The Paradox of Being Nice

[@drakkon2zshadowsz909]

I’m eternally grateful to my dumb 12 year old self who accidentally figured this out on a random day at the playground when someone called me wierd, and I replied “at least I’m not boring”. It’s a great core memory for me, even if I still don’t know where in my unfinished prefrontal cortex I had that moment of wisdom. Whoever you are, whoever loves or hates you, be yourself. Because I guarantee that for every person who likes the fake you, there is someone who could’ve loved the real you

[@reinerdrip4869]

Damn your dumb 12 year old self sounds pretty cool to me.

[@solanaheart]

Thank you so much for typing this

[@manueljulian3085]

Oh god that’s awesome

[@levimiller7642]

"it was a strange paradox of narcissism and self-abandonment." This felt so relatable

[@micahrobbins8353]

Seriously, it's like a constant back and forth between thinking I'm narcissistic and thinking I'm the worst. It's hard to know what to do with that

[@beautypablotamarini7315]

My mother. She died like that, recently.

[@prabhakarsingh6821]

True

[@rawonionanime9423]

Interesting. This isn't relateable at all to me. I think I know why. Buuuuut.... the reason is far too dark to mention. Long story short, when faced with certain death at a very soon time, you learn a very important life lesson that the man in this video took a lifetime to learn apparently.

[@levimiller7642]

@@micahrobbins8353 to me it's like I'm a narcissist in the way I obsess over my faults. I can't stop thinking about my imperfections and I wonder if anyone else has noticed and then yeah

[@racingneko]

"Just be yourself" that's the neat part, I'm not even sure of who I'am, I feel like Im everything, yet I see myself as nobody, I don't know if Im peaceful person, or if I have anger issues, I don't even know who I want to be, I just feel like Im walking around without a goal in life, just stealing oxygen from others

[@maslina4158]

Being specific person is about doing specific things. If you figure out what you are doing, why, and for what, you will probably find yourself.

[@mishynaofficial]

You can do anything and you are Kenough.

[@Sorax3_12]

You just explained how I've been feeling for years bruh

[@naw-_-]

​@@Sorax3_12 same this is real I feel like a paradox

[@unknownnn786]

Journalling could help you

[@riffz6065]

The Japanese believe there are 3 faces everyone puts on in their lives. 1 face is for the general public, one is for friends/family and the final is strictly for when no one is around, and that one is your TRUE face.

[@the_idealist.]

Just curious, where did you hear this from? Having trouble locating a quotation source!

[@bellmorningstar4226]

@@the_idealist.bump

[@leto1449]

even carl jung talked about this one

[@chrixnm4]

​@@the_idealist. That's the persona theory (not the game). It's about how we create different masks to wear through society, work, etc, just to hide who we really are

[@moon_wolff]

I have been telling people this for years and not once did I think this was already a saying. I kind of figured this out on my own going through life. Quite interesting in my book to learn about

[@fcmiller3]

I've come to understand that when I'm driving alone in my car, alone at home, on a bike ride is when I am free to be. I can act like a goofball or get angry, sing very loud, cry, laugh like a crazy lunatic. There's no one to judge me, criticize me, nor do I have to put a false face on.

[@joeeapen3398]

Very true, I completely understand, I feel I am free when I am alone.

[@Daniel-hp3tk]

I have this feeling when I'm alone in nature. Just as the countless trees, plants and grass sprites surrounding me; I am free to simply be this human with doubt, fears, hopes and all the other feelings that a human being experiences.

[@sh0tgUn_sYko]

24/7 false face.

[@1NTEN7ION]

​@@sh0tgUn_sYkoit gets tiring

[@aurokrishnaa617]

Be my friend?

[@joshswenson8390]

The idea of behaving how others expect you to is a common theme in your videos. I can relate. I don't often speak up when I disagree with someone. I hope one day I will.

[@nsuh6615]

Peace be with you 💐💐 now's your first chance: I think the moon is made of cheese. I don't, but pretend I believe that.

[@joshswenson8390]

@@nsuh6615 😆sorry, but I can't take this one seriously. hahaha

[@newera175]

You will brother. One day at a time

[@mendelson6052]

I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m overly assertive.

[@fa14fighterjet]

you can do it.

[@Psycheideas]

Really touching and makes you think. This video shows how sometimes, even after many years, we may not know everything about someone we care about. It's a big reminder to enjoy every moment and get to know each other better.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Reflect upon the Past. Embrace your Present. Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@BassForever44]

Well I'd say the point exactly is to have the humility to admit that we'll never get to know someone entirely.

[@darkcloud2982]

its about being real to ourself and reflect the same to others..

[@KucheKlizma]

Not really, it's just guilt trip marketing for people to pay for a service. To understand yourself first you must first understand yourself. It's that simple. 🤣

[@carlosr192]

''The society is too a brake...to yours selfish desires. '' The answer is the equilibrium between what you really are and the society demands. Step up when you can...with caution. Yesterday was all about others...family, home, company. Now is all about you you, you...there's a road in between, I guess.

[@hemrycky]

"That's not a good person. It's not a bad person. It's just not much of a person at all." Bro, you really made me cry with that video. So much thankful from Brazil, I loved it

[@Goodwillwinoverevil1984]

It's bad in a sense that he was trapped in his own body and yet he wasn't being himself.

[@samirsuleymanov2099]

"Be who you really are. There's still time. Use it!"

[@carlo.notcarlos]

powerful!!!!

[@1money785able]

@Thegingerbreadm4n fk society, the social norms that have been shoved down are throats are just killing our existence and uniqueness as an individual. If your parents at this age don’t appreciate you for who you are as well love them but from a distance you’ve got a whole life ahead of you. Don’t let them be the reason you can’t be happy, live your life King 👑 🙂 I hope this helps.

[@adityashrivastava1030]

Who am I?

[@kayminfan2109]

​@adityashrivastava1030 I dwell with this. These last words hit hard because it leaves one further question, how could someone who's lived their life conforming and morphing themselves possibly know how to be 'real'? To be ones 'self'? and that leads into your thoughts of ones identity and how to define it or even how to access a feeling of authenticity. Hard questions were certainly left out.

[@missinglinc2775]

You shouldn't give a flying cow about how people treat you, don't take it serious. be your true self and say what you do. don't act, be true. Another word of advice, don't be with people that do not respect you. "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr Seuss

[@Msmithjonesraven]

I remember the moment I started being 'myself' I lost many people who treated me badly but said they were my friends and I also gained a lot of respect from people who just knew me, now I can proudly say that people don't pick me apart and I am not butt of the joke as I don't play nice anymore. I always wanted people to think of me certain ways but with age I realised all this is just a facade where I want to feel superior to others and want to uphold myself according to MY moralistic ideals while looking down on others.

