The Day Today: Collaterlie Sisters - BUSINEWS

A montage of The Day Today's finance correspondent, Collaterlie Sisters.

[@3chords490]

This actually makes more sense to me than the actual finance news. I’ve been basing my entire investment portfolio on her advice and made 2 million kidneys so far.

[@espertron]

hahaha brilliant

[@BossySwan]

United Haha

[@DANTHETUBEMAN]

Finance ars

[@muk8804]

Securivage

[@seang3019]

Up slightly?

[@christaylor7411]

Her acting is so intense it’s unsettling. So underrated

[@espertron]

Chris.

[@christaylor7411]

@@espertron 😂😂

[@Hinch2011]

I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER. TAKE HER OFF MY SCREEN.

[@Vojife]

She's such an excellent actress! That little unnatural proud, amused flash of a laugh at arbitrary times is brilliant.

[@madmurdock100]

"Take her off the monitor, I don't want to see her face." 😂😂😂

[@deltaMurdoch]

Collaterlie's sudden deactivation at 1:27 will never cease to kill me

[@GrahamMilkdrop]

I remember not being able to watch the news in the same way I had become accustomed to after watching this show. The delivery is so spot on that it was indistinguishable from the real thing and for the first time in my life I understood that the news was a tool constructed for the purpose of creating a state of mind in the viewer and not for informing them. Bravo to the team for doing such a great job! Thank god for people like them!

[@marcraygun6290]

My mum thought the pound being stolen was real.....

[@realSethMeyers]

🤣 Now this is some "I'm 14 and this is deep" content right here ^

[@GrahamMilkdrop]

@T P I wasn't aware I was being graded!

[@GrahamMilkdrop]

@@realSethMeyers 1994 was so long ago that they hadn't come up with the 'I'm 14 and this is deep' meme. I was actually 19 and yes... for me, it was deep.

[@robair67]

This comment becomes increasingly true for an ever greater number of people, as the fake news media get their international finance arse handed to them, on a daily basis, due to their woeful inability to make fact into doubt "go".

[@steveforest8385]

I knew long before it's collapse that the writing was on the wall for Watney Heckbulb. That's why I sold up and invested in Spackhandy Choptubes.

[@Bhodisatvas]

+Steve Forest I tried to put all my holdings into Securivag but the market opening was too small and the currency susan was not in my favour at all.

[@kisbie]

I like how you can tell which of Morris, Iannucci and Dumpy Susan Baynham came up with which company name.

[@steveforest8385]

@@Bhodisatvas No insider trading going off there then?

[@olaf7441]

I was confused at first because you abbreviated their full name from Watney Heckbulb uhhhhhhhhh.

[@sarahdixon6011]

Me too.

[@spacechief2000]

Just to remind everyone that this is Doon Mackichan, who was also in Smack the Pony, well worth watching all of her other stuff.

[@espertron]

She was amazing in Green Wing. One of my fave comedians! I edited and uploaded this years ago because no one else had, and every now and then someone comments and I get notified, bringing me back here. I still piss myself watching it. Every time.

[@kaukaumooo]

+espertron Doon Mackichan wasn't in Green Wing, unless you're referring to the unaired pilot

[@espertron]

+Kau カウ イリアム holy shit you're right, I totally had her mixed up with Michelle Gomez who has a really similar comedic style. Soon was awesome in Smack the Pony though!

[@abbaszaidi8371]

I still picture Doon undressing in front of Alan Partridge after dressage. A real lady

[@espertron]

@@matthewlamont4111 Really? Huh. Oh well. I borrowed the complete DVD box set from a friend and digitised it onto my MacBookPro back when they used to have DVD drives built into them, and I thought I had captured all the clips. But I posted this over 9 years ago, and I have neither the hardware, software, time, or will to put this right. Please accept my apologies!

[@garrick3727]

This never gets old. They show these clips in Finance Correspondent Training School.

[@wohltemper]

We covered these topics when I did my finance MBA, but to be honest I never really got a firm grasp of the International Finance Arse.

[@JustinBenn]

Sounds succulent. Chris.

[@wohltemper]

ettlz yes you don’t want to rub them up the wrong way...

[@BossySwan]

Spackhandy Chop Tubes

[@seang3019]

Perfectly simple: 4

[@llary]

@@JustinBenn Chris.

