The impact of a narcissistic relationship on YOUR personality

[@introvertedartistatheart30]

Narcissistic abuse has done nothing but made me more introverted than I was before ever getting in. I adore isolation as much as possible and have a really hard time trusting people now, more than ever really.

[@carolfield2760]

Me too.

[@chrisnam1603]

same...

[@bronwynjefferson2051]

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!

[@lesabrydson2526]

Yes!

[@movingsaudade6028]

Okay. I'm not alone. 😢

[@NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists will mould your personality into what serves them. They will make your life revolve around them. As though you have to make everything perfect for them, while neglecting and abandoning yourself.

[@michellewright7134]

Couldn't of worded it better spot on X

[@Seanus32]

@NarcSurvivor - Wouldn't you say they are showing you something with their bad behaviour? Showing you blind spots within yourself? Certainly they don't need to be so nasty about it. They cut right into and can almost steal your soul. Heinous types!

[@bereal6590]

100%. My mother wanted a child of a particular sex she got that first try so that was that. An only child that she could work on turning into a mini version of herself. My father is a raging nut but she married him imo as he had a job and she could get away from her father. Then a child she could dress how she wanted, have do activities she said. Even now she is 80 she remembers my childhood through her eyes, down to what birthday cake she liked, the shoes she bought, the clothes she got me (and that I was ungrateful), that my father took me places (and she was jealous). There is no connection to me and it's been very painful to realise.

[@leannenielsen9770]

​@Seanus32 I don't think they show you your blind spots. They create them by ridiculing your innate qualities, like extroversion that they feel threatened by, or have no use for in their selfish mind. If they were truly trying to help you to see your blind spots, they'd actively support both qualities to help you develop fully. They are parasitic and only care about their needs and they use shame to mould you into a puppet that only serves them.

[@beautyintradition8027]

I recently broke up with my malignant narcissist boyfriend, and although it’s been two weeks, I’m still struggling significantly. When I try to go out in public, I often feel on the verge of a panic attack or experience waves of nausea. I’ve been feeling restless, both physically and mentally. Seeing him post on social media as if nothing happened, while also following new women he never followed during our relationship, adds to my pain. I can’t help but suspect he’s pursuing these women as new sources of “supply,” knowing he’ll eventually hurt them as he did me-and probably many others to come. It hurts to know that this cruel man has stolen my sense of innocence and the carefree spirit I once had, at least for the foreseeable future.

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

Yes, I can say my vulnerable narc husband of 27 years stole part of my extraversion. I’ve had to dim my own light for a long time so he could shine more brightly. But I’m back now, completed my PhD last year, and I’ve started my own KZbin channel to express my feelings and completely BE myself again (and his voice in my head has become more and more muffled and faint) 🙏🏼🥰❤️🎉🎉

[@jeanie5074]

What is your KZbin website? Please, share w/us🎉❤

[@totious22]

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

@@totious22 good for you!! I’m here to cheer you on!! Do what’s in your heart - you got this!! 🎉❤️🤗

[@dr.bronziedabney9000]

Good for you beautiful! I’m proud of you and will check out your KZbin channel. Bravo!❤

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

@ aww thank you ☺️🫶🏻

[@BrookeMDouglass]

Vulnerable narcissists have a "contempt for joy" ... omg this is so accurate!! Well said!!

[@rakheepatel9212]

They sure do hate when anybody is happy hollow bitter soul sucking mosquitoes. I don’t pity them anymore.. I take back my power my golden blood supply is no longer ( thanks to my personal boundaries) available for them to drain me on their one way road to nowhere. Thank you deeply for giving myself permission to turn my own light to full flame❤

[@alliwest2023]

Yes well said agreed! They are the most unhappy person you’ll ever meet and in public they will pretend to be so nice and agreeable and sweet.

[@youngblood8540]

Some people give you energy and narcissists steal your energy. When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment where it grows, not the flower.

[@jeanie5074]

Sooo true. I’m so thankful for Dr. Ramani, and all the people on this forum. It gives the confidence knowing that one person is not alone in this journey.

[@bereal6590]

Indeed.it was reading the road less travelled and the follow up book, when that dawned on me. My mother twisted me into a pretzel to fit what she wanted. Never my supporter always my antagonist. Then they wonder why you finally dislike them. They don't want you to fly.

[@MsTery-ul7pw]

And they will accuse you of sucking their energy just for existing.

[@heatherh5639]

My grandmother was abusive to my mother and i always remember her telling us she would never do that to us. Even though it was not her intention our narrative was people please..just like she did for her mother who was eternally dissatisfied. 😥

[@johncbr650re]

That's why a survivor can't heal in same environment that caused problems No contact is the key And if you can relocate that would be great

[@nonawolf7495]

Narc Mom starts shaping you from day one ... she steals the person you could have been.

[@bereal6590]

Truth

[@laralara7978]

So true 😢

[@miraczarnawska8790]

I am 72 by now - and only now, after finding dr Ramani, I slowly start to understand what had happened in my life, and now I am on the way to myself.

[@drebugsita]

As a kid I literally thought “I can’t be myself in the world, I’ll be like my friend” because from the get go I was conditioned to feel that I was not enough and was somehow faulty

[@lorettawright3557]

No Contact is the best way to understand what Dr. Ramani's is saying.

[@rosalindr4975]

Appreciate the timing. I went to an early Halloween party without my husband. I’m Shocked how happy I looked in the pictures, without him.

