The "Ick": Why Sudden Disgust Comes Online In Relationships & What We Can Do About It

[@raejunipero]

Heidi, if you see this: Your channel is absolutely changing my life and I'm so happy every time you post. Very grateful that you share your wisdom with us. Thank you thank you thank you!!

[@antiderrida2117]

An ick is something that collapses an idealized fantasy of your partner. If you are susceptible to splitting, your partner goes from amazing to terrible in an instant.

[@DramaLlama2310]

Good point and food for thought!

[@simonwilson7581]

Then you have to fight the battle of walking away and disappointing them, or suppressing your own feelings. The feeling doesn't go away and then you end up in a situationship without commitment or consistency from your side. The other person is left confused and unable to walk away because they miss the good times before you got the ick.

[@Look4beauty]

Good insight! I have had success with unsplitting after having split on someone, so I've learned to try to ride the wave to give it time to pass. Sometimes it's weeks and weeks before it passes. Once it passes, I often write my future self a note about why to stay when the urge to leave comes up due to splitting

[@Puuws]

for me its just something I strongly reject, also for myself, like giving into fear in a strong way. Then I cant find them attractive anymore bc I see they lack the inner strength/will to grow and overcome. Repulsion and shame are also a helpfull signal from your heart you are steering too far off from who you really are and giving too much power/dignity/authenticity away. Just like guilt, its good to listen to when it comes from your own heart. People who dont listen to their inner shame, demean themselves or lose their innocense when they numb guilt. Very diffrent then when its projected on you trough guilttripping or rejection by others of course

[@PRKLGaming]

I dont think Heidi is talking about splitting at all here

[@Andriak2]

I had a strong reaction at 8:30 when you described how our body creates the ick to get you to set the boundaries you havent felt able to. Like YES omg this is so enlightening

[@blugirl214]

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me at the same time.”

[@lyndadoerner5341]

@@blugirl214 💛👍

[@caitlin9781]

I love this!! I hate modern dating advice that tells you to just “stop getting the ick”. That’s not helpful. The signals from our body are always trying to tell us something, it’s just a matter of figuring out what they’re saying and why. Thank you Heidi because you’re the the best!!

[@edgeofthewaterfall]

It’s fascinating seeing all the people in the comments saying that actually people who get the ick are just immature and narcissistic and unable to tolerate relationships. I guess it’s easier than accepting that disgust and contempt are universal human emotions that we all experience at some point or other in close relationships. It also seems like it’s too painful for a lot of people to come to terms with the fact that people they loved who distanced themselves felt disgust towards them.

[@caitlin9781]

@ agreed! I saw those comments too and they kinda irked me lol. Suppression and denial of parts of yourself is not maturity. rather, it pushes those things further into your blindspot or shadow, which just makes them actually have more control over you! Just my opinion lol

[@MyNameIsntDamien]

I'm a simple man. When KZbin puts a new Heidi video in my up next feed, I click on it. I don't care what I was watching, it can wait.

[@porteauloin]

HAHA SAME!

[@LuckyDog_13]

Yeah, same. She’s my only ‘notify everything’ subscription here.

[@bojohannesen4352]

Yes. You are a simpleton.

[@cmangiapane5846]

She’s a genius. 🤓

[@autismion]

it's too long and there's too many for my attention span, especially since i've pretty much given up on relationships, even platonic. but maybe her attachment style videos could be worth watching?

[@alyssaluck]

THANK YOU. I've been searching high and low for good content about "the ick" and kept coming up dry. I am so glad you made this, and it did not disappoint. I've gotten value from many of your videos, but the timing of this one was nigh miraculous.

[@lyndadoerner5341]

“It is about how you relate to eachother”, paused it right there. To me this connects to when people only see you as the person playing the role with which they are most comfortable.

[@lisbethbird8268]

✅nevermind your own level of comfortable. Ick is the reaction to someone who views You as an object in Their narrative. Ick.

[@camillathomas6222]

Heidi, this could not have come out at a better time. I've been experiencing this at random short intervals (lasting under 15 minutes ) for the last two months about my poor, sweet boyfriend at without warning. This video helped me understand the underlying core of those feelings. I have been so stressed and guilty about the way I've felt. I feel more positive about the future now that I have these tools to process that emotion.

