The ENFJ Ultimatum | Our version of the INFJ Door Slam

DISCOVER THE UNIQUE MENTAL MATRIX OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
Hi, I'm Meghan LeVota - here to help you integrate your mind. I'm interested in cracking the code for how individuals can transform their relationships - with themselves and others - by integrating the psyche. This means illuminating the shadow, healing limiting beliefs, and navigating the collective unconscious.
This integration process becomes more manageable when one understands how their psyche functions. That’s where personality type comes in. By growing your conscious awareness of how your mind works, you gain conscious control over life. In other words, you’re getting your Ego on board with enlightenment, rather than forever feeling internal resistance.
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[@Sweetpea2977]

ENFJs close doors on people once it's confirmed that our peace is being disturbed by someone who just can't "get it". For me, I become exhausted by selfishness or profound stupidity. People who choose not to grow or do things differently. People who are stubborn as hell. People who want to dump on you but never give of themselves to you. At this very moment, I have about 8-10 people in my past who want me back in their life. It's never ever going to happen. I don't discriminate thus it's a mixture of family members, women and male friends too. IDC #thedoorisclosed Just ended a friendship with a man who has been warned about sexually objectifying me by bringing attention to my ass. I had to speak to him twice about this. Now, he's in the trash 🤷

[@centlandcreateur]

the profound stupidity part : i can relate sooooo much to that ! You re so right !

[@tommynobaka]

in the bin they go! have had to do the same. ENFJ's will tolerate much until people do something that we don't understand and aren't willing to hash out civily

[@MXRX]

I relate to this 1000%

[@anonymousnation5235]

This is the final solution we are left with.

[@efsovereign852]

I'm an INFJ. Partner is an ENFJ. He gave me an ultimatum. I told him, "Don't give me an ultimatum. Don't give me two choices, because I will choose the negative choice."

[@southernbelle223]

This totally resonates with me. I give people way too many chances but at some point I do the ultimatum. I have also been accused of using it as manipulation. I have to be pushed really far and be really hurt before I do it. It is very painful to give up on someone for me but at some point you have to respect yourself enough to walk away.

[@liljanam870]

southern belle this is so well put. I feel this same exact way ♡

[@yucheung5853]

it is manipulation tho. Why would you give them chances when you actually feel like you are done with them? I think one problem with enfjs is that they are sometimes giving the wrong signal to the other person.

[@mikifaxxx]

@@yucheung5853enfj male here - as people with high empathy (a trait that is very "rusty" for most people in 2023) we are hugely popular in social spaces. saying no for us, or hurting other people feels the same as hurting ourselves even when we objectively cannot help as many people as our idealist asses would like. at some point we become so exhausted we have to "purge" negative influences in our lives to protect our own wellbeing. especially this year there is a lot of suffering to go around and when we are the ones that need help often people repeatedly fail to show up for us the way we need. i sometimes wish i could be less of a sponge and struggle less with emotionally filtering out my environment but the more exhausted i am the less likely i am able to.

[@noakeeee]

She nailed the profile! Being a ENFJ, I get confused and angry when people say "I am not to blame for my behavior, I can't change my behavior this is who I am." It gets to a point where I can't be bothered by the ignorance and unwillingness to change for the good of the relationship, anymore.

[@truepeace3]

“They say” ENFJs don’t take criticism well. I totally disagree. We’re all about improving ourselves. If someone criticizes me, I evaluate their criticism and if it’s valid, I try to improve in that area. Plus...who actually LIKES to be criticized? Hands anyone? I have a couple of very close extended family members who, for most of my life, I’ve allowed to create anxiety and a sense of imbalance in me. Things came to a blow a couple of years ago and it finally helped me to put our relationship in focus. We reconciled rather quickly, and because we’re family, I still love them. But inwardly, I’ve come to accept the fact that I will never feel the same toward them. My emotional boundaries are laid now and if they weren’t family, I’d be done with our relationship. Both of them are manipulative. My biggest pet peeve in people. And they both have tons of “friends.” I’m much more selective about who I call a friend. I’ve NEVER had a falling out with anyone. They’ve had many falling outs with both family and friends. Enough said. When an ENFJ loses respect for somebody, it’s almost impossible for him/her to continue on in a meaningful relationship. Respect is everything to me. And trust.

[@CrimsonWing67]

Seems like you didn't handle the critisism from the video too well.

[@Uni864]

I totally agree on loving criticism. I would rather take in a constructive criticism than a shallow compliment

[@truepeace3]

Auni Kamilah Absolutely!

[@truepeace3]

RedRobin Good grief

[@nalynnsansaneeyawet3136]

As an ENFJ, I like receiving criticism. Although it can be hurtful, being told off by somebody else is the best way to get me to stop doing something.

[@Ned0007]

" I am bent and broken into a better shape I hope." Charles Dickens .When an ENFJ distances herself from me (Intp) because of my certain behaviour I am at first heartbroken, it is like the sun is gone, but then I change my behaviour and the sun shines again. If that's manipulating, then thanks for manipulating me ENFJs.

[@j.aolani]

♥️ this 😊

[@ronniesamaroo1775]

"I need to be listened to" I can relate.

[@boyo1947]

No, this is NOT manipulative! You know what you know!!! When you're done, you're done...especially having given your partner or friend multiple opportunities to change the negative counterproductive behavior that is undermining the relationship / friendship!!! Nice job on this video, BTW! Thanks!

[@maybug88]

The "you are dead to them" part is so true and so me. I always knew I don't expect people to change in order for us to get along. So I just detached physically and emotionally, no ultimatums.

[@suzannemacpherson]

Me too. I've never given an ultimatum. I think if I was a tad more assertive, I would.

[@andree-anneaubin4662]

My mother is an INFJ an her doorslam behavior is usually happening when she's feeling deeply hurt from the lack of loyalty of a loved one. It is expressed in a vicious poisonous intellectual way and it can be very hurtfull since she has a gigantic heart and she is usually so caring for the feelings of others. I am an ENFJ and the ultimatum concept is true for me. It is happening very rarely since I am a strongwill person and I will litterally make anything to help others and just forget the bad they did. I am designed to move mountains when I know it is bringing justice in the world! BUT... if I realise (or sense) I am being used or taking for granted, there is something literally braking inside of me and it is just impossible to repare. It is not manipulation (even if people may see it this way), it is pure defense mechanism and it as two modes: ON or OFF. If it is ON, I will cut you out of my life in the blink of an eye. I will keep only a good memory of our relation (there the reason why I make the same mistakes over and over), will just move on and never look back. "After all, the world needs benevolent people and I cannot waist my energy anymore if you don't get it. It will eat me inside and I need to get out of here by the first emergency exit before rotting from the inside by loosing complete faith in humanity. Because loosing faith in humanity means loosing my purpose in life" LOL A little peek inside my mind when I'm enraged... It is very scary for me because it is so strong and I know the damage it can cause since I am always in charge of multiple causes and/or people. I wish I learned to say no sometimes even if I know I can be of good use in the situation. It is my great quality in life as well as my biggest flaw. Thanks for sharing that video, I now know I am not alone in this situation...

