The Father Wound | Otto Kelly | TEDxCarsonCity

Otto Kelly developed the "Daddy Academy" to combat the many social ills that are directly or indirectly related to fatherlessness.
As a young man, Otto played football for the University of Nevada, where he studied Human Ecology. He then embarked on a professional football career playing for the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars, and the NFL’S Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs before a 1985 injury ended his professional football career.
Otto returned to Reno where he spent 11 years as Washoe County’s Department of Juvenile Services’ first Gang Specialist/Community Outreach Counselor; a role which earned him numerous awards such as, The NAACP Youth Advocacy Award, Nevada Policy Research Institute Distinguished Community Service Award, and the Truckee Meadows Community Staff award to name a few. In 1999, Otto responded to God’s call and left his job to serve as a full time pastor focusing on biblical manhood, family preservation, youth advocacy, and community involvement. As a young man, Otto played football for the University of Nevada, where he studied Human Ecology. He then embarked on a professional football career playing for the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars, and the NFL’S Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs before a 1985 injury ended his professional football career.
Otto returned to Reno where he spent 11 years as Washoe County’s Department of Juvenile Services’ first Gang Specialist/Community Outreach Counselor; a role which earned him numerous awards such as, The NAACP Youth Advocacy Award, Nevada Policy Research Institute Distinguished Community Service Award, and the Truckee Meadows Community Staff award to name a few. In 1999, Otto responded to God’s call and left his job to serve as a full time pastor focusing on biblical manhood, family preservation, youth advocacy, and community involvement. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@TheNyakaat]

I need to mention that it's possible to grow in the same house as your father and still have the fatherless wound.

[@phomellozoemakhabane2299]

I hear that

[@zinhlegama8435]

This brought tears to my eyes because in this sentence you explained my life

[@chimdiBAM]

Story of my life.

[@iohannesfactotum]

Well I'm not over here crying like a lost kid for nothing.

[@Janedoe-bm5cd]

Thank you

[@gunfighterdrummer]

Not having a father in our life can bring us to dark places. Not having a good father slowed me down, forcing me to learn on my own. Things that a father could have thought me in a more experienced manner and perhaps quicker.

[@therealinternetdad]

Wishing you the best, and do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.

[@thepassionofanna]

Yeah same here brother, same here. Matter of fact I am afraid to have a child as I fear since I grew up without a father I may not know how to be a good father

[@anthonyf9423]

28 still learning allot..

[@TypicalMT]

@@anthonyf9423 26 and In that same boat

[@ChrisM713]

I agree and that is the reason we become good fathers to our children. Much love

[@tyron-thevictim-woodley698]

My Farther was there, but.......... he was never actually there.

[@sylviamontero6030]

I can relate.

[@estefanyn6750]

yea. Never related more to a comment.

[@j-fit677]

Sound like he was falling in and out of love with you.

[@jermaineelliott2685]

Same

[@beegyoshi2068]

@@olibarahosasa1137 that's awesome

[@Hannah-bg1ur]

Mothers teach kids female energies, Dads teach masculine energy. A good mom teaches you respect, sensitivity, sensuality, patience... A good dad teaches stability, selfworth, boundaries and a healthy ego, confidence in love, action, courage

[@jcr-studios]

This is your experience. Everyone has both male and female energy and abilities. There are many parenting courses on this very thing. I'm a proud single mom of 2 strong, confident, self-reliant men. My own dad taught me none of those things you mentioned - in fact, the opposite.

[@dollarbar1]

I just know the things my mother taught me.

[@Hannah-bg1ur]

@@jcr-studios its not necessary my experience. I meant in general.

[@maxnero728]

And I grew up without both… lol

[@kamed.]

Well said!

[@mickbowe4252]

I broke down from the exercise. close your eyes and picture the perfect father. boom. I sobbed in an explosive manner. and I didn't even know that was there. I'm 32 and I need a dad.

[@Notthefather91]

Man up

[@DeutscherGospel]

8:14 "Men stand up, please"

[@hi-kl1yw]

@@Notthefather91 grow up. this is an actual problem in our society nowadays , people with absent fathers/mothers can feel this way even when they are adults and they can't just "man up" although they should try to seek help and heal , but even then that scar will remain there forever because, they can't just turn back time to the past and avoid the absence of their father/mother or parents that dont necessarily act like parents or abusive parents etc. the relationship with their parents can affect them in the long run. and i'm sorry you can't understand that. or couldn't but please avoid making comments like this and think twice if not more then twice before u say something to someone else or keep it to yourself because your comments can be hurtful to others as well as other people's comments can be hurtful to you. have a nice rest of your day/evening/night.

[@pearlglass]

Mick it doesn't matter the age. I sometimes still crave the father figure. I think is an empty part of the heart that will remain that way cause we actually never had it there.

[@ybrueckner5589]

Don’t listen to that internet checks TV He is the dumbest troll I’ve ever seen on a comment page

[@jessehernandez3305]

Who else tears up on that famous fresh prince scene? Yall know which scene I'm talking about.

