The Hard Truth About Deciding to Have Kids or Not | Relationship Theory

[@VimbaiNenzou]

I knew I did not want to have kids at 6 and as a 34 year old married woman nothing has changed. Me and my husband are not having kids and its surprising how society thinks our actions are an attack on their choices.

[@ajohonly3721]

Girl enjoy your life it’s not all that 🤣 I’m tired of over here doing it

[@Cash_is_King727]

"Its surprising how society thinks our actions are an attack on their choices." I just got so many examples of this flashing through my mind.

[@Danity56]

Oh and don't forget people think your selfish if you don't want kids or chose an alternative route if you can't have kids. People (espically the elderly) are in peoples (more so womens) reproductive system way to much.

[@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382]

I don’t think it is

[@binaboop1]

SAAAAAME!

[@yp8053]

The only person that should be a parent, is a person that wants to be a parent.

[@jocular1910]

What if they already have kids?

[@godmode3611]

What a lame excuse to avoid responsibility

[@m_waaka]

I was about 12 when I decided I didn't want kids. I had no desire and no maternal instinct. My parents never pressured me into having kids, if they had I wouldn't of changed my mind. I'm 55 years and I'm so glad I chose this path. Life is great.

[@kthx1138]

I love my siblings' kids, but sometimes those kids ARE a challenge, and I'm glad I'm not responsible for them. Being their parent would bring out my anger. Their hyperactivity, their egos, their selfishness, their temper tantrums would grate on my nerves if full-time.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

My younger brother has cerebral palsy and an intellectual disability and I love him greatly but I don’t wish his or my suffering on other human beings except my worse enemy of course

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

Kids can ruin your life if you never wanted them, but for the ones that really want to become parents, kids is a blessing.

[@justpeachy4393]

I never wanted them, then I got surprised in 2016 with my son .. but I have to say looking back that I think having kids was the only thing that was going to teach me some things that I desperately needed to learn, so it definitely didn't ruin my life. Definitely changed the landscape in ways I don't always love but I think the overall net change was a positive one 😊

[@justpeachy4393]

@Devil's Logic true but I don't really care at this point 😂. Me personally anyway. I both wish I had been more careful in 2016 and am grateful things happened as they did... Those sentiments can exist simultaneously and I don't care if I'm judged ☺️

[@davidcooper4385]

A KID IS A LIFE TIME OF DEBT JUST LIKE A CAR PAYMENT OR MORTGAGE..NO THANK YOU.🎉

[@dominic6055]

Kids are not supposed to be a blessing for you, I know most women have no goals in life and have kids as a way to replenish their empty existance

[@justpeachy4393]

@@dominic6055 woah

[@mmt2310]

When my husband and I first got together we both agreed when we started having kids to put each other first. We saw a lot of our friends put the kids first and their relationship inevitability crumbled. My two cents.

[@jimboneutron8399]

Your kids should always come first, thats a no brainer. If that caused their relationship to crumble then they clearly got with the wrong person.

[@Wendel_Kos]

The problem discussing this, is that you never now how you are gonna feel later. A lot of people are affraid of beeing alone in the end, and think kids will help this. Plus kids can be really crazy fun, almost like a second youth. Its a hard choice. Money can also be important, and i believe where you are in world also greatly matters. In Amsterdam, where im from, i always got the feeling everybody hates kids, specially when going out. The opposite is Greece, where everybody loves kids and take them with them when going out in the evening. In Greece family is just a big thing. So if you are 40+ and want kids, come to Greece lol

[@mangos2125]

If you want second youth from having kids, I think there are many ways to get involved, for instance, be a volunteer at orphanage /church, frosting a kid, etc.

[@ms.nhardin4744]

NOTHING guarantees you not being alone in old age. Here in the United States, nursing homes are filled with people with children. What people don't think about is that your kids will have to survive too. Let's get real. For this generation coming up, water is not a guarantee...WATER! These babies in 20-30 years will have to meet their own basic needs and then we expect them to take care of us too? That, in my opinion, is selfish.

[@Buttonsbeauty]

You can’t have children for the purpose of caretaking at the end of your life. They have their own lives to pursue. We all have to figure our old age out. And we all die anyway.

[@Danity56]

Yeah having kids to not be alone is not a good reason. We are born one we die alone. Plus like someone says the same kids you get may not want to deal with you and put you in a home.

[@mastodonttix]

People get so defensive and start talking about having kids for caretakers, the point is, having kids and grandkids will give your life meaning and value, it's like a front row seat to a reality show until your last breath. Sure you can always say it's not guaranteed your kids want to be involved, but if you have many you will increase the odds. And i'd say the best reward for many is having little kids around in old age, if you remained childless that's not going to happen, and you´re probably not going to be doing all the cool stuff you did in your 40s either.