[@biilyblast64]

I've always had this idea that the only person who can say they understand what humans really look like on a day to day basis is homeless ppl... especially the ones holding a sign by a freeway exit. The plethora of faces and different types of ppl all going where they need to go at different times of the day. Some play music, some drive fast, slow, some have a fckd up car, some have the newest one, some ppl are drunk, some are old, some are angry, some dance n sing, maybe a baby in the back. but they all for the most part get to where they wanna go. The one time you're truly being yourself. Not thinking someone was observing you..

[@Bjaerkai]

​@@biilyblast64its interesting how people less fortunate than us are more real than we are

[@UnstableYT-u7k]

As someone who has nobody to talk to, I can confirm that I will die without having any conversation.

[@nicholasnoah413]

You can always talk to yourself

[@alanserjeant4947]

Likewise. Sometimes it's OK. Sometimes it Sucks. But it is what it is and I survive on happy memories. I wish you all the best.

[@johnross2924]

Same, my body will remain undiscovered until I start to smell 😂

[@Howeverwhatabout]

Can you find someone on-line to become friends with? Possibly someone who is disabled and housebound? Please reach out. Kind regards.

[@CraigStCyrPlus]

You lied and showed self-pity in one sentence. Congrats.

[@jonalee5262]

There's a balance to EVERYTHING. On the plus side of being nice, you don't really make any enemies who can potentially endanger you. You can also ask for small favors if you are close enough friends. On the negative side of being nice, you lose time for yourself and can eventually be caged by society's expectations, especially if you go too far in being nice to every single person around you. Always try to balance things. Of course, it's easier said than done.

[@WayneTwitch]

false being nice is how you make enemies cause your easy to use

[@Heikedin]

@@WayneTwitch be nice but perceptive, some people are out there to abuse it

[@WayneTwitch]

@@Heikedin My philosophy is this always get something out of someone first before you lighten up to them. I found many people that seem to think like me as well. They are truly dicks but as you get to know them they turn out to be super nice people.

[@Heikedin]

@@WayneTwitch My experiences were different, I was shy and lacked confidence before, but then opened up to people at work after being nice to them and it earned me friends who like to spend their time with me. But I was careful who am I investing in, if somebody was taking all the time and not giving back anything, then I just stopped investing in them and it still went okay, we weren't enemies or anything. I guess it all comes down to our luck with the environment we are in, yes? People can be so very different depending on the environment.

[@v000000000000v]

@@WayneTwitch Humanity is not a zero sum game, using each other in a healthy way benefits everyone. In game theory the most successful strategy incooperates the following 4 points: 1. Be Nice - avoid unnecessary conflict by cooperating as long as the other party does. 2. Be Retaliatory - fight back in the face of an uncalled for defection by the other. 3. Be Forgiving - forgive and go back to cooperating after retaliating to a provocation. 4. Be Transparent - Be clear about your behavior so that the other party can adapt to your pattern of action. This mirrors almost every type of relationship in real life that involves a third party, war, politics, friendships, marriage, and more. straight up not being nice is not a successful strategy, it's been proven number of times.

[@Kraken0000]

After surviving a serious illness, I can relate to that feeling like you're living through stolen days you weren't meant to, like you somehow cheated death. It's a surreal feeling. Almost like in some kind of afterlife, that life itself has become a dream. It eventually wore off after a few months.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Reflect upon the Past. Embrace your Present. Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@Lickmacake]

​@@Novastar.SaberCombateat more kitties

[@cloudhigh6582]

Try being chronically ill for 15 years and feeling like you should have passed a long time ago. It's an existential nightmare lol.

[@SideB1984]

@@cloudhigh6582it’s definitely different and heavier when it’s terminal versus chronic. I am living with both. Terminal illness forces you to face reality suddenly.

[@alineharam]

We are all living on borrowed time.

[@wolfmanflame12]

This has to be one of my biggest problems in life. The thought of having to cater to the wants and expectations of others instead of my own would have me lying down in a sort of a depressive episode for periods of times. I just really wish I didn't care, about what others think of me or what others expect me to want to do.

[@Naman_K2]

Us bro us , the more I think about my life the more I get to know that everything, even the smallest of things I was doing I was doing it for appreciation from the people ( sometimes people I know sometimes strangers) and when I can get appreciated it feels nice and when I don't ( when I go unnoticed) it feels bad but when I now analyse it in both the cases it gave me nothing it was me not being me and never felt that fulfillment doing all that

[@goncalomusic1296]

​@@Naman_K2very relatable

[@tanderson6442]

It's strange when you care more about others then yourself in such a selfish world. Some of us, myself included prefer to help people rather then helping myself. I'm not sure exactly how I benefit from it. Maybe it's purpose, maybe I just like being a decent person and it's the only way I know how to without feeling like a bad person. Who knows. But I do know things could be worse.

[@Goodwillwinoverevil1984]

It depends on the person for me. Generally, of course I would care enough not to get arrested or piss off someone bigger than me enough to get beat up or assaulted lol, but besides that, I say whatever I damn well please.

[@ReynaSingh]

“Suspect each moment, for it is a thief, tiptoeing away with more than it brings.” -John Updike

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Reflect upon the Past. Embrace your Present. Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@bluepopbubble6330]

I don’t understand. What’s the meaning or purpose?

[@frippster]

​@@bluepopbubble6330nothing. just have fun at the moment even if it for nothing

[@m2pozad]

This would seem to be counter to the video message, by suggesting that reflecting on the past is a net negative endeavor.

[@realrebelli0n]

⁠@@bluepopbubble6330 I don’t really know, but I feel like it‘s a „trick“ to make you alert and present, doubtful and intrigued, like a shortcut away from thinking leading into awareness, which is the road away from fear leading to love. Just my perception though.

[@imclueless9875]

"Then talk to me now. Let me see you. Be who you really are. There's still time... Use it." - (5:12) Man that part broke me.

[@zinzaneneli9310]

Me too, it really broke me.

[@happiness-wj9xf]

This is what we all need to be reminded of. Can't thank you enough for voicing out what I have been struggling with for the past five years perhaps. I really needed to hear this to overcome my insecurities and constant concern to be the perfect human in everybody else's eyes.

