The Internet can't decide who's in the wrong: SZA vs fan

[@DAngeloWallace]

heyy here's a little video for the weekend :^) anyway sign up for an account at grammarly.com/wallace. if you want to get access to extra features, get 20% off grammarly premium!

[@lilbean2330]

Earllyy

[@zycklacon9588]

my leg hurts

[@felixiros]

yaay!!!!!!!!!!!

[@emilybrandt3020]

The style game is on point as usual!

[@HJons]

thank you

[@faestreya]

People always get mad at celebrities for being out of touch, but when they show humanity and speak to others like they're equals, then they're dragged for being sensitive or "attacking" people. That's my main problem with this whole thing

[@Mreow33]

but sza literally is being sensitive right now. this joke is years old, if shes that mad she can block her

[@mo.ri.e]

@@Mreow33 who cares if she was being sensitive? she's human and has a right to share how she feels. She wasn't even being mean about it.

[@Mreow33]

@@mo.ri.e she shouldnt be sliding in a fans dms and exepect them to automatically apologize. sza is a celebrity; shes also said MUCH MUCH worse.

[@monbub]

@@Mreow33 so? I like seeing her sensitive side, it shows me that she has problems that the average person can relate to. and I like that she stood up for herself, even if the joke wasn't intended to hurt her.

[@cyagami90]

tbh they arent our equals. they are destroying our planet with their unlimited resources and dont actually contribute to living necessities in society. i dont wanna hear celebs out of touch takes sure but i dont wanna hear abt their boohoo anxiety either. go to therapy you can afford it we are in a poverty crisis why do we give a shit how these hunger gamesesque people feel abt a stupid post

[@frickinfrick8488]

It’s weird how normal it is to publicly say mean things to an individual under the assumption that “I didn’t think they’d see it”. Like why is that an excuse

[@TheEpicGene15]

Literally! And they say that KNOWING THEY MADE A PUBLIC POST ON THE INTERNET!!! Like bro private posting is a thing 😭😭😭 you just wanted attention without the smoke and when you got confronted now you’re acting all soft and timid. Weirdo terminally online behavior

[@user-og7qq5zy8p]

and it's so bizarre to tag someone in the post AND THEN say 'oh I didn't think you'd see it'

[@TadanGirl]

It’s not. People have had negative opinions and good opinions about people since prehistoric times :) and very publicly as well! Especially with public people and celebrities. You should’ve seen what people said about Gladiators!

[@RealElongatedMuskrat]

it's like gossiping about someone and then saying "OH I didn't think it would get back to you" like?? 🤔

[@millicentbystander4502]

ALSO she tagged SZA in the post..... like yeah shes prolly gonna see it

[@Iamdorkfrogman]

Can we just talk about the fact that somehow she's smart enough to say "i'm a child so an adult shouldnt be bullying me", but not smart enough to realize she shouldnt be bullying an adult cause they have feelings too? It's giving me "i'm a child so everyone should focus on me and i can do no wrong"

[@CadetRedShirt]

Very accurate

[@cloud_lost_in_thought]

Toddler behavior fr...

[@lolanola1783]

She also.. literally isn't a child?? I'm 18 too, and she's acting like a middle schooler! She sounds like a mean girl who hasn't gotten over that phase.

[@nic_aya]

She's not even a child that's the thing. She's 18. And lacks a painful amount of self awareness

[@nebulabear9714]

@@nic_aya exactly. Dev limes/Nickisnotgreen did a video and so many ppl in the comments were like ‘well she’s just a kid SZA is so weird and mean for using the power imbalance’ HUH?? Yeah a kid young enough to smoke/enter the military or live alone right? Just excusing her because they are likely older but I remember being 18 and apologizing for being insensitive on accident. It’s not that hard and weird to see so many people saying she’ll learn later (to have empathy I guess??) bc she’s young. THIS is the learning experience lmao

[@AnnaAkana]

I just think the irony of her being like "lol it's a joke ur famous get over it, negativity is bound to happen!!" then immediately privating her account / deleting the tik tok the moment she experienced a fraction of the hate SZA has had to deal with for years sent me. As someone in the public eye & entertainment industry, people treating you as subhuman all the time DOES get to be too much. Thank you for covering in a hilarious way Dangelo!!

[@s.sydneyw]

but this girl also isn’t trying to be a mainstream celebrity and sell albums globally..

[@chriswastaken420]

@@s.sydneywand thats why sza talked to her in private instead of blasting her ass on social media and letting her fanbase attack her… that girl did that to herself

[@kyanna1]

@@s.sydneywShe still made videos on her public account about a famous person you’re naive if you think she wasn’t seeking some kind of attention for it she most likely didn’t expect it to be such negative attention

[@Katinahat293]

Yeah she (“fan”) deserves every bit of hate she gets after tryna send hate to SZA multiple times and gaslighting her into apologizing. Karma is a lovely b**ch!

[@nubbylittlecat1753]

@@s.sydneywSo? She still put herself out there on her own didn’t she?

[@gabriellaberman]

the girl mocking SZA’s grammar fully pushed me over the edge. this girl sounds so damn entitled and just straight up rude. i can imagine this would’ve been pretty hurtful to SZA

[@ChexzMix]

​@ville2_ 👁

[@suoutubez19]

And it’s anti-black ):

[@elmelmelmelm]

@@suoutubez19It came off that way to me as well. The whole thing was laden with micro aggressions, imo… Like how she immediately labeled a black woman as hateful and angry for simply having a counter point to her bs, and how the subtext of her tiktok commentary read strongly as, “stop talking and get back to entertaining me.”

[@ishathakor]

no fr it's literally just "i'm better than you because i speak standardized english and you don't". like we can't forget here that sza is black too

[@diarawisteria2218]

Yeah, I agree. It definitely had racist vibes to it, as well as just being a shit argument. I type like this because it's what I was taught, but that doesn't mean my friends do, because they learned other ways. In the end, what does it say? "I'm going to treat you as stupid and uneducated because you don't communicate like I do."? Fuckin'???? The level of ableism also smacks me in the face--dismissing how she could have learned to type that way to better communicate with others, and OFC, the dismissal of her anxiety. That girl also has no business bitching about anyone else's grammar/punctuation when she sent out messages like she was trying to build a lopsided wall.

[@Mochafairiemonster]

Sza in Ghost in the Machine specifically says “Drowning in vanity, Y’all lack humanity, I need humanity.” She was directly addressing people like this “fan”

[@sarahissom260]

I literally thought of Ghost in the Machine listening to this. Imagine saying you’re a fan of her music and her and then invalidating her feelings and bullying her for your 15 seconds of tiktok fame

[@AD-sl8kb]

Yes, I immediately thought of this song. “Can you hate on me and mask it with laughter?”

[@butchbottoms]

yeah not a real fan if she didn't make the connection

[@mazal9895]

Her age, nominations and awards don’t take away from the fact that she’s a HUMAN BEING with feelings and emotions.

[@BigOwl51]

Yeah bro feel bad for the multi millionaire who doesn’t know you exist! Poor sza. She’s such a victim with her 10 million dollar net worth. She’s really suffering.

[@mazal9895]

@@BigOwl51 lol sounds like someone’s jealous of SZA’s wealth 👀

[@blaketherealest]

@@mazal9895 she's a grown woman she needs to get over herself

[@maxthedinochild4521]

⁠@@mazal9895I feel as though that’s not what they meant. When most people mention a multimillionaire’s wealth is because to get such a large amount of money you have to do unethical things. Another point they may have been trying to make is that their wealth allows them to have more privileges so they shouldn’t be upset about a random person disliking them (I don’t really agree with this last point though, but I know some people think this way). However they could also just be jealous of their wealth I’m not them so I don’t actually know😅

[@mazal9895]

@@maxthedinochild4521 she’s still a human being. No amount of money or privilege should take that away.

[@anagonzalez8972]

Crazy to see her say "I'm your fan" but in the same breath essentially express "I don't care about your anxiety, your anxiety is not my problem". But she's a fan, totally.

[@sebo641]

That's ok tho. You can be a fan of their work, not of them. For example I still enjoy Travis Scott's music even tho he's kind of evil

[@keojiabrown6807]

​​@@sebo641there's that and being fake she was being fake asf

[@i.7525]

yeah, she may be a fan of the music but not of sza. some people call themselves fans but actually mean "i am entitled to endless gratitude from this person cause i streamed their songs a bunch"

[@desubysnusnu]

A fan-atic

[@DavidTheBaker]

Oh yeah. This fan is the worst kind of chronically online person to have in a fanbase

[@gladitsnotme]

Stan culture wrapped up in one orange eyelinered kid.

[@mathteacher5690]

@@gladitsnotme orange!? 🤨

[@MsSpooke]

@@mathteacher5690 Yes, she has orange eyeliner and eyeshadow, do your eyes work by chance?

[@balaynganiyebe]

@@MsSpooke and you're so riled up because someone didn't focus on a person's eyeliner ...?

[@natashap7591]

​@@MsSpooke"do your eyes work by chance?" is SENDING me lmfaoo i'm using this from bow on

[@millahenderson9340]

i think SZA did a great job with explaining her feelings. This honestly made me respect her more, and see her as more of a human being. I wish the internet wasn't so toxic

[@pvic6959]

the fact that this 18 year old jumped to being mean so fast made me sad :(

[@fayeprime9631]

@@pvic6959 yeah same...but thats because apparently some people are allergic to admit that they were wrong.. Like how hard can it be to be sorry? Sure you will feel ahamed because everyone will be upset with you for that but in the end they are glad you spoke the truth instead of digging the hole deeper than it was..

[@mhawang8204]

@@pvic6959 I think the fact that she thought SZA wouldn’t see it but got a bunch DMs kind of embarrassed her. And to mask that embarrassment, she tried to brush it off like “just a joke” instead of owning up to actually hurting someone’s feelings. It’s a defence mechanism. Hopefully she will mature enough to learn why this is not the ideal way to react.

[@rabbit6546]

I’m really out of the loop around big music artists so I don’t really know anything about her but just 8 minutes into this video alone I’d go up to bat for her LOL I really fuck w the fact she states her feelings and won’t let ppl step on her for their own enjoyment

[@pvic6959]

​@@fayeprime9631 the irony is that she has more people upset with her now LOL. if she just left the comment up and publicly replied to it saying "Im sorry, I was trying to make a meme. I didn't realize the impact it would have on you", no one would be talking about this she wouldnt even have to delete teh post if she didnt want to. but now people are upset with her . i think sza is not in the wrong at all. Maybe the only thing she could have done better was stop earlier realizing its a lost cause (but as someone who types a lot, i know how hard that is to do lol)

[@serchmaabaatarchuluun5761]

I hate how she tried to hide before her age because if my 7 year old nephew made joke at me and if i say it hurt my feeling, he would immediately apologize. So her being 18 and not acting empathetic is all on her, not her age.

[@xdlr22]

I feel like older “teens” (technically adults) use this excuse A LOT. And I don’t mean all of them. I wasn’t like that. But I literally had a 19 year old act inappropriately towards me when I was 21 and she pulled the “I’m only 19” which was really upsetting for me since I was really really hurt by what she did. Not only did she pull that card, she also pulled the “I’m an adult” card I can do what I want in the same breath. And a lot of our peers just went with it to not rock the boat. Mind you rocking the boat was saying you disagree with a sexual predator, but I digress… 18 years old is too old to be a little shit and not care about others. Like you said, even actual CHILDREN are more empathetic than that.

[@deadgirlwalkingg]

I honestly feel, just like D'Angelo mentioned, as if she learned these big words and general narrative and tried to get her way with it - right now we're often talking about power imbalance, problematic age differences, protecting the youth etc. so she was trying to use it to her advantage, thinking it'll stick

[@ma1102]

yes i was a nanny for a few years and that’s honestly how i guided their behavior. explaining to a child their actions can have negative consequences/truly hurt someone within the lens of assuming good intentions, really affected them in a healthy way. cause they’re just small kids figuring it out! they don’t want to hurt, mock, behave unkindly. then they can course correct and learn about taking accountability. so at the end of they day- 18 is far too old to respond to hurt feelings by hijacking the narrative and crying immaturity. at a certain point, you are just a bully. and thats sad. 🤷‍♀️

[@hails1136]

the way she's smiling ear to ear showing messages from sza being vulnerable and expressing very human emotions gives me such a foul taste in my mouth.

