The impact of a narcissistic relationship on YOUR personality

[@NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists will mould your personality into what serves them. They will make your life revolve around them. As though you have to make everything perfect for them, while neglecting and abandoning yourself.

[@michellewright7134]

Couldn't of worded it better spot on X

[@Seanus32]

@NarcSurvivor - Wouldn't you say they are showing you something with their bad behaviour? Showing you blind spots within yourself? Certainly they don't need to be so nasty about it. They cut right into and can almost steal your soul. Heinous types!

[@bereal6590]

100%. My mother wanted a child of a particular sex she got that first try so that was that. An only child that she could work on turning into a mini version of herself. My father is a raging nut but she married him imo as he had a job and she could get away from her father. Then a child she could dress how she wanted, have do activities she said. Even now she is 80 she remembers my childhood through her eyes, down to what birthday cake she liked, the shoes she bought, the clothes she got me (and that I was ungrateful), that my father took me places (and she was jealous). There is no connection to me and it's been very painful to realise.

[@leannenielsen9770]

​@Seanus32 I don't think they show you your blind spots. They create them by ridiculing your innate qualities, like extroversion that they feel threatened by, or have no use for in their selfish mind. If they were truly trying to help you to see your blind spots, they'd actively support both qualities to help you develop fully. They are parasitic and only care about their needs and they use shame to mould you into a puppet that only serves them.

[@beautyintradition8027]

I recently broke up with my malignant narcissist boyfriend, and although it’s been two weeks, I’m still struggling significantly. When I try to go out in public, I often feel on the verge of a panic attack or experience waves of nausea. I’ve been feeling restless, both physically and mentally. Seeing him post on social media as if nothing happened, while also following new women he never followed during our relationship, adds to my pain. I can’t help but suspect he’s pursuing these women as new sources of “supply,” knowing he’ll eventually hurt them as he did me-and probably many others to come. It hurts to know that this cruel man has stolen my sense of innocence and the carefree spirit I once had, at least for the foreseeable future.

[@introvertedartistatheart30]

Narcissistic abuse has done nothing but made me more introverted than I was before ever getting in. I adore isolation as much as possible and have a really hard time trusting people now, more than ever really.

[@carolfield2760]

Me too.

[@chrisnam1603]

same...

[@bronwynjefferson2051]

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!

[@lesabrydson2526]

Yes!

[@movingsaudade6028]

Okay. I'm not alone. 😢

[@DominieRobinson]

I used to be one of the friendliest, most curious people around, now I Keep to myself. I am hypervigilant about Protecting my space. It's how I Protect my sanity !

[@JLTravels]

Yes, me too…PEACE at last!

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

Yes, I can say my vulnerable narc husband of 27 years stole part of my extraversion. I’ve had to dim my own light for a long time so he could shine more brightly. But I’m back now, completed my PhD last year, and I’ve started my own KZbin channel to express my feelings and completely BE myself again (and his voice in my head has become more and more muffled and faint) 🙏🏼🥰❤️🎉🎉

[@jeanie5074]

What is your KZbin website? Please, share w/us🎉❤

[@totious22]

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

@@totious22 good for you!! I’m here to cheer you on!! Do what’s in your heart - you got this!! 🎉❤️🤗

[@dr.bronziedabney9000]

Good for you beautiful! I’m proud of you and will check out your KZbin channel. Bravo!❤

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

@ aww thank you ☺️🫶🏻

[@youngblood8540]

Some people give you energy and narcissists steal your energy. When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment where it grows, not the flower.

[@jeanie5074]

Sooo true. I’m so thankful for Dr. Ramani, and all the people on this forum. It gives the confidence knowing that one person is not alone in this journey.

[@bereal6590]

Indeed.it was reading the road less travelled and the follow up book, when that dawned on me. My mother twisted me into a pretzel to fit what she wanted. Never my supporter always my antagonist. Then they wonder why you finally dislike them. They don't want you to fly.

[@MsTery-ul7pw]

And they will accuse you of sucking their energy just for existing.

[@heatherh5639]

My grandmother was abusive to my mother and i always remember her telling us she would never do that to us. Even though it was not her intention our narrative was people please..just like she did for her mother who was eternally dissatisfied. 😥

[@joiedevivre2005]

This video makes me think Dr. Ramani might be psychic. She pretty much described my entire life & what I am experiencing now that I've gotten out of 2 of my main narcissistic relationships (they both passed away). I was always viewed as an extroverted person, but after years of abuse, I now feel like an injured animal that has crawled away on its own to lick its wounds.

[@lorettawright3557]

No Contact is the best way to understand what Dr. Ramani's is saying.

[@nonawolf7495]

Narc Mom starts shaping you from day one ... she steals the person you could have been.

[@bereal6590]

Truth

[@rosalindr4975]

Appreciate the timing. I went to an early Halloween party without my husband. I’m Shocked how happy I looked in the pictures, without him.

[@Paulohlsson7]

Hi Rosalind, how's your day going with you?