[@vergil5603]

Jesse Hernandez yes indeed 😁❤️

[@ChillRichard]

Every single time

[@notaseal7864]

I'm not an emotional man but I cried during that

[@muhammadgbadegesin8043]

"Why dont he want me!!!!" So sad.

[@elinwilliams2432]

Jesse Hernandez I felt that scene too much

[@tvm-growthisunlimited9023]

I'm a psychotherapist and feel the need you are expressing. This was not just a presentation - It is a CALL! Keep up your amazing work sir!

[@KodasStuff]

​@Yuriy Yuriy Radical feminists? Sure. Feminism itself isn't against men though, and there are far more normal feminists than radicals out there. It's just like any other ideology, Yuriy

[@quasitoantrax]

Can I talk to you

[@angelsrosena]

I will never understand why our society got so used to seeing fathers leaving their child and be ok with that, because if a mother does the same she will be dead through the eyes of every single person of the planet.

[@kohnbonn9744]

I assume you're a single mom from the way you're talking about men. Women hold half the responsibility for the single parent problem in this society. Women force men out the house instead of working on their problems as a couple. Everyone takes the easy way out instead of doing the hard work. They dont "need" a man anymore they're strong and independent but go to the government for welfare. The welfare system has incentivized single motherhood and has replaced fathers in the home. Men arent perfect but take majority of blame for this problem in society. Men need to be men and stand up and take responsibility for their families.

[@itsmesteve1081]

Because women never have to pay child support

[@mvp2233]

It's Me, Steve I don’t think the amount of money you have to pay is the issue here, regardless of ur gender u should be there for your kids. And clearly your uneducated because if a single parent father decides to go to court then the mum has to pay child support

[@TomAndersonDH]

@@mvp2233 That very rarely happens. Almost always the court is biased and gives custody to the mothers.

[@anniet494]

Its the moms fault! Wouldn't you wanna pick a partner you love and trust and to have kids with?

[@divinaluz5272]

Be the man, the father, the friend, the mom, the dad, the partner you want others to be. That would change your world.

[@lasinturaeshuchi8769]

I feel sad ,my dad was my first heart break,my first wound ,i really feel sad ,it has really changed me alot when i see men ....

[@strongindependentblackwoma1887]

What happens when you see men? :/

[@akhonavuma2379]

I'm 36 years and the wound of my father is the only heart break I have ever experienced. I constantly break up with man, at times I seek out a reason, and only now I realise I've been breaking up with my "dad" before he breaks my heart.

[@ThePeachyCat]

@@akhonavuma2379 same now I am at this point where I don't date men because I know I will do that and it doesn't would make sense to meet men

[@YoutubeTeasipper7856]

Yes it does, first off you don't even know how to value men. Not only did I not have a father growing up. I was surrounded by all women there were no men in sight to fill in the gap.

[@danielduncan5513]

The fatherless wish they had: Protection Provision Presence Praise Deep desire to have affirmation from a father figure The father must be: Encouraging you Telling you you’re the best Compassionate

[@fatimaidris5201]

Thank you

[@shelly5429]

This should have a million views.

[@pinkface7759]

All men who are fathers should have to watch this.

[@T83Norballe]

It will get there

[@eoinMB3949]

Yup absolutely

[@anouschkatsk3134]

I thought this video would've like million of views. Would deserve it

[@sumaiyaanika9270]

I literally cried by listening this podcast didn't realize despite my father is alive i never feel loved ,encouraged ,he was so emotionally unavailable that he can't even say i love you i never hugged him ,Yeh i born in a wealthy family but the emotional detachment from my both parents are equal, there is no memories no little moments ,i just realized i also needed to be my own father and meditate through that .Thanks universe for giving this guidance!

[@nina755]

I meditated through having a good father and it was a beautiful feeling

[@OllieSmiless]

Similar situation here. Looks like we have to reparent ourselves. ❤️

[@YoutubeTeasipper7856]

Sorry to hear that I see a lot of kids who feel abandoned my parents with money as well.

[@w-v2lvvv]

we are hurting because we didnt have a dad. But society bullys us, rejects us and hurts us even more because we didnt have a father. i wish society can change and be more supportive to fatherless people

[@Jguru5]

I never knew my father. Met him one day; 25 minutes at the age of 25.. he patted me on my shoulder and left.. I’ll never know growing up with a dad.

[@OP-xi1hv]

What did he have to say to you?

[@Jguru5]

OP , he threw his arm around my shoulder and said, “nice to meet you man”

[@TomAndersonDH]

@@Jguru5 A lot of times mothers will force the father out of the child's life and lie to their children about him. Ive seen it happen a number of times. That child grows up resenting the father without ever asking the father himself why he was never around. Did you ask? and if he told you that he wanted to be in your life early on would you have believed him? Or was your hate already set in stone?

