The Lineage of Earl

[@TheElusiveRedVictini]

Earl's player is the very definition of Chaotic Good.

[@Troommate]

That last sentence "If he Knifes you call him out for being a martial class IRL" XD

[@Caseyuptobat]

The best

[@XxSoraMifunexX]

Sides status: approaching the edge of the universe. 😂

[@BewareTheCarpenter]

If a DM wanted an all magic party and established that up-front then that would be fine, but this guy has serious mental issues.

[@Self-Referential]

*martial issues

[@jamesadamsfl]

I think he was a nerd who was bullied by jocks and is taking it out on imaginary characters. Although he clearly did have mental issues, since the jerk didn’t understand the rules of the game (I.e. the value of a tank) or the setting itself (even in high-magic settings like Ebberon, not everyone is a Wizard-level Magic-user). Although, yes, he could have gotten around that by just MAKING SOME HOUSE RULES!

[@linkmariokirby7373]

Play a wizened old Hexblade that never refers to himself by name. At end of campaign/dramatic death, have him reveal his name to be Earl, First of his Name

[@WarriorTRZ]

Who's Patron is Earl. Son of Earl. All he want's is to spread more and more of the Martial Skills around the world to Stop the Madness of Magic.

[@jold3174]

I think the Dm would completely lose it

[@WorldWalker128]

@@jold3174 Worth it.

[@jold3174]

@@WorldWalker128 Oh yes it would be

[@jhart6764]

1000 copies. God I love the power of spite.

[@fhuber7507]

Can I have a copy of Earl? I have a photocopier. Where's the game?

[@cianbrowne3669]

Player chooses martial class Dm:REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@dhufflepuff348]

@@user-pl7kg1li9m: SON OF EARL

[@Blackheartzero]

DM: "I'll just kill off your Martial character, how do you like that?" Martial Player: *creates an entire legacy of Martial characters to spite the DM*

[@isengaja]

The tale of shitty DM. thankfully I never met one.

[@prestonjones1653]

isengaja Sounds like it's time for a Henderson.

[@thebastard890]

Earl meets Henderson.

[@mrmaxwell346]

@@thebastard890 An orgasism of campaign.

[@brentramsten249]

despite spending almost 90% of my DnD time playing as DM, for some reason i cant get enough of hearing about shitty dungeon masters getting exactly what they've earned.

[@jacksonl.2201]

Because what happened to them hasn't happened to you and your behaviour doesn't match up with theirs you can assure yourself you are a good DM

[@MetaMdad]

Brent Ramsten there is always just something magical about a pompus wanna be "god" getting smacked down a peg or two

[@lelagrangeeffectphysics4120]

@@MetaMdad isnt that a that guy

[@matthewp4046]

For me, it gives me hope that I could be a DM. If shitty DMs are good enough to have willing players (ignoring the possible blackmail bs in this story) then surely I would do alright.

[@matthewp4046]

For me, it gives me hope that I could be a DM. If shitty DMs are good enough to have willing players (ignoring the possible blackmail bs in this story) then surely I would do alright.

[@luminous6520]

I probably would have slapped the DM when he started screaming. With the suitcase.

[@thomass2505]

The Canadian Patriot I would have slapped him for wreaking my breif case. Or at least had him buy me a new one

[@azkni]

I can imagine it now... The Earl player beating the DM over the head to a messy pulp with a bloodied breifcase... No... A suitcase full of Earl filled with player sheets. Screaming at the top of his lungs "WHERE'S YOUR MAGIC NOW HUH?!" and "LOTTA GOOD THAT INTELLECT DID YA WHEN ITS SPILLED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!" ...brutal

[@ferociousmaliciousghost]

Just slap him with the papers. He will die from blood pressure.

[@alexandriariley5209]

Solution: 1. Make a monk 2. Boost Con, Wis, and Dex as high as possible 3. Take Iron Will 4. Take Lightning Reflexes 5. ??? 6. Profit

[@Leostar-Regalius]

i have a feeling this dm would end up losing his mind, better yet name the monk earl son of earl

[@the5destroyer]

Better Yet, Make him a Qinggong Monk and have him use his Ki Powers like spells on top of that. Laugh as the DM Cries.

[@oddluck4180]

I feel like the dm is someone who's out of shape but gets pissed at fit people for getting dates. I also feel like he's one of *those* Rick and Morty fans.

