The INFP Child

[@erinesque1889]

As an INFP, I was pegged as being “weird” by fellow students as well as teachers, starting from when I was around 3. I don’t remember this, but my mother told me that she had put me into a highly regarded Montessori school and the teachers told her that I was not going to be able to continue because “we can’t help complete duds like Erin”, so she took me out and got me into a different one, that I do remember fondly. Another experience was in first grade, the teacher told me in front of the entire class that I was “weird”, because I had taken the initiative to learn about spiders and wrote a paper for her on them. When the other kids forced me under the jungle gym and poured an entire nest of baby spiders all over my head, she just watched and laughed. It was this as well as one other incident that made my mother take me out of public school all together and started homeschooling me. (She has a degree in teaching), and I got to learn what I wanted yo as well as the stuff I had to learn (mathematics). She loved my personality and allowed me to grow and experience my own self as a child.

[@dulles1969]

Erin your story is bittersweet -- and your retelling of it is delightful. Thank you for sharing! Your mother sounds like she was quite special. I hope that from homeschooling to adulthood you ended up reaping all the happiness you deserve. 🙂

[@thissupernova6491]

Your mom is so dope! If the world had mlre mommys like her, the world would be a better place❤

[@erinesque1889]

@@dulles1969 I’ve been able to continue my uniqueness into adulthood and able to be myself without feeling too weird about it. And because of the internet, I’ve found people who are like me, and that is such an awesome feeling

[@muriellechery1491]

Wow I honestly knew teachers who were bullies too because they try so hard be cool with the little kids or they never help when they see bullying. I’m glad your mom home schooled you because from many Experiences of mine teachers and staff don’t help you when your being bullied in fact they kinda blame you some how and then tell you your just as bad. I’m so sorry that happened to 😥

[@TheValwood]

Same here. I was a weird kid...and kids liked to play with me at home because I has great ideas for fun, but not at school because I was not cool to hang out with. So I was the friend at home but not at school.

[@nehamotwani6477]

I remember from my school days, there was a girl who use to sit with me and with a so called friend of mine. And we both use to make fun of her because she was not cunning and would speak whatever comes in her mind openly and use to ask question which we considered silly. We never considered her as our friend. I remember once she cried in front of us I felt so bad but nobody else did, so I ignored that. Later in my life when I looked back at it, I realized I so badly wanted to belong and not wanted to be a left out, that I did exactly what I dreaded for myself, the way others made fun of me in the past. The innocence in me was covered by the tiresome efforts of becoming like others. I thought that's how I suppose to be, a cunning gossiping person, to not be a dumb one. I still feel ashamed and guilty remembering that. I wish to meet her again to just apologize. And i am glad I finally realized who i really am.

[@dulles1969]

No one can change the past but we can be our better selves in the future. ❤️ That girl will likely never know how important she was for you to change your life in a positive way. Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

[@colettithekid]

When examining our childhood, we can compare our upbringing with that of others and feel like we didn’t have it all that bad. But in the vacuum that exists within our own reality, something like a divorce and being placed in daycare can indeed be traumatic, especially with the sensitivity of an INFP. I became acutely aware of my mother’s stress and would hide my feelings and struggles.

[@dulles1969]

very, very true!! At some point on the path to maturity comes the awareness that the lens is distorted.

[@yaseminylmaz6291]

I was bullied all the time, no matter how I was nice to everyone. No friend, awful home environment lack of socializing... I also thought to take my own life but I couldn't because I was scared of not breathing and were curious about life. I stayed alive even though it was painful most of the time. But I have no regret.

[@dulles1969]

I am so very sorry. 😢 No one should have childhood experiences like this.

[@bettyphanzu2423]

As an INFP, my conquest for inner peace is primordial for my sanity. Thank you for articulating things that felt odd and without a name until now. I watched this video twice by the way :)

[@dulles1969]

Hi Betty, I am so glad if this was helpful for you!!

[@bobbiecellon3508]

i'm 74 and until i got into my late 40's i always thought something was wrong with me. then i took the 'test' and realized i fit INFP perfectly. it was ok to be me and it truly changed my life. i had a sad childhood but through books i was able to live an invisible life where i found happiness. i am still an avid reader. i have never 'belonged' ~ still don't but i know now that is ok. i really enjoyed your talk and much of it resonated with me. i think many INFP's are strong people and are able to find joy and beauty even at the most difficult times in life. thank you for this video.

[@dulles1969]

It's so nice meeting you Bobbie! ❤️ Sounds like we had some quite similar experiences. Older INFPs (I'm in my 50s...) show there is a way to a happy and fulfilling life. If you haven't come across her yet, there is a lady named Dee - from a YT channel called INFP Older Insights. She is a good soul and publishes fun content.

[@kaisfp]

Also, when I was young (primary and secondary school) student, occasionally I saw some conflict between my classmates, and whenever a classmate of mine (probably Fi-dom) stood up for himself in a superconfident way in a conflict around moral topics, I can't relate to that at all. I was always just observing and trying to find a solution out of that situation, I was not good at standing up for myself when I was young. Nowadays (in getting closer to my 40s) I start to feel somewhat more comfortable when I have to stand up for myself on moral grounds, but my first self-defense choice is always some kind of logical explanation of some sort, which I would imagine Fi-doms don't prefer as a first self-defense of choice.

