The ONE THING to Look For to Spot a Narcissist...

[@meghasanyal4861]

That's why I always tell people, don't fall for niceness, look for kindness

[@savesoil3133]

Kindness is nice ♡ #SaveSoil

[@savesoil3133]

But of course I get what you mean!💚

[@meghasanyal4861]

@@savesoil3133 Yes kindness is nice, but niceness is not always kind.

[@lizbrown9553]

NICE IS EASY TO PRETEND,,FAKING,,FALSE CHARM... BUT KINDNESS IS SOMETHING YOU CAN VISCERALLY FEEL FROM ANOTHER PERSON❤

[@elizabethgalvin9168]

My dad is 1 of the kindest people I know & that's what I've always looked for n a partner.....

[@scurvyelephant333]

How to test a narcissist is say “no” to something they really want and stick to it. Doesn’t have to be in conflict, just have a firm boundary and watch what happens when they don’t “win” whatever it is they’re after. Won’t take long.

[@ilabadoni1647]

Exactly.. One told me ‘i will remember this and you wait for what i do next time.’ making me feel unsafe and insecure for simply telling that person to keep the toilet clean. Giving a loved one a threat -see what i do to you next time’ is unreal

[@SeptemberRose-lx1or]

🎉🎉🎉 Yep the no test Or boundaries

[@scurvyelephant333]

@@ilabadoni1647 …an unreality which sadly becomes the norm for those that live with it. When you get some distance, you see how wild the things look that we became desensitized to.

[@yourfutureisnow6480]

Yes I've done this on purpose many times. Once, this guy wanted to see more pic of me, and I simply said no. He said some nasty things to me and blocked me. What a loserrr

[@jenifernadeau]

​@@ilabadoni1647yes big red flag to leave immediately. That's why taking dating super slow and observing for patterns and watching body language is super important.❤

[@robbieogle8622]

They talk and you listen. Then you talk they look away.

[@nerdfpv]

ADHS can be the Same. Dont be to fast.

[@naf_is_here]

I'm socially awkward, so I tend to look away when somebody tells me something that they are hurt by. It can also be when they are talking normally. So, it's not always accurate

[@judyyates2763]

You are spot on. It's so disrespectful! I hated that. However, always remember they do not validate us!

[@jinaolen786]

If they don't ask questions to get to know you and your likes and preferences, that's a red flag

[@mariafamilia9134]

Red flag

[@annagub6810]

Narcissists are good at pretending in the beginning. When they've got you that's when they are tired of pretending

[@user-wq6lm8yv5m]

100% CORRECT🙏

[@leonabug619]

Yep. They can only pretend for a short while, so they have to get you attached and emotionally invested before they crack. Then it will be something YOU did, something inoculous that will cause them great outrage, and they flip the script. Then you spend the rest of the relationship trying to get back to the way it was in the beginning.

[@rosmawatiboyle6718]

Oh you are right. I think i am in that situation 😢

[@heatherwestfall2513]

💯😢

[@jillaplecove]

The narcissist will make your pain about them. They'll try to one up your story or divert your pain to their pain. They'll even gas light your feelings and experiences.

[@loualbino5536]

​@Hollycat50 Nailed it. This generation just wants to make up all kinds of rules.

[@rainmanj9978]

​@Hollycat50 good point 👉

[@palapalak.8907]

When I was crying..he said, look at me, I am happy. ZERO compassion. It's all about them.

[@julioalberto2794]

Boo hoo 😢 narcissists. wah! wah! wah! 😫

[@sweethearteu]

Definitely

[@HorrorStoriesFromThe40s]

I was DEEEEEPLY in love with a narcissist. It is one of the absolute most dangerous relationships you could be in.

[@ram47863]

​@traceeavila I hear that convert narcissist are good at mirror other people, they even mirror the trauma Make you think that they're your soulmate Because at first they're supper kind and loving, and nobody understands you except them

[@lemonpie96]

Horrible

[@periwinkle808]

You were in love with that person mirroring, you. You. You were the loving person they were pretending to be.

[@Peppersteakpartypie]

Trauma bonded?

[@ericag4908]

And they don't love you, they just love the way you love them...

[@desertangelfish140]

When you're heartbroken and sloppy crying in front of them and they're looking at you like you have 4 heads!

[@Nulady8008]

and then they attack you for crying, saying that you are bringing them down with your negative emotions and they give you the silent treatment.

[@alizamalik3945]

When u cry Infront of them if ur are on video cal they totally in silent mood watching you and say u first cry I will talk to you afterwards...

[@LALA_DANI]

Jesus! Yes! It's heartwrenching and so confusing! You'll be sobbing your soul out in front of them and they will look at you like you're pathetic and annoying

[@sweetannsour1794]

​@@LALA_DANI I'm not a narcissist (believe me or don't, I don't care) but I can't stand crying. I will absolutely lose all respect for you if you're crying like that. It has to be over something really hard, like a death, for me to be okay with it, otherwise you're just being dramatic or whiny. I don't have time for that kind of weakness. I'm a woman, but most men are like this, doesn't make them narcissists.

[@Tangodawg55]

There also crocodile tears. They said I can’t stand to see anyone crying

[@delishme2]

Lack of empathy is the number 1 red flag always.

[@keepitmoving4692]

​@robertwilliams1167 empathy isn't earned respect it.

[@noanoa8991]

Some of them, especially covert narcissists, will behave perfectly with you in the beginning

[@ebbiemusumali8301]

Wait.. empathy is earned? 😅

[@loualbino5536]

Too much empathy has led to soft on crime laws.

[@user-px6ph5bh7j]

On both sides, yes. If his or hers lack triggers you, maybe you shall look in the mirror

[@LinYouToo]

They defend, deflect, deny, diminish, dismiss, depersonalize, and demean. And they could care less.

[@lauren9373]

My sister

[@LetTheHolySpiritGuide]

Couldn’t care less

[@LinYouToo]

@@LetTheHolySpiritGuide ha ha ha. They couldn’t care less. actually, they could care less they simply don’t. Don’t let the Holy Spirit hit you on the way out the door.

