The Healing Words Daddyless Daughters Need to Embrace | Oprah's Lifeclass | Oprah Winfrey Network

Relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant says that in order to move on from the pain of not having a father, women need to acknowledge one simple phrase: "Daddy gone." From there, Iyanla says, women need to give up the story they've been telling themselves about the past and take responsibility for the next chapter of their lives. Find out how to do this-and forgive in the process. For more on #lifeclass, visit bit.ly/1nPCfuF
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The Healing Words Daddyless Daughters Need to Embrace | Oprah's Life Class | Oprah Winfrey Network
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[@zionadore5397]

It's natural for humans or every child to long for something that is missing in their lives. But sometimes the absence of these men can be a blessing in disguise because of abuse and hovac they can cause.

[@AskNieRe]

That's exactly how I perceive it. I didn't like it but I'm glad I didn't have to continue to experience certain things that he was bringing to the home dynamic.

[@SARASARA-jh6jo]

True

[@millier.206]

That’s what I keep telling myself

[@imdavid4875]

it's havoc not hovac and lol im laughing.,. sounds like something else.,.

[@BeastinOnLife]

Daddy gone and life was great because he was here.

[@khadijafulan8308]

Please, don’t forget about us who actually had a present father in our lives but are still struggling with Daddy issues. Due to the many incapabilities our fathers had in order to actually be a father. Some of us only had a flesh as a father, and never recieved any humanity or love from them.

[@Deenique16]

This video still applies to us

[@mysticempress5879]

Your experience is soooo what I have experienced this should be spoken about more

[@kulera]

You had a father but not a dad.

[@Themsbeatlesrock]

Yep, lotta married single mothers out there. It’s tough for a daughter to see their parents in that situation. Lotta anger especially cuz your father is right in front of u and u wanna scream at him to stop being a deadbeat but he doesn’t respect his daughters or his wife so he just laughs it away. A lot of the times the mother in this situation also grew up fatherless and doesn’t know any better and will side with the father instead of daughters. It’s sad

[@MandisaVXuba]

@@kulera 😭😭😭😭 SOOOO ACURATE!!

[@AlanaGurl]

It easier said than done. I can say "Daddy gone", but my heart still says "why didn't he want me?". It's a sad thing. No humor in it for me.

[@debbiewilder5664]

Ang Jo I'm sure it had nothing to do with you never does the child is innocent he was probably just selfish wanted to have no responsibilities and have fun that's the norm

[@TheGlejjd]

Same. But we got to be stronger, sister!

[@Star-hk6gc]

:( I’m sorry

[@Tabaitha_Elle]

Had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

[@dkellyiverson414]

It's Tabaitha , 🗣"EXACTLY!!" MY DAD was a 'WELL KNOWN' SINGER/MUSICIAN, BACK in THE DAY, (that even had '18' GIRLFRIENDS at ONE TIME), 🙄😲😵😵😵😵, SO, THERE 'WOULD HAVE' BEEN 👉 '15' OF US KIDS, (THAT WE KNOW ABOUT), THAT IS, 🙄 👉BY '14' DIFFERENT WOMEN, (INSTEAD OF '12' of us 👉BY '12' DIFFERENT WOMEN)! BTW, LOOK UP MY DAD'S COUSIN, (THE RENOWNED: DANCER/ACTRESS/SINGER/MODEL, #PAULA #KELLY), MY DAD'S COUSIN! ;-) HIS BROTHER is THE 'LATE' BISHOP KELLY! LET ME HUSH, (CUZ I LIKE being 'IN-COG-NEGRO', #FREE #TO #COMMENT FREELY, WITHOUT MY FAMILY 'SNOOPIN', THAT IS!' 😉😏 LMBBO!! 😹😹😹😹

[@megane617]

When you had your dad around physically, but emotionally, he neglected and abandoned you.

[@exclusivelytay4114]

My current situation

[@DeborahBurleson]

But still provided, must be hard. 💔

[@bem6344]

Yes this is where I’m at

[@sparkythims4362]

Yes

[@strethy]

I am a daddyless daughter, even though my dad was in physically in the home, he was emotionally aggressive towards our mother, volatile and used his masculinity for intimidation, and so i could never form any kind of emotional connection to him

[@psyourauntie]

strethy Mine TOO......he was physically there but, he was too engulfed in his own mess that made him useless. So sometimes a father being present is just as toxic.

[@Kelstar77]

So true if a father doesn’t meet the emotional needs and be present in what’s is happening in your life it’s just as Damaging as not having one at all and all you do is constantly seek validation

[@preciousbaptiste]

Share the same sentiments ..