[@Paulohlsson7]

Hi Rosalind, how's your day going with you?

[@rosalindr4975]

@@Paulohlsson7 have a good day yourself

[@Paulohlsson7]

@@rosalindr4975 it's nice to hear from you, how are you spending your spare time?

[@Paulohlsson7]

@@rosalindr4975 it's nice to hear from you, how are you spending your spare time?

[@suel7609]

I am always happy when I go to a family party by myself.

[@mountainmama9209]

Both of my parents were narcissistically abusive. I’d argue that my true personality didn’t have a chance to develop until I left home and went no contact. Best decision ever. I flourished into the sometimes extrovert, with a bit of artsy introversion thrown in, that I am today. It was unbelievably challenging to come up in the world without a family who had my back, but at least I left the family that knocked me down.

[@JLTravels]

Me too!

[@do9djgs]

same here.

[@jnxclrs]

same! I moved countries to be away. now I have my own family and we were able to grow close with my mom, respecting boundaries. I'm her only child so can't relate to the scapegoat/golden child dynamic but my dad has another daughter now and really treats me just like a family friends since. I want my baby to have a grand dad and think I can put up with it especially knowing we'll only see them less once a year max. they visited two weeks ago and I'm still tired though...

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I feel u. DNA isn't everything. Sometimes they're the worst!!!

[@do9djgs]

@@bridgettetraveler658 agree, sometimes is a curse for a life.

[@sreed5633]

Started listening to you a few years ago. Learning, understanding, and healing. I am immensely grateful for the education and support you provide. Thank you and Bless you!

[@joiedevivre2005]

This video makes me think Dr. Ramani might be psychic. She pretty much described my entire life & what I am experiencing now that I've gotten out of 2 of my main narcissistic relationships (they both passed away). I was always viewed as an extroverted person, but after years of abuse, I now feel like an injured animal that has crawled away on its own to lick its wounds.

[@chozart88]

I know same, this video and the specific examples are almost exactly what I’ve gone through and been processing.

[@kathyhubel6794]

Dr. Ramani is a very good doctor and she knows her material very well. Narcissists they all have the same pattern of behaviours. So many many stories are closely related because narcissists all act and behave in the same manner. Dr. Ramani is a doctor not a psychic. She knows exactly how they behave, she too has experienced narcissistic behaviour.

[@christineplaton3048]

The interior dynamics are very much the same. Human nature.

[@christineplaton3048]

​@@kathyhubel6794Peer Advocate and totally educated. The best of the best healers have been through NPR relationships.

[@x-2954]

Recovering from a narcissists betrayal is slow at best, one day at a time. First you have to recognize it: understand that the issue, the problem does not lie within you. We all do and say things in relationships that we wish we hadn't, that we can't take back…however it is in recognizing this that steps can be taken to correct and become better in our interactions with others. Narcissists cannot do this, it's always someone else's fault, they cannot genuinely look at themselves and see the need for improvement. The pain they inflict is very real and very hurtful. Being betrayed isn't a fault of the one being betrayed, but the cause of the betrayer. Loving someone that betrays you hurts…loving someone that has no empathy for the pain they've caused is maddening. Once you recognize it, can see it for what it is then is time to move on to acceptance. Accepting the fact that another person, a narcissist, has no empathy for your pain, the pain they've caused, isn't easy. Accepting the fact they just don't have the level of care, love, self awareness is a must though. Understanding and accepting that this relationship will never be what you had envisioned is key to recovering. A narcissist just isn't capable of having a relationship on that level, they are simply not capable to work through the many ups and downs, the kinks, of a relationship. Maybe their fault, maybe not but the facts are still the same..the end result is still the same. It's highly doubtful that you'd ever get a narcissist to see where they are wrong, to see the pain they've caused, what they see and what they look at is themselves, all else is really a mute point for them. So, in my opinion, trying to get them to see, to understand, the pain inflicted only hinders the recovery process. Finally when recognizing and acceptance have taken place, one needs to find a place within them where they can forgive. Forgiveness comes from love, and it's really more for the injured party than the narcissist themselves. Forgiveness facilitates healing. Hatred and anger only breeds bitterness within a person. Take what you can from a relationship with a narcissist, take peace, love for others and leave the narcissist and bitterness behind. Take comfort in knowing you do have value as a human being, your value does not come from others, especially a narcissist who can only really see themselves. Such a sad way to exist really when you think about. Satisfaction from within a relationship is a mutual thing, the give and take on both sides, the narcissist will never know that great satisfaction of a true, committed relationship. (Commitment to to see it through and make personal improvements) Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.

[@desertangel100]

spot on about agreeableness and how it depletes you, particularly when it comes to making requests and getting cooperation, then getting called difficult! I usually get my heart ripped out and handed to me when that happens. What fun 🙄

[@SnorkfrökenKattsnack]

After my ex narc i am staying singel for the rest of my life. Never ever again. But i'm happy singel 🙌

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I had a very short marriage with a narcissist. Never married again. Financially I should had but just couldn’t.

[@shaniecegullison]

I am never dating again everrrrr

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@shaniecegullison we’ll be financially independent! I was raised by a narc and was supposed to inherit a house money. But we got into a fight actually he did. He had lost control over me. I’m dyslexia, CPTSD, and I think it’s OCD… thanks dad he tried to annihilate me before he passed!

[@mnnew6772]

I am too. All my focus now creating a life worth living being single forever.