[@Jim17735]

When you are watching this and really wish you hadn't got rid of your Day Today DVDs about 6years ago

[@espertron]

When you borrowed your friend's dvd, ripped and uploaded this 11 years ago and wish you'd just uploaded the whole thing :(

[@lozinja]

The whole series is still available on dvd for a few quid

[@vdd]

"A rather cowy night for the pound, it's 0.79 down against the German Bordello and 100 down against The Bitch" Classic!

[@thomascassidy2724]

The Currency Susan broke me

[@garethhughes6739]

You spotted that the plain, dumpy Susan with bad ears is Peter Bayham in drag, right?!

[@thomascassidy2724]

@@garethhughes6739 good god, I didn't. wow!

[@deanandthebeans857]

Brilliant! What anyone who doesn't understand economics actually hears from the financial news

[@espertron]

Let's take a quick look at the International Finance Arse

[@mfeltes]

To be fair, it's also what you hear once you understand economics very well.

[@TJDious]

She deserves to be ennobled for being able to deliver this with a straight face.

[@ShmaerkWards]

Watching this again after Blade Runner 2049, Luv suddenly reminded of Collaterlie Sisters.

[@Lytton333]

Hey, Collaterlie.. More news.. The Bildungsroman vacuumed six notches against the Croatian Gnocci, whilst trading murmurs brought a swift bileback on the backwards futuring markets on the Yangtse index finger charts...

[@maxallen3438]

I’d love to hear Collaterlie doing the Shipping Forecast.

[@ewen4544]

Liz Truss saw this back in the day, absolutely.

[@cmciaranmasterson]

Doon Mackichan, in her role as "Collaterlie Sisters", is the spitting image of former ITN newscaster Sue Carpenter.

[@CharlieFlemingOriginal]

Absolutely is 😂 brilliant.

[@AsinineComment]

Never seen this character before.... This is / was *genius level* acting (and writing)!

[@Desmaad]

She's creepy in her sheer blandness. Her blatantly artificial and inappropriate smirking once every episode and increasingly odd behaviour make it worse!

[@billgreen576]

Perfect. Sounds like every finance report ever. In the same category of giving national traffic reports on the radio.

[@mrengulfeddirector]

am i having a stroke or is this genius

[@espertron]

mrengulfeddirector absolute genius

[@sillygoose635]

both

[@keyboarddancers7751]

Unbelievable and yet somehow believable!

[@michaeljames8531]

If it weren’t for Edgeledge Wedgebarge’s strong IPO on the NASDAQ the collapse of Lehman’s would’ve wiped me out. Made a killing.

[@cheeseontoast9418]

1:53 whatney heckbulb uwwwwwh

[@ph1980]

I want to invest in them!!!

[@CharlieFlemingOriginal]

​@@ph1980DON'T all the burping dragged the company down. 😮

[@rumourhats]

It was Britain that started trading with itself.

[@bruceleeharveyoswald5104]

Crap! I put all my money into Collected Breath Dumps. What a fool I've been.

[@TomboBrewster]

I've always wanted to do "In summary then oh no" in my monthly finance reports 😆

[@JuliusCaribou]

The pound flubbed today by 4 Pascals and caused my shares in Chubley Gaslimbs to vibrate down to 3.4.

[@andyroocraig]

Just unfeasibly brilliant...

[@jd00313]

Just found this because you recommended it in your book :)

[@andrewcraig2183]

@@jd00313 Haha. Glad to hear. Did you find it funny?

[@explained3275]

Yes, the brilliance just cannot be feased. 😆

[@aodhablackheart]

She's so chaotic, like a malfunctioning robot :)

[@nelsonr32]

"Only because you landed in somebody's stomach..."

[@firedragonosis]

YOU DO IT! GET IT NOW! NO, YOU GET IT, IT'S OVER THERE!

[@interstate366]

When you’re watching ASMR bloopers

[@phill80]

I lost it at ‘spak-handy chop tubs’. 😂

[@Dead-Ball-Situation]

I love her deliberately robotic caricature, which malfunctions now and again. Chris.

