The One Where I Read Chapter 1 of OUR BOOK - THE GREEN DRUID (GODS OF AEVUM #1)

[@jessicabowen98]

Congratulations on making it this far! I know you've put a ton of work into it!

[@iWizard]

Thanks, Jess! We'll see what happens. :)

[@jessesanderson9279]

I did make it this far and I suppose the most encouraging thing I could say is, "I'd like to read some more.". Best of luck in your publishing journey!

[@iWizard]

Thanks so much. That IS the best compliment. If you feel like continuing on, that's all I can ask for.

[@laurataylor7103]

I love it!

[@iWizard]

Thanks so much! We'll see how much agents and publishers love it. haha

[@aspiringgoldsoul]

Awesome! I’d love to read more!

[@mrpopodopalis1056]

I look forward to reading the whole book no criticism I can think of.

[@iWizard]

Thanks so much! I appreciate it!

[@danielbujdos]

Hey! Thank you for sharing this sample chapter. I am not familiar with your channel, but KZbin recommended this video to me and I stayed till the end, so I may stay a while longer and leave some of my impressions here as well :) The prose was good, it had a nice flow, which is probably why I stayed despite the absence of an early “hook”. Maybe you have a prologue or a poem or some prophecy in store that will kick off the story and provide a hook, but if not, it might be worth considering adding something very early on, because it took almost 30 minutes before we got to some compelling action. We live in an era where you have to catch someone’s attention quickly, otherwise they will just swipe to the next available thing. The potential publishers are likely to look for an early hook too. My main criticism will, however, go to the plot convenience at the very end. When things finally started to get interesting (the scene of the execution), my excitement was ruined by the super convenient presence of a hole in the pocket, through which the tiny scroll could be pushed and hidden from the guard. I am asking - why? Why did you think it would be a good idea to use a plot convenience for such an important moment? Such a small thing, but one that cheapens the stakes enormously. Now I don’t trust you that you won’t use a similar convenience at every future occasion to get the plot going where you want it to go. I am much more interested in knowing where the story would go if the guard discovered the scroll in the protagonist’s pocket. What would happen to the young man? What would the guard do with the scroll? Would he hand it to some authority and they would start investigating the mysterious message? That would be such a cool turn in the story and it would make me hungry for another chapter. Now I am just disappointed, because it looks like lazy writing and already in the first chapter. Nevertheless, I wish you good luck in your writing and publishing journey and, hopefully, I will be able to read the full story soon! :)

[@iWizard]

Hi Daniel, thanks for listening to the chapter. Yes, we do have a prologue that delivers a prophecy just as you suggested. Also, I appreciate your compliments. We are hoping we wrote a book that is both gripping and readable. As for your latter point about the "plot convenience" that "cheapens the stakes," to be honest, I wrote it that way because something similar once happened to me. I was maybe 11 or 12 years old and I had some rolled up money in my pocket---money I got from selling something I wasn't supposed to sell---and my mom confronted me about where I got the money. Of course, I said, "What money?" And she said, "let's see your pockets." I remembered that I had the tiniest hole in my pocket. So I shoved my index finger into it, making the hole bigger, then pushed the money through, before pulling out my empty pockets. The rolled up bills trickled down my pantleg and that spared me from further scrutiny. Thanks again for listening, and I hope when the book comes out, you'll give it a shot.

[@someokiedude9549]

I really dug it, I liked the references to Socrates and Plato. Though I am curious to see what the story will be about, I was a bit confused on what was going on? Did our main characters stumble on this execution scene or were they already there observing it? Or was it a flashback to a different time? Perhaps I missed something while I was listening to it. But I enjoyed hearing you read it, good voices too. I’m curious to hear more!

[@iWizard]

Thanks for listening, Britton. Glad you caught the Socrates and Plato stuff. Yes, the place where Soren lives is governed according to the principles of Plato’s Republic. As for the execution, that’s simply the next thing Soren does that day. Maybe when he leaves Pilib I could have Soren briefly say where he’s going if it’s confusing.