[@ArquaticDreamer1994]

One thing I was never told by my parents that could have been a whole world of difference in my life was being told that “it’s okay to make mistakes or it’s okay to fail, cause then we get to try again.” Or things like “practice makes progress rather than practice makes perfect” becuase the reality is no one is perfect everyone makes mistakes and people fail all the time and I started noticing with the kid I now baby sit her mother tells her that it’s okay to cry, and its okay to fail and make mistakes cause mistakes is how we learn but if you always make failure or mistakes out to be a scary thing for a kid like failure is the WORST THING that can happen then they will grow up being afraid to try at all or to do anything for themelsves. So whenever I hear my friend telling her two year old that its okay to make mistakes cause we get to keep trying again. It makes me really sad and happy and cry cause I would have really benefited if my parents didn’t make failure to be such a bad or awful thing like it was final or something or that I had only one time to try something and if i failed i could never get the chance to try it again. But the reality is there’s so much time in the world we have our whole lives to keep trying and to practice til we make PROGRESS NOT perfection. I will definitely be telling that to my kids now as I haven’t been already but I’m going to start telling my kids that its okay . And I’m only 28 years old I have so many years to keep trying to do something else again.

[@dings2962]

Why do human feelings have to be so complicated :(

[@R_ohit]

i read this in reddit it goes like this "whenever you feel so emotional and feel like those emotions affect your decistions think like - why you am i giving this emotion a importance? does it really matter? then in the end the logical part of you will win :) be mindful of your emotions." (forgive my english lol)

[@vectorlambda]

​@@R_ohit Agreed, but also a point: a person without emotions will not thrive: major depression is the prime example, every part is made to function. Normal sadness, happiness, fear. Like the movie of emotions that I forgot the name.

[@R_ohit]

@@vectorlambda indeed, emotions are healthy part of our lives. but there might be sometimes where we feel like these emotions are stopping us from doing our daily duty then we have to be more logical about it.

[@rileybrowne3982]

Not to come off as judgmental, but what would a simple human emotion be? Or what about a complicated non-human emotion be?

[@dings2962]

@@rileybrowne3982 for me a simple human emotion would be: someone screams at you, or does something objectively wrong and the other one is mad about it. Thats simple and easy and its clear that one side should just apologise. But most situations arent like this. And being capable of thinking so much about situations that are not clear and literally thinking all the time makes it so complicated and hard

[@swum95]

Didn’t expect to open KZbin and cry today but here we are

[@tachyontwo]

There there

[@slushyized]

Same

[@destinymoon4966]

Me too, I came here and was like hm I've been meaning to watch this and here I am wiping away tears and thinking about everything in my life

[@XSoultaker187X]

me too bro went straight to the comments

[@understanding77]

I recently had a breakthrough after realizing this about myself. I cared too much about how people perceived me, and I always want everyone I meet to like me. Once I realized that caring about how I’m perceived is holding me back from pursuing my dreams, and showing my true self, and the idea that I will not always be liked by everyone I meet, something inside of me changed. I immediately felt better day to day, and I felt a sense of relief.

[@b-6870]

So this video talks about how we are wasting our lives living for other people, to be good enough for them, to be the best in their eyes, to be the most successful in their eyes that we are losing ourselves and who we actually are, what we want. However, a paradox that I believe exists is, the ones who are actually massively successful in our eyes, actually did what they did NOT for us but for themselves. I have heard so many singers say their biggest hits were the ones that they didn't care about would do well and made it at a time they were truly themselves. It's like a weird paradox that even I have seen in my life. The more I am myself, I get the best of ideas, the best of opportunities. It's like this universe works in my favour when I'm being myself in my work. You can actually be the best in people's eyes when you actually try and be the best in your own eyes, in your own way.

[@nvmffs]

I don't see the paradox here. It's perfectly in line with the video message.

[@nebula_unauthorized3093]

I think it's more of a risk thing. Being yourself is a coin flip. For example if you're neurodivergent or something, then good luck lol

[@nothingtofind9099]

I watched a few stories behind the memes videos one after another of the memes that I actually liked and they seemed to have a common thread of it being staged fun and not taken very seriously but yet the image totally captured their essence and a message from their soul sincerely within it. In other words, these viral memes were popular because there was something real and relatable that was showing through.

[@jesushelps]

Agree with the take that by you being yourself you will be respected and sometimes even liked by others

[@easyblade3917]

How do you become yourself?

[@_stealth_313]

“a strange paradox of narcissism and self-abandonment.” Thank you for summarizing exactly what I’ve been feeling these past few years for me, I could never find a way to put it in words whenever I thought about it.

[@DWSP101]

This story touches home to me drastically. I only recently started to suspect I have ASD I know I have ADHD and I know there’s a high probability of other co-habiting issues. But everything in this story sounds all too similar if not identical to my ability to mask and it is painful that this video comes at the exact time when in my life I realize so many things that I’ve messed up done wrong and did not do right by myself or others And becoming self-aware of my own blight. I wish all those who are in agony or pain or suffering to be healed to find peace to no comfort to know a tranquil mind. This is extremely heavy for me, and I’m trying not to blabber, but to put it simple masking no matter what your reason is that a detriment to yourself and to others you wear the mask for too long you forget the person underneath that you starve then you lose yourself and you feel hollow because you no longer know yourself deep inside. I’ve always tried to be nothing but a good person but I did not have the tools the knowledge to be the best I starved my own needs and that’s my fault always try to put others before myself to the point that eventually I stopped giving to others let this be a cautionary tale. There’s no real reason to mask. I know some of us do it out of safety or courtesy or a sense of not wanting to hurt another person’s feelings but if you’re in a safe place and you’re masking, you’re doing yourself the worst I wish all of you the best.

[@Talmid.of.Mashiah]

I feel you, my friend. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself.

[@atomfiresign]

felt so much like this that at 47 i got tested - and got diagnosed with ASD... on top of my ADHD - it's worth the journey. Now even tho it's later in the game I get to look at my strengths and weaknesses for me and decide who I want to be. I hope you experience your truth.

[@DWSP101]

@@atomfiresign thank you I need more people like you brother in my life.

[@DWSP101]

@@Talmid.of.Mashiah thank you nice to meet you. I appreciate your words of kindness what I said really came from my heart right now. My life is in turmoil, but I survived no matter. What do you know what traumatic growth is look it up? If you don’t, I’ve gone through it growing in a way that I never would’ve grown, but still certain things fall short in the outlook is bleak with the situation, being vague for a reason but still, it’s nice to finally hear kind words for once I haven’t been accustomed or used to those for a while now. Thank you again

[@DWSP101]

@@HivemindApogee you’re welcome and I hope something I said made you feel a little bit more comfortable in your own skin.

