Im so sorry for your loss of Spencer....your videos have been helpful to me and thank you for being vulnerable and honest. My husband and I are also in the midst of grieving our beagle furbaby Gomer. Ive done those same things, screamed, sob and stored his collar to preserve his smell among other things. We experienced similar issues with adding a medication that caused horrible side effects with treating seizures being caused by a brain tumor. Although in our situation I dont belive the medication killed him but it certainly took away the quality of life during the trial of getting it therapeutic in his system. I dont feel there are words to descibe the grief adequately but I read somewhere where this heavy grief is a burden of abscence, the abscence of their joy, love , presence and personality being here... We completely rearranged our lives to care for Gomer and he was our child also as we dont have children either. Prayers for you and your family as you go through this journey again.🙏💜🐾