[@rinskeraphael8755]

🙌

[@anon-mx4jx]

One thing that this relationship changed about me is that I stopped trying so much. I am listening more to myself and what I need now that I recovered and I don't try to fit in and please my partner as much. Sometimes I think it's unfair that my partner now receives a less attentive person than the narcissist got but even if I wanted I can't bring myself to put in so much effort ever again after receiving hell in return the last time. I also care less now about being left. If he wants to leave, whatever. It may sound mean but I learned that you cannot make people stay by bending over backwards, they might not even notice all the things you did for them. I will not be exploited like that again.

[@gabriellakiss772]

So true, exactly how i feel, exactly how i have become ❤️ feels skmewhat disillusioned but feels better and feels more me

[@orangecat1672]

Yes. I love to bake . It’s my therapy. I would bring homemade goodies into my workplace every month. I stopped because I realized certain individuals were just expecting it. It sounds petty but idc. I still bake but now give away to other people. No one will take advantage of my kindness ever again .

[@melaniesteele6891]

my narcissist husband is messing with my head. I feel I'm loosing my mind. We can't communicate, only anger and rage from him.

[@beingilluminous]

Being alone has helped me focus on reclaiming my health and peace. Now, that's the standard if someone wants to connect-must be a help, not a hindrance to my healing. And though it sounds severe or superficial-it's supported by being kind, compassionate, and open-to a point-that's where those boundaries show me what the other person's pattern is. Even at that level, it feels more "expensive" to have a friend while I am paying back my "Health debt" to myself (all the times I gave other's care when I needed to focus on myself". I am always grateful for the wisdoms shared here.

[@d.dflowers7635]

My abuse definitely stole my extroversion. I used to be an outgoing, friendly child. Then the abuse turned me into a quiet, scared observer. My narc beat it out of me

[@evelynespinoza6574]

Dr you might not see this but you have described everything I am going through and everything you say is incredibly true.. I have been following you for a couple of weeks and you have helped me to cope with a narcissist. For many years I was so confused and wondered if I was going crazy and if I needed help but I have realized that my partner needs the most help in this. I am continuing to learn and grasp everything you teach and apply it to my life! so thank you Dr!

[@sparkygump]

I'm much more guarded and cynical than before all of this. Maybe that's a good thing.

[@carolfield2760]

Me too

[@krysm2022]

Same. The giving radiating extrovert is gone for now. And I think that's for the best - at least until I'm actually healed, if that ever happens.

[@FitViews]

Yes yes YES!! After 22 years of insane abuse, isolation, being made to feel so bad about myself and my looks, etc I believed I was an introvert. He had me convinced I was a “hermit” and “unfriendly”. Fast forward to freedom and I am definitely more of an extrovert! I love people.

[@Sherirose1]

I needed this. I was vivacious and my light has been stolen. I now feel like a wilted flower. Im now in a functional freeze, I work, go home. Nothing taste or smell the same. Everyone around me are blank shadows and hazy faces. Im dazed😮. I was picked apart and lied to.

[@Feral_Ape]

They made me strong. Unshakable. I can weather storm with integrity and I only dig in deeper. Once you realize how weak, fragile, insecure they are you truly stop caring. They couldn’t garner strength they blessed me with…

[@beautyintradition8027]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your videos. I listen to several each day to help me heal and to educate myself on narcissistic abuse, so I never fall victim to it again. I recently broke up with my malignant narcissist boyfriend, and although it’s been two weeks, I’m still struggling significantly. When I try to go out in public, I often feel on the verge of a panic attack or experience waves of nausea. I’ve been feeling restless, both physically and mentally. Seeing him post on social media as if nothing happened, while also following new women he never followed during our relationship, adds to my pain. I can’t help but suspect he’s pursuing these women as new sources of “supply,” knowing he’ll eventually hurt them as he did me-and probably many others to come. It hurts to know that this cruel man has stolen my sense of innocence and the carefree spirit I once had, at least for the foreseeable future.

[@suel7609]

@beautyintradition8027 You are lucky you didn't. marry him. I have been stuck 36 years in a marriage to a malignant Narcissist. Only 4 weeks ago when I received Dr Ramani's podcast did I really understand that it was abusive.

[@suel7609]

@beautyintradition8027 I bet he started following new woman to make you feel bad.

[@beautyintradition8027]

@@suel7609 Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t even imagine being trapped with someone so cold and cunning for 36 years. I do think he had been talking to other women for some time, which would explain his terrible “breadcrumbing” and aloof behavior toward me, especially in the last few weeks before I broke up with him. Now that I’ve unfollowed and blocked him, it’s like he’s taken it as a green light to let these women follow him and follow them back, all while they remain unaware of me, his now ex-girlfriend. In true narcissistic fashion, he’s likely already filling his new supply’s head with lies, casting me as the villain and himself as the poor victim, while simultaneously love-bombing them, just as he did with me. It makes me sick. I wish I could help them, but once someone has been manipulated, it’s usually too late-they have to learn the hard way who they’re really dealing with: a cold, cunning user and abuser of women. There’s no way to save everyone, especially when narcissistic men like him go through women without a second thought. He’ll hurt one and move on to the next in a heartbeat. I hope you find healing on your journey. Remember, it’s not you. Nothing you said or did caused them to treat you this way. They are empty shells, incapable of genuine connection.

[@nipi2467]

I feel like every time I listen to Dr. Ramani; she's telling my life story.

[@alisonodonnell1773]

Man does this hit home!! I was once the life of the party. Now, 14 months out, I still avoid, preferring to be home with my dogs!