[@juannsebastian]

I distance myself from people to confirm that i am not important to them. This goes to family and friends, if they do things like going out or just chatting. With or without me, i don’t really stick out. If am with them they dont mind, but if i am not it doesnt really matter to them, i am not missed. Its like my presence in that space is just like a chair or a wall. Sometimes i feel like i am just no one. I try to encourage myself to become more lively infront of other or become more friendly, i lost weight, i became more talkative and more confident in myself. But it feels like it doesn’t matter. Yes i made new friends, or thats what i think. I dont get invited to any social events. And When when i try to get involved it feels like i am forcibly getting involved in their plans. So i just distance myself from them. and just like that, it is like i know no one. This new years eve, i got one call from mom to say happy new year. Thats it. Not a single message from these so called friends. And you may just wonder. “You must be a really bad friend then” and i guess? But i did try hard to be liked, but i guess they didnt like that? I got told from someone i respect a lot, that when i talk to people i cared to much about them… so i guess its bad to cared about them. I am the one in the wrong? First, why is it so hard to make friends? And why is it so hard to keep them? I have to constantly remind people that i exist. Does anyone have a solution?

[@saucymgee9141]

Rough i get you bud.

[@ryanhodgman7828]

I'm guessing that you feel like you're faking it with people? Like you have to put on a show so that they like you enough for you to get by? I've often felt this way myself. It's exhausting. There isn't a trick for having people like you in this way. Sure, you can get better at putting on the show, but if it's still a facade you display you won't succeed in making the kind of connections that bring joy. The first step is liking yourself. Figure out who you are and what brings *you* joy. The next step is sharing yourself with others. Do things that make you happy while in the presence of other people, then focus on the people who reflect that same happiness back at you. Afford yourself space to be a little selfish, rather than constantly catering to everyone else. Amplifying shared happiness is what true friendship can be, and when it happens the relationship feels easy. For most people liking yourself is the hardest step. I recommend writings on Stoicism for advice on being okay with what is, before focusing on what can be. Remember, everyone's on a journey to find themselves, you are not alone. 🙂

[@idiotme5478]

I can relate to you so much ..

[@idiotme5478]

​@@ryanhodgman7828thx for the suggestion I kinda knew tht was my problem the issue is idk it's extremely difficult to except myself I think I do at one point and then crisis strike and I am back to 0 ..I don't know any of my interest or if I do I am good at none of them telling else abt such interest makes me feel extremely embarrassed.... Idk maybe these are also my excuses but i am seriously so confused and tired and exhausted of all this rn ....😭 I feel frustrated cranky and terrible talking to anyone don't even feel like trying anymore ...

[@alexanderjanke1538]

Wow finally a comment I can totally agree with and compare to myself. I searched for that in hope of finding someone who feel the same way. I am glad to read that I am not alone with that. I exist, but I don't get noticed. I feel alone on the world. In society, just overall. I feel the same way even with my family. I am there, but Noone really wants to listen to me so I just stay quiet. The dinner at Christmas was the perfect example again. I got asked about the job I can stay in, I explained something for like not even 15sec, got interrupted and noone cared about what I was talking. My family or relationship to them isn't really bad, but I also feel like a object randomly sitting where they are sitting. If I'm not in the same room mentally, just physical and not even if not, it would be totally okay for them. I don't get seen anyway.

[@max_the_mantis5173]

I lived for others approval for 20 years. I thought the alternative was death or abandonment, in my case, it was. When I lived for others, they pretended to love me, but they Despised the real me underneath the mask and their actions and words, the looks, what wasn't said, all of it proved that 'the real me' wasn't even an option. When I learned to love myself eventually once I'd grown up, after first very very slowly starting to recognize myself, the real me, I lost everyone, I lost everything, the moment I stopped serving their happiness and their comfort. The moment my existence makes them uncomfortable is always close to the last moment. I had to completely restart multiple times. Everyone Hated me, and do mean I genuinely believe they hate me despite how they pretend. But I loved myself, for the first time ever. I get frequently harassed now that I'm not hiding myself anymore. People tell me I'm an r slur, they tell me I'm crazy, and psycho, and schitso, and more. They treat me like a waste, like a defect, a mutant, or a glitch, like I never should have been born to begin with. That's how people see the real me. Because it terrifies them. But I love myself. I love the real me. I worked really really hard to have just that. And no matter how much they hate me and treat my existence as a crime and a sin. They can't take my love away now that I have it. Now that my spark is my own, not there's, in choosing not to hide I understand I will be misunderstood, possibly for the rest of my life, and that their Hatred IS the price I have to pay for no longer hiding my existance. I used to hate myself more than any of them can even imagine. I never thought I'd live past highschool, I thought I'd kill myself. I was disowned on September 16th 2022 by a narcissist. I'm frequently harrassed on apps such as Instagram to the point of seriously considering giving up on using social media some times. But no matter what they take away from me, they can't take my love away from me. I will never let them, never again. The reality is, my story is not rare at all. It's not my fault either, it's not even new, it's been happening to people like me for hundreds of years. But it's covered up with sharpee, hushed over, and invisible. An invisible struggle affecting 100s of thousands of young people. And when we stop hiding. Some of us our killed, abandoned, or die. But I'd rather be dead and abandoned then keep living a lie.

[@tajellyfishxo]

I can’t even describe how much I relate to this. I was eating while watching and I had to stop, I wasn’t expecting at all that this short video would be this deep. It was so touching. It made me feel better, heard, safe, not alone. I was tearing at the and, so emotional. Thanks

[@onionlayersed]

This has to be the best thing I've watched this year... And I'm going to be watching this over and over again... Thank you so much...

[@jackywei7130]

This is so relatable. I do nice things because I want others to perceive myself as a nice person. Others might see me as a nice person or some, but only I know myself that I am not. I'm not even genuinely being nice, I just wanted them to treat me as one. For me there are only a few people in my life that I am able to genuinely care and do nice things to them FOR their sake, not mine. Yeah, this is the paradox of being "nice".

[@GrapeKoolaidJaMR]

This channel consistently BLOWS my mind. I’m serious I almost have a lifestyle/personality crisis every time a video as moving as this one comes out. The appreciation I have for Robert Pantano’s work is immeasurable. I hope these videos bring families and friends together and make them closer by exploring what it means to be human ❤

[@EasyVock]

Remember that you can still be yourself and still be nice and likeable. There will always be someone who loves you for who you are.

