The Loneliness Epidemic

[@phoebebuffay1566]

My grandpa used to say "You can be alone but not lonely, and you can be lonely but not alone." I think about that often. ❤

[@stevend8785]

He was probably referring to his relationship with your grandmother.

[@phoebebuffay1566]

@@stevend8785 i think you are projecting. Sorry to hear you hate your partner!

[@stevend8785]

@@phoebebuffay1566 I know my situation is common. Of the couples that don’t divorce, about half are doing it for the kids, don’t want the financial hit, or religious expectations, etc. You’ll usually hear these people say things like “everyone has their ups and downs” or maybe when they’re both elderly, ugly, nearly dead and nobody wants either of them they wax poetic. Your odds of success, if measured by mutual happiness, are quite low maybe 10 to 20%. If that’s you, congratulations, you have a winning lottery ticket. I assure you relationship longevity is not perfectly correlated to happiness. You think her Grandpa was referring to the time he spent with his buddies?

[@OfficerMugi]

Your Grandpa is a wise man!

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Bible study class gives you peace. Peace negates loneliness. Thanks Lord for your peace and salvation

[@CZsWorld]

I literally rejoiced when you brought up the car-dependcy because I was thinking it the entire time. It's literally the #1 reason because it touches everything else. It's a huge part of the reason that people value remote work in the first place. Driving sucks for mental and physical health. Third places don't exist because they are spaced apart by driving distances. You can't have human interactions when you're separated by vehicles. They even ruin interactions between pedestrians. It can be impossible to hear the other person on the street because of how loud cars are. Everyone romanticizes college because it's walkable. People love going to Disneyland because it's walkable. People romanticized traveling to foreign cities like Amsterdam and Tokyo because they're walkable. As you mentioned: New York and Santa Monica. Meanwhile, the worst parts of LA to walk are filled with car dealerships, mechanics, gas stations, car insurance buildings, collision attorneys and 10 lane stroads. Cars really are the root of all unhappiness in America.

[@BARONsProductions]

Bro there's loneliness in Europe where owning car is luxury and it's dense like 1 2mil cities 😂

[@BARONsProductions]

I think it's more bcz of internet, app shit like that

[@coffeedoggy99]

Driving is not the problem, people are just less social than they used to be due to tech. I go to car meets for enthusiasts, so cars bring people together in this case, and people definitely chat a lot less than they did ten years ago. They are way more into capturing everything on a phone.

[@happycam1686]

Also even when we spend time with people they are co workers most co workers are not friendly but competition. Lots of time people are being fake.

[@bagasdilts1080]

I lived in Japan for a year when I was an undergrad and I loved how the infrastructure caters to pedestrians. Need to do groceries? It’s 5 to 10 min walk. I usually ride my bicycle to the city and if I’m feeling lazy I’ll take the train or bus. Here in the US i have to drive to go to places. Everything feels so isolated from each other and far apart. Back in Japan life feels a lot slower, I got to appreciate my surroundings and really loved the exercise I got from cycling/walking.

[@beehappy7897]

I’m a mom and I feel lonely when I’m around other moms. They all seem to know how to navigate social circles better than me….they even hug each other! Without college in common, I find it tremendously hard to make new friends in my adult life. Here’s a suggestion….we should start a movement where if you’re in a public place like a coffee shop, placing a sign that says ‘open to chat’. It sounds silly but would be a great icebreaker and the chance to connect with another lonely person.

[@shelleygreyrealtor]

Lady, this is an amazing idea.

[@juliaarambula3153]

I so agree!

[@Siel-bm7gx]

Yes, why not never know the people you will come in contact with. I remember when I was in college I would talk to random people .

[@12567NoYouCannot]

@beenhappy7897; It is the Same for me.

[@jokoboyama6322]

This is an amazing idea no cap

[@dreamylove4196]

Am i the only one that constantly hears about a loneliness epidemic but feels rejected anytime they try to reach out and make connections with others 😢

[@bxnny0374]

Part of the problem is that social skills have generally just gotten worse. It is actually harder than ever to make friends, not just because of physical distance, but also because of the rise in mental illness/brain rot. None of us know how to socialize or form and maintain connections anymore. It's not just you.

[@aena5995]

omg sameeee ghostingg after 5 months of talking like its normall

[@someshittomakeyouhappy]

Recently forced myself to make lots of connections with new ppl and every time every person said they lacked friends. Yet whenever I try to spark some convos they ALL always just respond with one word or just straight up 👻 But then the next time you see them they claim they missed you sooooo much and want to see you more often etc etc. at least in my case I really think these people are genuine but just dont realize how bad they look and how they effect others with their lack of communication

[@Dr.Beetlejuice110]

"May I suggest getting off your ass and keep putting yourself out there and be a good person!" 😂😂 I'm jk, this is basically what anyone says about this topic when someone expressed failure in this topic. Just automatic assumptions. "You must not be a good person." You must not be getting out there enough." You must not be blah, blah, blah, blah. Some victim blaming BS. Keep trying, you are not alone.

[@unnecessaryapostrophe4047]

Same here, but I'll readily admit that I'm an asshole.

[@humphrey]

loved this video, Shelby - i hope you make more of these !

[@metal_moon90]

I'm mid 30s, single and basically have no friends anymore. Moved to a new city a couple of years ago and haven't made any lasting connections. Pretty much spend all of my time by myself. I had loads of friends in my 20s and a great social life. I'm so lonely now.

[@ShelbyChurch]

:( it’ll get better! It takes time when you move to a new place! Keep putting yourself out there!

[@dendi1076]

I have been lonely since 17 year old. now im 35. I thought i was alone in thinking I am lonely for life. and just to note, I am by standards, very good looking and attractive. but still it doesnt help lol. My condolences for those who are average looking.

[@deborahcurtis1385]

@@dendi1076 Being average looking can be an advantage because nobody finds you a threat. I find women are often competitive and men tend to want to chat you up. It's always been that way.