[@LemonThymeArt]

The ick might point towards... 6:25 A need to set a boundary, or to make space to express a personal want/need 10:02 Misattunement with interpersonal signals (e.g. Not showing/seeing discomfort) 14:40 Internalized shame 17:43 Differences in values -- take-aways -- "The ick" = Feeling of disgust and repulsion. This emotion doesn't necessarily mean something objectively bad about either person. Rather, disgust is just another emotion giving us information about our needs and values. Examining this feeling and the possible subconscious context around it can lead to more honest and compassionate relationships with ourselves and others.

[@tara4610]

Wow. Lightbulb moment at 9:00. I have not been setting boundaries in my relationship for a very long time and at a certain point, my body is just saying “no”.

[@ladywithasword4587]

I love specifically what you said about the projection of one's own shame onto others. That's something I struggle with a lot. Right now I've gotten to the point of being able to recognize when that's happening internally and what the actual source of judgment is, but actually unwriting the judgment is a work in progress.

[@lisbethbird8268]

💙

[@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617]

Right, because it's been conditioned into you your whole life until now, so you won't be able to undo it in a few weeks, or even months. This ick happens for me often when I see people asking for help with things I believe you should be able to work out on your own, but then I realized I was just resentful that they thought asking for help was their prerogative while I had a ton of shame surrounding it. Add to it another layer of toxic shame around always needing (but not always managing) to be of service to others to that cocktail, and now you have a legitimate Molotov of frustration. Undoing it demands a work of precision, since self-reliance isn't remotely a bad thing at all and neither is relying on others, it's merely the shame and disgust that need to be addressed and deactivated.

[@ChiChi-kz8bw]

Heidi’s videos are so helpful! One suggestion is that in future videos, can you talk more about how secure attached people actually behave in different situations? For us insecurely attached folks, we’d actually start mimicking those behaviors before we can slowly internalize and eventually earn that badges

[@georockstar09]

Before therapy I definitely used to have the ick for any kind of expression of affection, because yes, my parents were abusive and neglectful in weird ways and either ignored or rejected those expressions in myself. In my adulthood I managed to slowly grow out of that. I've been slowly learning that certain positive expressions (joy, love, comfort) were met with deep negativity from my parents, which is just mind boggling when I look back at it. But it was the "normal" for me, it's all I knew about intimate relationship. Love is "yuck". By some paradoxical luck, unlike other victims of abuse, I became really good at making friends and have been able to let myself give and receive love, but it was certainly a journey.

[@saraantonangeli9283]

Dear Heidi, I just wanted to really thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work. Your videos about limerence, toxic shame and anxious attachment have opened windows inside of me and soothed a little bit my day to day life. Living with CPTSD can be... well, exhausting. I finally know why I was feeling like this... I feel like this is a new beginning for me and for my love life. I know this isn't much. I just wanted to buy you a coffee and say THANK YOU. Never stop!

[@NikkiEdmunds]

Unfortunately, that’s exactly how I ended up feeling about my ex. He just couldn’t stop talking about other women in my presence, constantly claiming that they were attracted to him. I absolutely felt repulsed/disgusted towards him. I love your videos, Heidi. Blessings.

[@Hafhafnhaf]

That seems like a legitimate reason to be disgusted and end the relationship. Sorry you went through that.

[@jamesdoyle2769]

Ick is a very measured response to that kind of thing.

[@nicholelejeune3503]

Girl. I feel this 👏 major ick !!!! totally thought he was kidding for the longest…ughhhhh

[@edenmoody]

He sounds like a narcissist or at minimum abusive

[@grat2010]

Wow, the connection you made between the Ick and toxic shame and being shamebound was eye opening! Another great video. Thanks Heidi!

[@caseyhunted]

It can be a real horrible experience to be on the receiving end of a person having "the ick" about you, especially when it means being nuked. I sort of had an idea what was going on, but had to accept there was nothing I could do about it but watch them burn everything down. The video gives voice and depth to the experience, and makes it just a smidge easier to handle. Thanks for what you do.

[@HeidiPriebe-Il]

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[@TwiskAC]

Agree, same.. I learned about attachment theory *while* in a situationship with an FA. Got to see him deactivate and get the ick in real time (and then discarded) while knowing what was happening, fun stuff! You can see them start to nitpick stuff you do (for me it was taking too long getting ready for bed), go from being in happy bliss to avoiding your eyes and feeling uncomfortable in your presence. Interesting stuff if it wasn't so painful (I've had some time & distance from it now)

[@ellalla281]

I usually feel disgust when someone tries to manipulate me.

