A Fatherless Child's Journey towards Healing | Natalie Alexander | TEDxHuntsville

[@_simply_beeh_]

I watched this video sometime ago I reached out to my father and he still says he shows no interest in being involved in my life and he is proud of the decision he made of being absent with me. He raised 6 children and I am the 7th but he would haven’t any other way. This cuts deeper than me ever not knowing why he is absent

[@SweetUareDesi]

Accept and be grateful… you will eventually become indifferent

[@h.neubert8770]

I am sorry. He is so out of order to have said that to you.

[@SignedBlake]

On one hand I completely understand why you would. On the other hand, it will always be the parent’s responsibility to parent and as children, we can’t make them do that. That’s for them to understand and heal - the best we can do is genuinely wish them the best, but not wait.

[@_simply_beeh_]

@@h.neubert8770 thank you

[@_simply_beeh_]

@@SweetUareDesi I actually have…

[@pilgrim-77]

Very well put, Natalie. I had never before connected the dots that not being available emotionally is equally as damaging as not being there physically. I suppose there are emotionally absent mothers as well. Thank God for saving me from being a complete train wreck and redeeming my life.

[@cafangytang1700]

I’ve always wondered how i may have been changed as a person, ever since my father passed away. This happened 7 years ago, and it has since left a void that my mom has always constantly tried to fill. Of course, her constant care and strict parenting to try to fill both roles wasn’t entirely in vain, it did help shape me as a respectable young women. However, I’ve always longed for a father figure, and the void has since never left me.

[@charlesweinberg527]

Everyone is the same story! Just different details! Charles

[@ansumanadoumbia3196]

Did your mom promote your father or blame him? Did you make any effort to understand your father's circumstances?

[@antoinettenovella1630]

Sorry you missed out on having a physically and emotionally present father.

[@nyx9168]

yeah thats the best way to describe it, a void.

[@kyladawson4944]

Most of our stories are like this. I was fatherless and so is my daughter. How do we break the cycle????

[@mikebrandenburg9922]

By starting to accept the importance of fathers, and start creating a situation where the father is actively part of the children's lives. One look at the judicial system shows, that fathers are there to pay for their children and it is where in general all rights end. There are some really good TED talks about this issue. It is also really nice to learn how dads build their emotional bond with their children (we do not give birth so we do not have the release of all the hormones that connects mo0ms with their children and we need to accept that dads are not moms and our parenting is completely different from that of women, we complete each other.

[@flueepwrien6587]

dont have children

[@lindaaben]

Choose different types of partners. Someone that really wants to be in your life someone genuine

[@flueepwrien6587]

@@lindaaben u know thats hard to tell...

[@q.t.gamingfamily]

@@flueepwrien6587 at least not until AFTER he finds you worthy enough to get his name. If he refuses to claim you then you should not give him access to your womb.

[@thepokergod1980]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 Great message. I agree 💯 % There’s a reason for everything. No excuses for abusive behavior, but knowing the why expedites the healing process ✌🏿

[@Ms.Chan.T]

I was a fatherless (and motherless) daughter. Through my personal spiritual journey, I learned that, from how I responded to authority, I was not used to receiving male authority, discipline, correction, structure. In the military, I bucked against male authority, and with female supervision I wanted to fight. This was indicative of my upbringing because my father was absent and when I did see him, he had no authority, he was weak, beta male and I saw him get "dominated" by his wife. But with female caregivers (foster care) it was filled with confrontation, bullying, combativeness, envy, and jealousy. So I saw them as enemies. It was eye-opening for me.

[@taylorduvernay9789]

Very interesting intake. However, some of us did seek to understand why our fathers were absent in our lives, but we were met with 2nd, 3rd, ....10th rejection from our fathers. The anger and resentment is not something we voluntarily carry, but it's something we fell into as a default and turned to be our survival mechanism .

[@lourodriguez2739]

Good job 👍 your delivery was an asset to my being

[@sararichardson737]

My father left when i was 8. I attempted to see him when i was 25. Flew across the world to see him and he stood me up. He died 3 yrs later making no attempt to contact me in those years.

[@h.neubert8770]

So sorry. 😔

[@DTreatz]

Your mother made poor choices in men. 💊

[@wisper21s]

Excellent presentation! Thank you, Natalie.