[@idostuff5766]

Hey I'm in a similar situation to you. No friends in a new city and kinda bored. How do you cope?

[@byron9630]

What changed from your social life where you went from lots of friends to less ?

[@808naty]

I feel like one of the reasons people feel lonely to is because we can barely afford life. Our life structure changed incredibly and the time we had to spend with other human beings is now crowded with extra work or trying to make more money in general just to try to afford basic need. Americans can hardly afford to travel now or hang out like they used to. Yes, everything being remote does make you be alone more time I don't think it has much to do with this lonely epidemic. Worring about making more money and having less time to do social events I think has more to do with it. I worked from home, and I actually loved it. It gave me more time for leisure and to work on the things I actually want to do in life. There are many different ways to meet people. Yes, if you don't keep up your social skills you will become socially Awkard, so if you work from home please don't forget to keep up with your social skills. I don't know why no one talks about how this economy is hurting Americans in more ways than just their pockets.

[@candy2325]

I agree ☝️ I work from home and I have to be intentional with making plans and joining social groups. 😊

[@ThePresat0r]

Press F for Shelby's hand after holding that mic for so long.

[@you2bevsgoogle]

😁

[@TomNook.]

Free arm workout

[@mthomas1091]

Because Shelby’s truly focused on getting us good info👏👏👏👏

[@ShaneConQueso]

I feel you on the church thing. I’m envious of my delusional friends who can buy into it because they have a whole community. I was raised in the Christian church and it was a great community. We were always being invited and involved in church community activities. As a 40 yr old man with a 6 yr old daughter I feel sad for her that we aren’t involved in a church like I’m cheating her out of something. Most her friends go to Sunday school together and she feels so left out. Sometimes I contemplate going just so she could be part of it but like you said - I’d feel like such a fraud, because I was cursed with a logical brain and get get myself to go along with the fairy tale of religion. But the community you gain from it sure is nice.

[@F1Fanatic76]

F

[@BiztosAngol]

Shelby. This is happening here in Europe too. It’s an international phenomenon. This is gonna be the era of psychologists, because depression is getting part of our lives. Loneliness is really getting stronger. Online dating is failing. People want REAL interaction. Fashion always reaches back to the 80’s, the 90’s, the early 2000’s (before internet) and I believe people will be wanting to do the same by dropping online stuff like TikTok and get out there to LIVE.

[@Iquey]

I kind of agree. The fact that social media and keeping up with what my friends are up to on their digital footprint is starting to feel less like socializing or a digital novelty experience, and more like a spying chore 😂 doing stuff in person has become more fun again. I'm 33 now so I grew up with all the different early phases of social media, from Neopets, Gaia online, xanga, MySpace, Facebook and Tumblr / Twitter and now we're in the TikTok+post-twitter era since Elon ruined Twitter, many people my age are trying to figure out how to better spend their leisure time, which becomes more precious when you work to survive and aren't a teen anymore.

[@FelixCepedaChannel]

I bet this starts a war one day

[@blah8934]

Globalization side effect

[@michelleluvbeachsunsets4529]

I am past my mid 50’s and I have never felt more alone and lonely in my entire life. Loneliness has no age.

[@ShelbyChurch]

According to the chart in the beginning that’s where a lot of people spend the most time alone! We need more social functions for people in their 50’s! And walkable areas

[@dollimelaine]

volunteer to help out with a local theater. My mom had a theater and when folks would move to town, many would get involved in a show. They had a blast and made friends.

[@JulieNick28]

No, there is no age limit. I’m 53 and working on finding things to meet people. There are a ton of groups on Meetup - might want to see if anything in your area?

[@megcreates2.0]

@@ShelbyChurchthat doesn’t cost my first mo paycheck’s!

[@DMV_0202]

I will be 53 this year too. It’s just me and my dog. Divorced, no children and it’s just me. I’m feeling it too.

[@Nate.Wilson]

The loneliness epidemic is fueling the multi-billion dollar loneliness economy. The monetization of primarily lonely men with dating app subscriptions, lewd paywalled content, and so on is sad to see...

[@ShelbyChurch]

this is very true 😫

[@ernstthalmann4306]

Capitalism causes alienation

[@seanm7539]

Honestly, that’s why I don’t wanna get on dating apps because they’re full of a bunch of scam artists people wanting to just take your money

[@cristititi]

I am Spanish and when I watch videos of American KZbinrs their "loneliness" is something that always catches my attention. Here socializing is very very easy and common, I would find it horrible to be more than three days without contact with family-friends. I live in a small town and visit my family several times a week on foot, as well as meet my friends at the bar, where I also go on foot. I invite you all to come to Spain, you will see what a beautiful, walkable and sociable country!!!! Thanks for the video Shelby!

[@WeekendGamerTX]

Oh you are inviting us? How nice. Let me go buy a plane ticket right now and visit Spain, because Spain has no problems whatsoever, and we all have infinite money!

[@jacquig3116]

I think a lot of European countries are more walkable and acceptable to be out and about walking and socializing with other people. They also have a better work life balance I think. Americans in general tend to go home and stay in their house or in their backyard.

[@donotreplydumbpeople3866]

@@jacquig3116simple as that

[@HolaSoyJillian]

I was working remotely in San Francisco, and was quite lonely, so last year I moved to Spain and now socialize so much here! Your comment is very real. The culture and infrastructure in Spain help foment social interaction :) I love it

[@anonmouse15]

​@@WeekendGamerTX If you are going to hold out for a nation that has no problems, you'll be waiting for the rest of your life.

[@patrickdelfanian253]

Something you didn't touch on is that people take their politics much more seriously than ever before and it's a dividing issue that makes people hate each other and isolate even more. Exactly the opposite of what religion used to provide for most people.

[@Africanbeautyy93]

💯

[@EvaVas03]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🔥🔥🔥

[@zahrahp535]

Opposite of what religion used to provide? My sweet summer child...