[@jupiterzombies]

i couldnt have expressed it better myself.... this woman's really opening her heart out in private just to be made fun of publicly... come on girl. not cool.

[@monkeymamaa]

We need some sort of global agreement on when, if ever, private dms are shared for the world to see. If I was famous I would be paranoid 24/7

[@asr2585]

People seem to forget that SZA used to struggle with stage freight MAJORLY back at the start of her fame. The SOS tour has been a huge step for her in that and we can understand how recreating a meme that has caused hurt for her back then could send her back into that mindset of not feeling good enough when performing.

[@JessieP07]

And again that’s a her a problem, not a fan problem

[@yukiandkanamekuran]

@@JessieP07 you dont deserve to go to her concert if you dont respect her.

[@undercookedtoast1479]

@@JessieP07Your lack of sympathy, empathy, or compassion is only a you problem, yet you’ve chosen to also make it everyone else’s problem by publicly displaying it online.

[@GreySeashell-j3m]

@@JessieP07 ??? It is a fan problem if they literally _made_ that problem. Learn accountability.

[@Lilnugget_96]

@@JessieP07Obviously it’s her problem since she’s dealing with it, but that doesn’t mean other people have a right to make her problem worse or try to invalidate it.

[@intrepidabsurdist]

It doesn’t matter how old you are, if someone says ‘your actions hurt me’ you, at least, acknowledge this and hopefully apologize.

[@_alanawalker]

Maturity and self awareness comes with age. Sometimes not at all.

[@elle_rose_xx]

Imagine your grandma says you upset her and you’re like YOURE OLD GRAMS TOO BAD

[@sukiiriinaa]

​@@elle_rose_xxlmaooooooo. Hilarious and yet childish at the same time. Sis is basking in the attention. Like the stereotypical mean girl. Sza gave her too much respect by acknowledging her existence. Should've blocked her after she said her initial peace. But I guess Sza was feeling down at the time and she was just the person she happen to open up to. Sad all around.

[@crappyj7603]

No if someone is saying your actions hurt them when your actions were well intentioned and you weren't responsible for the hurt caused to the person in the first place then apologizing is so stupid.

[@worldinperson]

It doesn't work for every situation. "You're arrested for murder." "Your actions hurt me!" "I'm sorry!!!!!"

[@Blutzen]

My take: The girl absolutely wanted SZA to see her post--which is why she tagged her--but she was _hoping_ that SZA would react like "Haha nice joke, you're referencing an old meme and I see you and appreciate you" so she was really taken aback by the "Actually that meme really messed with my mental, and you recreating it like this is bringing back a lot of bad feelings" And rather than sit there and feel ashamed that she inadvertently hurt somebody's feelings, she tried to spin it so that what she did was okay actually, and just kept digging the hole instead of admitting she was at fault. Like, she literally admits "I deleted SZA's comment because I was embarrassed" (5:30) so she _knew_ she was in the wrong, but she was trying to hide from that instead of own up to it. And I totally get that, it's _hard_ to admit you're wrong, and caused harm without meaning to, even under normal circumstances, but when it's a person that you look up to it's so much worse. So I think that I understand where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean she's any less wrong, or that SZA reacted inappropriately.

[@jumpingfrog740]

what are the chances of her seeing it though lmao

[@strayiggytv]

This to me is the core of it. People cannot in this day and age ever be wrong. They'd rather die than admit "yeah that was wack I'm sorry"

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@strayiggytv Oh hah no that was always an issue. There are always those people in a generation who refuse to admit theyre wrong or will admit that they need to back down. Ever. Every generation has them. And every generation hates them.

[@monbub]

this. she acted defensively rather than owning up to the mistake and deleting the damn post. just goes to show how much the incident embarrassed this girl.

[@corvicore6813]

really good analysis! i agree completely

[@chriswastaken420]

sza reached out in private… and that girl tried to downplay sza’s reaction and make herself look innocent. sza is innocent that girl has some issues

[@BigOwl51]

Maybe sza should go work for McDonald’s if one fan being a meanie bobeanie is enough to “hurt” her. She’s weak 😂

[@birdsinanest]

@@BigOwl51You can feel hurt by things no matter how famous you are, and there’s different levels of ‘hurt’ abt things. No need to act rude

[@hnichole]

@@BigOwl51 You sound bitter lmao.

[@cowcow_14]

It’s always the “girl you’re literally older than me” when they can’t come up with a better excuse for their shitty behavior 💀

[@megansstallion818]

But also SZA was the same age crapping on celebrities and people defend it all the time saying she was just young 😭

[@cowcow_14]

@@megansstallion818help I didn’t know abt this 😭 I’ll also say that sza is literally a celebrity and if she was so mad she should’ve blocked the fan

[@eo0-g9j]

Sza is 30 something and has done worse things. she let her fans attack BTS on twitter

[@megansstallion818]

​@@cowcow_14exactly this she blocks literally everyone all she had to do is block her and leave it at that now imo she looks annoying asf cause it's not that deep

[@cowcow_14]

@@megansstallion818I agree again because when people hate or criticize celebrities, they can take it. I don’t know where sza was coming from with this, but this entire situation is so icky Also I’m not saying anyone’s in the wrong or right, I’m just entirely confused on why sza couldn’t shrug it off or block them.

[@scnonaful]

As someone with anxiety I usually shut down instead of expressing myself. I think SZA was brave to try to explain her feelings and get the young lady to feel some empathy.

[@alfiona7951]

I have severe anxiety as well & also an artist, this would DESTROY me, I'm lucky to have a lot of friends who always support me and r like a "meat shield" when ppl come after me. LOL I'ts inspiring to see SZA stand up for herself. I'm gonna start standing up for myself too so my friends don't have to protect me all the time.

[@Eddysig]

agreed, and if she was someone like you in that way, imagine mustering up that courage only to be slammed online and told she's being a wuss. Like what is that, if someone feels a certain way how are we to judge that, we dk how hard it was to even get that out there. I totally agree dude I'm just like what you described too

[@Remerdre]

Exactly what I was coming down to the comments to say. People with anxiety will usually and understandably shut down when insulted, so I have to give her credit for standing up for herself.

[@abbyz13]

@@alfiona7951someone saying you’re wack would DESTROY you? am i missing something? like is this another level of bullying where wack is actually a harmful insult cause I was called much worse and survived. idgi

[@abbyz13]

@@Eddysigin real life we don’t “muster up the courage to be slammed online,” you just close your phone if you don’t like what you see. it’s really easy. she’s literally just an artist, all of us deal with criticism and you need to differentiate between who’s opinion is valuable to you and who won’t matter in 5 minutes. how is an artist like sza going to proceed if every time someone simply says “you’re wack” she crumbles?? idgi, that’s not even bullying?? like fr i don’t understand

[@iliterallylovethis2212]

Yaw know SZA is not in the wrong. She is a HUMAN and she needs to be treated that way

[@kyluvsgyu]

@ville__girl bye 2021 ass humor

[@sicuit]

who r u LMAOOO @ville__

[@nanarana4646]

@ville__warning for what ?

[@biohazardg1rl]

@@sicuitit’s a bot don’t waste your time

[@noobiusmaximus6314]

Yeah, this is only a debate if you're some perma-online zoomer with no understanding of empathy.

[@alejandroi16]

I feel like SZA’s intent was to express kindness and empathy (and the lack there of) and to have a genuine conversation. The TikTok girl’s post came across as extremely dismissive and disingenuous. She proved SZA’s point in her response: We lack empathy. You don’t have to like everything a celebrity does and sure, it’s your right to post about it. But do you need to tag them? And to make it worse, do you need to invalidate their feelings if they reach out to you?

[@JessBachmeier]

Idk I can see sza side and how she was hurt and understand that but I just think it's odd that she would have her friends (or at least allow them to) text this kid and keep sending message after message unprovoked to this girl (the first message would've been enough, and if it wasn't then that should've been a clear sign to sza that arguing with this fan will get you no where). I understand being hurt and having feelings but it's hard for me to understand why it would turn into borderline harassment so quickly 😭😂

[@shenadarling50]

Sza should have just blocked her ass and moved on, she is an Adult.

[@shenadarling50]

@@iinehstia I am not saying that Adults shouldn't have feelings but instead that theh should learn to control those feelings and grow from them. That's all I am saying.

[@potatowellcox8870]

@@shenadarling50k

[@asaki7032]

​@@shenadarling50bruh

[@Nintarie]

I have anxiety and personally I think SZA was really brave for expressing how she feels. Trying to do that myself is the kind of thing that leaves me curled up in a ball on the floor.

[@mtr7178]

I was diagnosed with regressive anxiety back in 2015 (I'm old as heck and belong to geriatrics according to D'Angelo lol), and I just don't see how my anxiety would make me talk about my feelings, especially with a random 18y.o. on the internet who thinks she's funny or whatever the hell she thought when she decided to post those DMs....People see us the way they want to see us, and most of the time you can't do anything about it - is discussing my anxiety with someone who doesn't seem to validate anyone's feelings going to help me feel better about it? Absolutely not. What does make me feel better is knowing who I am among all that noise that anxiety episodes make in my head and all the intrusive doom thoughts, and knowing who I want to be. Convincing a stranger to spare your feelings won't make you feel less anxious, but will spike that anxiety to the roof, IMHO. Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings, and that's it. And when you're a celeb, you can't expect that everyone will like you or be all PC with you....People are not PC in general, and internet trolls will always be trolling for attention or for whatever troll treats they're in for

[@annamelvina216]

I think though, where SZA went wrong is opening herself up to a random fan. Like, talk to your loved ones, bring it up in therapy, but you can't just open yourself up to anyone. Maybe that's my overthinking anxiety talking, but, I can't imagine reacting the way SZA did. I don't think what she did was wrong by any stretch, but, not a good way to spend your time.

[@Nintarie]

Can't really disagree that it likely wasn't the best decision to make, but ultimately we don't know what was going through SZA's head. All I know is that anxiety can really mess with my logical thinking and reasoning, so I ain't going to speculate on what she was thinking.@@annamelvina216

[@nelle1899]

⁠@@annamelvina216my exact thoughts. post an open letter, make a general statement about it… but don’t go after one random fan. and the fan’s reaction to sza was unfair (especially the chill pill comment) but i agree sza should not have singled her out, or kept sending dms, because now she is getting backlash for what was originally intended as a harmless joke. i see where sza is coming from as someone with anxiety but i don’t really think that fan was being malicious when she posted it.

[@vl5008]

Radical honestly is so freaking hard. I feel so bad that this whole thing happened in the end. Hopefully she does the therapy thing and can talk to someone about it. Okay now I’m dw tangling myself from all that. But it’s rough. That’s rough buddy. (@ sza)

[@aishahsia7]

I wholeheartedly believe teenagers who pull the “I’m a minor!” “You’re so much older than me and you’re mad??” card whenever they’re in the wrong are horrible people. Felt this way since I was a teenager myself.

[@yoyovvitch]

only last so long lol those folks have a hard time growing up with their peers

[@nebulabear9714]

LITERALLY... if you believe that you're a kid on the internet and thus people are in the wrong for talking to you... get OFF the internet.

[@nebulabear9714]

i mean i wouldn't even consider 18 to be a child anymore. they can work a job, drive a car, and vote, but somehow can't hold themselves accountable during a conversation???? im speechless

[@mollyblower3868]

She's not even a minor thou she's 18 so a legal adult in most countries

[@AmyAberrant]

@@nebulabear9714they’re people who have never been told off by their parents. If their parents ever told them “no” they would be unable to cope. They expect the internet to be the same.

