The OCD Haze (Dissociation)

The OCD Haze is one of the hardest aspects of living with this disorder. It's terrifying and is a result of acute anxiety to the point where you feel trapped, not part of life, and at times dissociated. I share some about my experience with it and I hope it helps you feel less alone.
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For more videos on living with OCD:
OCD and Memories • OCD and Memories
Sexual Orientation OCD & Dating/Relationships • Sexual Orientation OCD...
OCD: Am I Straight? Gay? Trans? Bi? Asexual? • OCD: Am I straight? Ga...
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[@carahamelie]

I experienced this once and it was horrible, but one of my most memorable OCD experiences I have had. I just remember feeling SO detached... and the world was almost moving at a slower pace and like my body was slightly heavier. I was trying to put on a smile, and ACT as if I was fine.... but it was SO forced it almost made me tired. I was feeling almost as if nothing mattered because nothing was real.... like my body was trying to tell me that if the fear IS TRUE, who cares... because literally nothing matters and nothing is real. It was like a defense mechanism or something. Its like a dream... its so hard to explain.

[@TSJ99]

Yes, I experienced something similar

[@finnburns2317]

i just experienced something like this! you’re not alone!

[@rulingvenus]

My ocd has made it so I cant cry or express emotion..I feel like a bomb thats going to explode. I'm so so angry and irritable:(

[@justinbroniszewski]

I've been stuck in a dissociative state since last July, and for the most part I am getting better but it's still there. My episode was triggered by intense stress and anxiety mixed with an old OCD theme that once again started to bother me. The derealization at first was the worst I have ever had, and then I started Lexapro which gave me awful panic attacks on top, which then morphed into depersonalization. My sense of self is completely gone and I just want the old me back. The worst part is that no one truly understands what this is like, and society expects you to get over it like the common cold.

[@loopduplicate]

Oh Justin, that really must feel so bad. Something that helped me find some sense of self again is IFS; it's a little weird but some of the concepts helped me. If nothing else, it's a fun philosophy to explore. Good luck, lots of hugs.

[@justinbroniszewski]

@@loopduplicate Thanks ❤ I'm looking into getting a new therapist that can understand dissociation, and IFS is definitely something I'd like to delve further into!

[@jgilbertson636]

Lexapro is the worst. It stole my soul. Took my essence. Left me dead inside and with severe DPDR. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[@loopduplicate]

@@jgilbertson636 Luvox works for me... I love the stuff

[@amandawigboldy6316]

I remember experiencing this so much as a child. I remember being hit with a wave of detachment and sadness with family or friends and just having to leave and isolate because I couldn’t handle the feeling or understand why it was happening to me. Hearing your description of how real and scary it feels for children was so validating; I hadn’t considered that it was my OCD haze until now. It had still wrecked me trying to figure out “why was I so sad and detached as a kid? Did something happen to me? Why can’t I remember?” So on and on.. It was such a terrifying feeling that was a significant part of my young life. Thank you for this content. I am really grateful for you and this video

[@airrss]

thank you so much chrissie. this couldn’t have come at a better time. i’ve been dealing with this for a week now and it’s horrifying. you made me feel less alone 💕

[@kristymarie6065]

This is a good one to talk about. Ocd sneaks in all ways that it can. When I had my relapse 18 months ago I felt like I broke completely this was one of the ones I had. Ocd exploded into every theme possible. I had to stop trying to figure every damn thing out and extra love myself. Lots of self care.

[@Ashish-nd3xj]

I am in the relapse now !

[@MetalForLife1970]

This sucks! We don't deserve to suffer like this! We deserve to live life to the fullest like anyone else! So many dreams and happiness dashed because of this shit!

[@moulee7448]

I know what you say. I stopped believing in God at this point.

[@QRFDHOO]

@@moulee7448never stop believing he’s still with you through all this

[@gwenbodeutsch5723]

I so relate! I have not heard anyone talk about this but I totally get it! Oh my gosh I hate it so much! sometimes it lasts for hours or maybe even days. Feels like a nightmare to me. thank you so much for these videos! I really appreciate it and feel less alone!

