The Gay Community Can Be So CRUEL

[@paulgollum1]

It's a real shame there aren't more grounded, articulate, and compassionate men like you in the gay world.

[@ediorfitzgerald1478]

I could say the exact same thing about the straight world. Gay people don’t mass murder people or incite an insurrection at our nation’s Capitol. Clean up your own community before disparaging someone else’s.

[@stevie9028]

The standards and expectations are so unrealistic. So hard to find someone normal to be with.

[@rickyestevez4698]

That level of superficiality strikes me as a form of arrested development. It's like the worse high school clique you can imagine, that judges you by the clothes you wear, how attractive and desirable you are, the kind of hairstyle your have, the shoes you parade in, the people you associate with and the car you drive and simply transport them into an adult setting. That kind of shallowness might be somewhat expected at 20 but when your 30, you're just a child in a grown person's body. Steer very clear of people like that. They have absolutely nothing to offer that will enrich your life.

[@PRSINPSCA]

You're absolutely correct. And so many gay men wonder why their single and lonely. Too superficial

[@1aikane]

Those of us who are single is because we can't find guys who are not acting like this

[@Krishicher]

17 when AIDS became national news. Gay men were terrified. AIDS often led to muscle wasting so that thin guys looked like a health threat. Although I never contracted HIV, I was 6’2” and 145 lbs. In Atlanta at clubs and bars men were blunt. “No pecs, no sex.” Weight training yielded very little improvement. This was way before Meet Up or even being out at work. My only venue to meet men was the very sexualized bars. From coming out to friends at 18 in 1984 to 1998, I had sex (not intercourse) only once at a cruisy gay motel in Orlando (1991). Since the gatekeepers for making friends were at the bars, I had no community to help me meet friends or boyfriends. By 1998 drug cocktails were beginning for HIV, attitudes toward skinny were evolving, and I had Internet. I had two meetings that resulted in a few dates and (again) no intercourse sex. My looks were like a 5, so I still wasn’t able to fall back on that. I saw straight coworkers who were unattractive, dumpy, and unpleasant meet their mates, get married, and have kids. It really felt like a nice, educated gay man who didn’t have abs or a Tom Cruise face was doomed to loneliness, self loathing, and a thing similar to INCEL since I tried and tried to meet men. I’m 59 now and I have given up. I would have preferred to have made a meaningful emotional and physical connection before hair loss and forced early retirement.

[@sonnysideup570]

Everybody has preferences My relationship lasted 36 years Lost my life partner to cancer 😢 We cared for each other very much I took care of my partner in our home until he passed away Happy Trails From my home in Texas

[@daveyboy7964]

Sorry for your loss. Take care.

[@1aikane]

A rare exception. Happy for you! So sorry for your loss

[@Derek-Adams]

As a gay man, I agree our community can be cruel toward each other regarding looks and weight. But these attitudes are not restricted to only the gay community. My friendships run the spectrum. Have you ever been out with a group of straight, single men and hear the way they talk about women? Have you ever been out with a bunch of single women? VICIOUS! Let’s not martyr ourselves in thinking we’re victims of our own kind; it’s every where!

[@Kenneth-p6j]

I agree...I think he should have mentioned that in his video. In this world you have good and bad and sexual orienation has nothing to do whether a person is mean or not.

[@Michael-ur5qb]

I think that is true but the gay community goes out of its way to portray acceptance and inclusivity to the point of preaching. It makes it worse because people come into the community and spaces expecting to be more accepted.

[@edwardnashen5960]

He's so nice and so right. Thank you for opening this up. There is a lot of judgement and cruelty in the gay community. Always made me feel like I don't fit in. Many times, straight men have been kinder to me. A conundrum.

[@TMendocino]