[@aviatrix007]

My mother was never shy about openly speaking about her regret of having children. I’d tell her that it’s too late and we felt she shouldn’t have chosen motherhood either but there was nothing we could do except hurry up, grow up, and move out. She got pressured by her mother…People sometimes do it to please their parents even though they rather not. It’s time people start minding their own wombs. I’m glad people are now talking about this.

[@aviatrix007]

@@Cocoisagordonsetter too many. Some people should clearly not have children. 😢

[@jesusmtz29]

What is wrong with you people

[@GoFlipBurgerK]

I really wish you both spoke more on how so much of having kids falls on women in hetero relationships. The only reason why I’ve decided to not plan on having kids is because I don’t think I will find a partner who will be a good father in my eyes. It’s more important to me that I bring kids into this world with proper support culturally (and statistically) I don’t feel like the burdens on my career, my life, etc will be shared equally no matter how choosy I am with a partner. That’s not to say men are at fault for this. It’s a cultural issue imo that most cultures share. Good fathers and equal partners are hard to find.

[@OLIAKOS]

good women are even harder to find.. most dont even know how to boil an egg these days and are more interested showing their ass on instagram then doing their womanly duties

[@nirashakannangara9901]

@relax feeling same here

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

HERE, HERE !!

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

I think that dynamic shows in their conversation actually

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

@@OLIAKOS You are in the wrong croud I dont have any female friends behaving like that.

[@lilamysticwoods]

I have to thank you guys so much for this kind of videos, especially Lisa's 😉 I'm 30 and my man and I recently made it official that we don't want kids (we've been together for over 13 years). When I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted kids, I was feeling a lot of pressure from people around me to say yes to motherhood. Now that my mind is made up I feel SO MUCH BETTER! Thank you for helping me make this choice and discussing its consequences. You are the best.

[@omowhanre]

Everything costs something. It's interesting hearing her talking about being able to witness her husband's growth a d milestones at work. That's how most parents feel about their child's milestones and growth.

[@Ak_11.22her]

that's the terrifying yet so liberating truth: it is just cultural programming! bingo! we don't have to play along! I sooo love Tom's approach: this is MY life! period.

[@renenetatm8222]

everything is cultural programming, what you just listened is also cultural programming. The right answer always comes from within.

[@realityobserver7521]

​@@renenetatm8222 So true!!!! We are born with an internal guidance system

[@jesusmtz29]

Then go to work naked see how it goes

[@noeneon9857]

Funny to think that we are always asked « what if you regret not having kids ? » and never « what if you regret HAVING THEM » ? If you don’t know if you want kids, you probably shouldn’t have any. And live a very happy life too.

[@LovelyDay11]

That’s because there’s a much much higher chance to regret not having them than having them. Regretting having them is very rare, the opposite not so.

[@TeezieMo]

@@LovelyDay11hmmm, as someone who works in the foster care and adoption world, I must say I do not believe this is true. There are thousands of neglected and abused children, born to people that regretted having them. Also, thousands of grandparents caring for children to keep them from being in a group home… this is world wide too, not just a Western issue.

[@rbt5785]

I don’t even want kids but cmon, you left out the most important part of those studies - yes people without kids are happier but those who have kids have a much higher sense of meaning in life. The real question is which do you care about most? Not an easy question to answer

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

Correct.

[@MiaAlex-q9s]

So many people without kids have meaningful lives, bud

[@julielisboa]

It’s definitely a personal decision , and we should not judge other’s people choices.

[@JVanProduction]

I had ( HAD being the operative word) an attention seeking friend like Tom mentioned towards the end of the video. She would constantly want to talk to me about the SAME problem but refused to fix her situation. I ended the friendship in 2014 and then we started talking again towards the end of 2020.. The problems were still the same! Literally, nothing changed. Friends aren't your therapists. We aren't being paid to hear the same issues over and over and over again. The biggest proponents of our lives is OURSELVES! If we want to make a change, then we have to be our OWN change. YOU have to make your own decisions for your life and decide on how YOU want it to look and the vision that YOU see and want for yourself. People can input their opinion all day long but (at the end of the day and at the end of your life) those decisions that you choose for yourself... it's all on YOU. Your friends and family aren't living your life for you. We aren't in charge of what your legacy will look like. That's your choice... The biggest advocate for my life is me. What do I want my life to look like? If I write my own biography , how would I like it to be presented with the facts and the truth? How do I want to leave this world? What's my future going to look like? Sorry, for the rant but I hope that it will help someone else with the questions that I had to ask myself.

[@cthornton523]

While I chose the child free option, and I'm wistful about it...it remains the best choice. I adopted tween boys in my late 40s. This was also a great choice. Because of this very clip I watched a year ago, the hubs and I had deep talks on how much of my time does he need? What does that look like? It's served us greatly.

