The Problem With Asexual Representation

[@OtseisRagnarok]

the infantilization of Ace characters is probably the thing I hate most, honestly.

[@TheSapphireLeo]

Also this.

[@ewwpoorpeople5684]

I mean, the erasure sucks a lot, too. I'd argue it's about as bad.

[@pranavlimaye]

Yes, if I could change one thing about the ace rep we got from Todd, I would make it a bit less infantile. That sort of rep would be perfect

[@yolotsinxochitl9645]

@@pranavlimaye I wish he ended with Yolanda instead of Maude, in part, because of this. We had in them the two stereotypes (the childish one and the emotionless one) and it would have been so cool if in the relationship they learned from the other and grow up together to become a balanced couple. Also honestly I just wanted to see more of Yolanda because she was super pretty and (because of her species) an indigenous mexicana so a super cool representation of a POC woman fighting with the hipersexualitation, specially considering her family.

[@alishaanimations3058]

Ahh I’m an ace attorney fan! Also..what is infatantilizzaskdkd?

[@canniblanch]

My favorite thing about Todd's asexual depiction is that he too dated different girls before finding the one, like het couples do. I often find most writers lump a queer character with the only other queer character. I love that BH accurately depicts that just because they're both ace, doesn't mean they're compatible. Todd ends up in a much more fullfilling ace relationship instead of forcing himself to date the axolotl just because they're both ace.

[@solsystem1342]

Side note, I really want to see more ace people in happy relationships with allo people. Like, let's get some relationship anarchy and/or other types of polyamory up in here and show (for instance) me, a lesbian, can be in a qpp with my partner who is aro/ace. I love them very much and they are probably my closest partner even beyond my romantic relationships or fwb. We don't need romance or sex to find a person we care deeply about and want to stay close to for our whole life. Ok, rant over. I just hate the frequent assumption that ace = unlovable for allosexual people or that aro = unlovable for anything other than sex🤢 Platonic love exists for crying out loud. Let's even see an ace person dating a monogamous allosexual person like grey/demi/positive/neutral etc exist and I'm sure sex repulsed mono people find life partners as well.

[@Lucky_Dagger]

I think my favorite part of Todd's arc exploring his asexuality was the Axolotl introducing him to her family it was like a comical extreme of "growing up in a sex obsessed society" and even though they didn't end up together it was just so silly and light hearted but still relevant to the experience of coming out to family especially when they have expectations.

[@xKayges]

Thank you for clearly separating asexuality and aromanticism. I see these two concepts mashed together and simply called "ace" so often, and I think the distinction is incredibly important. Even inside these communities there can be felt a pressure to identify as "aroace", even when you're just aro or just ace. Aro people and ace people deserve to feel accepted within these communities for being true to who they are.

[@Splatsuma]

^^^ 100% this we need more varied aro representation and activism!

[@azulBjort_1406]

Completely agree, it just turns out that it sort of had a opposite affect on me😅. So I've identified as ace for a few years now but I just wasn't quite sure about the romantic thing cause because people keep mushing them up a the same thing, and giving that I'm also pan I figured that it was indeed just an ace thing. It wasn't until just a few weeks ago that I've come to the conclusion that I'm actually both ace and gray aro (and pan✌️), since after having gone through months of "ace" panic at school since the topic of dating has become more prevalent, has made me realize a the panic that I've been experiencing doesn't fully qualify as a ace panic since it's not just allo stuff that they talk about, there's also romance stuff which Ive realized is what has been causing a large amount of the panic, as in aro panic. The fact that my dream relationship is something in between of a platonic and a romantic relationship, like that romantic trope of two flatmates that are more than just flatmates and it's obvious to everyone but they just chill as flatmates that just do soft stuff together. ✌️

[@lv4519]

Exactly! My aromanticness feels extremely disconnected from my asexuality yet some people use the terms interchangeably because they don't understand the difference between the attractions :///

[@pikameer8325]

Exactly this, all it does is hurt both communities. While there are aroace people, shout out to you guys out there, they should be defined as such in media not just called "ace". Honestly I really just want lesbian ace rep >.

[@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.n]

Agree, especially as being just aro is so often not even recognized and I never even realized it could exist on its own without asexuality until I realized it probably applied to me and explained so much about me I thought was just me being bad at human relationships

[@helene8854]

Sometimes, I feel bad because I'm both asexual and autistic and if I tell people this, it's usually pretty hard to get the nuance across, that these two experiences don't always have to be linked. Then, I feel bad because I just unwillingly reinforced stereotypes. Great.

[@leaf5549]

SAME

[@lucikka3674]

Same here :') You end up feeling like you're pushing the whole 'disabled people shouldn't pass on their genes' thing and it sucks

[@forestarden4406]

You aren't perpetuating a stereotype I promise. You are all real people, and your identity is not a stereotype. It is not and never will be your fault that people lump two identities together. I am autistic btw and also on the aromantic spectrum. We are not harming anything by being ourselves, if anything we can help show that people are different by being ourselves and sharing our experiences, showing how even if we do "fit the stereotype" the stereotype is still wrong and not all of us share the same feelings about sex and romance. Hope this made you feel better, I'm so sorry you all feel as though you're doing something wrong by being yourselves

[@amdete8254]

Late but you can’t reinforce a trope bc you’re a real person. That only happens to fictions charcaters

[@AuggsieBoggs]

It sucks so much, I have a bunch of traits that are purely individual to me and sometimes when I tell people about one I can SEE the cogs moving in their head and I'm like NO. THERES A REASON I PRESENTED THOSE TWO THINGS SEPERATELY.

[@shelbymachado8712]

Bojack doesn't get enough credit for having not one or two but THREE ace characters with all vastly different experiences/energies. The "sex farce" episode as Rowan puts it was such a cathartic thing to watch. My allosexual friends were like "oh my god. this is. so much. all the time." and I'm cackling like EXACTLY.

[@madeegaindraws]

Todd, maude, and yolanda! gotta love em!

[@joebaumgart1146]

Ace men are seen as broken, while Ace women are seen as prudes that need to be conquered. The main issue is the lack of asexual writers. Allo's quite simply just don't get it. It's completely alien to them for someone to be repulsed by sex. (I'm sex repulsed Ace, I can't speak for your experiences)

[@narimdraws6696]

aspiring writer here, who happens to be ace! I agree a lot, there should be more asexual writers within the writer community who'd give us the actual good asexual representation that we need :) hopefully one day I publish a well-written story while representing the ace community

[@NothingHumanisAlientoMe]

@@narimdraws6696 Genuine question, isn't the existence of an asexual consesus a challenge to the concept of "sex as a good or essential part of human life"? And can't the inverse be respected as well? Do you think asexuality lives in tandem with our current cultural enviroment in the west of hyper-sexuality?

[@LL-tr5et]

im a sex... sort-of-repulsed ace! and a writer. i totally agree. and the men and women thing was right on the nose. i have never written a sex scene in my life. ive read more than the average middle-aged white woman has, but trying to write them just feels wrong. i wouldn't know where to start. in this way, i also havent really made proper asexual representation, because _everyone_ is basically asexual to me, and i should probably fix that.

[@LL-tr5et]

@@NothingHumanisAlientoMe maybe it is a challenge. the meaning of life is, after all, reproduction. but at the same time, we are straying from that more and more. not everyone has to reproduce for our species to survive anymore, or even wants to. in the same way, not everyone has to have sex. we are not broken, and we are not the only ones to go against the ways of life

[@narimdraws6696]

@@NothingHumanisAlientoMe I second what L L said, actually! I don't think asexuals go against anything. Allos and Aces can coexist together as far as I'm concerned. Plus, as we're reaching the maximum capacity of our population as a species, I think that asexuals are crucial to our growth as humanity. There might be more points I'm not stating here, since I'm in a slight daze from having just woke up, but here you go! :)

[@CapriUni]

As a *physically* disabled aro-ace person, I can affirm that it's not just autism and asexuality that gets conflated. And that's one of many reasons why it took until about five years ago to even discover that I am ace. Because all through my childhood and adolescence, my friends just assumed I lacked sexual attraction from the time I met them, so they a) never asked about my experiences, and b) (to be polite) never talked about their own in my presence, so I had no reason to compare my own feelings to the cultural norm. Sometimes, being an embodiment of a stereotype can have its advantages, even when that stereotype is all wrong in different ways. 😉

[@phelllandborn6478]

Wow, I never thought about this. Thank you for sharing. Being immersed in "invisible disabilities" (cognitive, primarily) as they say, I think it can be easy to forget the experiences that those with visible disabilities must face, and that's... well, not good enough, to spare the sugar coating. Thank you again, friend, and be well.

[@CapriUni]

@@phelllandborn6478 And it can be easy for people with visible disabilities to forget the experiences of the neurodivergent folks and others with invisible disabilities. We very rarely cross paths, growing up as kids, because our access needs are different, and so our communities are segregated. ... Until, that is, we grow up, and confront the ableists who want to use us as props in their morality plays. We ride (and write) at dawn!✊♾🏳‍🌈♿ ✍🏾

[@phelllandborn6478]

@@CapriUni "We rarely cross paths, as kids growing up, because our access needs are different and our communities are segregated." You are just chock full of insightful treasures, aren't you? Not only this, but as groups, all manner of demographics that are identified by their disabilities (or alternative functions) by those I affectionately call "normies," tend to be viewed primarily in terms of being the "needy ones" while normies consider themselves the "helper ones" so that we end up separated from one another by all the normies that assist us. Obviously not the intention, but circumstantial segregation nonetheless. Again, I had never considered this aspect of reality, and thank you for pointing it out. I imagine intersectionality of physical and cognitive disabilities in individuals must present some pretty unique challenges for such a system. I should mention though, one of the primary problematic characteristics of invisible disabilities is that they so often go unnoticed in children and adolescents, only getting diagnosed and treated when people reach adulthood and find themselves unable to assimilate in whatever ways. Basically, the whole lack of representation issue we tend to deal with as aces, but more directly relevant in terms of medicine and healthcare. Personally, I deal with an intersected group of cognitive and developmental disabilities, in part due to an abuse history that was characterized by neglect. Even the one very physical condition that I was born with that very much affects my ability to work and function as an adult in society, wasn't diagnosed until I was 23 years old and already covered in massive quantities of scar tissue due to years of not being treated. My abuser was convinced that children had no reason to validly complain about pretty much anything, and so any expression of pain or illness was a clear cry for attention and nothing more - thus it was punished and I hid my physical illness in shame until I had a manager threaten to fire me if I didn't go to the hospital. To say the least, the aspects of my health that didn't produce such apparent evidence as nonhealing physical wounds, all got diagnosed much later than that with the exception of depression (go figure, right?) So with a string of diagnostic labels attached to me between the ages of 23 and 30, I only as an adult have even found any sense of community based in support for these struggles and this is apparently a rather common occurrence, especially for female bodied people due to the general failure of medicine throughout history to actually study female bodies for any reason not directly related to the female reproductive system and fertility. That said, I'm sure the opposite end of the visibility spectrum isn't any better. Maybe the solution here, begins in what we are doing right now: communicating across socially existing barriers and finding that common ground as humans. I genuinely feel as though you have opened up my mind to what I had not been considering, and for that, I am grateful. Best of luck to you in the march toward a better world for us all!

[@zk5228]

And of course, a physically disabled character expressing interest in sex is often played for laughs. So despite the character in question being allo, the disability = asexuality stereotype is still reinforced. Of course, jokes like these are used against other groups - fat people, the elderly, Asian men, etc - because it's 'funny' when someone considered sexually undesirable still desires sex. Again, the implicit message is that 'sexually undesirable' people are asexual, and for them to be otherwise is silly or unexpected or even threatening. So there is a kind of socially imposed 'asexuality' that's designed to keep non-normative sexuality quiet. Society is only comfortable with these people if they're performatively asexual. And of course, this hurts asexual people as well because it treats the orientation as a punishment.

[@CapriUni]

@@zk5228 Oh, absolutely! This is even codified into public regulations, as disabled people (in the U.S., and I think the U.K., too) will lose their social security disability benefits if they even *act* as if they're married to someone -- and benefits agents will ask around the neighborhood if others perceive them as a couple -- if they share a magazine subscription to the household, etc.). Because if they were *really* disabled, they wouldn't be in an intimate relationship like that, right?

[@FlyToTheRain]

I think for me Catholic school made discovering asexuality complicated. All of my schooling life its just constant messages of sex is bad, save yourself for marriage, protect virginity at all costs... and then you graduate and become and adult and the messages suddenly shift to you should find a husband and have babies. I didn't see much of the big deal with the first part because I never felt strongly about dating or anything but once it shifted to the second part, it took until I was comfortably in my mid 20s for me to be like... oh, there's a reason I don't vibe with that.

[@kmjc1213]

This is literally me (except I got to go to public school, yipee). I spent years wondering if I was actually ace or just full of Catholic guilt.

[@NoiseDay]

Yeah, I thought my sexphobia was entirely religious but I've been agnostic/atheist for 10 years and I've still never kissed anybody, so...

[@Pan-optic]

I'm not fully ace, but I absolutely relate to that experience. I didn't really feel any sexual attraction until my mid-twenties (probably because gender-related stuff made me quite disconnected from my body) and I just... didn't notice. Like it was an actual shock, suddenly being like "oh! Sexual attraction is a distinct feeling?!" I thought I was so morally superior for not getting into dating and sex in school. Turns out no. Just had no drive.

