The Mexico vlog!...and a heart-to-heart chat

Vacation prep, our trip to Mexico, chat about First Daughter Syndrome, and Sephora Haul | Jaclyn Salem vlogs
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let's be friends
Hi, I'm Jaclyn. Welcome to my KZbin channel where I share mostly sewing content with a dash of gardening and life in NYC.
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links & mentions
• Compleat Strategist NYC: www.thecomplea...
• Dim Sum Palace: dimsumpalace.com/
• Glamnetic Press On Nails: www.glamnetic.com/jaclynsalemwaxtel
• Tulip Apricot Beauty: brentandbeckys...
• Tulip Mondial: brentandbeckys...
• Tulip Black Hero: brentandbeckys...
• Excellence Playa Mujeres: www.excellence...
•Chichen Itza tour: www.seasonstour...
• Sunglasses: rstyle.me/+oQa...
• Swimsuit: amzn.to/49TVKsW
• Gucci Mascara: rstyle.me/+203...
• Replica From The Garden fragrance: rstyle.me/+WPH...
• Givenchy Prisme Libre powder: rstyle.me/+nte...
• Shiseido Sunscreen: rstyle.me/+xiU...
• Isntree Sunscreen: amzn.to/3wbbw4P
music used
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[@katapult0987]

I remember having to ask a new-ish friend to water my plants while I was out of town. I was soooo apologetic and kept trying to give her an easy out. She was about 20 years older than me and told me to stop apologizing and explained that relationships deepen through caring for each other and doing favors. I realized that's how I feel when it comes to helping a friend, but I never assumed they would feel that way for me. It was a good lesson.

[@crazyboutknitting]

Hello Miss Jaclyn. It is so nice to see you. Your vacation looked wonderful. Your topic is a great topic. Being a first child I find (talking with my hubby who is a first child), we were born in the 60's (1960's), kids were seen & not heard, we did what we were told. As an adult I found it hard to be ok with my own decisions & that I was still obligated to do what my parents (mostly Mom). There were other challenges that I won't add here,, getting to a place that is a good place is a good thing. Knowing that your needs are good & healthy is awesome place to be for all of us.

[@wzrdreams]

That was very insightful Jaclyn. I haven't seen to much of the "first child" discourse, but as a fellow first child I can see how that would resonate. Thanks for sharing. I love your tulip collection this year, and your new sunnies look very chic.

[@kathykujawa6183]

you are so right- having and expressing needs and wants and even dreams and desires helps someone get to know you. it is defintely not the same as being needy. this looks like such a calm and relaxing trip. so nice. cool breakfast

[@tanyawillisanderson]

As a non sewer, I really enjoyed this vlog extra much 😂❤ lovely trip vlog - and thank you for sharing more of you with us. I love that element in vlogs. We feel things and no reason we should hide over when we share our lives in this fashion - we help each other. ❤

[@krentu]

Loved the heart to heart talk at the end

[@jaclynsalemwaxtel]

I reallyyyyy want to do a full on garden tour for each of my gardening spaces!

[@andrealandsburg]

Thank you for talking about first child syndrome...and most importantly about normalizing and validating that having needs does not make us needy..that really resonated...❤ I still struggle with that.. Enjoyed your Mexico vlog and Andrew is right about being happiiest in your own home....😊

[@ronistrauss9151]

I'm also a first child and a daughter and can completely relate to what you shared. As women so many natural responses can be changed to sound negative. As you indicated if people in your life do not respond in a positive way to your needs the question is whether they are really a friend at all..... never mind a good fit as a romantic partner. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

[@michelleboland6424]

Thanks for a great message at the end of another great vlog. I needed to hear that message in the worst sort of way. Thank you! And I’ve always thought your nest was amazing too loo

[@BohemianBrownSugar]

I am an oldest daughter and I have and have had the same struggles. Thank you for sharing and being so open.

[@kerrywolf8670]

I'm a first born daughter and I needed to hear what you said. Thank you for what you said about people not knowing what their role is around first born daughters if you don't give them a chance. It was eye opening. Hopefully, I will remember your words the next time someone asks to help with something instead of just doing it on my own 😂.

[@jaclynsalemwaxtel]

Something that I try to remember is just because I CAN do something myself doesn't mean that I HAVE to do it myself. When people offer to help or are extending kindness, they are usually offering because they *want* to, not out of a sense of obligation. Offering to help someone is how others show care and love, and accepting those gestures is a way to accept that love.