[@dulles1969]

>>whenever a classmate of mine (probably Fi-dom) stood up for himself in a superconfident way in a conflict around moral topics, I can't relate to that at all. ..."standing up for yourself" is probably Se, being able to perceive, process, and respond to the concrete situation. Fi would just be about how you feel about the situation, which is the wrong focus for response. Fi doms tend to look like they have pretty good Ti but they don't value it as a function. Ti is in service of Fi: You will bring in logic if necessary, but only to justify the outcome you "want".

[@isweetieh]

I was one of those INFPs that in childhood would do anything to fit in. That was instinctive, I didn't even had to think about it. But as the memories and moments come clear to my mind, I could finally see what was wrong and what was right. What I should do and what I shouldn't just to fit in. And no one will ever be able to take these lessons from me.

[@freyashipley6556]

This is beautifully articulated. I've always felt that I had a great talent for being a child under 10, and almost none for being an adult.

[@dulles1969]

Thank you so much Freya! The adulting part seems to have worked out ok (so far) in that it got better with age...

[@chilledlion3523]

You are very brave to post a video like this. Being INFP-T I understand everything you are talking about. I am transitioning into adulthood now, and I wish I saw this video sooner. I salute you in your work of being an INFP. (if that makes any sense)

[@dulles1969]

I wish I had better or useful advice. Maybe it's enough to know that so many have through dark times and places, and muddled through somehow. From here on out, fingers crossed it should be an easier (and more interesting) journey. Thank you so kindly for your comment btw and sorry for taking so much time to respond. 💙

[@muriellechery1491]

My childhood as an INFP was just me daydreaming all day and living in my fantasy land. I'm honestly the most stereotypical INFP. In school, I would pretend to be my favorite character from any of my favorite tv shows at the time and out in public I would make up so many stories off of my head and it was all so fun to do...until you start to feel lonely and realized that you have no friends because nobody is living in my imaginary world. Yeah, people thought I was weird but what was even worse was that they knew I was very sensitive and I swear school gave me my social anxiety disorder because in school they always make me cry in front of them to laugh at me (and as a Fi-dom INFP crying in front of people is just humiliating). I started getting bully from 5-7 years old and a little more after but it wasn't as severe because I moved schools. Because of bullying, I wanted to kill myself since I was 5 years old because bullying is already bad enough but for an INFP when every emotion to you is so dramatic and we analyzed every moment of our lives about the great things and ruminate about the bad little things until you can't find where you "fit in" in this world. As an INFP I held everything in because I didn't want my values to be judged and mocked the way the students and even grown teachers did. Now that I'm 18 I learn that my sensitivity is not a weakness but personal and powerful for me and knowing now that I am an INFP doesn't make me feel alone or feel misunderstood anymore and it answers so much of my questions (and as an INFP who wander all day we love when these mysteries we felt we can never solve is answered.)

[@dulles1969]

I'm sorry, it sounds like growing up was a very difficult path for you. I'm so happy to hear that it sounds like at 18 already, you see the path to how being an INFP becomes better and better over time.

[@lornaelizabeth6290]

Thank you. I am 41. My school years were horrendous! Never felt like I fitted in anywhere, badly bullied. Suffered sexual abuse and went on to abuse myself. Until about 20… although I have carried a lot of shame into my 30s/40s. Struggle with very close intimate relationships, unless I meet another as sensitive as me. I do remember the idealistic world… I have moments of creating it… and then I can fall back into ‘my good enough’ really working through this. Self compassion, self compassion ❤️

[@dulles1969]

A wise friend likes to remind, you must put on your own oxygen mask first. 🙏 Self-care is necessary before being able to help others. Thank you for both the heartbreak and the healing. I hope that you have found close relationships with others who understand. 💙

[@joiamed8544]

You know you're being hard on yourself when you think of who you hurt as a young person. Other MBTI don't feel so bad about being pushed to punch a friend in the boy's locker room or they find more devious ways but for us INFP males it hits home and haunts us.

[@dulles1969]

And ... about being hard on yourself, that probably goes for both of us. You have at times been unreasonably hard on yourself. You trusted a religion, and did all you could to do right. That was a very honorable thing.

[@clotildemartinezlopez7017]

There’s always someone saying how weird you are for things that are just so obvious and fun to you, but they just simply seem not to understand it and instead of just respecting our differences they go after you, we really have people making bitter our happiness

[@nerdycap7513]

As an INFP, I always struggled with talking to other kids. But my mom was my savior. She naturally knew the right way to handle an introvert. She knew me well that I love only a few people and I love them well, others are just acquaintances to me. The constant train of negative thought that I have going in my head is balanced by the Positive filter/lens that mother used to put in my head as a child. If not for her, I would have grown up an addict of something. Even food is an addiction to me as I do stress eating because of my rollercoaster emotions. Another thing that keeps me stable is a lot of workout. It takes away the meloncholic side of me...

[@dulles1969]

Thank you for your comment Aman, your mum did very well by you!! Very strongly agree on the point that doing some physical work, or working out, helps a great deal.

[@nerdycap7513]

@@dulles1969 Thanks for making this video sir. It was really helpful ☺️

[@paulaiancu7579]

As a teenage infp, trying to figure out where my future heads, this video really helped me put a lot into perspective in regards to the way I perceve my past mistakes and curent decisions. It honestly was something, I never thought I need it to hear, but it shed a lot of light on topics, that I used to dissmiss without realising what a pivital role they play in my values system. All I can say is thank you for making such insightful content availabe for all the mediators out there, who might go through a similar stage in life.

