THE FEELINGS THAT TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST

[@Stillpril]

Sometimes we don't "see" the red flags because we feel them.

[@jetaboveclouds]

When you live with a covert narcissist, you are the one who is angry all the time. The passive aggressive behavior makes you ill. You are always the bad guy.

[@kerrytaggart8206]

Do not talk about God with a covert. You will feel the darts and they make you feel silly.

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

So correct. I felt my anger was eating me up from the inside. For me it was a job situation: When i got out of that job, i did feel that large burning lump inside me growing smaller as time went on...

[@BigRebel0802]

They are jealous of happiness and joy in even their own children! So sabotage it.

[@BigRebel0802]

Queezy and nauseas feeling is my immediate gut signal.

[@garyharris4366]

I would say the moment that you see them either smirk or grin while their manipulating you is a feeling you will never forget. It's like they take pleasure knowing that they are hurting you in whichever way they are. See people for the behavior their showing, not in the way you wish them to be, is my advice.

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

Hey, this is something I haven’t seen written on any other narc videos before. I’ve watched thousands of narc vids and nobody has ever commented on the smirk. I’ve seen that smirk before at a family event toward the end of my relationship with the narc. The narc and the narcs family at times liked to gang up and try to throw me off my relaxation. It got to the point where I had many conversations with my ex and the ex narc would never listen or respect me. Ever. They would still do the thing I asked them not to do. It wasn’t the smirk that hurt, it was knowing that my ex was basically telling me ‘f u 🆗 y o u’ and your feelings. Trash people, I swear.

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

@ZarathustraMG42 understandable and I hope you cut ties. Nobody deserves to be abused. Best wishes to you

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

@ZarathustraMG42 good for you! Hey it took me several months after leaving before I knew what a narcissist is.

[@Luke-ei2yv]

Yep, well said mate 👍

[@limitedtime5471]

​@@Job.Well.Done_01you may have seen the term "duper's delight"? It's used for anyone who enjoys lying and manipulating, and lets it slip at times with a sly smile

[@hopeinhumanity.]

Definitely an important sign is the feeling of feeling unsafe. Genuine love and care is the opposite- creates safety.

[@michaeljackson7361]

I mostly remember feeling like walking on eggshells. Felt like what I said wasn't heard.

[@KatWoodland]

Glad to read your use of the PAST tense. Don’t try to make sense of these broken damaged excuses for people, locked in human bodies

[@michaeljackson7361]

@@KatWoodland thank you. It is behind me. A big life lesson it was. But I'm free now. Took a year or so tho.

[@johnlovesbridge]

When you work under a narcissist, the only solution is to find another job. This is gutwrenching, especially if youve been with the organization a long time. And surprise, you may wind up with another narc boss.

[@sheilamurry9875]

They want to change the subject

[@onarose013]

The eyes going black is something I definitely witnessed.

[@MB-sg8dx]

Clearly demonic

[@onarose013]

@@MB-sg8dx I didn't really believe in that stuff until I saw it

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@onarose013 yep. It’s real. My personal opinion is that many narcissists are demonized… it’s just awful…

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

There is a rational explanation, which is that eyes can dilate when someone is angry and feels threatened, sometimes to the point where the entire pupil is black. I’ve seen this too and this explanation makes sense to me.

[@onarose013]

@@LookingBehindtheMirror thank you for explaining this 💕💫

[@emmarae4322]

I felt unsettled.

[@robinchilds7492]

I'm an empath and I refused to have stupid conversations with the covert narcissist I was with for 4 years. I would either get quiet or walk away.

[@chxwv]

I just wish she had not caused me serious internal physical injury before I realized how she really felt about me and how I felt from the way she treated me

[@user-rn5qo3pp7c]

Mine would say that I had “selective hearing” and have a smug look on his face as if he was a professor teaching a student a new term. Mind you, he never finished high school and I’m a college graduate.