[@spravedlivost7]

I would love to go to a place like Chirch or Mosque without involving religion

[@Andrew-tb9vr]

You are correct, I'm not particularly political but my liberal friends have become more extreme and some are just insufferable. Sometimes you just want to hang out and have a good time not talk about politics. But for some politics has become their personality.

[@Jeroen74]

WFH is ideal for an true introvert like me :) Seeing coworkers in the office once or twice a week is often enough, not to mention the draining commute with terrible traffic.

[@marieneu264]

I found out I was a true introvert and/or homebody during Covid. I was thrilled to work from home and all upcoming events cancelled lol. I know that probably makes me sound depressed or lonely, but I promise I’m not. I just honestly enjoyed the downtime and time at home with my kids and my husband.

[@lizzylolhearts]

@@marieneu264exactly how I feel , I was so happy to just stay home during Covid . In my opinion Going to work with strangers is not a good thing and it’s not the only place to socialize with people .

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@lizzylolhearts totally agree and coworkers are not your friends. I work where everybody shares your business. I talk about work and the weather. Nothing else and I prefer it.

[@americancapitalist9094]

As an introvert myself it only took about 6 months of a WFH “essential” personal only to undo all the progress I’d made on public speaking and all the social skills I’d made. If anything I’m worse now than before.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@americancapitalist9094I hear you.. during the pandemic I was in heaven and I loved the solitude. When it ended though I noticed it harder to go out and do basic social things. Not hard as in anxiety-inducing but just having to force myself to talk to others. I do feel some of us introverts can sometimes go past the “point of no return” in terms of isolation .

[@MuseSunflower]

I remember being at a house party in my 20s. A house full of people and I felt like an outcast the entire time. It’s like I was looking through people, and they were looking through me, but I didn’t know how to make myself visible or connected to any of them I got into personal development and spiritual healing and it really filled the hole in my heart and deepened the connection I had to myself. I learned how to find and verbalize my real thoughts. I learned how to take actions that aligned with my intuition. I unraveled a lot of beliefs about my worth. This is what helped build a healthier relationship to myself, and only once that was more solid was I able to build friendships and connections with other people I wonder if something similar is happening with other people. We are building an identity and life based on childhood conditioning and expectations. If you don’t even know who you are, you’ll have a hard time making friends because you aren’t really showing them authenticity

[@thelifewithnate]

It is weird, isn't it? Sometimes, being in a room full of people and you feel like the black sheep proverbially since you just see things differently. Good on you for getting into personal development and spirituality healing. Now, take what you have learned and go teach others how to do the same thing to help them overcome their fear of loneliness. If done right, you can monetize this and have clients with a consulting service!

[@MuseSunflower]

@@thelifewithnate thank you! Yes, that's exactly what I'm creating. My program has made a little money so far, and I'm hoping to grow it even more this year

[@shalom4441-o6i]

do you have a website?

[@NicksDynasty]

We are a car centric place so even though we live in the 3rd largest country, most of our life is stuck in the metal box driving by others. We need more cities where we can walk, bike and take transit and have more social friction

[@AnnJo24224]

Nonsense go to Warsaw in PL full of busses, still people eyes glued to phone can't see anybody

[@NicksDynasty]

@@AnnJo24224 I'm sure most people are glued to their phones and keep them themselves, but being around people in a close environment is something compared to being in a metal box by yourself speeding along Walking, stopping at local shops, parks and sitting on patios is the way to go

[@henrytep8884]

Third spaces and better urbanization that builds community cohesion

[@NicksDynasty]

@@henrytep8884 YEEESSSSS

[@gennaro]

This is just shifting the blame. This wasn't a problem 20 years ago. We're just as car centric.

[@ChucklesMcChuckleson]

Social media and internet tech has damaged us more much than we ever anticipated. Dopamine hits from scrolling reels, online gaming, and home entertainment setups that are better than movie theaters makes people want to stay home. Another thing that drives me crazy is this: even when I'm with people and watching a movie or a game, almost everyone is still glued to their f**king phone watching what THEY want to watch, rather than sharing in the experience. Romantic issues rise from this as well: with so many options, people are less likely to learn how to be in a relationship. It's easier to just move on, because you can have another date that night.

[@AmandaPinkPaws]

I literally hate when my family comes from hours away to visit just to sit around on their phone..my dad has literally pushed everything and everyone away because he’s talking to some Nigerian.. he does eat he doesn’t sleep he doesn’t interact with any family or his grandkids anymore but yet he says he’s lonely…he lives with my husband and I along with our 4 kids

[@mrconfusion87]

The Pandemic also did NOT help at all! If many current adults have trouble socializing already as it is, imagine what would be of the upcoming generation of adults who were school-aged kids in the Pandemic?

[@radeknosil2950]

but its also another way around. dont dare to say as a man you like playing games. you are immediatelly labeled as addict and ghosted

[@dianaexperiments]

This style of content is brilliant! Please keep doing it

[@mallorygraf8574]

Great work, Shelby!! I worked at a university in my 40s and became close friends with co-workers and our student assistants who were (on average) ages 18 -24. Honestly, when you all work together...age is secondary plus we learn from each other. We taught them how to handle office politics and they taught us about the latest technology! My point is just don't look for friends in your narrow age group but at all age groups...you'll be surprised. And yes, we're all still friends all these years later!❤

[@kristinpruitt519]

Maybe a hot take, but I feel so much less lonely now that I don’t work in an office. It always felt like people in the office were being “fake” to seem more professional and the people that did seem interested in having a community or friendships never wanted to include me. Now that I work for a global firm from home, I feel like I can be more myself and others are more authentic. I also have way more energy to spend with my friends outside of work and going places where I meet new people like the gym.

