The Do's and Don't of Marriage Communication | 7 Senses of Marriage | Ed & Lisa Young

#effectivecommunication #marriage #communication #communicationskills
The Do's and Don't of Marriage Communication | 7 Senses of Marriage | Ed & Lisa Young
Communication is an integral part of everything we do. It can go from incredibly good to terribly wrong within a matter of seconds - especially in marriage, where it isn't as much the presence of conflict that's the problem as the how - the "Okay, what next?"
In this sermon on marriage, Ed and Lisa Young teach the do's and don’ts before saying, "I do." We'll learn that following biblical guidelines for conflict resolution will help us develop sound communication skills before it comes to saying: "We quit!"
The “Don’ts” of Sound Marriage Communication
1.DON’T IGNORE YOUR P.R.
Don’t ignore your pulse rate. When you’re angry, your breathing increases, and your pulse rate goes up. If your pulse is above 90, you are being influenced by your emotions. This isn’t the time to confront. Ephesians 4:29 says, “No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need so that it gives grace to those who hear.” (CSB) If you’re angry, you may say something that will tear down rather than build up.
2. DON’T USE ABSOLUTES.
Never say never and never say always. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to throw out these absolute phrases. Don’t.
3. DON’T GET HISTORICAL
It’s unfair to bring up something from the past. Stay in the moment and deal with the issue at hand. If you go historical, you will usually become hysterical.
4. DON’T NAME CALL
This goes back to the verse in Ephesians. It’s also damaging to compare your spouse to someone else. To say, “Why can’t you be more like . . .” or “You’re acting just like your mother (or father),” is not constructive. Get rid of these phrases.
5. DON’T THREATEN
In the heat of conflict, have you been tempted to say, “If you do this, I’m walking out.” When you’re always threatening to leave or give up, you’re decaffeinating the seriousness of the subject you’re trying to deal with. Translation: I don’t care anymore and I’m not going to work on this.
6. DON’T KEEP SCORE
If your record is 4,321 arguments won and your spouse has only won 3, it’s time to stop. It doesn’t matter who ‘won’ the last argument. Sound communication is not about winning and losing.
7. DON’T CORRECT
We love to correct our spouses when they’re telling a story or saying something. “No, it wasn’t 14, it was 15.” Or “It wasn’t Mexico, it was in Belize.” When your spouse is telling a story, it’s like they’re on a stage. You’re not supposed to correct them. It’s demeaning.
The “Do’s” of Sound Marriage Communication
1. DO GIVE RESPECT
Respect is the basis for good marital communication. The Book of Genesis says we become ‘one flesh.’ If you’re disrespectful to your spouse, you’re really disrespecting yourself. If you intend to hurt and harm your spouse with your words, you’re causing harm to yourself.
2. DO LET THEM TALK
This is very important. Listen to them, and learn what kind of communicator they are by their body language. This goes back to the previous tip: “Don’t correct.”
3. DO COMPLIMENT PUBLICLY AND PRIVATELY
No one can complement me more than my spouse and have it mean more. We build each other up. One of the love languages is words of affirmation. Even if it isn’t your love language, learn to speak it. Don’t contradict in public, do compliment in public.
4. DO UNDERSTAND YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE AND YOUR CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLE
Proverbs 15:1 (TLB) says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.” If you’ve come from a home where conflict wasn’t handled Biblically, you may be tempted to fall back on old habits derived from observing your family of origin. Habits like shutting down and refusing to talk, walking out, or becoming furious won’t resolve the conflict.
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Pastor Ed Young is the senior pastor of Fellowship Church based in the DFW Metroplex, he is also an, author, and conference speaker noted for his creative communication style.
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