[@dixielady]

For me as an ENFJ, my ultimatum is not given except as the last volley, the absolute very last attempt to make it work, to be 100% certain I can look back when the guilt comes and show myself that I tried everything I could think of to work things out, before I gave up and walked away from a friend or a relationship forever. And there. is. no. coming. back. from that. There will never be hard feelings on my side; there's just no difference between you and someone I never really clicked with in the first place.

[@michellewei9139]

I did this with my father and sister. It's increasingly difficult for the fact that I sometimes have to be around them and I have no choice. Then I get called "cold". It's the "you are dead to me" thing I guess. I moved 500 miles and a border away just so I could "breathe", have my emotions accepted, and LIVE!

[@looneyraccooney5831]

Personally, when I get to the ultimatum I've already been trying to communicate with the person that they're upsetting me, so no, I don't think its manipulative. I'm giving the person the choice and they dont have to take it.

[@Sweetpea2977]

This ♥️

[@glebolkhovsky2531]

This is not manipulative, Meghan. As an INFJ, I can relate to you a lot. INFJ I think tend to give less second chances. But the common ground is that both ENFJ and INFJ do what is best for their own well being at this point. It's the last resource for us if we have to use the ENFJ Ultimatum / INFJ Door Slam respectively. You do what is best for your own well being and that's okay. Also, another point that needs to be addressed on the subject, is that before we reach that point, we ask the person hurting us several times to stop doing whatever harms us or causes us discomfort. We don't jump to the Ultimatum / Doorslam right away.

[@azizayusupova3377]

Definitely, we warn them a lot Sincerely, ENFJ

[@tarledamanley2832]

I would say the ultimatums are a result of us ENFJs being really good at setting boundaries while other people try to manipulate situations we're really direct and that leads people to project THEIR intentions upon us and deem us the manipulative ones but really we meant exactly what we said with no underlying meaning where as other people give ultimatums with an intended outcome that they are trying to manipulate. When I say either this or that you can believe I'm fine with whichever you choose when someone else gives an ultimatum they mean pick the one I want or there will be consequences

[@greensacredfire]

As an ENFJ, I think you were dead on. I very much relate to what you said, and you explained the ultimatum (especially the sincerity and not-manipulative part) very well.

[@truepeace3]

Any ENFJs out there who clam up when you’re taken off guard by someone who goes off on you? Or if you are really angry, or hurt? Some call this the silent treatment, but I’m honestly not doing it to be manipulative. And it doesn’t go on for hours, or days. But sometimes I can just quickly clam up and not want to say a word. It’s like someone threw an emotional breaker off in me and I can’t switch it back on until I’ve thought it all through.

[@awesomeblossom949]

Yes! For me it feels like I'll break down if I start talking, I need time to process and think before I can talk about something that truly bothered me.

[@tarledamanley2832]

I think in general we're (ENFJs) not reckless with or words EVER so when emotions are running high were would rather be silent and regroup than weird vomit something that we wanna take back. At least that's why I do this

[@elliottcomer5352]

Almost without exception, people know better than to step to me with foolishness. Those who do risk unleashing a torrent of rage to get them back in line.

[@AAJ9313]

So spot on. I recently had to cut off an XNFP friends with benefits for behavior that was repeatedly hurting me. He accused me of trying to “change” him and that he would never change his actions for someone else. I said apologize for hurting me and avoid doing it again or were done. He refused and I left the frozen yogurt shop and have never seen him since.

[@indylindy]

I am an ENFJ myself and I'm currently dealing with an ENFP male who is just not getting it. I have given him so many chances and now I'm looking into the ultimatum option. In my case, I don't see it as me being manipulative rather than me just sticking up for myself. BTW, I really needed this video! Thank you (-:

[@davidkepke1435]

I agree!

[@MeghaMuse]

Definitely, stick up for yourself!! Whatever you do. I was in a relationship with an ENFP for a year that was extremely unhealthy. I will warn you though, with ENFPs if you give them this option they will almost always do whatever it takes to keep you around but then continue the behavior unless you have truly broken it down for them. Generally, they don't intend to hurt you, it is their carelessness and obliviousness that tends to hurt us ENFJs. They literally don't realize what they are doing wrong. If you give them an ultimatum out of fear they will probably just say they love you. I'd suggest addressing it when you're calm and they will probably listen better. :D

[@indylindy]

Meghan LeVota You've got it right down to a T. It's always when he feels like he's losing me that he pulls out the stops but never really changes. He tells me he loves me and talks about marriage and kids, and then it's like he almost does a complete 180 and can't commit to what he's said before. He's always the one to bring up those lovey dovey things, which I can never do myself because I'm afraid of rejection. If I bring up the things that he's said to me, it's almost as if I'm the one being over eager. All this, and we've never been official because he keeps me in Limbo. It's a long story lol. You're spot on!

[@zain4019]

Linda C I hope you’ve figured things out since then!

[@EnidFPatternson]

"The ENFJ ultimatum" being a 'thing,' and it being the quasi-equivalent of the "INFJ doorslam"

[@SonicDebate]

Agree. Good equivalence drawn in this video.

[@poetsarenotdead]

Binging your ENFJ videos again. ⚡️🤯 I completely agree with this and wanted to watch again. I think ENFJ is kind of “noble” and we like to be a good influence on people we care about. So when we care about someone and their behavior is negative to our moral system, it makes us feel shaky and unsure if they should be close to us. We don’t want to get hurt. And it hurts when people are doing something we know is probably bad not only for us but for themselves. We feel like maybe if we leave, they’ll see it for the big deal it feels like for us. But of course we just want people to be better. We believe in them. But we won’t stand around to watch them lose us. Maybe we’re a little too much but it’s not bad to know so strongly what you will and will not stand for. We teach people that whether we stay or go, and that’s the point. Love you Meg ⚡️✨✨✨✨

[@MeghaMuse]

yaaaasss!! also I want to interview you for my channel!!!