[@amothergoddess2774]

YES TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID; MENTALLY LAZY, SUPERFICIAL, CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING COMPLEX; THE FEELING OF BEING INFERIOR AND SMALL AND ASHAMED THAT WAS THE WORST! NO THANKYOU, NO SORRYS, HARD DISDAINFUL EMOTIONS AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS MY BIRTHDAY WAS THE FINAL STRAW, BEING SPOKEN TO LIKE A 2 YR OLD AND SHE WOULDN'T LOOK AT ART WITH ME BECAUSE I WAS TOO SLOW AT ART GALLERY! I DON'T TAKE HER CALLS OR HAVE ANY CONTACT W/HER/I RECOMMEND! THESE PEOPLE ARE FULL OF DEMONS AND LIES AND BAD STUFF!

[@1010QUEEN7]

They are full of demons period

[@MCat-yv3hl]

You explain these situations in concrete, relatable terms. It’s so difficult for people who have not lived through it to understand. Your videos are like talking to a girlfriend who actually gets it.

[@reneegardner2286]

Yes!

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

"The only thing that keeps you in these circles, is your need for clarity and your need to be heard". 100% true. I stopped chasing after the need to be heard and understood, when I realized he was incapable... And I had the power to validate myself. I've been free, happy and strong for 1 year, 6 months now.

[@moonstone4684]

I would bring up an issue, of some disrespectful way he treated me, and he would respond with some word salad, and then I would try to explain even further, usually in under 2 minutes, and while I was doing so, he would make annoyed gestures, and then when I stopped speaking, awaiting his response, he would rudely say "Is it my turn? Can I talk now?" Then more word salad and strange unrelated things would come out of his mouth, along with how it was all my fault anyway. Then I'd get advised of never listening to him. And whenever he talked about ANYTHING and I listened for what seemed like hours, I'd respond with my viewpoints, and he would say "You don't understand!" "You're still not getting what I'm saying!". And this didn't even have to be about "us". Could be anything! It was so frustrating that I'd leave there, or hang up the phone with him, feeling like exhausted, sad, overwhelmed, have anxiety and a general questioning of my own mind.

[@MB-sg8dx]

I can so relate…..leaves you so demoralized and weary. I feel like a wrung out dishrag as i begin to take baby steps to build a new life. Narcs truly sap you of all your strength.

[@dianereynolds9835]

I have totally totally been there… I told him… It was like being at the Fun house at the circus… Where the music is too loud, and the floors are kind of crooked, and the mirrors are distorted.

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@dianereynolds9835 wow. Perfect analogy

[@1010QUEEN7]

You were in my house and I didn't see you I swear to it

[@moonstone4684]

@@1010QUEEN7 Because there's a narc handbook they all studied, and they all act the same way 😂 They just want you silenced, devalued and confused. So naturally they can become the innocent victim. Of EVERYTHING. 🤮

[@MB-sg8dx]

Wow…..your example of him demanding you try to sing a song out of your range was so distressing! How demented and abusive! Im so sorry u experienced this, and so proud of you for using what you endured to help and heal others!

[@1010QUEEN7]

He really thinks he can sing smdh

[@oliviamiller9267]

When I asked my narcissist why he was angry he’d say “I know what you’re thinking”. He imagined entire situations where I was tricking him. If I fought, I was trying to escape discovery. If I didn’t fight, I was guilty and didn’t know what to say. The same argument every day.

[@msc8245]

Scary and delusional. Who knows what he could make up in his mind that could drive him to hurt you.

[@1010QUEEN7]

He loves to tell me what I'm thinking when he can't even figure out how to do shit himself smdh

[@robinchilds7492]

He had a bad accident and totaled his new truck. I told him not to go on the trip because I had a bad feeling. Later he blamed me for the accident and called me a witch.

[@andystreet4022]

Life as a Narcs spouse is like walking through a minefield with a box of grenades..........palpable anxiety ensues.

[@Hewillmakeawaytodayandforever]

This channel is one of the most insightful out there about narcissism.

[@writer1986]

When a narcissist talks they're not looking for a conversation, they're having a monologue--they only want to hear themselves. I worked at a small Jewish, private school for two years, and for two years my narcissistic MIL would pronounce the school name in her own way, because in her head she knows Yiddish (or other Jewish languages). That always annoyed me because no matter how many times I'd correct her, she'd hear something else not me.