[@dulles1969]

Thank you Paula, I sincerely hope this has helped!! 🙏🏻 Some mornings I wake up thinking 'OMG what have I done?!?' Just more over-thinking and mind tricks.

[@INFPinSA]

Thank you for this video - so well articulated and relevant to the INFP experience as a child; and how we navigate to maturity in a very knockabout way. Such a thoroughly enjoyable video. One ancedote, of many I could relate to while watching your video...when you spoke of the Wonder Years stage, and the magic of it all for the INFP, I was immediately reminded of my time spent with cousins from both sides of the family. Sleep overs were common, and my brother and I bonded strongly with all of them, but what this reminded me of, and I hadn't given it much thought until now, was how I used to cry whenever we would have to leave after one of these visits. I remember crying uncontrollaby many times on the car ride back home. These happened from say age 6 to around 12. The separation was always SO painful, the magic we created and the bonds were so strong, it was just overwhelming for me when I had to deal with a good-bye. I remember at the end of one visit, as we were leaving, right before I got in the car, I picked up a rock from their gravel driveway and squeezed it in my hand, to have something as a momento...with tears streaming down my face. Yes...the 'magic' is real during the Wonder Years...such intense emotions. It can be burdensome. but I would not trade it for anything. Actually, I was just reminded again of another such episode later in life. We had an exchange student from Germany when I was 19 and still living at home. We were very good friends. In the airport when he was leaving for home again....I wept uncontrollably a good 10 minutes before his departure from the whatchmacallit, the terminal. What memories! Take care my friend.

[@dulles1969]

So good to hear from you Jeremy -- miss your videos! I don't know what to say except 💞💔 -- what can any parent do for a child with a heart so big, who too soon is cast out to life's harshness and brutality? The poor sweet child must suffer to learn every one of those painful lessons. Life will beat you down, have you feel what it means to be hurt. I don't know that there is any easier path for to grow and ultimately fill your purpose.

[@atmosfere4d]

Funny that happened to me too after a great trip I had to San Diego with one of my best friends. I´m from Mexico and I visited her for 2 weeks, I cryed all the way back to the airport, it was a really good time

[@jbrubin8274]

Without too much over-sharing, I know I desperately looked for finding that sense of safety. At the age of 7 was the first time I really saw ‘behind the curtain’. As a threat upon my life, due to my family’s various jobs. Both one ‘side’ versus another meant being the only grandchild this was something that had already been happening. While I was aware of what my family did, it was the first time I was finally let in on this info. Obviously this was a hard wake-up from a dysfunctional family, at best I had grew up with mug shots I needed to remember right next to my last picture. To this day, I still feel the guilt of a recess that was cut short as our teachers screamed for us to return to the inside of the school. Every kid there had the crap scared out of them, my friends who I eventually graduated with. None of whom knows to this person day exactly what happened that day. Me, my mere presence, my family, put them in a position of danger. I can still remember my teacher at the time sprinting directly towards me, and the sirens that followed.

[@Noyb2020]

I’m blown away, this is so accurate and I had no idea it was an INFP thing.

[@annekrohn4252]

Wow! I am so amazed that you clarified my childhood for me! Thanks for sharing this! I am 59 years old, and I still think back to the times in my childhood when I did stupid things and ended up hurting someone. I was 10 years old when I found out that everyone in my class was saying mean things about me. I remember feeling sorry for my parents because I knew they would be so sad to see me being treated that way. I never told them what was happening for that reason. I feel like my life got much better after my thirties.

[@dulles1969]

We learn from an early age how much some feelings can hurt. Once we feel how it feels, it's clear why we wouldn't want anyone else to feel that way. Not every INFP ends up taking this route, but it makes sense why many do. I'm so glad if there's something in here that helps, and hope it might be a springboard for some happy nostalgic memories and not the bad ones...

[@anjalimujumdar8480]

Oh my god! 2 minutes in the video, I previously thought I'm really ungrateful & entitled to hate my childhood & highschool. I'm so glad I'm not alone

[@mostfrozenburrito]

I LOVED your video! My whole experience in life feels properly validated! I’m a 22-year-old INFP. I spent a lot of my early years off doing my own thing. It’s funny because when I look back on a lot of my childhood photos, there’s many where there’s just a group of us and I’m just in my own world daydreaming. I feel like growing up has been a slow journey. It’s not over by any means. I was never really bullied in school. I think I’ve been bullied more outside of school than anything. For some reason, my friends and family like to make fun of me when I’m trying to be serious. It can be frustrating because I exist differently and I just do things and I don’t realize they might be comical to others because I’m existing in my own world so I say things and it’s funny but I don’t mean it to be. Or I can be a bit clueless/oblivious and that makes people laugh at me. My entire immediate family and my boyfriend are ISFJs so they’re all really practical so they kinda laugh at me which can be annoying sometimes. Because being an INFP gives me this kind of childlike demeanor so I feel like nobody ever takes me seriously which is really defeating. I feel that many don’t understand me. That’s really sad. I don’t like that. Here’s the INFP sadness. Like you said, INFPs are slower to grow up and I definitely am. I remember being 16 and my parents saying I was so mature because my sister was freakin wild and got married at 18 and was real rebellious and I was quiet in comparison and tried to not give them any trouble but I sacrificed a lot of myself because of that. I shut myself away in a box but I don’t like that. I want to be me again but it’s been so long and I don’t know how to, really. I remember how I was but how do I ever return? Being an adult is an entirely different circumstance than being a child. That’s where I’m at on my journey I suppose. This was a really long comment. I’m sorry lol. I have a lot to say