[@janetjones5087]

Same here it feels safer.

[@krysm2022]

I've been out for almost 3 years - but only no contact (as close to as possible with joint custody) for couple months. Still sucks here

[@Tiggeez]

My brother made me so uncomfortable in his home. He treated me like an embarrassment and at the dinner table, when I asked if he and his family would visit me in my house out in the country, he said absolutely not because I have nothing to offer them. That stabbed me in the heart. Then his kids started in with the snide comments and his wife was always snotty to me. I cut him off finally but for a long time I thought I was nothing.

[@ElaineSmith-h9o]

Sorry you experienced this.

[@Tiggeez]

@ at least I learned how to get away.

[@Hatbox948]

Wow. That's awful.

[@suel7609]

@tiggeez So sorry you had such mean brother and his family.

[@findmeallways4422]

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain the desire for solitude! Very informative!

[@PenninkJacob]

You described me exactly.... I hate being around people exactly bc I'm so sick of the dynamic of paying attention to them, helping them, appeasing them, like a permanent adult babysitter, etc... God I hate it sooo much! I'm soooo sick of it... I can't be around anyone and I don't mind anymore... When I was young I was so funny, it was extracted out of me... so angry....... I hate them...

[@mwxyz828]

My main narc abuser always told me they admired my outgoing spirit, then they stifled it. I used to enjoy singing on a stage, now doing so triggers physical symptoms of anxiety.

[@KhassiaK]

Same here!!!

[@anon-mx4jx]

When he left me I was disoriented for a couple of months but one of the weirdest things was that I started feeling like myself again. I noticed becoming more and more disconnected with myself during the relationship and losing parts of my personality but I didn't attribute it to him as I often try to find reasons in myself for things going wrong. So I thought it's a me problem, maybe it's the depression or stress etc. But when he was gone I noticed my selfworth improving and I felt more like a whole person again. I once even told him that I am feeling worse and worse about myself since being with him, if he can give me more attention and stop criticizing me but he said that's too much to ask for. I might start thinking that I am ok the way I am and stop trying to improve.

[@1964tamsin]

This could absolutely be the story of my life. Thank you so much- you are amazing

[@micheleshearer1641]

Your words are like you know me personally. I’m so sensitive to even admit that I allowed myself to get here. My children have learned by his example to treat me the same way, as I am not taking it anymore (or rather taking back myself) I so want to warn others. It feels as though there’s more people that are in these relationships than not. It breaks my heart. I was so scared to leave, do to the insight of it most likely getting uglier. It has. But doesn’t everything until you take the leap to move forward and open that door that will bring good people around you . It’s not easy…… and yet.. the weight of moving forward is a huge relief. I just have to keep reminding myself how much better it feels, to not carry the constant pressure of doing something or saying something wrong to him.

[@erockfreedom6399]

I have developed a panic that has turned me into someone who is on the agoraphobic side.

[@johncbr650re]

You're not alone it takes time to heal I that case try some herb that have calming effects valerian root is helpful and some essential oil help to make you calm clear mind

[@carolfield2760]

I'm not the same and I don't think I ever will be again.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

Wonderful video, A month ago, I ended a five-year relationship. I'm irritated because I can't see my life with anyone else. The love of my life chose to leave me, and I loved him so much that I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back. Though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him, I can't help it. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but I miss him a lot and can't stop thinking about him.

[@Allenwatts-y9n]

I learnt the hard way that saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult when a 12-year relationship ends. But I was unable to let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counsellor, and he was able to assist me in getting him back.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

Interesting-sounding! How can I most efficiently get in contact with a spiritual counsellor that you recommended?

[@Allenwatts-y9n]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Allenwatts-y9n]

he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked him up online. striking I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤

[@lupevaldes3370]

I thought I was becoming an introvert bc I didn’t want to be out n about with my spouse but I thought it was bc I’m just over his stupid jokes and rude antics around d others and when you said it’s bc we are absolutely just exhausted with them - it helped me Soo much bc I also thought it’s was also being in perimenopause and being old. Going through a narcissistic relationship is absolutely exhausting and I know I am over it in every way. I need and want to find myself again and feel what my genuine happiness is- and I will work on that as soon as I exit this relationship.

[@summerro6455]

I’m in the exact same place as you. I thought I changed into an introvert but thought it was COVID and perimenopause. But it makes more sense it was the abuse. I left the relationship and am starting to rebuild and find my true self. I can’t wait for the moment I can scream, She’s Backkkkkkk!

[@litadlita2458]

Hey, Dr Ramani it’s been very helpful listening to you 🙏🏼 I’ve been in therapy off and on for many years recovering from narcissistic mother I’ve become so good at detecting narcissists and completely disengage that’s the only thing that has worked for me. My body literally rejects those people I can’t even be around them. I had to make moves at work and to be put on a different floor because of narcissistic co-workers. I hold so much resentment, anger and hate towards those people that my body still reacts to them no matter how long I’ve been in therapy.

[@CheriseStone]

I love u Dr. Ramani I have learned so much from ur videos. I bought ur book online: It's Not You. I just received it in the mail today I am sooo excited to read it! Thanks and God Bless

[@orangecat1672]

So true - “because everyone wants a reality where these things don’t happen”.

[@SviatoslavYermakov]

this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you

[@Daktylotrochej]

I don't like who I have become... Constant vigilance and walking on eggshells makes me feel like I'm disengenuous and dishonest. Even around other people. I deemed social interactions exhausting.