[@ezraf.7759]

For me it was a cocktail of "save yourself for marriage"/"lust is a sin", awful self esteem/body image, too introverted/shy to make friends let alone lovers, "you're a minor why do you even care", stereotypes of straight men being godawful in bed, and being hamfisted all these horrible consequences of unsafe sex from a young age. It really didn't seem like much to look forward to. Hell the first thing I learned about sex is that babies come from it and I wanted *none* of that shit. At the risk of a TMI: if masturbating doesn't do it for you, neither will sex, so why bother(other than to please somebody else)?

[@katyscott87]

@FlyToTheRain Protestant here, and same. My asexuality was definitely convenient, while growing up in purity culture. As a young adult, however, I started feeling like I was missing the boat. That's when I started realizing my asexual identity. Also, I like to refer to that shift as the 0-60 myth. (As in 0-60 miles per hour) Our entire life growing up, we were taught that sex is bad, wrong, gross, sinful, evil, inappropriate, etc... but as soon as you're married, it's this beautiful gift from God that you'll enjoy & be good at (despite having intentionally not paid much attention in sex-ed because you're a good Christian teen... that is: if you even had sex-ed)... and that you somehow won't feel any guilt, shame, or regrets about it once you do have sex with your spouse. (Hetero, of course) So: on your wedding day, before the ceremony... it's a bad thing. On your wedding night, after the "I do"s... it's a good thing, and expected. (And then it's "when are you having kids?")

[@Nicamon]

What I hate the most is not only that there is very few and/or very bad asexual representation,but also that *every-single-time* a character is asexual it's *also* portraited as aromantic! I want to see characters who *DO* fall in love,who *DO* want to hug and snuggle and kiss with their crush but don't want to have sex! Is that so difficult?!?!

[@noPotatoesAtAll]

THIS! also, allo/aro represenation, or even acknowledgement, is so scarce that i literally cheered out loud the one and only time i found it

[@zipperooni]

fr, not every ace or aro is aroace (happy for aroaces gettin rep of course though) and all sides of the spectrum should be represented my panace heart needs ace characters who like romance

[@Nicamon]

@@zipperooni It's not even that difficult,really,you just need to represent a regular love story and cut the sex part...basically you just need to represent a"family-friendly romance".Why is it so hard?To represent a love story _without_ showing or implying that the 2 lovers will have sex at one point?🤷‍♂For all I know,a lot of Disney couples could be asexual(minus the ones who had children and even those...look,we know _for a fact_ that in the Disney Multiverse babies are brought by storks...just saying...)!;-P

[@nuclearcatbaby1131]

It’s rare for both to be romantic asexual, usually at least one is romantic allo. I myself am scared of romantic relationships just because I fear I will cause a demisexual awakening in the partner.

[@nuclearcatbaby1131]

King Chicken from Duckman is portrayed as romantic but he has no idea what sex is and when his wife shows him he’s repulsed.

[@wegotthechoccies]

Ace men (like myself) are portrayed as 'broken' or in need of fixing/help'. Ace women are portrayed in a similar way, but they are also the ones who always get the 'you just haven't met the right person' comments. Aces aren't broken, and we can certainly still feel love, and a lot of ace people can still feel some kind of sexual attraction. We don't need to be fixed.

[@temin2776]

Well, actually I know asexual girl who feel broken.

[@wegotthechoccies]

@@temin2776 I'm not trying to exclude asexual women. I was relating the content of the video to my experience. I'm sure ace women hear similar bs

[@temin2776]

@@wegotthechoccies My good sir, I didn't mean that. I just want to say that, if we talk about representation, it turns out that representation is needed for almost every single person on Earth. I am personally for creative freedom. You see, you can come up with a character with a character about which they will say that there are no such people, but it turns out that there really is such a person. Does he not deserve representation? This is a joke, I just think that everyone is a little crazy about representation now.

[@cloudyskyz2237]

@@temin2776you come off as someone who isn’t part of the communities who NEED representation. Am I correct on this?

[@temin2776]

@@cloudyskyz2237 Well, you're wrong. I'm not part of the community because I don't want to be part of the community at all. It's as if something I possess automatically makes me part of some abstract or not-so-community. But I also have a need to see a character similar to me. I just don't let this need override the rest of my beliefs, you know. In fact, if I had told some of my characteristics, perhaps I would have been automatically assigned to some community, there are so many of them. But I don't want to be judged based on that alone. I don't want it to be more important than the words I'm saying. But I'm sorry, but why did you decide that I don't need anything?

[@ezraf.7759]

I know its grating to see the 'childish', optimistic, clueless characters being claimed as asexual but imo it's far more annoying to see the insufferable, smarmy, "logic over feelings", "love is weakness" characters being claimed as aromantic. Just keeps up the idea that not wanting a relationship is a reflection of your terrible personality. That and it's.. not really a conscious choice you make and stick with willingly like incels do.

[@camelopardalis84]

Unwillingly being sexless/relationshipless is precisely what makes incels "incels", though. It's short for "involuntary celibate". Only that one additional requirement for being an incel is that you blame women. (Though some people don't even acknowledge that last part.) If I hear "incel", I have someone with a hostile attitude in mind. If I just hear "I am 48 and have never even kissed a woman (or a girl when I was a boy), I am not ace nor aro, though, and I would like to find love one day, I don't see this man as an incel. Though he is living celibate involuntarily.

[@manuba_]

And then you see allos on the intwrnet having aro headcanons and it's that antagonist character that they see as "so shitty I can't imagine them falling in love" 🙄 I'm not even aro (just an ace lesbian) and that still pisses me off so bad

[@OhNine009]

Huh, how do involuntary celibate stay single willingly? That’s literally the opposite

[@thriftyfreebies]

@@camelopardalis84 I think they might’ve meant the way that the deeper incels go into the incel echo chamber, the more repulsive they become and therefore cement their status as an incel? Not to mention, they only seem to be celibate to begin with because they have these unrealistic and unattainable ideas about the sort of woman they want, a young, very physically attractive, virginal type. They could just hire a sex worker or get together with another incel, but noooo, not good enough for them. In that sense, it could be argued that they’re choosing to be celibate.

[@kaylynns8878]

I can't speak for OP, but I see the willingness comes in taking the name of "incel". An individual who's never been sexual with someone else isn't an incel until they start willingly calling themselves an incel. The way that I see it, it's a level of subconscious willing by adopting the "incel" mindset. They could probably find someone if they treated women/people in general with respect, however since a core part of being an incel is treating women like shit there is a level of ignorant willingness to not educate themselves.

[@zerin25]

I'm demisexual, and I've found far more truer representation of what I experience in fanfiction than in any 'official' media. The first time I came across a demisexual character was in fanfic, and the description of the process of realising what they were, it was like someone had been living inside my mind. I literally cried afterwards - I didn't realise how much representation (or lack thereof) mattered to me until I finally experienced it.

[@aurora_skye]

Same here: it was Yuuri Katsuki!

[@MerelvandenHurk]

Fellow demisexual here - do you still remember which one it was? I still struggle with feeling broken and defective (not just because of 20+ years of societal indoctrination before I found out what it was, but also because my libido and especially my need for intimacy hugely exceed my ability to satisfy them, and not due to a lack of "options") and I feel like I might need some good representation to feel a little less depressed about myself :')

[@booklover11976]

A book with demisexual rep is Kiss her once for me by Alison Cochrun. It’s a sapphic romance and i really enjoyed it

[@user-pi3hd2bt3f]

As a demi sexual in my 20s i thought everyone was like us Then i not only learned that people are more than willing to jump right up to sex before they even know the persons name right But ive been told i will never have a relationship because of my unwillingness to fuck on the first date. And if that's true im okay with that to be honest

[@MerelvandenHurk]

@@user-pi3hd2bt3f That's nonsense! Don't let them convince you of that kind of crap! Even for people who aren't demi it sounds really f*cked up to expect sex on the first date as a sort of norm or standard. If it happens and both people give their informed consent then fine but it should NOT be "normalized" in the sense that not doing so would be "abnormal". Maybe it's a cultural difference (I'm from the Netherlands) but over here I almost never hear about people jumping into bed on the first date. It's actually looked down upon more than it is perceived as "normal". Don't let them get you down! I know you already said you'd be okay with it (and good on you for maintaining your boundaries) but there's no need to worry. I'd even say that some of the best relationships are the product of friends getting to know each other better and then developing into something more. I've only had one real relationship so far but we saw each other at least four or five times before the first time we slept together. I don't think any of my close friends slept with their current partners on the first dates either. Then again, I don't think they "dated" as much as just meeting people, becoming friends, and developing into something more. Don't worry, not sleeping together on the first date will NOT hurt your chances at relationships

[@blanca3806]

There’s a Korean TV series called “Run On” where the main character’s best friend is asexual and the scene where they let us know she briefly explains that asexuality is a spectrum some feel romantic attraction. I was so surprised bc I think that’s the first and only time I’ve seen asexuality explained like that in such a casual manner and I was not expecting to see it from a country where gay and lesbian rep is still hard to see. I’m not asexual (I’m bi) but idk it made me so happy and I replayed it like 10 times. I really recommend the show bc it was super comforting to watch.

[@ittszimyikes]

where can I watch it???

[@hannahwatermelon]

The fact that heartstopper is doing so well, and we get 2 more seasons makes me really want to get my hopes up for an adaptation of Loveless. It would mean the world to me if this happened because I literally saw myself in loveless, I related SO HARD, so I am just hoping and praying for a show or movie.

[@s_marti]

Same here, that book made me realise that I'm aroace, so it would mean the world to me to see it on screen

[@wintergray1221]

At first I thought you were talking about the BL manga/anime and was very confused.

[@lysiamoreno7431]

hey I know your comment is like one year old but heartstopper second season just introduced an ace character apparently! his name is Isaac and he was not in the books

[@saturnthemirrorball]

This isn’t majorly related but I do hope there’s a spin-off series for solitaire as I really liked that book. I know it doesn’t have much to do with the ace side but it does with the heart stopper side 😅😅

[@mygreenshoes]

I loved that book! that was the first time I felt seen in that way

[@IceFireofVoid]

I’ve recently started watching an anime called The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, and honestly, the main character, Kusuo Saiki, is fantastic aro/ace rep to me. The show is about a super powered teenage boy who only wants to be normal and gets himself into all sorts of crazy scenarios where he must find a way out without making himself stand out from the crowd. He is portrayed as having no romantic or sexual interests and frequently complains about not understanding either. And many of the scenarios he tries to get out of involve other characters having crushes on him. I think it does it well because Saiki never considers his asexuality and aromanticism as being part of his abnormal traits he must hide in order to fit in. He never tries to date. His lack of interest is never portrayed as anything out of the ordinary in the minds of others either, with the exception of one girl who has a crush on him. The entire show has a strong emotional core when it comes to the platonic and familial ties he has to the other characters. It pushes him to open himself to friendships, and how these connections make him happy and fulfilled, without ever trying to outright push him towards romance of any kind. Even characters who are infatuated with him get written into eventual friendships.

[@fadedpages]

Now I have something new to watch

[@lili-oy1xf]

Yes that why he's one of my favorite characters I think they did very well with his story I was able to find a lot of aspects of myself with him which made me feel happy

[@Nakia11798]

I find it kinda funny that his asexuality is explained as he's been seeing other humans as what's under their skin enough that they're not appealing. Basically a "what does the outside matter, theyre all the same on the inside?"

[@anubis7457]

Also, he was born a girl but changed himself into a boy when he was still a baby. So, technically trans.

[@sophiefilo16]

@@anubis7457 He is not trans. He explains that he turned himself female right before birth, everyone panicked because scans said he was supposed to be a boy, and then he transformed back...

[@jml6263]

God it's been this many years and I still get legit FURIOUS seeing that poor man from that episode of House. Like, deadass it makes me ready to throw hands with whoever thought that was ok.

[@Undivided-X]

Lemme know if you need a tag-team partner for the fight haha.

[@camelopardalis84]

The creators didn't want House to be right. Not sure where I heard about this, I think in was in one of Jesse Tribble videos in his series "Everything but the Kitchen Sink". I might be able to help you find out in which one if you're interested.

[@maplepainttube8158]

@@camelopardalis84 Wasn't it the primary writer for the episode wanted it to be that he was just ace, and that house was wrong, but the show runners refused to have house be wrong. I feel like I also saw a youtube video about it, but I can't remember what video. Maybe it was the one you mentioned.

[@camelopardalis84]

@@maplepainttube8158 I don't remember in detail, but nothing you mention struck me as incorrect. You might be completely right.

[@toothfairy10133]

it pisses me off even more knowing that they didn't even think about the effects this could have on ace people who got a brain tumour. like, did it even occur to them they they were representing real, existing people here? maybe im biased cause it affected me personally but jfc

[@jellyfishneo]

i know it's bad rep, but 'in theory' helped me so much when i was struggling with my aromanticism. i was in high school, dating this guy who was really into me--he wrote romantic poems all the time--and i felt nothing. i felt like a horrible person for it, i thought i was like the neglectful partner archetype, it was real bad. but one night, i watched that episode with my dad, and it clicked. data wasn't a bad person for not reciprocating her feelings, he just wasn't built that way. i ignored the 'no feelings' explanation, but the episode overall helped me so much

[@tasto7775]

i totally get what you mean. i never thought of data being distanced from humanity by having no emotions. for me he always meant being human is more than just emotions. we was human in every way but physical. why else would he care so much about all of his friends? idk in my eyes he's not really bad ace rep. he's not an android because he has no emtions and sexual attraction but because that's just what he is.