[@ShelbyChurch]

that actually totally makes sense. If you are around people you don't really vibe with it will just make you feel lonelier than actually being alone. at least with remote work you have more time and energy to go connect with people that get you

[@melbromley929]

I feel the same after quiting Church. Church made me feel isolated, like there was something inherently wrong with me for being human. I feel much better about myself for not attending and not being around those people.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Thanks Shelby. Loved your videos and just subscribed to your channel. I can definitely relate to loneliness as a 40 year old man living in a dysfunctional family with my elderly parents and younger brother. I really wish I had more friends.

[@21cgIN]

26:00 l live in London and although it's very walkable and public transport is amazing - it's still difficult to meet people and see friends. Everyone is busy with work and chores and to plan something you have to plan it a week in advance and book it ahead. Also the weather plays a big factor with what you see in Southern Europe vs Northern. I come from a southern country and yes it's easier to go for a coffee there after work because the weather is nicer and it does not get so dark in the winter.

[@lloydfrancis9149]

Yes but you can hang out in West London pubs Notting Hill Portobello market etc, London is friendlier than America trust me I'm born and bred but then again generation Z could be a different case. In London we replace Christianity with Islam that's why we are in Trouble so you don't know your neighbors you don't borrow a cup of tea from your neighbors it's not Christian anymore what do you expect however find a Christian Protestant or Catholic community. You could also go to Roma Italia or Napples

[@Oxymera]

@@lloydfrancis9149interesting. Americans are known to be very friendly and sociable, especially compared to most Europeans. It’s often a culture shock when an American randomly talks to a stranger over there.

[@EmilySmucker]

Honestly, I think a lot of divorces are caused by the loneliness epidemic, as counterintuitive as that may sound. People marry thinking that will cure their loneliness, and maybe it does somewhat during the "honeymoon phase." But when people find themselves lonely and unhappy within a marriage, the only option our culture gives for "curing" that loneliness is to go find someone better. In contrast, people in a more communal society aren't as quick to divorce because there are so many ways to find social fulfillment outside of marriage, so they're more content to stay in a sub-par marriage. At least, that's how it is in the more communal society I grew up in, but that was partly due to the huge stigma against divorce.

[@mikef2811]

Marriage is hard work. Most people do not want to work on their marriage. Divorce whenever they get bored.

[@mortalwombat2001]

@@mikef2811 society even rewards them for it

[@becm1395]

When you have no family left its hard. Finding true friends is harder everyone is busy and more into themselves.

[@largol33t12]

And as a guy, I find women are becoming really bad. They hate to even let you talk to them. That's why dating sites are shutting down. Women are becoming demanding and impossible. There are a looot of videos on KZbin and other sites about how unbelievably difficult it is to get into a relationship. it's so bad that I've given up. I'll never get married because women are just impossible. I've tried dating sites and they all stink. Most of the ads are bogus. You'd be shocked how many are prostitutes pretending to look for a date. Ran into so many that I quit visiting dating sites.

[@cathychats]

People are doing everything possible to be busy or to act busy to get admiration from others….woowww she's soooo busy….soo awesome

[@carolschneid]

Hearing the woman for Uganda reminds me of The Blue Zones documentary and how the people that live most to 100 and a big part of it is their communities around them

[@Christine.Baraka]

Shelby thank you sooooo much for this long video. Listened to it while packing because I am moving literally *this weekend* to a walkable community for all the reasons you stated. My husband and I moved 3 years ago to Texas for his work, and we found quickly how isolating a car centric place can be. Only having each other is not enough. It took us 2 years to make a few friends that live close to us, and we found them at church groups. Hanging out is still a hassle though, and being neurodivergent, I find it hard make plans far in advance, and was a lot happier when I had roommates where casual, unplanned interactions were happening every day. My husband and I are planning to be very diligent about making friends that live within walking distance in our new community (the Germantown neighborhood of Nashville). The culture of being "out of your house spending free time in public squares" is not really there because it's still the US, but I'm hoping I can be the change I want to see and convince my neighbors to join me😊

[@ShelbyChurch]

that's so awesome you're moving to a walkable area! I hope the move goes well for you guys!!

[@007rockford]

Even if you are surrounded by 20 friends you can still feel lonely...Lonelyness is a state of mind... we become more judgemental and analytical the older we get and that causes a self created distance from other

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

beyond brutal, honestly I think I might just end my life at 30 or something, after I've accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish, no point in living a lonely life and rotting away into old age

[@jennyhammond9261]

100% true! I'm 38. Since I could walk and talk-college, I had so many friends, and good ones. friends from church, friends from school (it helped that I was in band, chorus, sports), friends from woring at JC Penney Once I graduated college, and especially after I got divorced, there's just nobody out there I would go salsa dancing and swing dancing and met people, but they become more of acquaintances, not friends. I moved to Mexico and there is a strong sense of community here and I think it's because of it being less car dependent and because there are still so many local, family-owned businesses; I'm not just the 5000th customer at Walmart for the day.

[@nightingalebard]

I'm SO happy that you're talking about this topic! This is all stuff I've been focusing on these last few years - building community and finding fulfillment there. I've been on both ends of the spectrum, and having a community is one of the best feelings in the world. I'm ambiverted, but enjoying alone time doesn't mean it's not also important to keep in touch with friends! I enjoy life so much more when I have plans and things to look forward to with people I adore. I love having a circle of people I can talk to and be vulnerable with. I love getting to listen, be there, and help friends in need - and it means the world to me when I get the same back. Community has enriched my life so much! And it's there for you whether you're in a long-term relationship, single, thriving, or going through hard times. It breaks my heart that it's becoming harder to find community in our modern age, and I really hope in our lifetime, we see the USA start to adopt more European-like walkable areas to try and change that.

[@AMG-III]

It’s not so hard to find. It’s more like it’s all around us but people are scared to open up, to trust strangers, to become a trusted person to others, etc. Someone in my circle now literally lived a few blocks away from me. It took an app called Nextdoor to get us talking even though we had seen each other out and about twice before.