[@diniciaweekes2096]

Penny same here

[@MoonLady-d5w]

@@psyourauntie yes

[@aneikapinto2000]

I have no earthly father. But let me tell u I tell myself that I have a father in heaven an I am a daughter of a king. God is my father

[@akeinoxiong9256]

God is who keeps me going. He replaced the love of my absent father

[@queenmaz7nomusa411]

1:20 "Somebody's mother didn't check her son to go handle his business" PERIODT

[@queenlea9140]

Facts

[@OliviaMmmm]

1:22 blaming women for not doing enough. Men aren't ever made to feel guilty as a gender for not teaching their daughters enough about how to be better mothers, because our mothers and/or fellow women do this by passing the knowledge and wisdom on. Mother's shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not teaching boys how to be good fathers, men are responsible for passing this knowledge and wisdom down to each other. We need to stop placing blame on women for not doing enough of men's work. Society needs men and women to step up more now and be better role models, to share the wisdom and knowledge we have gained through from our roles in life.

[@victoriamd9078]

I highly agree

[@cieragadson1430]

Exactly.

[@millier.206]

My dad was one of many children raised by two great parents. Sometimes the blame and responsibility is on the actual absent parent. The other children did not abandon their children, just my father.

[@minathemystic]

I highly agree with this as well.

[@takiaab3]

Daddy gone...and to say that still hurts. My father has tried to reconnect, but it's difficult for me, because he is not the father I wished I had or even the daddy I remember.

[@aminasunshyne3042]

"Overcoming Dad issues" is a support group on Facebook where you can share your story and meet others who share a similar story. If your on Facebook feel free to join!

[@suras8984]

Even if you reconnect and think youve forgiven him... it doesn't heal you deep enough. At least for me; I still attract men who leave me or emotionally unavailable.

[@itsyagirlniv3093]

If your father is still living, please connect with him. My father is dead and he’s not coming back so I will never be able to fill that void! I hurt in my marriage And socially.

[@mumiyumi7554]

I’m living with the same feeling and it’s hard to change those feelings. When I saw your comment it rang so true for me.

[@komphortampadu9985]

He tried to reconnect ryt.. Give him the chance

[@MsBlackscorpion1]

DADDY GONE SO I'M GONNA MOVE ON

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

😑😝

[@newme572]

Mannn I wish my mom did with me when I was little and my father went to jail instead of crying myself to sleep!! Baby daddy Gone!

[@SuperTruthful]

check your sons! Is so right!

[@juliarobinson3350]

Daddy gone. Absent father. It is what it is.

[@ChelseyTheDawn]

Julia Robinson I really felt that. you are me. I am you.

[@nerocentric]

@1:22 puts the blame back on women. Men also need to check their sons; but, first they need to set the example.

[@OliviaMmmm]

nerocentric right on.

[@Kelstar77]

Yes because they end up angry men and women just like their bitter mothers as well as hurt by not have a present father

[@Audridittlenumba2]

Yes baby yes

[@kellyupshaw6598]

Daddy wasn't $h*t and STILL isn't!. Cut him off. No contact!

[@johnnyblaze2257]

Well spoken Scooby Doo.

[@rosenchrige78]

Lol "daddy gone.."..daddy was never there, just bread crumbs thrown here and there and a little girl grasping for each and every one,lol.

[@ShadowsMasquerade]

I feel you. My dad is here, physically here. But he's not HERE, ya know? Not emotionally. There's nothing there.

[@TheGlejjd]

Same

[@vfree4579]

rosenchrige tipsie I understand crumbs I'm 55 years old and I have accepting crumbs all my life I forgive myself and crumbs is the exact thing that I have accepted being without a father daddy gone

[@kyleyakich3800]

Yes

[@INFJ2]

GURLLLL YESSSS

[@AshleyMintz]

"Daddy Gone" lol... :(

[@flowerpink33]

More women and men need to watch this

[@1951kvk]

My father didn't want children so he was there physically when he wasn't drinking and sleeping around. I feel my brother and I would have been better off without him, period.

[@peace4all928]

Daddy Gone forever. He died 10 years ago. I never had the relationship that I hoped and wished for with him. I released all the hurt and pain because at the end of the day.....Daddy Gone. R.I.P. Daddy. without you there would be no me and for that I am thankful

[@audfosutv2500]

Daddy gone....a stark, but a very real truth for so many of us. Time to continue the journey of healing✨🙏 and not repeat the patterns of dysfunction within our own families.