[@TruthSeeker.John8.32]

THIS IS 100% ACCURATE!

[@poppystils974]

Coming from an INFJ who has doorslammed many times even before I knew about INFJs, we do it because we've already given them 1000s of chances to change (or perhaps it's us who needs to change but can't which still makes the relationship toxic). And we get so emotionally invested that unless we doorslam, we cannot move on, because we have laser focus. I was very close to an ENFJ and she is how you describe, waay less emotionally invested in a single person, more in people in general, so losing one, having one, it's all the same to you guys. Your world is people, not a person. But we're obsessive when it comes to a person, we zone in, feel their very heartbeat and soul, therefore when things go bad, we have to get them out of our system in order to feel ourselves again.

[@SonicDebate]

I can see that from an INFJ perspective would be a lot of more focused, but believe me in terms of family/close relationships it is just as hard for ENFJ. ENFJ socialise with many but let only a select few truly close.

[@truepeace3]

Sonic Debate So true! I literally just posted that in a comment.

[@truepeace3]

Poppy Stils I know this is an old post, but as an ENFJ, I have to disagree in part with you. We do focus on people, as a group, that’s true. And how that group is communicating and working together. But I’m laser focused on people that I love. Maybe to a fault.

[@AntoinetteSarpong]

@@truepeace3 so true! We have wide circles but we go deep with a select few.

[@truepeace3]

@@AntoinetteSarpong Spot on!

[@patricianguyen7012]

I'm an INFJ, and I give both door slams and ultimatums after built-up/ignored hurt. The ultimatums are usually given electronically rather than in person though

[@nyyotam4057]

Actually, this is amazing: Done the personality test and came out ENFJ A/T. Indeed, whenever I come to the point I'm gonna slam someone away, because I've had enough sh*t from that specific person, I first let him have the freedom of choice and if he makes the wrong choice - well, you're on your own, buddy, let's see how it works out for you. Usually they do extreme things afterwards, take treatments or hurt someone, whatever - but I simply don't care about them anymore. At this stage, they are out of my life, as far as I care. Thought that this was just my own peculiarity. Turns out this is something straight from my personality type.. But I don't allow them back, even if they do mend their ways.

[@nishat47]

Absolutely! I have seen my ENFJ best friend giving ultimatum to others and then admitting that she doesn't even care. As an INFJ, I understand her completely. And she kinda looks like you by the way😀. Thank you very much for the video❤

[@faizahanif9515]

ENFJs don't leave people but when they do, they are really done.

[@nutmeg1130]

Yes so true! 100 percent. I'm an ENFJ too. We always give the benefit of the doubt until it makes us too sad or stressed too many times. We try to Express ourselves and see if the person we care so very much for will have the empathy or not to try and work things out. After too many attempts to communicate and "fix" things on our end we at some point give up trying since it seems like our efforts are going to waste. Also we love really hard so though we shut them out, we leave the door slightly cracked because we always hope for the best. And if said person does indeed work on themselves and corrects the behavior...we are willing to give them a chance. (Of course depending on the severity of the issue at hand) we by nature try to be more on the optimistic/ idealistic side and in the end just want to have a happy meaningful connection. At least that's kind of what I've noticed thus far.Idk...😒

[@4theloveofAJ2023]

My sister and I had this discussion. I said "That's a hard pass!" when she was talking about a guy she was interested in who was doing shady stuff. She accused me of not being fair and how was I going to meet anyone if I judged them based on a few "bad traits." It was a fun conversation. If you ghost me, you are dead. If you disrespect me, you are dead. If I see you talking to other people online when you said you were interested in me... I stop trying to get your attention and see if you pick the conversation back up... otherwise... you are dead. I've literally had more than 100,000 people in my life (my job moves me around a lot) and it all boils down to... no matter how miserable I am being alone... it's better than being with someone who doesn't see the vastness of my Universe and want to explore it with me.

[@SonicDebate]

Spot on. I'm ENFJ-A and you explain my process, feelings & thinking on this exactly.

[@sasha1148able]

Wow that's so bang on.. takes a lot for me to given an ultimatum. Reached the highest pain level. Still hurts like hell to say goodbye to ur loved one 😓. Sincereity and visible change in behaviour would make me reconsider.

[@katherinelydon7306]

Anybody who says that you’re being manipulative? Simply doesn’t like the fact that you were standing up for yourself and ENFJs have a hard time standing up for themselves, but eventually they do so rock on Enfj

[@maiki5962]

I'm an ENFJ, and I've done the Ultimatum and Doorslam quite a few times. Even to those of my household.

[@savvageorge]

Interesting how you mentioned that NPs are often the people getting door slammed. As an INTP I find it very difficult to change my thoughts and opinions based purely on feelings.

[@UkuleleProductions]

This sounds very wired for my INFP ears. I can't just stop beeing friends with someone. Even if they hurt me, I will try to find any way to see something good in them. To end a friendship - that just doesn't sound right to me. I've never done it. Sometimes you lose sight of each other. But I would consider all my (real) friends I ever had to still be my friends. Even if they did stuff that hurt me... Maybe I just never had that big problems with my friends... Idk - can you have such big problems with a friend, that you don't want them in your life anymore? Thats a concept I don't understand...

[@anonymousnation5235]

People should realize that after shutting someone out of our lives, we also have to go through the guilt of letting ourselves be treated this way which is also a lot of work we must do to heal. So please be considerate

[@lambertcaron1711]

Hey Meghan. Just want to start by saying thanks for the videos in general, I've been watching the channel and it's really helping me to improve my intuition and understanding of how other types see the world, and how I can try to sort of shift paradigms to see the world from their eyes and respect their values better. I have mainly one comment from 9:02 and onwards: it really feels like this is the Ti drive kicking in when everything else seems to have failed. From what you say: -It didn't really manifest itself when you were less mature -It's not personal. It's about principles. There is a fair choice being given which looks like "if A, then do option (1), else if B do option (2)". And you're sticking to that principle even if years go by. It's a core thing that stays true. Even though it all happens in an emotional context, and it's basically coming out to help restore the state of healthy Fe (which deals with topics you'd think Ti don't care about), if you scrap all the details, it really looks like the way of Ti to deal with problems in general. I think that you can get a lot of respect from TPs (especially ITPs) if communication between you and them makes that apparent, because fairness and consistency are important to them. For me it makes sense, the inferior function may seem elusive, but I have the impression that it's actually what a person uses to drive their life on the long term scale. It may be incapable of taking care of day-to-day decisions but it has a definitely has a driving power to it that in the end is very strong, maybe even stronger than the main function. It lacks the reactivity of the main function for sure, but maybe that's the whole reason why it becomes such a pillar in your life? And I think that might be one thing that differentiates you from INFJs, who might use Ti more like a defense that a driving function. Because that's not what they ultimately care about nor desperately need.