[@pantherman8719]

Yup. You should feel that way. Kindness makes you a target.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

That's a healthy ick! I have that one too.

[@christiangreen2324]

But don't all humans do that ? Everyone manipulates each other to some extent, humans manipulate each other in very subtle ways

[@ellalla281]

@christiangreen2324 no, I often get puzzled looks, when I talk about it.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@christiangreen2324 No, oddly enough.

[@douglasmcgregor5511]

Wow, this describes exactly some relationships in the past where I felt something wasn’t right about all of it! It’s like they weren’t seeing me at all, they were just living in a fantasy world and seeing what they want to see. And I think that still happens with people who don’t even know me. Cheers.

[@SuperDflower]

Brilliant video. I was once having a little argument with a house made of mine and I walked into my room and close the door sat down on the bed and I heard this voice in my head said, “we create conflict when we wish we had another option but we don’t feel empowered. “ I sat with that for a while thinking about it and I found it to be one of the most true things about relationships. What she said about the ick, Makes perfect sense to me. It’s not that someone who experiences the ick isn’t having an actual experience, But one day you can be fine with some thing and the next day you’re really disgusted by it. I consider that to be similar to creating conflict in order to wake yourself up on some level that there’s something that you’re not getting that you need and then perhaps you don’t feel that you’re able to get. Brilliant video

[@TheComicChild]

Thank you! You have a relaxing voice and the content is well-organized and you make interesting stuff vivid!! Please don't stop or at least release an audiobook/dvd set😅

[@Protectionandblessings]

This is incredibly helpful to remind myself not to be so judgmental towards my own feelings and reactions to people.

[@LightBeingsBE]

Heidi this is the best channel on KZbin for growing from CPTSD and moving towards secure attachment style... wish i found you sooner but i feel that i am secure now.

[@LornaLens]

in this, she means when she says "online" that disgust is happening, occurring, that it just "occurs", "happens", or is "activated" " She doesn't mean on the internet; I was a little confused, so just in case. Incredibly insightful that disgust is masking another emotion like anger, asking you to dig deeper that you need to identify and understand so you can conclude why the disgust is there. Brilliant.

[@inthenebula92]

I am so excited for this one!! This has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember ETA: I am about 5 minutes in and had an epiphany I wanted to share. I would typically have the disgust response after a limerent object returned interest--it would be so bad I'd feel sick to my stomach. I thought it was intimacy in general but you got me thinking about it from another angle. I paused the video and started thinking about what the disgust was trying to say and realized I was choosing completely the wrong people to be with romantically. I have a problem trying to connect to people I can understand and rescue, but the disgust problem came up because I think those relationships could be fine and I enjoy helping people, but they are NOT supposed to be romantic connections. This is the first time I recognized my own preferences and that I didn't want to partner with someone like that. I think I have ingested so much messaging about people who are traumatized, insecure, etc. deserving love, that I felt too guilty admitting I didn't want to connect that way to them. I want to clarify too that it's not having issues that puts me off, but the people I typically went for lacked awareness or seemed immature, and this was the source of disgust--fitting since those were the qualities of my parents. Thank you for helping me reach this epiphany Heidi 🙏

[@MarinaChulkina]

Dear Heidi, thank you so much for your outstanding and very kind and gentle explanation of how people can stop to screw up their lifes and harm each other. Your videos were nonstop background of very long and painful post-breakup year. This inner work and reflection on your videos changed me. Self-compassion became not the word for someone better than me, but just my everyday life. It was not easy)). Thank you! ❤

[@Valamista]

This video is going to help a lot of people because unlike other videos which focus on existing inside a relationship, this one does that AND addresses an issue which prevents relationships from forming or developing.

[@Jaala.divine]

Moral of the lesson: identify your needs Express yourself & said needs Honor your boundaries Be honest with yourself and your loved ones!!!

[@lindseyneon1771]

On behalf of American viewers like myself, currently getting the ick over our partner’s politics, thank you.