[@janicebaker2813]

Evil

[@LetTheHolySpiritGuide]

@@LinYouToo if they could care less, it means they still care, which they don’t, I wasn’t saying it to be mean though, May The Holy Ghost heal you and bring you peace love!

[@scurvyelephant333]

One problem with this… Some narcs are very good at faking it and/or selective “kindness,” such as subtly controlling favors that appear generous, seeming to care when they can play savior, or when it’s easy and non-threatening so they can earn some capital and confuse you about who they are.

[@Rafoolin]

Damn! So true! I learned this about my mother in law after 5 years! Everyone says she’s so kind but she likes to seem that way so her victims are not believable when they say the kindness is a currency she’ll cash out later with unreasonable expectations of reciprocation or sense of entitlement and shaming you for not giving her what she wants.

[@suraya1224]

That's why vy important to observe them for AT LEAST 5 yrs; within the 1st year, you may see signs, if you know what to look for. The mask will slip.

[@suraya1224]

​@@RafoolinI have a sister like that; wears a mask in public to get approval, but ppl vy close to her, see the reality.

[@Mscellany1]

Absolutely true. My study buddy put on a huge show of being kind and considerate for the rest of the world. But actively put a spanner in the works of my first budding romance in 1981, aged 16, to our eternal regret.

[@wolfman231]

Absolutely true; it's part of their chameleon nature to be whoever they think you want them to be....at least in the beginning.

[@mojo4369]

I was married to a narc and he could do what seemed to be very thoughtful things. I finally realized he didn't do them for me, he did them to make himself look good, and to have bragging rights. He created a great an illusion that everyone believed including me. When he hurt me or I was angry with him I felt guilty for being so unappreciative . Narcs can be subtle or covert as they say

[@rachelwalker-davies4420]

I hear ya on that one. I’ve had a few people like this in my life. Unfortunately, they still are to some degree but I’m at least aware now, so I keep a safe distance.

[@G.G.8GG]

I like that you indicate past tense in that relationship. Hope you enjoy companionship and kindness these days. Similar for me. Some members of my extended family still think he is the nicest guy ever because he was so good at putting on the facade.

[@samanthafreesi471]

Yes, this is how they can get complete control and have you confused l. That's why you must know yourself 💯 before you get involved with anyone. Just in case.

[@sheaholloway9537]

Mimicry!

[@rosemarietolentino3218]

Coverts are even harder to spot they play the victim so well.

[@ghostinthenetworks662]

Your body will tell you, your intuition will tell you, your heart will tell you. Trust your gut

[@kelly.nicole]

I disagree.

[@empressstaceyjackson5375]

absolutely 💯

[@stefg7611]

Right, and your mind knows but your hopes that someone actually loves and excites you as much as they show u in love bombing phase😢❤

[@drriks0017]

Nonsense... If it this easy we wouldn't have videos on this..

[@landy952]

@@kelly.nicole exactly. If they were assholes at the beginning, are intuition would tell us to run. But that’s not how they are at the beginning, their prince charming they’re absolutely the night of shining armor. The most wonderful person that you’ve ever connected with in your whole life, and they become absolutely everything that you need. I disagree with this woman 100% that they don’t show you any kindness. They do. It’s not real. It’s all about getting you to fall in love with them. But this woman is absolutely 100% false. Maybe she’s talking about overt narcissist but covert narcissist are very charming and generous and people love them. They don’t know any better they can’t see through the façade.

[@misspriss2482]

The problem is that too many narcissists know how to fake it. When they're in charm mode, they can be very caring and good at faking empathy. What I look for is how they act around people who can't do anything for them. If they don't want something from someone, how much empathy or kindness do they show? That's the real test.

[@garimasingh2236]

If they don't get narc supply or found u r not in their control they just avoid and show as they got irritated by your behaviour as u r thinking so much and they act really cool nd try to hide their true intentions nd if u ask questions they just avoid you or ghost you with in seconds and u keep thinking may be i was the one who is wrong he was a cool normal person but he is a real player who shift blame on you nd act as a victim

[@ruthvargas4317]

​@@garimasingh2236oh my God you're describing my ex.😮

[@infiniLor]

I'm certain many will watch these kinds of vids to sharpen their skills

[@shelightsup3338]

Also, Narcissists mirror you and your personality. They copy you in the relationship. You feel sad, they’ll one up your sadness. You are angry they get angrier because you are angry. You loved something so much, they become obsessed with it. They have zero personality and gather up any kind of charm based upon who and what they meet, see on tv, hear on the radio or morph into whatever it is they think you like. Narcissists have a smug look whenever they see you achieve any happiness that wasn’t derived from them. It’s unbelievably scary to see them try and become you. SCARY.

[@tahminasahak6562]

Exactly

[@anaabreu8289]

So true

[@thewhiterabbit3221]

That is so true….

[@samanthafreesi471]

Yep!

[@mariecc222]

This is so accurate! It never stops creeping me out tho 😮

[@HappyForestBridge-zj4yh]

They say narcissists are stuck in infancy. They don't get out of the self concern stage. There's no way to bring them to the next stage of development, it's locked in

[@bonniebase4421]

Wow spot on I would say

[@JoanMango]

Good way of saying it

[@allyharvey8074]

Seems logical to me.

[@MoreKellBell]

They talk about themselves excessively and ask very little about you

[@13nlsc]

So do adhd trying to connect so not entirely true.

[@cristalreynoso8883]

@@13nlscwhen people talk about narcissists they have to look to all traits, one simple characteristic doesn’t mean that person is a narcissist

[@fahmida4inayat]

Yup!!😂

[@Mike-ce6vr]

They tend to ask a lot about you early on, but they’re just doing that to mirror you. Once they have you where they want, they stop asking you questions unless it pertains to them or something they want you to do.

[@MoreKellBell]

@@13nlsc yes I agree .in my experience there needs to be way more than 1 or 2 narcissistic traits. Usually a combo of things that seem off.