[@rosalindr4975]

@@Paulohlsson7 have a good day yourself

[@Paulohlsson7]

@@rosalindr4975 it's nice to hear from you, how are you spending your spare time?

[@Paulohlsson7]

@@rosalindr4975 it's nice to hear from you, how are you spending your spare time?

[@suel7609]

I am always happy when I go to a family party by myself.

[@TKouklaki]

I knew a woman that she got sick from cancer while she was 68. After 2 years she was gone because of narcissistic relationships she couldn’t get rid of. She was so stoic that unavoidably destroyed her own health. Because first of her father and then of her husband who both treated her so badly. I knew her very well and that was a huge hard lesson for me in my life to stay free from any marriage or any type of close relationship with any man. I didn’t regret this forever. Nevertheless I have some male friends BUT always I keep them at a safe distance. They can be easily so manipulative and authoritarian. Unfortunately there is still male dominance and mothers have to do something about it. Otherwise nothing will ever change !

[@sreed5633]

Started listening to you a few years ago. Learning, understanding, and healing. I am immensely grateful for the education and support you provide. Thank you and Bless you!

[@mountainmama9209]

Both of my parents were narcissistically abusive. I’d argue that my true personality didn’t have a chance to develop until I left home and went no contact. Best decision ever. I flourished into the sometimes extrovert, with a bit of artsy introversion thrown in, that I am today. It was unbelievably challenging to come up in the world without a family who had my back, but at least I left the family that knocked me down.

[@AvaJulani]

Good for you, much better to be alone than be with those evil abusers.

[@JLTravels]

Me too!

[@beingilluminous]

Being alone has helped me focus on reclaiming my health and peace. Now, that's the standard if someone wants to connect-must be a help, not a hindrance to my healing. And though it sounds severe or superficial-it's supported by being kind, compassionate, and open-to a point-that's where those boundaries show me what the other person's pattern is. Even at that level, it feels more "expensive" to have a friend while I am paying back my "Health debt" to myself (all the times I gave other's care when I needed to focus on myself". I am always grateful for the wisdoms shared here.

[@evelynespinoza6574]

Dr you might not see this but you have described everything I am going through and everything you say is incredibly true.. I have been following you for a couple of weeks and you have helped me to cope with a narcissist. For many years I was so confused and wondered if I was going crazy and if I needed help but I have realized that my partner needs the most help in this. I am continuing to learn and grasp everything you teach and apply it to my life! so thank you Dr!

[@SnorkfrökenKattsnack]

After my ex narc i am staying singel for the rest of my life. Never ever again. But i'm happy singel 🙌

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I had a very short marriage with a narcissist. Never married again. Financially I should had but just couldn’t.

[@shaniecegullison]

I am never dating again everrrrr

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@shaniecegullison we’ll be financially independent! I was raised by a narc and was supposed to inherit a house money. But we got into a fight actually he did. He had lost control over me. I’m dyslexia, CPTSD, and I think it’s OCD… thanks dad he tried to annihilate me before he passed!

[@mnnew6772]

I am too. All my focus now creating a life worth living being single forever.

[@FitViews]

Yes yes YES!! After 22 years of insane abuse, isolation, being made to feel so bad about myself and my looks, etc I believed I was an introvert. He had me convinced I was a “hermit” and “unfriendly”. Fast forward to freedom and I am definitely more of an extrovert! I love people.

[@beautyintradition8027]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your videos. I listen to several each day to help me heal and to educate myself on narcissistic abuse, so I never fall victim to it again. I recently broke up with my malignant narcissist boyfriend, and although it’s been two weeks, I’m still struggling significantly. When I try to go out in public, I often feel on the verge of a panic attack or experience waves of nausea. I’ve been feeling restless, both physically and mentally. Seeing him post on social media as if nothing happened, while also following new women he never followed during our relationship, adds to my pain. I can’t help but suspect he’s pursuing these women as new sources of “supply,” knowing he’ll eventually hurt them as he did me-and probably many others to come. It hurts to know that this cruel man has stolen my sense of innocence and the carefree spirit I once had, at least for the foreseeable future.

[@suel7609]

@beautyintradition8027 You are lucky you didn't. marry him. I have been stuck 36 years in a marriage to a malignant Narcissist. Only 4 weeks ago when I received Dr Ramani's podcast did I really understand that it was abusive.

[@suel7609]

@beautyintradition8027 I bet he started following new woman to make you feel bad.

[@beautyintradition8027]

@@suel7609 Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t even imagine being trapped with someone so cold and cunning for 36 years. I do think he had been talking to other women for some time, which would explain his terrible “breadcrumbing” and aloof behavior toward me, especially in the last few weeks before I broke up with him. Now that I’ve unfollowed and blocked him, it’s like he’s taken it as a green light to let these women follow him and follow them back, all while they remain unaware of me, his now ex-girlfriend. In true narcissistic fashion, he’s likely already filling his new supply’s head with lies, casting me as the villain and himself as the poor victim, while simultaneously love-bombing them, just as he did with me. It makes me sick. I wish I could help them, but once someone has been manipulated, it’s usually too late-they have to learn the hard way who they’re really dealing with: a cold, cunning user and abuser of women. There’s no way to save everyone, especially when narcissistic men like him go through women without a second thought. He’ll hurt one and move on to the next in a heartbeat. I hope you find healing on your journey. Remember, it’s not you. Nothing you said or did caused them to treat you this way. They are empty shells, incapable of genuine connection.

