The Secret Power of Unsent Letters

[@okashajabbar3500]

"The less we are able to express, the more unwell we get" So useful, yet so less taught

[@milan.comedy]

That one hit deep

[@Krab062]

Real.

[@ibugurudyah]

👍

[@jaughnekow]

i think it is because nobody is willing to listen. we all have our problems and if we talk about it, it creates more problems. this is why i think opening up to people is bad advice.

[@dawid9113]

​@@jaughnekowYou just have to know who to open up to and who with you should avoid doing so.

[@alexmathewmendoza]

I had a friend that I'd known since high school. We went through many ups and downs. Just after pandemic began, I said something that fully ended our friendship. My decision was poor, and I regretted the way in which I worded my feelings. Of course I was blocked across all social media by her and I never pursued her in any way as I understood that it was permanent this time. But my feelings remained, the bitterness and longing for her to hear my end of things, even if I had no right to tell her. What I did was I wrote a lengthy, detailed text in which I apologized for what I'd said, acknowledged my wrongs, and admitted that none of what I'd written was supposed to sway her one way or the other. I never sent the text. I wrote it in my iPhone's note app and never sent it, but the weight that it lifted was well worth my time.

[@Thelatenightchipshopexperience]

What did you say?!!

[@RoboBreaker]

What did you say that was so bad

[@troillandford7679]

Lol even your phone was like your oversharing bro

[@Ademus5]

I had the exact same situation but I apologized a month ago

[@visions91]

Then PRINT, sign, and MAIL it to your friend, for godsake.

[@deniseklainguti8998]

Little tip here - you can also make audio recordings, imagining talking to the person you want to. You can express all of your emotions there, too :)

[@haru007]

Remind of talking to the air

[@homonovusdmn]

really good tip! Thanks!

[@BD638]

I wrote an unsent letter yesterday venting my frustrations to some people that hurt me. I burned it fire as I let go. I feel much much better now.

[@minganwolf]

I stumbled across a kind of letter I wrote a year ago to someone. I never sent it to him, but reading it now I understand how emotionally unwell I was at the time, and that I awaited my salvation from that person. That, of course, never came, but looking back and seeing how much my mental health improved since then is very encouraging now.

[@brendamandrak2863]

I sent my letters to the person who was to be my salvation and lost a great relationship! My letters were true but mental!

[@arletbode4847]

I am a 25 year old woman and I need to write letters to many “girl friends” from my past who I was so eager to make a genuine connection with but they didn’t care a bit about me and didn’t appreciate my efforts to be loving to them. All from elementary school to college. I think it has affected my psyche deeply because I dream about this on a weekly basis. The theme of being rejected by friends.

[@owenkariuki4438]

I have three unsent letters to my abusive dad, my traumatized inner child and to my future dad self.

[@MicheleEngel]

Wow! Pretty much guarantees that you WILL be a great father. I can’t say how much I respect your taking responsibility for being the best YOU that you can be.❤

[@owenkariuki4438]

@@MicheleEngel thank you so much for these kind words.

[@moonk990]

​@@owenkariuki4438 My dad was never close to me, wasn't emotionally capable of closeness.. at age 23 I still don't know how to fill the void my parents made in me. It gives me comfort to hear this. You will be a great dad.. be blessed ❤ Thank you

[@helen2158]

I have dozens of unsent letters. They helped me to work out complex and often painful relationships with people who emotionally abused me. A letter has (besides therapy) been the only way to address these /is particularly helpful if you are dealing with people with whom any further conversation would likely lead to more harm. It’s a safe way of finding closure.

[@lauraanderson5942]

I like writing love letters I’ll never send. I used to give them to people who ended up hurting me so now I keep those lovely pieces of my soul to myself ❤

[@Artsu1993]

I'd love to get a love letter from you!

[@Blackbird_-hz7lq]

I can‘t express enough how much it helps. I‘ve had people which I couldn‘t get over for YEARS and when I wrote a letter the next day I was fully over him. Furthermore, I was able to forgive my father by writing him a letter and also writing his apology letter.

[@starcatcher3691]

This is exactly what I need.

[@tierrahf7018]

I 've always done this . Casually still. One time though. I wrote on a piece of paper . And it was my rage .what was going on with my family,and how it was falling apart. And my step-dad saw it .... and honestly it was kind of nice someone wanted to help. He had no idea, I felt that way. Now we talk alot more .

[@bam-dh6tj]

That’s really nice, thank you for sharing. I think I should try this

[@oishi5518]

But one time it backfired for me, should be more careful in hiding the letters, I suppose😔

[@AndyMcDrew]

I really like it when I express a feeling to someone which I had been always afraid how they would respond and kept it inside, but then when they find out how I felt they support me and I feel so much better it's insane I'm so glad I said that by accident because now I know they support me and I don't have to feel like they wouldn't understand. Because they do now. And I realize they porbably would understand other things too that I was afraid of speaking about, I just need to tell then so they can help me

[@michellewasthere]

I did this several times during a year of anger, devastation, and depression. It helped me to see what events led to my sad state of mental health. My life is still messed up and need to do a 180 with it.

[@shreyamishra916]

wish u all the luck

[@michellewasthere]

@@shreyamishra916 Thank you, step by step we move forward!

[@craven5328]

@michelleg925 Agreed! Take care internet stranger, and all the best to you :)

[@elenadita845]

I have all the trust you will turn your life around, one degree at a time, all the best! 🤗

[@michellewasthere]

@@craven5328 Thank you, wishing you well!