[@MeghaMuse]

Really really smart comment !!! wowwww thank you so much, makes a lot of sense :D

[@moonsharn]

At the end of every relationship I’ve given the ultimatum. That’s the last straw attempt at resolution. It’s the fair thing to do. Not to simply give up on someone but to give them one last chance. I had an extraordinarily controlling and narcissistic husband. I tried and tried and tried to change myself to fit his needs and had no life, no friends, no job… was dressed in rags and a shell of a person at the end. Had lost Everything I am just trying to please an unpleasable abusive person. I ended up giving him the ultimatum. I wrote a list of things that had to change. 1) no more drinking 2) no more cheating. 3) no more going out every night. 4) no more putting me down or losing his temper at me over nothing. And 5) no more compulsive lying. He responded with a massive long list of things he wanted me to change. I quickly set to work changing all of those things about myself. He did none of my list to him. When I questioned him about why he was making no progress, he told me “because you’re just being a controlling b####, and I don’t have to do what you say.” That’s when I slammed the door completely. He has abused me continually since, but he’s just dead to me. I don’t care about him whatsoever. We do the very best we can for others and put in more effort than any other personality type. So if they won’t ever change their toxic behaviours, they just don’t deserve us.

[@aninfphilosophy]

Wow, my ENFJ also gave me an ultimatum. I'm an INFP. I initially found it manipulative but he doesn't have the character to be a "manipulative person" so it didn't add up to me! However, this video makes SO much sense!!

[@suneelrana8331]

Yep, this is spot on. I found myself doing this (after years of agony) to the mother of my child after she constantly got in way of our relationship. Sent a video saying “Either you stop this or we’re all going to suffer alot.” Frigging Sad when it comes down to somebody having to come to that! 🌹🔥🙁💛

[@lucy__v]

This resonated so much! I had a best friend really disappoint me once when my other best friend (INFP) cut me out of his life out of nowhere and in a victimising way, and she wasn’t supportive enough of me as she claimed to “not be taking sides” and hung out suddenly much more with the INFP. It was only after multiple people (Te Inferior - she was an ISFP) actually made her realise why I was being distant from her that she came to try and apologise and make up, but by that point I was already considering door-slamming her from how much she’d hurt me and been immature when I was already suffering a lot at the hands of my former INFP best friend. I was glad that, unlike with him, we could have healthy communication and a talk about how she’d hurt me/what she’d done wrong that I gave her an ultimatum. I still cared deeply for her but ultimately didn’t care either way if she chose to be a better friend or continue how she’d been for me to door slam her, but I felt it was the morally right thing to do to at least give her a chance or “right of remedy” so to speak. Since even though she chose to be a better friend our friendship has still never been the same and grown more and more distant since.

[@mattdoa2]

Communicating your needs isn't manipulative in any way. Your mental health is just as important as the other person. Everyone deserves to be safe and if behaviours harm you, then having a chat about stopping them is emotionally productive for both parties. Manipulation in the negative deceiptful sense typically makes an ENFJ wanna vommit 😆 Having influence over your situation (for both people) is what the ultimatum is about. And YES I've used it as a last resort after having many convos about my needs and pain.

[@lucca.c1788]

There is nothing wrong with cutting out toxicity.

[@SebiScoot]

a good fix to this is to communicate this early on what exactly bothers us, then we give the other person more of a chance to change and it seems less manipulative. If we don't communicate it early on it seems as if we were ok with the behaviour earlier but then had some kind of mood switch wanting the other person the change. Therefore others might also resist and thinking it is ingenuine.

[@4thNebula]

Watched this after Omar's video this week on this subject. As an Fi dom I can say for the people I care about they really know in a very intense and deep way. Similar for my friendships. I also go a long way in forgiving and often feel I go too far in forgiving which seems to be what you are saying for yourself and an ENFJ. However, when I decide it is over I don't overtly tell the other person but it is very clear to them since that deep feeling is gone for them to realize. They know. I then may be courteous but I keep a psychological and physical distance. Sometimes the physical distance is complete. Fortunately or unfortunately for me as Fi the Fi is always there for us.

[@PClunatiX1986]

INFJ here - ENFJ's telling or giving an ultimatum to the other person to address the issue is in a way a step up from what I would do but only in the right situation. Some people in my life would deserve that (I hope I do that for them) and on the other hand, some people like you said we just can't change and if that's the case I can only hope they can figure something out of the whole thing (why I shut them out). But the key aspect is that my feelings are important to me and there is no way I'm going to let you walk all over them as they have before. What they think why I did what I did is less important.

[@davidkepke1435]

+Meghan Levota : Great job. You made an excellent video with great examples, comparisons/contrasts of INFJ-ENFJ, and I concur with your descriptions of typical behavior of these types in these situations.

[@kenseisato1989]

It ultimatly depends how you go about what you're wanting and demanding in a relationship. You go at it as as two adults negotiating to find resolve in a transparent manner then its absolutely healthy. Negotiate like teenagers playing power games then its absolutely manipulative.

[@joshuajones8505]

You're awesome Meg. I love your insight.

[@dancersmind]

so funny a few days ago I was looking up if ultimatums were a thing an enfj did and the miracle of KZbin your video popped up. I am an enfj and all my life I have given ppl ultimatums In my mind all the time... I always felt weird saying them out loud because it can be percieved as manipulative and also hurtful. I was in a long term relationship,8.5 yrs. and eventually I couldn't deal with our problems anymore. I knew we needed to live together, progress our lives, make plans beyond a month at a time. and I gave an ultimatum. (my 1 and only verbal) to my infp boyfriend at the time. it crashed and burned. we stayed together another yr and a half. me miserable because I wanted to be with him and he even more distant.

[@TheCman212]

Straight up the most well way to put an ENFJ ultimatum. This hits with me so hard as an ENFJ Love your videos !!!

[@kharla.mendez]

Hahahaha!!! That’s so true. When I’m done with people, they’re almost dead to me. Yes, I’m an ENFJ.

[@stephengoodson9619]

As an enfj you have given a person time after time chance after chance. Eventually you have to give the person an ultimatum. You may not tell the other person. It is true if a person changes you are willing to accept the person back. There might be conditions that need to be checked for trust they have changed. Eventually the problem is the other person is draining you to a great extent, and you need to gain back your life. I think it can be manipulative, but to an extant there is no manipulation because of how far you go before creating an ultimatum.