[@SchizoGenius]

He sounds like a "morally superior" incel type. Clearly a good person who resorts to blackmail to keep people hostage. The whole group should just walk out and spread the word about this guy

[@orhankocak9279]

I can't believe earl was actually a high level necromancer that used clone spell

[@HeinrichKonig]

Few reasons I could think of that a character in a magical D&D-esque world would not be a caster: - Personal/cultural reasons (distrust of supernatural forces, appreciation of physical effort, etc.) - Even the greatest casters have limitations on how many uses of a certain spell they have per day. A martial type that keeps themselves fit and healthy can always rely on their physical abilities, especially in the worlds of D&D where they frequently display near-superhuman abilities compared to people in the mundane world. - The effects of most spells can be mitigated through brawn and mental effort, like most mundane attacks. - Depending on how magic works in your setting, a person may have to spend potentially decades learning the subtleties of magic, unless they win the genetic lottery like a sorcerer, or make a nigh-faustian pact with supernatural forces like a warlock. On the other hand, a person can be trained to fight competently with weapons relatively quickly, with things like crossbow marksmanship taking a couple of weeks at most. - If magic is a necessity, then the use of magic items can allow a martial character some magical advantage without needing to train as a caster. - On a societal note: even if magic was highly valued, magic is still the domain of the highly educated. You aren't going to get many magical university graduates wanting to do menial tasks like garbage disposal or lumberjacking, and I imagine simply paying someone to do manual labour will be much cheaper and easier than summoning a monster or creating a golem. Those were all I could think of. Feel free to add your own or dispute my ideas! :D TL;DR: DM's a stupid.

[@bionizard5480]

Heres a better one, Make a Fighter who only attacks using spells

[@FRD357]

Or maybe some people just can't use magic.

[@entropyzero5588]

@@bionizard5480 I was thinking the opposite: Make a caster character who nontheless only does weapon attacks. "So what if my armour and shield give me a combined spell failure rate of over 50%? I never cast any spells anyway!"

[@deadseven3474]

I don't get why he just didn't say "please don't play as x class, I'm running a campaign based on magic."

[@Quandry1]

You forgot an important one. Powerful intellectuals rarely adventure for any reason. They hire groups of dumb martial classes to do it for them. Those that do adventure are often considered misfits, are outcasts to an extent, or quite eccentric and irrational. Even though this can often be glossed over, this is the primary source of smoothness for most mages, particularly belonging to magical institutions or well known towers with apprentices.

[@talinpeacy7222]

Play an antimagic mage. Magic resistance, magic negation, magic dispelling, protect from various magic stuff. Basically anything that makes magic useless, impractical, or just plain stupid.

[@FRD357]

A N T I M A G I C F I E L D

[@zeta970]

Talin Peacy that is god-tier

[@iornman1100]

Just make Asta form Black Clover

[@Quandry1]

First and second edition monks were strong antimagic fighters to start with. I dont remember for third.

[@12isaac00]

5e's abjuration school, a gigantic middle finger to magic users... that is made of magic, casted by a magic user.

[@thealchemistking4063]

that was the most glorious thing iv ever heard 1000 copys he was prepared to do this for the rest of time he essentially pulled a dr.strange and it was done so fucking well too

[@Blackheartzero]

Earl: "DMammu, I've come to bargain!"

[@wulfgarkonarhik2922]

I want him to do Earl son of Earl

[@ericchilders5378]

That GM Has got to be the worst I have ever heard of. I've only had about 8 GMS myself, Two of which turned the game into porn knowing that several of us were minors. and the last one just ignored rules to kill the players like he didn't want dime a dozen npcs to die. But somehow this stories GM irritates me more than those three.

[@bogustoast22none25]

I never liked porn in my RPs, if it happens, it has to be when the players SERIOUSLY go for the romantic route otherwise it's epilogue shit (I always get confused on epilogue/prologue) And even when they bust their asses off, it's something that happens in the background, where explicitness is not required.

[@SchizoGenius]

I had a GM in the Palladium Books chat who would turn every campaign into porn involving underage female players

[@tarrydmunster1916]

Only at the part where the DM says "There MIGHT be someone in the next town over that could fix it", to which my reaction would be instantly: You're the bloody DM, you decide if that person is there.