[@dulles1969]

Thank you for such a delightful comment Frozen! 😉 Just a thought because you are talking about being understood: Is it about you being understood fully as a person, or about your intent being understood and validated? Because from your comment I would say that I understand you have been trying hard to do right for everyone around you -- even if they do not realize it or acknowledge it. And I recognize that effort, and respect you greatly for making it. I feel this is an important thing for an INFP to hear, and it's not said often enough. 😟

[@mostfrozenburrito]

@@dulles1969 Thank you for such a delightful response!! :D To answer your question, I guess it’d have to lean more in the territory of being validated. Since I have a slower pace of life by nature and therefore my personal growth takes a slower pace as well, many lose patience with me. The prime example of that being my sister (ISFJ). She constantly is frustrated that I’m not where she wants me to be and it has effectively damaged our relationship. I get afraid a lot that everyone else, even those who have stuck with me through the worst of times, will lose patience with me as well and give up on me. I appreciate your kind words in your last paragraph. That’s not really something I hear ever. I constantly feel like I’m not living up to everyone’s standards and even when I make good strides, someone always points out what I haven’t done. So thank you. Those words feel really nice :)

[@dulles1969]

@@mostfrozenburrito Si doms (ISTJ ISFJ) can be challenging for an INFP. They know what they know and expect others to match their (SiTe / SiFe) skills. It leads to growing up feeling guilty of being irresponsible, neglectful, ungrateful. Si-gh...

[@arinreserva]

oh god i got chills in the first three minutes. so, as an infp, at age 10, i created my first original character. since then, i created more of them and they were like my family, my comfort, even because I never had too many friends and talked abt that with my real family, they didn't understand that. i created kinda of an inner world too, where me and them were happy all the time. at some point, my life changed and went wrong, i had destroyed my own inner world and with that my will to live were gone. I maybe have have depression now and some suicidal thoughts, but i'm trying my best to get better!!

[@renatayuuki5705]

Now I understand why I always felt that I died with my childhood and lost myself when I grew up became depressed in my teenage years, and til this day I keep returning back to my childhood to try to revive some of that magic from back then and why I'm always so obsessed with nostalgia, I'm curious to know if INFP are more prone to be hoarders with becoming emotionally attached to objects, just gotta keep pretending everything's ok, I heard "if you repeat a lie enough times people will start to believe it", guess some feelings are still there I still get excited when I see an animal or things I like almost like the autopilot is still on

[@filmcipher]

I absolutely love this video. It feels like I’m being told the story of my life!

[@dulles1969]

Thank you LaShell and so nice to meet you! 😊 A helpful Ni dom recently brought up the concept of Jungian universal archetypes. In addition to personality typing, it's that our experiences map back to a collective unconscious. What we've been through resonates because it has happened, and will continue to happen. It's comforting and a little sad, in a way.

[@arenseaures675]

Thank you so so so much for this video! This was so enlighting and I am so greatful for all of the comments in the commentsection - I think that it’s really brave of you all to speak your life’s story like this❤️ The whole video and the way that you dissect the meaning of being an INFP - as a child, teenager and adult - it is great that you talk about so many different topics that surrounds an INFP. Thank you for that!❤️ I am glad, to meet some people who actually understands how it is to be an INFP. And I am happy that I am not alone with the feeling of the whole sadness-of-loosing-childhood-complex❤️ Thank so so much!! This has helped a lot!! To all INFP’s out there - I hope all the best for you and that you will find the beauty of your life and your existence, if you haven’t already❤️ You are beautiful just by being yourself and you matter, just by being you❤️ So much love and kindness on your way❤️ Love who you are❤️ You will attract the people that you need to see and those who you need to love you❤️ Life will go on for you and you will find people who are just like you one day - I see you and I feel you all❤️ I hope that this message can resonate with you and help you with your struggles - all the love to all of the children of this world❤️✨😍✨🌞🌝🌍 May love, light and happiness find you, to all those who are reading this❤️ It’s so nice to have a safe space like this where you can share your life’s story - please be kind to one another❤️ Peace and love❤️🌍😍

[@augustt8282]

My life as an INFP child was a struggle, I grow up in a broken home my parents were divorced when I was around 3 and I lived with my mother in a small town, we were also poor, I remember early in my childhood I had this weird sense of intuition (I still do, I feel things before they happen) and how things will go, once my mother asked me what will I think if she got remarried again and I told her straight forward you'll be divorced again and I broke down and started crying and she cried with me (I was 5 at the time) and she did get remarried and then divorced again like I predicted, but I did manage throughout my childhood to create this magical world in my mind and kept it to this day, the great thing about being an INFP is having big imagination that I allows you to entertain yourself and this never goes away at least in my case, it's like having a superpower!

[@dulles1969]

I am sorry for your struggle, it's a story felt too many times over. You're absolutely right about imagination! One challenge, though, is that it doesn't turn off. There's always something else running in the foreground or background, like it or not. Sigh...