Getting our rights was a double-edged sword. Back in the 1970's, 1980's and early 1990's, we were united in a common fight against AIDS and for our RIGHTS. It was a community, where we protected each other, where we brought our brothers in who had been shunned by family, we had a common cause. The pressure to look good was always there, but we were not cruel to each other. These are difficult times, we are again in danger of losing our rights, our healthcare, our marriages. Your looks and likes on social media are the least of things the community has worry about. We all have a lot to lose, Young, Old, Gay, Lesbian, Bi and Trans. Being young is fun straight or gay, but with each passing year, with each grain of sand in the hour glass, your body will betray you, wrinkles will appear, only friendships endure. I certainly don't look like the hot Weho queen, I once was. But what has endured are my friendships. Some of which are 40 years and going. I hope we find our way back! We have taken our rights for granted, giving into the superficial. In the meantime we are 30 days away from our lives having profound change if Donald J Trump is able to install Project 2025. Sober up, get united and start adulting! The Pink Triangle - learn about it and remember NEVER FORGET! Florida is the home of South Miami, Gianni Versace, the location for the movie La Cage a Faux, a gay mecca, where beautiful men, circuit parties, tanned and carefree thought the party would never end! We gentrified South Florida, it was a crap hole until we moved there. -Extreme Gender Affirming Care Ban (SB 254) -Don't Say LGBTQ+ Expansion Bill (SB 1320) -Anti-Trans Bathroom Bill (HB 1521) -“License to Discriminate” Healthcare Bill (SB 1580) -Preemption bill (SB 170): SB 170 is an effort to discourage cities from passing non-discrimination ordinances by raising the barriers to proposing ordinances and making it easier to challenge ordinances in court. -Florida’s legislature also passed a memorial statement (S.M. 1382) opposing LGBTQ+ service members, unconscious bias training, and ‘woke’ policies in the military, which do not need the governor’s signature. We all need to forget how pretty we are and get to work holding on to our RIGHTS! That will unite the 60 year old successful gay couple in Tiburon California, to the rural LGBT+ in the Red States and to the Young Hot Party Queens in Florida, Weho and Fire Island. Because Trump will affect us all across the board! Get involved, make enduring friendships in the fight for rights not for sex. We have 30 days left until the election. Put down the meth pipe, let the self tanner be, stop swiping on grinder, stop dishing the gurls as they walk in the door and think about what is about to happen to us all! UNITE be a Community!

[@RickopotamusRocks]

I highly recommend "The Velvet Rage," by Dr. Alan Downs. I am listening to the audiobook. It's about the specific trauma that gay men experience from our world and how we end up treating each other because of it. It's been so eye opening. It's been great because it's helped me see I am on the road to healing. The saddest part is realizing that a huge part of the community have these problems and are not taking any steps to deal with them because they are stuck in the cycle of chasing temporary validation.

[@SimonSayez-kz5tu]

When I came out many moons ago (sorry I looked like you) I had lived a straight life and was dumb and naive as a rock, and had no idea there were various sub groups within the gay world. Never could I have known or imagined there were masculine men who liked, twinks, pretty boys, or liked drag queens, or bears, or daddies, or other masculine males or virgins or those into pain etc. I never believed there were gay predators because I felt safe being around others "like myself." Wrong. I learned a painful lesson and want to warn others that the old adage is true.: You cannot tell a book by it's cover. Be careful and never give your heart to anyone unless you are absolutely sure or you may regret that for the rest of your life.

[@Skorion69]

Gay men almost universally substitute sex for intimacy, which is unfortunately leaves one feeling so empty and unfulfilled.

[@dante6985]

It's not unheard of amongst women either tbh.

[@Seabasstien]

Great compassionate podcast Dylan Thanks 😊

[@Valentine847]

A plant has a flower, wich turns into a delicious fruit, wich decays into death and turns into soil, wich drops a seed, wich creates a sapling from the soil, that grows into a plant. That is life. The flower is the most attractive moment of life. The "community" (wich doesn't exist) has a culture wich fights for queer hedonism, while ignoring or even rejecting all other values of the circle..... it alone can't complete this circle, only sanity and reason can. The community and queer culture is not build for the charity of the "ugly" nor does it care for the elderly or family values. It only strives for the "beauty" of hedonism and freedom, the moment where the plant gives a flower.

[@Jimmerca]

People apparently have not heard the old saying, if you don’t have something good to say, don’t say it✌🏻

[@nichill7474]

Haha, yeah and in the queer community if you have something cruel to say, say it.

