The Life Of A Cat Mam | Sarah Millican

What do you lot do when your cat brings in an unexpected gift?
Watch the FULL Home Bird show here - bit.ly/34zybd3
Taken from Home Bird: Live - Geordie comic Sarah Millican performs a live stand-up show to her home crowd at the Newcastle Tyne Theatre as part of her 2014 nationwide sell-out 'Home Bird' tour. Her irreverent exposition of modern life includes her views on settling down and her newly acquired 'furry babies', her thoughts on the party scene, why she is cutting down on drinking, and how to teach pensioners to swear.
Hello! Welcome to my OFFICIAL Sarah Millican KZbin channel. Where you can watch clips, compilations and full shows, along with more EXCLUSIVE content. So come on in, get comfy and have a laugh.
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My brand-new tour show 'Bobby Dazzler' is on sale now. For info, dates and tickets go to: sarahmillican.co.uk
#SarahMillican #Comedy

[@itsacarolbthing5221]

I had a client, very quietly and very sympathetically, ask me if i was ok. I said yes. She then asked, no really, are you alright? I replied that, yes I was fine, why? She then said 'there are places you can go that will help you if you are cutting yourself'. I laughed so much, pointing to my arms and saying 'cats! I have cats!!'. The relief on her face was huge!

[@Meipmeep]

I also had a experience similar. I was sitting at the bus stop and a lady sat down next to me and saw the massive scratches on my arms. She asked me if I was doing ok….. I said yes…. She replied your arms say otherwise dear….. I looked down in confusion and then realized what she was implying….. I took out my phone and showed her my unlock screen with all 5 cats…. She giggled and asked who’s the culprit and I showed her the picture of my MASSIVE tomcat.

[@momnahyasin3126]

Thats so beautiful that the person had the courage to ask you about ut and point you to help. So many people avoid it out of not knowing what to say and avoiding uncomfortable conversations

[@ralphchristianson]

Besides cats we also have parrots so you can have all kinds of patterns on your arms....but they are all lovely, at some point in the day..

[@itsacarolbthing5221]

@@ralphchristianson 'at some point in the day' 🤣🤣🤣

[@jackielinde7568]

Self Harm or a badge of Cat Ownership. You be the judge.

[@shalomjacobs7909]

“I cuddled them too hard and the dickers fought back” is one of the truest things a cat owner knows 😭😂

[@samanthaeborn8157]

Whenever I feel sad, or like my depression is rolling in, this is the lady I turn to. Like having a catch up and a cuppa with your best mate.

[@missbiau]

I feel the same way!

[@lifeunderthestarstv]

She is brilliant and her shows feel like having a convo with a friend absolutely

[@elizabethbaldwin1269]

Absolutely, especially on “A Monday”

[@MusingsFromTheDen]

Have you read 'How to Be Champion'? It's absolutely brilliant. 😊

[@ashley-cz1sl]

Same here. Sarah always makes me laugh

[@paromitamukherjee9427]

She's brilliant! The way she turns all her interactions into another joke right on the spot! Extremely witty!

[@arachnekallisti]

I played this to my girlfriend who was feeling very depressed. She is now in pain because she injured herself laughing, but is no longer depressed. Thank you.

[@Just1Nora]

When I was growing up we had a tuxedo cat that basically grew up with me. He got his first mouse when I was maybe six or so but it was only stunned, so when I poked it with my bare toe it sprang to, ran up my leg, and up my nightie, and I screamed in surprise! After that he became the most efficient mouser! He wasn't going to let another mouse scare his human sister! He'd leave them right at the bottom of the stairs where we could find them in the morning and praise him. I'd always pet him and tell him he was a good boy. I miss Jasper. He was a great cat. He was 100% indoors too! He would catch the voles and mice that got inside the garage when it got cold out. That's where we kept the litter boxes.

[@susansage7218]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved tuxedo boy.

[@mcmags]

I love that she makes herself laugh, it just makes it better 😂

[@brittany9233]

Comedians that laugh with the crowd at their own jokes are my favorite, if it's funny it's funny! Join us as we fall over crying laughing at you, you hilarious person.