[@lauraswanson6161]

Awful! My narc ex refused to help out around the house or with the kids, anytime I asked him to help with something he literally through a fit, yell at me saying something like "quit being a nag! You're not my mother!" Sometimes he would do what I asked but with anger and would do a half ass job. It took me awhile to catch on but once I realized he was just trying to scare me so I wouldn't ask him anymore, then I kept asking him anyways. 😂

[@KatWoodland]

Happy to hear he is your EX.

[@privacy9175]

Same here... Don't you just love it. These ppl will get a suprise when you get the Hell out of that.. ❤ Soon l hope.

[@Truthteller1s]

I sure don't miss that all day abuse channel.😂😂

[@karmela8371]

I have experienced everything you said..with my ex covert narc. That's why no contact is a must!

[@bexsolo369]

Just hearing this makes me feel so much hate, anger, and sadness. I put in 5 full years believing I was the problem. As soon as I started understanding narcissism, it all made sense... but sucked every ounce of optimism out of me. I've fucked up in my relationship several times and that's why I bought his bullshit. He is evil incarnate. Passed down from generation to generation

[@youngw1ze]

Trust your gut...

[@dianereynolds9835]

This was awesome. I saved this so that I could replay it again and probably again....and again 😂😂 Your ability to so accurately describe the situations of everyday life with a narc....and then pair that with the feelings, thoughts, and pain of the victim....the frustration, the skewed reality, and the anxiety and fear......🥺🥵makes this video worthy of an award. I was right there with you , experiencing those moments. Just know that your reward is the people for whom this level of clarity and thoroughness of awareness will never be reached....whatever the reason....and that you have thought it through for them and explained it from your heart so they can save themselves. Thank you...and BRAVO. I think this must be divinely inspired. You have certainly been a gift in my life. ❤

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Awww. Thank you. That’s so nice to hear.

[@jillfoley6834]

Yes, people don’t GET what you’re experiencing. They’ll just say, get another job, move on.😢

[@dawntreader815]

Well stated!!!

[@charlottemckenzie5259]

Sorry for all the little comments but I totally agree about it doesn't matter if they're a narcissist or not because we're not professionals most of us what matters is identifying the pattern of how they treat you and putting an end to it

[@ardent9422]

Great video, I watched it twice and took notes. My family treats me in all of these ways, the only exception is that I'm not confused because I know I'm dealing with narcissistic people.

[@recovering_potato]

More videos about narcissistic families would be awesome. When 2 parents are narcissistic the kids are wild

[@Kintsugi979]

This video brought me out of denial. Thank you. I'm free now. Going no contact this minute

[@lydiagibas114]

They are relentless.. really enjoyed this perspective. The fear hit every aspect of my life. I couldn't trust him at all. Ty! Your videos helped me so much.

[@charlottemckenzie5259]

Great video, I liked the part about how you are made to feel like you're in control about how the narcissist feels about you but you are really not in control and they could bring up some thing you might have done in the past because we're all human and we're not perfect and then they'll make you feel like that's the reason why they hate you now... And it can make you feel so guilty and so bad but you really don't have any control about the ups and downs of their disorder

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

I think your videos are fantastic. Thank you for the genuine effort that you’ve put in to helping people figure out this narcissism psychology fight 💎

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Thank you! And you’re welcome.

[@janicemurphy4373]

I can truly, truly appreciate what you are saying, I have experienced this so many times, and I am glad to say someone else know and understand my pain, thank Almighty God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@brightpage1020]

It’s not about the narcissist at a certain point - it’s about your relationship with yourself. The only reason it might be “your fault” is to recognize this reality and that you have agency - not to change them, but to change your positioning in their life, by putting distance between you two. They might be stubborn but who’s more stubborn if you stay? Knowing they’re a narc just helps realize this won’t change and helps you come around to the reality of the situation. Make your relationship with yourself as important to you as this one was and protect your relationship with yourself, your own self respect, your own value and worth paramount in your life, instead of trying to hunt for it by how you can effect theirs. Because you won’t effect their reality. That’s their work to do. Do your own. Keep your eyes on your own paper.