[@dubon9999]

We Gay men, united are stronger 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🧿🧿🧿✝️✝️✝️🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠

[@giftedsun]

Your heart is in the right place. That is obvious. Yet, even when you say that we all have a type, you already have left behind what a person has to share and entered the realms of lookism. The issue isn't gay, it's men. Without the pressure of having to "conform" their appetites to be with somebody, like a straight man has to do to be with a good woman ( will she be a good mother, societal norms on how they must behave etc.) So, we might be outliers, but we use that distinction to often shut off the emotions, and settle for the motions of connection. And, you don't have to be 75 yrs old to be voted off the island. That starts at a 40 or even earlier. You will slowly fade into invisibility--- even to younger straight people too. And you will find few your age to consort with as yiu get older. They are either married to other men, on the dl, or still trying skinny jeans and hair dye and protein powder and trips to the gym to get catch a young one. Many move or retire to Latin America or Asia so thst their money will buy the company. They hope it's love, but they'll be paying; sometimes to upkeep the young guy's family.Often, in poorer countries, it's the only way they see to even survive. And they will still be screwing hotter, younger guys on the side--- or milking another Daddy at the same time. Or you can be somebody's daddy here. Just remember, thst eill include their Daddy issues. If you make it to my age without a partner, you're probably gonna stsy thst way. But don't become one of those bitchy old queens, and if you do, you were most likely a young bitchy queen anyways. And I was a very popular boy.

[@terrystrahl6006]

You are "200 % Correct" I have experienced this for a long time with Gay people, it's ALL about looks sadly !! Nice to hear the truth Dylan good for you ))

[@jeffschueler1182]

The life cycle of a gay man is thus: Young and attractive for about three decades then looks begin to fade, then anxiety sets in and nobody looks at them anymore.

[@kanelowrey5172]

Love your accent Dylan, a Southern drawl is 👌

[@dubon9999]

We Gay men are always allies and friends, never competition or enemies 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🧿🧿🧿✝️✝️✝️🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠

[@travis_fallen5534]

I completely agree with what you’re saying. I’ve noticed this behavior used towards me by other men and sometimes have unfortunately been the perpetrator of it when I was younger before I matured emotionally. I hope the community can learn from it and we can do better and be more kind and accepting of everyone. There’s so much trauma in the community that we have experienced and we need be a safe space for each other. So thank you for being such a positive light and a motivator ❤

[@BrianQuiring]

Thanks for the thoughts. "Anatomical over focus" is a term that could apply to a certain segment of the gay community. If you look like a GQ cover, you're 95% there already. The shallowness of just focussing on the outside is unfortunate, because getting to know what's on the inside is much more important. I've been guilty of that "sin" as a younger man, but now I have ceased to treat people as a "piece of meat", and look for the inner qualities that I SHOULD be looking for.

[@TheBee87bee]

Wise words❤

[@FriendofDorothy]

good one, and you're right!

[@BigBadJerryRogers]

That's because most younger people are in fact immature. Shocking, right?

[@RRoma-h8c]

Hey Dylan, I’m an LGBTQ+ psychotherapist who shares similar spiritual beliefs and views on the LGBTQ+ Community. I do a lot of couples work, and always approach these topics with unconditional positive regard, non judgment and understanding, but it is sad to see the deep pain resulting from the shallow and oftentimes transactional behaviors. The problems are that hurt people, will turn around and hurt other people. Until we identify and address our core wounds in the LGBTQ+ Community, these pains will continue to perpetuate themselves. Would love to do a collab with you sometime. Feel free to hit me up, and thank you for sharing your Wisdom with us! ❤

[@BigBadJerryRogers]

I think a lot of it stems from the fact that a community based entirely around sexual orientation and much of the time, no other commonality is inevitably going to have a lot of clashing because that's not enough.

[@RRoma-h8c]

@@BigBadJerryRogers I think keeping it authentic with yourself, regardless of what other people think, is key to finding happiness. You will turn off those people who you don’t vibe with, and you’ll start to attract people they can help you grow and flourish - and it’s a two way street. When you vibe with someone on a body-mind-spirit level, you will have the best sex ever!!! But, to each their own. If you’re gay and not happy, ask the big life questions, get to the bottom of why you don’t feel fulfilled …. The Universe will send people your way; gay, straight or whoever. And, you can decided for yourself how you want to live your life and who you want to me. I see too many guys in my office who are afraid to be themselves, and they want to ‘fit in.’ Fitting in is great, until it’s not. If you’re twisting yourself like a pretzel to be accepted by someone or a Community, find other people who you vibe with … I am not saying it’s easy, but it’s possible. Peace, Brother! 🫶

[@TomMorrison-cc6xw]

One reason I ALWAYS respected the Leather Community was that (in the 70s & 80s, & early 90s, at least) they were not like that. Was there a hierarchy based on looks/size/etc? Sure there was. BUT even rejection was couched in kind, positive talk. NO OTHER community was as hard-working during the crisis -- not just fundraising, but taking guys in, medical management, legal assistance, even spiritual help to those who wanted it. The only question I was ever asked by the Leathermen was, "what does he need?" Quickly followed with, "where can I get ahold of him?" I can't swear this is still true. That was DC, & I left there in late 90s, but to show that level of caring in an environment that was notoriously cut-throat, has been one of the joys of my life. I didn't begin as one of them, but TWICE they went above and beyond for those I was caring for. I soon shyly asked if I could join a club & was cheerily mentored through the process. So, Dylan, I've seen both sides of our gay coin -- the shallow, looks-focused side; but also the strong, supportive side. These guys are out there, it just takes effort to find them.