[@queenmaz7nomusa411]

I hate him. I honestly truly hate him. I hate him because I love him, but that wasn't enough to ever make him love me back And it kills me

[@totallyrave53]

I am a daddyless daughter I knew my father but he was in and out of my life and I never was able to develop a relationship with him I didn’t grow up knowing how a man was suppose to treat me because I didn’t have my father there to show me and guide me daddy gone but it’s ok because I am teaching healing guiding and loving myself at 27 years old letting go of past hurts and moving on with my life to have an amazing future 🙌🏽

[@brianaw1422]

Same here!

[@SaturnPhase]

Oprah, hush! Always trying to correct someone's grammar like they're illiterate XD. But on a serious note, I told myself Daddy gone when I was a child, and It's helped me avoid a lot of pitfalls and negative experiences in my life.

[@kristinadaubney2068]

Daddy Gone 😃 Plain and Simple I like it! My Daddyless story is so long I like this so much better.

[@livefreeallways]

A lot of us without fathers. It's about their ability or inability to give love. They can only love at the level they are at. In other words the way your father treated you has everything to do with him.

[@RodneyDodson]

It's true that especially right now it's much tougher to have a good upbringing without two parents, having a lot to do with The Cost of Living. But I liked Jody Fosters response to "did it effect your life in anyway, not having a father?" She said, I didn't know another way, and so it didn't effect me. She learned other languages, went to Harvard, became extremely wealthy and successful. Because she didn't take something like that to a Dark Place. I think often times, when society tells us that we should feel terrible about a circumstance in our life, we tend to make it terrible.

[@vic21ld]

The fact that I'm not alone and it's actually a pretty common problem makes me sad. Damn... They are so irresponsible :/

[@Lwhit1231]

I am a daddyless daughter!!! Daddy gone

[@ahumanjustbeing2466]

La Out Loud I have a 4 yr old step gr.dgtr and she doesn't have a dad...she told us she wanted one...so I became "Dad" instead of my previous title of "Pops"... so one day she just started calling me Dad(btw...I don't have nor ever wanted kids)....but u know what there's no way I would ever stop or "correct" her...her self esteem is too important to me to do that to her...just wanted to share that with u

[@vfree4579]

a Human just Being that's a beautiful story God bless you man of God

[@mercyluka614]

19 years I've heard everything but i still have a hole in my heart. I came here for comfort so this is not funny for me.

[@PyoreBliss]

I am a fatherless daughter, but I can't say "Daddy Gone". My father didn't leave, he was pushed away and never told about me or that I might be his. How do I move on and heal? My father never got a chance to be a Daddy to me (not to mention I'm still not positive who my BioDad is). Following these steps, I can get my story down to a few words, but to say Daddy Gone, for me, would be a lie. This was a great lesson though.

[@japrox1]

No, it wouldn't be a lie because your daddy WAS gone for most of your life. You're still living the fantasy of thinking that if your father knew about you he would come back. You can heal by owning your truth, that your father is gone and he may never come back. Then you can start forgiving yourself and live your life the way you want to live it. Don't forget forgiving means letting go of what could have been with your daddy if only he wasn't pushed away or the fantasy.

[@legaleagle7427]

My mother laid down with a married man. She set me up to be a fatherless daughter before I was even born. Daddy gone and my Momma's a ho. Now what?

[@dkellyiverson414]