[@apexknight9356]

I don’t know. I feel like the fact SZA took the conversation private goes to show that she didn’t want her fans to go after the person. SZA could have done this out in public and had the fans drag the person all throughout. But she didn’t. Leaking the dm actually makes this person look even worse. This “fan” just doesn’t want to take accountability for being called out over hurting someone’s feelings.

[@Lara-vo6rp]

THIS .

[@Ishouldnthavebeensopublic]

Literally she could’ve been like “Lol get this bitch” on Twitter

[@Lara-vo6rp]

@@Ishouldnthavebeensopublic past sza wouldve done this ngl

[@hollister2300]

thissss

[@Pickingpetalsoftheflowerslike]

Yup!

[@beepboop449]

she told on herself immediately with her response: she deleted SZA’s comment bc she was embarrassed. she couldn’t just be wrong and apologize to a REAL PERSON who was hurt and spoke to her respectfully and as an equal. she felt shame so she tried to get external validation with this type of response

[@Tanm-yo8fu]

Exactly 💯💯

[@nodrvgs]

exactly

[@offbranddorito9668]

Its like she took sza's response as a personal attack, like girl, she was just hurt. If you said sorry and took it down sza wouldnt hate you because its not personal. But NOW she probably doesnt like you very much cuz you doubled down and started being mean!

[@realtalk6195]

She has a RIGHT to think someone is whack. She also has the RIGHT to joke. Does someone need to be part of a separate class or committee in order to have opinions?? Is D'Angelo part of that special class, or can I demand he takedown his videos too??

[@sabiha.sayeed]

​@realtalk6195 and SZA has a right to respond to that as well. Honestly, just because you have the right to do something, doesn't mean you should do it. There is such a thing as being a decent human being and maybe not making fun of people.

[@scottbrayton9484]

This fan has serious "why dont people who get cyberbullied just get offline" energy

[@uemoew7336]

why don't they...

[@lesvianaura]

​​@@uemoew7336because they have the right to be online without being harassed. also the harassment can bleed into real life stuff as well

[@ember9361]

i mean.

[@je777y]

^^^^^^^

[@bammythegreat]

for normal people absolutely that doesnt help, but for celebrities who put themselves in the public eye like......

[@fatimabegum1652]

I think the fact that SZA is able to express her very real emotions makes her much more genuine and kind. Not out of touch like a bunch of other celebrities.

[@Hysteriette]

tru. she looks so cool... after this i just wanna listen to her music!!

[@Hysteriette]

@ville__ im vegan :D is very cool

[@eehee2428]

@ville__ the vegan teacher is actually pretty chill when shes not in character and this is coming from a non vegan

[@chaaaargh]

@ville__ what does that have to do with anything

[@nicolecastiello6186]

so the bare minimum ?

[@ItsShayyy]

SZA had every right to defend herself as any other human would. Age is not an excuse to be a bully.

[@miss_bougie6653]

Yep same goes to for all those who constantly remind Nicki that’s she’s 40 😆

[@echo_ester]

Something about the girl bringing up her age just rubs me the wrong way. I am 17 years old and I know a bunch of 17 year olds, and 99% of them would backtrack and apologise the second they realise a joke went too far. I know kids younger than me who understand those sort of boundaries too. I have anxiety and almost none of my friends (of course, there are exceptions) have ever said something purposefully mean to me because of it. She's 18, and by the time you reach that kind of age you gain some sense of clarity about being respectful and kind. Using your age as an excuse for being wilfully ignorant is low.

[@diarawisteria2218]

I had a thought when watching that like...if she was SEVEN, sure, I could understand. But this woman has lived nearly two decades. By the time you are finished with middle school, you should have already learned most of these particulars of social behavior. Even if you had alternative schooling, none at all, or are impaired...you learn this shit early on. It's not surprising, but very disappointing to see someone justifying asshole-ish behavior by deflecting to something that doesn't even make sense.

[@ADysmalDyStOpiA]

17 18 or 30 some people will always be immature sadly.

[@ThheSocial]

she did apologize and sza i kid you not kept coming back to dm her over the span of 7 hours

[@echo_ester]

@@ThheSocial Well, an apology is a sign of regret, and from what she showed us, I saw no regret from her side at all. Giving an insincere apology really shows what kind of person you are. And you talk like SZA was staying in that chat for 7 hours continuously, even though she most definitely wasn't. It's not her fault for trying to explain her problem to someone who clearly doesn't take her seriously. She was hurt and scrambling to explain herself, and I can't blame an obviously struggling person for trying to explain her point in a more polite way than others could manage in that situation.

[@ThheSocial]

@@echo_ester u r the epitome of kissing ass sza doesn’t know who u r

[@TheEquestrianGallade]

Imagine being accused of lacking empathy, immediately displaying that you lack empathy, on camera, and then continuing on as if you’re in the right. I hope both sides of this person’s pillow are warm for the rest of their life.

[@HulaHula667]

She was really giving me Mean Girls/Heathers vibes. It was disgusting to see someone actually acting like this in real life.

[@xX2noob4uXx]

It's too late, it's over, she will be cursed with a warm pillow for the rest of her life, actions have consequences@@KaleighCee

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@Bunbunamor Not much better. If they have a curse that makes all their owned pillows warm for the rest of their life, every new pillow they buy will end up warm. Meaning if they want a cool pillow they need to buy a new one every time. They will go broke in their search for a cool pillow. Truly heinous

[@danang5]

@@KaleighCee well she clearly doesnt learn from this one, and this is a callout from presumably one of her favorite artist too if one of your presumambly favorite person calling you out dont do jackshit,i dont know what will

[@whiskertealatte2183]

@@KaleighCeeshe’s not *that* young, 18 year olds are not clueless children, she should know better

[@Jah_LEASE_yah]

The craziest thing about people using the, "your old, why are you responding to this stupid thing I said about you," excuse is that anyone who says this is admitting that their behavior is immature as hell. It's the biggest self-report.

[@kuritheking]

Yeah, being a teen doesn’t excuse being an a$$hole

[@Jah_LEASE_yah]

@@kuritheking it’s definitely not, especially if ur indirectly admitting that u know the behavior is immature. If u can recognize how childish and stupid your behavior is, you should know enough not to do it.

[@luciakaminski779]

Also, the fan said she's 18, and that's old enough to get sued without getting gaurdians involved.

[@AmyAberrant]

It’s either “you’re old, why are you responding to a minor” or “why are you ignoring me? See you’ve got nothing to say”

[@Trebinhas]

Also 18? I would understand more the person using this argument if they were 13 or something, but 18??? Being 18 and lacking this much emotional intelligence is sad.

[@sahie]

I think this woman is chronically online and has seen that we’ve been calling out bad power dynamics between celebrities/influencers and their fans. So she thought we’d all back her up with that “power imbalance” when this is legitimately a human coming to another human. Sza didn’t attack her on her on account. She simply commented on the post and she was super respectful. This woman could’ve just apologised for hurting her. Christ. She wanted to say it’s a common “joke” in the fandom, so maybe Sza has seen this over and over and this was finally the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe it was the only time she’s seen it. Either way, I hope her fanbase recognises her problem with it and literally stop making that “joke”/call out any fans who use it. 💗

[@anafano1613]

I also thought the girl was so chronically online in the worst way. While some people believe a person who is "chronically online" is just stupid, there are also those who are chronically online who have spent their entire lives on the internet looking at memes and funny videos, and view life as a joke when in reality life is just not a joke. The way she reacted with her initial tiktok was also a huge indicator of Gen Z who is chronically online and feels the need to announce to the world about sum as simple as SZA dming her. This is just sad, no one should view life like this and this makes me believe that every human should have a certain time limit when exploring the internet. Younger millennials can be an example in a way but a lot of Gen Z are taking the cake (I am from Generation Z too so no I am not hating my generation), this is so worrisome looking at how addicted the alpha "iPad" generation is being raised at the moment.

[@lola.817]

i just want to know why the people who stay posting about sza constantly lying ARENT getting any hate??

[@anaiyaking1323]

​@anafano1613 Couldn't agree more. I'm kind of in between the millennial gen z divide, and I have these exact worries. And the line between what's realistic and what's been festering online is blurring in some ways. Hopefully maturity is all we need

[@flipina]

​@@anafano1613It is so worrying as people have the same approach to personal problems. Instead of talking in private, they do "call-out" style social media posts.

[@LunarEleven]

This girl is clearly just trying to get under her skin. In her long response she was even typing like SZA (spaces around punctuation, which is obviously intentional because the girl pointed it out in her TikTok video.) And then signing with a heart emoji. She is just continuing to mock someone who is telling her they are hurt, while insincerely saying she's a fan... it's classic immature bully behavior.

[@tyler98621]

I just like how she went "I'm 18" over and over. Girl, at 18 you can join the army, drive in every state, vote, get a loan, open a bank account, go to college, get an apartment, buy a house, etc. Like you're a whole adult. You're no longer a "minor" that can blame your age for lacking empathy or spending time to make a video to hope people side with you on a conversation that wasn't really in the public.

[@carolbaskin1857]

Even if she was 16 or 17 she’s old enough to have empathy and not use her age as an excuse for ignorance tbh

[@donutpersonisme]

​@@carolbaskin1857fr its not like shes 12

[@PissyLissy]

It's kinda weirding me out the way you put the word "minor" in quotes like that. I'm not defending the fan's behavior, because she's absolutely old enough to know better, but even if you're legally an adult in your late teens/early twenties, you're still a kid and you have a lot of growing up to do. Kind of creepy for you to strawman the age of 18 like that, as if you're suddenly an entire, fully developed adult once you turn 18. Just a bit of a gross thing to say, since it's blatantly incorrect.

[@GDBGDB]

@@PissyLissyNo that’s not a kid. You’re a young adult at that age. And that’s not to say you should have it all figured out but we have to stop infantilizing people. As you said, she should have known better at that age. I don’t understand how pointing out she isn’t a minor is weird when the girl is the one trying to use her age as a crutch (while lowkey age shaming sza). She can vote, take out a loan, drive a car, go to war etc. And all we are saying is hey, at 18 you should know not to be an asshole.

[@tyler98621]

@@PissyLissy I put "minor" in quotes because she called herself a minor. A minor by law is a person under 18. And this isn't me saying you can't mistakes, but at a certain point, own up to things. This person decided to buckle down on essentially bullying someone. You're old enough to know that's wrong by 18. That's not a strawman at all. You don't even know what that means just by the way you're using it. And what's creepy about accountability for cyber bullying? At this point, you're just looking for a problem to appear morally superior.

[@6tiva]

people saying that SZA needs “thicker skin” to be in the industry don’t see her as human. period.

[@PCMKR-qh8gd]

yes ! she shouldn't have to stop being kind and soft and nice just because nobody wants to be responsible for their own lack of kindness and lack of maturity towards her. it feels borderline victim-blaming because they're blaming HER for their own lack of self-control/respect. if everyone had to grow "thicker skin" this world would be wholly cruel, and soft hearts would be rare. that sounds like such a sad world to live in 🥲

[@stuppittyhed]

Celebrities traded their humanity so they can be worshipped as idols while most of the world starves. I'll never care about celebrities feelings. They have money and safety. Unlike most of the world. People with REAL problems.

[@ohaiClemmy]

💯💯💯💯

[@vel-m2w]

just because theyre making art doesnt mean they should have to take the bs of trolls online. sza shouldnt have to take it, she should have her feelings respected as with anyone else.

[@sillycheese301]

I know stuff like thar is bound to happen but its crazy how people excuse and defend that kind of behaviour

[@sarahg2665]

You hit the nail on the head with this one. Just bc Sza may have been acting extra doesn’t mean she was wrong. She was genuinely hurt. She wasn’t being rude at all or “going after her.” The fact that this girl decided to justify and minimize her actions instead of validating sza’s feelings and apologizing says a lot about her character. Its sad that so many people are defending her. People feel so entitled to treat celebrities like shit because they’re famous. When she brought up the “power imbalance” I was speechless. Like bffr.