[@alisoncauser2955]

The very first sign is love bombing, declaring love really early, wanting to spend time with you, ringing, texting a lot just to say they are thinking about you and interested in you. Next will come the gaslighting,

[@giftofthewild6665]

Yep

[@Mike-ce6vr]

Don’t forget they mirror you too!

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

All you say are ALSO what people do when they are really in love with you! The only thing they do not do is gaslighting, behave hurtful if they 'got you'. And narcissists can mimic all that and you think they are caring and into you for real. That is the confusing thing!

[@jeffreymorris6193]

I mean this sounds like a person likes someone?

[@giftofthewild6665]

@@jeffreymorris6193 you can't love someone if you've only known them a few days.

[@CarolOToole-q6g]

I asked a narcissist to help me with a problem and the reply was " you think you have problems , you should have the problems i have etc etc " I think that says it all 😮

[@Goawaypleasenow]

That does not indicate narcissism. It’s so much deeper than that. I had an ex best friend who always did this but she was just self centered and ignorant. 💁‍♀️

[@ecclairmayo4153]

I can't stand when people do that. I know its because they think they are putting the problem in perspective and also trying to get you to be grateful that it could be worse...but it's just the wrong thing to tell someone because they are looking for acknowledgement of THEIR problems right now

[@megan1445]

​​​@@Goawaypleasenow In your opinion, whats the differences between a narcissist and someone who is ignorant and self centred? I thought ignorance and self-centredness were traits of a narc? Are narcs more deceptive and malicious i.e gas lighting, gossiping, character assassinating, lying etc?

[@wolfman231]

@@megan1445 True narcissism is rather rare. In the above example, that's just a clumsy statement of boundaries. It's healthy to put your needs first. A therapist once used the analogy of when a plane cabin depressurizes; we are told to put on our oxygen mask first before helping others.

[@Goldgirl1978]

This is one of my family members to a T.

[@kimpot165]

This is so true. I was in a toxic relationship before and I had to go to therapy because of everything I experienced from him. My therapist said that my ex shows indications of being a narcissist. He does not care, he does not care if you are hurt but he will erupt like a volcano when he is the one who gets hurt.

[@ivybichon8582]

Sometimes they can come off a little empathetic only for you to open up more and use that painful situation against you

[@chrishnah]

They definitely have empathy, they just use it to manipulate. Cognitive empathy

[@samanthafreesi471]

Yes I agree with this

[@Asi_de_bello]

Yea that my experience so now I speak less and listen and watch.

[@Melody-ym4do]

Isn't the covert narcissist mostly that way? It took me decades of going back and spilling my guts, only to have it thrown back at me (weaknesses, fears, hard times), and I finally realized the covert enjoyed every minute of the worst times of my life. I will never understand them, or the guilt trips they throw at us. They're actually scariest to me, and more manipulative.

[@badazzmaro]

Just thought about it cuz I saw another video mentioning the single mother mantra I do anything for my kids, you know my kids come first I'm always kids and they're my world or whatever and it's like you know has a good mother that shouldn't be something you even thinking about to say

[@Kloops]

My ex husband learned really quickly to show me tears when I’ve been hurt. He didn’t feel the tears. He put on a show and knew it melted my heart when he hurt me. Sick and twisted. He knew how to play me.

[@dmwoodard01]

They are great at pretending in order to get what they want

[@osetia20]

I am glad he’s an EX. Bless you ❤

[@eyaalem7990]

Sorry to hear that. Narcissists don’t have self awareness. They need inner work. But they can’t do voluntary because deep down they afraid you will leave them and they think they will be alone. To be alone for narcissistic person is a death ground. They have childhood trauma and they don’t face it.

[@mark-147]

That describes many women unfortunately.

[@Gasta1983]

​@@mark-147most women

[@MrsNsf74]

They show kindness, they are perfect until they got you.

[@OptimisticMaya]

@MrsNsf74..I know what you mean. But I think that’s called love bombing, rather than genuine kindness. I’ve experienced this first hand (three times - a relative and romantic partners) and I’m only just learning about and seeing their behaviour for what it really is and only after many many years with respect to two of the three narcs. Ugh!

[@nia6849]

Ever show them Ying/Ying ?

[@esnutaliah]

They instantly disconnect from you because they know they sure as hell don’t have the capacity to empathise.

[@peacerun]

Early in the relationship my 14-yr-old dog died. He never showed any feeling at all. Said nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wish I had seen this video then instead of waking up to it all 4 years later when I was barely myself anymore. Doing better now - 3 years since breaking up.

[@moniqueengleman873]

Keep it up❤

[@JourneysoulKojo]

I’m sorry I had to read these comments because I’m still recovering from “the love of my life” or so I thought we were engaged and in the end together over 5 years on and off the whole time, I thought it was my fault that we would have break ups only to find out. It was their way of taking a break from me and having fun only coming back when they needed me to fill their cup and show them real love again your comment, help me that it’s not just me who doesn’t feel like myself anymore. I don’t feel as fun or as cool. I don’t have as many friends and I’m having a hard time making new ones they separated from my old ones. And always told me they didn’t want me to work. They liked me staying home and taking care of them in the house while they were at work in the end when they finally got to where they wanted to be they started to look down on me like I was Nothing and I think I started to believe it. I even started transitioning because he said he would support the decision and wanted me to and the worst part is I still have a lot of love for him and I still insanely somewhere in the back of my mind think that there’s hope that one day he’ll show up, the way he did in the beginning😢

[@Marcelube]

I dated a histrionic and, at a certain moment, her cat died. She was very sad, I comforted her. Next time I met her, she was aggressive with me. I asked what was wrong, why she was treating me that way. She said she was sad because her cat had died. I replied I knew that, that I was comforting her, that I cared about her pain, but that it was not ok for her to take it out on me. Silence: no apology, no nothing. I said I'm going home and we'll talk some other time. She didn't make a single move. I left quietly and respectfully. And that was that, she never mentioned it again. It was a huge red flag (amongst many others) but I knew nothing about it, just thought she was immature but would get better with time. Of course it didn't. When the end started for real, with all the silent treatments and DARVOs, I never suffered so much in my whole life for a person I never even truly loved (I always tried to make the feeling grow, but the relationship always had something... superficial. Thank God I didn't fall in love. If I had, I think I would have killed myself. And I'm 100% sure... she wouldn't even have cared. They just don't feel it.). It's necessary to learn a whole new vocabulary to understand what that is. I had no idea that kind of person existed or why someone would act in those ways, ridiculous ways many times. It took me months to start recovering, and years to fully recover. In the end, I ended up studying so much psychology that I can see through it real quickly these days and just stay away from these people. Plus I learned a lot about myself and life, too. There is a spectrum, of course, but if you start to get closer, they will f you up anyway in due time. Just not worth any try whether it's friendship, romantic, work or family.