[@augustt8282]

​@@dulles1969 Thank you , it's true you can't turn it off!!, the funny thing is when I go to the "real world" or even watching a movie I would use the experience and/or story in my imaginative mind, I would come up with different outcomes to the movie that I just watched or even fantasize to be in it and this can happen to anything, like let’s say I talked to my friend or someone, I would then extend the conversation in my mind or create new ones with them, it's so weird and entertaining at the same time, and I can’t count how many times I received a text and reply to it in my mind and forgot about actually replying to the message (I almost did it here 😂) , it’s annoying really but I like it to the point where one time I got drunk once and never drank again because I lost touch with my imagination.

[@MeAndMichaelOeuo]

This hits way too close to home- in a good, tough way, though. Thank you for making this.

[@dulles1969]

I'm sorry to hear Michael. We're all in our own isolated little worlds. But we're not alone in feeling that way.

[@ninasa8100]

As an INFP child I was lucky to meet another INFP child in year four. Now we both are 23 and still close friends. We were always called weird and were left out by everyone else. But I was lucky enough to have a friend and kind teachers.

[@dulles1969]

Lucky indeed!! Thank you for this Soraya, I wish we could find each other more easily!

[@Kyliemsoto]

This literally hit home I’m in awe at this had my full attention the whole video which is hard for me lol

[@dulles1969]

Thanks Kyle!! I am sorry if this video resonates, but if it's also helpful to you in any way then I'm glad.

[@keili222]

This channel is really changing my life and I can’t thank you enough for that

[@mattkim4289]

This idyllic time that you speak of, I vaguely remember bits and pieces of it, somehow I was able to experience it despite being in a fucked up situation. Dad was a raging alcoholic and he beat me and my mom, we left when I was 7 and things were thought to look up but I found further ostracization in school, church, and would often even have the fellow church member adults asking my mom if she had adopted me and my sister (our dad is Korean) so this entire upbringing that was quite difficult to deal with especially when it all come crashing down in my early/pre teens. The summer I was 14 I tried killing myself and I've attempted many times since, but I'd like you to rest assured that this wasn't done out of anything that specifically happened during my upbringing, but once these walls of illusion come tumbling down. My projection onto others was obviously what led me to believe that there had to be something wrong with me. Everyone loves, everyone has compassion, everyone is capable of such depth and appreciation for others.....it wouldn't make any sense otherwise? Being a child and under the impression that we were made in God's image and that we all had his love within us just waiting to be shared with the world. I'm honestly not really sure how I made it, but I know the depression and all these things that were plaguing me prior to my attempt were all but gone. I suppose I lost a part of myself when I overdosed on medication and came to a week later in a mental hospital . I'll leave this story at that and move to the next part I want to speak on. Mind you I'm not making these statements in order to elicit any kind of compassion or sympathy or even woe is me, I do so to let anyone who might read this understand that we are AMAZINGLY strong and can make it through nearly anything, I know good and well that there's nothing really that I would be concerned about taking on....but that drive is all but gone. I have moments where I see an opportunity to give someone some kind words, words of encouragement, and hope to bring a new perspective into their minds so that they have a wider selection to make their choices in life. I'm simply awaiting death and it seems that I've got a bit to go, I'm 41 but my mom is basically my tether here to this world. I refuse to allow her to be put through tremendous amounts of pain that would rip open any wounds that had been carved into our existence up until we left. Know that since my decision to attempt suicide, it seems a whole new person was emerging that stared death in the face and was unfortunately pulled back....I suppose this was my biggest failure as a teen. I don't regret that I failed, I suppose I'm rather indifferent on the matter. How exactly I'm able to keep this love for the world despite seeming to lack this type of love for myself is beyond me. It's a pretty bleak view from the outside in and I suppose it was quite dark for myself, but I have forgiven all those who have wronged me and those that I allowed to wrong me. I even forgave my dad when I was 17 years old wanting to try and wipe the slate and have some type of interaction with him that I never really knew. It seems it wasn't on the menu for that day and to this day still isn't, but we've made a kind of understanding between us that he knows how I feel about wanting to feel the cold embrace of death, to come full circle, to have a life that has come to a final conclusion for the curtains to permanently drop. I actually think it's kind of funny, how far I've come in this almost fascination with death despite the fact that we as humans have a natural animal instinct to want to survive.

[@dulles1969]

Your path in life is heartbreaking 💔 ... no one should have to go through such things. Stuck for years with a front-row seat view of some of the worst that humanity has to offer. I'm glad you are still here. The world needs you and others to bear witness to events as they continue to unfold. The act of observation itself has value. >>I don't regret that I failed, I suppose I'm rather indifferent on the matter. I wanted to draw out this statement because lots of people might misinterpret, but I think I know what you mean. One thing happened and not another. Understanding the underlying nature of things and embracing them as they are, I think that is quite powerful. Thank you for writing these very touching thoughts; I hope they might move some other readers as well.

[@betulk.7073]

They'll suffer regardless of how a good life you give them . Yeah sad but true .

[@janetwalker4483]

This video helped me understand why I like remembering my childhood so much. It's when I understood my place in the world and before I got to Secondary school and got bullied. I now understand why my childhood feels like my "safe place" and why returning to it in my head helps me feel calm and loved when things are not going well in the real world. Thank you for explaining to me that I am not the only one that uses this mechanism to help themselves.