[@zuziaszadziul8367]

Also jumping straight to her "i'm only a child" card as soon as she was called out and had to take a tiny bit of accountability for her actions 🤧

[@NovaQuinzel]

It’s not about your intentions, it’s about the effect the person felt. It took me a long time to realize that. Even if she didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, oh well she did, and all she needs to do is apologize, but we got this instead. Such a shame.

[@cassinipanini]

"you stepped on my foot, that really hurt" "well i didnt MEAN to step on your foot, so i didnt do anything wrong :]" okay but their foot still hurts though?? thats the way i always think of it 😭

[@anafano1613]

I will remember this and use it in appropriate situations, thank you for the way you word it

[@glasstablegcrls]

impact > intent always

[@mochabearry]

@@glasstablegcrls100%

[@iscorsan]

Perfectly said.

[@joesights4244]

Being as vulnerable and honest with a random fan as she was says a lot about SZA

[@zimri4149]

Yes it actually gave me a very good impression of SZA as a person, she was trying to be very open and vulnerable about how this affected her and she couldn’t even get a sorry, instead she got attacked.

[@rachelmorgan7565]

it makes me so sad, like her actively seeing her fan as an actual person who made a mistake just for her to shit all over it which in turn will make her not want to talk to actual real fans who will validate her feelings

[@roxdaphe]

I’m 100% on SZA’s side. That girl probably thought she hit the jackpot of all clouts. She has A LOT of growing up to do…OUTSIDE of social media.

[@ULTIMATEINUYASHAFAN]

facts

[@peachesandpoets]

She learned that most people dislike bullies

[@ConnieTheo]

@@peachesandpoets Imaging thinking that a kid making fun of a multi-millionaire is "bullying". Are we bullying Elon Musk when we make fun of literally everything he says and does or are we just talking about a person who's main goal in life is to be talked about? Like damn, I wish people paid me $506.67 on average to bully me

[@ShendonV]

@@ConnieTheoThis “kid” can vote

[@ConnieTheo]

@@ShendonV And? Do you think 17 year olds aren't kids either? Because in Greece they can vote just fine. What if someone goes to prison? Are they a kid cuz they can't vote?

[@milyball]

As a clinical social worker/ therapist, I so passionately agree about the overly used psych words. Another one I don't like is "narcissist." People are out here accusing everyone who ever hurt them of having a pretty serious and real personality disorder. Edit cuz also, I thought D's take was perfect. Its a bit different than fame, but I work with poor and wealthy folks in my little town. Anxiety doesn't discriminate because people have more.

[@alexanderh8129]

as well as ppl w NPD not being inherently evil anyway

[@qwandary]

They always say 'I didn't mean the disorder, I meant the trait' but they damn well know they're hinting at a condition with heavy stigma and it's annoying.

[@vampire7240]

​@@alexanderh8129yep 100% that and cluster b personality types(bpd, npd, etc) are so much more likely to be abused, and the stigma is 100%making it worse

[@milyball]

@@vampire7240 Oh for SURE! It gets my goat because people who have NPD were ALSO typically mistreated/ poorly attached in childhood - their personalities just maladjusted in a different way. At this point, I don't think I would even use it as a diagnosis - probably just focus on symptoms instead of putting a label like that on somebody cuz I know the first thing folks do when they leave the clinic is google their diagnosis.

[@GuardianSpirits13]

Yes!! I think what they forget is that those terms are supposed to be accompanied with empathy and understanding. Even the most difficult mental disorders are still treatable when approached from the right direction.

[@claritybadb]

I'm 43, I'm highly sensitive, have severe anxiety, and have c-ptsd. I 1000% agree with Sza. That fan absolutely gave bully energy. There is nothing wrong with calmly expressing your feelings and seeking to enlighten someone who may need a reminder of others' humanity.

[@the-postal-dude]

she didn't really give "bully energy" imo, she just seemed to want to justify her own actions and to an extent i see where she's coming from (i.e. "sorry but it was a joke, i thought it was okay because it's a popular meme in the fandom") but her shit like "you need to work on yourself" is so... Eugh

[@saeedamuk918]

@@the-postal-dudeyou probably see where she’s coming from because you’re young and act like her or think like her to a certain extent

[@the-postal-dude]

@@saeedamuk918 nah i just understand that being defensive is in human nature and that she didn't initially mean anything by "sza wack"

[@SarahBrown-mg6cy]

​@@the-postal-dudejustifying hurting someone's feelings is absolutely bully energy

[@SarahBrown-mg6cy]

​​@@the-postal-dudea non-bully, would have expressed in the DMs that she didn't realize it hurt her feelings back then and if she did she wouldn't have made it and that she was sorry. (If they really felt the need to justify hurting someone's feelings in the first place) A bully attempts to drag somebody and tone police them when they express their feelings.

[@ellyyahum6546]

I cant imagine the lack of self awareness to hear yourself say "gurrrl it was just a joke take a chill pill 🤪" in this context and not realize how mean and nastly she sounds. Giggling and cackling and then privating everything just proves she herself couldnt handle the "jokes" or critisisms herself. The definition of mess around and find out!

[@BigOwl51]

Maybe sza should get a real job if she can’t handle one fan being mildly mean to her. I heard McDonalds’s is hiring. Thats always an option since she can’t handle criticism.

[@pygmymouselemurbutt]

​@@BigOwl51wow. you are missing the entire point that she just reached out to say hey I'm human too and sometimes this stuff hurts. you don't stop having feelings just because you become famous. all she did was privately reach out and try to say something to give the girl some perspective. clearly she can handle her emotions but it seems like some people forget that the people that entertain you are still just people and they shake off a lot of negative comments, but maybe she just was at a point where she just wanted to reach out to one person that she thought might gain a little insight from hearing her thoughts. sadly, sza did not get the humanity she sought. it doesnt mean she doesn't have sex again and can't handle negative comments or criticism, just means that she wanted to make her voice heard about something. judging by your attitude, it seems like you're the type of person that could talk a good game about this but wigs out if anybody says anything even remotely constructive about you, let alone negative.

[@therealest7959]

@@BigOwl51Do you know what criticism is? Also what the fuck does working at Mcdicks have to do with anything? Been there almost 5 years it’s a hell hole most people would kill to do what SZA does.

[@AKA253]

Every time I think I’m horribly online, Twitter reminds me I’m nowhere near the time it takes to know about this and feel strongly about it

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

Same Like. Who is Sza? Who is this person. What is happening??? When did it start?? What do you mean its meltdown worthy-

[@monbub]

@@elvingearmasterirma7241 listen to kill bill by sza that's all im gonna say

[@shronkler1994]

​@@elvingearmasterirma7241 sza is a music celebrity idk about anything else

[@gracewildsmith1183]

@@elvingearmasterirma7241ehhh you don't really have to be chronically online to know who Sza is

[@londynk1085]

@@elvingearmasterirma7241not knowing who sza is doesn’t mean ur offline it js means you live under a rock or don’t listen to either A. r&b or B. women r&b

[@shamedgeeky]

My experience with being a fat cosplayer with a presence online has taught me that there’s no point in trying to teach shitty people online how empathy works

[@shamedgeeky]

@@Bunbunamor I don’t consider doja cat to be at war with her followers, I think she’s having a very public mental breakdown and self destructing due to the pressures of fame and having tons of people’s income dependent on her + now having enough money to get access to all of the most unhealthy coping mechanisms she could want. Plus having a bunch of rabid fans shouting about how they gave her everything and she wouldn’t be able to do any of this without them. Plus like, that’s not actually how good art gets made. If you’re pandering to the audience and the dollar, you’re probably not making good art. It’s like we don’t understand that all of this noise and publicity and lack of privacy is actively having a negative impact on her, like we don’t think she’s a fallible human being. And we all just talk about how we’re going to stop giving her money and attention, which would ultimately probably be good for her mental health. But we won’t actually do it. Like it’s Brittany spears all over again, just flashing cameras while she publicly melts down, yelling about what a mess she is. It seems like a living hell and I’m glad I wasn’t famous or rich during any of my destructive spirals. It would have been better if I had had food and stable housing, though. And I guess that’s why I’m supposed to hate doja, because she has money and I don’t

[@VenusIsOnline]

⁠@@shamedgeekyWow. Nice take on both situations.

[@VenusIsOnline]

@@shamedgeekyEveryone goes through mental struggles and fame seems more than capable of amplifying that. I think your statement about celebrities and how fame could affect their mental state is extremely valid.

[@shamedgeeky]

@@VenusIsOnline I think that entertainment serves as a smokescreen for the actual 1%, who have enough money to really change the world. Like they could end hunger in America tomorrow, but then they wouldn’t be able to sit on top of us all. So they introduce celebrities making enough money to make us jealous, and then we treat the celebrities like their lack of privacy is a fair cost to pay for their level of financial comfort. Like, I don’t think doja cat is the best person or anything, but she’s not the cause of our nations ills.

[@canned_can_chan4590]

I stopped posting videos with my full body on my account

[@ashtonbee4250]

SZA reached out privately tho???? Like girl, all the publicity is YOUR fault bc you posted the dms 💀💀

[@sequoia5934]

EXACTLYY

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

I wonder how much that video affected her if she privately, personally DM'ed one single person. Like... it seems like Sza is under a lot of pressure, which makes sense if she is on tour. I hear those are very stressful.

[@ttums23]

her original comment was public tho and had everybody responding to it??? so???

[@Greyce118]

​@@ttums23And???? Didn't the girl delete it?

[@jbmp1390]

​@@ttums23Yeah and this slope bitch deleted it to make herself look like a victim. Hopefully she gets humiliated and forced to experience what real lack of empathy means.

[@sivialove475]

Sza is 100% right in this situation. Some of y’all need to put yourself in other peoples shoes and see how your actions can affect people. This isn’t even a celebrity thing. This can literally be a friend telling you “hey I don’t really like what you said it triggered me and it made me feel bad” you as a friend should apologize.

[@C0astinG4mer]

Girl: sza wack Sza: you hurt me Girl: I’m sorry it was just a joke lol Sza: *writes angry millennial essay

[@jenni3764]

@@C0astinG4merand throughout the whole interaction her “fan” was posting about it online and leaking the dms yeah Sza is 100% right

[@C0astinG4mer]

@@jenni3764 no sza doesn’t understand what the “internet” is. Grow tougher skin, period

[@C0astinG4mer]

@@jenni3764 sza was literally in her public insta story, chill

[@SCREAMILLUSION]

People are taking this sort of behaviour far past just the internet, so no sorry, compassion is becoming a very real rare thing because clout and attention matters more to most nowadays. @@C0astinG4mer

[@what-ym2mf]

As someone who got bullied, making fun of you getting angry or just reacting bothered is such a bully thing. Its awful because you feel so powerless afterwards. Like no matter what you do, you can't stop people from being mean to you, and youre also so embarrassing because you're "overreacting". This girls TikTok really gave me these vibes. And while I think her acting this way is just an immature coping mechanism for getting called out (she even needs her friend to back her up, i think deep down shes just insecure about this), I think its good that we talk about the nuances of mental health and how to handle situations like this.

[@YeeHaww]

I haven’t even watch the video but I feel like I’m agreeing with what your saying ✊😂

[@YeeHaww]

Causes I be hattinggg when someone does something “bullyish” but they don’t think it’s bullying and be saying they was just “joking” but then the person they were doing it towards reacts and gets hurt. then they be saying and calling them sensitive for not being able to take a “joke” and all that and I hate that sht 🙄

[@theanxiouslegume9280]

Exactly. I remember being bullied as a kid and I got the feeling that most of them thought I was in on the "joke" (no matter how mean-spirited and cruel) but also they will laugh if they think you're bothered by it -mostly because I saw it happen to other kids. Of course, there were others who were obviously looking to make you cry from the get-go or just didn't care, but I do think you're right about it being a coping mechanism in this specific instance. I don't think the joke started off mean spirited, but the response certainly was. Even as an adult close to SZA's age, I don't know the proper way to respond to these types of situations, or even if you SHOULD.