[@helpinyerdasellavon]

No matter what they say, all they want is to manipulate and hurt you. Set strong healthy boundaries and see what happens. Avoid them at all costs and keep safe.

[@jfdc8432]

I told someone I was dating when my beloved kitty got run over and killed. I was distraught. They said “I thought cats were smarter than that.” I turned my back and walked away. Period. No empathy or kindness = not someone I want to hang with. I was heart broken. About losing my beloved kitty, not about ending with them!

[@jzblue345]

Not liking cats is a red flag period. Cats are the best.

[@karendavenport2766]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[@angelayang9737]

Awww to be honest!! Sounds like something I would say, but not because I don’t like cats or cared abt your feelings, it’s just I actually would think after having dogs and cats all my life, they are smarter! Some of our souls on planet earth came from different planets and not sure how to say things to make others happy! I’m 100% sure u lost the most kindest and caring soul, Sometimes being naive is not less caring!!!

[@angelayang9737]

This was about the cat, not about you my dear!

[@GeorgieGeorgeB8]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience. Yes it was a great decision to walk away from that person who didn't care at all. Your kitty will forever love you and will give you strength every time. You are love and appreciated 💙

[@yuppers1]

You take them to an event where someone else is the center of attention (wedding, birthday etc.) - they will either get angry or make the day all about them somehow/grab the attention and control. There is an old saying a narcissist wants to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.

[@ok.s4830]

😂😂

[@spara6124]

I have a really hard time with facial expressions because of social anxiety. I’ve learnt we shouldn’t look too much into facial expressions because they don’t always represent how a person feels. Judge by a person’s actions, that’s more reliable.

[@mailill]

True!

[@mintkimono]

yeah, it’s hard for me to maintain eye contact

[@jojospeechy4848]

Definitely! Actions speak louder than words. I never heard the achy breaky chin. Weird!

[@BlindfoldSniper]

While I get this point of view it is a learned response, just like mine. I was the complete opposite, whereby I became very good at ascertaining body language from about 2 years old as a survival mode tactic. I can tell you that without this ability, that you'll miss a lot of actions that people think you don't know about.

[@dionnewatson6926]

I'm glad someone said this. It's so worrying to think people will think ur no good because u cant give eye contact...everytime I was kind as a child to another walking up to a visitor playing with there hair showing affection or looking at them to much I got punched into another part of the room...so it's very hard to be trusting of humans now. I struggle so bad an worry that people think I'm a bad person if I cant maintain eye contact.

[@randomastheday]

During the initial phase of a relationship a narcissist will show kindness, will be empathetic, will be loving and supportive TO get YOU where they want and need you. Then little by little they will devalue you. I think the biggest clue to narcissists is they can’t and will not take responsibility for anything and always play the victim.

[@Shel-y5w]

Feelings are dismissed ( ignored ) HUGE imdicator. Narcs are incapable

[@user-hx3vp1pn3g]

So true!! You talk they don’t listen, and the lack of empathy!! Ugh

[@brianbrantley4067]

Narcissist … always about themselves…. Always faultless.

[@Sunflo07H]

Totally!!

[@user-px6ph5bh7j]

Exactly, like this woman on the short😊

[@ERZATSHUMAN]

Simple, contradict them and see if they get shaken

[@brendaavila7655]

Narcissist never think they’re wrong. I gotta agree with her “they just don’t care”.

[@Corina-dq2my]

Lots of people are narcissistic. But it's the highly narcissistic ones that we need to be aware of. And especially NPD.

[@patrickrodriguez7744]

This is a very good point. There’s a big difference from having traits of narcissism and being highly narcissistic. And this doesn’t mean they have the disorder which is NPD. As you mentioned. I’d add that most people think of grandiose narcissistic people and not the covert or fragile narcissist which I believe is more common.

[@siempreseagull2]

Beware the ones who show empathy to you while you are with them, but not people who aren't there. They are faking you out.

[@patrickrodriguez7744]

@@siempreseagull2 yea because they don’t have to put on an act for the people who aren’t there. It’s kinda like : if they are gossiping about others with no empathy, the same applies to you.

[@patrickrodriguez7744]

Meaning they are doing the same to you.

[@siempreseagull2]

@@patrickrodriguez7744 Exactly

[@sharonbrown6202]

This is so true about if they tell you about something them vs when you tell them something about yourself. They change the conversation quickly.

[@shashi3072]

Test them..When you are away tell them you can't see them coz you are sick..They go crazy because you said no and they don't care about your sickness. They want only fun part of you not the sick one This works all the time.

[@janebraun4482]

So true, a new person I'd met, he was not able to control me, I did not subject myself to any sort of game, when he saw me, rudely kept saying I was 'sick', as though it could not be I just was not happy with him, being all about what he wanted.

[@TonyBennet-tc8gz]

My mum wanted me to visit her although I was sick and had high temperature

[@radman6047]

Yes, they want their needs met only.

[@adrianfranco1028]

So true

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

They won’t take care of you

[@cynthiasmith409]

Narcs are masters in acting.

[@Apocalyptiseptical]

Also I notice they’re so quick to talk about things coming from the heart. If it does really come from the heart, why would anyone need to mention it in the first place?

[@frenzy3132]

Agree

[@Aksweetipi]

I was with a narcissist for 12 years I concur with every word that this woman just spoke.