[@wudgee]

I was crying laughing when she mentioned her sweet husband offering to demonstrate in the litter tray. Hilarious. Love the way she can be funny on the hop with the audience. Oh and I laughed at the cat going behind the sofa part.

[@timmyg2548]

My cat came up and nestled in my lap while I was watching. He took a shine to Sarah straight away.

[@MusicMAAD]

Sometimes I wish I could laugh with tears because laughing alone isn't enough to get all the emotions out. Sarah Millican is hilarious

[@MuaadElSharif]

Lol. The cat mom vibes are strong here.

[@stephjovi]

Not a cat owner just a person owned by 3 cats 😂🐱. Looking forward to seeing Bobby Dazzler this summer in Vienna

[@lunaholiday8585]

And twitchy prey is yet another reason my three cats stay indoors. That, and we live very close to a six lane street. Microchip your pets before they go outside! I love your work Sarah!

[@charlottesmom]

Yup, can't deal with the half deads, I'd try to save them. My 2 cats are strictly indoors and are chipped, just incase. Sarah is hysterical!

[@eamead57]

My cats are indoor cats. My old house has mice. My girls bring live mice to my bed at 1 a.m.

[@roj4169]

And also: don't forget that cats are other animals preys. If you want your cat to live a long and nice life, keep them indoors. I wouldn't like to find them outdoors in a falcon nest.

[@heroic_antagonist759]

@@roj4169 or a foxes dinner plate

[@fishea]

That "finish it off" gesture had me laughing in a more fantastically outrageous way than anything in recent memory

[@jamesboulton9632]

Absolutely loved the bit of matching up the lizards halves ,the whole segment was awesome as i prefer cats as a pet .

[@BlueCat201X]

I was in hysterics through the whole thing. She's hilarious! And I mean it in the most wholesome way possible, as a bilingual whose native language isn't English: I love her accent so much too!

[@pennysanford3075]

Many years ago, I had a cat that was always bringing me presents. He brought in a live snake that I chased out. Another time he brought me a HUGE bullfrog. It was bigger than his head and the cat weighed 18 pounds! I made my son catch it and put it back by the ditch

[@bettyegilliam]

I had a cat bring in a live bat, which he immediately released to start flying around the house. I’m screaming, waving my broom in the air trying to get the bat out of the house,and the cat is jumping, trying to catch the bat again. Between my screaming self and my jumping cat, we had quite a jolly time! The bat did manage to get out of the house with no harm done.

[@gzk88]

🤣🤣🤣 Beyond birds, geckos, mice and rats, I've had a snake, bat, mole, moths, and giant roaches delivered. One of my boys doesn't just bring in the birds though, he eats them. I've gotten home to scenes out of CSI with scattered body parts and blood splatter. 😹😹😹

[@vanpastel]

Sarah Millican is a fucking treasure

[@laurewinkelmans9501]

This woman is so relatable and witty. Watching her content never fails to make me laugh, thank you, Sarah Millican.

[@Elvan-Lady]

"It didn't escape, it went home!" hahaha.

[@notme2day]

I'm loving her bunny slippers as much as her jokes.

[@KristenRowenPliske]

When I was a kid, our cats went in & out. I don’t remember any of them bringing anything home but I suppose my mom may not have told me anything about it. But the cats I have now (and the other ones since I got married), have been indoor cats, both for their protection & for the protection of the other smaller animals.

[@chancerystone4086]

Have you asked the cats if they want to be 'indoor cats'? An invention of humans who think animals are stuffed toys.

[@1Thunderfire]

@@chancerystone4086 I've always been uncomfortable with the notion of keeping cats permanently indoors. Never giving cats access to fresh air, space and outdoor exercise just seems cruel to me no matter how good people's intentions, especially if the house is small; it sounds like a prison. A person would be considered cruel if they kept a dog inside all the time after all. I know people obviously care for their safety and are concerned for other wildlife but life always has its risks.