[@HD-Australia]

Me ENFJ. After being engaged for 3 years, I told my fiance in January of that year "X, I love you. If we are not married by the end of the year, I will dump you." Our wedding was December 19, he scraped in. You see, he asked me to marry him, but didn't follow through. He was perfectly happy to just live together indefinitely unmarried, as he was enjoying it. I was not willing to be dragged along. I would DEFINITELY have dumped his arse

[@HD-Australia]

Since then, I have given him ultimatums that I never honored myself. After threatening me with divorce 7 or 8 times, I said to X "don't you DARE say divorce to me again! The next time you say it, be prepared to walk it through!" Well, now he has threatened me 11 times with divorce, and I am still being strung like a marionette. You see, me ENFJ is a massive empath, him ISTJ is a narcissist. I didn't know what I didn't know. If I honoured that ultimatum about the divorce, I would be in a different head space now, but for the sake of my children, I have submitted to the abuse

[@awesomeblossom949]

@@HD-Australia Honey, no! Your happiness is important, hope you're doing better, dont forget that you have to put your needs first too. Best of wishes from a fellow ENFJ

[@sarahm5936]

@@HD-Australia Please don't use the kids as an excuse for staying in an unhealthy relationship. It's not showing them a good role model - it's teaching them to be abused.

[@HD-Australia]

@@sarahm5936 thanks Sarah, I have since moved out. Somehow scraping by but I have my sanity. Thank you

[@OmarHawari]

I have an ENFJ friend who did exactly this with me. (I'm an ENFP) It felt nice because this friend never truly express their feelings and sometimes can be passive aggressive without meaning to. Although it felt nice and it cleared the problem we were having, I would actually have preferred them to say something earlier instead of bottling stuff up. But honestly, an ultimatum is MUCH better than a door slam in my eyes.

[@MeghaMuse]

Interesting! My ENFp friend is always telling me as well to bring things up earlier. But a lot of times, when we are dealing with deep, Fi emotion, we literally don't know if it is going to be a problem until it blows up sometimes, unfortunately. As an Fe-dom, we are used to feeling intense emotions 24/7 all day, most of which are fleeting. It's hard for us to tell which emotion is fleeting and which one is due to an underlying problem (fi). It is the ENFP who is amazing at linking via Fi-Si when an emotion is associated with a deep-rooted problem that has been around such childhood, or when an event is triggering due to a past experience. I am trying to get better at recognizing this. I can't speak for all ENFJs, but I always make sure I bring something up as long as I recognize it is an issue. I don't bring things up that I find to be meaningless or passing by feelings because a lot of times that's for the best, not EVERYTHING needs to be expressed and sometimes bringing up a nonissue does more harm than good.

[@OmarHawari]

Meghan LeVota Your comment actually cleared up a lot of stuff about you guys. Sometimes I truly just want to hug this friend of mine and have them cry some of their emotions out, cause I almost always know when something is up due to my Ne-Fi and it's kind of frustrating and sad to me when my friend keeps telling me everything's okay. You guys deserve as much hugs as you give people, truly my favorite extroverts ❤ (Love your channel BTW)

[@Hujiox]

I am an INFJ with a ENFJ sibling, we grew up over ultimatums and doorslams haha. But seriously ENFJ’s ultimatums to a INFJ come to a point of heartlessness sometimes. I love hearing your perspective of why and how it is without intention, manipulative to use an ultimatum. I agree that your doing it because you have had enough. However where i do see the INFJ doorslam and ENFJ doorslam is different is that INFJ’s (or i atleast feel), that doorslamming someone is usually because they have constantly no matter how we approach or deal with the issue at hand, we are suffocated by the persons toxicity and negativity about not being able to reach a middle ground or “harmonize” at all. INFJ’s doorslam is about empathy and needing to see both our and your own point of view to move forward. Where as and ENFJ’s (from my perspective) is mainly about black and white and the issue at hand bar the other persons emotions. (Mabye my sibling is less of an empathetic ENFJ to me ), but thats how i feel the INFJ and ENFJ differ in that regard. Feel free to give me feedback ^_^ (your videos always help me look for the harmony with my sibling when i feel there isn’t any so thankyou).

[@truepeace3]

Omar Hawari Wow! What you said resonates so much with me. We ENFJs can be passive aggressive. Not because we want to be. There’s nothing we want more, than to be real and honest with people. We truly despise artificiality and superficiality. I find that the people I’m most passive aggressive with are those who are hot headed, confrontational and argumentative. Or people who we know are unstable and unpredictable. It really throws us off balance, overwhelms our emotions and affects our ability to think quickly. We may also hold back, because we know that if we respond to people in that kind of confrontation, we might actually speak the truth and just aren’t ready, or willing to do that right then. But if WE are the ones to confront a problem, we’ll hold our own because we’ve thought through every angle of the situation and are ready to go to battle. And quite honestly, it will be hard to fight our logic and insight.

[@sallywhatever2332]

As an ENFJ I did this a couple times. Even though I know what others are feeling or going through most of the time I didn't realize that some people could think this is manipulative or that I am trying to change them. In my opinion I made things clear and didn't mean it in any other way than I said. So thank you for telling me how this truly affects others.

[@lolo-t4n1f]

I would not even call it ultimatum - I call it a choice.

[@poetsarenotdead]

Ugh this. Yesss! ❤️ I am VERY like this. It becomes life and death matter. I can’t have it in my space so it needs to go. and I just saw you wrote your sun moon and rising. Ah, Aries moon 😍 love your channel.

[@MeghaMuse]

Thank you!! :D

[@azimuth9751]

I'm about 60% ENFJ and I totally agree with what you said about how we slam the door. I never lock the door on anyone but they've gotta show that they have changed before I let them back in. I had to do this not too long ago as a way to preserve my sanity (exaggeration but you get the point). In spite of that, I find myself STILL caring about and helping that person in the limited way that I can. I don't see it as manipulation at all. I think it's just your ENFJ-ness that is making you feel guilty for putting yourself first for once.

[@cestness]

So insightful, thank you. And love the sun tattoo on your shoulder!

[@vanessagirvan1284]

So strange... I did this about 1 year ago with a couple of friends... it felt like an experiment... I just shut down on all of them from one day to another because I wanted to check if they would look behind and ask me what was wrong... nobody asked me this question... it was a real eye opener for me... it felt like nobody cared enough about me...