[@loveshopping8497]

There actions will show it , my x husband never cared when I was sick .

[@miss_pouty]

My mom never cared when i am sick. 😔

[@Goawaypleasenow]

Mine wasn’t even in the hospital after my c section. My mom came at 3am stood over my bed and said “HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU” And she was very right

[@cornelia-wp5hj]

Yes. He didn't even bring me a glass of water when I was in ill. I still had to get up to make dinner as well and go to the shops for groceries

[@clairebear2975]

Yeah nor did mine, when he was sick I would go round, check hes ok, cook or whatever...with me it was zero. Am so glad i finished it.

[@loveshopping8497]

@@clairebear2975 I totally understand you he didn't even bothered to call me to see if I was ok or if I needed anything

[@JetaimeElizabethmorganHi-qh6vw]

Being around them my tummy hurts my head starts hurting aweful,interrupts 100% of the time ,they do not care

[@susangrande8142]

Yep. Your body is reacting to their contradictory vibes. 👍

[@annerison]

Same, major tummy aches and I feel exhausted.

[@SuMonCheri]

@JetaimeElizabethmorganHi-qh6vw yes I almost vomit everytime I am in their presence. Confusion and sudden depression are the first sign. Is like they turn the day to nightmare. From sunshine to thunder, from spring to end of November. Absolutely demons

[@cynthiasmith409]

Check their friends and connections....they will be friends with only those people where they can gain something. For them it's all about what they can get in exchange for empty promises.

[@theblackandrew4119]

100% correct, sure way to spot one.

[@Freespiritedqueen]

Yep. Correct

[@G.G.8GG]

Oh, yes.

[@Storm11117]

Not necessarily, I think they will do for others but only out in the open if it makes them look good to others, or helps them keep the facade of a good person. It just doesn't come from the heart.

[@yesits_me2]

​@@Storm11117true, they might aswell just use this person as a "ticket".

[@Thatonechick778]

Yes. A lack of empathy. I used to think it was because he didn’t know what to say, but came to realize that is true.. but it’s bc he had no empathy for anyone but himself.

[@Brownmamalife]

Narcissistic will never care for your emotions and your feelings that’s 100% true .

[@sheemay4281]

and their eyes are just blank... blank stares... it's like staring at an empty room...

[@StarCoded]

People need to be aware, these players will mimic kind words and phrases they've learned. They will ALSO STATE that they hold certain associated traits because they know the power of verbal suggestion (lies) when the target suffers extreme naïveté and/or grief, loneliness, insecurity, or poor self-esteem.

[@yesits_me2]

​@@StarCodedExactly. When they realise that the person knows about their true intentions they kind of go into a panic mode to try to keep their innocent kind facade so they say exactly what you want to hear, since they want to have you stand there like the Bad guy. Trust me they will never let these roles reverse.

[@BeautyAndHerBeasts]

Well thanks for spilling the beans. Don't think for a second true Narcissistic people don't study, "normal" human behavior to emulate it. Its actually where they excel. They've been doing it their entire lives!

[@RollEyesDeeply]

A narcissist has absolutely no emotional or mental connection to you or who you are…they see themselves and their actions as something completely separate from you. They will not validate you and are very good at convincing you that your subjective reality does not matter to the objective (their definition of reality).

[@landy952]

Not the covert narcissist. They’re usually charming, polite and everyone loves them. People wont even believe you when you try to explain how they treat you

[@pnwnewsinfo]

They can't put themselves in your shoes. Total selfishness.

[@rue_777]

A dark empath can. We just choose to not care

[@pnwnewsinfo]

@@rue_777 We are talking about Narcissists. Generally speaking Empaths aren't Narcissists. That would be a contradiction that can't exist. 👍🙃🙏

[@Alex-ny1qg]

Honestly i havent met one person that has ever put himself in a position of another. Especially with women, never seen this happen unless its their child.

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

But they want you to put yourself always in THEIR shoes!

[@anonymous06329]

Narcissist's can act nice and friendly at first though

[@KG-bliss]

They have to, it's the only way to pull you in...and when you are in, then the games begin...

[@ijeomanwichi1242]

You are right, its a slim line one has to be careful

[@Inanothertimeandspace]

They totally can, but this woman is right. Tell them about something that happened to you and see if they have genuine sympathy for you. Really watch them - they don’t actually give a shit. I told someone my brother died 6 months ago and he made it all about himself and the people he’d known who died. There is no genuine compassion whatsoever.

[@elgrs5756]

There are clues though. They love talking about them selves and turn everything about them.

[@celissewillis9399]

ACT is the key word.

[@shonaharris5008]

They don't take responsibility for anything

[@hannakruszewski3317]

Yes, nothing is their fault! If they burn food it's a stove fault! 😂😂

[@ok.s4830]

Accountability... Is what they lack most.

[@patrickd3349]

I was seriously injured in an accident. My new narcissistic GF Never visited me in the hospital, never once asked how I was, and only brought up her bike accident from 10 years ago over and over. Sigh!

[@anitapricecheck9554]

yeah they don’t like it when someone else is getting more attention

[@mikegs400]

Wow smh

[@coolmatrix15]

Are you still with her? 😮

[@eisenhower9069]

You miss your ex don't you

[@KelNash]

Many narcissists get off on “nurturing.” They love being the hero. They can seem wonderful for a long time. It feels like kindness at first.

[@marjn1030]

They know how to act before marriage though after marriage they show their true colors. Dating is the stage and reality is the committed relationship or marriage. In dating you must ask God for discernment to know when someone is acting or is genuine before making a important decision 1 Corinthians 13❤

[@JusticeTheBull]

There is also a tendency to humiliate people and call them the narc when they are not.. a broken person will stop caring too

[@Gasta1983]

Narcissism became a new throw around word for any undesirable behavior))

[@nuez23747]

They don't accept a no and when you criticize them they will take revenge

[@ledam2654]

Not everyone who empathizes with you will crinkle their chin. Seems more like a personal quirk than an actual rule.

[@1soulinafishbowl]

If a person has good personal boundaries, they can listen without taking on the emotion of the other person.