[@Jguru5]

O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ he was very short... very quiet... I felt more like I was an art project he made in school he forgot about quite honestly... he only had 30 minutes :/ first and last time we ever met. Its been 3 years; no calls or anything. Idk, there was never hate in my heart... just confusion.

[@TomAndersonDH]

@@Jguru5 Okay I was just curious. Not all dads and moms are good. Ive seen the type of parents you are talking about before. A parent that wants to have kids just out of curiosity but does not want to take the responsibilities or time to spend with their kid. Sorry to hear that man. I know what it's like to grow up without a certain parent myself as well. It can be tough when you are younger and yes even when you are older. I can tell from what you said that it's not your problem and it's his, but id still try from time to time because I really regret not trying with one of my parents. I was resentful to them till they died. Didn't even go to the funeral. I was too filled with my own pride and anger and I wish I would have tried harder now that i'm older. Also a lot of men/dads have a way harder time expressing love than women/moms. I'm a dad now and although i'm in my kids lives I sometimes have a hard time connecting with them and I was conditioned early on to not be very affectionate. I always hope that they know I care, but it's very difficult for me to even hug a person or say I love you. So I just try to show them by doing other things like spending time with them or something as simple as making their favorite dessert. Dads/men have a lot of their own problems and although not all are like me, a lot do have a hard time expressing their feelings openly. Keep your head up and best of luck in life man.

[@wshelby83]

This was such a good speech. Boys and daughters need their fathers

[@dagmarheinz9160]

but also there mom

[@kagomejackie]

this made me cry but i feel less alone 💕

[@JoeMama-ty3ds]

Jackie Shaffer i know its 1:24 am and im just out here crying

[@KAMILITA]

Jackie Shaffer you’re not alone honey bun. ❤️

[@lilselizabeth]

same xx

[@Eburke38]

Same.

[@OnasaD]

“I hung around with killers, searching for father figures”…. A father is an important foundation in a child’s life

[@brittanyhunter3331]

So strange! This is my good friend’s father from middle school. He is a wonderful person, with a wonderful family who help so many!

[@jenndaizy]

“When she lacks the things that would cause her to feel better about herself, she’s more willing to do things that goes against her morals.” This is so relatable as when I reflect back on my past relationships or friendships, I realised that I’ve tend to lower my standards and messed up the boundaries just so to please my friends or partners so that they could stay.

[@abdelrahmantaha9785]

I can strongly relate to this. I am 28 now, grew up without a father. He was physically there but has never actually been really there. I can only do stuff on my own like reading or studying, and that led me to achieve great academic success. But I almost have no clue how to interact with others. I can feel how people around me are confused by how great my academic qualifications are and how disorganized, antisocial and irresponsible I am at work and in my social interactions. I am also filled with so much self-doubt and have no clear sense of self or meaning.

[@misso9823]

Needed this. Just now discovering my problem & I can relate to this comment so much

[@YT4Readers]

Abdelrahman: There is an intellectual route to the emotional and social healing you want. Read etiquette and protocol books. I started reading them in high school and have read 5. When you are certain what the 'social customs' are that set the standard, you will discover in your daily life that the majority of people DON'T know 'accepted' social behaviors. For the most part, the books advocate tolerance and acceptance and social comfort. In real life interactions, people tend to do what is to their own advantage. You don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling clueless. The other learning that helps is to get out of your car. Walk the sidewalks of your neighborhood. Just say, 'Hi,' in passing. Just get into occasional conversations with gregarious neighbors on topics of weather or landscaping it a local team. Venture out on buses. Take a train vacation. Amtrak has $300 to $500 passes for 30 days, for 10 legs of travel. You can go to NYC, Washington, New Orleans, LA, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, and St. Louis and spend the entire time socializing with strangers, striking up conversations about what you see out the windows. 1 out of 1000 people will NOT want to talk WITH ANYBODY. Most strangers are willing to chat for a couple of minutes or 5 or 10 minutes just because that is their social threshold. They will teach you what lines of social banter work and which don't work. Most people have little patience with a person whose only topic of conversation is himself or herself. Most conversations like that will end fast. But lots of neutral topics, non-personal topics work. If you are confined to family vacations, you can practice talking to strangers before and after PTA meetings or on Parent Conference night at schools. If you attend most events with a spouse, confide that you want to experiment with striking up a conversation with one or two strangers--just for social practice. (And avoid making the spouse jealous.) People will tend to ignore you if you ignore them. If you have kids, you need to practice now because a day will come when they are adults out on their own, and you will need to find companionship without them. The magic is in voice/silence and doing your share if the listening and your share of the talking. Brilliance is NOT required.

[@abdelrahmantaha9785]

@@misso9823 hope you're on a healing journey now :)

[@abdelrahmantaha9785]

​@@YT4Readers I really appreciate you taking the time to share those helpful tips. I will try them out for sure. Thank you!

[@texaslovelylady]

There are only certain things a good father can bring; unfortunately either we have absent fathers or broken or sometimes both. To all the good fathers God bless you so very richly.