[@BigBadJerryRogers]

@@TomMorrison-cc6xw the leather community is really about an anything goes attitude and they are definitely the most relaxed and welcoming, that's true. Having spent a lot of time there over the years though, for the most part there is a type and a look that is stereotypical just like any other gay clique. If you don't fit into that or if that's not your preference you're still going to feel unfulfilled being a part of that. I like going to the Eagle once in a while or things like the Folsom street festival but that's about it.

[@kevinkunzmann8782]

RUN from negative people

[@TomHaberthaler]

Hi. I'm 63. Your videos really make sense to me. You hit it on the head. Thank you. I've had a lot of one night stands through life and a few longer term relationships. All ended in a disastrous way. Well I got sex but I feel I would have had some love. Too much hit and run sex and too little real love like hugging, holding and rocking. Well at my age, not likely I'll take an HIV or STD risk again. Staying celibate and retired from it. I'm lucky and blessed not to have become HIV positive. I thank God for that. I hoped for love and friendship all through life. But that just turned out to be like the story of the emperor's clothing. It wasn't there. Spiritual love for others and love with the heart is real love. Sex is just sex and pretty darn risky on both sides of the fence. Celibate is safe.

[@kernow9324]

Tom, I read your post and thought I'd written it myself! I can relate to most of it.

[@ibnenkigalileo9256]

So can I

[@Erin-Thor]

I agree with 99% of what you said, and I e been on both sides, when I was young I attracted people who just wanted me because of my looks, as I aged I’ve been the brunt of rude comments. For me, I appreciate honesty. I’d much rather be told I’m too old, too whatever, than be misled. It’s better to know than not know. 😊

[@Kenneth-p6j]

Dylan thank you for your videos we appreciate you and your information. ❤

[@nalandatendar4212]

People can be indeed mean and with prejudice, but it is not only in the gay community. Your life experience and reflection on it is interesting. Loneliness is a big problem for many, many people, especially the elderly. Your advice on trying to be oneself, think over what you want, who you want to be yourself and who you want to be with is mature and valuable. All my experiences brought me at the end back to religion (Buddhism), and I am happy not to be focused anymore on relationships but do studies, meditation and try to bring the good heart into practice (and serve others instead of searching my own fulfilments). You appear to be very considerate and sincere, the world could use more people like you.

[@danielcambra3270]

You have a pleasantly soft voice. I could listen to you even if I didn’t agree with what you’re saying. But, in truth I do agree and enjoy your phrasing of mature, difficult topics. Thank you.

[@drhacknslashzombietimelord6768]