[@destinylavonne2305]

I just want to say thank you again for sharing your story with us again and we're all here for you and support you in every way like you do with us every time you make a video

[@annscott866]

❤ Thank you for this, a wonderful video to watch at the end of a rough day🙂

[@almarquez5906]

Appreciate you sharing your experience Chrissie. Think I can relate to the 'Haze' and not being fully present.

[@kristymarie6065]

We have to be kind to ourselves.

[@juliebancroft625]

Chrissie you are just spot on with your videos. I am and have been for a while now in a really bad place...my anxiety has been so high and really I'm so tired. I've had definite moments in the haze,it's been so terrifying...but just know this..watching your videos makes me know I'm not alone x

[@raintv8050]

Thank you for this video. It’s so relatable; thank you for being vulnerable. You’ve helped me do much. I will try the grounding technique.

[@jgilbertson636]

Thank you. I had this at work last week. It’s so humiliating. I was trying so so hard to act normal. It was a very important meeting. I was a stunned robot. Thank you so much for normalizing this thing that I shame myself about. Just had an argument with my husband last night about this as he thinks I should be able to calm myself in the moment - I just can’t, whatever I do/try.

[@nancyburkhart1070]

Thank-you for talking about this. I always thought my dissociative periods were trauma related so I am so glad you brought it up. When my OCD is at it's worst I liken it to being on the inside of a balloon and I can't get to be with the people on the outside (even if someone is right next to me). I also experience other sensory distortions when my anxiety gets really bad ie sense of smell, taste, the way I experience time.

[@drsan1111]

thank you. your kindness and authenticity really shines even through the screen. this made me feel less alone even though im feeling in a haze right now. i hope you are doing well today

[@rayjohnson1192]

Thanks for yet another eye-opening video Chrissie! As a 34 year sufferer of Harm and Sexuality OCD I thought I knew pretty much everything there was to know about OCD. I've experienced this in the past many times but never knew what it was exactly or that it was caused by my condition. Thank you so much for bringing this to light and please keep doing what you do, your videos have helped me through some tuff times lately. Where can subscribers make a donation? Do you know of a good OCD non-profit?

[@Mohammad-bg1xc]

My experience starts with a scary thought then i feel like all of my attention goes inward and feel pressure or heaviness in my forehead and i feel like there's a glass between me and the world and my brain won't function normally for example when someone talks to me i will not be able to understand what they say or can't participate in the conversation

[@kchashet310]

Chrissie thsnk u so much for those valuable info, it's much appreciated❤ can u please talk about MMD(maladaptive day dreaming) and it's correlation to OCD as a coping mechanism?

[@douglasalderton3954]

Thanks Chrissy This has helped me understand I stayed in bed all last weekend So this answers my worries Look after yourself xx

[@loopduplicate]

Thanks Chrissie :) I find myself in a dissociative state all the time. When I'm very tired, sometimes it's the only thing I can do to get a little relief. It can be a compulsion for me, I know; usually a way to escape from some sort of extreme emotion. I went from doing it 50 times a day to maybe a few times most days. Sitting with our feelings is hard sometimes, eh?

[@psychicturning]

Chrissie - this video is amazing. I have to ask if you see this, where are you from? I'm from Texas and find your voice really comforting!

[@jesenyacarrasquillo8449]

Thank you so much for this

[@joejoe77_gold]

Blessings for us!

[@Albanishification]

Thank you so much, you explained things that I have asked my self for years! Techno us also a Great thing, bear it too. Here to -Sven Vath- great dj🎉

[@aytulcremer2365]

i was in portugal on vacation with my family and i couldnt have fun. everything took over i was stuck in my thoughts. i couldnt go to the beach because i couldnt stand seeing myself in a swimsuit. i coukdnt stop looking at every single boy that passed and get jelious. - aytuls daughter

[@christinenyborg2651]

Thank you ❤️

[@julianaramirez7669]

Totally related! The maze after a huge trigger or even a small one sometimes.... 😒

[@wilka171]

Thank You

[@lizjim5852]

I relate 💯

[@woodyshade]

wow. it happened to me today after some months of pause from it. Standing in front of an acquaintance at the library, helping me to find some material, me standing there with sexual obsessions interfering with my quest and enjoyment of the moment. I was looking through an opaque material, in pain and anxiety, like having a shirt too small for my chest, choking me, invisible to others. I tried to let the relaxation kick in, but I was truly dissociated and too scared to deal with the pressure and shame- It felt like reacting to the same script at infinity. Fu**....

