The Little Blue Vlog - Major Depressive Disorder and Psychomotor Retardation

[@FleurDeCersier]

Very relatable. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since early puberty (I'm 22 now). I struggle with psychomotor retardation big time. Usually, I'm an annoyingly bubbly and loud chatterbox. But when I'm depressed I have literally zero mental energy. I have trouble talking and when I do, I talk very slowly and quietly. I have trouble moving. I just lay in bed all day, can't shower, can't brush my teeth, can't get dressed, barely get up to eat. Everything is too much and overwhelming. The other day I finally got myself to do some food shopping and in the mall it suddenly hit me and I could barely keep walking because it was mentally so tiring. When I got back home I took a nap because my brain was just so exhausted from what maybe was a 30 min trip to the mall. Because of covid I live with my mom and I feel extremely guilty when I can't get up to put the dishes in the dish washer because the act of eating already took all the remaining energy I had left.

[@radioactive_sunflowerz2450]

I wish people also teach about the physical effects of depression. In school they teach you about the emotional aspects as well as suicide, but they never mention how it can damage your mind, especially if you remain undiagnosed or untreated for a long time. I didn't get diagnosed until I went to the hospital for the physical effects I was experiencing and got brain scans which resulted in my diagnosis. I definitely can relate to your frustrations especially with the struggle to find the right words and piece together sentences. What really effected me is that I can't read as easily as I used to, since I used to be a big bookworm. I hope that science and medicine can find more options to treat depression especially the physical effects like Psychomotor Retardation. Hugs ❤️

[@millstreetteut7835]

Definetly, it feels VERY physical. Brain fog, oversleeping, no concentrstion, loss of appetite are all biological.

[@anaolivero439]

Have you considered ect

[@millstreetteut7835]

I have bipolar 2 and my brain fog is horrific. I feel like im walking under water.

[@stephenziga2319]

I'm 39 and just realised I had AUTISM and Major depressive disorder and Psychomotor retardation all my life. I find it incredibly to keep up with tasks. I just taught I was a slow person, and everyone also taught so. It has affected my career because I'm not really able to complete tasks. I always wondered why I was different, and why I didn't like friends, and will stay in the room for weeks. I knew things worried me but i didn't know much about depression. In West Africa, people don't know about such things and they may laugh at you behind your back. I'm always tired, and my room is always dirty. As soon as I started reading about Autism, even without any professional diagnosis, I knew I had one.

[@LouLouLoveSpacelady]

Hi I wanted to stop by and show you some support. I have suffered almost my whole life with both these conditions, so I understand so much! We gotta stay strong and keep going! I know its hard but if I somehow force myself to get out it helps somedays. Much Love!

[@godslovehasnobounds6376]

I have suffered with anxiety and depression from the age of 10. I'm now 32. I'll be okay for a couple of days or a week or 2 and then I'm back down again for ages! I used to get more manic episodes but now I'm getting more depressive episodes, they are also for more extended periods of time and I'm going through one of the more severe ones at the moment. I can really relate to you about everything being so hard. The smallest things cause extreme stress and panic or are like climbing an impossible mountain. I can relate to moving through "treacle feeling. Anyway, God bless you. I realise this was filmed 2 years ago. Hope your doing better now.

[@jennatomaszewski]

That was such a sweet video... I had a depressive episode when I was a young girl and I am now 18. I have been diagnosed with ADD... and have had similar experiences with feeling slow. I have always struggled with it...but the beauty is in the struggle! I just wanted to say I appreciated your video so much. I hope that you continue your vlog... and remember to fight and see the beauty in the world. Your smiles were cute, and I think you're dope for posting vlogs throughout your depression... you are strong. Lots of love!

[@themorbidstoner1911]

You inspire me. I had a panick attack for straight up hours... 6 years later I’ve been considering more and more about making videos. I love you’re videos And I love your personality You’re real and relatable 💕

[@NeptunianAstroStars]

Thanks so much. I am going through the same. Except this video is from a while ago. You only help me confirm that wjat I am feeling is depression. I can't feel like doing the dishes. None. Nor work. It brought me to tears

[@dawgery]

So this is why my psychiatrist hands me a questionnaire every time I see her asking me if I've slowed down where other people notice.. well how am I supposed to know what other people notice if they don't tell me? I feel quite a bit of your pain, and I'm glad to have 'met' you here, a year after this vlog.. I'm gonna have to take a closer look at your life as I do see some parallels. Thank you and wish you well

[@necordektox879]

I hope you are doing better. I think I struggle with this. Right now I'm in an episode where I can't move at all. I stare at my phone and scroll but if I did't have my phone I would stare at the wall until my vision fades. I feel like I'm trapped in ice and all I can do is move my eyes and cry. My cat and my partner can sometimes break me out of it but they're not here now. It's painful, even if I scream at myself to move I am frozen. I'll probably get out of this eventually but at the moment I feel useless.