[@christine4223]

Lifelong believer in keeping cats indoors here. I've seen what usually happens to cats that are both and I won't subject my cats to those dangers. Cats are not like dogs; they don't need to be walked. They use a litterbox, not someone's yard or sidewalk. They get plenty of exercise chasing each other around the house and over and under the furniture. Cats also sleep a lot which is their nature. Indoor cats have an average lifespan of 10 to 20 years while outdoor cats have a lifespan of just 2 to 5 years.

[@hazeljones7268]

Sounds like USA. In UK most cats have a catflap, fun outside, live 10-20 years. Sometimes bad stuff happens but they get to have a bit of wild and privacy

[@MrsSlocombesPuddyCat]

Personally (yes I know I am in the minority) but keeping cats inside 24/7 is cruel. They need fresh air, sunshine, bark, grass and whatnot. Always had inside / outside cats, and they lived to 21.

[@surferkat24]

"match the lizards back up" hahahaha i'm dying

[@Beruthiel45]

After 3 years of taking all the precautions and getting the shots, never going anywhere, we now have Covid just in time for Xmas. I laughed out loud all the way through this and despite feeling like shite I'm cheered up now. Ta very much pet. You always make me laugh. 😘 Only trouble is, I share these with my middle aged children just to get replies, " I couldn't make out a word." There's bloody subtitles you idiots! Yes, I'm a Geordie who has lived in Canada for 55 years and my offspring don't understand Tyneside accents. I failed. 😭😉 (I hope they don't check out the comments, I'm in enough trouble. )

[@MaraMara89]

I get you, I thought I have third covid, but it is "just" terrible flu... I laugh so much I almost suffocate myself XD I am polish and I had to slow down a little this video to understand her 😂 usually I watch stand up at speed-up XD

[@MrsSlocombesPuddyCat]

Unfortunately seems Covid is now "targeting" those that have been so careful in previous years. A girl at my work was off recently with flu and Covid at the same time.

[@juliaustimova2555]

Geordie is absolutely adorable. One of the most heartwarming British accents, as for me. So soothing ❤️

[@KittyCat260]

Disown them 😂 although Canadians are probably the least offensive alternative you could have produced!

[@JTRocks4Ever]

I'm American and I just love her Geordie accent...also her dry British wit. She's very funny.

[@SarahPerine]

Oh my goodness that was a good laugh! I especially liked the visual of matching up the half lizards!!

[@belmarmom]

I love it when she interacts with the audience. Funny as heck.

[@HRHDMKYT]

IKR? It’s like having a chatty conversation with your very hilarious friend. I know she worked hard to write these jokes, but her delivery is so organic it doesn’t feel at all rehearsed or scripted. Love ❤️ Sarah Millican. I hope to see her “live” in Canada some day!

[@rustytindog]

I'm a Geordie from Wallsend now live in Australia, my God it's so brilliant to watch and hear you and have a really great laugh, thank you for sharing your wonderful gift. Love you too bits NEIL x

[@aussiepolarbear2834]

I absolutely love watching your performances Sarah. You put a smile on my face on my bad days and make my good days even better. 👋🤣🇦🇺💋❤

[@PrincessSnapadoodle]

My cat was laying on my belly until I was laughing too hard (and apparently jiggling too much) and left me 😂

[@judeirwin2222]

Princess S, No. your cat was not laying. Chickens lay (eggs). People and animals lie. You can lay a book on the table, and if you were reclining in your bedroom yesterday, you lay on the bed. But today, you lie on the sofa. Got it?

[@Goodwomanbadlady]

My cat hunts. He has a bad shoulder, but still manages. My sister's cat brings home friends. And then we have a two year old that seems to be learning from his "grumpy grandpa" a.k.a. my cat. P.s. we've buried rabbits (kids got attached before they died.), tossed mice and birds in the bin, but just once my husband found the baby squirrels before the cat moved in to pounce and we raised the survivor (1/2) until it was able to survive on it's own. That was fun.

[@sabinekoch3448]

😁😁😁

[@matthewhutton8275]

Her improv is on point.

[@sandraadams4697]

Love this woman, always have tears rolling down my cheeks watching her, would love to go and see her live, not the easiest thing to do in a wheelchair of affordable on benefits 😢

[@andreawalker7138]

Sarah never fails to make me laugh. Thank you, Sarah.