Legal Eagle , *UPDATE, 2-3-19, MY DAD, (a singing MUSICIAN, that had HIS OWN SINGING group), made HISTORY IN ILLINOIS, 'HOWEVER', HE PUT MUSIC in FRONT of me, AND HIS OTHER SLEW of KIDS 🗣️(SO, I HAVEN'T SEEN him since I WAS 8 years OLD), 👉🏾45 YEARS ago, 🗣️AND SOME of MY SIBLINGS I HAVE YET to MEET, (INCLUDING MY BROTHER that JUST PASSED AWAY about 4 MONTHS ago)‼️😩😩 🗣️ MY DAD 'FINALLY' GOT SAVED, (AND I DON'T see 👉🏾THE ARROGANCE, 👉🏾AND NARCISSISM that USED TO PLAGUE him, PRIOR TO THAT)! 🤔😎🤗 🗣️SO, NOW I BELIEVE that IT'S SAFE to SAY that I (HAVE) 'TRULY' FORGIVEN him, (ONCE, AND FOR ALL)! I MEAN, 🗣️MY dad had 👉🏾'18' GIRLFRIENDS (@ ONE TIME), AND HE 'USED' TO LAUGH ABOUT HOW 'SNEAKY' he 'WAS', 🗣️"HAVING '6' GIRLFRIENDS ON THE SAME STREET ‼️ SO, I WAS LIKE, "UGGGHHH, 🗣️ IT I 'CAN'T' TRUST my OWN DAD, THAT 'SIRED' ME, 👉🏾THEN (I 'CAN'T' trust ANY OTHER man)!" NOW I'm A LITTLE MORE trusting! 😉🤣🤣 "ULTIMATELY, MY DAD 'WAS' MARRIED 'about' 8 TIMES ‼️😱😱😬 I CALLED HIM "THE MALE Elizabeth TAYLOR"‼️🤣🤣🤣 SO, 'KNOWING' HOW HE 'WAS', MY TRUST level WAS "SLIM 👉🏾 TO NONE, (BECAUSE of 'KNOWING' of HIS 'SNEAKY' WAYS, THAT HE TOLD me ABOUT, BACK in THE DAY) ‼️‼️" EVEN when it came to 👉🏾 MY DAD, I BARELY trusted ANY MAN, AND often WONDERED, OK, 🗣️"WHEN WILL 👉🏾 YOU MESS UP, AND ACT a FOOL?!?!" 🗣️ NOW, MY HEART 'IS' MORE RECEPTIVE, 👉🏾(SINCE I 'CAN' SEE THE CHANCE in HIM), THAT IS! HE EVEN APOLOGIZED to MY MOTHER for BEING "a 'BAAAD' FATHER, 'AND' HUSBAND‼️" THE OLD person THAT HE 'WAS', 🗣️(HORRIBLE), 🤣🤣 would have NEVERRR done THAT ‼️‼️ 😉 🗣️ SO, (NOW) I 'CAN' SEND him 'HEARTFELT' FATHER'S DAY CARDS, 👉🏾(INSTEAD of ALWAYS 'WITTY' ONES, JOKING about HOW 'OLD' HE IS)! 🤣🤣🤣😉 🗣️"AND, HONESTLY, IT 'FEELS' GOOD to 'FINALLY' have THAT WEIGHT, (&/OR BURDEN) 'OFF' my SHOULDERS, (CUZ THAT HURT 👉🏾'NO ONE 'CAN', AND/OR 'SHOULD' have TO 'CARRY'), CUZ #STRESS #HURTS, ( #AND #CAN #KILL #you)‼️" 🗣️"AND #UNFORGIVENESS #is #LIKE #CANCER ‼️"😬😬😬 🗣️"JESUS SAID FORGIVE OTHERS if you 'EXPECT' to BE FORGIVEN of GOD, OUR FATHER ‼️" *PARAPHRASING* 😉 I'm sorry to READ THAT! 'HOWEVER', I 'SEE' that 'ALL' of THE BLAME is DIRECTED toward 👉 YOUR MOM! 2 QUESTIONS: #1). Did your daddy SEDUCE your MOTHER, OR, 2), Did YOUR MOTHER 'KNOW' that HE WAS A 'MARRIED' MAN when THEY 'FIRST' MET)?? 🤔 Cuz 'SOME' married men 'WILL', (& OFTENTIMES, 'DO' LIE about their MARITAL STATUS), YA KNOW...JS. "WHATEVER the 'REASON', DEAR HEART, 👉YOU 'HAVE' to 'FIND' a WAY to FORGIVE the BOTH of them, BECAUSE 👉YOU, (THE INNOCENT PARTY in ALL of this), ARE 'CARRYING' a (HEAVY) 'LOAD' that (SHOULD HAVE) 'NEVER' become 👉YOURS! And, I, (for ONE), 'AM' SORRY to 'HEAR' that! GBU, (& I HOPE, & PRAY), 🙇🙏 that, 👉BY NOW, you HAVE, 👉(&/OR 'WILL') " #GIVE #IT 👉#TO #JESUS, #AND #FORGIVE #them, #HEAL, #AND #FIND #JOY #in #YOUR ' #NEW' #LIFE!" "TAKE CARE!" 🙋🚶🚶🚶 SIGNED: "MENDING FENCES with MY DADDY, 'HOWEVER', 🗣( #THE #LORD #HAS #ALWAYS #been #MY #FATHER)!!" 🙌😄😄😎🗣"I 'AM' #VICTORIOUS 👉( #THRU #CHRIST, #JESUS)!!" 🙆😄😄🗣SO, " #YOU, #TOO ' #CAN' #OVERCOME, TRUST ME!!" 😄 GBU!!🙇🙏

[@innerpowerup]

This is a major component of why a lot of children are fatherless but it's hardly addressed.

[@jg0037]

@N Mil U hit it right on the nail.