[@keelerrobinson5772]

Watney, Heckbulb, Uhhhhhhhh I lost it

[@EyeofAffinado]

I have a Lucinda Childs deadpan deliverance that makes my eyes smile. Chris. CHRIS

[@austinwoods466]

Doon Mackichan would make a great 14th Doctor.

[@castironpenguin]

Sure, if by "great" you mean "terrifying".

[@bertrandbunatz1765]

Chris, Chris. On now to the money markets and a quick look at the international finance arse.

[@paulwarren6105]

Collaterlie Sisters 💖💖💖💖

[@rp6398]

I desperately want an Iggy Pop £5 note 😂

[@tcraigh1]

They need to release one even if it’s a limited edition

[@morningstar9233]

Might've happened if Bowie Bank (remember that?) hadn't died in the arse.

[@set1237]

That smirk.

[@_Ben4810]

Collaterlie Sisters...She forever sits on the shoulder of the BBC's Tania Beckett & Mariko Oi.....Chris...

[@cogtroper]

When colaterlie sisters started yelling at 1:34 it did things to me and I am very confused

[@AmaPupiI]

Had to watch this immediately when someone mentioned the term "Core PCE Deflator" at a finance conference...

[@AmaPupiI]

"In the current market, I think that looks really, really good in costless collar format, where a bank buys a floor to sell a cap and sell for a cap strike that makes their dealer indifferent between selling the floor and buying the cap."... You really couldn't make this stuff up...

[@RatPfink66]

My god was this woman sexy. And not just because she spouted random inanities with the polish of a professional journalist. Chris.

[@BOABModels]

Doon Mackichan was in Good Omens as the Archangel Michael - another bizarre, cold, alienesque performance she nailed.

[@KokoBWary]

Lot of people commenting on the surrealness of the smirks, but oddly enough the delivery is a pretty much note perfect impression of the style all the market correspondents on the news used to adopt at that time, bizarre little half smirks included.

[@An_Arbitrary_Miscellany]

The "Chris... Chris... " at 1:58 is so good.

[@robair67]

"...with bad ears" kills me!

[@BarterTom]

Creates the perfect characterisation of someone who is intensely self conscious on camera.

[@RafaelLSmith]

Chris

[@Tobiemoss]

summary

[@ZuluRomeo]

Chris.

[@obsidiandeluxe4474]

There was large whoop of dismay, *Chris*

[@christaylor7411]

Business

[@BossySwan]

*THANKS CHRIS*

[@lesact]

I am in awe of their talent :-)

[@stephenmcconnell1000]

In summary then Oh no.

[@kisbie]

“Chris.”

[@MrEAus]

At least she was able to summarise it with words, unlike Spartacus Mills who struggled to summarise with a sound...

[@Teeb2023]

This is just so completely and utterly yes. It has all the yesses.

[@jeffjefferson7384]

I want her back to explain Bitcoin and NFTs :)

[@eldubya7972]

Tbh I’m in love with her

[@williem1710]

Doon Mackichan is as talented as her name suggests.

[@johnking5174]

Anyone who has ever seen CNBC channel knows this is what watching a business news channel is like.

[@lyxnick]

Ugh, can't believe I invested all my money when there was a unified arse. Lost loads of money.

[@claudiaxander]

Oh those were the good old days! Now economic news is riddled with irrational nonsense !!!

[@simonray4373]

I want an Iggy Pop fiver

[@kowskizury]

You will only be able to use it once unfortunately

[@applemask]

FOUR.

[@JappaKneads]

Forex trading favours the Sambla/Viochen pairs...market volatility catapults the entrenchment levels to the retraceable fibonaccis. A great day for trading...

[@mandafitzsimons]

"only because you landed in somebody's stomach"

[@krispy3790]

im dead

[@MrEAus]

@@krispy3790 ...as is the person once attached to said stomach...

[@kyleyuen245]

0:18 that near crack to recovery is insane

[@nottimhortons]

No, it’s on purpose.

[@TorilAzzalini-Machecler]

This wasn't live, so if she'd cracked they would have reshot. This was an acting decision

[@andymassingham]

The day today was the opposite of Improv. Impeccably rehearsed and performed.

[@Laundry_Hamper]

There's another after 1:04

[@micahnewman]

The smirks at random times (at random random things) are part of the act.