[@Rimshathaesthete]

Because of impact theory you have added value to so many peoples lives , you made them better thinkers , better decision makers, better humans , better parents and better kids . Its no one’s business its ur personal decision to have kids or not, love you both regardless ❤️

[@seemad4126]

Very true I just love Tom and Lisa.

[@theboykingamon]

Y’all both inspire me to no end. I wish y’all the happiest and most fulfilled life.

[@jaclynh9343]

I'm so glad they are having such a thoughtful conversation about this. It demonstrates such self awareness + maturity.

[@jesusmtz29]

😂

[@gioc610]

Although I absolutely want to have kids, I really respect their decision not to. I mean these two people would be great parents if they decided to have kids and they clearly talk things through very well. So if you don’t want kids definitely do not have them. But also don’t let their decisions influence yours.

[@peaceoutshadia997]

My husband and I connect really well on building a life together, we make excellent parents. However, we can’t come to an agreement about kids. He wants kids and I don’t. When we first got married, we agreed to have kids; but I was 23 years old and I thought that’s what I want. Now that I am 30, I think they will be in our way to pursue our dreams. I feel conflicted and indecisive with my decisions.

[@nah3826]

dont get pressured into something you dont want, sometimes it be like that and if he really want kids so bad and you dont yall maybe not the perfect match sry..

[@vague_1255]

Same over here

[@jocular1910]

That is an unresolvable problem which will become more significant in the future.. What is the solution? Only knowledge beforehand is useful.

[@aviatrix007]

Oh no. This is something every couple must talk about before getting married. My first husband and I got married young and I told him that I didn’t want children from the time we started dating and made sure to emphasize the fact that I would never change my mind. He initially had said he always wanted children so I told him maybe it wasn’t a good idea for us to proceed with marriage/relationship. He was devastated and said he was not attached to idea of having children after all; that he really loved me and couldn’t give me up. We got married and for several years it wasn’t an issue until it was. It came up again and it destroyed our marriage. He couldn’t give it up after all, and as promised, my feelings about the issue hadn’t changed either. I remarried, this time to someone who didn’t require children from me. It’s so much better this time around. You have to decide for yourself and not allow yourself to be pressured into something so life-binding just to make someone else happy. You may not regret it but what if you do?

[@PersianDollTarot]

I’m 36 years old and happily married but I do have a very long history of trauma from my family and I live with complex PTSD. I never even thought about getting married or having children until my body started screaming because of biology hormones etc... I do feel a lot of pressure in making a decision and I’m leaning towards not having them at all. I have an older friend who is 69 died and he’s married but he says him and his wife deeply deeply regret not having children and the way he said it made me feel terrible 😢 I think one thing that’s obvious to me from the outside looking in and being very observant and very smart just like you both is that you guys are trying to rationalize your decision because you’re afraid of a deep down inside. I think you guys should interview couples just like you who decided not to have children but who are in their 70s and ask them what they feel

[@wmverk]

You can (mostly) recover from PTSD. But seeing how much you worry and ramble in a simple comment of an internet video, i feel comfortable guessing, you're not interested in recovery. That in itself is sad, but mostly pathetic.

[@jmgonzales7701]

@@wmverk maybe they dont want kids simple as that

[@Carousel12]

The last time I actually wanted to give birth was when i was 16. I'm 39 now. Don't know how the feeling just went away (hormones subsided)... Now I keep telling my mother that kids are not a blessing anymore in the 21st century. I even prepared a Bible verse for her where Jesus Christ said it Himself in Luke 23:29 'Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that have not given birth, and the breasts that have never nursed ...

[@MaishMajor]

🤣🤣 great 👍. I have just discovered this verse.

[@Carousel12]

Luke 23:29 is now my hymn.

[@DC-ef8op]

No kids for me and I am happy!!! I love nature, animals and the environment and helping all of these loves ❤

[@jadordiorre2]

Well done for honouring your truth. And so lucky to find someone on the same page x

[@PersianDollTarot]

Watching You two together it is adorable. I enjoy watching you both much more than separate and I’m not sure why exactly. My two cents, when you get older the things that you value and prioritize now will be vastly different and that’s why studies show that people are happier later on in their life… but because you guys are happily married you will still be happy if you choose not to have children… but if you’re single and unmarried without children you’re the least happiest out of everyone. I love how honest you guys are with yourselves but I think the study you guys are trusting is not very honest it’s manipulated because people absolutely love grandchildren because when they’re at that age all they care about his family❤I sense that one of you grew up with very toxic family and I can understand that sentiment and not wanting to have children because it’s just too much

[@howtosober]