[@AuthorJanaeMarie]

My father committed suicide when I was 8 months old. So I never knew him.

[@AshleyMintz]

So sorry to hear that :(

[@AuthorJanaeMarie]

Ashley Mintz Thanks. It's ok. It still hurts although I'm an adult. But hey. I survive. Have a nice day sweetie!

[@dkellyiverson414]

Author Janae Marie , "Sorry TO HEAR that, (AND, YES, YOU 'SURE' DID)!!"😄😄 #THANK #GOD!! 🙌😄😎

[@pamelawilliams2470]

Author Janae Marie I don't know you but you have a hug

[@aliciashafer2257]

My father committed suicide as well and I never got to meet him. I don’t even have a picture.

[@leilasabita6283]

I love Oprah and Iyanla, and I greatly appreciate the work that they do. But a problem that I see with a lot of these kinds of videos is that there is too much focus on women needing to change..as if there's always something wrong with a female's perspective or behavior. Let's put some attention on why some men do hurtful things..even to people that they love. The focus shouldn't always be the "victims" but also the "abuser/abandoner".

[@kmc1994]

I agree. This comment should have more likes. The message I hear is "they're going to do what they're going to do, leave them be, forgive them and forgive yourself" but we need to focus on men's behavior more and hold them accountable so this STOPS and we don't have to keep pin balling back and forth between getting hurt and healing ourselves (and somehow it's always, we asked for that hurt or should have seen it coming). Damn! Women are supposed to be and do all things huh? Wtf are men here for? What does forgiveness look like for them and what kinds of ways do they heal from trauma so it doesnt affect the next person and/or women negatively??? Cause from what I see they can do anything they want and not even have to apologize for it....

[@suras8984]

@Leila Sabita....the thing is we actually want something different for ourselves for our future kids. As "victims" we are willing to change what we need to to get better outcomes for our lives. Most dead beats do not care to change until their kids are grown; then they want forgiveness.

[@KeishaCharmaine]

This is just a 5min clip but you can never put too much focus on us needing to change our perspectives because that’s the ONLY thing we can control. We can’t control anyone else. Since we’re talking about healing, nobody else can heal us. We have to heal ourselves. The only way is by changing our own perspectives.

[@simoneymone89]

I think forgiving yourself is key. Often times we allow ppl to hurt us daddies, boyfriends, moms, brothers and we do not deal with the unresolved pain so we act out in ugly dirty ways. Forgive yourself for what their offense did to you and how you believed it to be true. Love yourself.

[@user-yc9wi4jg7z]

Daddy gone sounds deep within. Daddy is gone may be correct but doesnt have the same emotion. Lol. Many people needed to hear the message and thats what is important. Love how these two women interact great minds.

[@konmari7511]

daddy gone. i told the story at least he didn't do wrong by abusing me, like my mother. i compensated and have hidden it to work hard, act strong, hide all my feelings (the sad ones, and the happy ones), till i was very depressed. I feel lonely, desperate/unsupported and a distrust to all man (i know that's unfair). the truth is DADDY GONE.

[@TheGlejjd]

Konmari you are not alone!

[@terryhazelett2105]

You are not alone and I hope you have a lot of strong females in your life. My female friends have always held me together in bad times.

[@tgrant2273]

I hope that you are doing better now..

[@favoredfabulousone]

Works all-day Daddy GONE!!!

[@Queenin365]

Daddy gone.

[@hairrus7278]

Truth is, a lot of those daddy's were already married to someone else. That's why you have so many daddyless daughters and sons. Tell the real truth Iyanla.

[@karaledwaba817]

DADDY GONE!

[@hoodpriestessphilosophy7669]

Daddy gone. He passed away twenty years ago and I only forgave him this past year. ♥

[@spike1422]

A lot of blame placed on "Daddy Gone". I wanted to raise my daughter with a good work ethic, standards and the knowledge that I love her. Instead she is raise by a mother who whores herself on twitter and screws guys in the same room as her baby. I can't raise my daughter in a few stolen hours every month or so. I told her I loved her everyday and held her every day of her life. I can't watch my daughter be "raised" by another man. I can't watch her potential be wasted by her mother. I cant' protect her while she sleeps as I did when she was under my roof within my arms-reach. I can't bare to watch as she grows into someone I don't want to be associated with. I've already spent more time away from her than I spent with her, and that's because I worked my 12 hour shifts to provide for a woman who would rather spend £200 on candy crush before her daughters birthday. I'm not abandoning my daughter. I have lost this fight. She was stolen, and I am mourning her.

