The introvert side of me explodes - Good Talk about life

In this good talk about life I sit down with my thoughts after a night out where I decided that I had to leave the party. The introvert side of me took over and the feelings of being out of place became too much. I haven't felt like this in a while now and I was surprised to be back in that mental state again.
Good Talk is an ongoing series where I talk about my own experiences with different feelings, personal thoughts and dreams on a personal level. Good Talk is meant to be a conversation of spreading positivity and inspiration where I just open up for discussion in the comments, and where you, the viewer gets to share you thoughts on the topic of the video. Feel free to post long comments, and even better, respond to other people. That way it becomes a two-way communication where we can all learn from each other's experiences, regardless of where in the world we live. Thank you all for being a part of something that is very special to me.
Twitter: / theswedishlad
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The song is Reckless by Martin Hall
Used with permission from Epidemic Sound
Thank you for being a good person to yourself, and others.
#goodtalk #introvert

[@TheSwedishLad]

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[@robert_mn]

You're not alone. There are days that I just mentally don't want to talk to others. Those days I just avoid people because it's easier to explain than explaining to others that you aren't bored or angry with them, it's just that I don't want to talk or be expressive.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Robert_MN I guess the broader public just hasn’t gotten used to behavior like this yet, so they have no reference.

[@manystar]

Introversion has been life, growing up i thought eventually will go away...it never did. Crowded places overwhelm me, there´s a social side of me that is friendly and open...I can navigate social situations with more or less efficiency but mostly i have those moments where i just need to run away and find a safe space. Is contradictory because i´m also quite shy and i cherish friendship and human interaction but sometimes is just way to much for me too handle. We all have this moments of fragility...those days where we are specially vulnerable and sensitive. We are walking paradoxes i suppose. Thank you for sharing this Martin. Good talk.

[@TheSwedishLad]

manystar thank you for always watching and participating with your thoughts. It helps me and I believe it also helps others.

[@martinalucija]

Dear, dear Martin! I just think you still dont realize how lucky you (we) are to be an introvert. Not so long ago I didnt even know about the terms introvert/extrovert. I actually found out about it through your introvert/extrovert video. When you start talking about yourself as an introvert I realized that you are talking about me too. The same thing happened today, in this video. Every single time when Im surrounded with more than 3-4 people (almost every single day), I start to act weird, become quiet, want to run home to my husband where I feel safe. Or at least to run anywhere where I can be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes I do feel weird but most of all I feel SPECIAL! Not in a freak way but in a unique kind of way. Martin, we are not freaks, we are unique!!! I think you have no idea what is actually hiding behind our beautiful introvert personality. Do yourself (and me) a favor. Watch this video. After I saw this I started to ADORE my introvert personality and I even dont have that extrovert part in me, at least not as much as you do, which means Im even a bigger mess than you probably. :D Enjoy your beautiful soul like I enjoy mine!

[@Twinti213]

Thank you for sharing this! You're not alone. I think even some extroverts feel like this on rare occasions. I don't get people who say: "Don't feel like that" or "Just snap out of it". I mean, it doesn't work like that and, moreover, if you sweep negative emotions under the rug, they are going to start piling up until they explode in a meltdown. So you think you need to feel any kind of emotions. And yes, even though it seems illogical and twisted, but it can so satisfying to bask in those negative feelings, in being miserable, which is why a lot of people actually struggle with changes (of any kind). For instance, a person feels bad about his/her job and wants to change it, but for some reason he/she always finds another thing to do instead of search for job openings. And the more he/she is not going to do that, the more miserable he/she is going to feel. Boom! Here comes the full circle. Maybe it's a poor example and it's not really relevant to your situation, but I think what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to push away negative emotion, but it is also important to try not to get lost in them. Does that make any sense? One more thing that I want to add. Maybe your relapse is a sign that you need to relax - mentally and emotionally. It may or may not have anything to do with physical tiredness. But I think that when you begin to feel down all of a sudden, it can be a sign that you just need to recharge. After all, even the best and the most long-lasting batteries need a recharge. Remember that this is okay and it happens to everybody (some people just are not comfortable with admitting it). Lots of love

[@TheSwedishLad]