Actuarial data estimates it to cost between $250,000-$300,000 *per child* to raise a kid to the age of 18. That does *not include college* or forecast for the inevitable economic support they will need into adulthood because capitalism means nobody lives fully on their own at 18. Even if one accepts these realities, the best of planning still cannot predict whether your intent to create ONE child will result in multiples- even larger multiples than twins. So one's quest to give their daughter a little brother could suddenly mean going from a family of three to a family of seven. It also *does not include chronic health conditions, disabilities, or catastrophic injuries and illnesses.* For people that have children with severe mental and physical conditions like autism, Down's Syndrome, lung and heart defects, etc. this cost-per-child can be in the millions. Most of these things aren't even known until a woman is in her third trimester, which is when legal options to terminate are mostly nonexistent. Goodbye to saving for retirement- or ever having a life of your own again, EVER. In the United States, a country without a healthcare system, reproductive rights, paid maternity leave and childcare, or any form of social safety net, having children seems absolutely insane to me. That doesn't even account for the impending climate catastrophe, increasing potential for nuclear war, and the inevitable collapse of the U.S. dollar.

[@robk6169]

You guys make it clear their is no right or wrong, it’s a personal decision for us, parents mind your effin business, and I didn’t know that happiness study,, thank you both

[@tonyjohn3826]

*[phone] ... this is the number of a very powerful spell caster who helped bring me my ex-husband, who left me for years and now my ex-husband has come back to me, .....* 💌❤❤...💌..❤...💌..❤...❤

[@SarahChicharro]

Our culture does push us on having kids. I think it is everyone’s choice. I think there is bad and good with having kids. No judgement on you for not having kids Mrs Bilyeu! You are so nuturing and kind. Great video!

[@tonyjohn3826]

*[phone] ... this is the number of a very powerful spell caster who helped bring me my ex-husband, who left me for years and now my ex-husband has come back to me, .....* 💌❤❤...💌..❤...💌..❤...❤

[@mastodonttix]

Culture...or primal instinct to pass on your genes?

[@Virvepaulina]

Interesting. But to me. Children have brought so much growth and happiness that I can't imagine not having them, really 🤭🙈 But I get that's not everybody ❤️ And I see the pressure of being everything for your kid, that's not realistic, and that can be a burden sure, unless you resolve it. And of course I do think the relationship between the parents needs to be tended to as well, and the co-operation needs to work so it won't burden, and honesty is key in that, yes yes yes 💜🧡💛🥰😘

[@liopleurodon155]

Tbh building life around happiness is not the way to go. Many of the worst things make you happy in the moment (drugs, winnning at gambling, fast food, casual bedroom fun), but it is a very elusive feeling. I'm not going to the gym because it makes me happy. It is very hard and sometimes I'm absolutely not motivated. But sometimes you just have to suck it up and go do what's right. To build something beautiful. The same philosophy should be applied to having kids.

[@abhishekkumarbiswas3365]

This Couple is really much more power couple than most billionaire couples are, Keep going have a great example for future generations. Monks and sisters dont get married ,but being in the thriving economy being married and still do it, it takes some. Touch wood God bless

[@reedaassi7350]

My issue with those studies that report happiness is that studies can only measure so much. There is a level of meaning and drive and experience that kids might bring into someone’s lives that can’t be measured by a study. Kids add to a relationship’s challenges for sure, but giving up having kids to maintain a relationship just makes me think that the relationship is not solid enough in the first place.

[@spencespace7763]

Keyword: might. Also, you would need to prove that the study is incapable of showing data on people’s meaning, drive, and experience.

[@rimaeneva]

to your last point, I don't think relationship is this static thing that doesn't change, so if you have a solid relationship before kids doesn't mean you will after. Relationship is an ongoing investment of time, attention etc and kids definitely take a toll on that

[@gatanegra8815]

@@rimaeneva I don´t have either a relationship or kids. Thank goodness. This makes life so much easier. As you wrote above, a relationship is an investment of one´s ressources. I think it is better to invest these ressources, which are not indefinite, in smth. useful or just spend your time doing what you like.

[@aashidhaniya]

oh god this gave me chills man. You both are rockstars

[@jimboneutron8399]

I guess im a unicorn because my enjoyment of life has multiplied since having kids! I can be having the worst day imaginable and when i come home to them they just brighten up my day. I was actually team no kids for most of my life until i accidentally made one. I was super upset and stressed out, but the second I held my fist in my arms all of that vanished. My relationship is stronger and better than ever and my life has become so much more fulfilling. Its awesome raising the future of this world, they talked about using their effort to change the world instead but having kids is just that, you are bringing up the future. With that said i do agree not everyone should have kids. Some people just lack the responsibility to have them and are a little bit too selfish to have the right mindset for kids. Like what they said about putting their relationship first and what not, if you have kids you need to make them your priority above everything else, anything less is bad parenting. I would do literally anything for my kids without a second thought. You have to go beyond yourself to be a good parent, I think you should do that regardless of if you have a kid or not but when you have a kid you realize life isn’t all about you and your enjoyment. But honestly im not losing any enjoyment because there is nothing I enjoy more than being with them. Ya money is a little tighter and im not as “free” but the trade off is watching this little human grow up into their own person watching them achieve so much and know you are behind that and a part of that, its a very satisfying feeling. Its a weird thing because im all on team if u dont want them dont have them but at the same time you don’t know what its like until you dive in. I was quite depressed and unsatisfied with life back when i was against having kids but i got thrust into the situation and it has completely changed my life for the better. I don’t want people who self admittedly wouldn’t make good parents to become parents but its hard to say you won’t be a good parent until you become one. I thought i would be a awful dad but the second I held my first everything about me changed. All i can say is do what you want but also consider what you could be missing out on.