[@sherlocklone]

I am here learning about all this because someone needs help with all this. Wish I can help and hope the person atleast tries for their own sake. Thanks!

[@ivadedeva7005]

You are describing me and my father! And I did not know that I was suffering from that!

[@TyJohnson85]

Soooooo powerful wow sooooo powerful

[@miag1802]

This was phenomenal. Thank you.

[@lochan8180]

I do not know if you believe in God, but I pray that He reveal Himself to you and show you WHO YOU REALLY ARE in His eyes. You are GOD'S BELOVED CHILD. You may not have experienced your earthly father's love, but please know in your heart that your Eternal Father has loved you even before you were born... and He will always do. That's what makes GOD a reliable Father to ALL OF US. Who He was before, He is still the same God today. That's your REAL FATHER, our real Father who we can always depend on. We can not see Him but His Words are found in the BIBLE. That's the best LIFE MANUAL we can have for guidance. I hope you'll find your REAL IDENTITY in Him. GOD LOVES YOU.

[@IAMPhotography1]

Amen. Thank you 🙂

[@VALiantiosous]

Unless the father is an abuser, an addict, a narcissist, a sociopath. Many women don't involve the fathers because they would harm their children.

[@VALiantiosous]

@Ky Jelly yes, but look at the stats for abusive men, much higher than women. I am a single mom who was tortured by my son’s sociopathic father for 11 years before finally getting the evidence needed for a PO. But I still live in fear of him killing me everyday of my life. I have met many single mothers in the same situation as mine. And I don’t see why a single mom would not want to involve the father if he is a healthy, safe person. Being a single mom is extremely hard.

[@VALiantiosous]

@Ky Jelly I never said all men are bad by the way. I don't believe that. I said sometimes women can't involve the fathers for safety reasons.

[@christineleyns9864]

@@VALiantiosous It is a bit more complex with a narcistic father, since he is not immediatly dangerous for the physical integrity of the child. Still, having lived belitteled and with a lowered self esteem for many years, it still gives the fear that the lies and manipulation can cause mental health problems in the children. Since it is more subtle, it feels like you have to shape a balance between giving them the right to see and know their father and try to provide them with sufficient wisdom so that they learn to seperate their love from an absolute need of believing what he says

[@timeforce80]

@@VALiantiosous that's Bs it's mostly women

[@VALiantiosous]

@@christineleyns9864 sorry to hear about hte abuse. many narc fathers are very dangerous for the physical endangerment of the child! mine was caught leaving his baby and toddler in a car! he let my son jump off the roof. i could make a list. they have no regard for safety protocols as they are to self-obsessed and just don't care. it is better to block the narc father from the child's life to prevent continual trauma and drama.

[@ghettomelody]

In order to find the right man to have children with you need to study his lifestyle habits. Does he check on his family? Does he visit casinos? Does he have several phones to keep track of different women? When he drives his car does he drive always with out his family members? When he goes to restaurants does he invite his family or only his friends?

[@Blondiee777]

Dear some women - Stop getting pregnant to these absolute losers and then wondering why your kids end up as broken people. This is to my own Mother and absent Father too. Think its time we all started raising our standards and self respect as both men and women.

[@sararichardson737]

I shall remain child free rather than be a single Mother.

[@q.t.gamingfamily]

I kind of disagree with this. I believe that children need both mother and father but they don't necessarily have to be cohabitating. You can raise great children if you are BOTH equally involved in the child. I don't recommend miserable people staying together for the children because you make them miserable too.

[@anitaneal1779]

Many women have children by casual partners that have no desire to raise a family with her but she has the child being told that she can do it on her own and encouraged to have the child and sue the father. This is why there are so many absent fathers.

[@q.t.gamingfamily]

@@anitaneal1779 idk if that's the same as what I'm referring to. It's not an absent father when both are engaged.

[@anitaneal1779]

@@q.t.gamingfamily I don’t understand why people take for granted that both parents are going to be involved. It’s not going to always be that way no matter what!

[@q.t.gamingfamily]

@@anitaneal1779 what does that have to do with what I'm talking about, Anita?

[@anitaneal1779]

@@q.t.gamingfamily The question my dear was how to get father’s involved but the host started the conversation after the child is born. I’m starting at the beginning when we decide to bear children from a man and providing a solution.