[@delikatessbruhe9843]

I think being or finding your "true self" is overrated and/or impossible. Everything I am when I am with specific people, the small changes in my voice, my demeanor, my comfort depending on who I'm with, all of that is me. None of it is the full story but neither is any of it not "me". "I" am the sum of all the roles I take on in life, a sum that can never fully be experienced by anyone, including me because I can never see myself from the outside. Stop trying so hard to be your "true self". It is impossible for you to not be yourself.

[@ml3141]

Thank you for that! What the person in this story is looking for does not exist.

[@teamacio9043]

True, maybe the problem with the person in the story is that he did things other people liked and wanted him to do and say, not what he wanted.

[@Lickmacake]

Your true self is lying in the VR bed in a parallel world and here you're avatar is experiencing only the illusions. Only difference is there could be no respawning.

[@legitplayin6977]

Damn, I’ve been struggling with for quite a while now and this comment genuinely helped. Thank you

[@laurenceteal4799]

But can any understand your concept? I agree it is impossible to be a "true self" but I'm say eventually it will be possible like how we thought we couldn't go to space or under the sea. Frankly I simply a dick who want to challenge your opinion so you can go beyond the initial idea.

[@rubycubez1103]

This is such a perfect depiction of those feelings. The illustrations. The words. It brought the tears. Only ppl who have actually experienced these thoughts and feelings will truly understand.... everyone else will just say "just be yourself then" or "who cares what ppl think? I dont care what they think!". I see through that fake confidence and I get angry that ppl dont see the truth of social conditioning and relationships. It seems simple to them but its a lengthy process to truly get to that point.

[@ДарьяСидорова-ъ7у]

I don't care what people think. I am myself. If I cared and pretended to be someone else, I would have much more social interaction. The truth is, only my cat keeps me company. So, you make your choice.

[@misshell.truecrime]

I watched this video when it first appeared, and it changed my life. It helped me get over some old wounds and let myself bloom. I still struggle a lot with caring and people-pleasing - but I try my best to rediscover and redefine who I am. I don't shift in order to be liked, I don't do the right things in "the right way". I would lie if I'd say that I no longer care how others view me, but at least I try my best to not give it too much importance. Loved this video 💖

[@bilalkhares9337]

Man do not often have the luxury of being themselves completely because we are always critiqued so much and so rarely loved without very strict conditions.

[@enigmasage6665]

We can only hope that someone will love us the way that Kate loved him. Beautiful video, I cried

[@angelportillo5942]

I cannot thank this channel enough. I’m in a pool of tears right now with a lot of self awareness but this is something I needed to hear! Thank you so much, God bless you and anyone who reads this.

[@Sktdez]

I’ve done nothing but self reflection these last few years as I grow older… learned that everyone I know only knows versions of me, and all different versions. Is it narcissistic? I’ve never thought of it that way, thank you for this perspective, maybe it’s time let my walls crumble and become who I should be and not what others want me to be

[@kaylirainn8827]

that you for putting this into words for me Brotha 🤗,

[@serena2003]

It's completely normal and good to act different among different people, and although some of your version's may feel more like yourself, all of your versions is you. However, being your "at-an-awkward-dinner-version" where you have to think about everything you say, is ofc mentally draining. Being yourself is when you don't think before speaking, you just speak your mind without filters. It is naturally more fun, takes less effort and social energy. That's why it's important to have some people in your life that you feel like you are much yourself with. Because it will make you happy and make you feel like being with someone is actually more comfortable than being alone. And, if you feel too drained after social gatherings, then maybe you have to learn how to not think too much about what people will think of you, so you can be a little bit more yourself around people (still, not 100% yourself. Just a version of you that's a little bit more yourself). Which means, not over-thinking about what to say all the time, and speaking your mind a little bit more.

[@yamizaki7]

I cannot describe to you how completely accurately you have explained this, I have dealt with this war with myself my entire life and I am only now starting to be free of it. Just like your experience, these oceans of feelings and thoughts that are so nuanced and specific are so incredibly hard to relate to other people and then even when you do finally find words that you feel will get the point across, others can have a really hard time relating, putting themselves in those shoes, or even wanting to empathize because it can just be too much. For me this drove me to a level of isolation from my own wants and needs that nearly drove me to suicide. After getting married and finding out she dealt with some similar issues we had the hardest year that we've ever had in our entire lives. Constantly reminding myself not to give up wasn't even enough, If I hadn't turned my whole heart to God I very well might not be here. Despite everything though, we worked, cried and loved together through it, and no matter how hard it got we were committed to take care of each other. Neither one of us victimized ourselves unnecessarily, or tried to get more from the other than they were willing to give, and although not everything is perfect, we made it out of that mess and both of us are in a better position physically, mentally, and emotionally than we have been since we were kids. Don't know if this helped anyone or not but I just thought I'd share, God bless you guys.

[@Inckman452]

This one hit close to home. Eff you for making me cry and thank you for making me think.

[@merthex7464]

Oh my god... the whole thing was like horror to watch because of how relatable that was. Im scared to death and dont know how much longer i can last. I have seemingly nice life, you know.. some friends that care, family that loves me, my health is good, im not living in poor and i like to think im quite inteligent. The point is that im just not there. Inside of my head is just pure chaos. Its like being trapped in a box filled with water when you can catch breath just a little, just as much as you need to stay alive but in reality its just endless drowning. Desensitized to emotions after the everyday selfhate and struggle it feels like its even relieving to just drown once and for all. It feels like it but in reality I know that would completely devastate people that are closest to me and I can not cause them such pain.

[@rajeshwariraj4246]

I feel the same way. Feels like life is passing through me, in front of my eyes. I am there, present, but not really there. Like some machanic versions of myself is experiencing all this. The true me is somewhere very far from the physical me. I can't even put this feelings to words. The drowning part you mentioned is what touches home to me.

[@HeartEllis]

Please don't use God's name in vain ❤️ He loves you very much ❤️

[@IMSLIMEFR]

fr

[@TheYeetedMeat]

@@HeartEllisthat's what you're concerned about after reading this?

[@rkoff5744]

You didn't give up on yourself and I really appreciate that. Even if it's not the whole picture, I appreciate you. Thank you for trying to break through that fake wall you and we all have. This is for the creator of Pursuit of Wonder and all those that fight.