[@Madalovin]

Boy howdy, that specific kind of killer DM ruins the experience dunnit? Not the "I'm new to DMing and did't know how this monster was going to shrek my party" or the "My players are my enemies and I must kill them for my amusement." but instead you got "I'm a DM who is specifically targeting players or classes and ruining the experience because of my own head canon of how my world should turn!" Man... that blows. Thankfully I've never had that sorta foul experience with DMs, and all the dozens of dudes I've been with have been laid back and pretty good with me.

[@PrajnaIsPrajna-exceptPrajna]

Earl, son of Earl born in house of earl

[@FeyTheBin]

It is I, Earl! Son of Earl, son of Earl, son of Earl, son of Earl, son of Earl, son of Earl....

[@alexross1816]

"Is every man in your family named Earl?" "Yes. You can see why we tend to stop at out fathers. It gets redundant and nobody wants to hear 1000 generations worth of our pedigree."

[@FlawArtist]

This makes me think of the bit in Gamers 2. Where the guy playing a bard constantly got killed, and thus made 50 bard character sheets to get through an encounter. The party literally hid behind a mound of dead bards.

[@PillowTheHiveQueen]

i would have left so fast. if he tried anything id have his butt freken restraining ordered and or call him out for a psych evaluation

[@dimitrilium3912]

If I knew that guy, I would plan for the entire group to hand him over Earl son of Earl character sheets.

[@nick2037]

Some DMs reeally need to have their lights knocked out

[@Frerichs1962]

I have a feeling this DM has a lot of hats and he likes to tips them quite often.

[@DwarfyDoodad]

I have the feeling all of this is made up going from DM having someone come to his house and do fuck all for hours on end, to him blackmailing people to keep them playing his game which is actually illegal. Also it's a /chan/ post which is inherently and automatically suspect.

[@CaptainRed1000]

I prefer to play Magic based characters because I love magic. Never would I impose my love of magic on others like this... Just wow.

[@rhyzvanic3660]

As much as I love me some abjuration myself, I play martials because there is no such thing as too much swords, but there is a thing as too much magic with not enough beef

[@Voldarok]

...Excuse me, did you say this DM would blackmail someone with personal crap?

[@dashiellgillingham4579]

He did indeed.

[@DwarfyDoodad]

Which is what makes me think it's all made up. Because spoilers: Blackmail is actually illegal, and people know it.

[@Leostar-Regalius]

@@DwarfyDoodad yeah, problem is son people don't care

[@woodbbl]

@@DwarfyDoodad spoiler, people do illegal shit like, literally all of the time. If you aren't a five year old (six by now, presumably) who stole daddy's computer and managed to smash the keyboard just the right way to form that sentence, please step outside your room and KZbin comments once in awhile.

[@rhyzvanic3660]

@@woodbbl Don't know what sort of reality do you live where people are just blackmailing people casually?

[@233Deadman]

hmm, part of me wishes that I could play in a game of this GM just to see him react to a "battlemage" Build a sorcerer, then do nothing but close combat with him and only cast spells that would assist in combat ability.

[@Ryan91487]

Earl must have been getting around.

[@dirgesinger1382]

well, i'm definitely putting that down for one the ways to deal with a troublesome D.M.

[@XraynPR]

How could one continue to play with such a psychopath?

[@revoltman-needsmoreclickbait]

Blackmail

[@shanevitak4310]

Guilt tripping

[@datbarry]

Yesss one of my favourite rpg horror stories, thanks dude you're the best!

[@Nyghtking]

Well deep down, as well all know. we are all Earl, the sons of Earl.

[@shingarde1403]

Earl son of Earl is more then welcome at my table, anytime XD

[@ferretzim8694]

Should just troll him more. He wants a mage? Well, roll a mage incapable of doing any mage stuff, and is in fact, just a figter in a dress. He can't kill the guy, he's just a mage. Just. Like. He. Wanted

[@Ike_of_pyke]

I will now make at least one martial class per-campaign named Earlson as their family name .

[@firestorm165]

I haven't stopped laughing since he opened the briefcase

[@shanevitak4310]

You ok one month is a bit too much for anyone to laugh

[@firestorm165]

it... hurts...

[@bogustoast22none25]

Damn.

[@b2crazyeye]

Firestorm you alright man?

[@Wampao]

The Earl Empire will reign eternal

[@morromenos1016]

Earl sounds like Connor from Confinement.