[@FallNorth]

I often look back with regret than I never bought into Securivag when they were cheap :(

[@TheBarnem13]

Damn Troublefinchdusky holdings I should have invested in spackhandychop tubes and I would now be a German Bordello millonare looks like I'll have to move everything into the Portugese starling and hope for the best in summary then OH NO......Chris

[@alexa1591]

Should have banked with the bitch

[@boozerverif]

@Desmaad The reason Chris Morris is a champ: I've seen many newsanchors who are exactly as awkwardly bland as Collaterlie. It's dead on.

[@GoodWoIf]

I think I finally understand the "landed in someone's stomach." I thought it was some kind of fat joke I wasn't getting understanding for the longest time.

[@jamie150741]

What is it?

[@estebanvasquez2307]

Yeah, you gotta tell us what is it. That she's a "heavy" person?

[@GoodWoIf]

@@estebanvasquez2307 ​ @jamie150741 Sorry guys I should've added that in. I think the joke is she "landed in someone's stomach" means he was saying if she would get into a car crash she'd "land in somebody's stomach" because she'd have her head down in someone's lap, in other words giving someone a blowie. He's saying she's loose or a whore.

[@estebanvasquez2307]

@@GoodWoIf Hahahahaha holy, I think you're right. Definitely makes sense.

[@mfeltes]

"It's not an experience which I can see catching on, but neither is it one I regret."

[@Dipuzon]

further bad news for Watney Heck Bulb owhwhwhwh

[@detectivejonesw]

Can you sum it in a word? No. A sound?

[@karmlol]

HuUoOaAh!

[@michaelsnow7252]

and now she voices the top 100 whatever on channel 5

[@wishingwell12345]

I wish I hadn't sunk all my savings into Watney-Heckbulb-urrrrrrrrrgh. Been living in a box ever since. I suppose I could go round someone's house and just clean up.

[@espertron]

😂 my sympathies… 11 years since I uploaded this and it’s the gift that keeps on giving. I love getting these sort of comments in my inbox every few weeks.

[@leeosborne3793]

The International Finance Arse needs to be a thing.

[@BossySwan]

Sevurivaj and United Haha. Great company names!

[@kellypaws]

Uncanny skill from Doon.

[@JustinBenn]

Edgeledge Wedgebudge.

[@oscartravis5740]

The Tories and DUP formed a unified arse only today

[@paulwarren9854]

I am still in Love.! 😉😍

[@MCBhangramuffin]

"only because you landed in somebody's stomach!"

[@godskitchen82]

Whatney heck bulb errrrrrrrrrrr

[@walterzamalis4846]

I haven’t heard someone talk like her since before I could understand English properly

[@changer_of_ways_999]

This is complete nonsense. I love it.

[@LouiseBrooksBob]

In summary then: "oh no!"

[@seang3019]

Watney Heck Bulb Errrrrrrr...

[@geeblanco]

Quote from the video

[@obsidiandeluxe4474]

In summary, then: *Oh no*

[@FallNorth]

Thinking about it, you don't get this sort of news, it used to be a thing, on the normal news anyway? (I'm sure satellite business channels still do). The financial news used to be a normal segment in the main news like the BBC and this is ripping at it. Now I suppose you have the internet so anyone intersted in live FTSE or currency movements has it on a screen in 30 seconds anyway, so the broadcasters feel less need to condense it into a summary like this. The last years the main BBC news generally will only cover things like movements in the pound or FTSE etc when they see they might be able to pin it on Brexit and say "Brexit bad" or something similar. I.e. When it's a lever the BBC can pull to nudge opinion in a BBC compliant direction. Also they can't afford to employ Currency Susan anymore as they needed all the German Bordello the can stuff into an envelope to fund Gary Linekers next sports car.

[@RealityCheck6T9]

The peseta burst open at four

[@spats67]

Has she ever looked sexier?

[@QuizWriterMark]

This is how all business news sounds to me

[@joeritchie7286]

Divine Doon

[@CornedBeefSurprise]

In summary then oh no.

[@5handshigh]

She's crazy

[@wolfensid5107]

Now i know where Priti Patel it from

[@korvinm100]

"chopped off an eighth"

[@hankhardigan1104]

Those scripted smirks are beautiful

[@thefenlanddefencesystem5080]

So precise and unnerving.