[@Pamela-k5u]

I had a lot of healing to do after the last episode of narcissistic abuse. I tried explaining it to people, but they just weren't listening. If people have money, influence or status, they're not going to listen to you. Because to the world they look great. But I feel I've now healed and am moving forward. Thank God it's behind me. I made a decision a long time ago that I would never allow someone to change who I am. Unless it's a behavior that's hurting me. Abusive people aren't worth it. I won't let anyone who tried to hurt me stand in the way of me living my life. But sometimes you have to heal in solitude because no one is getting it. You're fighting a losing battle otherwise. Anytime I've gone through a violent situation. Like when I left my home town. Everyone witnessed what was going on. They saw it themselves. But it's like everyone freezes up when you need help. I've learned you have to save yourself. Get yourself out of it, and pretty much heal on your own. The people who are supposed to help you, don't. Because everyone wants a reality where these things don't happen. The people in power get supported. The people who have more people on their side, get supported. It's a numbers game. They don't want to hear about it, they want it to go away. Unfortunately this is why domestic violence rates are so high. Because no one wants to deal with it. They just don't. So you have to. It's an unfortunate reality of our society.

[@anon-mx4jx]

One thing that this relationship changed about me is that I stopped trying so much. I am listening more to myself and what I need now that I recovered and I don't try to fit in and please my partner as much. Sometimes I think it's unfair that my partner now receives a less attentive person than the narcissist got but even if I wanted I can't bring myself to put in so much effort ever again after receiving hell in return the last time. I also care less now about being left. If he wants to leave, whatever. It may sound mean but I learned that you cannot make people stay by bending over backwards, they might not even notice all the things you did for them. I will not be exploited like that again.

[@gabriellakiss772]

So true, exactly how i feel, exactly how i have become ❤️ feels skmewhat disillusioned but feels better and feels more me

[@orangecat1672]

Yes. I love to bake . It’s my therapy. I would bring homemade goodies into my workplace every month. I stopped because I realized certain individuals were just expecting it. It sounds petty but idc. I still bake but now give away to other people. No one will take advantage of my kindness ever again .

[@MephCephAleez]

My narc of 8 years dumped me last week: she found a new supply. I am constantly on stand-by, always ready to get up and do whatever pithy thing she wanted me to do. Things that she was fully capable of doing, but she wanted ME to do it. Literally anything on a whim. I'm learning I can stop being at the ready to serve someone who won't even say "thank you".

[@sparkygump]

I'm much more guarded and cynical than before all of this. Maybe that's a good thing.

[@carolfield2760]

Me too

[@小辻翔]

if you're seeing this comment, it might be a sign to read 'Magnetic Aura' from Talesio ❤️

[@anon-mx4jx]

When he left me I was disoriented for a couple of months but one of the weirdest things was that I started feeling like myself again. I noticed becoming more and more disconnected with myself during the relationship and losing parts of my personality but I didn't attribute it to him as I often try to find reasons in myself for things going wrong. So I thought it's a me problem, maybe it's the depression or stress etc. But when he was gone I noticed my selfworth improving and I felt more like a whole person again. I once even told him that I am feeling worse and worse about myself since being with him, if he can give me more attention and stop criticizing me but he said that's too much to ask for. I might start thinking that I am ok the way I am and stop trying to improve.

[@desertangel100]

spot on about agreeableness and how it depletes you, particularly when it comes to making requests and getting cooperation, then getting called difficult! I usually get my heart ripped out and handed to me when that happens. What fun 🙄

[@SviatoslavYermakov]

this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you

[@t_nels]

Once my boyfriend/first husband saw he could make me cry I noted he liked that too much. I didn't allow him that after. My parents would do anything for him. I knew nobody had my back.

[@tiggeez]

My brother made me so uncomfortable in his home. He treated me like an embarrassment and at the dinner table, when I asked if he and his family would visit me in my house out in the country, he said absolutely not because I have nothing to offer them. That stabbed me in the heart. Then his kids started in with the snide comments and his wife was always snotty to me. I cut him off finally but for a long time I thought I was nothing.

[@ElaineSmith-h9o]

Sorry you experienced this.

[@tiggeez]

@ at least I learned how to get away.

[@Hatbox948]

Wow. That's awful.

[@suel7609]

@tiggeez So sorry you had such mean brother and his family.