[@Eli-pj5rk]

That's what I'm talking about....best blog ever..thanks for sharing the human side .loved it

[@Talesinmaking]

Loved this!! Your Mexico trip looked like paradise it makes me wish I was back in Bali by the pool with my books and tropical surroundings. Stunning!! I loved when you asked Andrew what he felt like about coming home and he was ready to be with his things and you mentioned having built a really good nest and that's exactly how me and my partner felt when we went away. Our home now is so set up for us and our hobbies and things, we love being away but we also love to come home and be settled in our surroundings. It's such a nice refreshed feeling too when you get back. I've always been a really independent and had to learn to not be quite so due to some health things which I found so tough because I not only always did most things for myself but in my past relationships my partners where like leeches. I did everything to keep our home secure and I was the 100% bread winner and I ended those relationships because they brought nothing to our partnership and I hate myself for putting up with that. It felt so disrespectful and I under valued myself, I got fed up of it being on my shoulders even when I got Ill it was always on me to provide. I learnt before I started seeing my current partner what my wants and needs were and actually made that a list of aims not all had to be checked of but most of the important ones and when I met Nicholas he literally ticked off every box and still does I feel so lucky to have him and his support and that he wants to care for me which was a massive thing for me. I always felt undeserving because no one had ever gone out of their way to provide and care for me in such a way. I think changing the word 'Needs' to 'Priorities' is a better fit, having your priorities in order when making relationships and like you say seeing if the match fits if not let it go. A great vlog and very well discussed thoughtful topic. 🙂

[@stitcht78]

Loved seeing the resort and the happy alone time you guys got to share! I really totally agree with you on the whole "first child"thing. I'm an only child, which I'm sure is similar, and was pretty masculine when I was younger. I still am, honestly. My husband is very manly but also super sensitive. No one knows that about him but me and our kids though. Nice food for thought!

[@robinbunis6792]

Jacklyn what a great video. Your trip looked amazing. You and Andrew are the perfect couple. Stunning outfits.

[@susandavis3092]

Lovely blog. Thanks for staying at the resort, except the chaparoned tour. I want to be in a place like that. Very interesting about the first born daughter theories. 👻❤️😘

[@ligialee100]

Have been there many times love it. Will be going in June again. Enjoy

[@anniewatkins8636]

Only 6 doughnuts! 😂 The resort looked amazing. Thank you for taking us with you both 😊

[@jaclynsalemwaxtel]

In 24 hours lol! If I had discovered them sooner, that number would have been a LOT higher!!! I love vanilla cream filled donuts!!! 😂

[@inspiringsimple]

If I was there I would totally swim or cruise along that entire wrap around pool area 😆

[@debramurray5132]

What a fun trip❤

[@taylothlorien]

I understand. My therapist looked at me once and said, "why don't you feel like you deserve to be loved?" completely out of nowhere (to me at the time) and I completely crumbled. I don't expect to get love or be loved etc and in some ways I think that has prevented me from being loved by others.

[@jaclynsalemwaxtel]

THIS. GAH I could talk about this for ages. Luckily I grew up with SO MUCH love from my parents, and my friends were an amazing support system too. But when it came to romantic relationships, I was in one for a LONG time in college that really skewed my understanding of what I was "allowed" to want/have needs for. And because that was such a formative relationship, it really set the tone for how I acted in relationships going forward. I would tolerate more than I should have, or feel afraid to express my needs to romantic partners out of fear of being "too much" and that just attracted the wrong people of course. It was such a strong contrast to my friendships! I've always been good at making friends because I've never shied away from vulnerability in friendship. Therapy helped me unpack SO much- I had a similar experience that you did. My therapist asked me why I felt like I wasn't allowed to show my feelings in relationships, and my big aha moment was her helping me realize what kinds of people would be attracted to someone who doesn't have needs. The light bulb went off! After that I cried randomly almost daily WEEKS- both in relief and also at the pent up loss I felt of so many years wasted on relationships that didn't deserve it. That was the first time that I TRULY understood what people mean when they say "the only way out is through."

[@taylothlorien]

@@jaclynsalemwaxtel Exactly! We mourn what we "lost" because we never had it from conditioned behaviors. For me it was largely in friendships that then prohibited me from okay relationships with in-laws but it's helped a lot, even just to understand.

[@kristenklemann9547]

UGH, I identify so deeply with the first daughter syndrome and wanting to be a "Cool Girl" who isn't "needy". At 47, I've been working through that for several(+!) years, but the instinct that "if I ask for things people won't like me" ocassionally whispers to me.

[@jaclynsalemwaxtel]

I totally hear you. Oddly I have ZERO problem expressing my needs and being vulnerable in *friendships*- and my incredible friendships reflect that! But when it came to romantic relationships, that was 1000000% me. I think my "Aha Moment" came when my therapist at that time helped me realize...what kinds of people are going to be attracted to the girl who doesn't have needs? And of course...it's going to be people who WANT people who don't have needs! There is no such thing as global popularity. So the best thing is to be yourself loudly and proudly. Your people will find you and will love you all the more for it.