[@scurvyelephant333]

Yeah that’s kind of a random litmus test w/ the chin thing. Lol

[@8BSJ8]

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. I try to listen intently & I don’t think my chin is the focal point. It’s in the eyes. Honestly I’m getting a weird vibe from this lady. If she were a hair client of mine I would be cautious of her trying tactics to pry & then have a confirmation bias. People that tend to be too involved in psychology tend to project often their perceptions onto others from my experience of working closely with the public. Basically, self expression is individual but kindness is universal. The truth is in the eyes.

[@Onheart444]

When I was young my chin would move when I felt uncomfortable or upset for others and I completely forgot it, im an “empath” with way better boundaries these days and I don’t have that happening but I remember when i did!

[@noanoa8991]

I’m actually a very empathetic person to the point where I absorb people’s emotions (which is often painful) but I never touch my chin

[@Alright70]

I fell off a ladder once and my ex didn’t even get off the phone to be sure I was ok. I still stayed because by then I was so run down.

[@Jenny_Rose_]

Once I got cracked over the head and was in pretty severe pain. My ex couldn’t care less. I thought I was being sensitive but now I know my fiancé would be all over me making sure I was ok. It’s obvious when they don’t care. He was a textbook narcissist. Wish I had known what that was back then

[@sheaholloway9537]

So sorry you went through that. I watched my mom go through that behavior from her husband. I pray all those hurt find support and love.

[@Jenny_Rose_]

@@sheaholloway9537 thank you so much! I’m so sorry for what you and your mom went through too! I hope she’s away from him now

[@sheaholloway9537]

@@Jenny_Rose_ Thank you. After 30 years of suffering, and he suffering on dialisis, God took him.We have been healing and growing as women since his death (6 years ago). Life's good. We just want all people to know the signs. Blessings/empowerment to you.

[@shubham3813]

A narcissist will always perceive other people's empathy as their own win and that will show in their behaviour. Also they deny their own behaviour and distort facts to hide their weakness. The most important indication is they fiercely protect their perceived social image and do not want to be seen as vulnerable or wrong.

[@johnthomas2743]

Trump provides an example of what a narcissist is, every time he speaks. He doesn't care about the country, only about himself.

[@bluebird6300]

Wow!!! My ex narcissist used to mock my quivering chin when I would get upset. He couldn’t be bothered 😢

[@boobopish]

The most important part of your comment was ‘my ex’ good for you for getting out. ❤

[@erics8757]

To be honest, I don't think a non-quivering chin is a good indication of a narcissist. I'm quite sure many people can empathize without the quiver. You may display that , but don't think that if you don't see it they're a narcissist.

[@giftofthewild6665]

​@@erics8757 yep autistics may not naturally chin quiver (although most learn to mask and act it out anyway like they act out most expressions) but they still feel empathy.

[@msgirl01]

Glad he's an ex . Sounds so mean

[@bluebird6300]

@@msgirl01 lol, I’m far enough to say he’s meaner than a mad rattle snake 🐍

[@dorasneddon774]

There's a pretence at caring sometimes, but what they actually care about is their image and advantageous situation (of power over you) being compromised by a hurt partner finally snapping and leaving or publicly shaming them in some way they perceive as deliberately wounding their ego.

[@HopeInGodEvangelism]

Love in general is all about caring for the other...Is an act of giving not always what you expect in return...that's why you have to love yourself first and the woman or man you're becoming before you can radiate it to someone and a whole lot of people.

[@Ashley-id2cb]

Not sure about the chin thing, but very true about the lack of empathy thing. They literally cannot put themselves in your shoes, nor do they care how you feel.

[@kerrymartin7557]

That's the part most people can't wrap their brain around!

[@Gasta1983]

They can put themselves in your shoes, and understand what you feel to better plot their strategies.

[@deec411]

Been there, done that. Got rid of that. Found a prince yayyyy ❤❤❤

[@rianaleroux7618]

They show kindness to colleagues or other ad the inute they're away their true self cones back with spouse and kids ... why people can't understand that you want to leave them

[@Kaylin_h]

Excellent point bc IF they want something & to be up someone's butt-bc they will reward them w $$ or their ego in way the want- but as soon as it isn't coming--they will drop them like hot potato! Most people can't give as much as these ppl need esp forever & they just look to catch a ride w the next victim- while the ppl that they are family with are treated like slaves who barely eeak out a non- hateful tone. The more difficult ones are the -not quite narcissistic ppl Ppl that can have empathy- but it's very small or when the get older sometimes. But the part that is 3 out of the 5 narrcistic traits- are Still too awful to have a relationship w. I Mean You Better Have An arsenal of positive supportive people & yourself is included. I feel there is so much selfishness w Abt everyone I know. It will show up in even the best cover -up bc they just Can't keep it up forever, but the good ones can hide it for 6 mos- as a friend-not a relationship. - but it will crack- as soon as it becomes difficult esp.

[@wildcatalert]

That's a good catch ! But look at her!! The eyes , the smile, the calm voice, the good energy, she clearly looks like a very kind and nice human being! Lewis also! If you're not blinded by the external beauty or sex appeal of someone, you can actually easily understand if he is kind or not!

[@darrenmiller6927]

Lewis Howe is one of America's golden people. Gold. Often the content this guy puts out is full of helpfulness. Deep dives with great guests, he works hard to help others. I don't always agree, but Iove this guy! I Nick name him coach Howes. He's like a great coach calling me toward excellence. His intention toward us often seem altruistic. Often what he puts out is like a cool drink of water on scorching hot day. Gold.

[@lewishowes]

Big thanks for watching! I appreciate your support! 💯🙏🙌

[@user-ec1lf9zo4d]

Some of them are good at making you think they care. They will see you in a bad spot and it makes them feel bad for themselves that you made them feel bad. They will then do noce things for you so you stip making them feel bad. If it doesnt work, they will resent you for having a hard time because it made them feel bad.