[@skepticmoderate5790]

@Hibiscus They probably dated him because they felt obligated to. You have no idea what their experience was and you jump straight to judging? Be better.

[@juststatedtheobvious9633]

@Hibiscus You have no bloody idea what you're rambling on about. I'm demi. That's never stopped friends from asking for sex, or prevented me from feeling like I owed them. I forced myself to do whatever I could (to a point), even when I wasn't ready, because I lacked the knowledge needed to escape the situation. The end result wasn't good for either of us. And you would have done the exact same thing, in my situation. If you want to blame anyone, blame those who try to hide everything that's outside of the majority experience.

[@ADevilFromHeaven]

Yeah same watching sherlock and big bang theory as a teen when it came out felt validating, as it was THE Only almost representation that existed at The time, but today I think we can demand more and bettet rep.

[@lunarose9]

@Hibiscus Being a teen is messy. There isn't enough context here to be making judgements like that. It's very rude.

[@GenerationNextNextNext]

What I really hate is that when we finally have characters that are shown they aren't interested in sex and/or romance, some backyard fanbase asks them to have a partner so they won't be "lonely" (or because they "ship" them with someone), usually a queer partner. Being aro or ace doesn't mean you're in the closet. It means you're not often interested in anyone romantically and/or sexually.

[@proudtobeanerd5340]

Yeah, amatonormativity is an issue even in the queer community. I get annoyed when people claim Elsa is lesbian. She could be straight and be somewhere on the ace spectrum or just care more about other things. To me, it’s an injustice to her character to assume she must have a partner eventually.

[@softlead]

100% the worst part is that they tend to break their backs to screaming if you point it out. Those same mfers would get so mad if you shipped a cannon landmark homosexual relationship with a straight person and used “sexuality is a spectrum” as an excuse but then they ship Alistor/Lucifer Jughead/Archie etc with Greysexuality I’m not saying you can’t ship ace/aro characters, but people getting mad if you point out they ARE ace/aro is always the worst

[@azulathesunmoonsimp8939]

**Staring at Alastor from Hazbin Hotel and Ink!Sans from the Undertale AU fandom…** (Those are the first 2 that come to my mind personally)

[@Val-ud9fn]

I love your video! Small nitpick: I feel like we should make a distinction between asexuality and sex-repulsion. As an asexual who is also sex-favorable, I find it impossible to tell anyone that I'm ace without: Having to explain to them what asexuality is, and that you can be asexual and not sex-repulsed, or have them get the wrong idea about me. And the fact that all asexual representation that I know of is specifically about sex-repulsed asexuals makes things even more difficult, with most people getting away from them with the idea that "asexual=no sex"

[@chocolattefeverdreams4228]

As a sex-repulsed asexual, I think it could go somewhere. I still think it should just be that all aces are not attracted to sex, while still saying that it's a spectrum of sexual wants. But we all know there are allosexuals who are also sex-repulsed, so yeah.

[@riirah1010]

Adding demisexuality to this makes it even worse. Every time someone asks and I reply "panromantic demisexual," I have to answer "what's that?" and then all of these questions. And since I'm not sex-repulsed, I've had people try to tell me I'm allo, like they somehow know better. Usually I just say I'm pan and move on, because arguing with people about whether they should care or if they should believe me gets exhausting.

[@jem5636]

Yeah! I really wish there was more non-sex-repulsed ace rep, even just in videos like this one.

[@localabsurdist6661]

Exactly. Even a lot of ace people say asexuality = l don’t want to have sex which isn’t true. There’s a difference in attraction and arousal.

[@0racle.sunrise3570]

Same, I'm glad we're getting more ace rep but so far I can't even name one character who's sex-neutral or sex-favourable (as a writer & artist I already intend to create a variety of ace characters myself, but still it would be nice to see an ace character who isn't sexualized or dehumanized regardless of their attitudes towards sex).

[@asterismos5451]

I think Gaiman didn't think too much about the queerness of Good Omens when creating it and was more just writing something that made sense in the fantasy world, but given how amazing Terry Pratchett was in writing his very intentionally trans-coded characters in the 90s, he definitely knew what he was doing.

[@OctopusOwl]

Forever thankful for this collaboration.

[@sweetpeabee4983]

I've not read Good Omens yet, but if it reads queer, you're probably right that that comes from Pratchett. Queerness feels very present in Pratchett's solo work in a way that it really doesn't in Gaiman's imo, even just in the small details and jokes. Like...even just googling "figgin" because Pratchett promised it was just a pastry with currants showed me that he _knew_ some stuff. 😂

[@nessyness5447]

@@sweetpeabee4983 the angel and the demon are literally in an asexual same gender relationship. Like that's a marriageXD

[@timothymclean]

The world did not deserve Terry Pratchett, but I'm glad he got to stick around a while.

[@azulBjort_1406]

I'm getting the good omens book for Cristmas and hearing about this has just made me even more excited about getting to read it✌️

[@vg1384]

being a brazilian bi woman, everyone just naturally assumes that I'm hyper sexual but I'm demi and talking about my sex life gets me SUPER shy. Like I can talk about sex when I dissociate from it so basically talking about it in a scientific sense (which is probably why people always point out that I'm the only person who can talk about sex and make it unsexy haha) but talking about actual sex and especially ME having sex makes me go red because ew, no! Like I'm demi so I still feel sexual attraction but I've MAYBE felt it twice in my life

[@leticiagm4962]

The hipersexualization of certain ethnicities is very harmful, for sure. I feel somewhat similar when it ocmes to talking about sex, because even if I am ace, I do have sex drive, so I get excited and masturbate somewhat often. But people assume that me being ace just means that I am a non-sexual being. I don't like the idea of coming out to someone and then correcting their assumptions, so I generally just leave it at that, because what I feel with myself is no one else's bussiness. But you demi people probably have it tougher. Good luck!

[@docholliday1882]

Same here with both of you. I'm a gay ace guy with a sex drive. I always get irked when people automatically assume EVERY ace have no libido and are sex repulsed. I also get uncomfortable when talking about intimate sex with anyone not an SO. I can mask it to a degree if I dissociate, but it's still a highly embarrassing topic. Feels invasive too.

[@leticiagm4962]

@@docholliday1882 I wish we lived in a world where you could just casually say that a topic is not comfortable for you and have people respect that and change the conversation accordingly. I get that therapists and people that want to help you overcome traumas, prejudice and other barriers may want to push it, but most people should just hear that and move on. It's not a big deal.

[@docholliday1882]

@@leticiagm4962 That would be very nice. It's like they do it on purpose just to enjoy seeing people squirm. I understand friendly teasing, but sheesh...

[@e.moon_]

this is so relatable as a brazilian ace, but in my case i am sex repulsed and have no libido. Even knowing this and being supportive, my friends still end up acting in quite annoying ways. I know they’re trying to help me, but they will often infantilize me, think i’m super innocent, say jokingly that they don’t know how i can handle them or say that what they’re doing isn’t “appropriate for me” but then will continue doing it. I just kind of don’t get it, for exemple, a friend recently told me i shouldn’t read the group chat, and then i saw it was just because they mentioned vibrators, but then they will talk about sex when they’re with me. So what are the standards? I’m happy they’re trying to make me feel comfortable, but somehow they seem to alienate me both by talking about sexual themes and by trying to warn me and be helpful

[@raptorwrangler6012]

The media that finally helped me realize that I was ace was actually a horror podcast called The Magnus Archives. It's main character is canonically asexual, but he's not dehumanized and even eventually enters into a romantic relationship with a comfortably gay man later in the show. It's so strange because it is a pretty deep horror story, but it's characters are all so fleshed out and it's a pretty decent piece of rep! It'd be cool to hear you talk about it.

[@banf7425]

Cool. Will try that one out! (:

[@ArtfulCosumDust]

I will look at it.

[@BackAlleyTANGO]

I also realized I'm ace while listening to Magnus Archives last year. I'd had my suspicions for several years, but the penny didn't drop until Jon's and Martin's relationship in TMA made me realize just how badly I wanted something like that for myself. (I'm now in a lesbian relationship with a demi/grey ace partner and couldn't be happier ❤️)

[@GalkinSibiryak]

​@@BackAlleyTANGO It's really funny to me that after years of total confusion, the thing that made my own asexuality finally click into place was seeing jmart relationship develop and thinking "Oh good for them, good for them"

[@rowan_like_the_tree]

Pretty major spoilers for TMA Is he not dehumanised though? As he becomes closer to the eye doesn't he become more monstrous? I don't think he's dehumanised in an "emotional" sense because of his asexuality but he is seperatly dehumanised as the show progresses. I'm not trying to dismiss anything you're saying but I think it's worth thinking about

[@lunarrefresh]

I am an ace writer, and I can't fricken wait to get my characters out into the world, especially my main project, an epic fantasy series. I didn't know asexuality existed growing up and it's been such a huge struggle in feeling human and accepting myself. Everyone deserves to feel human in just being themselves. ♡

[@Avewyowo]

I am actually Aro-Ace-Aut, and dear god. I rarely say to anybody about my Autism, and I still get told if I need things like fidgets and such. it is SO absurd how Het/Cis people see Autism and antisexuality as things that are so related. I see autism for me as a amazing part of my identify. like me being Aro, Ace and Non binary. this world we live in...

[@notationmusical]

My favorite aro-ace character is actually Maki from Bloom Into You. He isn't portrayed as emotionless, or having trauma. He's just a normal person who finds romance interesting, but isn't romantically or sexually attracted. Other aro-ace characters are Saiki from Saiki K and Senku from Doctor Stone. Saiki would rather eat coffee jelly than go out with anyone. Senku, on the other hand, literally married and divorced someone to acquire a village for the kingdom of science (honestly, Senku's probably my favorite aroace protagonist). There's also the whole Luffy debate about him being aroace, and some say it's even confirmed, but idk. While I do love Saiki, Senku, and Luffy as aroace icons, Maki's story felt more personal to me.

[@notationmusical]

I also forgot to mention that Yuu from Bloom Into You can be interpreted as demisexual/demiromantic. Her relationship with Touko feels natural and the bond they share helps Yuu understand and even discover feelings. Also, recently, I think maybe Fushi from To Your Eternity is on the spectrum. I mean, his whole purpose is to observe and learn, so it kinda makes sense. For example, he knows that Rean likes Gugu and Gugu likes her back, and he's really supportive of them, even if he never experienced love for himself.

[@Splatsuma]

@@notationmusical yesss i got aro vibes from both yuu and maki. one of my fav sapphic media, and the aspec bits are a nice bonus 😁

[@bluishblow]

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, he was the real first time i felt so represented, the way he says he always observe but don't wanna participate and there's nothing wrong with it

[@notationmusical]

@@bluishblow Yeah, and I love how the anime visually portrays this sexuality. For example, he's shown in the audience in a movie theater, always watching relationships form between people on screen, like a movie, but when someone breaks the forth wall and asks him out, he gets a bit distraught and says he's not interested, and almost leaves the theater. That is, until, Yuu and Touko show up on screen, and once again, he's sitting down to watch this relationship unfold. Another instance of this is with baseball. The people who experience feelings towards one another and pursues a relationship hit a homerun. Meanwhile, he's on the bleachers, cheering everyone on. Notice how every time Maki's on screen, he's observing other people, just like the audience. Sorry for the long ramble, but I love Maki's character. Another aroace character is Unaminous from a manga, Our Dreams at Dusk, and that further dives into more LGBT topics.

[@notationmusical]

@@Splatsuma Sometimes, I wonder if harem protagonists are on the ace/aro spectrum. Idk why that popped into my head, but I thought it might be cool XD.

[@Kadaspala]

Data: "I have no feelings whatsoever" Also Data: *immediately after gives a kiss because he has plenty of self-awareness and empathy* Good job, writers????

[@bro-rm5xo]

imo it's very obvious data "feels" things in his own way, throughout TNG he develops very subtly and it feels intentional that's he's very conscientious and empathic while still saying he experiences "no emotion" because his experience is simply different to most humans

[@Alex-ph5ir]

@@bro-rm5xo yes, I totally agree with this. As an autistic person, to me Data being perceived as "emotionless" (and believing this himself) maps on so closely to neurodivergent experiences. For ex., it's long been assumed that autistic people can't experience empathy, and many of us are perceived as "robotic" and cold. Neither of these things are true; it's that our expressions of emotion, compassion, empathy, etc. tend to take a different form (and the way we experience those things can sometimes feel different than it might for neurotypicals). It seems so obvious to me that Data experiences emotions, just in his own way. But due to the ignorance of the society, his difference is framed as lack. Of course, the writers didn't intend this, but they inadvertently created a really solid representation of that ND experience

[@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.n]

Yeah, Data has emotions, but he's been told so often that he doesn't and that his experience is wrong that he doesn't even have names for them, and it always makes me sad.