[@summerhassoun6128]

mannn this had me 😭… its like livin with a wound that never get healed no matter how hard I try

[@Babyfacedblackjesus]

My father was there and is still there up to now. One love to him.

[@Jasmin96961]

My father left me and my mom when I was a teen. He never cared about me, never given me a pound, he used to beat me and abusive me emotionally. I am 30 years old but my wound is deep. Every day every single day I long for I am desparate for a father figure. I look for everywhere and never have found a comfort. Day by day pain gets deeper

[@kaykayssl267]

What are you supposed to do when u meet your dad for the first time in years and he says I love u but u say it back and don’t mean it. It’s kinda hard to love a stranger.

[@Jasmin96961]

@@kaykayssl267 Mine won't even call me. I am sure he forgot how I look like

[@Jasmin96961]

@@kaykayssl267 he doesn't care about me

[@unwaveringwilli5391]

whatever you do don't make my mistake. don't trust society for your wholes in your heart. dont trust or you get abused even more. find a goal a job a hobby and leave the rest to God.

[@danielduncan5513]

You have a Heavenly Father who loves you so much

[@s.g1340]

Whew, sometimes I wonder when I am going to get over the heartache of not having a good relationship with my father as well as a negative relationship with my step-dad. My dad says he proud of me, first I feel proud, then I feel angry. I needed that long before this. I've needed him to be present, loving, affectionate, I needed him to build me up. I needed him and he wasn't there. Still isn't. Watching this validates my feelings. I still want to know when I will accept that this I just the father that I have. I do have an uncle that's like a father to me. I am thankful for him.

[@Mamaisthesource]

I'm able to resonate with this a lot as a woman and also as a mother of a daughter and a son. It's funny that me and my sister have two TOTALLY different relationships with our dad and we grew up in the same house for years. I honestly believe that the pendulum swings both ways. As a child its not our responsibility to nurture the relationship with our father. Its his. As we grow we can mend and do our part but it doesn't start with. The blame isn't necessarily on them as we both play a role in the relationship. I've accepted my own relationship with my father for what it is and strive to keep pushing forward in my purpose. Within the realm of reparenting and deprogramming what I've been taught and told and mostly shown. Whew. Its a process indeed. Sending you healing vibrations Shaakira 💜

[@madiflow4015]

my dad cheated and had a kid with another woman. it hurt so much as a little kid seeing your mom throwing your dads clothes out. i just wanted a daddy daughter relationship without feeling guilty

[@rochellebellbell1656]

Well your dad shouldn’t have been a piece of suit then should he… lord!

[@YT4Readers]

Madi: You deserved one. He didn't

[@Amazinglilflowers]

If your mother knew how it’s impacting you, I’m sure she would have chosen your happiness and tried to coparent you in a healthy manner. I’m about to divorce and even though my heart has no room left for the man, for the sake of my child I know I’ll always remain friends with him for the rest of my line even though he’s not making it easy. Your mom just didn’t know. Sending you love!

[@janusthegamer8334]

I’m 23 and I still feel that hurt from my dad abandoning me. I though I was over the feeling and that I had accept he didn’t love me, but today my mind came crashing and it was so random... How do you make kids and don’t love them. Not to mention I’m your first born and first son... I will never do to my kids what he’s done to me.

[@mkallarry4597]

You are loved man, and I know you would do better for you boys and girl

[@edwardgutierrez8851]

I know your pain brother you are not alone

[@suzysantana6033]

I feel your pain. My husband and I grew up without a father. My husband told me I will never do to my kids what he did to me..your same exact words. My husband has been an Amazing father to our 3 children the last 14 years. Hes everything his father couldn't be. Even without any male figure in his life the love he has for his children is all he needed to break that generational curse of fatherlessness. Your words touched me as I feel your pain.

[@thorisontlailane7519]

My brother I feel like you are talking about me. It's been 20 years without seeing my creator. I don't even know how he looks like now, if he is still alive or not. I don't even know if he knows that I exist. It's a mess but we soldier on. Hopefully we will be better parents.

[@quasitoantrax]

How do you feel now bro

[@doyouliketacosiliketacos5139]

My father was sick, something deep inside of him was twisted by the time I came into the world. I love him, I was so angry at him for not protecting me but I just wanted him to be my father.

[@aliboulahna863]

I wish my 5 years old daughter ask her mother one day and get the real answer from her : Alissa you don't have a father because i have forbid him access to you when he told me that he didn't wanted to stay in relation with me , he have fought 5 years , travelled the world to see you , payed for all our expenses in 3 different countries but finally i have decided that it was better to build a wall between you and your daddy .. he loved you so much , spend amazing days with you ( 595 days ) , walking , dancing , driving on motorbike , he make u fly with paragliding when you was 3 yo , told you thousands of time how much he loved you , was so proud of you and could have bring the moon for you ... but my selfishness and narcissism was much more important so i kept you for me alone and have decided that you don't really need such a loving father ... but i love you my sweet angel , you doing great without him thanks to the human laws , family courts judges who helped me i have took the best decision for you ...