[@d.dflowers7635]

My abuse definitely stole my extroversion. I used to be an outgoing, friendly child. Then the abuse turned me into a quiet, scared observer. My narc beat it out of me

[@CheriseStone]

I love u Dr. Ramani I have learned so much from ur videos. I bought ur book online: It's Not You. I just received it in the mail today I am sooo excited to read it! Thanks and God Bless

[@1964tamsin]

This could absolutely be the story of my life. Thank you so much- you are amazing

[@alisonodonnell1773]

Man does this hit home!! I was once the life of the party. Now, 14 months out, I still avoid, preferring to be home with my dogs!

[@janetjones5087]

Same here it feels safer.

[@DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz]

❤Thank you for all your knowledge and support and Wisdom ❤YOUR AWESOME 👏 GOD BLESS YOU 🙏🦋🫶🥰💕💕💕

[@mday3821]

I feel that my extrovert was stolen from me. Part of me needs to be around people & the part is like nope, people will judge, use, abuse you. I find being around people makes me exhausted, which was never the case before.

[@stacyrosa6672]

15 years, but he "moved out" a couple of weeks ago. I'm redecorating my home, but he continues to drop in, daily, under the pretense of checking to see if I need anything. Every time I get into a project that will help me move on, he shows up. I've asked repeatedly for him to call first, but like always, he has no respect for boundaries.

[@janetjones5087]

Mine is doing the same 10 months on always asking do I need anything i can't understand why?

[@NDRP-uh6fs]

Don't answer the door!!!

[@maggamoosie801]

It's like keeping an extra blanket on a shelf.

[@gmcwhinney]

Someone should create an app / service to bring all survivors of narc abuse together! It could be used for safer dating opportunities but most of us will unlikely want to commit to any relationship ever again. Happy to live alone indefinitely tbh

[@EbuAKI]

Never give up. I know it’s easy to feel that way after these relationships. The app idea is brilliant!! 😅

[@mountainmama9209]

I drafted a letter of apology to a restaurant manager for my ex’s behavior. Never sent it, but I was so embarrassed by the fit he threw because we had to wait to be seated. Our young child waited patiently. I also felt tremendous guilt for choosing to have children with this man-child. Once lunch was served, the man-baby turned into the most charming person. His belly full, all was well in his world. That’s one of the reasons he’s my ex.

[@PenninkJacob]

You described me exactly.... I hate being around people exactly bc I'm so sick of the dynamic of paying attention to them, helping them, appeasing them, like a permanent adult babysitter, etc... God I hate it sooo much! I'm soooo sick of it... I can't be around anyone and I don't mind anymore... When I was young I was so funny, it was extracted out of me... so angry....... I hate them...

[@erockfreedom6399]

I have developed a panic that has turned me into someone who is on the agoraphobic side.

[@marysisak2359]

When I was in my early thirties I got a job in Denver. It was an excellent opportunity and I was really excited to move there. I was so happy my first two months. One day I was in the shower. I felt this blackness come over me starting at my head and like a shroud it fell over me. I heard the demon I always carried in my head say "Who do you think you are?" It was as if it had taken him a few months to find me. I tried so hard to hold onto my happiness. It was heartbreaking to watch it slip away. I continued to live there for two more years but I was like a shadow of my former self.

[@diana5898]

Such a good video Dr Ramani.

[@diana5898]

I saw and felt the healing through this one. I knew it was like being robbed of my true self. Wow. I reduced myself and didn't know why I was doing it.

[@Daktylotrochej]

I don't like who I have become... Constant vigilance and walking on eggshells makes me feel like I'm disengenuous and dishonest. Even around other people. I deemed social interactions exhausting.

[@carolfield2760]

I'm not the same and I don't think I ever will be again.

[@jodycasey6936]

Great video today. What comes up for me is, I’m doing it for several reasons. Keep in mind for me when you discuss introversion, I keep to myself because I know as a spirit that my personality has flaws, my tendencies are I have childlike reactions, my thought processes can be lacking or childish. I know deep down inside me there’s a woman unrealized. I never had a chance to nurture herself or grow so that’s not something that you want to spread around. It’s something I want to keep to yourself,knowing that I’m capable of more but that I’m just wired in a way that I’ve carried to this day. Another thing happened for me is never in my whole entire life ever have I had so many people trying to tell me relax,you’re gonna be ok. I’ve only been use and abuse, but not so much supportive and lifted up as much as what’s happening now. I’ve only been threatened and I’ve only been cornered. I’ve only been set up to fail or to take responsibility. Whenever there’s a problem, it’s always time to ask Jody, what did she do? I’m usuallythe butt of the joke if I’m not the one who’s reporting everyone’s actions to everybody else like a town crier. Mainly in the past I’m the one at fault. I’m the one who’s Trouble is coming for me. So it’s really hard to think. Wow, that’s not happening anymore? To be told that I’m OK and to relax and trust and let go is new. I keep looking over my shoulder going. Are you guys talking to me? Are you guys talking to me? Laugh out loud