[@GSV845]

💯💯💯 irrational anger is a huge sign that you were dealing with one of these people. I remember being so confused, because like you said, I would do some thing that warranted anger, and in those instances, sometimes he didn’t react at all, or acted like it was funny then I would do some thing very minor and inconsequential, and I would see this eruption of irrational anger. That was scary. I lived with him for 21 years always hoping that it would get better and it never did. I finally had to divorce him after trying everything. I had a female counselor tell me that maybe I should try to do things that wouldn’t anger him….lol ok as if that was even a possibility! 😂

[@starrcrawford4792]

Wow. This was extremely helpful. I am just now starting to take back my life and accept that he will never change. I keep setting reminders to tell myself that i can not change him.

[@88freighttrain]

I have not listened to this in its entirety. However, I have lived through decades of abuse. Narcs genuinely, don't care what we think or feel. Simply, the victim does not matter. I always have to shock them with I love you and I care. The proof is you're still alive and not hospitalized. and we will not continue these acts. and I remove myself. Time & place do not matter. This is how my narc operates. I dealt with them from the early 60s. Being a Christian and marine on many levels enhanced my position. As a youngster/ adolescent, I competed in sports. Some of us went to professional. I say to family really I went to HS for a major in IT before they named it and I'm homeless? Our narc arranged it. I know I tick them off by rebounding into another global financial institution. But they're so brave they're densely ignorant. Bring charges against them to leave your children alone. Keep your PEACE. Keep your LIFE. This does help.

[@viviankang]

My partner would pick up all the " faults" in my language, then torture me with all the put downs and criticism. The more I explain myself the more abusive he usually becomes. In the end we completely miss the point of the conversation , and the comment that I made that drives him crazy was not even that important. This usually happens when I have an opinion about our relationship or I was trying to let him know that I don't like something he does. By the way, if my partner ask me to do something ( like what you said singing a song that is out of your vocal range), if i refused for whoever reasons, he would not be " mad" at me on the surface but to pressure me to do so. For example, he would say, "oh come on, you can do it." " don't be too uptight", " others women can do it, you can too if you put effort into it"...... He would keep pushing, try different ways to " encourage " me, but It always left me feel uncomfortable, i can't even put a word to discribe the feeling

[@BigRebel0802]

They don’t get joy from helping others. I believe they enjoy withholding help. They hate joy and goodness and development of others. Crazy 😜

[@susanparker9877]

My ex put me through the singing crap too. He fancied himself a music/voice teacher. He was hellbent on getting me to sing a grunge version of 'Hello Darkness My Old Friend' that was in a bass range. I'm a metso soprano! I was just home from church and that was his agenda! A song, that when sung in that dark, deep manner, is like a song about meeting up with the devil. I was deeply upset by the experience and believe it was his demon at work on me. I resisted and walked away, leaving the man ticked off at me for not trying.

[@1010QUEEN7]

He thinks he can sing and then tried 😢to tell me I can sing and I know I can't sing that's how crazy he is or he thinks I am smdh

[@SBecktacular]

I’ve heard the N say--(maybe not specifically to me but this is a pattern I’ve noticed) You’ll not intimidate me!! You’re just trying to get a rise out of me! You’re sadistic Some people are just evil I don’t trust you as far as I could throw you/him/her. Don’t put the pressure on! I cannot be rushed! Have you no empathy? I was entitled to it! And many many more

[@charlottemckenzie5259]

Yeah you feel like you're living in the Twilight zone they try to tell you who you are even though it's not the truth whatsoever it'll try to pay you like you're such a horrible person and you had no idea that they felt this way cuz you thought that they actually loved you and cared about you but they just were pretending they had a mask up. It is so creepy.

[@cecebackporch619]

You nailed it again!! Great video. Yes, this does help.

[@PassionateFlower]

He baits me to react to his mistreatment and uses my reactions to his advantage to make me feel like I'm mistreating him and that he is victim then he uses that as justification for why he feels I don't deserve proper treatment from him. This makes me feel sick to my stomach like I've spent too long on a carnival ride and can't get off. But he gets off the ride and walks away like nothing happened while my seat is stuck in the locked position with no end in sight tovthe dizzy sickness.