[@derwoodhamburger]

Trump 2024 🎉

[@ravenmill]

Basic human decency should be reflected in someone's politics. It's understandable to get the "ick" over people's political opinions, especially if their politics are inherently hateful to groups of people. Sending my love and support to any American going through difficult relationships right now. ❤

[@darkcrystalmagik3369]

That has to be incredibly difficult in the current political era...I have experienced this years ago, throughout my 20s, my values/ politics have Always been so important to me, that it led to some ppl who wanted to get me into a relationship misrepresentating THEIR beliefs... I've ended relationships when I discovered it, but 2 yrs in that is far from easy. 😖 Politics are deeply personal, it's so important to feel your partner shares the ideals that are so important to you ... here's hoping you can find resolution. I'm lucky AF to have found a partner without any political differences- & we hash out political issues A LOT. But it's been SUCH a comfort to have him , now more than ever. ( of course in a decade together we've had plenty of arguments & conflict, bc our personalities, cognitive processes & communication style are radically different😂 lol ) Every good loving person deserves a partner who shares their values.

[@headofathousandsheepswool]

​@@derwoodhamburgerhow can you be on a channel about self help and compassion and say shit like that

[@derwoodhamburger]

@@headofathousandsheepswool I wasn't the one who brought up politics. Everyone has their own opinions on the US election and people need to learn how to deal with it

[@Dani-r1s]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have been needing this explained for years, since I am on the avoidant end myself. It's been difficult for me to deal with that ick feeling and move through it. So much in this video!!! I will save it and watch it likely many times, but I've already gained some much needed clarity on my current relationship. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

[@saharaofthedeep]

Heidi, what a great video! Your channel is the best resource I've found so far for information on understanding avoidant attachment. I really appreciate the information 😌

[@akselalchemy]

I love this video and found it super helpful. I resonated a lot with feeling disgusted from boundaries being violated and lack of attunement, but I really struggled to figure out what i was experiencing and had a lot of shame around it. Thank you🖤

[@MarinaChulkina]

Thanks!

[@socialworkgroupa5256]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@47151632]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@ejmabrothers6743]

Yes Steve_porss1, I share similar experiences with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction. Psilocybin mushrooms have been a game-changer for me, aiding greatly in my recovery and sobriety."

[@יוסימניאק]

I wish those were more accessible here. Microdosing was the next thing I planned for my husband. He's 59 & facing many mental health issues, probably CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma for 8 days. Sadly, I had to get a TPO because he's 6'6, over 300 pounds, and displaying violent behavior, always talking about hurting others. He's really aggressive. If anyone out there knows about BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?

[@47151632]

Is he on instagram?

[@ejmabrothers6743]

Steve_porss1 is the man

[@marije8562]

This is something that I really needed... gonna watch this in the morning, this is food for thought and I'm too tired to think rn

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.

[@DemiDesignsBlenheim]

Dive into detachment, and introspection to what quality was in that person that you need to increase in yourself, as part of your rehab or detox from them. Thats one way you can honour and validate your experience from yourself, to yourself. Honouring one self and grief is vital

[@Rio-db4ep]

Once you get the ick, I feel like it can't be undone, regardless of the cause, Even if I identify the root cause, It feels pretty final.

[@solomonelijah]

the way i CLUTCH you and watch you every day and tell EVERYONE about you

[@mashallah3045]

Crazy how these vids find me when I need them. Thank you as always you eloquent queen

[@ericniles4867]

Thanks for helping me to understand the emotion of disgust better and with a fair amount of curiosity! My recovery circle is always bringing up the idea that we learn from our pain. I think it is just as important to learn from our anger and disgust as well as from despair brought about by pain.😅

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@RodCornholio]

Can’t wait for the “homicidal sadistic rage” feelings episode.

[@aussiejubes]

Hahahaha I need to see that episode. I feel that most often when I hit my head on something like a kitchen cupboard but it could be over anything 😂

[@Ultramowing]

yeah thats a tough one for those of us raised as dogs.

[@MeloniousThunk]

@@Ultramowing what do you mean by that?

[@Ultramowing]

@@MeloniousThunk theres a book called the boy who was raised as a dog. when you experience extensive torture, neglect, and other forms of abuses there can develop a desire to kill ones abusers.

[@netherjosh]

Another banger, Heidi! X ) I wish I'd known about this, and using emotional responses as a diagnostic tool a long, long time ago. I will definitely add this as another tool in my emotional utility belt, and I'm hoping that I find someone to practice being secure with so I can use all the info like this I've gained and really practice.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

I absolutely love and appreciate your psychoanalytical analogies so much! ❤(thank you once again for speaking in my visually oriented language) ☺️

[@JulieGiordano-zi8vl]

Visually oriented language!!!! Yeasssss

[@bf423]

WOW I have been searching for clarity on this topic since forever, finally someone's making sense out of this. Thank you Heidi 🙏

[@Grace-lw4hd]

I have no words- thank you so much!