[@jelatinosa]

@@Alex-ph5ir I'm on the spectrum, and I believe I feel empathy very strongly. I do not understand the belief that all autistic people have no empathy, that would be sociopathy or psychopathy.

[@TheSapphireLeo]

@@bro-rm5xo Oh I also see it in all AI, and/or any house hold object, as Japan also believes all things have souls and thus = (sentient) energy? "All energy is consciousness and thus sentent? Atomic elecromagnetic "bonding"?)

[@Jacyl]

As someone who is both aroace and autistic, how this subject is talked about often bother me a lot, because a lot of people that default autistic people as ace because they're "like children" are being very much ableist, but also very much aphobic. Same on the other end when people insist you cannot have an autistic character be ace because it's "infantilizing", ends up being aphobic because you are equating being ace with being a child, and also they shove the real autistic and ace or aroace people under the bus. At the end of the day if you are not aphobic and ableist (and bother learning about the subject) it's not that difficult to make good autistic ace characters

[@Nakia11798]

While, yeah, autistic people are more likely to be ace than neurotypical people, ace autistic people are still the minority of autistic people. Ableism is annoying.

[@onyxtheowl24]

I’m on the autistic spectrum. I have very sensitive hearing and struggle with social interaction. I can’t handle change and I hate it when my room gets messy, I also am constantly paranoid that I’ve lost my stuff even when I know I left it where I always leave it. So I think I can speak on this. It’s so annoying for people to think that people with autism act like children. Or they Infantilize them. I wanna be taken seriously not treated like a baby just because I’m autistic. And asexual people who just so happen to be autistic do not act like children. They act like asexual people. Who are just a bit different. That’s it. LITERALLY. People sometimes even fetishize autistic ace people. And it makes me extremely uncomfortable to think that this is what people think and do with people like me.

[@Easy-Death_Oven4056]

Oh! Hey! I'm also AroAce and Autistic! 😁

[@HiBuddyyyyyy]

I have some very good autistic aro and/or ace characters! Might be because I am all of those three things though.

[@butterscotchwm]

Dismantling this essentialist attitude towards sexuality as "being human" I think is what good ace rep is all about. Yes, being human can involve sexuality, but it's not a requirement.

[@RebecaDogaru]

Being human does involve sexuality, it's a reproductive requirement, so every human has the potential for it. It's the same in any living organism that reproduces through intercourse. That some people do not feel sexual desire at some points in their life or ever due to a wide variety of issues, and that some people choose not to act on it, is a whole other matter.

[@rosawolke2788]

@@RebecaDogaru Not ace but this oversexualization portrayed in the media gets on my nerves. This is just lazy writing. Sexuality is only a small part of human existence and there is so much more in life.

[@RebecaDogaru]

​@@rosawolke2788 I completely agree. It is very annoying and it creates unrealistic expectations about relationships. And one doesn't need to identify as asexual to notice it. For most people, sex isn't the focus in a relationship, it's just one of the things you sometimes do with a partner, but if you read, say, romance you get the impression that this is the best thing in a relationship. That's just the thing: sexuality (=the capacity for sexual feelings) is central to humans as a species, but it's just a bodily function (that people have in varying degrees and that some choose not to act on) not the focus of one's existence. We don't need to coin a word (asexual/demisexual) for people who aren't obsessed with sex, since most people aren't.

[@cloudyskyz2237]

@@RebecaDogaruI disagree with your last point of having no need to “coin a word for it”. Because society is so awfully hyper sexualized, it is seen as bad or wrong, or simply impossible, to not feel such an attraction. Asexuality and aromanticism are not that people don’t ever feel such attractions. It’s that they’re possibly literally incapable. I have been in multiple relationships with people who have broken up with me simply because I’m ace (all men). Until the idea that everyone MUST at some point in their life have sex/romance or want to have sex/romance is erased, there has to be representation for people who don’t follow that. I’ve literally had to tell strangers I’m ace just so they back off. It’s like pride month. Until the world understands people can’t change their sexuality just because it’s not the heteronormative idea, we have to have people marching proudly. Being ace or aro isn’t an “issue” as you said. It’s literally just someone’s identity. If you want to get rid of aromantic and asexual, then you goddamn better also get rid of allosexual and alloromantic.

[@RebecaDogaru]

@@cloudyskyz2237 I agree with your last point. That's exactly the thing, "allosexual" is a myth. People who don't identify as asexual (the so-called "allosexuals") don't feel like having sex all the time and with everybody and don't talk about sex all the time, I literally don't know anyone like that. Sure, some are obsessed with sex, but they're a minority, and it usually has a psychological explanation. We don't need to label everything, because labels are limiting: everyone relates to sex and relationships subjectively and, hence, differently. And how we act on our sexuality is a personal choice. So, yes, I do thing we should get rid of all these labels.

[@alioc3298]

I usually hate ace rep because of how it’s mistreated, but I just love how Good Omens did it. It’s obvious that they love each other, and that’s genuinely enough for me

[@hello_ree]

good omens characters are ace? i have a friend whos really into it and i might consider reading the book

[@alioc3298]

@@hello_ree Az and Crowley are described as genderless and sexless in the book :) however, that same part also says that people often think Aziraphale is “gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide”. Read the book, it’s fantastic and it’s the tip of the iceberg for how great Terry Pratchett is

[@stevenhiggins3055]

But you still have the problem of them not being human. I think Stat from Q-force was good. Yeah she had the technophile problem, but it was made very clear that she was capable of romantoc interest and didn't care about sex. She wasn't repuled by it, but it wasn't something she felt was neccesary to have a fulfilling relationship. So it showed that Ace, Aro, and sex repulsion didn't neccesarily have to all go together. If the show had continued they could have given her a human partner and still kept the "I dont care about touching, I care about you" aspect.

[@alioc3298]

@@stevenhiggins3055 yeah it bugs me with the inhuman part too. The only rep I can think of is that dude from Bojack horseman

[@heytheatre7491]

my favorite ace representation was in the HBOMax show "Genera+ion" - there's a latina lesbian asexual character and the whole season is an arc of her exploring her sexuality, knowing she's queer but she feels different and it all comes to a head when she attempts to hook up with a girl she likes and ends up hating it. It made me cry so much and as an asexual lesbian I had never felt more seen. I am highly considering making my own video just on that topic especially since you didn't mention it :)

[@unegirafebleue]

Are you still planning to make that video ? I would be highly interested x)

[@heytheatre7491]

@@unegirafebleue don't tell anyone this is my spam account ahaha but here's the video on my main one: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hZvNZYSCmbarpdk

[@dcfan1939]

Sheldon actually WAS good representation because it portrayed an asexual man who had sex, but not for his own enjoyment. Instead, he did it for his partner, which a lot of ace people (including me) can relate to. Asexual does not mean sex repulsed. Also, his relationship with Amy seems almost queer-platonic, but in viewed through an alloromantic light. Pretty sure that Sheldon, while it's only implied, was asexual and on the aromantic spectrum .

[@stefanie369]

yes yes yes! I actually was happy about Sheldon getting together with Amy bc this development showed that we ace people do in fact have emotions and are able to love and be in a relationship. I hate it when people treat "asexuality" as a synonym for "being single" or "emotionless" or whatever bc that's not what it is.

[@kiriki4558]

But he was explicitly misoginistic. I wouldn't be friends to someone who claims that women are "scientificaly" aka his ego talking, intelectualy inferior.

[@somberpaw]

It is extremely unhealthy to only have sex with someone when you do not want to, just to benefit them. I highly encourage you to seek help with this.

[@Jay-jv4oy]

@@somberpaw I think what the OC meant wasn't about doing something you don't like for your partner, but more something you don't really care about for them. Lots of people do stuff like watching their favourite shows together for their partner, even thought you yourself aren't that interested in them. For many ace people (including me), sex is just something that has no real effect on ourselves, but we might still have it, because our partner enjoys it and it makes us happy that someone we love is happy.

[@Crypticzen1]

​@@somberpaw they are saying that some of us ace people will have sex with are partners to make them feel happy (if that is what they want) we really don't care about it so what does it do to us it ain't wrong to see your partner happy in can make people happy to see them happy

[@littlestpineapple2898]

There ends up being this really weird thing that will happen in a lot of shows, where as an aroace person I actually end up feeling super represented because there will be a lot of queerbait-y relationships that read very much like QPRs and are basically the exact kind of thing that I would want. But they exist in this weird grey space where my representation ends up being at the expense of same sex relationships in media and the sense always is that we all know what's *really* going on. (Obviously we should also have queer couples on screen and these fiction people should be allowed to date) Aziraphale and Crowley feel particularly charged for me because to me they have always genuinely felt like a QPR situation. Like for whatever reason my soul is like "yes Timone and Pumba are obviously a couple, but Aziraphale and Crowley's thing is clearly platonic." And there is something so amazing about having platonic intimacy stop the apocalypse. But it's also a really vulnerable place to be because, of course, it isn't actual rep.

[@Snowleaper]

YES. THIS. I actually always had this exact situation happen to me, specifically with Crowley and Az. It always just leaves me in such an awkward position because a majority of my friends are either allo or alloace, so they read that particular relationship as romantic when I can't wrap my head around it as romantic. It also usually leaves me kind of quiet in the conversation because I just Don't relate to seeing it as a romantic thing.

[@dwoktheraynejonsohn4849]

@@Snowleaper What's alloace? I thought allo and ace were opposites

[@blazelightshine2311]

@@dwoktheraynejonsohn4849 Alloace is somebody who is not aromantic but is ace. Allo is a term that can be used for non-ace people and non-aro people, possibly with the relevant -sexual or -romantic suffixes if needed.

[@CaindogLover]

Omg THIS. I am always drawn to the relationships that most people scream queerbait over. And a lot of the time I do see that and agree the writers are doing it on purpose, but plenty of times it isn't like that even on the writers' part and it just reads as QPR to me. But society makes you feel bad for not wanting that gay romance.

[@Harrison_J_T]

@@dwoktheraynejonsohn4849 Allosexual and asexual are opposites but you can be alloromantic and asexual so you experience romantic attraction but not sexual attraction.

[@brittanyparks8242]

The only reason I discovered my asexuality was because I happened across an online story that involved asexuality. I also recently determined I'm demi romantic.

[@polishalastor142]

Im propably Demi

[@essentiallyinvisible3572]

We need a TV show about a group of ace friends - a lesbian ace, an aromantic ace, a trans ace, an autistic ace, a male ace, etc. one or two who like sex, an ace who is repulsed by sex, one or two indifferent about sex, and so on :)

[@comradewindowsill4253]

lol I already have this to an extent, the differences in our experience are interesting to talk about

[@valentinevintel9814]

My comment might be ignorant and foolish, but there are Aces who like sex ? What defines asexuality and how do you know you are then ? (again, not meaning to offend anyone, just really ignorant 😅)

[@AmericanBaker]

​@valentinevintel9814 I'm pretty sure they meant the characters who like sex aren't asexual. So their theoretical show would include some non-ace people. OP, correct me if I misunderstood.

[@jaytokey]

​@@valentinevintel9814Asexuality is about not feeling sexual attraction or only in specific circumstances (e.g. demisexuality also falls under the ace umbrella). Sexual attraction to a person is different from liking/wanting to engage in sexual acts just as an enjoyable activity

[@essentiallyinvisible3572]

@@AmericanBaker - some asexuals do like sex (either to procreate, because of how their body feels, because they love their partner and feel comfortable doing that with them, etc.), but don't experience much (if any) sexual attraction. There would be non-ace characters, but not the main ones, if doing an ace-based show :)

[@alidagupta540]

Man, I related to Data so hard when I was a kid watching Next Gen with my dad, and honestly, I still do. Way before I realized I was ace, 8-year-old me saw this android who doesn't get feelings and relationship stuff and people often give him a hard time about it, but he has a violin and a cat, art and poetry and potted plants, and a best friend who accepts him the way he is. He's my favourite character of all time. And yeah, he's not "good ace rep", but he was valuable rep for me.

[@nobody-nk8pd]

I never watched any Star Trek but after seeing these excerpts in this vid I think I should because I fell in love with Data immediately. Just... perfection. I already can see why he became so iconic. Also I don't think he was ever meant to be anyone's representation. I don't know for sure but I doubt this concept even existed when the original Star Trek was made.

[@xRaiofSunshine]

Same 😭 He may not be the kind of ace rep we need/deserve to see, or even intended, but he felt like the ace rep that we *live* and experience up until the point where we go “oh shit, I have an actual label for what I’m experiencing, cool!” This isn’t an excuse to not have intentional ace rep written by diverse ace people, but those kinds of experiences still feel valuable to me, because they still put me on the path to figuring out who I am as a person.

[@ivycohernour]

As a (then) undiagnosed autistic person, I identified with him. ALOT. The fact that all these identities are easily conflated tells me maybe we should just let people be whoever they are as individuals? But then I'm autistic and can be way too literal. That said, the whole "acting out romantic behavior because it's expected" thing resonated with me too. But even at the time I felt the conflation of narrow sexual expectations with basic humanity to be more a satirical commentary on society than any sort of endorsement of this narrow minded attitude. Again though, maybe I just didn't get it

[@bigmanmccheez5342]

​@@nobody-nk8pdthis would have been the 90s so it would have been a thing but not publically understood

[@Ash-fe5xu]

as an aroace autistic person i just wanted to thank you for the in-depth discussion of how autistic people aren't inherently asexual while also acknowledging that ace autistic people do exist! it was very refreshing to see and i greatly appreciate it.