[@xxGreenRoblox]

This is clearly somebody else's story I'm not sure how you missed that

[@Tachastasiia]

It resonates with me so much - that I felt like I am the dying person in the video I've been having therapy for the past couple of year and now as never before I feel sorrow for the person I use to be. I am sorry for the kind that felt like being herself was something shameful and inconvenient for other; I am sorry for that kind that always was cautiously monitoring and screening everyone's mood and well-being, overseeing herself; I am sorry for not existing for such a long time and feeling that I haven't had even right to exist; sorry for pushing this crying child into the backroom every time, because it felt inconvenient for others; sorry for her not having properly ready and competent parents at the time, who could support and be there for her. I am here for her now. I am on my side. I am still on my journey to experience fully myself, but now I see much more and I can help much more.

[@rennoc6478]

For people who feel that they have no one to talk to. You still have time. If there is still time there is still hope. Utilize all of your resources, google, peers who you know but are not friends with, therapy if you feel thats what you need. Keep on trying, keep on going, do it to spite the universe who trying to keep you down and say no. Say yes, go outside, take a jog, google activities in your area that is done in groups. Just because you’ve may of heard advice like this before doesn’t mean it’s not useful. Keep on going until you find what works. Just like the video said, “you still have time, use it.”

[@munch1385]

Sometimes being a good person to others is being a bad person to yourself

[@captainkern3595]

I’ve been stuck in this situation for longer than i can remember it starting. I’ve tried to talk to people about it but to no avail. Trying to be “the real me” has only led me down more of a rabbit hole, not being able to define myself. I’m restarting therapy soon, I hope it’s worth however much it will cost, I try not to think about prices much

[@tallyz9106]

No one will ever truly know who they are. No one. Its just that some people are not self aware enough to even think about who they are. Don't worry about it too much just be good to yourself and take care of your self

[@kingawe6772]

@@tallyz9106That is very well put, and luckily for me, extremely comforting.

[@pikaeevee4182]

I’ve been experiencing something similar. I know I have not been fully honest with people. Sometimes saying things are doing things just because I know that’ll make others happy even if it isn’t how I really feel. But now I realize, I really wasn’t comfortable being myself around people. Of course I was still me, but I did not feel safe to be honest, it be vulnerable. The reality is that you are yourself. You don’t have to find yourself. You just have to remind yourself that it is OK to fully express yourself; to admit your faults your mistakes and your successes to others. And people will actually find you more relatable and feel free to open up about themselves as well. Some people may not understand why you’re changing but that’s OK. You just have to ignore them. Because you’re finally on the journey of focusing on you! Which may seem selfish, but it’s actually better for everyone around you too. I find that I am able to be truly loving, kind and caring now that I’m truly becoming myself.

[@yourztrulyandy]

I've always thought that being "too nice" was always just a classification towards me because that's who I am. But that's not who I was. I get hurt, I get mad, bothered, annoyed, sad, but never once in my life have I ever said the word "no" to someone out of the fear of being judged, losing that title of who I am, but as time went on, that definition is being selfish. I later learned (and still learning) that its okay to say no as long as it benefits you. Your not a bad person for not wanting to do the things others expect from you, your peace is more important than anything else in this world. Love who you are, even with the mistakes and flaws, turn them into something powerful and beautiful

[@paulrw5168]

I’ve been missing your deep thought provoking videos!!

[@bradesters3802]

I always thought I was going to die before I turned 18, I am now 19 and coming to terms with my life and the role I play in this world. I have been questioning myself and the way I am through the perspective of others my whole life and I have to say, watching this video made a big difference in the understanding of who I am and why I am me.

[@8xnnr]

What role do u play

[@CatEnthusiast-gr3cv]

Oh well, maybe next year.

[@doggycatalan]

​@@CatEnthusiast-gr3cv💀

[@Budgetof636]

@@CatEnthusiast-gr3cvbro😂

[@coprilettodelnapoli5466]

​@@CatEnthusiast-gr3cv😂😂😂

[@ToughTimes462]

I love your writing, it shows that one can write a story with depth, and make the audience care with only a few thousand words.

[@Equilibrium13]

I remember when it clicked for me, that being so concerned about what others thought of me was actually selfishness.

[@alexullrich5694]

This video perfectly aligned with my own recent breakup; I know his feeling so acutely. Im very thankful to have come across your writing today, and I just want you to know how much it helped

[@Vijaypall_96]

This gave me shivers with everyline and hit me like a train. I'm going to go through the journal. thank you.

[@Hivatel]

This story was both quite nice yet sad to hear. Since for me, I have been free nearly as long as I lived. My mind has never restricted me, and it probably never will. My choices become instead of "not speaking up", it becomes "I choose not to speak up". Taking responsibility and credibility for your own actions and choices, rather than allowing yourself to be swayed. Knowing that you are free grants you the freedom to do anything. You are you, nobody can make your choices for you. You alone decide what to do. Trust in yourself.

[@PawsNDWhiskers]

There are many videos on exploring yourself, but this video contributes in a very unique manner. It perfectly gets the message across and all the emotional sentiments along with wearing all those masks, for the person wearing the mask, for loving a person who is wearing this mask.

[@jms_masterpanda6543]

This is so relatable... The only time I could actually express my true self is with my best friend and my mother, school is suffocating being a goody two shoes to make my image presentable.

[@qdochasnain]

My eyes began to water too, by how hard this hit home

[@Jstin.f]

I love this sm And i can relate to this, ever since i tried to improve myself by being nice to everyone, the more that i care about what they think of me, the further i am from my real self.

[@CJYOLO66]

The way he talked was almost exactly how I would. I feel almost the same but just a different perspective. My mind i split from decisions.

[@lokiko119]

Always doing things to mostly fundamentally only appease people to the extent of not even realizing what you really want is an unsettling realisation if experienced. Just as always, such a positively impact full content!

[@johnnypixel3763]

This is the kind of video that has the potential to completely change your viewpoint of humanity and how many of us feel like we’re all just filling a role at every facet of our lives. Never “Us”. Wow wow wow

[@drewpanyko5424]

I love to hear a version of this in which the patient had not tried to be so likable and people-pleasing. How about a version in which the patient was not so universally loved by everyone he knew? How about a version in which the patient was in fact disliked by many who knew him, and had regrets about how he managed to alienate so many with whom he came into contact? I'd love to hear some reflections on a life like that. Could there be any comfort in the end, for one who looks back on his life wishing he had been less resentful, and more grateful? Frankly, I'd find that much more compelling (and relatable).