I first walked into gay community in 1995, after my personal coming out. I permanently walked away from the gay community, with the occasional bar visit exception, in 2002. This was in Austin. I've never had the coveted six pack. I've always had the keg. I've never gone to the bars for potential dates. Just for the drink and and the entertainment. I had good relationships with the head bartenders at a couple of the major bars there, first, for the fact that I was probably one of very few customers that didn't hit on them, and grope/try to grope them, never tried to get free/discounted drinks, and always said please and thank you and tipped decently when ordering. Also, through coincidence, they became regular customers of mine as they would always come into my restaurant after closing, and usually ended up in my section as I usually worked the smoking section, so we ended up having friendly rapport with each other. One of the bars I went to was at the time, very notorious for it's "pretty boy/stand and model" culture, and some customers, and one of the bar staff would actually physically "escort" out any customer that did not meat their own personal standards. The head bartender didn't know it was actually going on until a few days after it happened to me, he was informed by a regular customer who saw it, and ended up firing the bartender, permanently banning and criminally trespassing the customers for doing it, and threatened to blacklist any other customers who do that from all the bars in the central Texas area, and as many as they could in the rest of the state, as this was in the 90's and 2000's, and, at least back then, were more of a family network. The other bar I was a regular at was called Charlie's. It was the flagship gay bar in Austin, from what I heard, but I had to stop going there because the owner decided to close it and retire after 30 years. How rude and offensive. 😅. Going to admit, I'm picky on looks, so, I won't even consider a hook-up with someone I'm not attracted to. However, they also have to meet my personality and intelligence standards. And, I don't have anything to do with because the majority of them are rude, disrespectful, judgemental, and dismissive, and since I don't look like the "right type of gay", I get told I am too ugly to have a place in the community. And nowadays, it seems that a large part of the community is constantly competing in the discrimination and oppression Olympics, and turning any slight they can into a hate crime, or at least trying to, up to including get turned down by a straight guy they tried to hook up with, because somehow a guy who won't date them because he likes women are homophobic, yet it's also homophobic to try to get a gay guy to be with a woman, and/or a lesbian woman to be with a man. They've gone so far off the rails that I don't feel safe around the community. Because of that, yeah, I wouldn't meet you at any LGBTQ events, however, I do have a feeling I would meet you at some kind of fan convention, because I'm assuming, and I don't think I'm wrong, that you're a nerd, like me, and that we might have at least a couple fandoms in common, so, you're someone I would definitely want to hang with. However, you are in my opinion, attractive on ALL levels, not just looks. That said, if I met you at an LGBTQ function, I wouldn't talk to you because any guy I meet that I'm actually interested in, I actually am too afraid to talk to and usually runaway in the other direction. Sorry for the verbal diarrhea. I know return you to your previously scheduled comment thread.

[@maestroCanuck]

I hope you don’t mind me saying that I think you are beautiful, not only on the outside but what you are saying and thinking. You are on the right road, stay on it. And, yes, this community is way too into outward appearances, body image. Looks are not that important, what is inside is what counts. Preferences are simply that, but sometimes you can find a real gem when you look beyond your preferences and look beyond the outward appearance.

[@invidusspectator3920]

People are cruel and superficial in general, so taking it personal in the gay community is not smart for anyone 😅 I know we all want to belong and expect the gays to be better people, but that's really not the case. If anything people that are marginalized often have more issues and cruelty, due to insecurity that they have to get over. Not many get there, so it's better for us not to take it personally. But I agree it's rough, especially as a young person trying to find yourself.

[@am143-g1m]

exacly!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@BigBadJerryRogers]

It really helps if you don't need to be a part of a tribe and are ok with doing things solo. People for the most part are tribal.

[@justinmarten3224]

if you are not good looking,have an awesome body,and are over 30,then you are rejected,it's all based on sex and looks,it's a waste of time in this ridiculous lifestyle

[@dennis-qu7bs]

Interesting series on Netflix called "Ugly". About thinking pretty is superior.

[@dieselgav]

I stopped caring about all this shit well over a decade ago. Stay single. Enjoy life. Stay sane. You don't need the drama, mate.

[@markw1london1]

I totally agree with you, sometimes the GAY Community can be its own worst enemy. There are good people out there, don’t get me wrong but as I have gotten older I have dealt with some really unkind comments. I find the Apps we use make us feel even worse. Keep shining your light, you are an extremely smart and enlightened guy. Great video.

[@normapadro420]

Prejudice exists everywhere. If you don't look a certain way you don't fit in. It's that not many people are talking about it. I never fitted in anywhere. So I dedicared myself to education, art, music, photography, and writing. My advice to anyone that feels that they can't fit anywhere is this. Move on in life. Do your own thing. Things will still happen, and you will be happy anyway.

[@joegabuzda976]

You R one of the most insightful, intelligent , inspiring young men I have ever seen or heard. EVERY young gay man should listen to your videos. You have gone through so much and have come out stronger for it. Your life hasn't been destroyed by it, it has been enhanced and strengthened by it. You are a remarkable man Dylan. God continues to bless you.

[@aidenfreedom]

Dylan, love you for being way beyond your years in your insights. You are so right, to grow in ourselves in our life experiences and be the best human we can be, time permitting. Bless you man. namaste 🙏

[@1pelicanmarsh]

many good points. I think im in that category of staying single as at my age im no longer in the mainstream of looks, and if theres not the mental/congnition compatibility, im out. Im not interested in the superficial stuff as for me I see it as a waste of time. you seem to have yoru head on your shoulders and I admire that in you

[@rdo1231]

Very true. The lesson (I think) is to rise above the garbage and the noise. Surround yourself with good people - people who are grounded, mature, empathetic, and comfortable with themselves (gay, straight or whatever). As a marginalized group already, gay men can often turn up the pressure with impossible-to-attain expectations, creating an “us against them” mentality that only marginalizes us further. Very toxic mindset. We should be more inclusive and brotherly, and by doing so, we broadcast our unity and strength to the wider world. In other words, be yourself and f**ck the haters.