[@dulles1969]

Thank you Janet! ❤️

[@christine8718]

I really relate to your experience, and those experiences of the commenters. I have definitely rejected the world... I remember in my childhood the world was like a fun playground and it was there for me to play with, but no one else wanted me to play, lol. Though, not sure if I could be an INFP - you describe someone so lovely and healing towards the end, I don't believe I am that good to be able to help other people. I don't know if I'm an INFP as I'm not as good to do that, I may be some ISTJ who is just a negative person and butt hurt that I can't mess around in the world the way I want to... lol

[@dulles1969]

@Chris tine, if it's helpful, I first read Keirsey's description of the INFP as "The Healer" archetype a long time ago in college and concluded absolutely not possible - must be an ENFP. But life is full of surprises. My dad is an ISTJ, an amazing achiever yet gentle man with a kind heart. Growing up under him was challenging. I consistently failed to live up to experiential learning (Si) and organizing systems (Te). In his eyes, I was a kid who could pull good grades, but couldn't pull his head out of the clouds. I wish you all the best of luck in your typing journey... every type has its special gifts. ❤️ ISTJs have an incredible ability to specialize and gain absolute mastery over their areas of focus. Much better than (my and possibly your) having a head that's stuffed full of straw.

[@atmosfere4d]

I really felt this one, I´m on my mid 20´s and I think I´m getting to that point where I've realized that everybody has their shit going on but in different ways, and so I feel the need to help and add value to the people I can. On the other hand I cryed when I listened to your story because it really resonated with me, I know for sure I didn´t had a hard life like other people did, and still I remember that pain and hurt while I was growing after de wonder years, specially in school, even till last year lol was a huge struggle , for sure I´m glad that as we grow older we can reconnect with our uniqueness and feel free to be our selves. Thanks for the video, is nice to listen to other Infps and feel understood

[@dulles1969]

Hi Aurita! I'm so glad for you! I think (I am hoping) all these hurts we feel and remember from growing up serve a purpose. Maybe ultimately to understand when others are hurting, and to try and do something -- at some level -- to help.

[@alinakaith186]

I don't even wanna remember those incidents. Life probably would have been miserable if I couldn't get in med school, as that's what keeps me busy and all I try to do is do my best towards my goals. I am greatful to be surrounded by few amazing people and all I need to do is being productive and read alot because that's what gives me peace.. I am so proud of myself because I have really become stronger, hugs to myself..

[@dulles1969]

Thank you Alina, for representing how INFPs can turn out productive and successful in life! We can do things that we put our minds and effort into.

[@loisrabies8713]

I loved childhood and I think about it a lot and how I didn’t take enough advantage of that freedom. It got harder as I got older, bullied and ignored etc. I made friends with mainly the least popular ones. A lot of escapism. A lot of going along with people because I felt I had to etc. But I did manage to bring a lot of idealism of childhood back at least sporadically through art, experimentation and meditation. Having a child brought that connection back though as my son is getting to post 10 he is losing that wonderment and I have lost some in response. If that makes any sense I don’t know. Plus being cutting off from almost everyone doesn’t help either. Fascinating video 😀

[@dulles1969]

It makes so much sense. Our obligations and our cares govern us as we get older. That time we need to play and be free from our worries disappears. So the only fully adequate response I can make is ❤️💞

[@sstradasstuff6660]

Thank you so much for the video. I struggle a lot with one of the first points in the video, this being that many others have it worse, then I shouldn't be feeling bad at all. In some ways it kind of grounds me to reality, making me realize that not everything is bad, but in others, I think it devalues what I feel in general and makes me feel worse; so seeing this more open point of view really helps a lot :)

[@dulles1969]

Hi Sstrada! That's very well said, thank you. 🙂 It's a long way of saying please don't be hard on yourself, but just saying it vs. actually doing that are two very different things...

[@olderinfpinsights]

Great job. Just yesterday I thought about talking about this subject but decided against it--too painful. Then your video was recommended to me by YT so it was meant to be and deal with. So resonated, especially with the age 10 part. I had a magical perfect life until 4th grade. Then after that all my friends were no longer allowed to play with me or even talk to me. I never understood why and still don't but being from a small town, I figured it was that. Group Think. Nice to know I'm not the only one who went through this. Thanks for the validation I needed today.

[@dulles1969]

Thanks so much Dee! And I'm so sorry you went through this kind of experience, too. The themes of growing up are universal, but we can take things especially hard.

[@iwatchyoutube4179]

I remeber during recess I would walk on a small rock garden something and just daydream for 30 minutes straight without a single care and the school guard would chase me out everytime and i still do it again lol. I knew I was weird as kid and try to "conform" and that made me a very boring individual ( lol ) that don't know himself. It was when i was 15 that I just straight up said to myself "man at the end of the day I'm just gonna be myself so fuck it" and now I'm genuinely content with myself and can be more interesting to other people.

[@wynstansmom829]

3:50 yes, The Wonder Years. perhaps this is not exclusive to the INFP. My parents divorced when I was 12 and that was the end of my Wonder Years. I was happy then. Riding my Schwinn all over the neighborhood, playing Catwoman when we played Batman and exploring the woods or reading yet another book while the girls played Barbie. The teenage years were more difficult for me. My big picture view of the world was overwhelming, peopling was difficult and I moved often. I think the Air signs and I am Sun, Moon and Rising Air Signs and perhaps the INTJ's like myself need to put roots in the Earth, somewhere or sometimes... and now I am listening again. Brian, I will be commenting as I listen instead of commenting afterwards.