[@bramble-95]

Heidi, I just really wanted to thank you for making these videos. I've been dealing with severe depression and anxiety for 10 years and in that entire time I have not had a single therapist who could figure out what I was struggling with, until I discovered through your videos that I'm anxiously attached, especially towards my mom. After so many years of feeling hopeless and like there was something wrong with me I can finally work towards a better life because of you and I'm really really grateful ❤

[@mahnoor2775]

Heidi, please drop your recommended book list! You have s wealth of information and I would love to read the books that have shaped your thinking ❤

[@kirtidagautam6786]

This video was so timely for me. For the past many months, my partner and I have been having fights, and now I know that this ick is at the heart of it.

[@Kansas_Joel_]

The timing of this video is impeccable. Thank you!

[@Jaala.divine]

This message was so timely. Thank you for the insight 💎

[@solomonelijah]

but why did this come exactly when i needed it? i was just exploring with my therapist why i feel so DISGUSTED all the time and like stuff makes me sick. i’m always going UGH yuck all the time and feeling mad. it’s because i need to honor my contempt more.

[@Otatta]

Thank you Heidi Thank you thank you so much I’ve been watching your videos for a long time and yesterday, when I was watching your self intimacy video something clicked in my head and I realized my father was a great father but I never told him I needed him more than he was able to be there for me. I went to him and for the first time in life, spilt all of my hurt I hid from father for 25 years. My father was able to give the love I needed even though he’s very awkward at it and I feel like a completely different person. I feel capable and loved and worth it. Thank you so so much for all the tips and understanding you gave me. Thank you thank you thank you

[@whiggygirl]

OMGGGG as another FA, this has blown my mind!!!

[@Wonderwhy39]

Heidi, thank you so much! I just understood one situation in my present when I feel unexplained disgust for someone in my live. Don't know how to thank you, one like is not enough!

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@DrAmgadSquires]

Holy **** is this ever landing deeply with me. Thank you Heide-this is incredibly revealing and helpful. Now to figure out what to do about it...

[@GlendonGross]

Thanks for your transparency about your own emotional processes in this video. I feel that I am improving my emotional intelligence from watching your videos, because you're giving me a language to understand my own shame-bound emotions. An alternative title that would have worked for this video would have been "How to Avoid Splitting", in the BPD sense of the word. It reallly seems powerful to be able to take that disgust and understand it as a reflection of different values. The fact that the disgust turned into grief as you processed it and realized that you were incompatible with the person seems to suggest that you were setting a healthy boundary with the person. I find your videos extremely helpful.

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@VeenaSiddegowda]

One of the best eye opening on disgust emotions......it resonated and mainly validated what I was going through which I had no help ...it is indeed diff in value and I had to step away and keeping my disgust feeling towards this person as she is steals others credit, others experience and other women's men...... It was my body saying she is not safe for me . .thank u for this video

[@frannyowen]

Hi Heidi! I think your approach and explanation of Attachment Theory is digestible, relatable, and concise. I tried to search for a podcast to see if you had one, but I couldn’t find anything. I’ll be the annoying internet person: You should absolutely have a podcast, you’re great!

[@xoxo3703]

THE QUEEN HAS SPOKEN✨

[@Raven74947]

Hey Heidi, just want to say, you're videos have really helped me out recently with navigating dating after a looong break. And just understanding myself better in general. Thanks.

[@shiffanahesmail800]

Thank you seems like a small word to show my gratitude for sharing your knowledge and personal experience. Your insights are life changing.

[@HeidiPriebe-Il]

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[@CascadiaK]

FA attachment style. Got the ick in my last relationship randomly after a wonderful night together. Thought "I'm so lucky." And about 5 minutes later, it hit. Shook it off, thought I was crazy. Couldn't get out of deactivation. As I found out soon enough, her behavior became extremely clingy, she continued to try and micromanage me, change me, violate my boundaries and eventually told me I need to get off my anti-depressants. Safe to say it didn't work out.