[@charlottemckenzie5259]

I've been told that I ask "mean questions" which made me feel extremely confused and like I was living in the Twilight zone

[@LN-jr6nj]

Talking to a TV is a wild but true 😂😂😂

[@scleo1959]

You reach right into me,and speak to my dreadful relationship with a narcissist. You have first hand insight and are able to relay it so well! Thank you❤

[@jenniferyates8100]

Spot on. How someone treats you, very important. Loved this video 💯👍. Your knowlege is so helpful. You may not be a professional, but understand the Narcsstic personality disorders so well. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You say it as it is. I can relate to everything you have said. I have recoverd now. All blessings to you. ⭐⭐

[@ianarn]

After she escalated her attacks on me while i was asleep to a very hard kick and then denying it! When questioned told not to tell my mother which for a 49 year old man is absurd i realised the childish mind i was dealing with that couldn’t bring herself to apologise or admit doing it but only cared about how she looked(and in doing so kinda told on herself!). I felt unsafe in her flat and left even though she threatened me that i could never return there. Her tantrum of an hour or so could have attracted Police or an escalation of violence which i would have to control somehow by force. She didn’t physically stop me going! It’s almost like she wanted the reverse discard to occur. I think with a narcissist every behaviour is exaggerated to its most extreme level. Say a regular woman wants to make her boyfriend jealous (which is not healthy) she might just engage in a conversation with a man in front of her boyfriend but she’ll take care to introduce her boyfriend as her boyfriend. The narcissist will have given another man such a suggestive glance and indicate that she’d like him to hold her hand while looking for your discomfort. Everything is more extreme with a narcissist! The flirtation will feel unsafe for you and her. She’ll often just run off and leave you with some stranger man whose really expecting to get something from your girlfriend. Whereas a regular woman will point out that she has a boyfriend and not be giving the stranger to heavy signals in their body language.

[@stellabella5269]

I really love your style, just subbed!

[@SheldonBrown567]

Always, to me, it’s the discounting of you, by kind of ignoring what you are saying.

[@anneboyle2240]

Yep, so horrible. Speaking to this person thinking they're actually interested because they are your husband but being completely ignored 😔 I used to say all the time, did you hear me. Yes he'd say and nothing else. Double whammy 😢😢

[@SheldonBrown567]

@@anneboyle2240 I know the feeling all too well. I married a narcissist as well. On the upside, I believe everything happens for a reason. I love Jesus, and believe He can use all things for our benefit. I’m sorry we had to go through this stuff, but it will serve us well, some how, some way. Trust me

[@SheldonBrown567]

@@anneboyle2240My ex wife was that way too.

[@brightpage1020]

Love that this brings the focus back onto the person experiencing this, less on the narc or the narc'behavior. Love that this encourages us to check in with our own feelings and refocusing off the person we can't control to listen to the one in the power position of our lives: ourself.

[@anneprocopio8519]

Another thoroughly excellent presentation. Much appreciated.

[@brightpage1020]

Talking to the TV... Oh my... 😂 It'funny because it's true.

[@joshuamutombo4927]

They come a long with dark energy to poison beautiful souls. The day she moved into my house, I could feel my entire body shaking, extremely sad worried too much exhausted family and friends avoided me thinking I was crazy 🤪

[@victoryamartin9773]

Same here. The day they moved in I felt dread over how they would take over the house and make my life miserable. And I had believed they were my best friends. Sure enough, 6 months later I'm living my nightmare, and I can't get them to leave.

[@MENTALHEALTHWITHLUKE]

Without a doubt, the biggest feeling was constantly being made to feel like 💩. If you're happy, they'll quickly make you feel like 💩. Clean the whole house and cook you're made to feel like 💩. Buy them something nice you're made to feel like 💩 In fact, it's not a relationship at all. It's a relation💩

[@rubybegonia7052]

It’s not even a relation, it’s an attempt at.

[@alicemcduff3416]

Every word you said I experienced! Excellent video again, thank you!!

[@dottyp137]

Right on point 👍🏻. I’m sure I’m not the only one thinking EXACTLY 😁. Thank you for the validation goes a long way 😘. I have an idea for a video for you. R Grannon said it in a short and I was like YES! So maybe you could expand on it ( I don’t know if that’s possible but thought I’d suggest it). You are the moral backbone of the entire relationship. You are held to the highest standards AT ALL TIME, the narcissist…. NEVER. Thanks again 😘 take care

[@demifull4339]

Just wanted to say thank you for your videos.