[@wynstansmom829]

5:58 "you lash yourself together" this statement evoked such a visual image of Sea Otters holding paws to lash themself together and form a 'raft' to survive those rough Se's. Wonderful metaphor.

[@wynstansmom829]

3:29 I inadvertently skipped backwardsi and here you mentioned something about the point where there is a point for the INFP child that reminded me of what Carl Jung said in a video about 'consciousness', an awakening or enlightment. I remember as a young child standing in front of the bathroom window and thinking 'out there is a very big world and I wish I had not realized this when I was so young". Ni is a SuperPower but also a Warning to be prepared. Did you have a moment of 'consciousness' that the world would not always be such a magical place for you?

[@wynstansmom829]

4:52 "what other options would there be?" Alice Longworth Roosevelt once said 'If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me'... I guess there are other options but I am inherently a nice person and would not have sat next to Alice to gossip about other people. I would have loved to sit next to her father Teddy Roosevelt. I have decided he might have been an ENTJ.

[@wynstansmom829]

9:32 "when you see other people forming cliques" yes because I have seen this my entire life. I tried on more than a few 'cliques' for size but alas, Goldilocks and I both know its hard to find the perfect size. I had a fun visual when you said this, Brian. I imagined all of 'us' at a Meetup and in my visual, I was sitting with a few of the Oldish at a restaurant table ( I think in Las Vegas) and while I imagined us having Te and coffee, I wondered if when a group of personality types meet up, will the Oldish hang with the other Oldish despite the personality type or would the personality types hang together despite their age? I don't know for sure but I think I would like to sit and chat with you, regardless.

[@dulles1969]

Thank you so kindly WM! I agree and think you are right that golden memories from the Wonder Years should be part of any normal childhood. Were you a comic book fan? Or a connoisseur of the 1960s show (in which case I hope you were the Eartha Kitt opposite Adam West). I grew up in a small farming village near the Alps, so my young memories are filled with blooming alfalfa and rolling hills of wheat, swarms of butterflies, beetles and bees, snails, soccer and beer, a loving extended family, cows in fields and hedgehogs living under garden sheds. Then in a day (and a plane ticket), that childhood vanished. Looking back it set up this compartmentalized past, and selective memory elevated it to something almost mythical.

[@tammyyeager2287]

Warmth exudes from you. Kindness and authenticity. Thank you.

[@dulles1969]

Thank you Tammy that is very kind of you! Thanks for checking out the video. I hope it was helpful or resonated in some positive way for you.

[@seattlejones2908]

This really resonates Dulles-thank you

[@RawPower7]

Man you got a comfortable voice, so much better than the people who yell all the time.

[@augustt8282]

You have a very soothing voice.

[@earthtotay]

I’m in the isolation period, I can’t seem to get out but this was so relatable. I feel understood again. Recently I felt alone and hurt, stuck in my head and these negative thoughts. But I’m glad I found your video

[@suesteig3025]

Loved this video. As an Infp it hit home and very helpful. Thank you. ❤

[@fallenfreak828]

Very insightful and well spoken

[@wynstansmom829]

9:08 Si sits 3rd slot for you. This is the archetypal Puer/Puella (Peter Pan). The difference in how you remember your childhood is not that dissimilar to how I remember my childhood, however, here the difference here is I have just realized is that your 3rd slot Si would remain in your ego, your persona while mine sitting 8th slot tugs at my ego and sits with the archetypes in my collective unconscious to remind me this is where I belong (ed). I wonder if this 3rd slot Si is responsible for people's 'Collections'. How Fascinating.

[@Zatticzattic]

Thanks for this! It was very insightful.

[@arenseaures675]

Love and peace❤️🌍😍

[@namelessgrace6319]

Wow, love this video. Definitely felt this.

[@dulles1969]

I am glad it resonated, and also very sorry. 🥲

[@namelessgrace6319]

@@dulles1969 It's okay, thank you. Us INFPs are strong! :)

[@damanodrama]

This is very useful as a connection to others with similar stories. To uplift the effort of this channel, I want to add the also amazing work of CS Joseph. His insights about INFP’s are incredibly eye opening.

[@dulles1969]

Thanks Flor!! I'd like to chime in with some of the other channels talking about their INFP experiences -- INFP Older Insights, Soliloquy, INFP Voice, INFP HD of course, and MBTimes are just a few.

[@damanodrama]

@@dulles1969 I will definitely check those out! Thanks 🌱

[@draug7966]

This is very relatable, i also remember it like things were fine until school started and reality kinda came crushing down on you and all over sudden you had to do this and do that whether it made any sense or not, however school was pretty ok until 7th grade. Don´t know how it works now(i´m 41) but back then it was a huge leap from 6th to 7th grade, new school, new teachers, more homework, different system and at the same time, this thing with cliques and being cool and have the "right" clothes and all that just got more and more intense. Got somewhat bullied for reasons i still don´t get, i mean i wasn´t THAT weird. Or maybe i was, who knows lol. Anyhow i got so fed up with it i started skipping school and kinda isolate myself, then for 9th grade i was placed in a small group for kids who didn´t function in the regular school for various reasons. Whole different experience, everything just felt right from day 1. We were basically a rag-tag group of weirdo teens with different back stories but it was so much easier connecting with them than some jocks in a "normal" school.