[@LewisAllsebrook]

I love how emotionally centred you are. Where I am from it’s really normal to talk ironically or sarcastically, and it’s finding humour in the way people react that’s all part of it (which is okay if you bring people into the joke). It’s really nice how you put away all the jibes and act warmly and genuinely, you’re certainly an upstanding gentleman. Remember though, people are multi faceted and complicated, as awful as it sounds it can be fun to engage with someone’s mean side. ❤

[@Contessa6363]

Unfortunately,no matter what community you are in be it gay or straight, you will run into Narcissists. Many of these bullying behaviors can be traced back to that personality disorder. Once you learn to recognize these traits you can keep these people from entering your life! Peace ✌️✌️🕊️🕊️

[@kevindahlenburg2528]

Great video. My husband and I both came out in our 40s and most of the community was very indifferent to us. We are pushing 60 now and have no involvement with the community at all. There is an ick factor about the way the majority of the community behaves and we are better off with it.

[@juantime9616]

📣 The "trans" ruined it. 🤢

[@Pisti846]

You are right that it takes more than looks to sustain a relationship, but the thing is people like what they like. On the other hand, no one should bad mouth another, if you aren't interested just be nice and move on.

[@1aikane]

But who is good enough? Nobody. Who is good enough will only be good enough for 5 min

[@sazude2]

This comment just kinda sounds gross to me

[@dannysimion]

Yup have to agree with you there. Very small percentage of the community have genuine and honestly good hearted people but other than that a big chunk just representatives a whole spectrum of communities and individual with detestable, immoral and off the radar personalities and agenda that makes it impossible to make connections with one another. Glad you're shedding light on this and being honest about it.

[@REALAlexCardinale2024]

Dylan, I must say you are very handsome and very smart! Much love and respect man!

[@RELIUSCLOVER03]

In school I was bullied for being gay. Everyone knew I was gay before I even knew I was gay. Even at home. I had a few online gay friends only who saved me from doing anything to myself. As I got older I thought I would meet more people like me and we would be able to be friends. Little did I know. A lot of people hate skinny white gay twinks. Simply because I’m a white gay guy and I’m skinny. I would get attacked for it. And I’m also the quiet one I never speak unless spoken too because of all the harassment and bullying I got in the past for having such a gay voice. But no these other gays will call you a privileged white boy just for being white. Meanwhile I lived in a tent with my drug addicted parents who went to prison every month for years and I would have to live with different family members constantly and get bullied by all for not following Jesus way of living and mating with females. Anyway. I remember how I would just exist and be made fun of. No offense to anyone. This is just coming from personal experience when I was 18. I was looking for a boyfriend to spend my life with. Little did I know anyone who was bigger than me would straight up call me names like twig or say they don’t talk to white twinks and block me….. like it’s so bad I just completely got rid of all social media because all I have to do is exist and I’ll be bullied. So can be bullied if you don’t exist.

[@KenGifford]

I love what you have to say! Gay men are so cruel to each other, always have been... I've been around for over 50 years (vanity prevents me from saying exactly how many years lol) and I've seen it for all these years. Of course when you get old.... then it's slice, slice, slice from the young ones.

[@spencermarkham1]

All are equal but some are more equal than others - George Orwell

[@fredsmith3456]

Yes, true about looks and how that is paramount in the gay community.

[@strafrag1]

Yes, Dylan. I am a gay senior now and the superficiality has always bothered me as well. It makes our people (male gays) seem so petty and concerned with the wrong things in life. Cheers.

[@davidmolina7543]

You are wise beyond your age, this coming from a seventy years old.😊

[@InsatiableBankable37]

Sounds all too real, I can for sure relate to that omg

[@johngolden891]

Great video, Dylan. Kindness is an underrated virtue in the USA today.

[@geovanniinusa5973]

Such a refreshing viewpoint. How did you get to be so smart? You are wise beyond your years.

