undergrad car wash / bake sale...