[@gabrielleekpe9425]

then again people who are mentally suffering from the absence of their father that just makes me think as though they are looking for more patience to explain themselves.

[@siyonatheres]

What if he's physically present, emotionally abusive and absent too? And scary and unpredictable and controlling?

[@jomarvega2153]

Very well put together. Unfortunately I don’t want to reconnect with him. His never done anything with his life therefore I see no benefit.

[@michelle_ca8549]

Yep there’s a real problem with men and fathering skills. A conversation may make you feel better temporarily, but it’s their behaviors and willingness to be aware of their lack that children to adults don’t receive.

[@rainshower3173]

How can I help a fatherless daughter? She always choose a man who doesn't care about her. And is there a correlation to cheating behaviour?

[@wilhelmvg9978]

Either build a time machine or let her go buddy

[@sararichardson737]

Yep

[@ionlypostonceayear._.5537]

Nice!!!

[@emilywensink7265]

Can you send me a link to your sources? Specifically, the study done by Jallow, Cookland, and Wade?

[@mikesean1990]

Yes. A mother cannot both mother and father

[@codyherndon2097]

To solve this issue we need to end the war on men and masculinity

[@annmarieoconnell9735]

there is no war on men. Amazing how again a man is not taking responsibility

[@jurikowhy359]

The war is in your mind

[@pamietries1183]

Is that why My Father Left?

[@wilhelmvg9978]

Oh so that’s why my father abandoned his family, it wasn’t his fault. Ok.

[@juanpablosanchezaveleyra6454]

@@annmarieoconnell9735 Yes there is a war against men, ans the fact that you attack someone that has a different opinion is the evidence, as a fatherless man who never knew how to be a man I can tell you that you have no idea of what you are talking about.

[@ADIBOBLOX]

im too fatherless :(

[@seanwallace89]

A) stop incentivizing women to marry the govt instead of the father via welfare. B) start incentivizing marriage. C) stop demeaning masculinity D) celebrate gender roles instead of attempting to destroy them.

[@jclaer]

Do government welfare payments cause fathers increasingly to disappear?

[@SweetUareDesi]

No, lol. Reproductive abuse does

[@alesiabrazil5786]

Right men can be in the home but so emotionally distant from theor children and womder why noone wants to real with them as they get older.

[@michaelowino228]

HI

[@lourodriguez2739]

How could father's reconnect when the father's been through trama themselves. And don't know how to connect. I see a need for psychologist to help by not diagnosis medicine by applying therapies, music, art, dance, drumming. For the young souls that are growing daily.

[@wilhelmvg9978]

They just need to be available and be able to listen, even if it hurts. If they can’t do that then yeah, psychotherapy is probably the best idea among other self care routines

[@baconphillip]

When the court system makes it financially and emotionally impossible to be involved in child's life, you see these outcomes.

[@SweetUareDesi]

Stop spreading lies

[@DTreatz]

@@SweetUareDesi statistics aren't lies, you just can't math.

[@karenholtzclaw3135]

👍

[@alesiabrazil5786]

When you make a concious decision to walk out of your childs life for whatever reason, you have lost out as a person. There is no excuse ever to walk out on your child. Its never. Idc what men say. That is poor character on men who put their own childish emotions in front of their childsn needs.

[@Elver-Galarga-marbleave]

Cant make anyone be a father

[@mikecamacho1934]

Always the father's fault huh.... sometimes mother's block father's from being fathers

[@antwonguidry1883]

@ Mike. No one can block you from being a father. Never give up.✌️

[@mikecamacho1934]

@@atp6201 I disagree

[@zambriajackson4646]

Well then this doesn’t apply to you sir. Detach yourself

[@Lolasrice]

Nothing in this world could stop me from seeing my own child. I’d fight until the end.

[@leishi7037]

Well I know my EX’s mother blocked her husband interacting with his own son (my EX). She did this to revenge the fact that he had other women. As a result my EX grew up in a Christian family that looked perfect on the outside yet inside he had no father for his entire childhood. In order to avoid arguments and fights his father always left the house and “ went to work”.

[@LesyaAbdulzade]

Some women think if they can trapped the man by pregnancy , but not always the man will stay with them, the kids will grow up with one parent

[@SweetUareDesi]

lol. Men trap women with children.. not the other way around. Then, abandonment follows