[@mountainmama9209]

I drafted a letter of apology to a restaurant manager for my ex’s behavior. Never sent it, but I was so embarrassed by the fit he threw because we had to wait to be seated. Our young child waited patiently. I also felt tremendous guilt for choosing to have children with this man-child. Once lunch was served, the man-baby turned into the most charming person. His belly full, all was well in his world. That’s one of the reasons he’s my ex.

[@ClaireVandenberg-w6o]

I have been in this situation too. Having to move tables three times because “Goldilocks” didn’t like the proximity to the bar, or the loo, or the door. Wanting to hide because he needed to be so important the waitress just HAD to know our names… or sitting at the restaurant table while dinner got cold while he balanced the checkbook in front of me to humiliate me for overspending on postage stamps!

[@ClaireVandenberg-w6o]

I have been in this situation too. Having to move tables three times because “Goldilocks” didn’t like the proximity to the bar, or the loo, or the door. Wanting to hide because he needed to be so important the waitress just HAD to know our names… or sitting at the restaurant table while dinner got cold while he balanced the checkbook in front of me to humiliate me for overspending on postage stamps! If your male partner takes three hours to dress , pack your bags!

[@krysm2022]

Ive been trying to figure out my extreme social anxiety in therapy for a while, after finally getting out of the 2 decades long abusive relationship with a covert narc. This explains SOOOOO much!!

[@DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz]

❤Thank you for all your knowledge and support and Wisdom ❤YOUR AWESOME 👏 GOD BLESS YOU 🙏🦋🫶🥰💕💕💕

[@Summer_Harvest]

Once my boyfriend/first husband saw he could make me cry I noted he liked that too much. I didn't allow him that after. My parents would do anything for him. I knew nobody had my back.

[@SheilaFunk]

OMG!! My husband has been humiliating me to others!! Telling me stop talk or laughing out loud in a group of people. I recently confronted him with this and he just said he thought I was talking to much or laughing to loud! So embarrassing!! I’m 62 and now he is retired and trying to take my life away even more! Trying to make me the crazy one! Saying he doesn’t want to live with a roommate. I have allot of health issues with cervical arthritis and it is in my hands.i also have a reoccurrence with IBS and anxiety and I know in my gut it is because of him! I’m in trouble here. I do not want a divorce at this age!

[@krysm2022]

I spent 20 years in a narc relationship. During that time I developed over a dozen - yes, a DOZEN, serious health issues, including multiple autoimmune (Rheumatoid Arthritis at 25). The best thing that happened to help my conditions was the ending of the relationship. The removal of the vigilance, stress, and hyper responsiveness allowed my body to start healing. Honestly, the difference in the severity of my conditions is astounding. Just a suggestion - but you might want to seriously evaluate how you want to spend the last stretch of your life. At least now I have a shot at being healthy enough to live in joy before I'm fully disabled.

[@astrosdiva86]

I'm sad for you. 😢

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

This makes me want to cry. I was raised by a psychopath. I can stay to myself 3 days but then I need to get out. In my youth I socialized with alcohol. I really thought that I have become better. But just the other day I had to stay in an office setting for three hours. The people were very nice. But I went berserk inside. I rushed back to my place. Didn’t even change my clothes got in bed an pulled the covers over me and slept. But that’s it bingo- a chronic state of tension! No doubt. When I was in a day program my blood pressure was almost dangerously high. It’s so confusing! I have been invited to a Halloween party. My friend has a lot of empathy for me. While the adults take the children out trick and treating I can hand out candy. I am going to make myself go. I need to go an be around people.

[@TKouklaki]

I knew a woman that she got sick from cancer while she was 68. After 2 years she was gone because of narcissistic relationships she couldn’t get rid of. She was so stoic that unavoidably destroyed her own health. Because first of her father and then of her husband who both treated her so badly. I knew her very well and that was a huge hard lesson for me in my life to stay free from any marriage or any type of close relationship with any man. I didn’t regret this forever. Nevertheless I have some male friends BUT always I keep them at a safe distance. They can be easily so manipulative and authoritarian. Unfortunately there is still male dominance and mothers have to do something about it. Otherwise nothing will ever change !

[@shaunafanello61938]

Thanks! I really appreciate your insight. I am healing.

[@小辻翔]

if you're seeing this comment, it might be a sign to read 'Magnetic Aura' from Talesio ❤️

[@belladonnaevelamorte9565]

I get this a hundred percent speaking my soulical language. I am ethnically Moroccan culturally English and I knew from a young age how too preform to get any warmth or love from my parents. To be agreeable, my siblings rebelled so kinda picked on me for being weak but I was just trying to survive at the time till I could get my own place. I fell out of the frying pan into the fire when I met my ex husband. I went from being super confident to just a shell of myself. Its only now in approaching my forties I am dealing with all the things that effected me. I am very tender hearted so it's taken me so much time to learn to discern. My parents were just kids having kids and it did not equip me for this word and I just realised that it's liberating. Thank you for answering so many questions I have on my mind as sometimes I pull away from friends cause I need solace I cannot always take their pain xx

[@jacquelinelovelace1718]

I NEEDED this. Very well done and organized!