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Reflect upon the Past. Embrace your Present. Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@lorianne5330]

A good point. A version of someone alone, introverted, awkward.

[@SaintTrinianz]

Yesterday, I died alone in an alley. No one knew. No one cared. The end

[@lorianne5330]

@@SaintTrinianz That's becoming the new American epitaph.

[@nettewilson5926]

Yup. I have suffered hard rejections my entire life, from almost any group I’ve ever tried to be a part of. And even from close friends who decided that I wasn’t someone they wanted to be around anymore. Never knowing why. But knowing that the common denominator is myself, not the people who found me unappealing. At least if a person wanted to be liked and succeeded at that, largely, well, that is something. And to have had a long and fairly successful partnership/relationship with another person who is holding your hand at the end…or to have had lifelong friends who are there for you? That is hardly heartbreaking, other than leaving a good life too soon. But to have failed miserably in every kind of relationship and then die alone and lonely: well that’s truly sad.

[@liyameladze2761]

this has probably changed my life...

[@animeandwieardness6132]

I'm reminded of the story where the man watches the last argument he had with his wife because that was the only connection to her. That one had me crying so hard that my wife had to ask what was up. Your content is soul fire, homeboy!!!

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Reflect upon the Past. Embrace your Present. Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@Oscar4u69]

what's the name of the story?

[@animeandwieardness6132]

@@Oscar4u69 I'll get back to you!

[@Lickmacake]

​@@Oscar4u69Sex and the city 2

[@epicshinji9258]

@animeandwieardness6132 can you get back to him already😡

[@hariyu8375]

This is really me... Thank you for making this video. I know im stuck in this loop but, at least I know that Im not alone.

[@dannygonzalez6548]

Beautiful story as usual. Sending my love to you and all who consume your creations.

[@iDazedHD]

This is very relatable. I love the artwork and the message. It makes you realize that being who you are isn't selfish

[@ItsReallySizzle]

This was amazing. Not gonna lie a lot of time I observe the kids that are growing up in my generation (2001 baby) and i realize how much the guys tend to put on a form of a facade in a way and kind of reduce their specific personality traits that make them, them. And its sad to see sometimes because I believe the world could be a much more genuine place if everyone had the thought in mind that being yourself is the ultimate form of fitting in. Because no one can be you better then you can

[@HeavyRaccoon17383]

i see motivational videos like these then i change myself or rather explore myself more just to then get back to being worried about who i am who i should be and what people think i should be. i’m tired.

[@thomascrownrg]

Contemplating mortality, the inevitability of death is in my opinion, a vital part of being able to truly appreciate life. Nothing stays the same. Nothing lasts forever... and that's alright.

[@dumbchicken3340]

“Don’t be kind for a reward or out of fear, simply do it because it is the right thing to do”

[@VincentsVideos]

wow I've just been having epiphanies about how I've masked my whole life and this video really hit close to home, man.

[@sobersaber494]

This is such a hard pill to swallow. Ive been diagnosed with bipolar 2 2 days after christmas 2022, and stigma after stigma, i made the effort to fit in, be liked, look 'normal'. Im working hard to enrol in nursing sch next year, and ive been basing myself on what my doctor, my workplace colleagues think of me, making sure i look 'normal'. This video made me cry, realising how i am losing myself trying to be liked.

[@MaximillianVictorMeredithKorob]

That was beautiful, cried just a little, thanks Robert

[@Cartation]

This has changed me on a deeper level.

[@IzumiChenmeiru]

I feel like John, but instead of wanting people to like me, I just do things that make life less uncomfortable to live, which generally means that I try to make other people more comfortable and stuff so they don't feel concerned about me. I don't like interacting with people, even people who are close to me and that I care about, on a REAL level, it hurts too much, and it already takes all I have to just stay alive for the sake of other peoples' comfort. I've tried to find things that I could care about to try and find something that could make it so I could live for me instead of others, but nothing like that exists, at least for me. It's like another of Robert's recent videos said, "Life hurt to touch, and so naturally, you stopped holding onto it so tightly."

[@i.h.1446]

I never knew or believed I had a doppelganger. Very nice to see you, Izumi. 😊

[@Daisy-Lover]

I love this video. I wish one day people will speak up about what's wrong and that it's okay to disagree with someone and have your own opinions. Be yourself. Say what feels right but don't do something that's actually wrong. I've always told myself to be kind, not nice. Honesty is important. Never be quiet.

[@apexNo1re]

Wow that last sentence hit hard: “Then talk to me now. Let me see you. Be who you really are. There’s still time. Use it.” 5:13 Because it applies to everyone!

[@takuma359]

yeah imagine he said something like “i’m secretly a n@zi”.

[@maxijay8979]

it hit very hard... really triggers something inside me

[@goncalomusic1296]

My eyes suddenly watered when I heard it

[@ThomasMeredith54]

I relate to this entire life too much. I’m in the midst of wanting to leave my friends because all I do for them is act nice and I get nothing in return besides temporary dopamine and compromising my own health, safety and comfort just so that I am liked. I would rather be alone and die alone that be on my death bed having lived my life being nothing more than a people pleaser. Good people are a dying breed so I might as well stick to myself and stay away from the drama,clubs, drugs, parties and everything else that is a cheap excuse for an escape. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of always being dragged into things I know and were told as a kid are morally wrong and are harmful to myself. I only joined the Group because I never had friends my entire life and i thought I needed validation from a bunch of abusive junkies. Watching this made me realize I have to live my own life before I end up as just a walking Carcas and loosing myself. I no longer need the cheap thrills and the occasional feeling of being told I’m good enough and I belong and all of these things that make me feel as if I need approval from them. I wanted the approval and I went out of my way to not let them down because I cared so deeply and so much but now it’s not even worth it. I never got to see my aunt before she died because I was forced into going out with them and I didn’t have a choice in it. All I’ve done is people please and watch myself suffer for it

[@dannygonzalez6548]

My teenage son had a mental breakdown 2 months ago and unpacked YEARS of buried thoughts, feelings and emotions. Essentially he ended up receiving psychiatric treatment and therapy. Before completing his treatment 2 weeks ago he began joining me on Sundays for church. He's so fully invested in his faith. The day him and I agreed that treatment was the best chance of him getting his mind right, I told him he was going to change lives with that decision. My life being the 1st. People we encounter whether for better or worse are part of the role in who we become. Faith in God has always determined how I receive these encounters. Listen. Don't judge. Have faith and be thankful IN all circumstances. Pay attention for God's presence or you may miss it.