[@freeagent_girl23]

omg, the talk about FAMILY and friends encroaching in the relationship. That used to happen to me all the time. Especially with my mom and my female friends. I kept my relationships away from my family and friends until they were concrete. There is a lot of jealousy believe it or not. I even got married in secret, waited a year, then had a small party.

[@firk407]

I‘m in love with her, but she does not want children. Never, she said. It breaks my heart to never see her again, but I maybe it‘s the right choice, although I‘m not sure myself when I want to become kids. I was never heartbroken in my young adult live because of love (27). It is very new for me to experience this kind of pain.

[@alexisreve1]

Do you plan on (re-)uploading the hour-long episodes of relationship theory from a few years ago? They had so much useful information

[@tonyjohn3826]

*[phone] ... this is the number of a very powerful spell caster who helped bring me my ex-husband, who left me for years and now my ex-husband has come back to me, .....* 💌❤❤...💌..❤...💌..❤...❤

[@evilds3261]

It's better to be safe than sorry. Safe = Not having kids Sorry = having kids. Better to regret not having them than to regret having them.

[@paintitblack9712]

💯

[@TiffanyHallmark]

I never wanted to have kids, but, as fate would have it, I got pregnant the first time I had sex. I honestly hoped for a miscarriage. My son is 19 now and I can confirm that my happiness/contentment has gone up so much after we moved into different houses. I still feel like I don't want to be a mother, but I'm impressed with my ability to raise my son. And I did most of the work on my own. I say that each person's journey is their own and honesty in the relationship is the key. I feel it is unfortunate that society places so much value on parenthood. I'm all for anyone being a parent if that's what they want to do and are not getting guilted in to it from family pressure.

[@ShinkaTV]

(regardless of the level of truth in this comment, this is a pretty awful thing to post publicly on the internet with your real name)

[@kjsos99]

@@ShinkaTV some aspects of life are awful

[@ShinkaTV]

@@kjsos99 Very true, but I certainly wouldn't want to be the kid who finds this sort of thing written about him by his own mother.

[@TiffanyHallmark]

@@ShinkaTV he already knows, I've been very honest with my son. I never hid this information from him. I didn't tell him when he was little, but as he got through puberty I let him know exactly how I felt. I love my boy, I just didn't want a baby.

[@xJustoNx]

@Tiffany Hallmark for those who say that this isn't something that should be posted publically...I disagree. I think your story is valuable and REAL. If you were to ever write a book about it or share your story multiple times, a lot of other people will resonate, feel understood and supported by your story. I also really admire your honesty with your son.

[@jmarietv]

omg! so glad to watch this video...thanks for sharing...we need more of this....child free here!

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

its good that they have a onest conversation. But a little weird that they seem to think that she is the onley one having the children and they onley talk about it as her beeing a mother. What about his role as a father? And why would he be jealous, should't he be busy with parenting? And why is she "leaving him" to spend time with thire children, dont they do that project together as well? I understand nothing from this conversation.

[@MaishMajor]

Most men don't raise kids.

[@mastodonttix]

I guess he wants to be the baby forever and always, in reality he is not holding the frame in that relationship if having a baby makes her loose interest in him.

[@lrwguitar]

I'm 54 and never wanted or have children the stress would be too much, also my girlfriend of 20 years is sterile, hallelujah!!!!

[@jeffreycheng5984]

Average cost of raising a kid to 18 today: $234,000. That is essentially a 30-year mortgage.

[@ladev91]

Picking money over one of the most amazing things in life. Money is the root of evil.

[@Jac527]

I would rather pick money than a life sentence of a child. But thanks for your two cents lol

[@lifeisabadjoke5750]

@@Jac527 Yup I'll take the house any day.

[@jpined14]

@@ladev91 Actually what's more amazing a great set of speakers in a properly treated room.

[@sunsetoverl.a.1014]

I’ve never seen her hair like this? Looks good.

[@hypnotherapistgurudebraann6013]

I have 3 children and each time it was as if I grew another heart. I truly believe when you miss out on having kids, you are taking out a huge part of the human experience. I am nearly 40 and my youngest is 15 and I am considering having one more. Having children are some of the greatest joys and unconditional love I have ever experienced. In the end it is a choice . That is my two cents

[@MegaZam89]

I say I'm not here to be harsh nor judge anyone, I just wish I could grasp this thing. Every mom I listen say the exact thing you say...and sounds marvelous...but for people without kids this concept just doesnt ring. I'm not able to undestand that, because all my friends always talk about the " unconditional love " they have for their kids and then add lots of complaints about what they have to do in order to grow their kids.... this always scares the damn out of me. Could you kindly try to explain what " unconditional love " means to people without kids?