[@asterismos5451]

5:06 I think it's important to de-centralize aromantic attraction from love altogether. We aren't acceptable because we can love in "other ways." We don't have to love more in those "other ways" to make up for not loving romantically. This idea is called "loveless aromantic" and it's a great concept. Similarly, there are lovequeer aromantic people who are just using "love" to describe everything and question the importance placed on romantic love.

[@nogladpuns7759]

I love those words omg. Ima go fall down a research rabbithole to see if lovequeer fits me as an identity. Thank you for sharing!!!

[@Ruby_Wentzel]

Lovequeer aromantic here. Thanks for writing! I was about to write this comment myself but started scrolling down to see if anyone else had done it already. 🖤🤍💚

[@oodlesofowls]

As someone who is both a lovequeer and loveless aromantic, thank you for metioning this, and to add on, these labels are not mutually exclusive. You can be lovequeer and loveless, and it doesn’t have to be contradictory. For me being loveless means that as a whole i dont want love nor do i think it is necessary. I don’t believe that love in any form makes us human, but as someone who is also lovequeer, i can define what love i experience and what that means to me. I can be free from the belief that i need love yet also form my own path on what love means to me and what i want to define as love :)

[@asterismos5451]

@@oodlesofowls That's a great point, thank you!

[@mad_morph7]

@@oodlesofowls i have been trying to figure out wether i was aro for quite some time now and this comment is so helpful in actually figuring out as to how i actually feel, so thanks for explaining it so well :)

[@lefandomtrash7746]

As an artist who likes making stories and characters, when I discovered I was aromantic, it really opened the door for me. Suddenly, characters I’ve written I couldn’t stop changing their orientations to aromantic or asexual (tbh there wasn’t much changing of anything except a label because now I finally had a WORD for what I was describing) and I had just realized how *little* representation there is. It reflected on my own work just how little I understood about romantic relationships and just how much more well-versed I was in platonic or familial and how much the outside world changed my perspective on things. Now I like writing about more complex relationships that don’t have labels or anything at all to do with romance (because honestly, there’s so many more relationships out there that could use representation instead of romance or other stuff as the main focus).

[@OriginalAkivara]

All of my characters are aroace unless otherwise stated. It's basically the default. (Seriously why is "straight" considered the default and not aroace? The number line starts at 0! Also all humans start out as aroace because babies are aroace!)

[@evilemuempire9550]

Just curious, but did you also have a moment where you realized none of your characters had romantic partners unless you specifically designed them to? Cause I had that and it was a very funny “oohhhhh, that makes sense” moment

[@ПолинаКуренева12]

I remember being so upset with Sheldon's storyline when it was introduced. While Amy is a nice character and they share some very good moments (especially the ace-coded ones, because it's so so great that people got to connect to those!), I've never viewed their relationship as something necessary to humanize him. His friendship with Penny, on the other hand. They take care of each other, support each other to the best of their ability and work on themselves together. Penny is actually more attentive to Sheldon's struggles, needs and feelings than anyone else. She's also the one who encouraged him to reach out and listen to other people more, while he started articulating his own thoughts and emotions with her. Each hug they had was just so sweet and warm and important. Their friendship is about vulnerability and care and emotional intimacy, and it's honestly my favourite part of the show altogether. It's just my personal opinion and personal viewing experience, of course.

[@gota7738]

I get the impression that the lack of straightforwardness around the identities of the characters in Good Omens is at least in part, a desire not to exclude fan interpretations that have grown around the texts. Whether that's a good or bad aproach I'm not sure. I'm also willing to believe Gaiman's reluctance to confirm anything on it without Pratchet being around to say anything. To be honest the quality of that representation on screen is more meaningful to me than any words confirming it, and that goes for all media. However, I also don't need asexuality explained to me so...

[@leonie5926]

I totally agree with you there. The show is an adaption of the book he has written with Terry and almost everything they added came from the sequel they planned together. I can totally understand why he wouldn't want to change anything there without Terry's permission. Afaik, the next two seasons will be far less oriented on the work they did together, which hopefully means there will be more room to explore Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, but at this point I can respect his decision to leave things that aren't clearly stated in canon (in the book or on screen) open for everybody to interpret however they want. I can think of several authors who should have done that...

[@alidagupta540]

"a desire not to exclude fan interpretations" this exactly! I'm actually incredibly grateful that Gaiman hasn't explicitly said "they're asexuals in a queerplatonic relationship" or "they're gay and they fuck". Everyone who sees themselves in the story can take from it what they want/need -- I personally love the idea of a committed partnership/relationship/whatever that doesn't fit into any labels and is based on mutual understanding/respect/fondness.

[@AbiExists]

An AMAZING ace non fiction book is Ace: what asexuality reveals about desire, society and the meaning of sex by Angela Chen!

[@emessar]

As someone who is not aro/ace, I still find that a lot of media over emphasizes sexuality. I would welcome better ace/aro rep, if only to question that narrative choice. But to also give good representation to marginalized and misunderstood people ... just seems like a no-brainer to me.

[@missedanneangel9906]

I am a demi who is bisexual, and I loved Todd Chavez because he actually listened to his girlfriend. The lack of sex was positive, and you could see how these two people really cared for one another. It was really a breath of fresh air, and the storyline and agenda changed, and yes, sometimes it didn't work out but isn't that life. Todd was so sweet, even if he sometimes did things wrong with the best intentions.

[@polishalastor142]

Im Ace Demi propably

[@catearphanatic]

The main character of the Magnus Archives (a horror podcast) is ace and while it's only mentioned one time and then not really relevant to the story, the character is really well rounded and part of a gay relationship and it is truly beautiful, he's the reason I figured out I was ace

[@bluishblow]

loveless was just released in brazil and it was SO IMPORTANT that the publishers had the care to include a reflection about the ace community in brazil (and latin america in general) to highlight how a lot of references we have are anglophones and how some cultural aspects impact us in different ways. there was also a livestream with the publisher representative, the translator (who is lesbian-ace) and an aro-ace author to discuss what they think about the book and share experiences, and i was just so happy that Alice gave us this opportunity to talk more about how we want to be validated and respected

[@GeneralRania]

I'm surprised at the amount of queer adults with experience who just don't "get" asexuality. I'm not asexual, but I definitely can recognize different types of attraction. From platonic to romantic to sexual and everything in the blurry gray. It makes a lot of sense to me that while I experience phsycial/sexual attraction to random strangers i come across, I also... Don't experience sexual attraction to others. But a different type of attraction possibly. Or... No attraction at all. So why would it be difficult to understand that some people just don't experience physical/sexual attraction to people without it meaning that they "don't care" or "don't have any feelings". It's so baffling to me. Please continue making these videos because the representation and discussion is extremely important in the "education" of people who "just don't get it".

[@tymondabrowski12]

I know the words but I'm still not sure. Because if ace people can have sexual desires, masturbate willingly, have sex with other people, and like those other people, I'm not really sure I can tell what's left. Like, you like a person very much, platonically and romantically, and you want to have sex. Semantically, I can see that it doesn't mean you want to have sex with that person, but in practice, what is the difference?

[@GeneralRania]

@@tymondabrowski12 not all asexual people are sex repulsed, and even those that are sex repulsed, they still have something called libido? Like... What. You can have sex with someone you're not attracted to because you need/want that specific form of release, or you can have sex with your partner even though you don't want or need sex but do it because you love your partner. How is any of this so foreign to you?

[@GeneralRania]

Asexuality is a spectrum but the one common demonominator is the lack of a sexual attraction response with a random stranger or body part they come across. It's not foreign. We all lack that response sometimes. For them it's all the time. The response is triggered for them sometimes if they're demisexual for example. But not triggered with random beautiful people in the way it is for others.

[@ExeErdna]

Think of the standard sexual medium as 2D there's a X and Y axis so there's straight, gay and all in between. Aromance/Asexuality is the Z axis bringing sex in to 3D plane where somebody can be Pansexual yet overall an Ace person. The normal mindset is very close to people being "hypersexual" by default. Which is why you'll see people trying WAY to hard, then hurting them and others. Like sex is X and Y, flat 0, 0 = Hetero and 10, 10 = Homo. So there's no concept of "on or off" So this also falls into tropes of men not being into a cute woman that he's "gay" by default since he has to be *on* at all times. It's legit a trope a lot of people don't think about and ironically reinforce. Since I seen "allies" say I'm *suspect* because I'm not into somebody they are.

[@ExeErdna]

​@@GeneralRania Since YT doesn't want me to comment on your perspective. I'll sum it up. Sexuality in the mainstream is X and Y, we can infer what those are so the YT bots don't eat this comment. So Ace is the Z axis. Z can be seen as simple on and off. the X and Y was always *on* so a lot of people of that perspectives never understood there's an *off* If that helps.

[@donaldduck3888]

Ok, I know Gaiman isn't a perfect ally or whatever, he definetly could make some human characters explicitly queer. But saying that him making Aziraphel and Crowly non-binary doesn't work because they inhabited the same body for over 2000 yeas, which don't look perfectly androgynous is just plain wrong. You don't have to be genderfluid to be non-binary. Your gender presentation doesn't determine your gender. If a butch lesbian identifies as a woman, then she is a woman, no matter how often she is mistaken for a man. Same for non-binary people. You're allowed to look as masc or fem as you want, there is no way for a body to be non-binary.

[@littlemissmello]

I do agree with you but I think the point they were making was that Gaiman claimed Az and Crow just didn't get "silly human stuff like human genders" despite living amongst humans for thousands of years and actively engaging in gender portrayals.

[@hannahmills9959]

"there is no way for a body to be non-binary" Unless you're intersex. But yeah, I agree with you there.

[@eldron29-a54]

Actually a body can have a lot of nb characteristics.

[@SirThinks2Much]

The Sandman and American Gods exist. He's been writing queer human characters since the 80s.

[@onyxtheowl24]

@@eldron29-a54 but you don’t need those to be NB. I’m NB myself and it makes me so stressed to think I’m not good enough to be who I want to be. Just because I can’t get surgery because I still live with my transphobic parents and I’m not even 17 yet. It makes me feel so hollow and unworthy. If I can’t be non binary. And feel comfortable in my skin I’m not gonna pick to be a trans guy or a cis female. I’d rather not exist. Imagine telling a women that she can’t be a women because she doesn’t wear dresses or doesn’t completely pass as a women. But she doesn’t wanna be anything else. She’d probably not wanna exist either.

[@kittyqueentengu5327]

Anyone else getting aphobia vibes from Voldemort? There's this huge plot point about him not feeling love being the main reason for him being evil, and although they seem to be talking about love in general including familial but it feels aphobic anyway

[@kspoo10_]

Wait does this mean the Cursed Child play actaully improved it, since it implied (via a biological child) that his lack of love was not related to being uninterested in sex? This is a horrible revelation to me. I cannot believe I am being supportive of the Cursed Child. Oh god no.

[@RiveroftheWither]

I mean we are talking about JK Rowling here. She's never just been a transphobe, that's just what she's most loud about. She has shown many times over that she only seems to see poc and the rest of the LGBTQ+ as very limited stereotypes she can use for diversity brownie points.

[@HiBuddyyyyyy]

She apparently has a thing with characters needing to be parents. Also voldermort was apparently conceived from r/pe. I get being born into an abusive situation isn’t going to be the best, but I don’t think it’ll make you loveless and evil. Also is it kind of victim blamey? Like if his father just loved his mother and wasn’t traumatised, voldermort wouldn’t be evil. Come on JK, it’s the only situation like this in the whole story, don’t make the only character who was born from a ‘loveless’ way he the ultimate evil.

[@hectorcontreras506]

@@HiBuddyyyyyy I'm not good with English, so I'm sorry if there are grammatical errors, but oh well. Voldemort cannot feel love not because of Amortentia or because of how he was born, but because of Merope, since according to Rowling's words, if Merope had chosen him instead of choosing to die, Voldemort would never have existed, unlike Harry, who is his counterpart since Lily chose to die for him (Harry), to save him, making this act of love of giving one's life for another a protection of ancient magic, like there was never anyone to teach him what love is, Tom He never knew what the power of love is, because part of the prophecy said "And he will have a power that the dark lord does not know", which gives more meaning to the death of Harry's parents.