[@bruh-yu5du]

W take

[@littlewillowlinda]

Sza did nothing wrong by pointing out that they’re human. People who go “get used to it” are numbed to empathy toward celebs. This girl is just sharing the dms bc she wants clout. I really don’t like when people invalidate and turn things around

[@kalekoi]

*they, but facts

[@OncleClara]

@@kalekoiis SZA non binary? I did a lot of googling and I can’t find a single reference to pronouns other than She/her or SZA being NB anywhere.

[@kalekoi]

@@OncleClara oh nah not to my knowledge, i was referring to the “”fan””

[@reacee522]

This feels like a shift in the right direction for online interactions and I feel like I’ve been seeing this more often lately. Someone says something rude or crass at someone else’s expense and then is caught off guard when the person they targeted approaches them with their very real and vulnerable humanes. It catches people off guard and can lead to them being defensive, but honestly you can tell it’s just an attempt to save face for them. I truly hope that this is the beginning of a era on social media that what you say to others matters and you need to be able to remain accountable for what you put out there.

[@chinazorokeke5248]

I agree & I hope so too.

[@gotchufam2964]

Ikr!

[@kiirachan8281]

Cognitive dissonance, they don't want to admit they are being terrible people and are trying to resolve the internal struggle by finding excuses as to why the person "deserves it"

[@ULTIMATEINUYASHAFAN]

I love the way you out this into words, I am hoping the same! Human decency shouldn't be so hard I hope this pushes us as a whole more into our empathy for others and their humanity.

[@noranizaazmi6523]

We’re..on our way to healing. Might be impossible but now we might actually be able to better human beings on the internet?

[@dylanholmes7858]

this girl gives highschool mean girl vibes so so much

[@sukonetei4789]

100%

[@wish-maker]

The way sza made sure to thank us profusely for giving her so much energy and cheering her on at the tampa show and even coming out towards the end just to thank us some more, explained why she was thanking us so much, then taking some of her fans backstage- yeah she really is just human trying to share art and connect with people and she demonstrated this when she was talking to the fan in the dms, there was no I AM CELEBRITY HEAR ME ROAR it was very much WE are human let us talk. I'm with sza in this heavy! she played victim and it was obvious, not to mention how it came out that the girl had a KZbin video with this very same story a while back and then also had to come back and make a tiktok out of it, the clout chasing is insanely UGLY and unbecoming of this person and like tyra said "LEARN FROM THIS".

[@TayVanity1]

She was such a sweet heart! Her energy felt genuine she came out to say thank you and goodbye again

[@asherahhhhhh3518]

Love this comment, love the breakdown! On that note, there are great people out there and you all are an inspiration. Haters, pay attention, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

[@Smallmale]

Saying sorry is literally a free action. There is no reason not to do it if you make someone feel bad about themself, ESPECIALLY over a joke. SZA describing the response as lacking in humanity and/or empathy feels really spot on to me.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

I used to be one of those edgy, non-apology people and it was bad and toxic. I would rather say I'm sorry even if the other person shares blame, because I can't control their accountability, I can control mine and I don't set out to hurt people.

[@zizojaezekeom3565]

Exactly!! Like if you hurt someone INTENTIONALLY or UNINTENTIONALLY you should apologize

[@shanel4294]

Especially if you were a fan like if any of the celebs I like actually reached out to me like this I’d apologize like it’s not that deep

[@anaiyaking1323]

THANK YOU for calling out the over use of "therapy buzzwords" to cover up toxicity! I'm so tired of people watching a few tiktoks on metal health and MAYBE taking a psyc class only to weaponize everything they "learn"

[@doggothegoodboy]

If there was a power imbalance that made her so uncomfortable then why did she proceed to manipulate it by publicly broadcasting these DMs? What motive other than internet points and attention did she have to do that? She started the clip mockingly laughing saying 'how I live knowing [I willfully triggered Sza's anxiety, repeatedly showcased my agism, and got super defensive about it]'. Sza gave a teachable moment on a silver platter but instead of listening this girl tried to get the internet to mean girl her. Its just weird and gross.

[@CherryWallflower]

she wanted to look so cool from getting a celebrity to "hate" her but now look at her... hundreds of thousands of people are not on her side. girly girl is cooked 💀

[@madsdesouza2683]

honestly, this girl accusing SZA of overreacting when she’s the one posting private dms really shows her level of maturity

[@sadefan536]

Literally could have kept it private but she felt so entitled and famous 😂

[@TI3RU]

when MCR said "teenagers scare the living shit out of me," I feel like this is the kinda stuff they never predicted but feels so relevant 😂 imagine saying to someone "please have empathy" and they respond "no i'm a teenager"

[@SuperNuclearUnicorn]

Given Gerard wrote it about being on the subway in like 2004 with a bunch of teenagers I feel like he never could have possibly imagined the shit teenagers would be getting up to

[@z0z111]

​​@@SuperNuclearUnicornhe was talking about their lack of empathy and the desire to appear to always be the cool one. I think it's very relevant. I was a teenager then and I remember mcr fans being incredibly selfish online and in person, expecting the world from them and harassing their gfs

[@spectre9340]

teenagers have always been terrible but these days, they lack so much empathy to the point where doxxing and sending death threats to people they don't like is the norm and if you have a problem with that, they pull the "omg I'm a minor, you can't talk to me, you're a predator!" card or just say that "it's not that deep" to avoid facing any consequences for their actions

[@juliar1865]

16:10 Angelo’s discussion about over explaining and trying to justify your anxiety really summarizes it perfectly.

[@walnutsrcool]

If an artist I respected came into my DMs to be honest about their emotions I would be honored? Like what is with this girl? Honestly 9/10 I’m honored if someone is vulnerable with their emotions with me

[@Shalondria]

Right?! I’m crying 3 seconds after eye contact!

[@ilovepeoplebro]

​@@Shalondriaok now you took it in the wrong direction

[@addangel]

I really doubt you’d be “honored” if someone you looked up to basically blamed you for their anxiety lol.

[@hazelwilder]

This was my exact initial thought!! Like she was being super vulnerable with her and instead of being appreciative of someone she allegedly loves reaching out for a full conversation, she doesn’t even recognize it and doubled down. And continues to tell HER hiow she should feel and act?! It comes off incredibly entitled, among many other things. How difficult would it have been to say sorry and thank her for reaching out and being so vulnerable with her?!

[@shanel4294]

Exactly how can she even call herself a fan

[@ksis86]

Lol this girl is wild. SZA explained it really well how it makes her feel and the girl starts her reply with “girl please, im just 18” 💀

[@qwandary]

'Girl please, I'm too young for empathy.' That fan is either really bad under pressure or really dopey. Her responses were so thoughtless, repetitive and insulting.

[@gergesworld]

She literally doesn’t have any empathy 😭

[@katet8639]

And everyone on twitter is clowning on SZA

[@soraya131]

@@katet8639wait fr i thought twt was on her side

[@katet8639]

@@soraya131 Yeah, I just typed in ''SZA'' and so many people are mocking her or saying she is dramatic. Luckily, on many post about this controversy, there are people defending SZA too, but most are just fans. I don't get why she is being mocked?

[@spriddlez]

When I was younger, I accidentally spoiled a major plot point of a TV show for my friend who was watching said show. They were dismayed and I acted like "I don't know why you are so upset, it's just a TV show." Except inside I knew I messed up and felt really bad and was super embarrassed. Later I realized that I was protecting my ego by hiding my embarrassment behind dismissive bravado. I think that's possibly what the fan is doing. Not ideal but learning to admit when you have messed up and apologize is hard and most of us don't learn it until our adulthood. I hope the fan can reflect on this and learn from it.

[@cassinipanini]

its a very human process, and it sucks that it had to happen online for millions of people to see. truly highlights how the internet changes social dynamics bc smth thats a part of growing up becomes viral content

[@_holy__ghost]

im 25 and im still struggling with this. ive lost so many friends because i behave like this. i always apologise after the fact but in the moment its so so hard to take the ego hit

[@Nathi98]

I did this with my sister by accident a few times, she is very spoiler-sensitive - this includes sport events she watches on demand - so everytime I know we both watch something I ask "oh where exactly are you?", "did you see this (yet)?" or "are you planning to watch it or can I ramble about it?" I always immediately apologised cuz I had to avoid spoilers for PLL for many years cuz I couldn't watch it as it aired due to timezones & it was everywhere. So I know how it felt to get stuff spoiled & felt so bad about it

[@mamawray]

Your theory would explain the "fan's" behavior in the DMs but not why she leaked the DMs after the fact. I think this is a genuinely bad person, very vain and totally lacking in empathy, who is not used to people pointing out to them when they are behaving poorly; and her fragile ego couldn't handle that, so she made a tiktok (or whatever the platform was) looking for strangers to shore her ego back up. Very narcissistic.

[@Shalondria]

Hey, if I give u my little sis’ number, can you give her call and share this here story and any others like it? Sounds like you’ve made some growth. Kudos and keep up the good work!

[@elisabettaiacono2637]

Ummm. If anything it’s refreshing to see sza being so human. How could a “fan” not listen and appreciate her honesty and vulnerability 😭

[@lusitanianightshade227]

Can we just take a moment to admire D'Angelo's fashion sense though! The coordination of the hat, frames, and nail polish 🤌

[@spectre9340]

So glad someone pointed it out! Could not stop staring at those the entire video. Even the stuff in his hair go with the accents in his sweater

[@bunkertons]

I'm getting strong girl guide chic! ❤

[@strangeandinteresting]

It's such a cute outfit! I adore the hat!

[@NowYouSeeMimi]

Yes!!!!! On point!

[@lisasmith8272]

​@ville__ okay and? There's nothing wrong with being vegan and you probably took a joke seriously, but ones real ones not

[@yourfavdarkdisaster]

i can’t stand it when people treat people online like they don’t actually exist. as someone with anxiety, i 100% empathize with sza. i’m constantly overexplaining, and when people say “you’re doing too much” it makes me feel invalidated and angry. also, as someone who has bipolar disorder, sza wasn’t having a “manic breakdown” in dms. people need to learn what mania actually is. ( 23:34 )

[@Shalondria]

And what’s interesting is google exists and one can find a definition of mania on the CDC. DIGFAST for greater than or equal to 7 days. Bipolar I doesn’t require a depressive episode. Bipolar II on the other hand…now we get into hypo mania and that’s another story. 😊

[@juulcat7274]

Right? People use manic and mental disorders as a super convenient way to dismiss people’s actions even though as someone with bpd (not bipolar) I know I’m still responsible for my actions, and I don’t use my mental disorder to defend myself. That just smears mental health for everyone else

[@yourfavdarkdisaster]

@@juulcat7274 exactly, i have both and it’s frustrating seeing people add to the stigma from all sides

[@beingme._.eilonwy4571]

@@juulcat7274Yea, I also think it dismisses the seriousness of mental illness. We shouldn’t dismiss things regardless if it was because of mental illness or not.

[@ggxzl]

people treating a black woman talking about how she felt as a ''mental breakdown'' or telling her to chill does not sit right for me.

[@thesinfulyogini2073]

This

[@zeldaandtheocarina]

Facts because I bet if it was Taylor swift people would be rushing to defend her honor and feelings.

[@inacatt]

Also mocking a black woman's grammar is... hm..

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

Say it with me now fellas! Racism!

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

​@@NeRotheactivist Its very common for black women to have their emotions belittled and mocked. Seen as hysterical or the "angry loud black woman" Like how the fan started with, an angry rant for an hour, when SZa was just like: Hey. I am having anxiety here. And the one comment saying SZa had a manic meltdown. Like. Nah

[@nicolen3146]

Love this breakdown. If you at any point feel like you can be mean to someone just off the strength that they’re a celebrity, especially after they’ve personally reached out to you to tell you how it’s made them feel shitty, you absolutely lack empathy & it goes beyond just internet meme culture atp. SZA is more than open about her self-esteem issues & insecurities in her music. Seems strange to me that a “fan” wouldn’t empathize with her even more so considering the subject matter of most of her art.