[@spike1422]

@iiarolix I did, and I lost. I've still not financially recovered. Men in this country don't get custody, but we're encouraged by just about every voice to spend every last penny we have on lawyers and courts just to make it look like we tried. It's a wicked system.

[@curtistinemiller1560]

What is a Daddy?.Who He?

[@RoalDeePR]

I feel really sad and discounted that this topic totally disregarded those Mommyless daughters, even the mothers who are alive or in the their daughters lifes. Those mothers who abuses, abused, are emotional unattached, sexually abuse their daughters. Those girls who when they don't have their fathers, neither have their Nurtures!

[@aminahlashe]

This seminar was about fatherless daughters. That’s what it is. That doesn’t dismiss motherless daughters. This specific seminar was for this specific topic.

[@Thewondersofgreatnes]

My father left over 10 years ago. i do not know where he is or if he is even alive, I do not carry his name and have lost my entire half of my family. AT 17 this affects me every single day of my life and causes me great pain that i hope to heal from each day. EVERY girl needs a daddy!

[@peaceandlove544]

Tania Talks I am so sorry for that, I hope your well, all my love and peace to you and to your father that in such inner conflict he left without keeping in touch and doing his present job

[@cubalakeland]

You are my sister from a different mother. Hope to speak to you soon , Maria

[@aminasunshyne3042]

"Overcoming Dad issues" is a support group on Facebook where you can share your story and meet others who share a similar story. If your on Facebook feel free to join!

[@Carlota1008]

My cousin told me this the day we buried my dad. The words still haunt me. It was a truth I just wasn't ready to digest. I still cry today, remembering his words, to me it felt like he was killing him all over again. He said " daddy is no more, daddy is gone"

[@anoopgopalakrishnan7823]

I am a man I had the male version of this pain! Thank God that I've healed myself from all this trauma!

[@CherylMuir]

Iyanla is brilliant. Injecting humour into it, and making it succinct. She's right! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Pictureme1205]

it's not funny ..................... Why are people LAUGHING................it's NOT FUNNY

[@ShadowsMasquerade]

Humor is a good medicine. When you can laugh about it, you heal some of your pain, because the story we tell ourselves, even though it has hurt us greatly, at the end of the day does not have to be the story of our life. That 'seriousness' and 'graveness' does not have to follow us for so long.

[@tookmyideas5603]

The laughing just makes me so angry like wtf

[@periwinkleblue2]

+naomiskye119 It is funny. People aren't laughing because it's funny hahahaha. They're laughing because of the colloquial term used, *Daddy Gone*. Totally unexpected when it got thrown in, but it was a definite mood changer for such a deep and heavy topic. I'm glad Iyanla and Oprah brought a light-hearted balance to such a weighty subject.

[@tookmyideas5603]

periwinkleblue2 its really not funny. Just hearing the audience laugh triggers something in me. I wish people wouldn't try to make light of something in this matter. Yeah, it may be easy to laugh it off if your dad was around but be careful what you find humor in.

[@periwinkleblue2]

KAI' AKUA You're taking the laughing to literal. The audience, Oprah and Iyanla aren't laughing because they find the subject matter funny, they're laughing at the phrasing of *Daddy Gone*. The way Iyanla threw this sudden change but honest response in, made it funny, the phrase that is. The way it came out of nowhere, totally unexpected it lighten the mood yet *not* making light of the topic - it is heavy and painful and we are all at different stages of our journey. I'm sorry the laughter brought up painful memories and triggered something in you, maybe this is what you should work at finding out why you reacted they way you did. I found the phrase funny, and won't apologise for having a little laugh. And I am one of those *Daddyless Daughters*.

[@NeoNeoza]

daddy gone. RIP daddy

[@Julienna]

What if the daddy was there physically but not mentally? When he saw my mother abusing me and did not do anything to protect me? He took me on trips, we did sports, travelled a lot but he never cared about my inner feelings, he never intervened when my mother was saying / doing ugly things to me. He just left, went to his room, closed the door and put the music louder. Than after the toxic mother-speech was over and I was crying, sad, depressed, sometimes he came to me and suggest to play some card games for children. But he had never spoken to me about what was happening and he still does not want to talk about it. Please, no feelings. We just play a card game or go biking or swimming... I grew up thinking I am worthless, for mum and for the dad as well. Im almost 40 and I have almost none relationship with my father. I dont want to have a formal relationship, Im not interested anymore. My mother abused my sister as well, on the other hand she also had always shown much love to her as well, so my sis is not so damaged like I am. She does not feel my pain. My mom use to tell me Im ugly cause I look very much like my dad and his mom. Im not ugly actually. But I believed it for many years. I thought nobody would love me, so I spent 2 years in abusive relationship saying to myself I should be grateful for this man for loving me. I disconnected from my mom for a few years which helped me to realize how worth I am and now Im in really loving relationship with my man for 3,5 years already. But there are still times I cry and re-live my toxic childhood asking, was I really that worthless?