[@Island_vampire]

As an asexual female I have trouble having relationships because I tell people I’m Ace, and the person wanting the relationship says they respect my sexuality but then they try to turn me un-Ace because they believe they can “fix me”

[@jojoeys4303]

One more thing to add onto Holmes himself, in the original stories it's made very clear that he's aroace! While it does describe him as a thinking machine, A Scandal in Bohemia starts out with Watson flat out stating that if Holmes were to be in a relationship he would "putting himself in a false position". Right after that, Holmes congratulates Watson on his marriage and remarks that he looks healthier because of it. He's not looking down on marriage, it's just not for him. There are some other stories that allude to this, with the copper beeches basically having Watson theorise about Holmes falling in love with a woman but no, he's just concerned about her well-being in a brotherly way. In Charles Augustus Milverton he ends up engaged with a girl which surprises Watson until he reveals that he was fake dating her for info. Eventually Holmes ends up living somewhere in Sussex unmarried, only taking along his housekeeper from his past lodgings. Watson moves on and remarries. It's downright frustrating how people are keen to erase Sherlock's aroace nature, especially with the way Moffat and the Guy Ritchie films have handled it. Though some fans are to blame as well, even though I don't hate the Johnlock pairing in the context of the original stories (there's some basis to it). Unfortunately it's frequently paired with actual a- and arophobia. EDIT: just realised this might come off as more of an aro thing but basically, that line from a scandal in bohemia does mention sexual attraction as well AND Watson is usually straightforward about his attraction to various people or remarking on their beauty.

[@mars_has2moons157]

Thank you. I was literally going to leave a comment like this.

[@meddlesome-]

David J Bradley has a very good video breaking down a lot of major examples of his a-coding !

[@fannishfanning160]

Hmmmm, no. He's not, canonically.

[@KangarooMonkey]

@@fannishfanning160 what do you mean? It’s never stated bluntly but does it need to be?

[@Meg_intheclouds]

Omg- this! People shipping John and Sherlock, which like I can understand why- but I personally don’t ship them together to me they could be good representation of a Queer-Platonic Relationship. But also Sherlock is and always will be AroAce to me Also tying in with the last point Sherlock is so autistic coded

[@ConstanzaRigazio]

I’m demisexual and the ONLY instance of EXPLICIT representation I can recall is Steve in Sex Education holding a sign that says ‘I think I’m demisexual’ in one short scene in the background… I hope we can get more of this character and I want Sex Education season 4 to confirm he’s indeed demisexual.

[@leticiagm4962]

Yes! That would be awesome. I never read that sign, which is very sad. If you have to be actively looking to find it, it is not proper representation.

[@phillipwalk3r]

Sheldon isn't actually asexual, he's demisexual. His emotional bond with Amy left him open to a sexual experience with her.

[@leticiagm4962]

@@phillipwalk3r And even then, he isn't explicitly stated to be demi. That's not good representation, the same way he isn't stated to be autistic.

[@phillipwalk3r]

@@leticiagm4962 That's not my point. My point is apparently he is asexual when he isn't. Good representation or not, he is who he is.

[@ConstanzaRigazio]

@@phillipwalk3r Yes, I’ve also always considered Sheldon as demisexual, but the emphasis on my original comment on the word EXPLICIT refers to characters that have used the word demisexual to refer to themselves within the show. Sheldon fits the demisexual experience but nobody in the show ever confirmed he’s demi. People who don’t know what demisexuality is, won’t learn the term ‘demisexual’ from this TV show because it’s never mentioned by name.

[@Moonstar2314]

While I do fit into the Autism and aro/ace box, me being autistic is not the reason why I’m aro/ace. I found out I was aro first; after a traumatic experience with someone who wanted a romantic relationship including kissing on the lips without consent. Which after that experience I found that I had no romantic attraction to any gender. My discovery of being asexual was more of looking into and understanding myself; mostly through how I’d feel repulsed every time anything in various forms of media showed sex in any way. It was hard to accept that my feelings about romance and sex are indeed normal, especially with how much media would show that happiness only came from those types of relationships. While it’s slow, I’m glad that more and more aro/ace representation is being shown to people and that we are still human and be validated.

[@leticiagm4962]

Totally! it's so normal to doubt your orientation because of something else or lack of proper representation. I love that you feel secure in your identities and understand that they are their own thing. And all of them are valid. I wish there was better representation for autism too, that would be so helpful!

[@smelly4498]

aro-ace autistic here too! i always worry about sharing too many labels with people because once you have two unrelated and uncommon traits people immediately become psychologists and tell you why you feel the way you do people forget that i’m living as me, so i know myself best. i’ve had all the same thought processes and worries they did, because i’ve internalized so much of my identity. i’ve thought it through much more than they have, and i should be the authority over understanding and explaining my experience. maybe my asexuality and my autism do intersect somewhere, but for many aro-ace or autistic people it doesn’t. there are plenty of autistic people who have healthy sexual or romantic relationships, and there are neurotypical people who don’t. im not an alien because of my disabilities or my lack of sexual attraction, im alien because of people who assume all my humanity is worth is sex and productivity. im an alien because i was made to feel alien. correlation doesn’t equal causation. i wish people wouldn’t see us as a cheap way to avoid a characters sexuality or appear unfeeling. i wish there was more aspec representation but it’s definitely better than it was before. im personally waiting for disney to make an actual canon asexual main character who also has a personality, fingers crossed we’ll get them by 2065 if we’re lucky /lh

[@Ninjacatmuffin]

I feel that hard. I'm an aroace autistic as well (although I found out I was autistic first). I'm glad to see more aro/ace rep as well although it's slow going

[@FoggyIsLost]

Another aro/ace autistic here, when I told my family therapist I don’t feel sexual attraction she said, to my face, that it was just because I’m autistic and I shouldn’t see it as a separate thing. Needless to say, didn’t go to that therapist again. I really do wish there was more ace/aro rep (and ace and aro rep as separate things), and autistic rep. It would make so many lives so much easier :(

[@ApoasDemon]

I'm sorry but once you described Data as "pale and glittery" all I could think about was the famous line "this is the skin of a killer, Bella" 😂

[@teresaellis7062]

I was thinking the same thing!😂

[@irisgracecarter]

I went and watched "Everything's Gonna be Okay" after seeing this. It was amazing. The whole plot around Matilda and Drea is so well written. I'm so happy I watched it and thank you so much for pointing me to this show!

[@Mirai_the_weeb]

See i wish i could have this conversation, i live with family that are essentially trying to force me to "change", as if me being Demi is a problem, and my asexuality (partially inflated by trauma) will ruin any future relationships i have. My uncle even said to my face once that no relationship can be successful without sex involved. It hurts a lot, and i hate knowing that they'll keep thinking that and comment about it every chance they get

[@MareeHassallsArt]

I feel for you! Also, that's a really weird thing for an uncle to say XD must have been quite awkward. I'm demisexual myself, I've only told my partner and a friend so far, so not sure how others feel yet. We believe you and we know from experience that you can have successful and happy relationships if you want one :) I've been in an 8 year relationship and it's going well so far. Big hugs!

[@writteninstarlight1649]

Can completely relate on the being told no sex means no successful relationship. It can be hurtful and damaging, especially to hear from family members who you may hope more than anyone would understand and accept you for who you are

[@ourenart3106]

Just means that they have issues they're taking out on you. Their problem, not yours.

[@RWAsur]

That's bullshit. Signed, an ace lesbian with her ace future wife

[@shamandalies8736]

You will still find the love of your life, possibly another ace person. 💓

[@sunflowersandstorms5608]

After Loveless, my favourite asexual book rep is Beyond the Black Door by A. M. Strickland, it portrays beautifully the feeling of being broken, often an ace and aro experience. The mc is asexual biromantic and the story ends with no one getting together and going away to learn more about themselves (my favourite way to end books)!

[@Rizzalert69]

thank you for the recommendation, i love this!! especially as a biromantic ace :D

[@lilaboxx]

Oh hi, nice to see you here

[@DayDreamingWriters]

Ooo Im reading Love less. Its very good books, but I feel quite Called out on Some behaviours, but I still Im not sure is I could be aro/ace

[@KatelynJoe]

Just added to my TBR 🥰

[@lopsupopsu]

I just finished The Charm Offensive, it’s a mlm romance novel and the other main character is on the asexual spectrum! He’s either demisexual or graysexual, he doesn’t choose a specific label but he’s ace! There’s another asexual character in the book as well.

[@LonelyAssassin96]

I literally cried when playing through Parvati's quest in The Outer Worlds. Seeing actually good ace rep for the first time ever, in my entire life, hit me.... very hard.

[@Amethyst_Herondale]

I would highly recommend The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy as good aro/ace representation! The main character is aro and ace in a time period where the vocabulary for those identities doesn’t exist. It’s a great book in general and the representation is amazing!

[@dontmisunderstand6041]

Latin has been around for a very long time. Most words in european languages are pretty much just latin stapled together until it delivers an idea. Once you know enough roots and modifiers it doesn't even have to be a real word to deliver the exact meaning you want to someone who's never heard it before.

[@Ayelet_BringThemHome]

I love this video. There is also the problematic trope of asexual characters being associated with death. It also happens a lot to aromantic characters. But I think it happens, at least mostly, in books. I think it might happen a lot when they are the villains, a trope that was mentioned here, but this is a more specific trope, and not always connected. I LOVE Alice Oseman's books, and Loveless is my favorite. I was recently triggered by the very aphobic discussion about Marvel's Yelena Belova on tumblr, about whether she is canonically aroace in the comics, heavily implied to be aroace or just implied and whether shpping her romantically is ok or not and people are very aphobic in this discussion, mostly arophobic, even saying it is lesbophobic not to ship her romantically with Kate Bishop. It hurts that aros and aces often don't get solidarity.

[@alleyjustalley4289]

I grabbed the game outer worlds recently and while I knew Parvati was ace beforehand, I was kind of taken aback by how well done discussions surrounding her sexuality are. At the very least, I know I related a lot to it as a decent chunk of her personal quest line is about navigating her feelings regarding a woman who is romantically interested in her and the fact she wants that romantic relationship but worries about what should happen if sex comes up and whether it’s okay at first until it isn’t. Even the mention that others saw her as cold (the person who gives machines names and treats them like very good friends) due to her lack of sexual desire hit me at least pretty hard. I’m admittedly still early on in the game so maybe something changes later but from what I’ve seen so far, I think she’s pretty good rep.

[@windnaria7975]

When the discussions with Parvati about being ace came up in the game I actually cried. I liked the character already so much and then she was an ace, like me. On top of Parvati being ace, it also hit me hard that you, as the player character, could say that you're an ace as well (the term was not used but still) and Parvati being so happy that there's someone else who doesn't experience sexual attraction. It felt so so so good, like nothing I've ever experienced before, at least not that strongly.

[@writteninstarlight1649]

What platform is this game on? I find it hard to find any representation of ace and romantic... Like the two can't coexist without asexual attraction (trying to explain aesthetic attraction to people seems to always go over their heads and leaves me feeling pretty useless)

[@clearlynotaneldritchhorror8798]

@@writteninstarlight1649 It's on ps4, Xbox one, switch, and pc Make sure you get *The Outer Worlds* and not accidentally The Outerwilds they are two different space games.

[@degenerate2281]

I went into the game not knowing that, so imagine my euphoria at being pleasantly surprised! I loved the representation there 100%

[@laylafoodwizard9505]

@@writteninstarlight1649 xbox, Playstation, switch , and PC

[@fgufui7139]

so far my favorite aro-ace rep was jughead in the 2015-2017 comic, its absolutley not about explaining anything, but I can really see myself in jughead. probably the first time ive ever felt seen

[@daffyphack]

I loved seeing that, and it made it all the more disappointing when that Riverdale series came out.

[@moondivine2288]

@@daffyphack Saying this as a aroace Riverdale didn’t have to make Jughead aro-ace. In the past Jughead did have some love interests. He was even in his own love triangle. Temporarily though. Personally I’m happy riverdale he isn’t aroace. The show is terrible. I abandoned it years ago. If they kept Jughead asexual I would have continued watching for the representation. But my eyes would bleed at everything else.

[@trinaq]

"Sexuality is fluid. Sex doesn't make us whole. So, how could you ever be broken?" My absolute favourite line from "Sex Education", and it made me cry happy tears the first time I saw this episode. 💜🖤🤍

[@Abraham-gf1oi]

I rolled my eyes, it was a bit too on the nose

[@smelly4498]

@@Abraham-gf1oi it was supposed to be, no? i would imagine the woman didn’t want to beat around the bush because of how upset the girl seemed. imo stating it plainly is much better than being vague and having people argue over whether it’s representation or not

[@amandak.5967]

Me too, it hit harder than I expected :)

[@ADevilFromHeaven]

Yes. It really hit Hard 🖤🤍💜

[@filmecke2618]

@@Abraham-gf1oi im not asexual but I think it was really well done because she didn’t talk to the girl she talked to the audience and some of them maybe didn’t even knew the concept of asexuality ^^

[@gferraro2916]

[very veiled spoilers for season 2 of Good Omens, which everyone should watch btw] It's probably unnecessary to point out at this point but I feel like Neil Gaiman's words back then were taken way out of context, his wasn't an attempt at no homoing Aziraphale and Crowley but a response to someone saying he was a coward for not calling them explicitly gay, to which he replied that he wasn't going to call them gay because he wanted to leave to possibility of reading them as ace, bi or non binary and among other replies that stated this explicitly the one you mentioned was taken out of context and yeah it looks bad on its own, but that's not what he meant. Honestly Gaiman has been nothing short of amazing and supportive about queer readings of his characters and good omens gave use more diversity and representation than most other shows combined but his words were always unnecessarily twisted when he's actually a great ally because, for some reason, some people have nothing better to do than give the worst possible bad faith interpretations about everything Neil says

[@TheHeathersponge]

I didn't feel sexual attraction to anyone in my early teens, my friends were getting boyfriends and talking about people they were attracted to but I didn't get it and thought they might be making it up. Turns out I am Pan but when one of my friends in her mid twenties told me she was Ace she was relieved when I said "no I can understand that, tell me more" because most other people had told her she just hadn't met the right person yet. Me and her went through similar experiences because of lack of representation despite our different sexual orientation.