[@gmcwhinney]

Someone should create an app / service to bring all survivors of narc abuse together! It could be used for safer dating opportunities but most of us will unlikely want to commit to any relationship ever again. Happy to live alone indefinitely tbh

[@EbuAKI]

Never give up. I know it’s easy to feel that way after these relationships. The app idea is brilliant!! 😅

[@lesabrydson2526]

I developed chronic anxiety and fatigue so my nerves needs rest, i am a homegirl. I read a lot. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🤲

[@emilyharris2065]

I remember the first time I told my therapist, "I am an extrovert, but my wife makes me look like an introvert." It began as a joke I could share about myself. It was a truth I was uttering with humor until it HIT me what it really means to my life and the friends I was no longer connecting with because my world had gotten incredibly small. Wow. I am now divorced. This has been a path of awareness I still travel with a curious mind. There has been a synergy between videos & book from Dr. Ramani Durvasala and my therapists; (personal and couples) that I began to see how my former wife and I needed to be apart. I feel grateful for this timing. It has been difficult but all of this is helping me be in the present in my life.

[@elsienieves9453]

Never gave it thought about my parents having narc traits. Back then there wasn't a name to the toxic behavior. I thought it was normal and my parents were just parenting. In the present as an adult, I understand how this behavior has shaped my relationship now. Anxiety, paranoia, lack of trust, not having a voice, etc. I battle with this. Through therapy it's getting better. I love my me time. I was in a 7 year relationship that was very judgemental, shameful, and depleted energy. One day at a time I'm healing.

[@jether_vargas]

Thank you Dr ramani! I started watching your video 4 years ago and it made me realize about how abusive my relationship , you may not know but you have helped me so much with your video and mesage and you have became an inspiration for me

[@GregMunro]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient..

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@GregMunro]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@GregMunro]

You wont regret it.

[@notagain779]

Something I heard today made me laugh: A 108 year old woman who had not married, was asked (as all very old people are asked) "What is your secret to living so long?" Her answer was, "Stay away from other people." 😂😂😂 That's a woman I'd be happy to hang out with in the nursing home - IF she'd HAVE me! 😂

[@kathleenferguson3296]

I became an actor, to get what I needed On Stage. You would be surprised how many of us are introverts. We only allow ourselves to be extroverted in a closed, safe space that a theatre is.

[@kathleenferguson3296]

Addendum: The audience is on the other side of the lights, separated by the stage. They Paid to get in. They want to like you, but you never let them get close. If you Please them, you get applause. If not, soft fruit. It's better than the verbal and physical abuse I got at home, where they Could get close. Actors also sneak out of stage doors, and huddle unnoticed into taxis to go home.

[@MsTeelove07]

This right here!!!! I have been out of a bad marriage with the narcissist for three years now and this is my struggle. I miss myself the out going warm loving caring helpful kind person I use to be. I miss that part of me sooooo much and I want me back!!!! This has been one battle I wish on no one!!! These type personalities are horrible humans I pray for myself everyday and my healing I know it's still in me somewhere I just have to find it I wanna love again I wanna live again

[@tahwsisiht]

I am determined that I don't want to become them. I still will keep the parts of me that I think valuable and positive. Despite their abuse , they will never shape me to be who they would like to shaped me to be. In the meantime, it made me even stronger. Because I was never like them, it was me who have been stronger always. I don't abuse others because it bothers me who they are. I don't want to destroy others because it is threatening for me. I never ever exploited anyone because even when I was a child, I took care of myself. I say what I mean and do what I say. They can't take away "me". I still have "me" and it is an ever stronger version. Through what has happened, I had the chance to prove to myself and to stand by my own self. I don't just say who I am, I have shown to my own self. I lost trust. That I am mourning for. Would be nice to trust. I think I would be able to feel trust again, but will need time and action. It is not bad. Even if I will not find someone I can trust, I know trust is very valuable and to not just giving it away is wise.

[@steveanhiron6764]

I once lived outdoors , exact opposite after six yrs of her abuse . Don’t have confidence or feel safe . Surprised how isolated , and dependant I’ve become . I’m packing my gear and leaving asap . Facing my fear is better than facing her beauty . Dr. , your a lot of help .

[@jether_vargas]

Thanks!

[@mwxyz828]

I think the worst thing is the inevitable assassination of your character by who you were essentially forced to become to deal with them without completely losing your sanity. When the people around you come into agreement with the complete opposite traits of who you initially were as who you “really” are vs what abuse turned you into.

[@bethgotts8031]

That’s exactly how my family is/was. Always doing. Never fun. Exhausting.

[@sandancer45]

Thank you for this video, it really helped immensely. I now understand why i want solitude and trust is hard for me. I used to find it hard to get angry because i wasnt allowed to when growing up, after healing it sometimes comes out and i want to scream in frustration. Crying wasnt allowed too, i now look back at my childhood and realise it was very controlled and see it as abuse. I have changed in many ways, i am no longer the people pleaser and have gone a full 360 and take care of myself. Your videos have been a saving grace for me and i thank you from the bottom of my heart x

[@diana5898]

Such a good video Dr Ramani.

[@diana5898]

I saw and felt the healing through this one. I knew it was like being robbed of my true self. Wow. I reduced myself and didn't know why I was doing it.

[@stacyrosa6672]

15 years, but he "moved out" a couple of weeks ago. I'm redecorating my home, but he continues to drop in, daily, under the pretense of checking to see if I need anything. Every time I get into a project that will help me move on, he shows up. I've asked repeatedly for him to call first, but like always, he has no respect for boundaries.

[@janetjones5087]

Mine is doing the same 10 months on always asking do I need anything i can't understand why?

[@NDRP-uh6fs]

Don't answer the door!!!