[@ingridhaughney3645]

Her humour is majestic, she gives so much to her Audience, wishing everyone great blessings and laughs

[@bcaye]

I have dispatched a wounded animal my cats brought in a few times. It's hard but I can't let them suffer. Usually I can catch and release. The hardest was a very tiny newborn rabbit. I went to my vet clinic in tears and they kindly dispatched it with chloroform. It didn't even have fur and the umbilical stump was still raw. I cried so hard, but I love my kids and they are obligate carnivores.

[@lw3269]

Maybe you shouldn't let your cats go outside. Next time the cat could be the victim of a larger animal. Foxes and coyotes love attacking cats.

[@avarose__]

It is very kind of you to take the injured baby rabbit to the vet so that it could be put to sleep quickly and kindly instead of suffering - couldn't believe the lady in the audience who said she just covered them with a bucket, how cruel to let the animals die like that! Also, just a note for the future, if your cat attacks a bird but they still look 'ok' to release, try to take them to the vet for a quick check if you can - if there are any puncture wounds at all, even if the bird doesn't seem injured, it will need antibiotics as cats mouths have so much bacteria that they can die a few days later from an infection introduced by even a small puncture wound

[@bcaye]

@@lw3269, where I live there is an abundance of easier prey. My cats aren't small and will fight if they must.

[@bcaye]

@@avarose__, if my cats attack a bird, only feathers and feet are left. A few times I came home to one perched on the ceiling fan or light fixture and propped open a door, let them fly out. I can't imagine how I could catch it safely with 3 obligate carnivores involved. If the bird can fly I assume they never got a good hold of it.

[@chancerystone4086]

@@lw3269 Foxes do not attack cats. That's a nonsense myth. You might see them doing a stand off but that's about it. If foxes attacked cats there would be no cats left in cities.

[@louiseramsden8234]

I'm a mummy to 8 cat's but unfortunately 1 went missing 19th November 2021. Tell them I love them all the time say goodnight and good morning to them all.

[@Lucretia9000]

FYI, you take their paws and you do the burying action and they get it, for anyone wanting to know.

[@morganwoolford01]

There's something hilarious about the way she changes her voice on her delivery

[@kayemallory117]

I love the different accents she does!

[@casperhelix]

Awesome comedian for me I totally love with her attitude

[@usagi1ify]

Brilliant! Made me laugh after a stressful week!

[@KitsuyuutsuR]

And this is why I started keeping my cats indoors 😂 Never had them bring home too many weird things, but the dog I had growing up? We lived across the creek from a farm that butchered cows and she used to grocery shop in their scrap bins. I don’t even want to tell you what she drug home or the things she’d pile up on the rec room floor…

[@tuvelat7302]

😂🤣 Just shopping in the scrap bin at the butcher's😂

[@lisajoy9588]

Oh my goodness this was so funny! As a cat lover I can totally relate! Loved it!

[@TH-hy9kr]

Many years ago we had three large dogs. The oldest was a Boxer/Hound mix, the others were a Shepherd/Terrier mix, and a Boxer. The oldest loved hunting down little animals and birds to dispatch while his brothers looked on with expressions of great admiration.

[@dudesayingthings]

Sarah you're so amazing 😂😂 you make me laugh like a maniac at like every other line 😂

[@PH_1964]

Can't wait to see you in Australia Sarah 🇦🇺 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿😻💕

[@theyknittoo2360]

Brilliant. Love how she heckles the audience!

[@newwavepop]

as a 50 year old crazy cat man there seriously is not enough pro crazy cat comedy out there, thank you. as an adult i have only had house cats but as a child we always had 3 or 4 or 5 cats at a time that we would let out all day and call in at night and honestly i do not recall them ever bringing anything in that wasnt still alive and sort of in shock. so we would take them away and take them outside and keep an eye on them and usually after a few minutes they would run off seemingly ok. the only problem i ever remember was calling the cats in one night one of them had something in its mouth and he couldnt tell what it was and went to take it away and it was a bat, and it got loose and was flying all over the house causing a good 20 or 30 minutes of trying to figure out how to chase it outside.