[@JENNY_OCEAN]

She's absolutely brilliant and charming and HIGHLY effective.

[@ChasadieAlexis]

Its not funny or cute to treat the sorrow of black girls and women like this. Why would you say this to people hurting and in pain???? Very out of touch.

[@anoopg7006]

To clarify 1. Notice where in your body you feel the sensation of pain or discomfort. And tell how that feels. Give that feeling a sound.. Utter it.. Let that feeling have a sound. 2. While continuing to notice, tell the truth of what you feel. 3. Focus on the energy or the emotion of the story. Not the story itself. When you find yourself getting carried away by the pain of the story, shift your attention to the "energy"/"feeling" "underneath" the story. What you wanna work with is the intense feelings/energy of emotions "underneath" the story not the story itself. Healing is not about changing the story. Healing is working with the energy underneath the story and "transforming" that energy by feeling, accepting and compassionately loving that energy. In doing so, the energy naturally transforms and you are freed from the suffering. Also, remember- Your pain is in your body not in your mind. Work with the body. Work with energy beneath story not the story itself.

[@zeynand4039]

I used to compensate for my father not being here. Being a substitute parent to my siblings. My mum slapped ne straight about this when I was 15 and i feel like i started my life at 15 because of it.

[@victoriamd9078]

Victim blaming? Never Healing absolutely

[@denisesmith4986]

Amazing show. I told the story, and owned my part now lets move on cuz daddy gone

[@amichelleist]

Daddy is gone

[@fraziersworld3701]

This breaks my heart because my daughter and sons dad is not in there life worry how it's going to affect them in the future.

[@suras8984]

It affects everyone differently. I have been unable to form any committed relationships. Usually end up with someone who has no time for me and it doesnt last. My brother ended up having a child with his longtime girlfriend and who upon breaking up has done everything in her power to keep him away from his child. So he essentially subconciously recreated the childhood he had for his own daughter.Now his daughter doesnt get to see her father. He has fought heaven and earth to see her.

[@edwconr]

no verb needed at age 3...what is a verb anyway? you are a 'being' not a 'doing' so when you are 3 years old, you say : mom gone, dad gone, elmo gone? wow....but God in Jesus Christ is ever present...and able to bring mom home safely, dad home safely and elmo home safely:)

[@CoffeeTalkJazzRadio]

This show was everything I needed it! What a revelation Daddy Gone!!! Get your Life!!!!!

[@slimsxyblkwoman]

I love this subject matter and its time we deal and heal. Thank you Oprah and Iyanla. By the way, I love both Iyanla's and Oprah's hair. Its good to see more black women wearing their natural hair.

[@jum4ngie]

Oprah asking to put a verb in there is why Oprah is Oprah 🤣

[@Beezy421]

Simply saying daddy gone is not enough. Yea he’s gone but it doesn’t stop you from wanting him there. Or having a void. Is anyone giving any of this advice “daddyless”?

[@npraoxx]

My dad is gone because he didn’t care about his health enough to think about how his death would affect my whole family’s lives forever

[@hedgealarme8085]

Wow..this time I can agree with Oprah...she helped clarify step 1 from Iyana said....but I think step2 before 1 is just as good as long as both are done

[@rembeadgc]

So powerful is the injured and unguided mind which leaves a wake of damage in it's path. But even more powerful is the renewed and spirit guided mind, bringing life and grace to all it encounters.

[@iamsaved7]

"Daddy gone" is not poor grammar, it is African American Vernacular English (AAVE). The dropping of the verb "to be" is one of AAVE's defining characteristics. It's called "copula deletion" or "copula omission" and we've been doing it for hundreds of years. Let's stop thinking everything we do is "ignorant" or "bad."

[@taureanspiritualgoddess4449]

Thank you God for this message I needed to hear this

[@GSP__]

I see my own dad like an object

[@BeccaL2016]

To me it’s the expectations and comparisons. When I had so many expectations of my father, I had much more disappointments. Now I have zero expectations, I feel released! It doesn’t sound normal in the heathy family. But it’s a good thing to do in such abnormal settings.. and never compare yourself with others who have nice family. We are not victims, because of it, we become stronger than any others. We need to turn negetive into the positives. Our parents mess it up, but it doesn’t mean our life has to be messy!!!