[@Mari-vc5zn]

but like was the original post, even mean? and if so, it is one’s responsibility to protect yourself from hate, especially a celebrity like sza. she knows how hateful omments can get yet she gets oddly defensive about an obvious joke a fan tagged her in, obviously hinting towards nice intentions, and projecting insecurities onto her about her anxiety and ahit like shes almost 30 and MADDD SUCCESSFUL one of the most successful artists of the decade and she cant take 1 minuscule joke??? shes unserious and needs to get a life and get off insta if its that serious

[@nicolen3146]

@@Mari-vc5zn I definitely see where you’re coming from although I personally thought that tagging sza was intentional, mean-spirited & not at all “nice intentions” but to each their own. I can see ppl thinking nothing more of the post than a lighthearted & comical internet meme and that’s fine. Where it goes a step further imo is the fact that sza actually reached out expressing how hurtful & detrimental the post was to her and she not only kept the post up but deleted sza’s comment on said post…weird. So at that point whether you believe she’s being overly sensitive or not, the decent thing to do would be to delete it. It goes beyond being a fan, it’s just about being a decent person. To quote the great Eryka Badu “keep in mind I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my ish”…I imagine most artists feel the same way. Being famous/successful doesn’t disqualify you of having feelings and caring about others’ opinions of you. If anything I’d imagine it ramps that anxiety up. SZA isn’t dumb, she knows how the internet works but I’m sure she thought that the person on the other side of that DM (especially since they call themselves a fan of hers) would empathize with her and show some grace but alas. I agree that staying off the internet is probably best for highly sensitive people in the public eye but she’s allowed to speak on how she feels regardless.

[@Jettabbg]

⁠@@Mari-vc5zn grow up

[@8teezy]

@@nicolen3146 Wow these comments, particularly this one, are so amazingly respectful and articulate 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@jasminelambert3753]

I know this is super off topic, but I have to say your style has been absolutely immaculate lately. The beret with the glasses with the nails and the one stripe on the sweater. It’s just so so good. And the little details of that earring and the hair clip and the necklaces. It’s so cohesive and just perfect

[@nayb2133]

Riiight! His fashion since is amazing. Very aesthetically pleasing.

[@ArturGlass.C]

Yessss. I thought similarly. It's legitimately so well styled.

[@TimaiosGottfried]

​@@nayb2133it's fashion sense 😁😉

[@hermit_crab992]

I was justing thinking that his style is on point this video!

[@messengerpigeon6472]

She tried to bring attention to those DMs several times over the months. That shit happened all the way back in Feb. In the most recent she bragged about having SZA's attention for an hour when SZA standing up for herself has been on her mind for MONTHS. And her laughing because a grown woman dared to stand up for herself is ,no joke, abuse behaviour via minimizing the issue. No different than "it's just a prank bro". SZA has a right to respond, she didn't use her platform or anything and kept it private. It's very likely SZA saw that on a bad day and it made her feel worse. I STRONGLY feel she was HOPING SZA would share those DMs or make a post vagueing her so she could spin it into her being a victim. I have no pity for any harassment she might be receiving bc she's mad at something SHE started?? Fuckin weird ass fr. Spending months trying to bring negative attention to someone because they stood up for themself is nasty work. She finally got the attention she wanted so I hope she enjoys herself

[@breakingbruh4930]

what the hell😭 this makes it so much worse and embarrassing

[@zozzleberryfin1735]

Comparing it to the “it’s just a prank bro” thing is so accurate and really puts it in perspective

[@omgrawr7161]

What’s the girls @? On insta or tiktok

[@blushchuu]

​@@omgrawr7161What do you need it for?

[@nickimania245]

@@omgrawr7161 i thinks it’s @vasaline but the account is privated

[@jalaaaah]

her: there’s so much power imbalance also her: deleting sza’s comment & milking personal messages between them to gain further attention i can’t tell if she’s pretending to be a terrible person so she can financially benefit from this situation (not that that makes her any better) or genuinely is this shallow, with zero accountability, just pure gaslighting & attempting to turn people against another human being even though she’s 100% in the wrong.. that’s narcissism at its finest. the “love” from fans is so toxic, abusive, superficial & fleeting that it might as well be nonexistent.

[@AozoraUltra2006]

how is she going to financially benefit from sza dm'ing her? i'd be freaking out if sza was texting me like she actually knew me too

[@jalaaaah]

@@AozoraUltra2006 she’s publicly posting them on a platform to gain some form of revenue & followers. it’s okay to freak out, maybe tell a friend, but what she did was very exploitative of another person who was confiding in her.

[@flayful]

This is why you can't blame celebrities who avoid interacting in a personal level with the general public or even with their fans. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's because of "fans" like her who feed on the attention and narcissism, turn the tables to overpower the celebrities, and make the encounter problematic. Thanks, now we all have lesser nice things in this world. 😑

[@thechurchofchannie8833]

THIS!! But I hate that half of those people are the same ones who complain “celebrities and artists are so disconnected and never interact with their fans!” This is the epitome of why these famous people don’t wanna interact or be open.

[@flayful]

@@thechurchofchannie8833 💯

[@zozzleberryfin1735]

As a person in gen z, I relate to the “the people I see online aren’t real” feeling, but only in a psychological way. Like, my brain treats influencers like fictional characters, but I still make a conscious effort to treat them like humans when I interract. It sounds like other people aren’t self aware enough to realize that feeling and fight against it and it shows.

[@taylor3950]

It’s such a balance! Many influencers really are playing a character so you can’t believe everything, but there’s also a real person behind the persona. I’m a millennial but I’m sure it’s hard for gen z and even worse for tiny gen alphas

[@WilliamAfton984]

I feel this way too. Sometimes I make jokes with my friends making the "influencer" feel like a fictional character sometimes. I try to respect them as much as possible but even if its just a joke I feel guilt to an extent, because Im not sure how it would make them feel.

[@Andrea-rc1gz]

It’s rly the opposite for me and idk why. I get so frustrated seeing people not be empathic towards fictional characters in stories as well 😭

[@FeyPax]

No I get that for real. I’m older gen z or zellinial but I think it also comes from reminding yourself that we don’t get to see this person act like who they really are day to day (and that’s good) so we remind ourselves these are just characters or personas. But that being said we hopefully understand that if we made a video we wouldn’t want to be bullied or harassed so we won’t do it to others. I think some people just make some things their business when they really shouldn’t.

[@VinceMDT]

I think the topic you briefly touched on about therapy terms being thrown around like confetti at a parade is SUCH an important discussion. It‘s a double- edged sword because on one hand, it‘s great that these topics are more openly talked about these days and we‘re able to learn the language that help us express ourselves in these conversations. But on the other hand, some people use it as ammunition to shoot down other people‘s expression of feelings because it sounds educated and is obviously easier to do than actually listen to the other person and take their feelings into account. I‘ve personally been affected by this behaviour myself, where people in my life started pushing certain descriptors on me (for example what kind of attachment style I have, what my communication style is etc. in order to make themselves seem like the victim of my behaviour) and it feels so incredibly violating. It has gotten to a point where people see one tiktok about a certain mental health topic and use the language they learned there to label other peoples behaviour in a way that makes it easier for them to dismiss their own responsibility in a difficult situation. It‘s very frustrating and I hope the overall education will become more accessible and thurough, so people actually understand the terms they throw around so lightly.

[@cardiganweather]

I agree, and I'm glad you pointed out that people are learning the language they need to identify their feelings and put them into words, because that's so critical for healing, resolving issues, etc. But therapy speak is so overused and weaponized. Beyond that, the meaning of those terms gets diluted, which is a disservice to everyone. The biggest of these are gaslighting and trauma. If someone disagrees with you or remembers events differently, they're gaslighting you. If something was in some way upsetting or even just uncomfortable, and it shaped you in some way long-term, it's full-on trauma. Everyone's feelings matter, and everyone deserves to be respected and heard when sharing their experiences, but not everything is trauma.

[@nataliesolomon2141]

I'm personally sick of everyone throwing around the term 'narcissist'. This is such a specific term. We all have narcissistic tendancies at some point or in some situation, especially when we're young and still learning the world doesn't revolve around us or as a kind of trauma response (some people never learn this, but I still wouldn't call them narcissists). Bad behavour does not automatically mean mental disorder or abuse. Please can we stop this, there are ways to learn to behave better and by giving people unfounded diagnoses, we're also implying they can never heal or learn appropriate behaviours, whilst not giving them the tools to actually be better. It's cancel culture attitutes.

[@VinceMDT]

@@nataliesolomon2141 The point you made about implying that people can‘t heal or learn healthier, more construcive behaviour patterns is SO IMPORTANT. I feel if we just start throwing around diagnostic terms at people who show any portion of symptoms that are common for that disorder, we‘re putting them into a box that is almost impossible to break out of because they already have that label attached to them, so any effort to actually change behaviour doesn‘t even get a chance to develop.

[@agxryt]

Yeah this is annoying as shit tbh. People regurgitate stuff they saw TV therapists say, and it's actually making us more disconnected. Social media has turned vulnerability into a bad thing, because it's "cringe", and liable to be diagnosed with some pseudo-psychological dysfunction

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

Yeah, it sucks. When you're learning psychology you're very pointedly told to NOT use the information you're gathering to diagnose yourself or others, and under no circumstances do you weaponize your knowledge. It's great that the information is more readily available, but there are reasons why psychology is disseminated the way it is. You can hurt a LOT of people if you're not careful when dealing with people's psyches, and tossing words around with extremely loose personal definitions attached causes more harm than good. What we should all be advocating for is universal healthcare in the US so people can see a therapist wherever they need and can be told by a professional what to do with all these wonderful new terms they're learning. I've been in therapy for YEARS, and I use academic terminology with my therapist only, because she understands the very complex and nuanced definitions. It really cuts down on the time I take to explain myself. In normal conversations I try to avoid using those terms; they're largely not appropriate for general conversation.

[@angelinvasion1]

sza is most definetly in the right. having a severe anxiety disorder this was so infuriating, the fan clearly doesnt know what anxiety is like and made it even worse by posting it publicly.

[@bbssxcugc_]

please she picked the weakest she thought out of the bunch.when people and blogs talk about her bbl etc she didn’t say anything though

[@abbyz13]

@@bbssxcugc_no fr tho like of all the things ppl say ur picking on an 18 yr old who really did just post a meme? then said she loved you in her response? i feel like it’s weird ppl think sza even interacting w her was normal

[@pyrrhicvictoly]

I dunno. I mean, yes there was definitely a lack of empathy, but I can also see the fan's actions as coming from a place of anxiety. I was an anxious teen once upon a time, and before I was diagnosed I would panic over internet interactions/reactions that weren't as positive as I had hoped by doubling down or going edgelord and pretending that I was trolling, because to my immature and severely anxious mind coming across as insensitive was better than honestly owning up to any mistakes. Anxiety can manifest in different ways. We really don't know her full situation.

[@winona534]

"weak" LMAO yeah! She really came off young, innocent, and vulnerable. Please. *rolls eyes*@@bbssxcugc_

[@evolalienn]

@@abbyz13 no it’s not normal BUT at the same time SZA is still a human being and anxiety is a disorder that affects behavior in sometimes irrational ways. Two things can be true at once. The fan has shitty behavior and clearly just went for the easiest excuses for their bad actions. This is definitely a very rare case in which a single “powerless” fan is in the wrong. Also who are we to say what triggers SZA’s anxiety, only she knows that and that one post could have been a “last straw” of sorts. Also SZA didn’t witch hunt anybody or stick anybody on this fan and instead had a PRIVATE and respectful conversation which *the fan* decided to make public. But Yk “fuck your mental health, you’re not worthy of the empathy because you’re a robot popstar. You’re not human, only I get to cherry-pick who’s anxiety is valid. Entertain me, singer” lol we didn’t learn from Britney did we? (I know an extreme example, but it’s connected in a way to me-imo)

[@starryskies3169]

D’Angelo will probably never see this but if you do, I am so proud of you and the person you’ve become. I’ve watched your videos for a long time now and I’m really really refreshed by your level-headed takes on things and your balance for respect of others and the rights we have. Thanks for coming back because the world really needs voices like yours!