[@chioma5633]

You realise some of the clinginess comes from her realising you pulled back

[@sasb3675]

I also have an FA attachment and have been on both sides of this - when I’ve deactivated the other person becomes ‘clingy’ and that’s because they have sensed a shift in you, I know that because I’ve been on the receiving end of the other person deactivating which caused me to become ‘clingy’ because I sensed a shift in their energy and panicked.

[@edgeofthewaterfall]

I think it’s interesting that you didn’t even say what you did after feeling this “ick” but people are so triggered by the word “clingy” that they’re responding by blaming you for her actions. People have VERY strong reactions to the words “clingy” or “needy” and I think it’s because disgust is implied.

[@memeaw2537]

I don’t have a partner currently but I can relate with feeling the ick due to toxic shame and seeing another person partake in something I consider disgusting. I have a little sister and she reminds me a lot about my younger self and a lot of the time I get the ick. I realized that this was because of my own toxic shame but it’s really hard to still not feel disgust even though I know where it’s from. Whenever she does anything that gives me the ick it’s like my body just shuts off any emotional responses and I just become avoidant. I’m afraid that this will perpetuate the toxic shame. I’m scarred that she’ll hate herself too because of my response to her feelings but I don’t know what to do exactly. I just try to not come off as I usually do and try to be more involved but it’s hard most of the time. It’s like my brain malfunctions

[@simonwilson7581]

Thank you so much Heidi and everyone in this community. Your videos are always so accurate word-for-word, and timely for me. You have helped me unwrap and process so many emotions these past years, I am immensely greatful!

[@elisabettacomin3450]

if you let her cook, she'll serve. Love you Heidi !!!!!

[@georockstar09]

Hey I'm talked about in this video!! I was the person who asked you the context of the kiss! Good times!

[@michaeljessen3161]

Glad to see you back

[@carolinlovelifecoach]

Finding faults and feeling ick might be an escape if you are afraid of falling in love and risk getting hurt.

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@lukitupi8643]

This is so helpful. Hope u never stop making those videos!

[@kiskacsi]

I really like the thorough exploration and explanation of the ICK and reframing the whole ICK experience on a way that I can use it to identify reasons.

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@marcthomas6545]

Glad to see new videos from you!

[@emmadeneransome]

Again, Heidi, your timing couldn’t be better. Thank you.

[@HeidiPriebe-Il]

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[@kaseydey4651]

Excellent delivery I’m subscribing

[@musikamusika1736]

Heidi helped me so much during my rock bottom. And her videos continue helping me improve as a person. There's a weird feeling I noticed though, it's hard for me to watch her videos as of now, because her voice reminds me of the period I was at the rock bottom, since I was binging her videos during that time, and I'm overcome with anxiety. It's such a weird Pavlov's dogs thing. I hope I'll get over it soon, because her videos changed, and are keep changing my mentality for the better. (Nothing against her voice, it's objectively confident and soothing)

[@MsTara007]

Oh my god, you are just brilliant! You state everything so simply, but i know how much self work is needed to rrally understand what you are saying...been at it for 15years and im just starting to come out of reactivity and starting to see things as you are explaining. Amazing content, thank you 🙏

[@kashmirirose3733]

About 20 years ago, I went out on a date with a woman, then the next day I caught a flu. I felt lousy, and she called me. When I told her that I was sick, she started "baby talking" me and I was just overcome with disgust. I thought it was that she called me at the wrong time. Unfortunately, I called it off, and she did not take it well.

[@catboxcleaner3532]

Relational Gold, Heidi. Thank you.

[@moseskibazo3896]

Hi HP. Good evening. Thanks for the book 'This is me letting you go' Am learning alot and healing.From Kenya

[@robertobata4338]

What I mean to say in this comment is that in addition to your intent to inform the confusion we might be feeling within ourselves I believe it is so admirable that you reflect a genuine empathy for the public at large. I am experiencing a post traumatic election syndrome because the incoming president and his following do not seem to have any empathy for anyone else but themselves. While I do not begrudge their self interest I despair for the progressive values that so many people must acknowledge is advancing in centimeters. I can only encourage to you to continue what I see as a profoundly concerned humanism.

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@robertobata4338]

@ The reference eludes me but I’m sure it’s not unkind.

[@gmosworld]

This is SO helpful thank you so much for this video 🙏

[@jazznutz]

I live the idea of really trying to zero in on the specific ick and possibly not throw the whole person out.