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

This makes me want to cry. I was raised by a psychopath. I can stay to myself 3 days but then I need to get out. In my youth I socialized with alcohol. I really thought that I have become better. But just the other day I had to stay in an office setting for three hours. The people were very nice. But I went berserk inside. I rushed back to my place. Didn’t even change my clothes got in bed an pulled the covers over me and slept. But that’s it bingo- a chronic state of tension! No doubt. When I was in a day program my blood pressure was almost dangerously high. It’s so confusing! I have been invited to a Halloween party. My friend has a lot of empathy for me. While the adults take the children out trick and treating I can hand out candy. I am going to make myself go. I need to go an be around people.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

I was the assertive outgoing extrovert. Marriage to the narc changed me Divorced and left June 2017. Foe seven years I have avoided parties and get together. Those things I loved I'm good with people. I'm a group fitness dance instructor m. Great fun in a class. Leave and gratefully come home to being alone with many animals Would rather be home than socialize. I've changed and I love it

[@orangecat1672]

Yep - me too . I am content w my own company.

[@NikonYevdokimov]

good video yet again, thank you love ❤️

[@jenrobinson4097]

How does one proceed when you physically need the care of your narc spouse, but the relentlessness of them seeking control over every aspect of your being is making life unbearable. They know you need them in ways of "care", but also will refuse help if the victim makes their boundaries known. Been doing research for years to help a friend. I am just lost. Dr. Ramani, you are truly amazing! I have learned SO much from watching you. Thank you for being you!

[@lesabrydson2526]

I developed chronic anxiety and fatigue so my nerves needs rest, i am a homegirl. I read a lot. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🤲

[@AvaJulani]

They are so miserable of themselves that they are even jealous if you dare to have any friends, or if anyone dare to love you or to like you, while they lie about "freedom and kindness" ... Many passive aggressive toxic people can hide their jealousy very well, while they back stab, triangulate, demean, and sabotage you. If you have toxic parents, know for sure they are far from healthy, far from normal, and extremely evil. They try endlessly to isolate you then they shame you with "why are you always alone? what's wrong with you?" so they can further shame you, demean you, push you down, break you, to use and abuse you for life. Keep in mind, anyone can make babies, while the bad guys would carelessly pump out tons of babies as tools and punching bags. Narcissists and psychopaths cannot shape my core values, never ever, but I am much more cautious with people due to extreme toxic exposures.

[@maggamoosie801]

These kinds of families keep you close to them inside the house always. and no friends are ever welcome. I knew they were 'off' and I was ashamed of them anyhow. Funny, (not), that they often picked on each other with, 'You aren't sociable..that's why you have no friends.' It wasn't true. 💚

[@雷嬿婷]

its hard to put into words, but the book Magnetic Aura from Talesio completely changed my life and it's not new age bs

[@MsTery-ul7pw]

Well they ignore you and start arguments whenever you try to express yourself. When I returned to the work force I didn't realize how bad I was. I would ask "do you want it this way?" "Is it ok if I do it this way?" and it would piss off my coworkers after awhile. They would also say that I'm "too nice". Subtly conditioned to people please.

[@maureencunningham4750]

Thank you so much for highlighting this phenomenon Dr Ramani. I totally agree. The struggle to get over/manage the consequence of being in a N relationship appears overtly as a kind of 'social anxiety' but in fact has deeper characteristics which are far more pervasive. It is like you have to fake it 'til you make make it. One feels like an 'imposter.' It helps to accept this is part of radically accepting that this is part of the legacy. It takes great strength and courage to try and get life back on track. But, it often helps to seek out new experiences such as solo hobbies/travel but within the support of a group environment which builds confidence. Maybe part of radical acceptance is by not judging ourselves too harshly and instead appreciate how well we are managing.

[@steelemedia]

I went from ENFJ to INFJ as a result of my Narc. I’m working like hell to get it back to my old self. I got lucky though. 2 decades of being treated like garbage and my Narc sibling decided to insult my partner. It was like a switch had been flipped. I went no contact with no explanation, or remorse. I will see them in a group, but not 1 on 1. Just trying to undo all the damage

[@tahwsisiht]

I am determined that I don't want to become them. I still will keep the parts of me that I think valuable and positive. Despite their abuse , they will never shape me to be who they would like to shaped me to be. In the meantime, it made me even stronger. Because I was never like them, it was me who have been stronger always. I don't abuse others because it bothers me who they are. I don't want to destroy others because it is threatening for me. I never ever exploited anyone because even when I was a child, I took care of myself. I say what I mean and do what I say. They can't take away "me". I still have "me" and it is an ever stronger version. Through what has happened, I had the chance to prove to myself and to stand by my own self. I don't just say who I am, I have shown to my own self. I lost trust. That I am mourning for. Would be nice to trust. I think I would be able to feel trust again, but will need time and action. It is not bad. Even if I will not find someone I can trust, I know trust is very valuable and to not just giving it away is wise.

[@longsnoutpug7248]

Little reminder for all the narcissists that not every narcissist is an abuser. Your lack of empathy through putting work into not being abusive is not your fault.

[@longsnoutpug7248]

@DoctorRamani-x Why tf you trying to scam me,bro? 💀 Reported

[@abigailandino6251]

I honestly don’t even know who I am anymore.