[@PrettyINCs]

Our negatives are just negatives. We don’t need to turn it into a positive, and it doesn’t make us stronger, it just gives extra steps to overcome. Sugar coating it is no better than wallowing in the negativity. I like the idea of no expectations. That is simply accepting things as they are and as they come. Acknowledging the good and the bad. We just need strategies for coping with the bad.

[@kamariatoure42]

Daddy gone 😂

[@rosemarycurry5890]

Daddy gone

[@gabrielaxmful]

Daddy gone, I was so inspired until Daddy Gone, cant stop laughing...

[@PaolaHuezo]

My dad left my mom when she was pregnant, but I live with a peace of mind without a father. I never had a father figure and a very toxic relationship with my mother that I still work on healing that pain with no other family involvement. Many years of pain, but I honestly am so happy I grew up without a father. Wouldn’t be who I am today and I couldn’t love myself who I fought so hard to be.

[@CherylMuir]

"Daddy gone. So what? Now what?" 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@mammybelle7302]

Daddy gone!

[@nathalie2135]

Never had my father. He and my mom divorced. He made a new fam and i was forgotten about. Now im grown.. live 10 min away from him and still he never calls. Only when he needs money... His wife doesnt want him focusing on me she wants all his time for her kids. And my mother is shizofrenic and cant be around ppl without being a real devil... Donz know what to do

[@QueenAusetHeru]

Brilliant! Daddy gone! ❤

[@Cleanwhitebeige95]

My dad has passed away and I can never d er get over it !!! I literally try to find men who look like him !! Ughhh this is my life

[@nancyteixeira8616]

Same here dear

[@nicolebranche5302]

people get comfortable living in their own misery

[@hertherapy]

Daddy is is gone because he's not feeling good. Prayerfully daddy shows up.🙏

[@victoriamd9078]

Makes trivial and attempts to make insignificant ,basic human need. Again quite disturbing.....

[@missmargmillionaire6421]

I appreciate what both of them are saying. But they're not married cuz....daddy gone.

[@Legendary2009____]

DADDY GONE !

[@Star-hk6gc]

I am raising my granddaughter. She’s been with me 5 years. Her dad voluntarily gave up his rights 3 years ago. She is 11. She lives the daddy fantasy. Makes pictures with him in them, talks about when she still lived with him. I don’t say anything negative. I know this is her way of coping. But I worry and wonder if I should be saying certain things to help her deal with this now while she is young.

[@suras8984]

yes you should...and maybe ask a professional how you can help her process this so that she doesnt internalize the abandonment. And maybe push her dad to see her no matter how much of a deusche bag he is.

[@kmc1994]

Your son?

[@titilopeatteh7006]

Well, Daddy gone. He back now though I wish he wasn't, he brought all the pain back with him and he's not better He still jumping in n out, reopening healed wounds.

[@victoriamd9078]

Respectfully , the laughing is highly disturbing

[@liniaking6926]

Daddy gone ok thats funny

[@redkisses4362]

My Father Jesus never left; my human father did

[@rubystaging237]

Daddy's gone, know what? Answer , You have to think for your self, you have to be your own advocate

[@rubystaging237]

Daddy's gone, know what? Answer , You have to think for your self, you have to be your own advocate

[@indiaweston3116]

Don't you dare make this the women fault. Some guys are just low life and do what they do best, run away from their responsibilities. I grew up without a father, all my siblings have but my brother made sure he took care of his kids,my niece's knowing he don't get along with their mother anymore. That is what I called "being a men"!

[@diannefarrar1465]

Daddy doesn't have to be biological. But, let me tell you, I had a great dad, as well as other positive male role models. I just cannot imagine how I would be, where I would be, without my dad's parenting, upbringing, the good, the bad and the ugly. I am a daddy's girl - all the way! A good male role model is especially important for girls because he can dictate what you expect in your relationships in life.

[@DeborahBurleson]

So, what the point is; a dad is not really a tragic loss? Dads are actually unnecessary; it’s us, fatherless children , blowing and romanticizing the importance and crusiality of a father?

[@tamairareid6702]

The guys were right, my fiancé’s mom use to check him and he turned out great 🥰😂 but fr I love it here I respect the hell outta her ✨

[@MsJoyce31202]

Except for when mom died in child birth. She couldn't teach her child.

[@elfriededohmen1029]

How dare you 2 making a mock of people's pain...I am appauled😡

[@christianmwabukusi8132]

Human nature is not made out of baseless words! Honour God, Obey His Word and live fruitful

[@Hebrewsista]

DADDY GONE!!!!!!!!! LOL