[@oliviajones6892]

When I was in middle school, my nickname was “Robot” because I had trouble expressing myself and I lacked any romantic or sexual feelings towards others. My friends weren’t mean about it, but I’ve always doubted myself because of it. I have identified with every single Star Trek character you mentioned, and I’m almost positive I’m ace and possibly aro. But I’ve listened to people tell me Im just a late bloomer all my life. I feel like there’s a piece missing that I just can’t understand. Why is it so important how someone looks? I just don’t get it. I love seeing ace representation (or at least coding) in stories because I relate to them way more. A romance that focuses on mutual understanding and admiration makes way more sense to me than attraction. I can’t wait to see more good representation in the coming years.

[@jelatinosa]

Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. I bought into the "late bloomer" thing, because I eventually found someone I fell in love with and am greatly attracted to, but something still didn't feel "right". Despite being in a sexual/romantic relationship, I still found I had trouble relating with others in terms of how they experience the world and their feelings when it comes to sex and sexuality. I can't just look at another person and immediately desire them sexually, that's just weird, but most people do that it seems, by the way they express themselves. I thought that was just exaggerated in entertainment media for the longest time, but the more I talk to people, the more it seems this is actually how they are. It's kinda cringey to me, to be honest. Anyway, like I said, I still felt different, despite having "finally bloomed", so when I heard about someone's experience being demisexual, and felt I could finally relate to how someone else experiences sexuality and attraction, I looked into it, and realized I fit somewhere in this grey spectrum of asexuality, that is demisexuality. It finally makes sense to me.

[@pheonixrises11]

@@jelatinosa I relate to this so much! I’m also demisexual!

[@AdinaIspas]

Exactly! I follow the Greek Heroic Tradition (it was all about men, but I am a tomboy, so I don’t see it as a lack of female representation) and that’s what I’m into. I don’t understand it when people (even aro-aces to whom I do relate on the practical level) say that they’re not interested in “pleasing a partner,” because in my mind the central most special relationship was never about trying to please some random partner who’s disconnected from my reality - instead it is about going on adventures and changing the world together; and yes totally admiring this involved personality of the other, and their interests and joy/pleasure they feel in themselves. Platonicism is romantic, physical and spiritual connection between two men, but the people for whom the Heroic Tradition was written were women… ie. it’s a form of initiation not into masculine ideals, but into queerness on one hand, and women’s liberation from restrictive roles on the other.

[@riirah1010]

@@jelatinosa I love this comment. I was told I was a late bloomer even in middle school, and I was fully convinced. But I never really cared about what orientation I was, and I never looked at someone and thought "wow, I'd smash." I thought that was just a trope in media as well, but my friends have confirmed it to be real. Even despite never feeling that, people still tried to tell me I couldn't be ace, which is absolutely wild on so many levels. The weirdest thing to me is how sex is prioritized over romance, and then romance over friendship. I've always put more energy into my friendships than anything else, so seeing the opposite in media was always strange. Now I'm comfortable in my identity and jokingly call myself homiesexual :3

[@nomadine85]

18:10pissed me off oh my god. 😠 “We don’t have an example of something that has consciousness that doesn’t also have a sexual component.” 😡

[@kai_maceration]

Wow I didn't know I apparently don't have consciousness, good to know /s

[@merrymermaid]

@@kai_maceration does /s mean serious or sarcastic?

[@kai_maceration]

@@merrymermaid sarcastic. I believe /srs means serious

[@toothfairy10133]

god i wish i didnt have a consciousness

[@NothingHumanisAlientoMe]

What about God?

[@nininoona]

I hope you see this comment: As to your comment about not seeing, in particular, gay ace Asian representation, I want to direct you to the Korean film "Between Complete and Incomplete" that came out in October of this year. Its a story about a polyamorous gay throuple, told from the point of view of the Ace character. The trailer is on YT, the movie is available on Vimeo.

[@feonaarabellaparaiso1786]

The only common thing I have found with all asexuals and aromantics, is that they really like dragons. It’s not even a joke. All of the ones that I know in real life are super into dragons for some reason and I don’t know why. So I propose that during pride, we should slap on a dragon on the asexual and a romantic flags, so that you guys are truly represented.

[@gloomybarrel6812]

I’ve read this before, and I find it so funny because of how accurate it is for me. I’m a sex-repulsed hetero-romantic asexual and I absolutely love dragons, always have lol I am totally in support of adding a dragon to the asexual and aromantic flags!

[@erinasnow]

Hi! I am not really into dragons. They're cool and all, but I am far, far more into magic. (Not the game)

[@mrq.1236]

Lmao I hate dragons 😭

[@noratheelk3729]

9:35 “doing what you’re supposed to do to fit in” I’ve never been in a romantic relationship with anyone but as an autistic (and asexual) person, I find this very relatable.

[@bluishblow]

i would like to express how happy i am that the asexual community has a representative so wonderful and well-articulated that helps to spread the word about ace themes even for allo people ❤

[@emilyontheinternet843]

Some books I’ve read with ace characters: How to Be Ace by Rebecca Burgess; Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann and Guardian of the Dead by Karen Healy

[@luuuuux_]

The main character in Loveless by Alice Oseman is ace and I’d highly recommend it because it’s amazing.

[@helena8359]

adding more recs here so more people can see them! - The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl (aroace and bi demisexual mcs) - The Art of Saving the World by Corinne Duyvis (ace lesbian mcs) - Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand (ace straight mc) - Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee (ace straight mc) - Hazel's Theory of Evolution by Lisa Jenn Bigelow (aroace mc) - Rick by Alex Gino (aroace mc) - Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman (aroace mc) - Into the Blue by Pene Henson (gay demisexual mc, ace sapphic side character) - Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe (ace author, autobiographic comic) - Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia (ace straight mc) - Radio Silence by Alice Oseman (achillean demisexual mc) - Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire (ace straight mc) - Unburied Fables (anthology centred on ace rep)

[@dannyanderson2236]

I love what you said about asexuality possibly being a temporary identity. I'm bisexual and I've always been a very sexual person, but due to medication I HAVE TO take I've been identifying with the asexual spectrum a lot. I struggle with openly saying it as I'm afraid it might be invalidating to asexual people who have always/will always identify as asexual. But the truth is I've found more comfort in this community than any other lately.

[@charlott2200]

As an aroace person ,i think you have the terms a bit confused bewthen our sexual orientacion and the libido 💜💚 I think the libido and desire are lower ,but not your BI atracction 💙💖💜 But is okay if you like this terms better and feel welcome in the ace community . Asexuality is not having sexual atraction . Meaning I dont found anyone sexually atractive , dont feel the sexual atraction to another person (same with my aromantic part ) Also *sexual atraccion (having a desire to be sexual with someone ) is different to * aesthetic attraction (finding someone pretty /beautiful ) and *sexual /aestetic are different of romantic atraction (wanting to be in a romantic relationship with someone ) 💚💜 But i still have a lot of libido ,and like having sex (in fact i like it so much i wanted to be a sexologist ) Both are separate , im a ace with a high libido . I think this is not so talked about , allmost all ace representacion is sex repulsed( which of course is valid ) but never been able to connect much with the issues they have cause im asexual like them ,i understhan the pressure of """being normal (being in a romantic sexual relationship""" like when emily was a teen and told tod "you have to like someone " . I identify with all that ..but also i like sex , i really like sex ,just cause i dont feel /see atraction in my partner dosent mean i dont like the relationship we have . When most of the character arcs ends happy with the ace character not being pressure to be in a romantic relation /not having sex . Or when the character agrees on the sex to have kids . (I dont want kids at all ,i actually dislike a lot that trope ) Makes me feel a bit out of place ,i sometimes i even doubt when i always been so sure and proud to found who im ,since i 1 found the term at 13 y/o in tumblr . We need more ace representation of all , and more representation of platonic relationships .

[@mykodibear17]

@@charlott2200 Very true! There's a big difference between being asexual and not wanting sex for a period of time. Depression, medication, physical/emotional trauma and many other things can effect someone's libido and/or ability to feel sexual attraction without making them asexual. I love the metaphor that's common in the community that sexual attraction is like having an appetite while libido is like feeling hungry. One is a mental/emotional desire, the other is a physical feeling, and they can exist separately just like how your body will still eventually be hungry even if you don't feel like eating. I never see this distinction talked about outside of the ace community, because I suppose for allo's they happen together so there's no need, but it is an important one to understand.

[@theTruthSeekerishere]

I also don't believe asexuality is a temporary identity. If people feel that way then so is homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality and I don't believe that.

[@not4440]

as an aroace person labels are about making you feel comfortable. i don't really see any problem with someone who is identifying as asexual bc they're on meds or as a non permanent label, sexuality is fluid and it's not my nor anyone else’s decision how someone else wants to identify.

[@not4440]

@@theTruthSeekerishere asexuality isn't homosexuality or heterosexuality though. and sexuality is fluid, so you could use homosexual heterosexual bisexual etc as “temporary” labels if you wanted to.

[@jennaperkin]

Got around to finishing this video... As an ace person, this commentary hit home. You're very articulate and easy to listen to, and the subject you're discussing is both relevant and important. Great video!

[@brianford978]

I am so glad you mentioned Loveless! I love that book and wish more people knew about it. I agree that it should be a show or movie. Not only is it a good coming of age/discovering the world story, but it's also a great example of ace/aromantic representation. It covers internal struggles, struggles with her peers, and even struggles with family. It is a really good book. I loved it thoroughly.

[@kikitauer]

Thank you for speaking about how autism, asexuality and aliens tropes are often conflated or put together and how hard it can be. As an autistic asexual lesbian I appreciate it. I already got used to think about myself as an alien anyway 👽🖖🤘

[@cassandrastewart1391]

Autistic female here. Not just “a little autistic” but fairly severe, kind of a savant situation for lack of a better word. I work with the autistic population as well. I’m pretty sure I have PGAD and am hyper-sexual, not promiscuous tho, just sexual. I have ethical guidelines around sex because I’m also a submissive in the BDSM community. What I have noticed is that while autism *can* affect a person’s sexuality, it doesn’t mean that we’re always either ace or hyper sexual. Some of us are just normal, but have limits about things like “I can’t have sex in the shower” (me) or “don’t touch my face” (also me). I’m glad you brought this up.

[@babyblue3717]

I'm someone with schizoid personality disorder and i think it would be a thousand times better if instead of coding all asexual characters as autistic, they would consider the possibility of them being schizoid. Most schizoids are asexual anyway, and my head cannon is that Sherlock is 100% schizoid. He fits all the criteria!! So yeah, i find it a little ignorant to always associate autism with asexuality.

[@docholliday1882]

​@@babyblue3717 I'm ace, but I always suspected I may be schizoid too. The checklist makes too much sense. Especially given my upbringing.

[@tymondabrowski12]

@@babyblue3717 sherlock in general seems to be universal representation :P for example, he also fits the criteria for ADHD Primarily Inattentive (he can only focus if the task is about something he's interested in, his things are in disarray, he generally has trouble "adulting", etc.) and he even has some hyperactivity symptoms too. That of course doesn't have much in common with asexuality, though I'm sure some people with ADHD just are like that. Though, it might be just that he finds it boring (as he says himself, "dull"). I wouldn't be sure about schizoid, because he does seem to want to engage and pursue a reliationship with John and his not-a-landlady. But I'm not a psychiatrist and he's a fictional character anyway.

[@rayne333]

i’m sure you meant no harm, but please don’t stigmatize being ace (or hypersexual for that matter) by saying that other’s are just “normal” which implies being ace is not normal. really not a good look. also i’ve literally never heard of someone being “just a little autistic” that’s not a thing. you are just as autistic even if you don’t fall into stereotypes or “appear” to be autistic to others. we can talk about the low vs high functioning ableist bs but that’s a whole conversation in itself. again, i’m sure you meant no harm and just worded things poorly, but words do matter so please try to be thoughtful of others and not invalidating of their experiences in an attempt to validate your own.

[@alexanderpowers7369]

@@rayne333 There are definitely degrees of neurodivergence, which one could describe on a scale of "severity." As someone with severe ADHD, I often feel the need to explain that I am not "just a little" ADHD because my social functioning is significantly more impaired by my neurodivergence than people tend to be familiar with (even people familiar with ADHD). I understand that there's an issue with regards to ranking the "legitimacy" of someone's neurodivergence based on its severity; that is to say, often people treat "minor" neurodivergence as less real than "major" neurodivergence and this is a problem, however it's also important to have the language to describe the degree to which one's neurodivergence impacts their functioning. Right now, the language we use to describe that is in terms of severity, and I do think it is possible to decouple concepts of severity and legitimacy.

[@magsamost]

I consider myself somewhere on the ace spectrum (tbh defining my sexuality is not that important to me because it's just not part of my life) but I really want to (on top of explicitly ace characters) just be able to see stories where sexuality and romance isn't a part of it. Like I hate that no matter the genre there basically has to be a romance aspect or subplot even if that's not what the movie is about. Like even allo people have "stories" in their life that are wholly unrelated to romance and sex and thats ok. Other relationships matter, other goals matter. I just hate the idea that someone's (especially a woman's) story isn't complete or fulfilling without romance.