[@Siel-bm7gx]

Interesting, didn't know what ambivert meant till now but, that is great you have those relationships and closeness with people.

[@Londondarbs]

It’s always a good day when Shelby Posts!

[@AmandaIbraimovic]

I grew up in a major city and most of my friends are also from this city. We have a big friend group that has been together for 10+ years and I don't take this for granted. I know how lucky we are for having this. The fact that we're all from here helped a lot. Most of us met in school and introduced other friends from school and build the friend group over the years. We're all in out early 30 now and I think we're gonna be together forever. When you're new to a place is hard to have something like that.

[@Siel-bm7gx]

that's awesome you have had strong relationship's that have lasted the test of time.

[@Glossyvixen]

A lot of this resonates with me. I’ve worked from home for 17 yrs and barely know anyone but my neighbors. A couple friends in relationships from my last neighborhood. I go out to eat alone and grocery shop, buy clothes then home to my dog. Strangers are stone cold too or on their phones. People don’t even get out of their cars to get a coffee anymore and half don’t even get their own groceries or takeout, it’s really a sad deal. However, I do have to say that there is something to be said about not having people in your life who are in your business though lol!

[@1m2a3t4t5]

crazy seeing the starbucks app the way people almost frantically bust in the door dont look at anyone grab their drink and takeoff. You think your next up and theres like 10-15 invisible people with orders ahead of you, has made me almost want to just cancel my order and leave while waiting. The point, like you said, noone wants to leave the house anymore and do anything in person. Its not the way.. side note, those same people complaining about money and use delivery services 💀 smh

[@mariad9126]

Get the focus off yourself and reach out to others. Join groups that are doing things to help those less fortunate, join a faith group, look for others who could use a friend. Start a book club. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Give of yourself and you'll get filled up!

[@ShelbyChurch]

some good ideas right here!

[@Markandrachael]

​@ShelbyChurch yes, people used to volunteer so much more. If faith based isn't your thing, volunteer for something that tugs at your heart. You will meet like minded people.

[@penname4764]

Kind of a hot take and tons of research too. This should go viral

[@ShelbyChurch]

There’s a ton of other videos about it! I mean the fact that the surgeon general called it an epidemic is wild…

[@kdcounseling]

As a therapist I can tell you this is a big topic with all generations

[@wincharles1195]

I definitely agree and people don’t wanna work on their mental health to love themselves

[@trinerexs9006]

Do you think loneliness will be the pandemic of the future?

[@indigoechos6796]

​@@trinerexs9006it already is

[@theplasmacollider6431]

When I worked in retail recently, whenever you went on break, there was an opportunity to socialize. Back in the 2000s, that's what people would do. Now, people will always be on their smart phones texting. Instead of being bored which then drives socializing with real people, the boredom instinct just leads to texting. Can't understate how much smart phones have affected this.

[@elsongs]

People are so horrible, toxic and dysfunctional these days. Who even wants to spend time with them?

[@anonmouse15]

They always have been. That is just how humanity largely is.

[@bluecollarlit]

Yes, it took me a long time to learn this. I have a lot of cheerful optimism in my head, and then I am frequently let down by reality.

[@coconutpanda]

That was time well spent. I was fully engaged in every second of this vid. The 45 mins just flew by tbh. Important and relatable topic for sure. Regarding the format - the topic content of these 'podcast' type vids you've started, has credibility to it because of your life experience. You've been on this platform a long time and I feel like the timing is optimal for segments of your audience to lean into this. Good start! I'm a fan!

[@DarthSoto78]

I'm in my 40s now, and I find even work is different today then it use to be. I do factory work. Today it feels like your co-workers don't really give a crap about your life outside of work. We all work, and go our own ways when the shift is over. Where back in the days (like 15-20 years ago) everybody use to go out after work to get drinks, or a meal, and that would form friendships, and sometimes romantic relationships between some people.

[@1967tanuki]

Hi, Shelby! I am loving this topic about loneliness and your new podcast format. 🎉😀

[@ShelbyChurch]

Omg thank you!!

[@dr.vanhellsing]

The reason public squares don’t exist in America is because of zoning. Cities lose money on public square's, but if you put a giant apartment and cram as many people inside that’s called monthly revenue.

[@ceomg]

I find myself in this exact living / working situation and I don’t feel lonely. I feel lucky in this way but I wish more people didn’t feel lonely in their lives.

[@camelliaghotbzadeh2576]

I LOVE this new format Shelby!! this was such a great insight into the realities of living alone, trying to create a community, and finding friends. I'm so glad you touched on this because it is not talked about enough and I think we've all felt that sense of loneliness at some point or another! I also related a lot to what you said regarding your friend Danielle's tiktok. I'm pretty social and such a planner with my friends but it's hard to be the only one who is initiating plans all the time and it's tiring, and makes you want to not even do it after a while. Anyways, I really enjoyed this and please continue doing these 😊

[@nessness_x]

This video hit allll the points. I especially resonated with the religious piece and not “buying into it” but envying the sense of community.

[@PhilipMcneill-kc5dg]

LOVE the podcast style videos! I’m in my mid 50s and live alone , simi retired and working away on my laptop everyday so yeah the topic was very close to home for me …..thanks Shelby!

[@kaspersdiary]

Lots of crime and shootings in some cities make me want to just stay at home now.

[@Victoria-my4mu]

Iv always thought you should be a commentary creator when you came out of the beauty guru/lifestyle creator era years ago, so excited to watch this, I am so here for this !!

[@janecarhart515]

Great job! You hit on so many important points. I have been somewhat unknowingly searching for the elusive community feel. I had it when I lived in Alaska and in a 12th Century village in the French alps but since returning to the US in 2009 I have now moved 3 times trying to find it again. Being single at 62 also makes it difficult I am finding. I just moved from a small island in Washington where everyone was coupled up. You get really alienated as a single woman in small towns. Now I live on a bigger island across from Seattle and am hoping to find this elusive community feeling and connection. So far it’s been better and easier. Fingers crossed I can find and develop lasting friendships here. Thanks again for sharing:)

[@stephaniemiersch]

Hey Shelby, I'm old enough to be your mom 😊 and maybe in a minority here, but I just want to say I love your videos and the direction you're taking. Thank you for this particular video, so many great points. Keep at it!