[@net_spider]

Thats so bull! I love me my magic classes, but martial classes can be awesome to. I think the DM was channeling something from his life, but still an a-hole!

[@RobCrowley85]

If a player's character is killed by a metagaming DM, I say you get to keep the character for use in other groups, since the DM is borderline cheating.

[@fhuber7507]

I'd say F it and find another game in minutes. The DM should let you play the cursed character and occasionally have you roll a will save, fail and he passes a note of what you are compelled to do. That is how you do an intermittent insanity style curse.

[@coryscout1]

Play as one of the martial caster classes like bladesong, sword/valor bard, or hexblade. Or better yet, play a caster, but refuse to never cast a spell just to spite the DM.

[@sabliath9148]

I'm my own story of a bad DM. They created a RPG roughly using Pathfinder rules based off a comic they liked. Throughout the sessions, the DM somehow managed to both provide too little direction for the party, while also railroading us. When we defeated the evil sorceress that was plaguing the land, the DM revealed that we weren't supposed to slay this enemy, and by doing so had gotten the 'bad ending'. After this, this person left our group, and we've luckily never seen them since.

[@minemax2002]

Man thats a great story, love your content

[@KaiTenSatsuma]

Earl gets around

[@eleanorcarpenter37]

This would be funny in an actually good dnd game. Like this guys characters find every way to die and a copy just walks out of the woods every time Earl does die. Eventually the party starts finding these giant caverns filled with Earls

[@yawnos]

3D8 per cast level.... that spell is already overpowered for its level for the reason of "because its fireball"

[@tripple-a6031]

An everyday hero ♥

[@ODST626]

Anti magic magi with 2nd highest stat as streangth and just play martial

[@carlossantiago7374]

On the first session of nothing i would go the f out of there

[@jimmykahl2224]

*human fighter walks into camp* "Hello adventures, I am Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl son of Earl."

[@jackwilson9468]

Wow it's like every DM i had to deal with....

[@brenwan2190]

he should just get all of them to leave so even if he blackmails them, it'll look desperate. also damn this dude must be a huge incel hating athletic people because he thinks he's an intellectual. this story grinds my gears

[@nosoupforyouever15]

Id name my new character Brad son of earl. Just to really twist the knife in

[@cameronsmith3047]

If you don't like a class or style of classes be upfront about it you save everyone trouble that way they can leave. also on the note of a character with 1int (this is assuming you're a sane dm not this guy) and you want to have some fun with it create something like the wild magic chart and have the player occasionally roll to see if why they planned to do happened.

[@helix8108]

Me thinks he is projecting something.

[@josiahklein70]

@@ineednochannelyoutube5384 I have autism -- Asperger's syndrome, specifically. Dude's just a freaking insecure prick who hates the idea of not getting his way but wants to "outsmart" and "cunningly manipulate" everyone into doing what he wants instead of just asking them directly. What an egocentric, feaux intellectual b**ch.

[@sithis36]

@@josiahklein70 I have the same shit, that is basically what the other guy was saying when he said the dm had autism

[@tzimiscelord8483]

@@josiahklein70 there is a difference between internet autism and real autism.

[@CaptainRed1000]

@Tzimisce Lord Didn’t realise that internet autism was a thing. Now I can stop being internally triggered when someone uses that as an insult.

[@tzimiscelord8483]

@@CaptainRed1000 learn something new everyday. Seriously though, I have an autistic friend, when I call someone autistic I don't mean their like them you know? He's better than that and deserves the distinction

[@Grizabeebles]

Sounds like the DM in this story has some SERIOUS issues with jocks. Not to mention that forcing everybody to "roll mage" plays hell with game balance. My answer in 3.5 would be to create a "Noble" out of Dragonlance or even the "Aristocrat" NPC class. Anything with full base attack and the good will save. I'd then style the guy as the equivalent of a hotshot ace test pilot for magic weapons and armour. I'd then use item cheese to turn him into fucking Iron Man. Alternatively, I'd just go sorcerer with create item feats and dispel magic all day while passing out cloaks of magic resistance a hireling with a sharp stick.

[@penultimate-media4163]

3 is the base for understanding language so a 1 int is just wow

[@broEye1]

I'd have tried to come up with a "magic" character who had some manner of powers that couldn't be successfully beaten with magic, then at some point betray the group, ripping them apart and then laugh at them about how stupid it is for them to form a party of nothing but mages.