[@nicolemjohnson]

Geeeezzzzz 🤯 this is sooo true! I remember admiring this as his “composure” when I went through hard times during our relationship. I missed my family so much and hadn’t realized he was the one who put a wedge between them and I. But every time he felt like throwing his little “poor me” temper tantrums his chin would look so damn forced into quivers. Crazyyyy!!!! I’m so thankful to be out of that manipulative cycle. One of the toughest things I’ve ever recovered from.

[@StarSnow1101]

Caveat: they’ll pretend to care. They’re great at it. Thats where your discernment needs to be practiced.

[@Freespiritedqueen]

Pretend is 🔑 KEY.

[@JF32304]

No kindness is a big indication.

[@janettekreulen54]

Covert narcissists can be really really nice to be nice to be true, I miss this in their conversation. He can be so nice for many years till he gets you and you marry him he turns the day he has you, he starts saying nothing to you, suddenly you are his prey for harassing , most of it is talking and makes you upset

[@ilhamchelabi395]

This what happened to me. He flipped on day 1 and am in shock ever since. Iam divorcing him now. My marriage was very short. Am in a mess.

[@Freespiritedqueen]

​@@ilhamchelabi395same

[@ue2267]

@@ilhamchelabi395i was in same situation as you. I was legally married to him for only 6months before I filed for divorce. Almost a month into our marriage he did a complete 180 on me. I was so incredibly confused and ashamed of myself because I thought I was a terrible partner for making him behave that way. He was mean to me in private but appeared like a sweetheart in public. Very soon into it, I came to realise he had severe psychological issues. My ex is definitely someone who could be diagnosed with NPD. The biggest mistake he made was sending me death threats. You bet ya I broad casted these. Everyone was shocked that he would do something like this. Always record and keep things for proof because people like this are great actors and can turn your own family and friends against you if given the chance.

[@frenzy3132]

It happened to me...

[@MegaMarVerde]

@@ilhamchelabi395you will be fine but first it will hurts. Unfortunately these things happens all the time.

[@ijazahmad2174]

I differ with her opinion.... every human being is a mixture of characters/traits. From Narcissistic to paranoid to schizoid to obsession and sometimes depression, anxiety, hypochondriac to psychotic elements.... as a result of our internal milieu/hormonal changes and can also be the effect of our surroundings. It's completely normal, unless one of the character/trait surpasses a certain limit and remains there for a longer time/standard time irrespective of the circumstances, then we consider it a disorder that need further evaluation and management.

[@brunalop2000]

But when you going on a date is almost impossible to detect a narcissist. Because they are master of deceiving. Pay attention on a perfect date. They pretend they like to listen. Man that talks for hours on the phone. But when they talk about them they are the best.

[@joannegoodreau3014]

Ask a narcissist to change or modify their plans and you'll know.

[@JoshxIZ]

Yes

[@sulagnah]

Righttt

[@hotdog9262]

too simple. many are nervous wrecks

[@Gasta1983]

Spectrum people would go nuts too. Everyone trying to reduce a whole personality disorder to one simple trait, it is not funny anymore

[@knowbetterdobettertv]

I bashed my face into a wall and sent my mom a picture of my sollwen black and blue face.... She called me and laughed. Said it was her coping mechanism. Funny thing is she's never laughs when she hurts herself. The proceeded to tell me I laugh at her in similar moments.... Not when u physically hurt yourself only when it's a funny fumble. Deflection is a great tool..... No empathy whatsoever. But will do nice things for others for the praise.

[@hallieshouse13]

So sorry your Mother is like this to you, must cause so much confusion when a child is raised by a person like this. You have to unravel all the mess. I have a problematic mother. Heading towards no-contact soon. Because she just will not change. Some say cannot.

[@RapmasterY]

'i think you are just imagining your pain' that i of course really felt and he would just dismiss my experience. and i still love him.

[@JoeleenKingi]

They can be kind, if it will serves them too. But it wont last long.

[@Freespiritedqueen]

Seen this for myself

[@jtb8155]

They can put on a facade for years, if they want to.

[@JoeleenKingi]

@jtb8155 yes that's true 👍

[@donnahaynes2325]

Am9ng all the comments, telling them "no" seems the best indicator imo. I've heard it before, then seen it in action, and its true. Thay do not like to be told no by any means.

[@janebraun4482]

It is the 'feel' that you don't get when you are talking to them, they are too busy being about themselves, maybe even trying to seem impressive to you, like too much, maklng themselves look good to other around, but not really seeming to notice or care about you.

[@Totajee79]

Spot on! Everyone should have this taught to them as a number 1 rule!

[@denisepeer7621]

Ask them how many long term friends they have. Usually, narcissists don't have very many friends, if any.

[@rafaelacastillo5073]

Exactly! They have no long term relationships. They have no friends or close family members.

[@MissDragonflies]

So so true, and will say you use too many friends or family or make up stories to keep you away from anyone theirs and yours.

[@L.Fontein7]

Yeah my ex narc used to comment that I had long-term friends and he had none, which was indeed true. Sadly, two of those three long-term 'friends' I will soon be ditching because I'm seeing more and more traits in them that I saw in my ex covert narc. I finally figured out that when you interact with people who you believe are your friends, but after the encounter you feel sad or badly about yourself, then it's time to move on.

[@Christine-KJV-Naomi]

Trauma survivors don’t either from Narc abuse

[@keeplookingup1111]

A narcissistic actually enjoys the pain someone else is having so it definitely doesnt show up in their chin.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

A person who enjoys your pain and not retaliating, is called a Sadist. Narcissists aren't sadists.

[@L.Fontein7]

My former narc had a goatee so all bets were off.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

​@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Nsrcissists can definately be sadistic. They enjoy other's pain and being in control of other's emotions.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 I only enjoy getting you back when defending myself. Diagnosed narcissist here. And I’ll be happy AF too.

[@psychzone494]

They actually do show you kindness and that’s why you fall for them …..