[@rinskeraphael8755]

Dont open the door, your not ad home for him🙀

[@tinal9519]

Mine kept emailing me. I had to block him. Remember that you have boundaries! Don’t answer your door. If he starts talking through it “I see your car, you are at home” etc, you could be taking a walk or something. Stay strong 💪🙏. Don’t give in! He will give up and walk away. I hope this helps. :-)

[@jodycasey6936]

Great video today. What comes up for me is, I’m doing it for several reasons. Keep in mind for me when you discuss introversion, I keep to myself because I know as a spirit that my personality has flaws, my tendencies are I have childlike reactions, my thought processes can be lacking or childish. I know deep down inside me there’s a woman unrealized. I never had a chance to nurture herself or grow so that’s not something that you want to spread around. It’s something I want to keep to yourself,knowing that I’m capable of more but that I’m just wired in a way that I’ve carried to this day. Another thing happened for me is never in my whole entire life ever have I had so many people trying to tell me relax,you’re gonna be ok. I’ve only been use and abuse, but not so much supportive and lifted up as much as what’s happening now. I’ve only been threatened and I’ve only been cornered. I’ve only been set up to fail or to take responsibility. Whenever there’s a problem, it’s always time to ask Jody, what did she do? I’m usuallythe butt of the joke if I’m not the one who’s reporting everyone’s actions to everybody else like a town crier. Mainly in the past I’m the one at fault. I’m the one who’s Trouble is coming for me. So it’s really hard to think. Wow, that’s not happening anymore? To be told that I’m OK and to relax and trust and let go is new. I keep looking over my shoulder going. Are you guys talking to me? Are you guys talking to me? Laugh out loud

[@electrickitt3n]

I can relate so well to the woman who feels like people mean discomfort, because it always feels like others need you to take care of them and they feel like you can't be open or you can't be your true self. I find myself in this same rut at the moment after my latest narcissistic relationship. Years of narcissistic abuse from my main parent, from narcissistic partners, continuous digs, etc has brought me so far from my self that I feel as if I'm trying to understand myself at this point. I fell into not knowing if I know who I am anymore. If I'm an introvert, if I'm too cautious, etc. Hearing her story helps me feel more comfortable with my current situation. Truly appreciated this video, thank you.

[@summerro6455]

Yes, my personality has changed and I want my real self back.

[@WistfulCreative]

I have to say, of all the information and help you have offered, nothing resonated like this video. I’m stuck with my ugly narcissist. So now after thirty-five years, I just don’t leave the house and have social anxiety. PTSD, when voices are raised, even the dog barking or TV.

[@marysisak2359]

When I was in my early thirties I got a job in Denver. It was an excellent opportunity and I was really excited to move there. I was so happy my first two months. One day I was in the shower. I felt this blackness come over me starting at my head and like a shroud it fell over me. I heard the demon I always carried in my head say "Who do you think you are?" It was as if it had taken him a few months to find me. I tried so hard to hold onto my happiness. It was heartbreaking to watch it slip away. I continued to live there for two more years but I was like a shadow of my former self.

[@mday3821]

I feel that my extrovert was stolen from me. Part of me needs to be around people & the part is like nope, people will judge, use, abuse you. I find being around people makes me exhausted, which was never the case before.

[@r-l1214]

This is so true for me. I always say I used to be such a shiny, happy person. I feel like a shell of myself now. And the worst part for me is, I got out. I moved to a whole different state. I was in a different relationship. I spent six glorious years away from him and his family. And then, after a painful break up with someone I was really happy with, I went right back into it. I’m so ashamed of that. I will carry that for the rest of my life.

[@Fanlady4236]

All the healing i have done never really felt like the last puzzle piece was missing. A narcissistic father, really unhappy mother that was mean, narcissist boyfriend, then a malicious narcissist husband. I accidentally touched a video for daughters of a narcissistic mother. So i listened. That last piece fit perfectly. I am at peace and happy now. I still listen to you and a few others to feel like i am being backed up like a parent should have been. You sound and feel like a loving supportive mother and I like to listen just because it feels like i have a loving understanding mom. Thank you

[@sventura5744]

Scary how spot on you are about narc relationships. Thank you for your enlightening talks.

[@kmysl2219]

Great video, I never thought about the idea of narcs stealing your extroversion but it makes total sense. I think I’m just starting to get out of my shell in these past couple years…takes a long time to heal

[@andrearush6209]

4:25: Wow. I feel so seen. Thank you. It got pretty dark there for awhile but am on the mend after 54 years of confusion with a likely N father and sister that led to a more recent season in a workplace that mimicked it all. It's so complex. Finding my way out and looking for the light but the anxiety can be a lot some days. Thank you for all you do to bring understanding and healing to people. It makes a huge difference.

[@Dianav-n9c]

This supplement has taught me to stay calm in the most challenging situations.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Introverts rock and roll. I have been characterized as an extrovert with a developed introversion. Because of circumstances beyond my control

[@jenrobinson4097]

How does one proceed when you physically need the care of your narc spouse, but the relentlessness of them seeking control over every aspect of your being is making life unbearable. They know you need them in ways of "care", but also will refuse help if the victim makes their boundaries known. Been doing research for years to help a friend. I am just lost. Dr. Ramani, you are truly amazing! I have learned SO much from watching you. Thank you for being you!