[@vzlan999]

I experience this quite often and it's my brain defense mechanism fortunately I can manage now that I am in recovery. I dismiss my intrusive thought meanwhile I keep a straight face to my peers. It has taken years of practice

[@andreabrown2106]

Bless youv

[@jahkarl7376]

Stupid, Weak, no; you're lovely Chrissie Hodges.

[@sxfnlc]

Disassociation is healthy until it goes into OCD and somatic body dysmorphia. I feel like I’m two people. It’s hell

[@papierflieger9110]

„I just gave you reassurance, haha“🤣🙏

[@yamunajolicoeur2807]

Your are a LIFE SAVER ESPECIALLY YOUR RELIGION VIDEO 5YEARS AGO ... I SHARED WITH SOOOOOOOOO MANY 💕💜💕🫂💝❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

[@shaquillascott]

I exsperence this all the time, but I didn’t have a clue as to what it was

[@GraphicsGarage]

I didn't know there was a term for that. It's the worst. I always assumed it was some kind of mental defense mechanism or something.

[@Mohammad-bg1xc]

Is there a book on this

[@vzlan999]

The haze for me is an intrusive image that looks blurry which interrupts your vision and thinking even when you are trying to pay attention to what's in front of you, as I said I learned to cope and not let it interrupt me or alter my emotions and sensations, it has taken years of practice to learn and manage

[@trinityx7526]

this is where i want to be in my recovery journey

[@vzlan999]

@@trinityx7526 you will get there

[@SaritaSingh-gp7ll]

Plz chrissie plz make videos on social hatred and boycott bcoz people don't understand ocd people hated me bcoz of ocd

[@brightmooninthenight2111]

I don't know what to believe anymore. You say to us we are doing the best that we can. I do not believe this. I get a synchronicity about crime and punishment. Well ive done the crime. So the punishment follows. But you said we don't deserve this. That is true for most of the people listening. But ive done really bad things in my past, so the mental Illness is the karma. Except My mental illness makes my mother and brother suffer. Its a conundrum, i deserve the hell because of evil deeds of the past, but my suffering causes loved ones to suffer... Contradictions. Then i believe i am so uncertain because i am a fraud and i am a liar and aelf deceiver and immoral people cant ascertain what is real or not because they've lied so much they cant tell the difference between truth and lies. But then i find out everyone suffering from OCD has this problem of not being able to figure out what is ocd or not, or if their thoughts are Really ocd or thats just denial and the thoughts are REAL. but basically its a constant conundrum and disorienting masoon of contradictions. People turn to religion to find concrete answers but even the religion is full of contradictions. No offense to any Christians but i swear to God the first bible passage i ever Read from the book, or the earliest memory was the passage about Yahweh commanding the stoning of homosexuals. Well that aliented me. But furthermore even the religion is full of errors. Ocd is certainly the Doubting disease. Often with a grain of truth then taken to some preposterous extreme. I am losing any ability to figure this out. Pummelled and torn breakdown after breakdown. Not knowing if i am truly possessed by demonic spirits, or am i sincerely still an evil person, is a satanic presence permeating my life, and how much of a self deceiver am i? Is the ocd an excuse. On and on. Everyday a whirlwind, a restless conundrum of contradictions without resolve. Boring deeper and deeper into my sanity and leaving me more and more dysfunctional and exhausted. No longer knowing what is real or not. Or to what extent it is real. Giving up on figuring it out. Except i say this but ill be right back at it, trying to argue against it. Defend myself, and fight it. Never any resolve. But feeling like i deserve the punishment even though the more i am punished the more it punishes my family

[@Rebecca-xx5pw]

But not in Puerto Rico 😩