[@ksant3596]

This man coached me in my little league football. Great man! Never forgot him

[@cindykrolik1392]

Thank you Otto for being there for so many of young men and women. God bless you, Joy and your ministry.

[@sanchez_1999]

My pops was there, but not there for me emotionally and mentally. He’s a hard working man but never really put effort with me. Dude it’s sad like I don’t even know him. Always called me out for doing wrong but has never gave me advice on life, women, or friends..

[@newdrilltunesbrumday8059]

Same on mine bro I'm 16 i know my dad but would see him rarely he would have a go at me after I had the confidence to get mad at him because he cheated on my mom when I was one but he was cussing me out also my dad lived in the streets wich made me feel like I should get involved but it was hard but I stopped chasing him when he blocked me but luckily I have a step dad how has been like a real dad I haven't seen my real dad in 2 years

[@sanchez_1999]

@@newdrilltunesbrumday8059 well its good you have a father figure now

[@newdrilltunesbrumday8059]

@@sanchez_1999 thanks bro its what us men need

[@sanchez_1999]

@@newdrilltunesbrumday8059 we do bro good luck out there

[@duke2906]

Bruh my father stormed out when I was born and when I was 16 we met at my school i punched him in the face and I never saw him again

[@24POWERS]

It’s called Love and we all need it and all need to give it

[@carlosnevarez4003]

My father wasn't there for us when I was growing up but my mother ended up sending me to him when I turned 15. I bonded with him and he showed me nothing but love. I love my dad dearly and love my mother even more. When I start my family, I will always be there for my child.

[@mickbowe4252]

When he said stand up and picture the father that you never had I burst out crying. I wonder what that means. I didn't really think of a great father I only got as far as bursting into tears.

[@monashata3837]

Same here 💔

[@prayashthapa3982]

It has a been a while since I have cried this much as a grown man.

[@TK_Danes]

Everyone deserves affirmation from someone you trust in your life. Fathers and Mothers. The ideas given to us are seeds and make us adults today. How the child is raise, the lack of, or otherwise creates the result of how we love, treat, and care for others and how we handle difficult situations

[@willpowerstrengthandfitnes6773]

He is encouraging Fathers to be Fathers. And those who grew up without one or one whose not present, to focus on a father figure if you have one.

[@alphamaledude]

only met my father once and felt disgusted, he was strung out on drugs living like an animal thats when i realized at 15 i can't rely on anyone but me and my maker

[@TomAndersonDH]

Your first thought was disgust? Why not try to help your father overcome his addiction and try to have a relationship with him? He was probably depressed and just needed someone to show they cared.

[@therealinternetdad]

So sorry to hear that... do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.

[@gracelaurenlavie]

O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ You shouldn’t guilt him, he’s aloud to feel however he feels about his father

[@sylviamontero6030]

@@TomAndersonDH he was a kid, why put that on him. He can't fix what he didn't break.

[@MrGnarlybirdman]

@@TomAndersonDH it’s not a child’s role to fix the parent

[@DaniShmait]

Such an inspirational and poignant talk coming from the heart. Thank you very much.

[@gabpinto5633]

My dad was never there. Only his voice. But I love him even though I know he hates who I am as a man. But he looks just like me I will always love my dad. When he closes his eyes forever I will shed tears for him and be filled with pain. But my mama, my mama when she goes; my soul will die and a piece of me will die with her, I will cry for her everyday.

[@joshrivera2456]

Powerful message and call to action..🙏

[@sa-le4mj]

You are such a rare and good soul. Thank you for this talk.

[@fight-me-roc4702]

I grew up without a dad, only had my mother and I love my mother but I asked her one day why I didnt have a father she told me not to worry about him that he didn't deserve me, but I knew he just left becaues he didnt want me, for me that hurt me for a long time it still does when I think about it. I never new him soo how could I hate someone I didnt know. I'm 19 with my own 1yr old child, when I new I was going to have a baby I was going to be by her side becaues I know that pain that pain knowing that you're father didnt care to even get to know you.

[@aliboulahna863]

I wish my 5 years old daughter ask her mother one day and get the real answer from her : Alissa you don't have a father because i have forbid him access to you when he told me that he didn't wanted to stay in relation with me , he have fighted 5 years , travelled the world to see you , payed for all our expenses in 3 different countries but finally i have decided that it was better to build a wall between you and your daddy .. he loved you so much , spend amzing days with you , walking , dancing , on motorbike , he make u fly with paragliding , told you thousands of time how much he loved you , was so proud of you and could have bring the moon for you ... but my selfishness and narcissism was much more important so i kept you for me alone and have decided that you don't really need such a loving father ... but i love you my sweet angel ...

[@howtostrawberry]

​@@aliboulahna863 She will probably tell (and maybe she has already told) your daughter that it was you who didn't want to see her, and that's why you are never there for her. Of course, as our saying goes: you can never plaster the sun up. Wish you and your daughter the best!