[@TheBodiesInTheWaterBeckons]

I'm ugly and a 31 y/o virgin. I gave up on trying to lose it. The superficiality of it all, made me want to just watch on the side as life goes by. It will happen when it happen and if it won't happen in this life, then it simply won't. In the end we all ended up as fertilizers for the earth to recycle. I'm questioning. If it's even worth it to find love? There's meet, then there's depart. Nothing lasts. So, would i want to experience the "depart" in the first place? Is the overall experience even worth it? My brain is saying no, but my heart is yearning for it. Idk what i want. So, all i can do is let it be. It's not like i have a say in it, in any way. If anyone's going to fall for a hideous creature like me, then it's must be a divine intervention and then i'll accept it with open arms. Meanwhile, i'll enjoy my loveless life through my hobbies.

[@JustinJohn-j4r]

I'm so glad you kept your accent and didn't affect that californidashian social media queeny flat unspeak. Hey do you, but authenticity is a real turn on.

[@Maleman24]

Well said Dylan!

[@markwaltz2768]

Love your candor, humor and informative content. 🤟

[@itskhaotic]

That's exactly why I distanced myself from the community in 2019. I came out in 2016, started dating... and quickly realized just how superficial and shallow people could be. I used to think those romcom montages of the main character going on terrible dates were just movie clichés-turns out, I lived it! 😂🤣😭 Plus, so many can’t even hold a proper conversation. All I really want is a good hiking buddy. We could start with Brokeback Mountain 😉😂. But honestly, I'm perfectly fine being single-I can't deal with all the drama, stress, and chaos within the community. In the words of Whitney Houston "I rather be alone than unhappy"

[@michaelwirick1849]

I agree with everything you're saying about the gay community and their superficiality. I know that not all gay men are like that Bcause of the mentality of so many gay men ( I'm not saying all gay men just to make that clear ) I've taken myself off of all the apps and have decided to give up dating on any online effort.

[@marksule0]

Dylan, you are a breath of fresh air. Thanks for being you! ❤

[@uspswill]

To 100% correct. I live by Palm springs and Coachella valley California. I don't engage too much in the gay community I have been to bars that supposedly have been neighborhood bars to get to know the people and there are nothing but snotty and rude people. I have friends from many walks of life gay and straight. And I tend to do most socializing at their homes or my home or at a regular restaurant. It's sad when you see especially older gays, which Coachella valley has a lot of and I am thankful that we are accepted here. But when you see them act hostile towards other people because of the way they look or dress, is very disappointing!

[@Cefshah]

You are making some very important points. 💙💙💙

[@patrickcarney9177]

There's a deep lack of wisdom in the gay community which results in harm. Hopefully this can change.

[@alainfitnessdoc4503]

thank you so much for that honest talk about on an issue that is very common in the gay community. I agree with you completely and I admire your mindset as such a young age. I hope you find someone special because you are very special and I wish more other people would think like you. Take care.

[@Drek-Moon9999]

I'm gay and mildly autistic (Asperger's syndrome) and often feel I'm seen as less than human amongst gay men.

[@Drek-Moon9999]

@MarikaAnnaVenczellak I know that but I can't force others to see it like that

[@TheBee87bee]

Certain streaming shows perpetuate the eternal youth syndrome we have in every culture. Whether society will change,not sure,but each individual can change.

[@OLDS98]

Thank you for expressing you thoughts. Sad but true. We do more to ourselves in the community than the outside world does to us. You brought up many valid points. I know and lived the things you shared. You stand in your truth and your videos can impact others. We have learned because of our experiences.

[@davidwoodford1814]

Thanks for sharing your insights. Marital fidelity is an heroic virtue. You have to put up a lot to have a good relationship. Virtue is important.

[@FriendofDorothy]

the majority of gay men are neither married nor in serious relationships.

[@dennis-qu7bs]

Say what you like, not who you hate.

[@InsatiableBankable37]

Thanks for putting that out there

[@nichill7474]

Truth. Everything you said is agree with. God bless you. You’re such a nice guy. Someone would be lucky to have you.

[@Teckno72]

Bald, heavy, other races, etc. There are people out there who love those “gifts.” Don’t let it get you down.

[@rutha1464]

Being "cruel "is about being human, NOT about being gay. I am so old, when I was your age there was no gay community. We had secret places to go to find sex partners where you prayed you would not be beat up, robbed, murdered or arrested. I have lived basically two lives, one in the straight community, one in the gay. From my perspective, you will nowhere on the planet find a kinder, gentler, friendlier, more helpful people than our people. What you struggle with is universal. All humans no matter your race, sexual orientation, or gender struggle with it. This too shall pass, beautiful boy.