[@peakster753]

My loneliness issues started in college…I was fortunate to have many friends in HS (but never did anything outside of school with them) and then as we all graduated (and I did go to all of the graduations) I grew apart from them. I graduated in 2006 and wound up going to each graduation of my HS from 2004-10 because of it. Then in March 2019 I went to the funeral of one of my friends who I graduated with and knew going back to Elementary School and getting to see several mutual friends at the funeral really impacted me because I wish I had a happier occasion to be around them…then of course COVID hasn’t done this any favors but I agree with Shelby that the seeds were being planted before COVID hit. I struggle with wishing I could have friends to do things with. I also feel like ‘odd man out’ in many gatherings I wind up being a part of. I also have anxiety around driving (especially at night) and that doesn’t help, either.

[@BrianPetersen-l2w]

Excellent video. I can relate to all the things you said. I might add that your channel is a highlight of my days. As a retired Art teacher I have learned to always develop new art and music projects that are fulfilling. Thanks.

[@Twocantravel]

You are so right about third places being important for having a feeling of community. We’ve spent 12+ years living outside the US in Asia, Europe, and South America and have found that there are so many more places where people can go and hang out and just BE and enjoy life surrounded by others. I wish there was more of that in the US. It is SO needed! Also, loving this new format you’re trying!

[@SimonTmte]

To my knowledge it has become more common these days for "friendships" to be synonymous with acquaintances, people lack insight into the substance of relationships as if they've observed a physical reality of behaviour and don't understand that if there's no emotional connection than the social structures don't actually exist

[@Ross_P]

Me listening to this while on the train, alone, going back to my (adoptive) city after, where I live alone to work, and where I have only like 3 friends, after having met up with another friend for the day: 😢

[@exploringfindeverything]

Shelby, wow, what a terrific presentation. The b roll was outstanding and you really covered an area that needed to be covered. I'm glad you used your best Mic because your audio was the best. I could listen to you for hours because you truly are the best in your craft.

[@margaretbaldwin4416]

it really does hit hard when you realize you’re the friend who reaches out exclusively. that is the worst feeling, knowing that if you don’t consistently reach out to your friends, you’ll never have anyone to hang out with. hard to not resent them after that realization

[@MissUnderstood_Mom]

I love, love, love being alone and by myself. I know it’s fortunate that I’m a homebody loner. I also feel blessed that if I want to, I have friends to go out with, adventures to go on, church to attend. I’m so sorry if you feel lonely. I know some people need time with people more than others.

[@AJLando]

Thank you for making this video. I am 23, a first year teacher, and the youngest employee at my school. Fresh out of college and I moved to a new city away from my family and friends. I have been lonely for the last 6 months. And it felt like culture shock because I graduated college and immediately got dumped here in this strange city where I'm no longer surrounded by thousands of kids my age. And I've really been struggling since moving here. I've been so used to making friends where I see people consistently, but the only people I see consistently are the 12 year old kids that I'm teaching, or the 40+ year old teachers in my hallway. But I really doubt they want to go out and do something with my 23-year old self when they are busy with their own spouses and kids. And when I'm not at school, I am at Planet fitness where everyone has headphones in and is doing their own thing, or I am at home. It's been very isolating and a huge adjustment period since entering this new adult world.

[@parmeshwardewanganflute2009]

I personally appreciate your content and your understanding and vision of modern day youth and society.❤

[@SamiLoft]

I love this new kind of video that KZbin has been recommending me a lot as of recently! These podcasts kind of talks are so interesting and I find them relatable most of the time. It puts words on thoughts I have but don’t know how to process. Thanks Shelby!

[@MickySerri]

33 years old living in Argentina, working from home for the last 10 years, the loneliness is super real, while I do have q big group from friends from school we don’t interact or see each other every day. As an introvert who struggles making new friends or interacting in social events this epidemic hits hard and close to home. Thank you for raising awareness to it and sharing your thoughts. Love your content ❤

[@chanceriordan]

I like the new chatty podcast style vids. They're humble, relatable and it feels like listening to a friend.

[@FURUKNN]

Love the new content. Very relatable topic that is important to discuss as our world changes. Thanks for the openness.

[@TheDoriette]

I'm 60 years old and I totally get this. I work from home. I cannot even find people, classes, groups of anyone with common interests.

[@bumblebee_ms]

People who have one day of loneliness have no idea what real loneliness is like. Saying your lonely and then admitting you have a husband, kids, a family, friends, work mates, then you are NOT lonely. I wish people would stop being hypocrites. Loneliness is REAL.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

You hit the nail on the head so thank you so much for putting it out there

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@PraveenSrJ01 You're welcome. This issue isn't funny for us who are truly lonely.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

@@bumblebee_msI’m sorry if I seemed to think it was funny. I don’t believe it is funny at all so I apologize if I came across the wrong way. I don’t like to offend other people

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@PraveenSrJ01 Oh no, I didn't mean you thought it was funny at all, I mean in general. Those who mock us by saying they are lonely yet they have 10 people in their lives. That's what I meant. Please do not feel like you said anything wrong, quite the contrary, you were super sweet by supporting what I said. Have a great day/night.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

@@bumblebee_ms thank you for the clarification and all the best to you. 😇

[@clevinjack1129]

On purpose I go to antique shop stores owned by old people. Just so the old people can tell me stories because I believe that everything they have to say is just from the heart. And it touches my heart and it makes me feel less lonely because they're sharing truth. And I end up staying there for hours. Just talking to old people sometimes I also go to old old people homes and let them tell their stories. It's comforting.