[@stanleywanjiru6556]

You're not alone I too grew up without a father and as I result I vowed to do everything within my power to be with my children. Today at 46 yrs I believe I've done a good job at it inspite of the "father wounds" that have sometimes made me behave in ways I should not have.

[@rochellebellbell1656]

@@aliboulahna863 this post didn’t seem to be about you… but go ahead and make it anyway 🙈

[@birthcertificate7223]

my dad lives in the same town and we have a strange relationship, we have never shared a meal, never gone for a walk or cycle and many more. He sits in his chair and don`t speak much to anyone. I`m aware he has depression and i guess this has played a major part in our lives. Sometimes i feel really sad and have missed opportunities trying to build our relationship

[@Blessedup69]

Birth Certificate dude I feel that. I have a neighbor a retired sheriff. Great family guy and I call him my old man. Cause I’ve literally talking to him more than I have my own father in my entire life

[@diarazugey3126]

My dad did 21 years in prison. I am 25, my older sister is 28. He would tell my sister he was going to pick her up and would never show up then she was 6 when he went in I was 3. He lied every year about coming home. I hate liars. I hate waiting. I hate missing him.

[@vulpesregis]

Hey, I'm a year late for this one. But.. There's a possibility he really wanted to show up. But the shame didn't let him. Shame can be a giant hook on a man's heart. Restraining all good deads. Anyhow. God bless

[@muumarlin1731]

What a talk. Special man right there.

[@sweetbutterfly7697]

Hes talking from his HEART ! Keep spreading the LOVE WE NEED !

[@b.h3877]

It's worse when thye choose not to be there for you

[@nicholasdionne9693]

Yea... You know:( i thought i was the only one...

[@b.h3877]

@@nicholasdionne9693 no you are definetly not.. I feel poeple like us try to find a father figure subcinciously, i did in my relationship atlease (i am a girl)

[@dannyphantom4904]

Definitely. I've met my dad a few times when I was 2 or 3, and I don't remember him. I know that he has a new wife and he has a son. And he fully raised his son, but he couldn't even visit me? Especially since we lived a short drive away.

[@C-mereSSBU]

That's not always the whole story.

[@justynak3867]

Me too xoxo

[@Lionessoflove22ko7rl]

Thankyou for this talk Pastor. ✨️🙏🏾✨️💚✨️

[@RebekkaLien]

This made me cry. Thank you for sharing this. I didn't see my dad for 10 years and I felt so depressed.

[@Munmunich]

As a 26 yr old asian woman I just found out about this when working on my mother wound. Now I have to work on the father wound while being in the same house as him. He's physically around but never present or invested in this family, so is my mom. All he cared about was food and his poker game which he's been unconsciously playing online poker for a decade. I understand that I am unable to 'convince' my parents to see the hurt they've caused me and paying more attention to their absence will only cause more pain. I am thoroughly working on myself and planning to travel the world on a budget next year. You know. It only gets better once you realize that you can't change them, detach from the idea of wishing your parents pay attention to you/show you love. You can still heal while being far away from them. Sometimes, they'll only realize this once you're gone. That's my 2 cents.

[@kristenb2898]

I’m hurting for my son right now😢 God be a Father to him

[@TheMwowner1]

I grew up without a father, now im 28, and still don't know what it means to be a man, i always wished i had a father figure in my life, unfortunately no one wants to deal with someone else's problem. Most of my friends also were from broken homes, i could never understand why i never had any friends that grew up in a normal house hold. I guess the wiring is different with people who had both parents in their households. like minded people attract like minded people. To this day i have problems adjusting to society, feels all pointless, endless, hopeless. I promised myself i would not be like my father, and to do that is to never be one. That is the way.

[@morematcha]

Not to be creepy, but i looked at your playlists and thought someone stole mine ... haha👍🏽. I feel you.

[@sa-le4mj]

This breaks my heart.

[@danielmutunga1671]

Wow I relate to this so much, I understand.

[@honeymoney23]

Sending you love

[@dollarbar1]

You spoke my mind. I'm 28 too.

[@johnsmithland7325]

I am so lucky to have a great father

[@zuhayermamun5902]

I can hear the pain and passion and true heartfelt care and sincerity within every word this man speaks. Thank you sir for your dedication to this societal plague. And may we all do our parts to heal this wound within us and within society.

[@sbusisiwenewearthndlovu6965]

😭😭😭😭😭 i have to thank God who is still helping me in healing of this wound

[@mejunaidraza]

Great. I'm a researcher, and I believe that you have done a great job.

[@ThomasSmith-z5q]

Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.

[@maycha5619]

Powerful 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 just wow 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Bless him bless him bless him 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 There’s so much beautiful powerful people in this world 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 this man is 🖤🔥🖤🔥🖤

[@nextgenfatherhood7757]

Its great to see mentors like us teach functionality to the youth. Our community needs us .