[@sunsetstormx]

I feel so frustrated. First off I am much more an INFJ than a ENFJ. Ok. SO I work with a lot of great people. Yet there is one difficult thorny girl. We are in the same area. Day in and day out it is wearing me thin to be in her presence. She's cold, rude, dark, and nasty to me. In the beginning she was cold then super nice. After she got established in her position she was so nice to chat with. Then there was this dramatic change. As a INFJ it is exhausting to be around someone like this. I have already tried to talk with her, she shut me down. I have talked with my supervisor several times. I feel I get no where. It's such a sad thing because it takes a lot of energy to be mean and nasty.

[@javinx21]

There was a girl i knew for a year, she was lying to me for a plenty of things, it was a friendship platonic from me, i told her to stop lying cause i hate that, she denied everything and i stop talking with her lol, she is no more in my life and i’m so happy and relief. The best part, she lives in the same building as me, and when i see her i feel nothing lol, like you said, the door closed.

[@Jorigin]

Holy moly this is 100% accurate

[@WinryRockbellElric]

Have you ever had an ENFP get so obsessed with you and act like you’re their shiny new trophy, until one day, you say something seemingly harmless, and it hurts their feelings and then they act like they never knew you? They just..drop you? After all the love we gave to them? It feels like a lie. Like we try to help them ONE TIME. And they get upset. I’ve had ultimatums on them for a year now, and 4 ENFPs have broken up with me over something completely tiny that I would immediately have changed if I saw that it was indeed something I needed to change. It’s upsetting because I absolutely adore ENFP. But they seem to love me for a while and then drop me. They move on to something they think is better, but I was willing to never leave... like I will support them til we die

[@MeghaMuse]

Yupppppp Lmao

[@StephanieTips]

I am totally an ultimatum-like ENFJ

[@jayedavidson8414]

Thank you for this insight. Having been on the other side of it, it makes sense. I do think there are reasons why others do find it super controlling. XNFJ's can door slam on people who simply do not share their values. It is totally okay to not want to draw close to people who are not like minded. But an unhealthy XNFJ doesn't understand that not wanting to be close to someone doesn't mean they are terrible person. Also, XNFJS's can frankly be super oblivious to their own behavior. They always imagine themselves to be super kind people, but on the outside they aren't necessarily super kind people. Basically, they have problem think they are right. It always tricky for xntj's to call out the xnfj because the Xnfj is far more sensitive to criticism but also far more self righteous. Thus the dilemma is, do I tell them what they are doing is destructive or will they door slam me? Even if how I tell them is kind? So yes the behavior is super manipulative when the Xnfj is actually in the wrong.

[@sarahm5936]

I've spent a lot of time learning what you mean, and you're right. It's hard for me to think about everything when I'm such a strong feeler, so it takes a lot of discipline and effort to stop in my tracks and think out a different scenario - take criticism for my approach. The main reason for this is that ENFJs feel everything out in relationships - it's not theoretical, which means, while we have not put tons of thought into the why, we have put energy into testing how based on experiencing every avenue that could keep our relationship viable - what we can stand. We can stand a lot for the people we care about, but if we've determined them all hazardous / impossible routes because they just break our hearts or spirits - and remember even if it seems wrong to you, we are feelings driven, we can't be rewired - then by the time we have had it and are giving an ultimatum it's because we have seen the end of every road and it's up to you to make a viable course by being willing to change some behavior that makes our relationship possible.

[@truepeace3]

Sarah M Well said. Being feeling driven doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t think things through. Most of the time, our feelings are actually well founded and allow us to use our instincts about people pretty well. I often consider myself a dot connector. I instinctively connect dots to analyze situations. Maybe that’s why I also used to love puzzles (just an aside 😁). My brain is just always looking at the big picture, by piecing together all the small pieces. But that’s not to say that I always get it right, because when I let my feelings take over too much, I’m a blithering mess. And that can definitely create problems. I used to think that I was good at examining and understanding myself, but I realize now that that’s not so true. I’m better, now that I’m older and have become a Christian. But I see now how my people perspective is so outwardly focused, that I have allowed others to give me my identity and self worth. That’s been a big problem in my life and has caused me to hold things in and become chameleon-like to keep the peace. It can also take me to a dark place in my mind where I can get very negative about myself and others. It’s like the whole world collapses into a dark void for a short while. Now that I’m a much more healthy ENFJ, I can appreciate my temperament more and use my God given “powers” for good. Just kidding. We ENFJs are complicated creatures. I’ll admit to that.

[@truepeace3]

Jaye Davidson You’re somewhat right about XNFJs. I’ll admit that I couldn’t be close friends with someone whose values I don’t share. But, depending on what those values are, doesn’t necessarily mean that I think they’re a terrible person. My father is an ENTJ. As a child, he seriously intimidated me. He was very harsh and demanding of me to be nearly perfect. We now have a very good relationship and respect one another. I’ve learned how to communicate with him, using facts and not backing down. He’s learned how to respect my thoughts and appreciate my passion about things that I feel strongly about. The way you described XNFJs sounds more to me like the XSFJs. I find ESFJs the most difficult people to have meaningful relationships with. I actually prefer the Thinking types over the Sensing types.

[@MeandtheDarkCthulhu]

Totally do this! Had a roommate for 2 years and found them to be inconsiderate and self centered. I felt as though i gave them many chances and told them a few times that I didn't appreciate that characteristic, it didn't feel balanced. One day flat out, i had to tell myself "I can't keep giving so much of myself to this person, its got to change." Finally explained to them it reached this breaking point. They did make effort to improve which i appreciated! Still live e3ith this person cos they keep putting in effort. I like to call it the "first I'll show you the door" then they either choose to change or they don't and unfortunately the door closes on them!

[@HoneyBlissClothing]

I'm and ENFJ and I do the same thing except I've never given an ultimatum. I just decide something in my head and gradually disappear. Giving an ultimatum is better though because at least the other person knows the reason why they're out of your life and were given a choice. I think I'll try that.

[@rnbsteenstar]

I very seldom if ever do the "ultimatum," as it can be unhealthy and manipulative. I need to work on expressing feelings.

[@Beeso]

My mother is an ENFJ.

[@maryfrye4951]

I have done it before (also ENFJ). But I honestly don’t consider it manipulative but upfront and honest. You’re letting that person have an opportunity to address the situation and being entirely truthful about your own feelings and intentions. It’s not a ploy it’s your earnest intention. I already strongly suspect I know their answer I’m just giving them the opportunity to confirm or deny. It’s very matter of fact for me.