[@erockfreedom6399]

Same here

[@paulsmith5360]

Find a trauma informed therapist and invest time in recovery. Go well.

[@orangecat1672]

So true - “because everyone wants a reality where these things don’t happen”.

[@Fanlady4236]

All the healing i have done never really felt like the last puzzle piece was missing. A narcissistic father, really unhappy mother that was mean, narcissist boyfriend, then a malicious narcissist husband. I accidentally touched a video for daughters of a narcissistic mother. So i listened. That last piece fit perfectly. I am at peace and happy now. I still listen to you and a few others to feel like i am being backed up like a parent should have been. You sound and feel like a loving supportive mother and I like to listen just because it feels like i have a loving understanding mom. Thank you

[@CuriousSoulCanada]

Listening to a few experts in this field, I haven't found one talking about narcissist recovery and transformation into a beautiful being. They only talk from the victims perspective, only adding confirmation bias to those being into a narcissistic relationship, adding gas to the fire. And that is nothing God loves to see in people, is only the evil wishes and plans to destroy the union between people, so it makes themiracles weaker. Try not to aim to an audience to loves to see that they were right and the narcissists are wrong. Try to show them that they are not perfect and that their faults are just different and that a narcissist is there for a specific reason, to help one work on personal weaknesses and strengths. You are exposing a truth and that helps us learning a new perspective, it is like helping with the troubleshooting, but where is the repair solution? That one is deeper, it is all about energy management, the energy that feeds our Life Force

[@samco63]

Needed this. I’m in the middle of a discard, well, I discarded him because he just seemed to hate me for the last year. But in the one tip toeing and apologising and trying to not set him off - because I don’t want to be “too much” or push him away, because I probably wasn’t ready to end it. But when I was extroverted and met his friends, and I was friendly - he got triggered and broke up with me. The three times I met them. The only time he didn’t, was when I sat at a table and didn’t talk to a soul. I can get jealous too (he’s veeery extroverted and quite flirty with women), but I try not to be jealous but sometimes I would. I would always apologise and try my best to change. But when he was triggered, he blamed me. Said negative stuff about my sister and my sisters ex (who he threatened to kill).

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

Yeah, getting out is the best thing you can do. Stay strong. It took me many years too. The more clearly you see what’s happening, the easier it gets…❤❤

[@85Pesticat]

You just reminded me... We hadn't been dating very long... And he tried to tell me that my friends were not my real friends and I didn't have any friends. I fought with him until he stopped saying it. We had a big language, cultural and class barrier, honestly, so I put this down to him not understanding my lifestyle (not just having a big group of drinking buddies like him). Yeah, he really thought he could get away with talking to me like that. 🙈 I just thought it was so odd but made excuses for his perspective. Then he stopped saying it and pseudo apologized I guess. Then he spent time getting to know my friends and was respectful so I forgot about it. What an idiot. 🙈

[@WistfulCreative]

I have to say, of all the information and help you have offered, nothing resonated like this video. I’m stuck with my ugly narcissist. So now after thirty-five years, I just don’t leave the house and have social anxiety. PTSD, when voices are raised, even the dog barking or TV.

[@kathleenferguson3296]

I became an actor, to get what I needed On Stage. You would be surprised how many of us are introverts. We only allow ourselves to be extroverted in a closed, safe space that a theatre is.

[@kathleenferguson3296]

Addendum: The audience is on the other side of the lights, separated by the stage. They Paid to get in. They want to like you, but you never let them get close. If you Please them, you get applause. If not, soft fruit. It's better than the verbal and physical abuse I got at home, where they Could get close. Actors also sneak out of stage doors, and huddle unnoticed into taxis to go home.

[@JessicaHazewinkel]

My personality? What personality? Everything I know about how I am comes directly or indirectly from one source. My communal narcissistic parent. Anyway, I had a bad personality and if sometimes my behaviour was right, then it was labelled as fake and not being the real (wrong) me.

[@RubbingElbowsLLC]

For whatever the reason, it made me stronger, maybe to the point of overcompensating, but it worked out for me.

[@wishfultask]

Now a days in the internet people pretending to be victims are actually toxic-so spread empathy towards people who really need it ✌✌

[@caitlynnp9507]

I can't like this video enough. It really hits home.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Introverts rock and roll. I have been characterized as an extrovert with a developed introversion. Because of circumstances beyond my control

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

This is 💯 what happened to me. The first narcissistic boyfriend I had isolated me from everyone, cutting me off from close friends and family. I broke free and was super social in college, then had to move back home and became isolated and anti social again from another narcissistic boyfriend and narcissistic family members. Reminding myself it’s not who I am and that I am a social person totally capable of healthy socializing. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@privateprivate8366]