[@timgriffin807]

I've had this clip in my 'Watch Later' file .. so glad I took the time to watch today !! Sarah is a treasure :) Love the subjects she brings up and the answers she has for the audience! She is fantastic !!

[@SucsForYou]

'It didn't escape, it went home' is profound AF - and funny ;)

[@yvonnescholey8972]

I love Sarah M she is so witty and original👏👏

[@mrclueuin]

I haven't had a laugh like this in a long while! 😆😆😆😆😂 Not since my Roommate found one on her bed given to her by her pet cat Bella. Inside LMFAO. Outside: " Oh look Bella brought you a present!" 😂

[@erinadams7556]

One reason I love Sarah so much, she mentions Aslan.

[@soozekuzyk8020]

Let me preface this story with, "I am TERRIFIED BEYOND TERRIFIED of snakes!" I had a cat bring in a half-dead snake to the house once. I spent the good part of two hours on top of my kitchen table, after my daughter bravely stuffed a towel against the bottom of the door on the OFF chance the snake became cognizant enough to try to get into the kitchen. My husband came home from work and went to get said half-dead snake from the bedroom rug (where the cat had deposited it) only to discover there was, indeed, no snake to be found. Dead or otherwise. We ripped apart the bedding to the mattress (because zombie snakes can slither into beds) and as I was sure no snake was present. I presumed it had probably been taken BACK outside by the cat, so I was able to sleep in my room that night. The next afternoon, however, I walked by the bedroom door, and what to my surprise, but the same dead-but-still-vaguely-moving snake was back on the rug! The realization that I'd just spent the night in my bedroom with a FUCKING SNAKE made a little part of me die inside that day.

[@charlottesmom]

And THIS is why my two cats are strictly indoors, no surprise critters showing up. 😆

[@shelleyharris4176]

Not afraid unless poisoness they would like your body heat I thibk

[@SandraNelson063]

I feel the same way about wasps and bees.

[@feestor5660]

My new baby does the same. I hate snakes with a passion and scream for my husband at the top of my voice. They are only ladder snakes but the terror is real!

[@MrsSlocombesPuddyCat]

🤭 You will hate story then. Cat came in at midnight. Returigated snake onto my pillow next to my head.

[@dreadogastusf3548]

This video popped up in suggestions. "Oh, cats. I need to check this out." Lots of great jokes and Brits letting their hair down. Must pass this on to my kids.

[@lizanna6390]

I was sent to the school counselor and I asked the teacher who referred me why as I was worried that they'd given the wrong name. Turns out my drama teacher had seen my arm covered in scratches. My grandma's kitten had tried to jump onto the couch and was a little too teeny to make it and in a panic tried to find purchase on my arm.

[@theupliftchannel]

I love Sarah! 🤣🤣

[@markduggan3451]

I love the fact that I've heard these before (by you) and I still laughed.

[@torinellis4002]

Morning made, you never fail to make me laugh.

[@thisisme1999]

The was one of the funniest things I have heard in a long time!

[@aceentertainmnt9249]

My God she's hilarious!! 🤣🤣

[@deltas4114]

Thank you for the laughs....omg. 👍👍😂😃😄😃 The last almost two years has sucked, but having your comedy available is the best👍👍👍

[@turingmachine4617]

a break from studying (MSc in Psych at the OU) just thing I needed. Happy New Year from Ireland!

[@shirleyn546]

I’m a cat mum too. I could talk cat forever, and I’m quite sane really.

[@lorirose3765]

She’s fantastic makes me laugh so hard. I’m playing catch up with all her videos.

[@d.awdreygore]

I feel like Sarah and I must be long lost relatives.

[@carolcourtney4309]

You are a hoot! I'm guaranteed a good laugh and a smile on my face when I watch you perform! Fan in New Mexico USA.

[@lesliekenreich9992]

I think I just wet my pants!!!! You are hysterical!!!!!! Makes my day!