[@sheemay4281]

that is true... unfortunately... it's just a matter of time that their mask will be removed... and the discrepancies and inconsistencies and the toxic pattern will show... time is the true test

[@helicionasat7356]

My ex-boyfriend pretended sensationally to be kind and caring. We met at work and had a fairly short relationship, so I didn't know anything was wrong. Until the first time I cried in front of him. I felt like I had a statue in front of me - he wanted to hug me, and I unconsciously jumped back and said he was pretending. He didn't even deny it, just said he didn't take my pain seriously, because he himself had recently cried. He broke up with me immediately which started a year-long wave of attacks, insults, revenge until he changed jobs. A veritable nightmare to deal with such people.

[@mb.3353]

They really dont care when you show them love their ego pride and just live their life only for their own selfish reasons nothing about you and your love and kindness and care it does not what you did for them they show you ungratefulness and will appreciate their friends especially women niceness like that but when it comes to you who does everything to please them you seems nothing in their presences they just dont care for the ones who care for them

[@Janeandtarzan007]

Everyone has narcissistic tendencies. It’s part of the human condition!! We all have insight to ourselves ( hopefully) but our world revolves around ourselves, point is, some people lack empathy, kindness, and are self centered. These traits don’t work in a relationships!!

[@ok.s4830]

While your comment is 100% true... Narcissist are a bjt more dark and sinister. And there is a Huge Difference between being narcissistic and being a Narcissist!

[@Faith-to5mp]

Unfortunately sadly sadly unfortunately 😢 I pretty much know all the narcissistic personalities. 💔 Without reading or researching anything. If recognized narcissist in your life...RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

[@ijeomanwichi1242]

Great one to spot out and keep safe from narcissist.Thank you Lewis for this podcast.

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

[@ijeomanwichi1242]

@@lewishowes Most grateful always.🍸

[@Giovan267]

This is very helpful, thank you for sharing this information. Don’t want to fall in the same mistake trusting the wrong narcissist woman again😢

[@lewishowes]

Glad this was helpful for you.

[@startrekker188]

Damn! I just dealt w/a covert narc was mind blown bc I never would have guessed it in a thousand yrs! We had a huge blow up and they made assumptions named called and made accusations out of what I didn't say!! Like WTF?!? Dropped the F*cker on the spot! 😂😂

[@sheemay4281]

exactly! mine went on a long speech saying stuff that he thought I was thinking .. that i was conniving behind his back, and how i was plotting stuff against him ... and he got so mad at me for that... I mean... i told him... dude I don't think like that... just flabbergasted

[@L.Fontein7]

​@@sheemay4281Yep - 6 months ago I broke up with my covert narc of 13 years. I finally figured out that all the rotten stuff he was always accusing me of doing - were the exact things that HE had been doing behind my back all along. That's how these despicable folks roll.

[@zzjustamiragezz]

So sorry you had to go through that. Had it happen too.

[@artaashiku2828]

Very true , they have Zero Empathie what they are hurting you . Only for themself they care

[@maralfniqle5092]

They go overboard at the first year to convince you they are kind

[@christiannilsen2835]

Took me three years to understand that ”I don’t care” was not just being difficult and rude, it was literally the truth…

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

But they DO show kindness lots of kindness in the beginning. Learn to LEAVE when they stop. It was just an ACT!

[@Sandra-q5m9c]

Absolutely.Truth , I was 4 years with narcissist, They don't care anything about you 🥸 Only cares how painful they are. How tired they are. Spiritually physically Mentally extremely tired 😫 It's very sad being around them😮

[@undermoonlight4849]

They CAN empathize and care, but it requires active empathy and putting themselves in your shoes. They're incapable of passive empathy.

[@sheaholloway9537]

I cannot remember who described niceness as an LA person who stops and sees a person with a flat tire and says, "ohhh, you have a flat tire, hope you can get it fixed." And they leave. Kindness is a New Yorker who says, "ya got a flat tire, damn, you don't know how to fix it? Ugh. Alright. Give me a minute to fix it for ya." As a Californian. That is sooo true, most of the time.

[@MySiamesedreams]

So many men have beards that we’ll never be able to test this

[@noanoa8991]

My ex would always touch it, all the time! I figured he was a covert narcissist

[@jeanlives6032]

🎉 I'm confused; does the Narc touch chin, or does the caring person with empathy ?

[@cindylewis7072]

@@jeanlives6032the lady in the video is saying a narcissist person chin does not quiver when hearing bad, sad or disheartening news from someone else. She is stating “normal” peoples chins quiver when this happens but that’s debatable. PS I am not a narcissist. 😂 I just haven’t ever see anyone react like this when hearing bad sad news. Maybe a child. But not an adult. Maybe all my friends and family are narcs. lol. 😂

[@sebibence02]

Test on woman then we've got plenty of narc woman amongst us. Although I can assure you this video is a bunch of nonsense.

[@captainbarbosa6567]

​@@cindylewis7072 I grew up surrounded by them, worked together with them, dated them etc.. They are very cold but some learn to show empathy in words, they've learned to mimic it, but you feel it's absolutely not a match with their energy. What is lady is talking about, the chin quivering must some empath stuff. 🤷‍♀️

[@Plethorality]

Not all of us have faces that display emotions. Autism is not narcissism.

[@giftofthewild6665]

Most HF autistics are smart enough to mask and act the chin thing to show sympathy when someone expresses their pain.

[@annerison]

Thank you. I was going to comment that Autistic people also study and mirror others, but it's part of masking, which is a coping mechanism developed during early childhood. It is not at all the same as when narcissists do it. Their intention is to manipulate, coherence, and control.

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

A quick way to find out is tell them “no”…

[@Goawaypleasenow]

Tell them no then sit back and watch the silent retaliation.

[@jtb8155]

That works, but usually not in the beginning. They can be very good at being the most incredible person you’ve ever met, and putting on a facade. Even after there are signs, they can again put on that facade to reel you back in, if it looks like you’ll bolt.

[@Woman156]

Trust and believe 💯.

[@Woman156]

If or when you tell them NO, get ready. All HELL is coming 😮.

[@Woman156]

TO SAY NO IS THE REAL DEAL BREAKER

[@fmed2412]

That’s absolutely not always the case. Sometimes it’s quite the opposite. They show like they care too much or love bomb you