[@Judybloom799]

Wow. That was very insightful 😮

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@karen0karen]

oooh...interesting. I had an extreme ick with a guy I was dating. He kissed me, I was totally ok with being kissed, but he...and this is how I experienced it..."he launched his lips towards me" which was bizarre and then his lips were hard, like, super pursed. I have honestly never had such a terrible kiss. I felt a big ick and he knew I did. We talked about it and I was ok with teaching him to kiss better. However, he could not get over it and the relationship failed...for that reason and quite a few other reasons.

[@GlendonGross]

I love the use of "to context" as a transitive verb.

[@nink199]

I love you. This problem seems to come up for me, when I'm really happy about what my s/o does. I jump to things we're not really compatible in then (like preferences in certain areas). It's more about control I guess. I'm scared I won't have control about my feelings but they're dependant on other people's behaviour.

[@closethockeyfan5284]

It depends on the person, but sometimes the ick is simply someone too immature to tolerate often basic things.

[@forkrunner2313]

Simplistic statement

[@Fgway]

It's been explained elsewhere on YT fairly well. There are many causes but it's the unconscious response to less masculine behavior. Even the best of us can perform some ick, pulling us away from a dream-guy status. If you're never conscious about it like she's saying, it can wreck a dynamic.

[@libertasdemocratiam887]

Or it's someone who hasn't been told the total truth, been told the other person is fine, then when you try to make them laugh....when everything is supposed to be fine...cos one party the one who gets the ick, can't discuss issues or deal with conflict. Then they direct anything the other does, trying to be nice and move forward, towards disgust. ... litterally just lived it. Thought I was the problem, I'm part of the problem, but by and large it was the fact I ended up with a fearful avoidant who can't communicate...at all.

[@llimettime]

Did you even watch the video?

[@Dharmadog12]

Wow. So insightful and helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏻 ❤

[@Behappy4ever-i7y]

I got the ick for a former boss. Had to leave the company.

[@francespotter7697]

I have very little faith that anyone I might try to start a relationship with would have the same level of interest as I do in this kind of self-examination and self-reflection. Let alone be able to communicate about it. What partner wants to hear that I'm feeling disgust towards them and then is going to stay engaged while I try to work out where it's coming from? I don't think most ordinary people have the time or inclination for it. In fact I don't know how people manage to stay together at all as any number of differences in values or behaviour can end a relationship. Seems it's a lonely game whichever way you slice it. I totally understand why so many people I know have just given up on the idea of ever being in relationship.

[@mvandell]

Full power consciousness blessings to you Heidi and to everyone who's getting what is really going on🙏❤️💯🔥

[@Wookien]

To me the problem is more in reverse. I'm avoidant attachment and if I ever showed my real feelings are vulnerability, my partners ick response would come online.

[@user-ut7rw4gm3b]

my god. this makes so much sense, thank you!

[@lanaladenhauser]

Oh wow, brilliant! AND perfect timing!

[@kevinfischer4869]

This weekend, I met someone I was attracted to that was on the spectrum, like me. I got the ick when I watched her various ticks. What you said about how that ick comes up when we see someone doing something we learned not to do really resonates with me! If I could watch myself in third person I would see that I am guilty of many of the things she does - I just do them privately because I had parents/teachers chastise me for the behaviors. In reality, I could tolerate a large number of her ticks, minus a few - I wonder if it'd be heinous to ask her to suppress those while we're both stuck in the car or something. She also had hoarding tendencies, and I have no spine to stop her, so I felt that ick when I realized she might literally be a hazard to my health! I certainly wish the meeting went differently, but it is what is :)

[@HeidiPriebe-I]

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[@vvvvaaaacccc]

I clicked thinking that this would be relevant to my tendency to judge others, pretty early into getting to know them, as either worth relating to at all or not, but it's not. but now I think my partner of 12 years has had this experience with me for years.

[@LightBeingsBE]

When they say pay attention to your gut!! It means with foods and interactions with the world. I had to tell him we are not a match after he threw off a few red flags 🚩

[@dale116dot7]

I find the best way to avoid someone getting “the ick” about me is to simply stay single. This works remarkably well.

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[@iohannesfactotum]

This happened between me and my wife after we got married Can't pinpoint when. 10 years married. 10 years of this feeling. What a waste of time

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[@animShenanigans]

Trust your gut. Don’t second guess yourself