[@jwb52z9]

I know not everyone can do it, but it is an advantage being able to fit in with one of the "groups". The whole problem of being mean can evaporate if/when you find the group in which you fit. Looks fade, but it's unavoidable. The good thing in all of it is that there are all kinds of gay and bi men. :) For a lot of the community, we do grow out of the vanity and the shallowness.

[@brickdabrick]

Yep. That’s why I don’t have many gay friends. Jealousy. Cruelty.

[@iworkout6912]

I think porno has a lot to do with this. Handsome guys of about 18-22 or so attract the most attention. Mostly as a sex object, and if you don't measure up, in most cases your rejected. Guys can spend their lives looking and looking. Some are lucky, but how long do those relationships last and the other person doesn't have the wholesome look they had at 20.

[@ndog2005]

Fact, esp here now in 80s, giving up on love............

[@Carl-x8y3c]

I remember years ago going to a gay bar and i got my drink . This guy approached me and asked if he could sit with me at a the table i was at. Because i was on my own i and he was i said yes. Anyway we got chatting and he said i was once obese. He had decided to change his body shape by joining a gym. He lost the weight and decided to keep at it by building a muscular physique. He said he woukd come into the bar when he was overweight and no one would talk to him. He got rejected. But since he has lost weight and built a good physique he gets alot of attention. He said to me that aome of the ones the rejected him were trying to connect with him. He called them shallow bitches. I think that sums up what the gay scene is mostly about.

[@williamgottlieb5706]

You remind me what I liked about the south, besides the word y'all, a cute southern guy !

[@MrJBest78]

I feel like some people in general just suck, it’s not exclusive to the lgbt 🏳️‍🌈 community. I work retail and I am out and about in public all the time and sometimes I just think that if people are going to be that dense, just do everyone a favour and just STAY HOME!!!!

[@MichMeister16]

As a straight woman, I can tell you there's many a straight man who wants an extremely young, plastic, or mega-fit woman. You know, BARBIE. So, SUPERFICIALITY abounds in every category, and yes, IT SUCKS.

[@raphaelpaulian]

fed up with those toxic messages, internalized homophobia is so creepy

[@mbelof57]

The NO PIC, NO CHAT code in dating sites/apps produces/stimulates shallow guys who value only visual aspects and are void of ideas or plans to share with another guy, upon which a relationship even a friendship one, could and should be based. But no. That's a very scarse prospect. Sadly, I must add.

[@EddieRobinson-sh1sp]

You nailed it bro 😉

[@DemonicasTarotPopup]

nobody gossip More. And boy was I surprised to find out that gay people can be racist.

[@FriendofDorothy]

not only racist, but " looks-ist, ageist, and size-ist...." Ask any of the following groups what their experience in the "gay community" is : Asians, the disabled, elder gay men, the obese, feminine men, black gay men, men with small peni-es, Hispanic gay men.... their answers and comments won't surprise you at all.

[@bemac71]

I've always enjoyed your channel and opinions, Dylan. You have ABSOLUTELY nothing to feel insecure about. You're a sweet soul and a genuine person. You're truly beautiful! 💕

[@jim9520]

Great video. Keep up the great work.

[@1aikane]

Agree. Like mean angry teenage girls. 😠

[@timothyj1966]

BINGO!!! Gay Community is the worst! Also labelling people into Top Bottom Bear, Cub,Twink... its all so STUPID!

[@BruceClemo]

Mean little bitches

[@Ameroff1982]

You seem like a genuinely nice guy. As well being very handsome and having a cute accent.

[@ajahildreth8378]

Hurt people hurt people.

[@michelrockp]

If you want to avoid shallow dates and hookups, the first step is realising you ain't gonna find Mr. Right on grindr or any of the swipe apps. Cause those are based on looks and the overwhelming number of users on them are looking for a short-term fix! The best way to find a genuine match is to go out and keep your eyes open while doing the things you love doing anyway. You love reading? How about going to the library or look for a bookclub or book review forum online. Do you like cooking? Maybe there's a cooking club somewhere near you. At least you then know for sure you have a topic you can talk about besides seks. 😊

[@shaunleonard3878]

Great message!!! 👍🏼

[@BlackWolf6420]

Love your accent ❤and some good thoughts there! 💯🫶🏳️‍🌈

[@tyron2854]

No, this is just life for everyone everywhere, its not a just a gay thing, but you need a title for a video, so lets just make more stereotypes of the gay 💁