[@TamaraGee-qi3uq]

I love your content so much! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us❤

[@Eyeshaveit]

I was married to a narcissist for 35 years. Now I'm dating a guy that may be a narc. Not a bad one like my ex. But has some narc red flags. It was a really bad relationship in the beginning. But got better. But doesn't respect some boundaries. Caught him lying lots of times. But also has great things he does. The worst thing he did was ruin my birthday. So I just take it day by day. He lives with me in my house.

[@jessluck6583]

The thermostat! Yep.

[@chocolatepooh4723]

How can this be true what your saying!! This is exactly what I’ve experienced 😮WOW!!!!

[@anewbeinging6115]

Thank you for sharing. This is what I told my husband, it's how you treat me not if I still love you. This is my confirmation that I was spot on. Thanks again

[@rajendranarace9294]

I went for my test came back correct no problems

[@probrickieexclusive]

Brilliant.

[@grace692]

Thank you so much for these videos. Challenging days need these realities you describe and explain so well.

[@KleeKaiBreeders]

Excellent video!!!

[@shinesobrightforever4863]

Were we dating the same guy ? Was his name Brandon ? He would do the same thing with songs !!! He would have me singing male songs when I’m a soprano and would never let me sing what I wanted ! Also his eyes would go black as well. I really hope you see this comment my eyes are filled with tears bc at the very least it confirms more so what he is as we had an identical experience

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Not Brandon. But pretty amazing that something so similar happened to you with a completely different person.

[@susannt]

Thank you ❤❤❤❤

[@JohnSzwed327]

I remember the first and really only time I remember seeing a definitive smirk which I thought was the strangest look was actually while we were being intimate which I like to this day. Find to be a very interesting time for which I would’ve seen a smirk from her does anybody have any thoughts on that

[@NarrelleChain]

I have cut off one npd sister but the other one is even more malevolent, she needs to go to, i got off phone yesterday and the feeling of pure malevolence was palpable, this one is a psycho, they both are really but why am i talking to this hateful thing, evil 😈 is a good word and this one makes me agraid whereas the other one makes ,e feel ashamed, 😂its just lovely isn't it, i think i'm a bit too outspoken for this lot!

[@wendyelliott6828]

So helpful!!

[@rajendranarace9294]

After 15 years she discard the relationship and left

[@charlottemckenzie5259]

Also you might have a smear campaign brought against you if you try to work a problem out like what happened to me at my kids school the whole PTA and all the school staff thought I was a problem because I was trying to make sure that my child wasn't given free chocolate milk several times a day because he has ADHD. Basically no one would answer my emails and then I ended up getting a little bit assertive with the food administrator over an email and then no one at the school would speak to me ever again and treat me like garbage

[@casperinsight3524]

You were allowed to ask questions? 😮

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

You’re always allowed to ask questions until you learn what happens when you do.

[@foxiefair123]

Oh, it’s the newlywed! 😀💕

[@rajendranarace9294]

My wife told me that IAM are narcissist but my maths is correct

[@remembermyname718]

👏

[@darleenmcbride8900]

👌💪🙏🇺🇲

[@alisaortiz6196]

Is it common for a narc to drug you pretty sure my narc ex did that to me at least twice

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

I would say if someone drugged you, there’s a good chance that they are narcissistic, but I wouldn’t say that that’s a common thing for narcissists to do. A lot of them would either see no reason to or would be too concerned with the possible consequences.

[@anneevmorales8928]

Excellent video. You bottomed lined it well ! ❤

[@ThisIsMe155]

V interesting and realistic video. V well articulated! You are spot-on! V Well Done ❤💯🙏!! Narcissists are self-serving, authoritarian, power-deranged, entitled, self-righteous, minimising, gaslighting, domineering, judgmental, unempathic, impatient, impulsive, ambivalent, inconsistent, confusing, angry, deluded, irrational, unreflective, unenlightened, unfair, cold and often cruel +++ (abusive) human beings. 💔