[@lindseyjohnson3577]

As a 32 yo (old ass grandma) I think SZA puts up with a lot of hate and she wanted to, just once, get a fan to understand and validate her feelings.. While I think her anxiety got the better of her when she should’ve dropped it. But she just wanted to get through to one person.. I’ve definitely experienced these minimizing bullying behavior tactics so I feel for her and I probably would’ve kept defending myself too

[@Awetree]

Yes I think the fact that this person is clearly a fan made it seem like she’d hear sza out. If it were a troll then she would have ignored it but she felt like she would be heard. Which makes me sad 😭

[@Heyitschy03]

She’s literally older than you

[@waysasha]

@@Heyitschy03bye one year numb-nut, what does that change

[@lilimuyunda5030]

Should've dropped it is wild though. Is it because she is a famous person? That doesn't mean she doesn't have the same feelings or reactions as people who are not. SZA shouldn't have to not speak her mind because it's 'not classy' or 'too much' for a celebrity to do? No. She's a person. This is what any other person would do. It's not "spamming" it's communicating. And folks need to know that.

[@lindseyjohnson3577]

@@Heyitschy03 and?? By 1 year? The old ass grandma remark was towards D’Angelo’s saying we were old in this video😂

[@Vixin24]

As an ancient 30 year old posting from my nursing home who hadn't heard of this drama and honestly had never even heard of who SZA was before this, here are my thoughts. The fan was in the wrong. The only appropriate response to someone saying to you "hey that thing you posted hurt my feelings" is "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that at all. I'll delete it". The end. You dont make fun of someone for expressing their feelings, come after them for their age, and post the entire private conversation online acting like you are the victim. While the initial meme was fairly harmless, everything she did after that was not.

[@SmooseySmellings]

As a 44 yr old posting from my coffin, thank you posting this and saving me from doing it. Everything you have put is perfect. 👏👏👏

[@AKAM30]

I believe I've seen you at bingo? 30 year old neighbor, confirming this sentiment, fan is weird for this.

[@StarrySeal]

the fact that she also deleted SZA's comment...

[@angellombness4371]

loved SZA & now ❤++ @ any age 💜🎶

[@KpTheG]

Elderly 28 year old here agreeing from my rocking chair 😂

[@palmeraortega]

As someone who also suffers from anxiety and i sometimes want to over explain myself i could 100% see why SZA did what she did and i’m glad you brought that up. I think people want to limit other feelings just because it doesn’t suit theirs and that something so many people struggle with including me. Also the fact that people said why is she putting her energy into something like this clearly don’t understand how something can trigger you so much that you have to over analyze and over explain how it made you feel. The girl definitely wanted to undermine her feeling by saying well i know you feel this way but why do you feel this way which is insensitive and wrong.

[@CloudyObsession]

I have OCD, a really common issue with OCD is a compulsion to over-explain things, to keep re-contextualizing and elaborating on something to try and give the best and most thorough explanation of what I'm trying to say or get across as possible. It's a common issue across a lot of anxiety disorders (of which OCD is one) and it really, really sucks to see how badly people misunderstand that tendency, and often weaponize it against neurodivergent people

[@Tw0Dots]

I get the over explaining thing so much You are not alone at all in that, Im glad im not the only one as well. I have horrible anxiety & always do this

[@TeeklGrey]

Ugh thank you for talking about the age thing. It's infuriating to me when people act like teenagers are incapable of verbal/emotional abuse or bullying. They absolutely are. Yeah, their brains aren't finished developing, but that doesn't absolve them of responsibility. We need to get rid of this narrative that teenagers are only ever innocent beans, sure there are many situations in which they can be taken advantage of, but it's not always the case.

[@slushyslushfund9626]

Ms. Fan clearly falls into the 'we judge others based on their actions and ourselves based on our intent' trap. So she thought it was a funny meme and it shouldn't bother SZA. Okay. But once SZA informed her that it *did* bother her, Ms. Fan just couldn't bring herself to say sorry. Oh no. Being called out made *her* uncomfortable, so clearly SZA was the one in the wrong. Which is sad and I hope she can grow some empathy after this. Also and I know this makes me shallow AF, but the precision match on your glasses and nail polish mesmerized me.

[@janettewong9900]

Your first line about judging others vs ourselves is excellent. Thanks for articulating the insight!

[@mkamara7279]

oooooo! you ate! very much ate!

[@psychott6]

omg ill be using ur first sentence for the rest of my life

[@crappyj7603]

This comment is fallacious. SZA feeling sad after the post isn't the Dan's responsibility to make her feel better. The joke wasn't aimed at SZA and so it can't be her responsibility to make her feel better. If SZA wants to feel better about her performance that is her own responsibility, the fan doesn't owe her a apology or the courtesy of deleting the post.

[@badumtiss5288]

@@crappyj7603 Okay But What Was The Point Of Posting The DMs ? You’re Gonna Excuse That , Too ? Go Figure .

[@michie24]

this whole issue is a prime example of how the internet makes everything superficial. it's so bizarre to respond to someone's hurt feelings like that even though "it's just social media" or whatever. and you're right, it's 100% bc we can just shut things off if we don't like them or even delete our accounts and pretend nothing happened. gen z seriously needs to touch, inhale, eat grass. it takes a lot of effort to see people online as more than usernames and profile pictures but it genuinely makes you a better person, something i only understand now as a fellow old, decrepit 20-something yr old.

[@pizzadogma]

The irony of gen z trying so hard to be progressive and open minded, until they are called out for something they did and all of a sudden, they will send death threats and blame you for being offended.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@pizzadogma The duality of man for sure But also, as I like to say, Social media was a mistake. Twitter is a blemish on mankind.

[@maunochromatic]

I completely agree with you

[@oomomomee]

i agree but why does everything have to be about generations 😭youre gen z too

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@oomomomee Probably because the generations most effected by this social media thing is a chunk of millennials and Gen Z and now Gen Alpha Gen Z and Gen Alpha grew up with the modern internet basically and Millennial started to really use the internet and saw the shift from the early internet to what we have now. Zoomers, thats me, we remember hazy bits of the early internet.

[@Skatollu]

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 17. I am now 29 (I know, almost decrepit lol) and I can tell you from personal experience that anxiety can really mess up your head. So, while the meme may have been innocent fun on part of the fan, I think SZA was well within her right to have the reaction that she did. Her feelings are valid and I think she did a good job at trying to express that. Chronic overthinking and taking things personally are things I’ve struggled with so I can’t imagine having to deal with targeted attention on such a large scale. Let people feel their feelings, y’all!

[@AAA_NNN_DDD]

youre not almost decrepit at 29 your life is just starting

[@pianchick]

Please don't say you're decrepit at 29. I know it's supposed to self depreciating humor but it's playing into this stupid, cultural, and semi misogynistic lie that late 20s and 30s are old which is actually getting old. Besides that though I agree with your opinion!

[@olderoscendant]

I relate 10,000% my friend down to being 27, just now starting to come out of a severe, misprescribed Abilify-induced Brain Fog. I'm right there with ya buddy. And honestly, as OFTEN as I tell myself the exact. same. thing. about my youth and the best years of my life being behind me, I'm JUST as often told whether I believe it in the moment or not, that that EXACT THOUGHT? Bruh. That's quite LITERALLY the vestiges of anxiety beginning to lose its grasp on you. Old niggas/folx alive NOW live until past 100. Through genetics alone?... We will most likely be in our physical prime well into our 50s... And that figure is ABSOLUTELY disregarding the ridiculously fast growth of medical technology, specifically preventative medicine. So regardless of how badly our backs MAY hurt, (and that's only because of the slow evolution of ergonomic seating as opposed to the growth of technology. lmao.) I can promise you with all honesty and no exaggeration in my words: This happens for people like us starting NOW. In this period of therapyspeak and endless possibility for communication, despite every last one of us feeling alone. Get up, my comrade. Put your game face back on. The beginning in a long series of revolutions is right over the horizon. We have so. much. work. to do. And all the time in the world we give ourselves. I may not know you, but I'm sending love and light in your... approximate direction. lol. I PROMISE YOU. We've got this.

[@xoxoxalicia]

THIS! And I am even more decrepit, being 35 and all 😅

[@pvic6959]

im 26. my back already hurts. this is not good

[@pcassidy42000]

Saying I was 18 is only valid if you're not 18 anymore. It's used in retrospect to explain why you didn't know what you didn't know. It's not supposed to excuse actions you are currently doing and could choose not to do.

[@bexeila]

Artists can confront people that attack them just like any other person. If this girl was really a fan, she'd show SZA some respect.

[@totallyzooter]

Or she doesn’t have to bow to someone just because they’re famous??? She didn’t attack her she literally just said I don’t like your music. Literally could’ve logged off

[@raigenhuss7030]

She didn’t attack her 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@knockofftasty9693]

@@raigenhuss7030she literally did tho calling her way older as if that makes sza feelings not matter infantilized herself and then kept saying “it’s just a joke”

[@knockofftasty9693]

@@totallyzooterexpect she does like the she paid for a ticket so she’s b1tch and a fake fan

[@sebastyann123]

​@@knockofftasty9693bc it is a joke. Take a chill pill

[@Hinesight_CCO]

“Can you hate on me and mask it with laughter?” These are some of the exact same feelings that SZA references in Ghost in the Machine. I really wish some people would stop treating celebrities as if they’re not human. They’re supposed to be perfect, they can’t have feelings, being famous should magically erase all of their problems. And to Ms. Girl: You’re eighteen, so you’re legally an adult now. Take accountability for your actions.

[@RoseEyed]

This could’ve been avoided by BOTH parties but was escalated because of the “fan.” SZA didn’t have to reply to the post. As someone with high functioning social anxiety myself, she’s responsible for ruminating and over-explaining after letting her anxiety get the better of her. But if the "fan" had simply said "I meant this as a joke without realizing the affect it had and didn’t mean that when I posted. I'm a fan and you're extremely talented for xyz reasons. Don't let haters get to you" that would've been the end. Instead she got defensive, dismissed SZA's feelings, and mocked her for “overreacting.” It would’ve been a frustrating but understandable miscommunication, but the fact she then shared the PRIVATE conversation to mock SZA and make herself the "victim" puts her in the wrong. Ironically, SZA messaged her privately to AVOID weaponizing her public image, but the “fan” CHOSE to put herself in the public eye, furthering the very dehumanization SZA talked about. Only it backfired and after experiencing an ounce of what SZA goes through daily, she’s now off social media. I wonder if she still thinks the "wack" jokes are funny now that she's on the receiving end of thousands herself.

[@KaiaKooking]

We all know what we are responsible for yet it is completely human to not meet one’s responsibilities all the time. I want to live in a world where we have empathy for these types of situations, especially when the damage is so little. I feel like sza slipped up a little but that girl basically used this as an opportunity to be needlessly cruel. II also have anxiety and I I feel like people have very different reactions towards it. Some are compassionate, some annoyed and some sniff a vulnerability to exploit. I’m okay with the first two reactions, but the third one is just not okay.

[@RoseEyed]

@@KaiaKooking I completely agree. I don’t think SZA is bad for having a moment of weakness; we all do. It was just to acknowledge how sometimes when our anxiety gets the better of us we can make a situation worse than had we walked away. But if you’re going to address the person, the way SZA initially went about it was very good. When you’re triggered it’s easy to project your anxiety onto someone and attack them. She didn’t do that. So even though they both did things that could’ve lead to the miscommunication the fan is much more in the wrong than SZA and is 100% the one who’s worse for escalating things and then trying to further demean SZA for her own personal gain.