[@fluttershy2816]

Omg yes! And I've done this to an infp and she'd accused me of being manipulative

[@shubikl9826]

Being an INFJ who door slams and is curious about ENFJs, that was very informative! Thank you!

[@seerenita]

I totally resonate with this. It’s not something I’ve ever noticed I do, but I find myself giving people ultimatums when certain behaviors haven’t changed and I’m at my wits end. I’ve moved on from friends and boyfriends who have continued to exhibit behavior that hurts me and wouldn’t change.

[@tash4710]

Your perspective is interesting for me to think about. My natural response in such a situation is to give the ultimatum to myself and not even tell the other person that it's happening. I will either try to keep expressing myself - to see if they will listen, or I will stop talking an go away (either temporarily or even out of their life). I don't even bother articulating this other person, because I feel like I'm the one being hurt not them. I wonder if that makes sense to you as an ENFJ, I'm an INTJ.

[@lisarene3308]

Tash * or I don't think they really care enough to make it worth trying to articulate to them.

[@cestness]

As an Intj, I agree.

[@ade627]

Enfj here. If I shut that door, i see no possibilities for things to improve. But they may be there before, you just hope for improvement, even if you know this won't come. It is just you tose a bit to not have regrets. Yes, I won't come back. Or not so close. No grudge, resentments, but i'm far, far away.

[@truepeace3]

Tash * I’m an ENFJ and I can relate to what you are saying. I’ve had to do this with a couple of family members. Although they’ve had falling outs with many people, I haven’t. And because they’re family, I’ve kept my ultimatum to myself. For self-preservation and peace of mind. No way I could actually be honest with them. That would not go well. Ideally, I would much rather talk things out with them and have a relationship based on truth and trust. But realistically, I know that won’t happen. Because ENFJs know how to read people and foresee the results of potential conflicts. We can go from point A to point D with precision laser insight. So we choose our battles.

[@tomisakin]

Nope, when she tried to come back into my life I ignored her because I already took her back once lol, silly me. Then she didn’t change then it’s was done like she texted me twice one month in between ...ghosted.. I became a myth to her. Do not take ENfJs for simple, once the chord is cut. It’s cut. It’s not manipulative! You cannot be with someone who isn’t Giving you Your energy back!

[@magnoliaplumeria8208]

Yes yes yes! This is so me

[@tomisakin]

This is so true it’s loterally out of being exhausted from the behavior. Nope, the pain overuse the will keep trying.

[@mainagibsonke]

Wow! This is so accurate and timely for me to just come across this video. You speak exactly how I think and feel. In fact just last weekend I (think I) gave an ultimatum to my best friend. He's ISFP and communication is a challenge between us since we're on different extremes of expressiveness. I told hik straight on, it hurts me when you don't communicate, and if you're not willing to meet me halfway, then our friendship is on the table. And I don't think it's manipulative, it's just looking out for your own emotional needs. I feel you 100%. Thank you so much for this video

[@adelinas.7335]

I have done this so many times and it makes so much more sense.

[@AshleyChing-c3o]

Ultimatum when they don't care anymore.

[@ElizaFragmented]

Explained pretty well

[@AmeliaEverythingBabyNames]

This is so true!!!!!!!!!!

[@mandersonlarenda4172]

I totally do this.

[@kathleendodge3272]

An ENFJ tells you if they like you. An ENFJ tells you when they don’t. Either way, you deserve it.

[@moimoikhan5969]

Love the video but the cosmic music really spooks me.

[@JojolinnaChannel]

As an infj with an enfj mom, I totally remember times in which this was done, but to a less extreme extent. Glad she never threatened to disown me.

[@sarahm5936]

😂 I have a mom I want to disown - but there's a code (in me) that says parents and kids can't be disowned

[@Kiseochan]

My FJ friend always got on my to keep in touch with him better. It wasn't the fact that he wanted to change me that got to me, but the fact that I told him it's too hard to keep in touch that much. He gave me the ultimatim and I even accepted.. but failed. -INFP

[@hypershadw]

Whether or not it is manipulative is entirely dependent on the frequency it is used. If it is used on every other little thing then it will grow tiresome and the other person will shut down to any ultimatums and go "go ahead." If it is very very very rare though, it isn't seen as manipulative but a last ditch effort on the part of someone to keep a relationship alive which is good.

[@krisa8969]

As an INFJ, I can relate to both of these, and depending on the relationship and the situation, I may bring it up and tell them that if this doesnt change, I'm done.. and I'll generally give it a lot of time until eventually I can't do it anymore and I become emotionally detached and no longer care to have this person in my life. I'll still be polite, but I wont see the point of having anything to do with this person or waste any more of my time and energy on them. I'll become very cold and detached. But in general, I tend to observe more and pay attention to someone's behaviour and patterns and figure things out on my own. I may tell them that I dont like something, but I generally let their behaviour speak for itself. If they treat me poorly and I notice that I do more for them that they are willing to do for me, and I eventually feel like I am being taken advantage of, my guard will go up, I may express being upset, and if they continue with a similar behaviour, I will eventually stop caring about having them as a friend. At this point, there's nothing they can really do to change my state of mind because I will become completely detached. We may not tend to give ultimatums as much because it feels like there's no point. If we have deducted that this is the type of person someone is, giving them an ultimatum won't change who they are, so it makes more sense to cut ties and move on. Especially since we would normally voice that we do not like their behaviour multiple times before we shut them out, but it wont always come out as an ultimatum. Hope this makes sense! :)

[@Enlightenation]

INTP here. I love your videos, and I think your analyses are spot on. I think the "Ultimatum" discussed in this video is completely justified. I think ENFJs can veer off course when they confuse a person's behavior - which to the ENFJ is infinity mutable - with core dysfunction. To use an example from my own social circle, let's say an ENFJ is dating an alcoholic ISTP. They break up, but he changes his behavior (is "reformed"), and they later get back together (the ENFJ "second chance"). However, their relationship suffers for various other reasons, and the ENFJ can't patternize why this would be happening (Se-Ti). Perhaps this is because their is a deeper trauma at which all these behaviors converge, but the ENFJ may or may not synthesize this hypothesis (Ti), so they probe the person even deeper (Fe). Feeling unjustly scrutinized, the ISTP partner then leaves (either literally or he emotionally checks out). Fe-Ni was not the right tool to crack his cookie, and this "tunnel vision" disallowed her from uncovering the deeper psychological models that caused this person to drink in the first place. Perhaps he even starts drinking again, and the cycle begins again.