[@dulles1969]

In many respects this feels like an eerily similar arc draug -- thank you for your comment!!

[@norainid.2970]

I think it helps having great friends around you.

[@mitzyzuniga764]

Thank you for your words and I needed this😎keep doing u😁⭐

[@dulles1969]

Thank you Mitzy -- and thank you for your words. It makes a big difference to know that this matters, and hopefully is helpful.

[@TheMrssanderson]

Excellent

[@amkobra]

In my childhood, I wasn't as naive as the way described but I was for the most part incredibly idealistic. My self esteem took a massive nose dive the older I got. I was just talking to a friend earlier and I explained that I feel like an orange in a bowl full of apples. Like this world wasn't built for people like me. It's rough. He thought I thinking about killing myself. That's not the plan, but I do ask myself sometimes does this beat nothing at all? It's grim. I like your video though.

[@dulles1969]

Being an orange in a bowlful of apples is not such a bad thing. I hope you have had experiences showing that it really does get better... or at least interesting. I don't know whether this is helpful, but even in dark days, there's always an interest in seeing how things ultimately turn out.

[@thomasalegredelasoujeole9998]

I could only let go of my childhood/teen hurts at around 27 years old…

[@dulles1969]

Some of the bad memories still come back once in a while, like old friends. It's now all part of nostalgia for the past.

[@sakuna5277]

I feel this alot.

[@joiamed8544]

You rock

[@mufaro1988]

I kept on getting chills this entire video, craaaazy😭😭😭

[@dulles1969]

If the takeaway is that you are not alone, I hope this is helpful? 🥲

[@jeremiahfix5529]

Maybe untrue, however I ponder if its not a slow maturation but a thorough maturation.

[@dulles1969]

Seeing as I was still playing kids games at 18 ... and am still playing games at fifty-(mumble) ... you are probably right.

[@TheValwood]

Yes...the things I did wrong..they haunt me to this day! However it sounds like you had a better childhood than me...my dad was an alchoholic and verbally and physically abusive. Finally they divorced when I was 12 (phew) and the scares endure.

[@dulles1969]

I'm so sorry to hear Valerie. :( it's a truly terrible thing when a child is helpless victim of bad adult behavior. These negative experiences cast such a long, dark shadow. Did things get better for you after age 12? Did you have some kind of refuge where you could retreat when you were younger, or as a teenager? I know this is a sensitive topic so please push back (and forgive) if I'm prying too much.

[@TheValwood]

@@dulles1969 Yes, things were better once my dad wasn't in my everyday life. My grandmother (actually my dad's mom) treated me like a princess.

[@dulles1969]

@@TheValwood And you turned out more INFP than me, as if you need to be told! 😊

[@TheValwood]

@@dulles1969 What?? No! I haven't had anyone do my test...just online questionaires.

[@dulles1969]

@@TheValwood Honorary INFP until someone makes it official, because you are all heart. 💞

[@reemm290]

very well said :)

[@carrikartes1403]

Definitely not utopia for me. My world was never safe. The only time I was at peace and happy was when I was alone. Miserable childhood and teenage years.

[@dulles1969]

I am so sorry to hear this Carri. It's a rough start for INFPs. I hope that things got better and better for you over time.

[@carrikartes1403]

@@dulles1969 it did, but it took awhile. Very stable now. INFP-A. Lots of work, lots of forgiving. Luckily we are a forgiving type.

[@betulk.7073]

I feel desperately lonely even when I am around my classmates whom I knew for about five years or something . The persons i can call my friend and be happy talking with them are all online friends that are very far from my home . I really wish that i had someone like them who lived close to me or at least who was in my school . I also have no other introvert person in my family which makes me feel even more lonely .

[@dulles1969]

I'm so sorry to hear Mangaka. People on the internet help. But having no introverts in the family -- that is really hard. One of the greatest gifts my dad (an ISTJ) could give: much of my childhood and teenage years, he left me alone. I hope, hope sincerely you will find peers where you can be comfortably odd together. 😉 It makes such a big difference.

[@betulk.7073]

@@dulles1969 yeah it is really hard , my family thinks being antisocial is a mental disorder xD they used to force me to go places with lots of people . ( Fortunately thanks to pandemic they let me be now ) The worst thing is that i don't have any activities to do with them as they don't try the things i like , art and stuff ... Still i am very fine now , being home and watching KZbin videos is just awesome XD btw i love your videos ❤️ they make me feel happy that i am an INFP . Thanks

[@dulles1969]

@@betulk.7073 Thank you so kindly! My feelings about doing these videos is... complicated. If you haven't seen, I'd also recommend INFP Older Insights channel on YT, she is absolutely precious.🙂

[@publicpitchblendeorg]

I was just a kid I didn't know

[@afsl808]

I know you, it's me

[@dulles1969]

❤ so please be kind to you.

[@publicpitchblendeorg]

You wete gen X not INFP

[@dulles1969]

Yes, in the 80s a latchkey-usin', fruit rollup-eatin', Friday Night Videos-watchin', Scritti Politti-listenin', Members Only jacket-wearin', Pumas-walkin', AMC Eagle-ridin', The Morning After-fearin', D&D-playin' kid. 😇