I have come to be abreast of the Needy Love Bomber. The type that make you feel you’re everything, from a plumber, to a mechanic, to a healer. That, if not for you, there’s no way they can survive. They place you on a pedestal. It’s an appeal to your ego. It is to make you feel empowered and like you walk on water, when the reality, is that it’s just to get you groomed, for being used. It’s a double-bind, because they’re being so nice to you and think so much of you, right? If you don’t comply with the role they’ve placed you in, then you’re a disappointment, unworthy and an abandoner, even if they don’t know you quite well. That is because they were working on an agenda, to have you like a cat on a hot tin roof. For me, I don’t know if I’m experiencing social anxiety. Not sure. I attended an event yesterday. I know I was withdrawn. But, as per learning about narcissism, I feel I’m always hyper vigilant, always watching and seeing. I find it odd how things work. I also know that people wonder what’s wrong. Part of it is that my mind ruminates. I see the contrast in how my life is turning out, because of a narcissistic family of origin, as opposed to theirs, although I know some don’t feel it, because they’re overlooking or complying with family issues. I also know there are some games being played, behind the scenes and the person playing those games, would have to be utterly retarded, to not know why I can’t always pull off that happy, engaged stuff.

[@dr.bronziedabney9000]

I was drugged. Yes! Call me crazy but now that I am no longer in the relationship, I can drink a glass of wine🍷without getting violently ill or nodding off like a junkie. I am a social drinker, however, the Narc had people thinking I had a serious drinking or drug problem. The beginning of the smear campaign😭 When we broke up, I was very anxious and stopped socializing, thinking I would either throw up or fall asleep at the dinner table. After a year or so, I figured out that I was drugged. One evening, I purposely drank an entire bottle of wine in the comfort of my own home…Nothing happened! I did not get sick or fall asleep!!! I finally did start socializing again, enjoying a glass of wine, and I did not dose off or get sick. At age 67, I am living my best life. Now I presently enjoy spending time out with my friends without the fear of being drugged. Never underestimate the control of a narcissist. They hate to see you have fun. They may even manipulate your prescriptions or drug your food…to control you😩

[@malaikavida]

So that’s where my social anxiety came from!

[@salonig9005]

My narcissistic mom stole my extrovertion

[@andron967]

I was wondering why I have such a wonderful and special Personality. Now I know.

[@Michael_Arguello]

I wrote a book about how I was changed by my faith in Jesus Christ and how he renewed my mind while going through the court battle for child custody with the narcissistic co-parent. I’ve got an attitude of gratitude for this awareness and for Dr. Ramani, and other content creators, whose videos gave me the intel I need to reflect on my experience and apply strategy throughout years of courtroom antics. My family has benefited from this awareness and we are all boundaried up!

[@Bluesky-f2n]

He told me that even my family does not love me. Yes, I was very agreeable even before. That is why I am still a magnet.

[@rhiannonfugatt3269]

One thing I have not seen talked about on any of the well known channels here on youtube that focus on narcissism is "religious narcissism" which is a learned, programmed behavior taught by and with the bible. I have no problem with Christianity for the most part, as long as they understand my boundaries to not act like your path is the only correct path to the divine when around me--because that kind of behavior and way of thinking, well, that's narcissistic. We share this planet with many types of theisms, polytheism, pantheism, duotheism, monotheism, omnitheism and something can be learned from all of them. Our beliefs shape the way we perceive our place in the universe (cosmology), they also shape how we perceive unusual things we experience or see. If a christian saw a cloud that looked like a human shape with wings they would think it was a vision of an angel, if a Celtic clan person saw the same thing they may would think it was a god or goddess visiting from the uppworld, if a Hindu or Buddhist saw this, well they would know it was a cloud but might think it was a message from one of their winged spirits like Garuda. They are all viable to each persons path and beliefs, No one it right or wrong. We're talking about beliefs FFS! Like looking at the number 6 and when it is upsidedown it's the number 9, two people may see it differently because they are seeing it from different perspectives, neither is wrong. But when a person or group of people would kill others who don't hold the same views, or think it's their God commanded job to convince and convert other people who don't hold the same beliefs well that's a level of narcissism that is classified as a mental sickness. I mean this belief created erasure of indigenous peoples ancestral memories and genocide of entire families during the inquisition. Why is this never talked about?

[@rhiannonfugatt3269]

@DoctorRamani-x I am working right now but can do this later after I get home

[@uwababyeyivirginie8385]

It makes feel crap about yourself!

[@JLisa-13W]

I would love it if you could elaborate at some point on social situations with a narcissist who drinks heavily. I find myself not wanting to go out anywhere with alcohol because of how the narcissistic behavior is so intensified by it.

[@bethgotts8031]

That’s exactly how my family is/was. Always doing. Never fun. Exhausting.

[@natalieforwood2651]

Thankyou Dr Ramani

[@KathieMihindukulasuriya]

The conscientious narcissist can be confusing - until you start to see how harsh their judgement of others is and how vested they are in APPEARING (but not being) moral. They will do good deeds - but only with an audience - when there is no audience, they are very quick to delegate the job to others. Kind of like the politician that shows up at the site of sandbagging, fills one sandbag while his picture is being taken and speeds away. If you mainly see the pictures and offers of help on social media - they seem awesome. One clue to this type I've found is the passive-aggressive shaming of people on social media who need to consider the impact of their actions (by bringing them into line with the narcissist public persona).