Lina Thorne Thank you my wonderful friend. Yeah, I titally have not had my vacation yet. And I feel it in my body. I take some days off here and there now, but will take some holiday in October/November. And I can titally relate to what you say. You are such a wise person, and/or we just work well together. Let’s have that follow-up talk soon. ❤️

[@MichaelSmith-fh4rn]

Martin. Use these times to develop a feeling of gratitude and keep that feeling. When we are in a state of gratitude there is no judgement or guilt or any bad feelings. There is only joy and love and compassion for yourself and all life. The feeling of gratitude is not directed at anyone just life. Hope this helps. Mike in North Carolina.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Michael Smith One of the benefits of how I talk about these situations is that I sat the words out loud. And then I also go back through them in editing, often when the strongest feelings have passed. I learn a lot about myself through this. Since I filmed this video, almost two weeks ago, I’ve had many days of being high on life. Yesterday, I was ridiculously happy, which becomes a very odd contrast to the way I felt in the video. But I still think it’s important to be honest to myself about the bad days, and if I can make a few other people not feel alone by posting it, I will. I was worried to upload it though.

[@surrealsoul9120]

Hey Martin! Thanks for sharing, believe me, you're not alone. Most of my social interactions in life are depersonalized. I feel like a spectator, not a participant. Only when I'm alone do I feel like I belong. It's ok to be alone, you just have to figure out how to enjoy it. Consider yourself lucky that you can enjoy spending time with people at all, some of us just can't fit into the mold of society...

[@TheSwedishLad]

Yes, we are all very different, but with somewhat similar experiences. Thank you for writing.

[@tiesiognu]

Thank you. Today I experienced the same thing. I was sitting in a kitchen with my God mother and some other members from her family. I am staying with them for the last couple of weeks, if not them, I would be homeless and freezing in the streets. So I appreciate them and we've been close for many years now. But today, seeing my God mother talking with her son, her granddaughter, her own mom and all the other people, sharing problems and joy between each other, while I was sitting "outside the circle", it just hit me. I suddenly wanted to leave. The feeling of not belonging was hard and heavy. It was like seeing everything I don't have in my life, and seeing it as a result of my own poor life choices (which is not true) really hurt me. And I was tired. I needed to be alone. I've been around people constantly, every single day, for more than a month, and I don't have time to recharge. My introvert side is slowly dying. And it hurts. But I don't blame myself. It just makes me sad. I don't have anything wise to say. It's just nice to let out my own feeling at least slightly over here, where I know I am not alone. So thank you, and I hope you feel better soon.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Justina thank you so much Justina. I have learned, partly through the Good Talk videos, that when you open up and show vulnerability, then others do too. Like you, they share their story and even if they don’t feel that they have anything to say, just by sharing, they contribute and they also get some of those feelings out in words. We often, I feel, handle the chaos in our minds better, if they are written or said out loud. I felt better after filming and since the day after, which is more than a week ago, I feel happier with life than I’ve felt in a long time. This will be wuite evident in next week’s Goid talk :)

[@hasanfulad8684]

I feel the same sometimes, but i think in someway this thing teach is us about who we really are and what are we. Those days i bring an excuses to avoid people, because only I will fully understand myself. Thank you for sharing Martin, bad days will pass and i respect your courage of letting these feeling out.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Hasan Fulad thank you so much for your kindness. Yeah, us guys need to open up more. I think there is a river of emotions within us that many keep barred.

[@chpoptart]

Whoa, that was really brave! I have felt that way so many times in life, and likely will again, and want to just send a virtual smile and nod that you are (as evidenced below) not alone, and in fact are in good company. Anxiety, introversion, and needing to unplug are all so real and so...human. Part of what you describe is known as "imposter syndrome," and one of the huge things I remember reading about it is that it's important to acknowledge the feelings (like you did in the video) and stop yourself from comparing - to yourself a year ago, to others, to how you think you *should* be. I wish you so much luck. They also say imposter syndrome hits the best of us, so... ;) I hope today was a good day.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Sarah D. I def. need to read up on this syndrome. And I find great comfort in knowing that I am part of ”the best of us”. :) That’s mental inclusion, big time. Thank you Sarah ❤️

[@aneleite1103]

I had been feeling a lot like: that's not my place lately... I'm just so overwhelmed by the tasks that sometimes I don't notice. I'm trying to have some relief from time to time, but I hope that I don't explode at some point. As today, I had a simple conversation with a colleague, about life. He just told me about his wife and kid and somehow I felt closer of him. Like: we are two human beings interacting. Is not just about tasks! Of course his daughter being so cute helped (he showed me pictures). I hope you get better soon!