[@Enlightenation]

I see so many of my ENFJ friends stuck in this pattern because they don't develop their inferior Ti. Through watching your video series, it's obvious that you are, and I think that's great. It will allow you to help people from so many more angles than your default one. Peace.

[@MeghaMuse]

Very interesting example! Going off of that, I think that sometimes ENFJs will focus on the behavior, i.e. alcoholic or not, when really the root problem is a more internal lack of trust that was creating. Sometimes, the ultimatum -- even when fixed -- won't fix the internal problems.

[@Dani-jo9yr]

Yes me totally ✅✅

[@BismaSuleman]

this is very VERY accurate. you are an awesome speaker and very analytical. not surprised ofc. :p

[@Vagrantkidfromtheforest]

My recent ex and I had the opposite. I'm the ENFJ, she's INFJ. I went against my logic and ignored the bad spending habits that put us in financial jeopardy for 5 years. I told her that I wanted things resolved so that feelings wouldn't linger, she told me that she didn't want to talk about it right then. I made it clear that I will never say I'm done, I would rather work to make the bonds strong again and that she needed to stop giving half answers. Rather than addressing whatever was causing the issue, she left me at home to play with our kid while seeing another guy. Didn't take long to catch on, but I accept that I can't change anything. That would be her decision. I hope she gets it sorted out....

[@Boogernaught]

As an INFJ I am exactly the same that it is about behaviours and not the person. I can easily forgive someone and want to reunite if they change the behaviour that was unacceptable in my life. This has occasionally been successful! When it has not I always hope we can be reunited one day. I also give clear and early ultimatums and am patient repeating said ultimatums (and am willing to work with them to resolve it) until it’s gone on for long enough and then they have to be very reluctantly door slammed. I have no problem stating my needs but I probably don’t come across as assertive as an ENFJ might and I am most often ignored. I can’t make it any clearer verbally but I can’t make people take it seriously. An ENFJ gave me a very emotional ultimatum/doorslam after one totally innocent comment triggered them. That was quite a shocking experience for me. I can do without that kind of person in my life. I have another ENFJ friend who I have had similar communication struggles with but she is much more patient and mature, I absolutely love her. We can be direct and work out a misunderstanding without hurting each other. The ENFJ - INFJ dynamic can be quite a testy one. I don’t like walking on eggshells but you guys are quite the firecrackers and I’m not sure I can always handle it.

[@lmitchell4412]

As an ISFP who has experienced what I believe to be an ENFJ ultimatum, I find it to be highly destructive. If someone has a problem with me being me, then they don't have to be my friend, but it is neither helpful nor necessary to drag me to the ground without warning and stomp all over me. It's extremely difficult to take when someone you love and care about does that to you.

[@MeghaMuse]

I see how it could be, but the point of bringing something up is to give them "warning." I prefer this to being ghosted with no explanation. I also don't have a problem with people "just being them" I have a problem when people's actions affect others. I'm sorry it seems like you have dealt with someone who wasn't ok with you being you and wasn't taking responsibility

[@lmitchell4412]

On second thought, maybe I actually DID receive a warning -- it was shrouded by a number of other complaints that I had little control over. (We were both very stressed out at the time.) The incident I described earlier was my friend's angry reaction when I didn't change. It was a very unpleasant confrontation, leading to tremendous pain on my part and some degree of guilt for my friend. We met afterward and discussed what took place, with the intent to make amends. Even though we are still friends, things have never been the same since. 😔

[@MeghaMuse]

ENFJs will get agitated by people who don't feel that they have control over their actions. That being said, we don't seem to naturally have good boundaries. I bet you did something that just crossed the line as far as an acceptable character on the ENFJ's end. whether or not they were seeing you straight is unclear... sometimes, ENFJs are very hard on people and don't have sympathy for people who act out of character just because they are stressed o hurting. (we don't have sympathy for ourselves in these difficult situations, either)

[@YukonFox1972]

ENFJs are not the type to drop someone without warning. That’s behaviour that introverts are more prone to do. ENFJs usually try to work things out (often for WAY too long and giving too many chances) before finally cutting someone out of their lives.

[@francesrobson1621]

@@MeghaMuse this is the truest statement EVER on us ENFJ’s. I cannot stand it when people refuse to flex their power and complain about their powerlessness. I find I encourage and support for a while, then boom, I say it more forcefully- quit whining and use your power. They either take it or they don’t, either way, I have already begun to back away. You can contact me and we can continue to be friends, but don’t ever discuss this topic with me again unless you have started to take control to resolve your situation. It sounds so harsh when I am typing this, but life can be harsh and if you don’t control your life, someone else will. Done, dusted, goodbye!

[@abdallahls7673]

A real ENFJ right there 🤭 I can see that _ INFJ

[@meganmilligan6216]

I'm an ENFJ (just started checking out your videos, they're great btw), and I've never given an ultimatum before. My desires for harmony or harmony for "the other" in whatever situation or relationship always keep me constantly in check from either standing up for myself or speaking out about something. So many of my Harmonizer traits have been sabotaging me lately and I'm not sure how to turn them around.

[@taylormoon96]

This video is great, your descriptions of the types were perfect. I'm pretty sure one of my sisters is ENFJ and I'm INFJ, so we get each other pretty well. I will say this, as an INFJ, with partners and partners only because those are usually the people I "attempt" to be closest to, (because of the whole "finding a soulmate thing") I find myself giving ultimatums with them before the door slam. Most everyone else will get a door slam if I feel nothing further can be said, but I don't give ultimatums to friends, at least not directly, maybe in my head I do. Partners, to me, are people that are really supposed to be there for you. A lot of what you described I relate to, I just don't do it for everyone. I still think that falls under a typical INFJ response though lol. Anyways, great video!!

[@taylormoon96]

I wanted to add too that it seems as though our two types really get and admire the way we both "work" together and separately. I think a lot of INFJs like ultimatums even if they aren't as direct because of their NFJ as a whole. It's that logical feeling that both E/INFJs seem to have.

[@MeghaMuse]

Thank you!! I need to learn to be more like you and let things roll off the back. Not everything is worth fighting for. I even do this with like coworkers or people I just kind of like. I need to just get the hint that not everybody is going to like me or at least be respectful.

[@jessehahka]

I’m an EFNJ. I agree, but I would not give an ultimatum. I would walk away. Why play games when I’m ready to walk away anyways? If someone gave me an ultimatum, then I would walk away. It’s over. Thanks for sharing.