[@VL20190]

To each their own but i feel blessed not to have kids because i have anxiety and stress out easily. I prefer working and focus on my freedom and peace coming home instead of having to come home with more stress to deal with. Not everyone is meant to have kids and theres nothing wrong with that. Besides i get to travel and focus on myself.

[@teacher9882]

People like you are the ones that should have kids. Not us

[@mastodonttix]

I have honestly never met an elderly childless woman who did not appear bitter and resentful

[@CharingCross712]

​@@mastodonttix Then you've not met the ones out enjoying and participating in life. Having kids is not a choice to make lightly.

[@deepdiver849]

This is one question I wanted to ask you guys ! Thanks for this video !

[@tonyjohn3826]

*[phone] ... this is the number of a very powerful spell caster who helped bring me my ex-husband, who left me for years and now my ex-husband has come back to me, .....* 💌❤❤...💌..❤...💌..❤...❤

[@Virvepaulina]

Such a different life that I can imagine. But we are not all the same, of course not 🙏

[@n.m6249]

I agree, we are too different as being. How can you judge someone with kids when you never had kids. Why are people taking the bad experience only with kids

[@celestine137]

Where are all these studies that say having kids drops your happiness levels? Give me the links.

[@noyjspoopy1564]

Hella people regret having kids lmao

[@ikawba00]

No kids means living your dreams and spending all of your time with your beloved. The healthiest solution.

[@ladev91]

If that is your mindset, then you are making a good decision to not have kids

[@n.m6249]

Don't have kids, don't judge those who are happy being parents

[@humanspiritlifecoaching196]

I actually do both and am a mother and am very healthy and happy in life. 🥰

[@marciahammond9735]

I didn't want to have kids but my husband did so we did have two. 42 years later I enjoy 'us' time with my husband more than I enjoy time with our kids because of our differing ideas about life and the world.

[@moringaottawa]

15:02 what is this called? interested in hearing more about this

[@n.m6249]

Its a personal choice, no one should judge anyone. People are too diverse to be boxed

[@marianne4762]

Im curious about the opinions of those persons who decided to not have kid but now are more than 50 years...bcs when we are young whe have all the strength in our lives and is normal we want to discover orselves in many aspects before we settle down or get more important compromises and maybe its not a priority...but as the time passes on...what about it? I mean, once you have your career, your personal development, your bussines you had traveled, some of the persons u used to know are not anymore in your life..whats next? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@MaishMajor]

At least you will have spent most of your life happy and free. With the remaining few years, one will just have to cope .

[@agd95]

Wow. Thank you both for putting this into words.

[@marfisialanza]

Amazing episode. Thank you

[@tonyjohn3826]

*[phone] ... this is the number of a very powerful spell caster who helped bring me my ex-husband, who left me for years and now my ex-husband has come back to me, .....* 💌❤❤...💌..❤...💌..❤...❤

[@EdG-rn7dk]

I accept people not wanting kids. In our case we wanted a family, had two kids, and although they were grown, we put 100% effort into our family unit.

[@maxhachey9067]

This was gold!

[@tw751]

If you don't want children but your parents would like grandchildren why dont they just offer to raise them? They center their lifes around you for the first few years to support you while the children need their parents and then the grandparents take over. We are made to have children in a tribe anyway. Parents, family, extended family and the rest of the tribe all help to some degree but today we are supposed to do it isolated and alone in a small family unit. Its just nuts.

[@mastodonttix]

Reminds me of the movie idiocracy, looking forward to seeing this power couple "thrive" in their 70s

[@XFS540]

So… you’re saying that the hillbilly couple was better for societal development?

[@mastodonttix]

I think smart people will at large take themselves out of the gene pool

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I need to check out the movie 🍿

[@dergluckliche4973]

43, married, child-free! DINK FTW!

[@jesusmtz29]

All of these studies they cite without context fail to mention that there are different types of happiness one measure. If youre talking about the satisfaction of going places without factoring other people into it yeah obviously. But ask any empty nester if they miss their kids being home and almost all will say yes. Thats why you let your parents down.

[@gemnaylor9585]

What book is he talking about by Sam Harris?

[@jamanderson23]

I am literally the female version of Tom!! LOL

[@chaoukimachreki6422]

Someday Tom will realize that he wants kids and he will have to look beyond his wife to do it. Mark my words.

[@Keelan350]

I would not want to bring children into this messed up world, homeless population so high, hunger so common, evil government. I would rather adopt!