[@TheSwedishLad]

Ane Leite I am much better. In fact, I’ve had a really good two weeks since this was filmed. A bit of a contrast to have the video go live now. But I feel it needed to be posted.

[@marikacostelli3939]

I just wanted to say thank you, with all my heart. I can understand what you felt that night. Since I was a little girl I suffered for these mental issues, that caused me to lose a lot of friends, break up with people whitch i really cared about and fight with my own relatives. Those people made me feel like a horrible person, I felt so bad everytime I make them run away from me with my weird behaviours. They didn't understand me just because even I couldn't understand myself. Now I still can't fully understand myself but at least I know that I'm this way, I know that I'm not a bad person just because I need to be alone more than others, I know that it's ok and there is nothing wrong with me and I kind of enjoy my lonliness. But believe me, I still suffer everytime I see the smiles of my favourite people disappear because of me and my weird self and sometimes those feelings are too strong and I feel trapped and I just hate myself for that. Just be stronger than me. Don't let those feelings overwhilm you.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Marika Costelli Being 39, luckily I have brought some experience about myself, even though I’m starting to understand myself more now (especially through other people’s stories here). That experience tells me that even though I feel at my lowest, I know that it will get better. I know that. I somehow need to accept that my mind acts up, and find ways to ease them and get back to the more enjoyable me. Thank you Marika, for being one of those people that help me understand myself.

[@Michellejane87]

Don't worry we all get like that :) I think half the problem is we put too much pressure on ourselves to be upbeat all the time and to try and not be a downer, but the reality is pretty much everyone else in the world feels exactly like this at some point, they just don't show it. Which is half of the problem because it makes people feel abnormal when they really aren't. So take that time out when you need it :) it's not like you're never going to see your friends or colleagues again. You'll have other days out when you feel like socialising. So those times you don't want to go out. Don't! :) I guess it's just trying to get comfortable with how your feeling and knowing you'll get over it :) a change of mindset is half the battle. I know it's tough, I struggle it with myself but currently trying to get comfortable with my thoughts, feelings etc and to tell myself it's okay to take time out if I need it. Not everyone likes to be social all the time. Sometimes we need a 85/15% balance. For me that's 85% chill, 15% social 😂 I hope this makes sense :) think I've started rambling again. :)

[@TheSwedishLad]

Michelle finding your percentage balance on different days and respond in action to what you need there and then might be key.

[@fletchergross9526]

Thank you for sharing this, Martin. I just received a rejection email about an hour ago about something I tried very hard to get and is sort of the culmination of about 3 years of hard work to prove myself at this thing. It feels like a lot of wasted time. I know it's not, but it feels that way and I just feel like I want the entire world to leave me alone. It's not really an option at the moment because I'm at work, but I just want to hide away. It's exactly the same as your story or anything, but what you said made me feel like I wasn't alone in this feeling. It's not a fun feeling and I'm sorry that you're feeling it too. I hope it passes for you soon.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Fletcher Gross sorry to hear about the email. I guess life is filled with those moments but it’s hard to handle when you’ve projected what could have been, especially for a longer period.

[@1W9Z4L6]

I've heard that extroverts just take the whole energy from us, introverts - they just live on that. And we give it to them without any problem and also any benefit . So it's just normal that among some people our "battery" tends to die. As I see it, you've been feeling sorry for your "escape" because you think you might have hurt somebody (maybe you think that to their mind you got offended by sth/sb or that you didn't like their party and that's sb's fault) but from personal experience I just know that such a scenario happens very rarely :) Anyway, my golden mean in situations like e.g. party is always alcohol or/and sitting next to an another introvert who will probably not leave me then.:D Thanks for that video!

[@Michellejane87]

Completely agree with this. Always overthink that people might be thinking we are not enjoying ourselves and we feel guilty about it. When vast majority of the time it's not true. Just got to accept ourselves and do what we enjoy :)

[@TheSwedishLad]

1W9Z4L6 If only I could drink alcohol, ha ha. Nah, I’m overall happy that I have to face life sober, and never feeling hungover, but there are times I wish I had a hallway pass for a drink.