[@zennor_man]

Funny lady....thanks Sarah🤣

[@suzannehydes8843]

I feel there was a missed opportunity for a vole-au-vent joke here! 😁

[@jodtay]

Australia has Blue Tongue lizards that our cats (and dogs) sometimes injure. They are protected and so ‘responsible’ Aussies take injured blue tongues to the vet. We love our blue tongues so much that either the vet wont charge or a group called WIRES will pay for its treatment. Same for native birds. Aussies love our native animals and birds. If a cat kills a common Indian Minor bird we don’t care but a native parrot or a blue tongue is worst thing a cat can do.

[@aedr6355]

Thankyou, Sarah. Wonderful as always. 😄😄

[@barbarawild2478]

You are brilliant! Weeping with laughter! When I was a kid (looooong time ago), we had cats. My mother heated her milk always in the same pan, then put water in it cause the milk would stick, left it on the stove. One morning I hear a scream: cat had put (dead) mouse into the pan with milky water! My mom was not amused! And I had to by a new pan for her😆. Dog owner now- improvement marginal, he hunts (even on short lead) and swallows! And then gets sick! Little sympathy but still loads of love🐾

[@DreamBelief]

A bird, a mouse and a rat in a bucket. Sounds like a nursery rhyme lol

[@JustMe-xj4xn]

Gurllll, I absolutely love you!!!! - North Dakota, USA

[@matthewhutton8275]

I love how leaving it to suffer under a bucket until death was fine, but twatting it out of its slow demise brought the groans.

[@MaraMara89]

I've heard book and I really thought she used heavy book to end their suffer...

[@beatricebrown6581]

I love the audience interactions. They add so much.

[@happyfrenchfries]

Eating the magnums for the lolly stick crosses 🤣🤣🤣

[@TallSilentGuy]

I've been getting dead rats dumped on my porch by a cat which isn't even mine.

[@luna-p]

Eww... I mean aww, he likes you 😬

[@matthewsermons7247]

I love all the comedians I get to see on QI, but Sarah is a particular fav!

[@AnnaAnna-uc2ff]

I love cats.

[@Bowler-hat-girl]

One of my cats one morning killed and brought back a carrier pigeon, and put it in the study. I saw it first and I was 8, so naturally I screamed.

[@sirdeadlock]

Thanks for the laughs, Sarah.

[@mistylee717]

She is very good. I definitely needed the captions tho. Amazing we speak the same language and I could barely understand what she was saying. 😂

[@glenncheatham1320]

She is so funny! Love her!😂💚

[@plonk420]

i just slapped some big ole "CAT DAD" letters on the back of my hi viz vest for work. freakin' loving it 😄 (about all that's keeping me sane at this job at the moment)

[@maegwynn80]

I am crying, omg, amazing!

[@keeleywatts5659]

Can't wait until September to see you live you are so hilarious x

[@rosannerosie8742]

I love you Sarah! I so enjoy you 🙏🌹❤

[@camillaholst7321]

Oh, my....did you just light up AND save my friday evening..?? 🤣🤣

[@gerryburntwood9617]

I love cats!

[@diane9247]

Oooh, I love this gal so much!😹😹

[@melissacole4903]

My roommate’s cat brought a live chipmunk in the house! I tried to save the chipmunk and it bit me on top of my finger. My Blood was everywhere! I could not catch it to get it back outside. Funniest night ever! Imagine chasing a scared raging chipmunk around the house, get to it before the cat! Oh la la. I pray it survived and found it’s way out.

[@christymcada1885]

I forgot I can’t eat or drink while watching her. I almost choked to death!

[@lisalovesphotography]

I’m literally crying, I’m laughing so hard. 🤣

[@mbarker1958]

Sarah is awesome!!!!

[@alexetchart]

Absolutely exceptional

[@esmeemorton8021]

My cat loves me one day and just wants to sleep on me. Next day. He destroys my house and hates me lol xx

[@ceciliesrensen7709]

Oh no, I'm also 25. Should I go...? Wait, I have a cat. I can stay. ^^ meao*

[@arvillamaedesigns]

Same here, I’m here because I’m sad. I’ve seen these 1000 times. I will never get sick of her. Please, come to the 🇺🇸

[@sarahmillican]

The international leg of Sarah’s tour is currently being planned. If you head to her website at www.sarahmillican.co.uk you can join the mailing list and be one of the first to know about upcoming shows! #TSM