[@orangecat1672]

I work in healthcare ( part time ) & working on patients & interacting w colleagues is enough. I savor my days off & weekends w just me & my husband & kittys.

[@AnnGreen-o9e]

A bit hard to be an extrovert when both parents were narcissistic. Because thiS felt normal I married narcissistic men. First, we divorced, second husband died. Then unfortunately I dated narcissistic men. So now I don't trust people. Thanks to the cost of living I can not socialise. A form of financial lockdowns. Hopefully things will improve and I get out again.

[@JimKJeffries]

If I leave, my entire family attacks me endlessly. If I leave, my kids no longer have access to a healthy present parent. And if I leave, I abandoned my oaths to God & everyone I care about. I did not leave, I was sold into slavery. So even if, you withstood their storms, you will still lose. If everyone tried their best, than with loss comes learning, appreciation, health and teamwork. Cluster b is evil, because they know what is right or wrong, and than they chose the wrong. The indifference to what we know is right, is our evil (mother Theresa). This last point is why I can now never go back. Judgement is a mistake, because it is a projection. Most, if not all, mistakes are led by fear. Know your/you're love

[@lupevaldes3370]

I thought I was becoming an introvert bc I didn’t want to be out n about with my spouse but I thought it was bc I’m just over his stupid jokes and rude antics around d others and when you said it’s bc we are absolutely just exhausted with them - it helped me Soo much bc I also thought it’s was also being in perimenopause and being old. Going through a narcissistic relationship is absolutely exhausting and I know I am over it in every way. I need and want to find myself again and feel what my genuine happiness is- and I will work on that as soon as I exit this relationship.

[@summerro6455]

Yes, my personality has changed and I want my real self back.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks for sharing

[@joelbumba2006]

It does NOT. Does it change the personality of a parent who’s rebuking his/her child? No! A responsible person does NOT tolerate EVIL 👿. Simple ...

[@mariehughey5390]

I am in the middle of the extroversion/introversion spectrum. But in large crowds fairs/concerts I can become quite panicked. I can be happily alone for days. At small gatherings I can be quite the social butterfly. BUT most of my social relationships are superficial due to my preferences born of trauma. I have maybe 2 close friends and an understanding spouse.

[@DeborahOlander]

I'm an ambivert. I like people but also gain energy alone. The narc relationships made me much more tentative and less likely to trust and make deeper connections.

[@notagain779]

Years ago when I was young, I had a first date with a man who was very tall and physically fit. We were walking in a dangerous neighborhood. I said to him, "I feel safe with you because you're so big and strong. No one will mess with us." His answer: "I can't go up against a knife, so if a guy comes at us with a knife, you're on your own, babe!" 😂

[@danielsullivan9622]

Was told not to say anything amongst her friends that might be embarrassing for her, right before a party. There's worse...

[@notagain779]

Something I heard today made me laugh: A 108 year old woman who had not married, was asked (as all very old people are asked) "What is your secret to living so long?" Her answer was, "Stay away from other people." 😂😂😂 That's a woman I'd be happy to hang out with in the nursing home - IF she'd HAVE me! 😂

[@hildamendez7274]

Hi Dr. Ramani! Why is my partner so stuck on her trauma bond to the point she doesn’t see how bad he is and always has been. She knows that the way he came into her life was wrong because he’s a psycho therapist who had threatened to testify against her when she was divorcing her exhusband so he could keep her kids so for fear of that she let him come into her life. After 5 years and he slapping one of her kids he was asked to leave but she’s still attached to him. I feel that he’s dangerous for her, but I can’t get her to unbind from him. How can she see others bad but not his?

[@JulieEBurke]

Sound extremely familiar

[@bryanmccaffrey4385]

It's true. I was taken in by an extrovert. She was in a narcissistic relationship before me. I had some traits and behaviors. She love bombed and did the slow fade. It's like I was dating a different person near the end. We both weren't authentic then. I worry about all of this. We're labeling and creating stigma for mental health. A lot of victim mentality in the echo chamber.

[@DoobieDoo-u5e]

Sadly that was my 8 year life And it made me who I am today

[@Snowlily01]

dr Ramani, as much as i love your content, every time i come across it, it makes me feel powerless. Hearing hour long videos about narcissistic impact or behaviour makes me feel like the world’s over. Please have a special segment in your videos on how we can overcome , or make more whole videos on that. We should remember that constantly thinking something has a major impact on ourselves, and if we live in this “my narcissistic dad did this to me” cycle, we might never heal. Also, your channel desperately needs exclusive series dedicated to fatherly, motherly, etc narcissistic abuse. Where all you talk about is these figures and it’s not all over the place.

[@JessicaHazewinkel]

Most videos give me an 'AHA, I recognised this' moment, and then I get pulled back to another long forgotten memory of something that happened, and I can now suddenly view under the light of emotional abuse.

[@blanchemckenna5926]

Yes I changed from being more extroversive to introversion.