[@doggycatalan]

You must be a great dad

[@jadeflowers4850]

Yep, I can relate to this. I came to realize (while healing from years of trauma) that most of what I did was to make sure that other people liked me, to try to remain being a good person because other people would like me more. Everyone wants to be liked to some extent but when you need to be liked because you feel you aren't good enough, even if you aren't at the point of desperation to be liked, you start to cater who you are to everyone else. Until who you are is not even you anymore and you aren't being a good person because it is the right thing to do but instead because of the strong fear that if you were who you really were then people wouldn't like you, you would go away and be alone. Then you become trapped inside that space, you are defined and caged by the labels and needs of others. You don't know it until you become free of it, then you see how deeply you were buried inside that hole. However, I think that some people assume that you can't really be a nice person, because nice people are only nice because they want to be liked. I think you can be nice but you are just nice with boundaries. That means that some people will think you are a dick because they believe that putting up a boundary and not catering to everyone is being selfish and unfair, other people who have healthy boundaries will understand that you are a whole and complex person and that not all parts of you will be pleasant and that there will be days when you aren't at your best and days when you have a lot to give and share with others. Anyway, I took way too long to say all that.

[@ml3141]

It is a mistake to search for an imaginary separate "real self".... There is not such a thing as a "real self". What we are is a product of this universe, this earth, our environment, our community, or friends, etc. Not separate of it. This person spent his life well, yet waisted the last days of his life searching for an imaginary real self.

[@mersimoyjenbere2650]

This just made me rethink everything man

[@williammarriott6131]

Until you get the bad news you just won't ever "get it."

[@vladislavkaras491]

Man, that is so relatable! Thanks for the video!

[@Kingcobra6699]

I like being nice since it's my temperament and since you can get very far in a more subtile way. I try to avoid being to nice like the plague, though. As soon as I realize that people don't behave approbiate I confront them, in a nice way of course. And that used to work quite well. I cannot imagine that I am considered a people pleaser, although it's what I do... Edit: I work in IT where disagreements are settled by discussion. In another environment where the better fighter would win my skills probably don't get me very Far. But probably even then it might help since people will sense that I am authentic, I am not nice to be left in peace, I am nice to leave others in peace. Once people understand that your kindness will not be mistaken as a weakness.

[@ThatsWhatSh-HEEHEE-Said]

I could never convey with words of any finite language, the relation, I myself, felt whilst hearing those words.

[@lazarkrstic3257]

I Fear that in my death bad, it wouldn't be me who lived, but my persona.

[@jonb6564]

I've become the thing I feared the most. A nobody with nothing drowning his sorrows in alcohol. nothing to do, nobody to love, and im running out of hope. thank you for the inspiration.

[@Hawkenshmire]

Being whole is a big part of life but society wants us to act a certain way. Being able to have a job you want to do shouldnt be hard unless youre not cut out for it.

[@tlanca]

What a well made video (visually), you set a great scene, and the dialogue is perfect. You encapsulated a conversation where the man, placing all this recent thought into his life, now resides more or less content with his understanding of himself and is leveled with his response. Facing so much shame (of some kind) over the past year reconciling his life and putting himself through that hurt, to so soon to his death, forgiving himself was his path to move on. For the woman (or anyone in her shoes), her side of the conversation stems from her emotions at first the traves as she slowly understands the situation and his needs. You even did a great job of her interpretation of what she thought he needed to hear. She went through the stages of feeling hurt, blaming, listening to understand, partly understanding, assuming giving comfort was the next step to give, then re-evaluating that her understand didn't need anything besides just that. Marking this exact point in time from all that was recent and forever before, and moving forward with him in the now and what is left. You have so much emotional intelligence in other people emotions and their reactions from them. Though that can be a burden (least it is one for me that I am finding my own ways of addressing), it is a skill that can do so much good and you are sharing that skill to help in such a great way. My own story: It wasn't until I went to my first emo concert (with a few drinks) when I was 32 and just let myself sing and scream lyrics and dance that I realized that I had been slowly closing off parts of me since middle school to make sure I protected my reputation. There is a balance. I still protect my reputation (likely more than I still should), but I also allow myself the shrug off others judgement even just a little more to let my passion show itself a little more. Great Video.

[@afaqahmad5856footballreal]

"It isn't because that we have lack of choices. It's because we have to many." -Anonymous

[@marellenavarro3932]

Just like the last few conversations I had with my father in hospital rooms before he passed. I miss you everyday dad :(

[@myfunkyspace]

I've been able to come out of the mask I've created over myself. Turn out some people didn't liked the real me. It was difficult , seing people go after realising who I was. I made them believe I was someone I was not, just for their approval. I was the deceiver

[@danielbraf1674]

I’m not even lying, this video is life changing for me. I have always been a people pleaser who tried so hard to be liked and approved by everyone. Now I’m a senior, graduating in like 3 months and going on my own path. I hope I will stop living as a version of me and just be myself in this new chapter.

[@robertapascal6962]

I recently snapped at a coworker and didn’t apologize the day after. That is a big deal for me. In the past I would feel so awful for being myself. The person still talks to me and still jokes with me. I think he could tell I was not in the mood for jokes.

[@ethanisnotme]

the trick is to be nice about asserting yourself. you can get your way, express your true self, AND be polite while doing it. it’s a delicate balance like many things in life, but it’s possible

[@Gary-o9t]

It seems that the real reason why that character wasn't himself (and a large part we) is that a greater fear motivated him. Fear of gaining scrutiny or contempt, fear of losing people in your life ( whom never really was yours in the first place), fear of losing your job because you're not falling in line with rest of us sheeple but above all else, the fear of the unknown and his doubt in his ability to cope with the unknown struggles that brings. The same fears that keeps most of us in place. This is the default behaviour for the overwhelming majority of a functioning (at least from society's standpoint) human being.

[@atherline_yt1978]

I'm glad to know im not alone in living this way. Sometimes it gets so tiring and stressful though that death seems like peace, but i remind myself that ive still got things to do, like fighting to be recognized by others.

[@bigd5080]

Then at that moment at the end when Johns wife says “There’s still time. Be who you really are.” John says……. “I’m Joanna. I’ve always been a woman.” 😂🤣

[@Nacho_05_SC]

I get the feeling of freedom when i'm on my motorbike. Other than that, i just feel like I'm confined within myself, trying to make everyone else happier