[@wmverk]

There has never been a time in history where those things weren't an issue.

[@jmgonzales7701]

@@wmverk Difference is now we modern humans think about it now

[@AF-zn9ny]

If she has a tiny desire to be a mother, she should look for a man that will be available to have children with her. She could regret this decision down the road. I have a feeling that he told her he would have children to keep her, but really never wanted to. If there’s anyone that sees this and is in a similar situation, please have the talk with your partner and make sure you both are aligned. She could regret later the decision of not having kids. Having kids is difficult, but it could be a big opportunity to grow together.

[@drextrey]

I agree, people should follow their own choices. You don't want kids? Great, the earth could use a little more breathing room. You want kids? Good, more taxpayers. It really not anyone business but for the would be parents. You don't only need a good financial health, you also need a good mental health and tons of your personal TIME. Kids are exhausting, and required a very high "Upkeep" to maintain a good, healthy and educated kids. TIME is the one thing you will never get back, if you choose to enjoy your life without kids, more power to you. If You choose to "Pay" all the cost because you wanted kids, well no one is stopping you either.

[@3gok838]

They only speak of happiness but what about meaning?

[@jmgonzales7701]

there are many different things about meaning

[@stefanogiorgetti417]

I am very sorry for all the respondent of the study highlighting that their level of happiness plummets after having a kid….very different experience for me!

[@Mr_Porter]

No lies detected.

[@Mrs.Graceqmri]

Seems like deep down wife wants to. But he seems too self centered. It’s prob for the best.

[@Morrocanprincess]

You judge so much on only a 15 minute conversation. Why are you so triggered in these comments.

[@Mrs.Graceqmri]

@@Morrocanprincess very triggered

[@Jac527]

Actually, the wife aim to not let down her parents more like feeling guilty for her parent. But for her win I don’t think she actually wanted kids for herself. Notice the difference Ms Grace Caba 😒

[@R3sp3ctMyGam3]

Tom boy, wait a minute! Where is this "virtually every study done about having children says that happiness levels reduce until kids leave home" coming from? Which are all these studies? Can you name them? And what countries/cultures do they refer to? And also even if that were true. You say that after 18 years happiness returns. And what happens after that? I'm sure being 50 or older without children must be way worse than with autonomous older children.

[@Chi_di]

I feel so bad for Lisa bc she clearly would've had kids and been perfectly happy with a different man. Life isn't about ridding yourself from all obligations. Family isn't a burden. Community is quite literally one of the most important predictors and supporters of long term fulfillment and well being.

[@mmt2310]

I totally agree. Because Tom doesn't want children, I get the vibe she's trying to cope with not having them. I think she would make a great "mum." Oh well, she's a big girl. I hope she's okay with her choice when she gets older.

[@raileandumitrita968]

How you are going to have impact on the world? If you are not even able to impact another human being as yours.

[@noyjspoopy1564]

Ppl work that’s an impact

[@jmgonzales7701]

most people dont have an impact in the world and most will not be remembered.

[@MarioGonzalez-254]

He said he didnt feel pressure yet he explains the expectations he had from the life he envisioned by those who he emulated. But yet he didn’t feel pressure. Smh. He’s full of shit.

[@kungfupao2756]

Exact thoughts…

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I will never have children 🧒 and neither will my sister who is married. My parents will never be grandparents in this lifetime and I won’t be a parent.

[@lesleysears9808]

My parents were both jerks so I was afraid that my kids would be just like them and I thought hell no!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Same as my parents who fight all the time

[@joeblow9284]

I have 2 and I would NOT do it again.

[@Sweetie505]

Curious....why did you do it the second time?

[@JusttoTalk-o7j]

I never had kids. You wanna know why? True story. Females never found me attractive and refused to date me. The silver lining was that I never had a kids as a result! :)

[@Joe-jc5ol]

Happiness should not be the only metric. What about life fulfilment? Wanting a legacy? Chasing happiness is what got us into this lonely miserable 9 to 5 society we live in to begin with.

[@n.m6249]

Exactly, I don't have kids but my sister has 5, the joy they bring to life is priceless

[@jmgonzales7701]

no. 9 to 5 job is the exact opposites of happiness, there are loads of ways to have fulfilment and even a legacy.

[@Joe-jc5ol]

@@jmgonzales7701 Yes there are. But I am just saying, chasing pure happiness is not the smartest idea. There is only so much you can do before you've been there done that and the dopamine stops. The newest phone and the fastest gaming pc is not hitting me as good as it used to when I was 20.

[@jmgonzales7701]

@@Joe-jc5ol phones and pc arent just the things that will make you happy. i for example learned how to paint and blacksmith. Kids can also not be the only thing for happiness.