[@JONNIE-u5u]

Dogs. I love dogs more than any human I’ve ever met. I had some great relatives. Only my dogs gave me love and a purpose. Without my dogs love and support I wouldn’t have made it this far. They cuddle with me when I’m so tired. They will like my face if I cry. They will lies on the carpet as we hug one another. They can make me laugh with their fabulous personalities. I had a narcissistic mother that was both malignant and covert. My ex may have attended a Diddy party. He was certainly as much of a monster. The shame I live with everyday was that I couldn’t have protected them from my evil mother and the devil ex.

[@JLisa-13W]

I would love it if you could elaborate at some point on social situations with a narcissist who drinks heavily. I find myself not wanting to go out anywhere with alcohol because of how the narcissistic behavior is so intensified by it.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

I was the assertive outgoing extrovert. Marriage to the narc changed me Divorced and left June 2017. Foe seven years I have avoided parties and get together. Those things I loved I'm good with people. I'm a group fitness dance instructor m. Great fun in a class. Leave and gratefully come home to being alone with many animals Would rather be home than socialize. I've changed and I love it

[@orangecat1672]

Yep - me too . I am content w my own company.

[@meetmaxdream]

“Empathy for so long was a one way street.” Thanks for your videos. They do make feel better nd like against all odds, I’m not the one who was the problem. Thank for I know that now.

[@mariafernandasantacruzpola3435]

Yes, I used to be outgoing, enjoyed laughing and talking with people but I felt so judged even by the volume of my voice by my mother that I changed, and now I hold back socially and deep in my heart I feel she is ashamed of me.

[@JessicaHazewinkel]

My personality? What personality? Everything I know about how I am comes directly or indirectly from one source. My communal narcissistic parent. Anyway, I had a bad personality and if sometimes my behaviour was right, then it was labelled as fake and not being the real (wrong) me.

[@kelliebilinski]

I agree Dr Ramani......i am much more jaded about people. I prefer n feel safer at home with my six fur babies. Narcissists def did shape me but on a positive note; I am stronger n have stronger boundaries.

[@Levandetag]

Thank you

[@maureencunningham4750]

Thank you so much for highlighting this phenomenon Dr Ramani. I totally agree. The struggle to get over/manage the consequence of being in a N relationship appears overtly as a kind of 'social anxiety' but in fact has deeper characteristics which are far more pervasive. It is like you have to fake it 'til you make make it. One feels like an 'imposter.' It helps to accept this is part of radically accepting that this is part of the legacy. It takes great strength and courage to try and get life back on track. But, it often helps to seek out new experiences such as solo hobbies/travel but within the support of a group environment which builds confidence. Maybe part of radical acceptance is by not judging ourselves too harshly and instead appreciate how well we are managing.

[@NikonYevdokimov]

good video yet again, thank you love ❤️

[@orangecat1672]

I work in healthcare ( part time ) & working on patients & interacting w colleagues is enough. I savor my days off & weekends w just me & my husband & kittys.

[@steelemedia]

I went from ENFJ to INFJ as a result of my Narc. I’m working like hell to get it back to my old self. I got lucky though. 2 decades of being treated like garbage and my Narc sibling decided to insult my partner. It was like a switch had been flipped. I went no contact with no explanation, or remorse. I will see them in a group, but not 1 on 1. Just trying to undo all the damage

[@mimmigrant3531]

Soo true! Thank You! ❤ After being raised by a narcissistic mother and abusive father I left home at 16 to be safe and study hard on my own. Then I developed my personality as being social, optimistic, altruistic & open to the world. Meeting a man who said I could trust him and would love me forever at age 30 got me to give him my trust. Being married with a narcissist for 25 years made me isolated, loosing so many dear relationships, making me doubt myself, drained of energy and trust. Finally I got the strength to brake free both from my parents and my narcissistic husband. I thank the lord every day living as a free woman!🙏 Now I’m slowly healing. My love goes to all my sisters, it’s never too late to get your life and dignity back! ❤

[@user-cc6zh7st3z]

I'M AN INTROVERT ..... WITH A STRONG CONFIDENT GUT ..... AND A CURIOUS KITTY ,WHO HAVE LEARNED HOW TO BE MY OWN BEST FRIEND ...... AND I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THE FOOLISHNESS 6:08

[@BrittaLFstopptNarzissten]

Of course they are attacking you, but by whom? "Surprise"... I knew from childhood, that there was something seriously wrong with some people. It continued in relationships, but it was until I was 45 that I started to study this subject and I would like to say that you are the top expert in this field. Thank you for your tirelessness, you save lives. Here in Germany, unfortunately, something is only true if it has been confirmed by this rigid university system. Otherwise, it is nothing more than housewife psychology.

[@samco63]

Needed this. I’m in the middle of a discard, well, I discarded him because he just seemed to hate me for the last year. But in the one tip toeing and apologising and trying to not set him off - because I don’t want to be “too much” or push him away, because I probably wasn’t ready to end it. But when I was extroverted and met his friends, and I was friendly - he got triggered and broke up with me. The three times I met them. The only time he didn’t, was when I sat at a table and didn’t talk to a soul. I can get jealous too (he’s veeery extroverted and quite flirty with women), but I try not to be jealous but sometimes I would. I would always apologise and try my best to change. But when he was triggered, he blamed me. Said negative stuff about my sister and my sisters ex (who he threatened to kill).

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

Yeah, getting out is the best thing you can do. Stay strong. It took me many years too. The more clearly you see what’s happening, the easier it gets…❤❤

[@sue272]

Love you Dr. Rahmini❤ 43yrs of this. I am at a crossroad to keep going or fight for freedom😢