The Mentally Ill Form Couples

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The mentally ill form dyads or couples. Pathologies attract each other and resonate in alliances of pain, fused relationships.
Such partnerships are suffused with torment: the mentally ill spouses or intimate partners engage in mutually hurtful conduct. It is also heartbreaking to watch your loved one's inexorable decline.
Gradually, the parties settle on coping strategies that are either "approach" or "avoidance" oriented.
The "approach" strategies include active denial of the problem often via a shared psychosis which renders the mental illness something to espouse, encourage, or be proud of.
Another strategy involves enabling. The enabler collaborates with the mentally sick partner so as to accommodate his or her disability.
Sometimes one of the partners assumes the role and mantle of guru, teacher, coach, guide, or father or mother. He or she suppresses dissent and re-molds the mentally ill partner to conform to some ideal. This could involve harsh or even sadistic criticism and humiliation on a daily basis as well as intermittent reinforcement.
But more often the mentally ill members of the dyad end up avoiding each other and the pain that they cause one another. This hurt aversion leads to extreme estrangement and cruel disengagement. Being ignored and neglected results in decompensation and acting out. The mentally ill partner tries to provoke attention and punish his or her avoidant counterpart by engaging in promiscuous and reckless behaviors.
In extreme cases the wayward partner internalizes and accepts the harsh judgment of her significant other. This can lead to major depressive episodes, psychotic disorders, and suicide.
(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissisti...)

[@wanketta]

My narcissistic parents. My father adored my bi-polar mother, who actively disliked him, referred to him as ‘your idiot father’ and ‘my meal ticket’, and humiliated him often, insisting they participate in swinging (bec he was such a poor performer in the bedroom), and she had numerous emotional and sexual affairs. Dad was oblivious and even forgiving, insisting she loved him. She was hateful towards him until she developed Parkinson’s disease, and was sedated. Then the tables turned, and dad mistreated her with constant berating and physical abuse (for 15 years). She died at 85 in 2011, bruises all over her face and body. Still alive at 91, he denies it all, but I witnessed it firsthand. They were both narcissists, and the strangest symbiotic duo, married 65 years. It has been a difficult recovery for me and my sister, as their toxic personalities negatively influenced us. Mother was very physically and verbally abusive, using a riding crop, metal vacuum cleaner pipe and electrical cord as a whip to keep her intimidated children ‘in line’. Told about that by relatives, friends and neighbors, my father never believed it and still thinks my sister and I are lying (in our 60s) to make him think ‘bad thoughts’ about our mother. The pair of them needed therapy/medication.

[@wanketta]

Sunmoon Stars Hope springs eternal. I raised my children four states away from my parents, with as much love, concern, acceptance and peace as I could muster. They are all happy, accomplished adults, and my delight. That’s my ‘revenge’.

[@wanketta]

dave 1 Part of the irony if borderline personality disorder and Narcissism is the fear if abandonment. It makes them behave hatefully, and to see them fall apart when it actually happens is difficult to understand.

[@ashazridgeway4556]

I know a couple like that. It's very interesting to see from the outside. It's like a covet and overt in a relationship with each other.

[@thediabolicalempath7246]

Ashaz ridgeway Is that the reason why when they go out, they feel like their relationship is wonderful?

[@ashazridgeway4556]

The Observer it's very superficial. You can't engage In a conversation with either of them because they are always right. The covert is a textbook case where she feels in her mind that the world isn't ready for her level of superior intelligence yet. Even though she's wrong on a lot of things she tries to change the laws of science to apply to her fractured ego to the point of being dangerous. She likes to have an input on absolutely everything and likes to control people with money. The way she does this is that you have to agree with her on everything she says even though it's wrong or she will stop being consistent with the things she buys. She has a very well paid job. Also playing the victim to situations she actively creates by antagonizing her overt partner. I was sitting having coffee with her at her home, she said she'd ordered loads of home furnishings which the overt didn't k ow about and went on to say that the overt is going to be furious when he comes home. He come home and exploded and the covert acted like she was frightened. It was a conical show. The pair of them lie, they both have the personality of a grey brick but the overt is very flirtatious with other women, still being verbally abusive to the covert. Overt also has a very well paid job but also lacks depth and integrity. They both fill their voids with expensive things. Such as expensive musical instruments when he can't play them well. It's interesting.

[@ashazridgeway4556]

Wannabe Scientist so your parents are what I have just written?

[@ashazridgeway4556]

Wannabe Scientist does that affect your daily life? You still live with them?

[@thediabolicalempath7246]

Ashaz ridgeway It sounds theatrical. But sad at the same time.

[@kidsmoked]

They never have dyads. They need triads. As someone who was the affair partner, they need to trick these third parties to scapegoat and continue their sick fuck relationships.

[@jessicadorsey8483]

Very good.

[@elainaimani8699]

Wow. It's really sad.

[@mikefleming5247]

Sounds like my parents

[@roshimafair7603]

Mike Fleming mine too ,hard to tell which one is worse , especially in old age