[@OliverFoote]

Walkability and third places would seriously improve people’s social lives

[@KS-cb5er]

Everytime I decide I'm done with my loneliness, I'm going to meet new ppI. Meeting them make me realize why I wanted to be alone at the first place.

[@ipsilonia]

29:08 a third place is a place you don’t have to pay for! it’s supposed to serve as an equalizer of people of different socioeconomic classes, like a public square/park. cafes, gyms, and exclusive clubs are distinctly NOT third places. i live in LA too and i think it’s soo important to properly acknowledge how FEW third spaces there are.

[@ShelbyChurch]

Most of them in LA are $$$

[@mlb9772]

Such amazing content! So relatable! 😍Even though we have less of a car focused society, this is a European issue too.

[@Lauren-yq3ds]

Love this style of video! You’re doing a great job! In my early 20s after college I joined a bunch of clubs bc I thought I needed to make new friends. Quickly realized I wasn’t looking for a friend I was looking for a husband. You really do have to treat meeting someone like a part time job these days.

[@lordhalston]

I really wasn't expecting a lot from this video but it was a really nuanced take that was thoughtful and added a new take on the conversation. Really well done - thanks

[@ShelbyChurch]

Thank you so much!

[@F1Fanatic76]

I’m 47 and divorced and I feel that. I’ve been burned so many times that I just don’t want to try dating anymore. I want to meet someone but going through the dating process is really draining and daunting. Hopefully it happens organically. My dog Rosie is one of the best things that’s happened to me. She keeps me sane.

[@bluecollarlit]

Cats and dogs are the best people.

[@briannadavisson6881]

I have loved these kind of videos! Feels very much like chatting with a friend but also being informed on some of these important topics. Please keep making these!

[@karoncrickmore2093]

Love this video! You hit the mark with it. As a follow up, maybe you want to find places in the US where people are a community. Places like a retirement community ( like a 55 plus or the Villages in Florida), maybe a culture-centered place ( Hispanic/Latino/etc, a library where parents bring their children ,… etc.). I had this problem when I retired from teaching and the rest of my friends were working (and then Covid hit), I had to come up with ways to meet new people. One of my neighbors pushed ( thanks Maureen) me to join Life Time Fitness, a large gym, but it has an Arora Community ( usually 50+ with hundreds of members in the community) where we have all sorts of classes together ( yoga, barre, barebell, Strength, etc as well as a Pickleball community) and the facility even schedules an hour coffee time for us every Tuesday and Thursday (free). We even has a small group of ladies from Pickleball and we take one day a month to go somewhere nice for lunch. For a young person ( hey I am 71 - you ARE young), you are very wise. I hope you continue finding topics and people who you feel passionate about. ❤

[@marieneu264]

Love that you mentioned The Villages in FL! I’m from Louisville, KY and my parents and SO many other people from here have places there or have moved there permanently. They love it!!!

[@dannyheroic]

great video. loneliness is a serious issue and the difficult thing is it's not necessarily easy to see who is lonely and who isn't. no one hitting you up is the worst feeling when you get tired of being the planner.

[@11111moose]

Excellent video covering this complex topic. You're on a roll keep the good vids coming!

[@Elephant2024]

Living alone after losing both of my elderly parents within the last few years has augmented my sense of loneliness and isolation exponentially. The only consolation has been my physical health has improved over the last year because there is no one left to take care of anymore but myself. I try to keep physically active by going to the gym and walking, while keeping my mind active by reading and watching great online content creators like yourself. I have definitely gotten much more religious with age.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

My parents are elderly and not doing very well mentally and physically. Please pray 🙏 for them

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I’m an older millennial born in 1983

[@Elephant2024]

@@PraveenSrJ01 🙏

[@justjazzy6789]

Girl, you rock! Your videos are so informative, yet I feel like I'm chatting with a friend. We are so different, but your content seems so relevant across the board. Thanks for allowing us to be part of your experience! ❤

[@penguinwithwifi]

Yes, I can relate.

[@whyareallnickstaken]

First of all, this is imo your best video to date and I love content like this from you - I usually watch your real estate-related videos for small inserts about life, and here’s 45 minutes of that - thank you! Second: I’m a very serious loner and I feel extremely tired when surrounded by people for longer. Really enjoyed the pandemic reality, best years of my life. However, being single at the time, it was easy to do (or, in this case, not do) whatever I wanted. Participating in a real life takes effort, especially when you’re not born too social of a person, but - as I once heard - you can stay in a place in your life, where nothing happens, and enjoy it, but nothing’s going to happen, because that’s exactly what you wish. I think this is something that not only I have struggled with - wanting a lot to happen to you, having big dreams, while doing everything in your power to keep it from happening. Perhaps that inner conflict becomes more popular these days? Causing frustration and disappointment with life.

[@pachachaslide]

Great job, Shelby! I think it also explains a lot of the parasocial relationships 😮 people arent making as many consistent or longlasting connections in the real world so we settle for online content

[@Alicialyons-uf6yr]

This is why you are relatable. I’ve been watching you for 4 years. Alone time is good for us. Solo trips are good for us. Great video

[@757Princess]

Friends are exhausting. I’m glad to not be bothered anymore. But I’m also that person who will go out alone when I feel like socializing

[@bluecollarlit]

These days, a higher percentage of people are horrible, toxic, crazy, narcissistic, bullies. And the few nice people are busy and don't want to bother anyone, so odds are any person who approaches you is a toxic troublemaker who is seeking a new "target." This has been my experience. Starting in the 90s, I have seen much more inappropriate behavior and crazed hostility.

[@indigoechos6796]

Eating food is exhausting. Like having to put it in my mouth is too much effort. That's why I don't bother anymore. "Basic needs" are all a lie. We don't need anything

[@IndieRider111]

One of the problems I have is people are so egoic (they identify with their mind programing) they're not worth knowing because they drain my energy.