[@Yunggiuseppe3]

The fan had a reason to be defensive she felt like sza was saying she had no humanity for reposting a joke I’d tell you at your grown age that you need to take all that money and get help maybe she’s calling out the person who originally was on the phone but sza is the type to get hurt about anything and everything so expect to be making a whole bunch comments defending her cuz she’s never gonna grow up

[@RoseEyed]

@@Yunggiuseppe3 this isn’t a matter of “growing up.” Mental health conditions impact you at any age. You just learn how to channel them properly. In this case SZA didn’t, hence my comment about her being responsible for her anxiety. I can see how the fan may have taken SZA disliking her joke as an attack. The issue isn’t the defensiveness but how she communicated it. If she’d said what I had above she could’ve defended her intent while ALSO acknowledging her impact and still encourage SZA to recontextualize things and get help, thereby preventing the rest of the thread. But she didn’t. Both their responses led to a miscommunication and the fan escalated things from there. So she’s just as responsible for what happened, arguably moreso since she publicly announced the private talk. This one person likely wasn’t the issue. It was the fact SZA has heard this joke 1,000,000 times and ignored it but this 1,000,001st twas the one that broke her back. That can happen to anyone and so can this kind of miscommunication.

[@Yunggiuseppe3]

@@RoseEyed the issue is that fans are speaking on her music while she feels the need to speak on them personally so id take it as an attack because I’m sure the fan thinks sza is a great person but just didn’t enjoy the show it happens her coming in the dms and trying to make a point that doesn’t matter because it’s music not everyone has to like it so when you chose to speak on someone’s character that’s when the fan was in the right for responding the way she did you can express how you feel but also be mindful of the other persons feeling because the fan does not know sza and I’m sure she’s mature enough to understand these celebrities don’t really care about you she owes sza even less after saying she lacks humanity for making a joke about music not sza as a person

[@ritadere2287]

You know what’s wild? My mom (a boomer btw) used to say I wasn’t ‘acting my age’ when I was honest about feeling hurt or something in situations almost similar to what SZA had go on. Gosh, really appreciate your vids and takes. ❤

[@MxDae]

I love how she's using the "I'm a teenager" card, because my 3-year-old niece who bites people has better empathy and sense f humanity than her. And, waaaay off topic, but have you ever seen someone so beautiful that you literally have to take breaks and look away or you'd lose your mind? Now, imagine having to go through that for 33 minutes and 14 seconds.

[@SuperNuclearUnicorn]

Totally agree, I see so many people who get in online drama pull the "I'm only a teen" card as if it's some kind of Yugioh trap card that gives them an instant W Also, your thirstiness is absolutely sending me lmao

[@katet8639]

Exactly. They bully you online and suddenly they are autistic, adhd, teen, mental health etc. Like stop. You choose to be an ass.

[@kalekoi]

real edit: but also regarding the “fan”, pretty sure they use they/them

[@yourbestam]

Are you okay?? You need to go outside for that last paragraph

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

​@@yourbestamwhat? They're just saying they're a little flustered by watching someone they think is beautiful. That's human and pretty normal for most people.

[@blueshrimpy]

I totally agree with your take here, the way this "fan" talked about and even *to* SZA was so disrespectful. I feel like what plays into this too is how the culture on social media prioritizes being sassy and "winning" the argument for internet points over having a genuine human conversation where you're able to admit faults and come to understand one another and I think that's really visible in how that girl handled the whole situation.

[@lolanola1783]

100% agree with you. Everyone is trying to snatch a slice of that internet fame pie, and see others coming out with allegations as their ticket.

[@natashap7591]

this is a perfect way to describe this! she was obviously trying to "clap back" to seem like she won an argument rather than connecting with SZA and treating her with basic empathy.

[@limner123]

One additional thing: Sza wasn’t responding to a random person, she was responding to a fan. If this girl was in the fandom, and Sza could see that in her history and associations, then she probably thought “This person is safe to express my feelings about this to.” And maybe even (justifiably) “If I tell this girl it bothers me, she will care because she is a fan, and can a little bit discourage it in others.” Do that enough times, and the tiny bit of influence could conceivably make it less popular, less “everyone is doing it.” Unfortunately Sza was wrong; this girl liked the music and the community, but not Sza.

[@codalanguez]

A fan...who...TAGGED her. WTF

[@loureedpipes]

This is a really good point that I don't think many people have considered. Very well put

[@felicityb93]

"Unfortunately Sza was wrong; this girl liked the music and the community, but not Sza." Oh, that was a WORD!! I rly feel like a lot of fandoms are like this. They like everything but the actual person. And what makes it scary, to me, is that it isn't an actively negative emotion; the person is just so inconsequential to the these types of fans, that they can't be fucking bothered to extend the empathy or care needed to approach a situation like this correctly.

[@sagittariusgurl818]

Tea

[@crappyj7603]

Being a fan of someone's music doesn't mean you are suddenly responsible for their emotional state. The idea that this fan had any responsibility to take what SZA said and treat it with any sort of seriousness has to be one of the greatest falsehoods of all falsehoods.

[@maria.x]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 💁🏻‍♀️ she wanted Sza’s attention, she got it.

[@crem2121]

Your videos are so aesthetically pleasing every time. I just saw SZA on Thursday and she spoke on stage at the very end of the show about anxiety performing and her looking to those in the audience who help her get through by vibing with them and she pulled them backstage with her. She's a gem and deserves support.

[@quasarmuse]

the "i'm just 18"/"you're 15 years older than me"-type response is a trend in fandom discourse circles as well and tends to be a form of deflection of the issue back onto the accuser, like "why would a grown adult be beefing with me instead of doing their taxes or going to their day job." I've seen it used to justify and deflect MUCH worse things than this, and it makes me wonder if the person who posted the meme has history in deeper fandom, or if that's just becoming a gen z thing to do (disclaimer: i am also gen z)

[@ThheSocial]

pick me choose me there are better things to do online than pick fights with 18 y/o’s. those are children to you at 30

[@carolbaskin1857]

@@ThheSocialage doesn’t matter and at 18 you are a legal adult not a child , she started it and should be able to handle someone clapping back with the same energy

[@talb.1805]

Yep it's the "I'm literally neurodivergent and a minor"

[@ShendonV]

She’s 18, not 8. She wants to act this way she gets treated this way, that’s how the internet works and she should know this since she likely grew up on this. Either she shuts her mouth and get out of the way or act like a snobby 10 year old.

[@goneforgood7034]

@@ThheSocialtake accountability and start acting like an adult if you ‘kids’ want adult shit

[@anonymouscausewhynot]

I feel bad for SZA on this. It's not hard to be understsanding and she deserves kindness as much as any average person does.

[@lshndterrell]

She deleted her comment because by her own admission, she was embarrassed. She was embarrassed because she knew she did something wrong.

[@oversoul7]

When you personally explained how anxiety affects you and what your biggest compulsion is… I completely understood the level of over explaining you deal with . My everyday experience is about seeking validation from other people which is directly tied to understanding me as a person.

[@oversoul7]

Thank you for creating this content and for helping me feel seen today. Excellent work as always. ❤️‍🔥🌹

[@hehe-fw2yp]

My sister does what this 'fan' is doing ALL the time to me and whenever I tell her that it hurt my feelings she'll say ' you always think youre the victim' 'i didnt mean it that way'. She watches your videos too and hopefully watches this and has some insight

[@maryamtara2934]

Wow your sister really needs a reality check

[@bubblegumplastic]

I hope your sister gets a grip

[@Shalondria]

I hope she finds your comment in after watching the video and feels remorseful.

[@mundanepants]

"I didn't mean it that way" doesn't excuse causing harm. Is her first reaction when accidentally knocking someone over or stepping on their toes "I didn't mean it that way"? Of course you didn't mean to hurt, yet it happened, and just as much as you'd apologize for accidentally causing physical hurt, you need to apologize for causing emotional hurt. (by "you", I mean the royal you :D)

[@tjmomon5141]

Your sister is a gaslighting and toxic bully. Clock her in the mouth. HARD.

[@hattien3617]

I think it was actually pretty brave of SZA to confront someone, be neutral, and concise with how a post impacted her. I loved the use of 'human', because it was shining a light on the human aspects of celebrities despite them being famous and well off. The meme was fine, and the reaction was fine, but the response was not. It felt like she was throwing things at SZA, and her comments about "have a nice show in DC" and niceties was ingenuine especially after posting a TikTok about how silly and unreasonable SZA was. You can tell the poster knew what she said wasn't 100% right because she never verbalizes SZA's feelings and the eventually wiped everything away.Also... if this dm happened on February 26th why is she posting about it now?

[@aphiwekhumalo7292]

I think the situations weird on the fans part, considering that sza’s music tends to delve into some of the insecurities she has as a lover(i.e garden say it like dat) or even a song as recent as ghost in a machine. Where she explains that she needs humanity. It’s just odd to say that you’re fan and not acknowledge that sza is a person with emotions and that your actions were harmful. Especially, when her emotional and sensitive side is so embedded in her music and makes up a portion of her artistic identity. It’s just strange that being a public persona now negates you from allowing to express yourself as a human being.

[@shilohwhoo]

As someone that has social anxiety SZA is very awesome for expressing her feelings like that, I usually bottle it up and if someone humiliated me like that…I would’ve just stopped using the internet for a long while because those were vulnerable things said after all. She must’ve felt terrible and regretted even trying to make someone with barely any empathy understand.. -Mark

[@Missjunebugfreak]

Same here. I have severe anxiety and I can only imagine how awful and triggering it was to see that post and have that person dismiss and undermine SZA's feelings like that. She's much braver than I would be in that situation.

[@ESCTom]

the IRONY of the fan calling out a power imbalance, when it's so clear that the fan's entire motivation for everything that she said and DECIDED to post publicly was her thrill at having power of someone so much more powerful and popular than her 😑

[@rabbit6546]

Literally what sza did is like striking gold for the chronically online bc it’s actually harmless but they can blow it up into something that could get them attention like you could really see how genuinely smug the fan is the entire time

[@jonnnnniej]

This was what I thought too, it's so weird to talk about power imbalance when the fan is the one putting this all on blast and deleting the public comment SZA left. I have no idea who SZA is, but she was respectfully explaining her very valid feelings.

[@daniellecowan459]

Honestly, where SCA lost me a little bit was getting mad at her for deleting the public comment. Like I understand posting publicly to her followers that that joke wasn’t OK or maybe deciding to open up about her anxieties if she was going to post some thing publicly or messaging this woman privately, but what I don’t understand is getting mad at someone who clearly is not an influencer and has like 250 followers, for probably being fearful of what anger from a bunch of online fans Can do. I’m sure SZA as a celebrity and a woman understands that people will find your address and do some crazy shit I know no one ever wants to think their fans are like that but yes, she does have more power in that way, and to not consider that this person might not want your public comments on, their relatively small social media space does lack self-awareness. At what point isn’t stuff like this Bill Gates calling me a bully because I made a joke about him with some friends?

[@86kingrat]

so let me guess this straight, some girl went out of her way to shade a musician, tagged her as well, and then is shocked when the musician she shaded and tagged claps back?

[@nana.572]

She replicated a very popular meme that went circulating

[@86kingrat]

@nana.572 ...targeting a specific person AND tagging them. And instead od apologising when the person she tagged felt slighted, she doubled down and leaked her dm's without her consent. Y'all are so fucken dense

[@wiimusic5671]

@@86kingratok

[@wiimusic5671]

@@86kingratshe was acting like a bitch in response tho ngl (the fan not sza)

[@kiwibanana7590]

Honestly I feel like this would've been easier for SZA if she had just not replied and not given this stupid girl any attention 😭 But I get why she did it. She needed a slap of reality, honestly.