[@benhramiak8781]

brilliant

[@MiracleManMax]

Please for god sakes do “Stranded in Fantssy”. Your voice is perfect for it.

[@b2crazyeye]

MiracleManMax well I guess you got what you wanted

[@allenr316]

This way of dealing with a dick-ish DM is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. :D

[@hamarbiljungskile8953]

Any chance you do the Tale of an Industrious Rogue?

[@TheTaleForge]

I intend to. I've got a list of longer series I plan on working on once the AGP is finished.

[@hamarbiljungskile8953]

That's great news, I really enjoy your reading. Funny thing, as I was reading the Tale, I had your voice in my head doing the narration.

[@starlitalpha7]

God, everytime I think I want to try D & D i hear horror stories like this that reminds me its a terrible idea.

[@Leostar-Regalius]

depends on who you end up with

[@chaosxenkon]

was this the same DM that provoked old man Henderson?

[@whiteglint4860]

Oh no. I've stopped getting notifications for this channel. ;-; I'm depressed now...

[@TheTaleForge]

Remember to click the bell by the subscription button! KZbin likes to turn that off sometimes. Also, had a bad cold for the last week. Over it, but my voice is fucked for a while.

[@whiteglint4860]

Cloak and Dagger I mean, it's been on lol, but for this one I didn't get a note. Here's praying it actually works next time. Also, good to hear you're doing better!

[@itshunni8346]

Sounds like someone compensating for a lack of masculinity yea?

[@chakatBombshell]

Fun fact wizards are most of the main bad guys in pathfinder and D&D, they're always about to do shit that ends the world. Honestly why does anyone in these worlds let high level magic users go around without guard escorts at all times.

[@callnitid]

dimwit gm

[@luckyowl1681]

So... this is "Revenge of the Nerds", D&D version. -_-" At least, that's the mentality of this DM. As a heavy player of spellcasters in the past, I take offense to this jerk.

[@ImperialAquila]

Is your.DM Rian Johnson by chance?

[@Paxchi]

Sounds like this game was run by Monte Cook.

[@fanficAddict404]

gotta love that technically 0 like to dislike ratio

[@MarkATorres1989]

Wow a shitty DM indeed. I ran into a few such DMs on Roll20. Still I mostly just walk away.

[@shanevitak4310]

If you have to make a DM PC, don't make it from a player character

[@herosupport1606]

wow glad i haven't dealt with that crap. is the all gaurdsman party going to continue?

[@TheTaleForge]

It is! However, I'm trying to go back to doing the full chapters instead of bit-by-bit, and I've been sick the last couple of weeks so my voice is fucked.

[@herosupport1606]

nice those stories have actually got me interested in the 40k universe.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

Me too. So far, everything I’ve learned about Warhammer 40k has been from those stories, and I think I have a good grasp on it so far.

[@zacharyscovel1017]

Your DM might be a jackass if he kills or disables your character because you picked the *wrong class.*

[@zacharyscovel1017]

Your DM might be a dumbass if he believes every player character has to be a magic user.

[@PaladinHD]

Horrible DMs

[@saraphilosophizes]

How the hell does such a bad DM exist?

[@RandomiusBronius]

I'd call his on his bullshit immediately, call him a shit gm and leave. Bad players are something but bad DM/GMs are usually the worst people to walk this salted earth.

[@boxorak]

2:42 I think this is the dumbest, most ignorant thing I've heard in a D&D story, and quite frankly that comment about the smart people being the rulers is very telling of what this DM is like.

[@Nastuf]

I never played d&d but i am noticing a trend of dm's and players who are shit people to play with... But then again when i play video games there is the same thing with server owners and general assholes online...sono real big difference. TLDR: peeps be shit yo

[@holarndius]

Holy crap this is a terrible DM that gives other dms a bad name.

[@krystlvines]

OOf This one didn't age well chief

[@mapu1]

I mean if you are reduced to 1 intelligence, having the character act stupid is pretty fair.

[@CaptainRed1000]

But literally having your character taken out of your hands to be played by someone who shouldn’t be playing in that capacity is not.

[@everlast282]

t. DM

[@samwhary5498]

Not to be mean, but when you're an asshole DM these things are justified. Let your players have fun man. The game is for everyone involved.

[@HoundofOdin]

Your GM sucks. If he doesn't want martial characters in his world, he could just ban martial characters. That is so much easier.