[@ShannonStacy219]

Seems like a very western idea of independence. Your decisions have a great impact on your parents and the whole dialogue is very self-centered. “My happiness” or “My life”… The whole point of having kids if you choose is expanding your definition of I, and of mine. Creating something more important or bigger than oneself. If you can’t see the beauty in that, then you’re missing the point.

[@teacher9882]

Wow 😳 🤣🤣🤣 this is the 20th century

[@sidaytona]

Just a hint of bitterness.....

[@talars7300]

I agree, however, there is selfishness and self centered-ness in the opposite spectrum as well. A lot of people bring children to the world out of instinct, to fill their life with" happiness" and out of fear of being lonely, out of societal pressure and more to fit in... etc.. Regardless of if they're ready or not, financially, mentally, considering the state of the world is safe as much as possible or not... that's also pretty selfish and thoughtless to say the least , too..

[@n.m6249]

I'm from Africa and I love this couple but today I can't relate to the conversation

[@conversationcorner1837]

Expanding the I comes from choice not obligation.

[@Miarchieve]

7:00-10:00

[@MrMundis21]

You guys are missing out! But I definitely understand your thinking

[@Mrs.Graceqmri]

100%

[@n.m6249]

I agree

[@bellaluce7088]

Overpopulation is a MAJOR contributor to the environmental crisis. So those of us who choose not to have kids are literally benefitting the children, grandchildren, etc. of the people who do. What should we say to people with kids when they pressure us to have kids too? "You're welcome!" 😉😄❤🌎

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I completely agree with everything you said 😊

[@bellaluce7088]

@@PraveenSrJ01 😄

[@Da1Dez]

I want kids, but the system doesn't want me to.

[@rebeccaxodonq7893]

My favorite dinks couple I'm gonna share in my facebook. I also middle age n don't want kids

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I don’t use facebook at all even though it is so easy to open

[@Chris-hp2gg]

The best thing about kids is making them.😂

[@jmgonzales7701]

its not

[@godmode3611]

It is embarrassing that wanting kids has become a choice like having a pet or building a pool in your house. Sad and pathetic.

[@noyjspoopy1564]

@@godmode3611 where are your kids then?💀

[@godmode3611]

@@noyjspoopy1564 Do you know me? Piece of sh*t?

[@mialovestravel]

It always has been.

[@jmgonzales7701]

always has been a choice

[@momma_goose]

I reckon she wants kids - I might be wrong, if I’m right, you should prob leave her dude so she can. Mind you that biological need is stronger for some - not all

[@jmgonzales7701]

lies

[@GDub96]

I find no joy in being a parent. Life was a lot better before. The cost of raising a child takes a lot of the happiness out of the process. The whole thing is massively overrated.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Sounds exactly like my father who never wanted children or me

[@DenisUspeshny]

so, you need to read a book to persuade yourself to not have kids

[@anarchisttutor7423]

They say "like" in every sentence.

[@marlene18g]

pass your money onto your dog lol thats something my dad will say.

[@caroline.3885]

Yeah or give to all of the animal shelters :) A trustworthy organisation that works with animal shelters that can give the money to animal shelters for surgery and care for animals that have been mistreated and give them a better life :)

[@sidaytona]

Die broke, that's the key!

[@DeanP111]

Lol what studies has this guy been reading 😂 I’ve only heard people say they feel happier from the moment their children are born - myself included. The only people who would be sad are narcissists because not everything is about them now.

[@CharingCross712]

Dean...for those who want kids, of course they are delighted and bless them. Choosing not to have kids does not equate with narcissism. In fact sometimes the opposite. Ask the thousands of people with narcissist parents... it's hell.

[@DeanP111]

@@CharingCross712 It does equate to narcissism a lot of the time and in the other cases it's a selfish life at the bare minimum. You're rejecting your family duty and you're rejecting your duty to society. If you believe you don't owe those things, you are a fool. And blaming your bad parents for your selfishness is cringe, do better than your parents then, like me.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

@@CharingCross712that is very true

[@noyjspoopy1564]

@@DeanP111no one has to do shit your kid gonna leave u and you’ll be in a nursing home 🤣

[@Sasha-Sabelnikov]

So much of such a good DNA is going to be lost forever :( Hope you will compensate by the quality of your own lives. I respect the choice, btw.

[@frummel403]

No need to compensate, you can just make an impact by being a generally good person. No need to pass down DNA for that.

[@Sasha-Sabelnikov]

@@frummel403 that’s why we are going to where we are going. It’s sad.

[@Sasha-Sabelnikov]

@@jbeauty4150 we need good DNA here. Desperately. Don’t you see it when going out?

[@bryanb9636]

That’s pretty twisted. But it’s 2021 so are many things. Do you.

[@frummel403]

What do you find pretty twisted exactly, I'm curious?

[@ladev91]

11:42 typical Greek lol

[@scalderiso]

I wanna be a dad so bad I'm 37 all these woman I meet don't want em such a turn off

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Why don’t you adopt instead like my aunt did?