[@vitor4944]

oh my god, i have no words to express how tired i am. I have depression and i'm speaking/thinking very slow, i get sad when people ask me if i just smoked weed (a thing i never have done in life). All my chances in my miserable lonely life is my brain but now it's over, i dont know what to say i just want it to stop

[@MrRetinas]

Thank you for sharing this it must be awful for you. When you said, “...walking through treacle...”, that just so chimed. I’ve struggled to find the words to explain the feeling, but those are perfect. I also feel like I’m walking on the bottom of the ocean wearing one of those old fashioned diving suits where the air is pumped from above! All the best.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Steven. I'm so pleased that has been helpful for you. I think you describe it well too, it does feel like being at the bottom of he ocean. Best of luck battling this and thanks for commenting. Hugs gem x

[@ashstubbings2603]

I can completely relate to you.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Ashley Stubbings thanks for sharing your experience with me. I'm sending big hugs to you. Take care. Gem x

[@bloopblipable]

Feeling this symptom right now in a depressive episode. It's so hard to explain to people especially when they look at you like you are physically well and able. But mentally my mind wins every time and it's near impossible to be productive.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

I totally get what you mean. Sorry you are experiencing it, people jist don't get it. Sending hugs my friend and apology for the late reply. Take care x

[@LouLouLoveSpacelady]

Yes I deal with the same struggle. Its a rough road, but we are warriors! Much Love!

[@h.a.s.42]

I wish you all the best and I hope you are feeling better. Take care

[@elisastoner3705]

I'm so glad you clarified as part of depression,,I didn't know it had a name. Before when I had my last major depression I remember looking at my dirty kitchen and sitting down and not being able to get up..I'm sending you lots of peaceful thoughts for healing and thank you once again for your insight.. Ps. Youd make a wonderful counselor, have you ever thought about it? Hugs!

[@chesangwana]

Thank you for this video, I am doing an assignment on psychomotor retardation. I was struggling to understand the impact on activities on daily living and your video has really helped me understand this. I appreciate the effort you put into it.

[@donnalilley3317]

I have major depressive disorder I've had good week not to good today I'm sorry to hear you struggling glad you doing some course s to help you take care xx

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Donna it's great to hear that you are having a good week. Major depressive disorder is so hard isn't it. I'm sending hugs xx

[@tribblemuncher]

Hi Jem. Sorry to hear you are feeling poorly. I know what "double depression" feels like so can relate. I hope you feel better soon. Keep making those videos......they are helping a lot of people

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Thanks for your kind words. I hope you're doing ok. I remember you sharing the double depression information with me, thanks for that. Take care. Hugs x

[@shelleybuckingham733]

Ditto... Totally relate to this vlog. Bless you xx

[@beyourself4996]

I never hear of it this but , I hear from you thank you making this video. Hope you’re doing well!

[@angelinavasquez3097]

I have the same problem! It's gotten so bad that I cannot work. This episode started in May this year. My mind is blank most of the time. I feel like I can barely talk to anyone and I get very quiet. This is not myself at all. I am mourning who I used to be. It's sad. I was also diagnosed with MDD . I've been looking all day on KZbin and online to see if there's anyone else going through Psychomotor retardation and I'm happy I found your channel!

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Angelina, sorry to hear that you're not doing so well. It sounds like we are in very similar places so I'm pleased you found my channel. Psychomotor retardation is so hard and I don't think people understand how debilitating it is for the sufferer. I wish you the best of luck managing your illness and the brain fog. I'm sending lots of hugs to you my friend - we can get through this together. Take care. Gem x

[@angelinavasquez3097]

The Little Blue Pot Thank you so much girl. It is comforting to know someone else goes through the same thing. People really don't get it or understand. I oftentimes feel alone going through this but atkesdt I know now that I'm not alone. I'll keep following your videos and stay in touch! :)

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Angelina please stay in touch I would love to know how you're getting on. Take care Hugs Gem x

[@tacofingerz7247]

Ive been struggling for more than a decade now to finish my music, to pick up my instruments and get done with it, its rarely that I take showers or take care of myself, its driving me crazy, most I do is play games and read books but as of now ive been teying to plug in my xbox for more than a week, all I have to do is unplug the ps4 and plug the xbox but somehow thats just too much, its just too much, I know what I want but it feels like im paralyzed. Im 32 and most my life ive cried more than laugh, I dont remember a day when suicide isnt an option, I can barely look myself in the mirror and when I do I hate myself, people tell me how handsome and talented I am and thats just makes me hate myself even more, I do love my life, my parents my brother but I just cant love myself, what do you do when you know what you're not, how do you even begin to think about loving yourself if you always feel guilty for being alive? How the fuck can you love yourself when you hate your head? Sometimes I dont sleep at all as if the time was running out and other days I sleep for a day or 2 as if time didnt matter at all. I dont want to be normal I dont want to be rich, I dont want a big house nor be known, I dont want to be that talented or handsome, I dont want to have a perfect body nor a good looking closet, man I just want to finish my music and leave something behind. I just read something about this topic and never felt more related but at the same time lost, ive already was in a mesication treatment for 3 years, I cant hold any relationship, I dont have friends and meeting friends who like what I like has been a fantasize, a desperate need for over 15 years now,this saturday ill be going to therapy and I hope, I really hope that at least I can finish one song. For most of us, (i didnt knoe there was more like me) we dont see success as getting recognition or reward for our work, finishing our work is the SUCCES, and I hate it. Thanks a lot for this input. But for real what do you do? Depression, anxiety, OCD, fear crippling.. what do you do? I guess we keep on fighting, we know the voices now.