[@pontiacGXPfan]

Mine didn't even wanna know i existed. He just decided that i was expendable and left

[@pelementmaker]

i know your pain my friend. mine stuck around, but the only thing he taught me was that my hair had the tensile strength of holding the weight of my little body.

[@mrsyellowhawk5]

@@pelementmaker My heart really breaks for u. Do u have any children?

[@pelementmaker]

@@mrsyellowhawk5 no, im almost 30 now and i have been so afraid of becoming my father that i missed all and every oppourtunity to start a family. i wish, i might one day become a father, i know one thing forsure that i will not be the father i grew up with. i will love my children, no matter what hardship they may enter, untill the end.

[@bendover5255]

@@pelementmaker I am curious on how it feels to be without a father because my mom went through that it kills me to see her still wishing he was around, is it like a emptiness in you? How does it make you feel?

[@pelementmaker]

@@bendover5255 most days its like a general sadness, i used to be angry alot when i was younger but that has subsided alot in recent years. actualy my relationship with my father has improved steadily, which helps but i still feel like im missing something, cause the fact is i dident have a father when it actualy counted. my mother more or less raised me. my father did the punishment, im 27 and i still feel like im walking on eggshells around him, i feel mostly fear around him. how does it make me feel? sad, bitter and lonely.

[@Tinnermommm]

My son protects me too. This child is the first person in my life that cared so much. I will cherish this boy, my whole life🥰

[@michaeltlays1293]

Man, i never met my father, all i know is he died on the day my son was born,, i dont hate the man. Cant hate someone you dont know,, but.. its just too bad we both got robbed of the bond.

[@gihonlabs6703]

Sorry for that Bro.

[@showyouthewhey5742]

Melissa Justice -Todd sending you love & light💛

[@fredahmurugi5620]

@Melissa Justice -Todd you lucky you even went to his burial. I hear mine died but I don't even know him. My mum made sure nobody told me even when I asked. It is even harder to deal with the identity problems

[@cairomendez-brown4292]

I had to Always make the effort to see my dad but he didn't what to see me I had to let go of the bond and I'm 15 its important that dad's are their I hear u bros

[@pokerani99]

@@cairomendez-brown4292 you’re only 15 bro, from my experience a mom will tell you your dad doesn’t want to see you even if he does because THEY don’t want to see. i’d say when you’re 18 reach out to him on your own and ask him

[@misso9823]

Being so openly honest here... who is watching this & hurting deeply as I am now. For myself I'm now learning why I struggle emotionally & freaking sucks

[@ghibliinmyblood]

Respect for this man and his team for taking efforts on the issue

[@KelzBernard]

This had me crying like a baby! MAN! Salute to all the dads out here! 💪🏽❤️💪🏽❤️

[@00ruva00]

No matter how difficult it is I'll mend my relationship with my father.

[@andrejalil]

Hearing the statistics of the affects on people without a father at home is staggering. I grew up without my dad being around and it always motivates me to be, at the very least, present for my daughter. Seeing pics of us made me realize I’ve never seen a photo of my father and I. Not one. My daughter is 2 and we already have thousands. Times are very different but it would be dope to have one pic with my father.

[@sandrahall9030]

Four Ps: Protection Provision, Presence and Praise.

[@coloredgirllost9979]

This is one of the best Ted talks I ever listened too.

[@chukakaelo2275]

That first statistic is all the motivation I need.

[@zhertva_soley]

I loved my father in the childhood, even when he shouted on me and beat me. When was 9 it turned out that he was a drug addicted. He never loved me, it was obvious for everyone since my birth. I couldn't imagine that he might be such a bad person. But he was and he is.

[@TomAndersonDH]

@@victore.1509 How much of that is what your mom told you though? Have you ever talked to your dad and asked him personally how he feels? Ask him why he has done some of the things he has done? Two sides to every story.

[@ChitchatwithApril]

You are a blessing sir! Please, I pray, that you will continue doing this work and hearts and ears and minds will open for your message.

[@Unityofall80]

My grandparents helped my mother raise me. I had my grandfather, great-grandfather and a host of uncles to fill the void that my father left. Looking back on it, I was fortunate to have such positive male role models and would live my life the same way all over again.

[@samuelmohuka]

Thanks Kelly, people need more wisdom than entertainment ❤️💯

[@_DivineTruth_is_Home_]

im sharing this everywhere i can...courage gave me a go~

[@flamingrobin5957]

My Father just died who was a poor example invalidating discouraging critical distant passive agressive. ITs so painful. one thing ive learned, its better to have a bad example than no example. in all the pain im Grateful for my Father. He had little ability to bless me. His dying words to me ...I asked him "do you like anything about me, do you think im good at anything" his long pause......"I guess i dont like myself".....wow. please pray for me as i struggle to process this profound loss and closure on the fact I'll never have my Fathers blessing.