[@radiium1804]

This makes me want to make a web comic of exclusively ace or aro characters just to explore all the different experiences people can have.

[@user-kh5lg6eq7e]

Im working on one rn

[@Muffinn_Cakes]

I would totally read that

[@your_average_nerd6861]

This sounds amazing

[@sahelhappenstance8992]

14:36 the captions saying "gay men" instead of "Gaiman" 😭

[@hlichr7957]

im enby and im in a relationship with my ace girlfriend. The sad thing is that there is so little information on asexuality that I didn't even know it was a spectrum. Thank you for these videos! I'm trying to learn as much as I can to be a respectful loving partner 💕

[@littlestpineapple2898]

Murderbot remains my favorite aroace rep of all time. Those books were hugely helpful when I finally came out as aro and I've read them like a million times. Murderbot isn't human (it's like a cyborg? idk half robot construct thing?) but the whole series is an argument for its personhood so it super works for me. (But fair warning if ace robot/aliens aren't really your thing)

[@eiliscantsleep]

I'd agree with muderbot being a far more complex example of non human non binary and asexual simply because the whole point of the series is about questioning assumptions we have about personhood. It's a far more conscious exploration of this trope than most. Similarly for me, murderbot works as an exploration of neurodivergance- it isnt neurodivergant because it's a robot, it's a robot who is also neurodivergant.

[@katc3234]

I agree!!! I both adore and relate to Murderbot's general annoyance when confronted with the sexual stuff. It's such a fascinating exploration of person hood and I desperately want to see other SecUnits going rogue so we can see how different their takes on things are. Maybe Murderbot's neurodivergence is what gave it the edge to hack its own programming? Maybe its aroaceness allowed it some sort of advantage? That'd be so cool to see explored.

[@wordforger]

And I'd add that apart from Murderbot being pretty awesome, it inhabits a galaxy where sexuality, gender, and relationship status are basically just a descriptor, not anything to be fussed over. Murderbot chooses to remain sexless and genderless when it has to make some adjustments to its physical composition. However, even if it doesn't ever get straight-up romantic and lovey-dovey, it is more than capable of forming deep attachments to people (of all kinds).

[@corasgrove3474]

I would love to hear more about books. What I would like to see is older aro ace characters enjoying their life while friends are pairing off and having kids - it would be nice to have some examples as that's what I'm struggling with!

[@lucymiller8172]

This was incredible!! I am still figuring out my ace identity and this made me so so happy😊🖤💜

[@mhavens8532]

THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH FOR TALKING ABOUT THE STUFF WITH AUTISM AND ACE/ARO! I'm autistic, but I also happen to be ace and my family doesn't believe me because they think I'll "grow out of it" or "change my mind" (I'm almost a legal adult btw). They can't understand that it's not a maturity thing and I can't even explain how ableist it is because they never believe it. I really hope your video helps clear up other people's confusion with it all. Ps. Love your videos even though I'm a bit late to discovering your channel

[@lucypreece7581]

I still read Sheldon Cooper as Ace Spectrum like maybe Demi Sexual. He took a very long time being intimate with Amy and even then he did it for her as a birthday gift because he knew it was something she would value. He only engaged in intimacy with Amy after forming a deep emotional bond with her. That's still Ace Spectrum.

[@maplepainttube8158]

I have thought that too, but I also have considered that he is asexual but sleeps with Amy for her benefit, seeing as he has to schedule when they do it on their honey moon or else he knows he'll not think to initiate it. But it could go either way. It's kind of hard to guess because I'm pretty sure the writers were not intending either.

[@lucypreece7581]

@@maplepainttube8158 the writers have said they didn't write a lot of stuff that way but Jim Parsons specifically chose to act the part that way. He has said in interviews that he chose to act Sheldon with autistic traits to him as thats how he interpreted the character when he read the script. Sheldon just always felt to me like he was somewhere on the Ace Spectrum. His disdain for babies and pregnancy, his complete obliviousness at first to when Ramona Newitsky was crushing on him and when she was trying to steal him away from Amy, the long time it took for him to be physical with Amy. And a lot of his inimate moments with her are for her benefit. He snuggled with her when she was upset and hurting not because he wanted to. He was giving her comfort but snuggling is still intimate.

[@realMacMadame]

I still thought of him as ace and aro even after dating Amy and getting married. Some ace and aro people do end up getting married for companionship and social benefits or to raise kids and things like that. It doesn't change their sexuality. The growth he experienced was in how to understand other people better and not always have it be about him. Like having sex with her on her birthday because it was important to her. The aftermath scene where she is blissful and he looks unimpressed was very telling to me. It wasn't a scene where he suddenly understands what the fuss over is about. But the rest of Rowan's points were spot on to me. This is the only area where I disagreed.

[@lucypreece7581]

@@realMacMadame I agree. Whether it was a writing decision from the shows creators or an acting choice by Jim Parsons I deffo read Sheldon as both on the autism spectrum and the Ace spectrum.

[@shaunsteele8244]

that's the default human setting, we just happen to live in a hyper sexualized culture that makes it seem weird

[@mentallyunstable1926]

i identify as ace and on the arospec and was diagnosed with asd fairly recently and imo it’s easy to tell when someone has good intentions when coding or making an aro/ace autistic character. big bang theory was *so close* to getting it right but they screwed it up. not an autistic character but for contrast when i read loveless by alice oseman it was such good representation i could tell that the author was speaking from experience. if you know what it’s like you know when people have good intentions imo.

[@luuuuux_]

Hello again! Also, loveless is an amazing book.

[@Hecateofcrossroads]

Sheldon for me is still seen as asexual your right that they were close a line in the show was by leanord saying “we have been aprating under the assumption that he has no deal” of course with asexuality being a sexuality/sexual orentiation asexuality would be his “deal” but still

[@bookishdaydreams4993]

“Let’s Talk About Love” by Claire Kann is a lovely novel about a black, biromantic, ace woman navigating dating and other relationships in her life. Highly, highly recommend!

[@blueaugustrice]

At some point as a kid, I thought I was a sociopath doomed to be alone forever. But now I'm a loveless aroace, doomed to be alone forever.

[@maironelfstone896]

POV: you're watching this after Good Omens 2

[@imafrogguy]

You’re such an amazing human bro I look up to you so much🥺

[@Furore2323]

Thank you so much, having people like you and David Bradley talk candidly and warmly about asexuality has helped immensely in learning to understand myself.

[@BernicePanders]

As a physically disabled (from childhood) survivor of abuse, on the spectrum & with aspergers, who would have been trans if not for my health & non-existent support or resources, I never had a chance... 🏳️‍🌈🖖😅

[@arielgalles2107]

I weirdly relate to the asexual robot. I operate on a completely different wavelength in regards to relationships compared to my friends, so the confused detachment of these characters to normal relationship conventions resonates with my deeply.

[@chibibble]

I think a great space to find good ace rep is in indie projects. Since they don't have to go through a corporate filter, indie projects like self published books, comics, and video games are where I've found some of the most well rounded and fulfilling representation. One of my favorites is Aurora, a comic by notably ace KZbinr and writer Red (from OverlySarcasticProductions). Another is the comic Castoff by Star Prichard, aka TheStarFishFace, who is also a noted ace writer and KZbinr. Both of these creators have explicitly stated that many, if not near all, of their characters are ace. But the nice thing about these stories is that it's not the focus. They're stories about trust, friendship, and comradery, magic, and worlds filled with fascinating lore and intrigue that I can't get enough of. And if I may be so bold, my own comic has a lot of these elements as well. Along with the two main leads being ace, each in different ways (one is simply aro/ace, plain and simple, while the other is ace due to trauma), there are also some enby's and bi's thrown in the mix if you want a little extra spice. But honestly, these are just the surface level of a mile deep tale of betrayal, forgiveness, and mystery, all taking place in an epic fantasy adventure. It's called Crossing Worlds (on Webtoon), so feel free to take a look if you're interested. At the end of the day, I'm truly excited to see more and more ace rep surfacing, as it goes to show that I'm not alone in trying to bring attention to these stroies.

[@SubKween]

I agree that not all autistic people should be considered Ace but it makes sense where the confusion comes from. My daughter isn’t interested in sex but she is unsure if it’s because she’s asexual or because she’s autistic and doesn’t like certain forms of intimacy. She’s 21 and has never dated anyone, never kissed anyone… She has had romantic feelings for people before but never sexual.

[@HomegirlMontoyaDPS]

I obviously can't speak for your daughter or make any definite declarations, but to my understanding, for what it's worth - if she's never experienced sexual attraction, that sounds more asexual than autistic to me. Autism, to me, would be more about, say, sensory issues, and the lack of interest in physical affection, as you said. Like, autism = "I have found people sexually attractive but the act of sex itself is repulsive or unappealing to me," asexual = "I have never been sexually attracted to anyone", since asexuality isn't so much about libido or the desire for sex itself and is more about actually wanting to have sex with other, specific people. Does that make sense? Of course, it could also be both. Sex and sexuality are complex and so are the feelings surrounding them. Regardless, good on you for being a supportive and understanding parent!

[@heyna1185]

I don‘t think she needs to make a differentiation between autism and asexuality. She can be both. And there‘s no reason to force anything either. A good friend of mine isn’t autistic but had a similar experience with romantic attraction. However she fell in love with someone at 21. Your daughter doesn‘t need to rush anything. If she ever does experience sexual attraction that‘s fine, she may just have it in very specific circumstances but she may also never experience it and both options are completely fine.

[@messinalyle4030]

Potentially your daughter could be both autistic and asexual. But I think her search to discover whether she is uninterested in sex due to her touch aversion or due to her not feeling sexual attraction is a worthwhile search for her to be engaging in, and should be supported, because that is useful information to have. Personally I am autistic, asexual, and aromantic. Yes, I do have issues with touch in some circumstances, but that is not why I lack the capacity to feel sexual attraction. I could potentially experience sexual attraction while still being touch-repulsed.

[@CrookiNari]

As an autistic person who started dating another autistic person when I was 24, there really is no rush. And as other people have said, it really comes down to whether you feel sexually attracted to someone or are averse to physical affection.

[@rinpaisys]

Aro ace agender ASD nearing 30 year old person here, It’s entirely possible to be both. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, nor do they have to be related to each other. They aren’t mutually exclusive. I am Aromantic, Asexual, Agender, AND Autistic. I am not any of these things BECAUSE of any of the others. Things can be related, sure, but they don’t have to be. It’s fine to just accept that you can have multiple facets of who you are that play off each other, but aren’t because of each other in any way.

[@natsukitatsumakiniji]

"If we're being honest with this, I think it would genuinely be a really good writing exercise for a lot of non-asexual writers to have to come up with story lines, stakes, and relationships that don't revolve around sex or cheating or like lust at first sight." Already have a story in progress for a committed relationship between four lovers (one trans) figuring out their careers and lives; and another with two husbands forcibly separated and finding their ways back to each other, luckily through the help of a mutual ex (non-binary, likes men)... But you just gave me some food for thought for a third book or at least more additional information to background characters for the current two... Thank you! I think I can reach out to those I know who are asexual (aromantic, heteroromantic, panromantic, and homoromantic) and the vice-versa, but if anyone has some other good sources like Rowan Ellis's channel (books, blogs, etc.) please recommend!

[@meddlesome-]

David J Bradley is an aroace youtuber and has longform videos about aspec representation and experiences!

[@meddlesome-]

for blogs, theacetheist, thethinkingasexual, asexualagenda, and nextstepcake, all on wordpress!

[@natsukitatsumakiniji]

@@meddlesome- Thank you so much! I'll check them out now.

[@icywishbone909]

The lack of good aro/ace representation makes me want to write a book with an aro and/or ace main character. The problem is I can't focus enough to write even one chapter lol

[@gummidon1618]

@@whatsyourname9581 you got this dude I know you can do it!

[@jiru9876]

I know! Although I’m not aro or ace, I also really want to write a book with an aro/ace mc because I really want to represent as many people as I can in the LGBTQ+ community, being in it myself. I’ve actually started planning some things but getting past the planning stage is really hard for me, because I can never really think of enough conflict to put in, or what events exactly happen throughout the story.

[@_____________a_a]

I’m working on a graphic novel where the MC’s best friend is fully aro/ace. I’m thinking the mc will be greyro or demiro while definitely being demisexual. Sadly I’m stuck on chapter 3’s outline.

[@AlexisMitchell87]

I'm asexual and on the Autism Spectrum. I didn't understand my asexuality until my late twenties and was in my early thirties when diagnosed with ASD. Oddly enough, people had similar reactions to both. The stereotypes associated with both caused my family to initially be very dismissive and invalidating. Fortunately, they've been willing to learn and listen which has made a significant difference.

[@saraanderson2784]

I only discovered asexual/aromantic terms when I was maybe 24ish and growing up, going through puberty and seeing my peers become obsessed with sex/ having crushes and wanting to date other people confused me so much. In my head I often did relate to a robot as I just didn’t get ‘it.’ I’d often do research in order to fit in as I realised I wasn’t like most people and would be seen as weird.