[@Mockingjay125]

I have anxiety, I don’t think I have depression but sometimes I just can’t make myself get up, but sometimes I go through things really fast (like the agitation you mentioned). This happens within the same day, like if I go in my room and try to do school on my computer I will just lay there and not move. But if my parents call, I will basically jump up. Maybe because I know they’ll come in and be concerned if I look depressed? I’m confused, what’s the line between lazy and illness?

[@anthonyvasquez1259]

It's called doubled depression because regular depression is scientifically proven that it's 50% or half of what major depressive disorder really is. That's what i learned when i was in a psychiatric hospital.

[@ifrankensteinsmonster]

Ever since on 18 mg Methylphenidate, been observing that I'm really slowed in many things... Don't know if the drug caused it or am just able to observe now( one thing I can clearly say that it has made me more aware )... BTW am already on 60mg Mirtazapine, and my diagnosis is Recurrent Depressive Disorder P.S. It was just anxiety due to Methylphenidate, which went on for a few days, after that I was fine

[@nenadcubric2663]

I did gain weight on mirtazapine about 18kg in 6 months and since then i have metabolic Syndrome or Insulin Resistance and still have Depression

[@sophieburke3757]

Thank you x

[@schemebruce221]

Does the affects of the heavy depression affect the face expression,.like you could see the lowness a mile away,.its a very heavy mood and unliftable for hours,.i have to battle it with walking/breathing just to get a handle on it.

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

People have called me slow, retarted or I look like I have down syndrome. They've abused me for a long time

[@mikesellers4349]

Sad world we live in ,people can be very cruel 😢

[@newsunalliance]

I have been using kratom green Malay to help me out.

[@gabrielguzman6018]

I get this when I don't get enough sleep sucks because people think I am slow

[@sophieburke3757]

You are so brave

[@jazzmoonyay2069]

I have some of the symptoms, but I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I don’t know what to do😔

[@slenderman8170]

First and foremost I want you to come to the realization that everything is okay and everything is going to be okay. If you feel any of the symptoms first acknowledge that you feel them and understand why you feel them. Next step would be to find out things that make you feel content( for me it's journalling, you should try it. It can be so helpful and sometimes fun as well!) The journey to finding yourself through battling depression can be very hard but at the same time life changing. You got this!

[@jazzmoonyay2069]

@@slenderman8170 thank you😌

[@anaolivero439]

I'm going through it right now

[@sequin99]

I am going through this right now. It sucks.How are you now?

[@judywilson5775]

Does it ever just stop you from doing something? I was dx several years ago with psychomotor retardation and I've been depressed off and on for many years. There are so many things I want to do. I'll buy the stuff then put them on a shelf and never start my project. And they're small projects, nothing major.

[@botramduuze7188]

For weeks? What about for decades? What about all my life? It's not an "episode" for me, it's the base state.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Sorry to hear you experience this all the time. That must be so so hard to live with and I hope I didn't offend. Thanks for commenting and take care managing this. Hugs. Gem x

[@stephenziga2319]

I'm 39 and just realised I had AUTISM and Major depressive disorder and Psychomotor retardation all my life. I find it incredibly to keep up with tasks. I just taught I was a slow person, and everyone also taught so. It has affected my career because I'm not really able to complete tasks. I always wondered why I was different, and why I didn't like friends, and will stay in the room for weeks. I knew things worried me but i didn't know much about depression. In West Africa, people don't know about such things and they may laugh at you behind your back. I'm always tired, and my room is always dirty. As soon as I started reading about Autism, even without any professional diagnosis, I knew I had one.

[@Empowerhealth-01]

Hi there, I was in the same place for many years until recently, I couldnt string setences together severe short term memory, everything was slow and flat and crying 8 hours a day etc, anyway I bought a device called Alpha Stim (I am not a promoter lol) which has reversed my my depression about 90 percent, been well now for 6 months, have not cried, anyway I just want to try and spread the word about this treatment, It's not cheap but you can pay monthly installments as I do, - Alpha Stim Aid for anxiety and depression x

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Bev, thanks for the recommendation. I'm so pleased the Alpha Stim has helped you, thank you for talking about it in the comments as it might help others. Thanks again. Take care x

[@brigitpimm8488]

I have this at times I thibk

[@mahatmacoat6516]

I could be lead around by the hand.

[@Miranda-qe2ku]

Horrible

[@richdude8150]

Just reset... take some lsd and do the rebuilding work

[@kiamrichardson4458]

No retard

[@maureeng.obrien9259]

Crap.you are nuts aren't you? lol