[@candacewillis9535]

This is so awesome. I am a proponent of fathers in the lives of their children. I thank God for my 5 children's father. Even though we divorced when they were teenagers, I bless God that we shared custody with no issues. Mothers do a terrible disservice to their children when they keep children away from their fathers cause they are no longer together. When they tell their children horrible things to turn their minds and hearts away. Children need their fathers. Fathers stop leaving your children cause you and their momma are not together. Love them, nurture them. I thank God for my own father.

[@xenaxo2026]

My dad left me 3 months after I was born. Now, he’s leaving his best life with his dream job dream kids and his wife that he loves so much. Why wasn’t I enough

[@naturallynature1559]

Please know it wasn’t about YOU but rather about him. You are ENOUGH, you are WORTHY, you MATTER, your feelings matter and the attention you give yourself matters from the book of Iyanla Vanzant

[@DhyanaaWithSaumya]

You are a blessing. Thank you for the work that you do, Sir. This was a very moving speech.

[@noellsara4009]

God bless those beautiful human!🕊🙏🏼

[@MAP3698]

“Their healing exponentially increases when a strong father figure is in their lives, not looking at them with wanting eyes.”

[@herbnerd7]

Thank you Otto Kelly i really needed to hear that. You have restored hope within me. Amazing talk. thank you so much! Bless

[@christopherphillips8027]

May God bless this brother. He is preaching the gospel. I have issues with my father or may I say the man who adopted me. We never got along. We argued and fought all of the time. He said that he was ashamed of me. He never said he was proud of me. And, after staying in a homeless shelter with men, not only did I have father issues but, most all of the men there had father issues. Very good video that all men need to watch.

[@gam___gonzalez]

God bless you Otto Kelly 🙏🏼 Strong Message 🏆🏆

[@franny894]

I lost my mother at age 5. When my daughter was around 10 years old I talked to her about my mothers death. It was a sad conversation. At the end of our conversation, I told her that I was her mother but that she was also a mother to me. And I didn’t know exactly what that meant but that is what I felt. I am over 70 years old and can look back over the years and can understand how I needed this to help my own healing.

[@TK-gm5zd]

It wasn't until I turned 22 when I was told that my father saw his crushed by a boulder when he was 7. I used to hate him more than I hated myself due to his absence/addiction, but, it was at that moment I realized; he couldn't be a father towards me because his father didn't get to be his. None of you are alone. If nobody told you today I'm proud of you.

[@MM-wi5dn]

Omg 7 yo seeing that? Horrible

[@wearethegenerationmovement]

Thank you Sir

[@steffentuchter]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[@joelenehopkins1564]

So beautiful, Thank You Pastor Kelly🥰

[@popeyethepirate5473]

Tearing up here

[@therealinternetdad]

Ty, wishing you the best! Do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.

[@shayshaygullison2170]

Same I'm Balling my eyes out

[@popeyethepirate5473]

@@therealinternetdad how can I help you pandemic?

[@shabbaranks62]

I'm 22 years old struggling like a mf. It's crazy hearing that we find validation without evening knowing at the moments from another man. I always do better and feel great when a mentor of some sort praises me for a minor accomplishment that isn't even worth mentioning but it always dies out and I'm always chasing that high and I'm finally realizing this and coming to terms with the healing and acceptance that I finally found some sort of peace this exact morning. I needed to hear this video I'm glad I finally realizing after all these years of hurt like body hurts finally at rest

[@MifupaMikavu23]

I'm 36..The father wound hurts deeply. I need help

[@SteelOrchid25]

When he said that his son was his father when he took charge at the funeral, that was powerful and beautiful💕

[@Nothinlefttoloze]

Wow I am dumbfounded at how amazing this is

[@JB-pk4ck]

I had no father and to top it off, i had a malicious stepfather. My childhood ended at 12 years old and i never felt safe when he came along. Nothing positive came from him. At 52 i feel the gap of not having a father more than ever. Anxiety is a major problem and i think having a good father gives you that security and feeling of protection.. I watch these videos to learn. Ive lived half a century and still learning..

[@abaerenwald005]

Technically I had a father but he was never really there. He came and went as he wanted and it hurt, but eventually I didn't allow him the power to hurt me. I numbed myself to things he did such as when he took family pictures with his girlfriend and their newly born child along with her already born child. I had to watch that. I am so grateful for my mother and my grandmother and her side of the family. I realized that I have worth with or without him. Everyone does whether it's your mother or father that's gone. ❤️

[@victoriaryan23]

My father abandoning me affected me quite deeply and still does today, though I’m glad to say I’ve healed a lot. I glad I survived the years I was lost, because the way I was going I could’ve ended up like the girls he mentions in the video or worse.

[@-Mr.Crazy.]

I knew my father very well, he was there and loved me for the first 17 years of my life. He was amazing, charismatic, smart, and authentic and gave me the personality and traits I have today. But I now sit as an 18-year-old without a father to love and teach me, as he died a bit less than a year ago. I already feel the anger and hatred that it has given me, having bad intentions and ideas from attempting to suppress the sadness