[@TheDarkdoom2011]

Please give me an honest answer when I ask you how you are, Martin. When I say "How are you?", I mean it. Because I know that "I am good" is not always the answer I want to give.

[@TheDarkdoom2011]

And by the way, I downloaded this song last year, and it has been one of my top-listened songs.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Nur Gültekin I actually make a thing about this at the office when I ask people how they are. They respond and then I follow up with ”But how are you really”. That’s when you get the resl answer. I always try to be honest with how I feel. Of course, when I meet cool people who want to fika with me, make videos and do photo shoots, I’m always good. And yes, that song. I never get tired of it. ❤️

[@TheSwedishLad]

Nur Gültekin I actually make a thing about this at the office when I ask people how they are. They respond and then I follow up with ”But how are you really”. That’s when you get the resl answer. I always try to be honest with how I feel. Of course, when I meet cool people who want to fika with me, make videos and do photo shoots, I’m always good. And yes, that song. I never get tired of it. ❤️

[@borgeses]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, it is an extremely generous gesture. Please don't try to work on the feelings of alienation we all struggle to describe. Let it be. We need to allow our psyche to breath and recover from undetected injuries. When you mentioned that you felt like there was an invisible screen between you and the immediate surroundings I said to myself oh, other people have screens too! This feeling of "I don't belong here" is always at play. Being a black woman in Sweden induces estrangement, we live behind the screen all the time so to speak, and reality is more like a movie that you can only continue to watch. People think immigrants are enjoying life in exile, I can't even ask an immigrant how are you doing "really" ? Because I know it can only be pain, a degree of pain. As humans we share more than we think, we are all, at some point stranded. Some survive the feeling, some linger a bit too long in it, and some just accept and embrace it.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Najlaa Osman thank you for that. This has so many layers and I believe, as you say, that many think about immigrants like that. But they have never experienced being forced away from their roots, but it is through stories that you describe that we can begin to understand, or at least respect that other people have a different take on life. Thank you Najlaa.

[@CAMELIA377]

Thanks for sharing this Martin, I relate so much! I couldn't have expressed it better if I tried. Personally, I find having too many people around to be very draining. So is meeting lots of new people, so I try to find ways to leave parties and gatherings earlier. I feel like a deer in the headlights and don't know how to break the ice when it comes to real life social interactions because I feel "less than" if that makes any sense at all. After such events I need time alone just to recharge my social batteries a li'l bit.

[@TheSwedishLad]

Carina Costina I can totally relate ❤️

[@syriraqi]

Martin dear nothing is wrong to feel like this from time to time, we just get tried and if it was a bad day doesn't mean a bad life or personality we deal with. You were by the way charmingly shining in this video 🌈😊 I have crush on you 😋

[@TheSwedishLad]

Яреб В ❤️❤️

[@syriraqi]

@@TheSwedishLad ❤

[@eck2x]

Hi Martin, it is okay to feel this way sometimes. We are not perfect. Hugs.

[@TheSwedishLad]

rivans ❤️❤️❤️

[@raisa9889]

Thank you so much for talking about this and making this something discussable. I always kind of felt like I'm the only person and the world feeling this way too. For me it isn't just days when I feel like I really don't want to engage with people, this feeling is almost always there, although some days are better then others. Like you said, it really isn't the case that you don't like the people around you, but sometimes it's indeed like this blanket, good metaphore by the way:). Other days the only thing you can think about is what others will think about you, so after a while it gets easier to just stay out of conversations and you almost at all stop interacting with people, except when it's about people you really know you can trust, and you know they like you too as a friend. And this not interacting-thing will make you even feel weirder, so (at least for me) it's really a downward spiral. But, hey, maybe that's just me. Keep up with making those great video's!

[@TheSwedishLad]

Raisa thank you for sharing Raisa. It is such an invisible thing we live with. It’s hard to spot in others, cause they can be in that state and still smile and play along. That’s what I did. I faked my feelings so that noone would grab the blanket and expose how close to explode my brain was that night. I do wish I could have more of these conversations with people IRL, and not only with thise I know well, but with goid people, like you.