[@tiwiogunye]

you are so so right

[@floridafun7805]

One thing that contributes to loneliness is no longer being able to relate to friends and family that live for their children. So... you drift apart -- and not because of a fight or disagreement. You just don't know how to talk to each other anymore.

[@blazejnycz1]

That is absolutely true. But it is usually the married people that are afraid to meet singles, I think. I don't know why..... like they have some subconcious fear.... maybe also people in general, don't like to listen the clitical points of view of each other.... something bad had happend to our civilisation..... I think we can blame technology a bit, and also monetary and financial system.... they have one thing in common... both are not perfect. That is why we all need the spiritual side also. Like religion communitys, to give ourselves a bit of time to think deeper about the world... Religion like Christianity, is constant searching.... and the church just give you the tools etc... the rest depends from every single person... that is free will.... a big power of every human being. All the best to everybody from Poland (Europe). We also have the same problems. And few other ones.... But I hope it is not gonna be that bad.... nobody said it's gonna be easy.😁👍

[@GThu1]

I live in Budapest. A car here is more like a burden than any help. The public transport is so good that you don't need, not even want a car in the city or within 20km around it. Even if you want travel individually for some reason, you can fetch a super cheap bike (provided by the city), an e-bike, a scooter or a shared e-car. There are less and less parking spots for more and more parking fee, but almost no one cares, because those spots closed are being opened to public (non-car use).

[@ibizawavey8630]

Unreal how a country like Hungary is so far ahead of a Canada WEALTHY country. Dude we don't even have a 2 way train to Toronto (our major city) but only in the week days so people cna get to work. If you want to go anywhere in the evenings, you have to have a car (20 mins to go anywhere) or get an uber (expensive) those are your choices. Our gov't literally does nothing but put out articles about blacks vs whites or gays vs straight or virtue signaling about immigration, or something useless. We have a PM now for 8 years, he hasn't even built a SINGLE highway. Not one. Our highways are from the 1940s

[@Katieudu]

I’m loving these podcast style episodes!!!!

[@joelphillipsphotography5700]

Hi Shelby I'm a ex-bartender and I moved to California from the Seattle area and I notice that when I moved to California all of my friends just disappeared and scenes I moved back to the PNW I've been keeping a low profile and the friends that I had I've haven't reached out to them becuse I've been enjoying more time to my self and plus I became photographer and I have basically started all over which is the most healthy thing for my self. I love the topic and let's keep the conversation going!!! Thank you!!!

[@Inheinsight82]

Great topic, and SO accurate today. I recently moved to a fairly small town, and while I've met and know my immediate next door neighbors, I don't know anyone else in the neighborhood. I was just talking about this topic with a friend that I recently met at the dog park. She is much younger than me, moved here for work and there are very few people in the area her age. We need to look out for each other, especially those of us that are alone. I'd love to find a way to meet people and even be there for someone who may just need someone to talk to.

[@jackrose7977]

Such a relevant topic. My sister and I both work remotely and live together, and I'm thankful to have family around all the time for my community. I could see being lonely if you lived alone. I love working from home, like you said, because I actually have more time, and i can hang out with my kids it's very flexible.

[@InvolvingChris]

Big fan of this format

[@ClaudiaSariah]

Shelby, you have a unique insight on this loneliness epidemic. I've felt the loneliness when I started to work after college. It seemed like my social group got really small and everyone that I met at work had their own private life. A friend from work, shared about her tennis team which helped me to meet other women my age with a similar passion. During the pandemic, I found myself enjoying nature walks and adventures in Lake Tahoe with my dog. There I met other individuals with dogs who also shared a love for nature. At times, it also seems that you must put effort into doing things outside of your comfort zone to meet people. This year, I have started going to church with the effort to connect with others and grow my faith. When I travel to South America, I see the social aspect of society and how it is common to visit your friends and connect much more than here in America. Great video! It made me reflect so much on my own behavior, friendship, and relationships.

[@QueenStix]

I can’t drive, Uber is too expensive, and there’s not really public transportation. I couldn’t hang out with friends even if I had any. Thankful for my online friends .

[@malissahyatt2425]

Uber isn't safe anyway. Had a friend say don't use it if you're alone.

[@BobBohner4851]

Wow. First time listener and you have very important insights and solutions. I’m passing them on to others. Let’s do this again.

[@slimjseattle]

Thank you for pointing out that car culture adds to our loneliness. No chance to casually connect to friends/neighbors when we drive everywhere.

[@madhatter139]

I ride the bus daily and have never struck up a conversation with any fellow passenger. This seems like an odd take.

[@zachg9065]

I agree @@madhatter139

[@MasterTSayge]

I can relate. I had good friends in 2004 to 2009. We met in weekly aNime/geek club in NYC. We met on Thursday evenings. I loved it. We did gaming, movies, charity, and holiday parties. Christmas was the Best!🎉 Then we all went separate ways. Worst decision ever. Some are married & alone, single & alone, and successful in career & alone. We should of stayed!

[@cindyfern]

I'm an extrovert. Although I do miss talking to coworkers and having potlucks, I don't miss office drama, uncomfortable attitudes, and 1:1 in persons. I will say to hybrid. Working from home has pushed me to focus on other things in life, like hobbies and fitness. On a side note, I think that when you're younger, Those things matter to you. I definitely feel that way. But I think that we don't interact with people as much as when we were younger and back in the old days.

[@BriannasPlanet]

I rarely ever comment on KZbin videos but something that I love going to are meetups! It’s a website where people can socialize and organize activities. I’ve been going to them for years and have made so many friends!

[@VideoGameRoom32]

I rather be lonely than be with people because my job requires dealing with people. The people I work with are douche bags and they are toxic. My parent's and siblings are toxic. So loneliness is a blessing to me. You won't understand until you put yourself in my shoes.

[@1m2a3t4t5]

unfortunately a good majority of people are dbags