[@Reevay762]

What a wonderful video. Right on time! 😅😊 Here's to writing more therapeutic letters that will never be sent! Here's to healing! 😊 Let's stop suffering unnecessarily!

[@birboartt6598]

Everytime I feel melancholy and grief for love, I come to this channel and it's amazing how it always helps me to hear some logical but emotionally thoughtful words.

[@janehusted9570]

Thank you for the words "Grief for love" this gave me so much Peace. My son was found dead a year ago. I have been alienated from the family. You never know how your words can bring Sunshine to someone's darkest times❤

[@Enysomenm]

@@janehusted9570im really sorry for your loss

[@yarajaber1373]

I am working on a writing project that is primarily letters. Even though I do not know when or if I will ever publish it, I am healing myself, as well as creating beautiful pieces of literature. It is absolutely transformative and rewarding knowing that every human experience is valid and worthy of telling on paper, no matter how sad or painful the reality behind it may be.

[@educostanzo]

Yes, writing unsent letters is a very useful tool, and I think it's even more useful if we're able to keep the letters in a safe place (maybe digitally) and read them some time later, maybe a year from the time they're written. We can get a new perspective on the subject of the letter and about who we were back then and how we were reacting at the time.

[@tagarbakhtawar]

Every time I write my sad and angry feelings down, they just…. GO AWAY?! An email to therapist works equally great! It’s magic!

[@salonikullar3627]

Tbh this is one of the benefits of therapy. You are able to say what is unsaid or what has been bottled up in you for so long , and it might be the most painful experience too, like removing a thorn from your skin , but you get ultimate relief once you have removed it, and therapy provides that space for you❤❤

[@erikaschaltenbrand7850]

I’m a fan of writing that damn letter and sending it! Never felt better.💪

[@tinayvonne1170]

Me too! Finally got RID of the toxic b-tch that plagued me for so long🎉

[@tinypixiekitten7806]

I've sent quite a few of mine! But learned not to send them to dangerous people.

[@BigHenFor]

It doesn't matter whether you send it or not. After all, you can't control what will happen when you send it can you? And it just might end up with your addressee putting it in the bin. So It's about really saying what you need to say in a safe space. In this context, that's the win, because once it's out of your head, on paper, it frees up space in your mind. Space that can be used to help you in the here and now. And perhaps, to be able to let go to some extent, instead being dragged around by the past.

[@trinaq]

Preach, I like writing myself letters as an exercise, since it helps me to unleash all of my thoughts and insecurities. 💕 📝

[@missjones8882]

The end of this video is so powerful! The real audience we need is OURSELVES ! Wow ❤

[@SlowWalkingMohairSam]

This clip soothed my perplexed mind. I'm off to an unsent letter writing spree to free the chaos trapped in the gray matter. Thank you!!!

[@banger1190]

i really needed to hear this, to see this to read everyone's experiences about their grievances, i really desperately needed this. thank you.

[@tonyd4445]

It's definitely helpful, more so than I thought possible. I had a lot of unresolved grief and despair that was causing me pain even 20 years later. I found writing the letters, to my grandfather who passed when I was 16, and an ex girlfriend who broke up with me just before that, very cathartic to release some or most of my emotional issues surrounding those circumstances.

[@Life_42]

I do this from time to time, and its extremely helpful. This helps so much especially when bullied in life, it's self-documentstion and self-healing at the same time!

[@mateus_barcelos]

Thank you for providing the audio transcription, you are very helpful both for the content itself and for English learning. Great job!

[@00snakeman00]

I am reading 'going postal' by Terry Pratchett right now so the timing of this video is rather serendipitous

[@poojamandal2525]

The School of Life always somehow manages to make one tear-jerker after another. Cannot believe the idea behind the creativity in the video. The script and Alain's voice.. as always.. moving..

[@محمودعبدالتواب-ح7ق]

I'm glad that I read all the comments in the comment section; one by one one. Super cool like this awesome video. A worldwide community for School of Life should be launched!

[@LeNoir2411]

For me ,i just talk to myself like I'm talking to the person i want to talk to lol it low-key has helped me since i was 4 , around teenage years i learned to write unsent letters but sometimes i feel like i don't even have the energy to write or type so I'd resort to talking to myself and yeah for me it helps more than writing down what I'm feeling .. i still have that habit in my adulthood ,though i have to do it when no one is around 😂 I've been called mentally unwell in childhood when i was caught doing that

[@yiplatino]

The content of this channel is not only one the best ones I've ever encountered in the platform, but, unlike practically any of those other brilliant content creators, this is the one with the most robust structure behind, if I am explaining myself which I hope I do... That's why I think it's the best channel I've ever encountered.

[@tazmeennaeem2228]

That is why poetry writing and journaling is therapeutic.

[@virginiatyree6705]

I've been doing this for years; writing a letter & not sending it. Good to hear youre suggesting it. Thanks for posting.

[@ibugurudyah]

Hello everyone, glad to have found this channel, very inspiring, and I think that writing comments like this is almost the same as writing letters. Thank you for the material presented in this very good video. Nice to meet you all.

[@gooderspitman8052]

Keeping a journal is a good method of getting our inner thoughts on paper and rather cathartic.

[@forensicfaithinprofiling]

I use this technique and its extremely helpful. I also use a technique where i sit isolated in a room or a car w an empty chair, and speak my feelings and thoughts.

[@Savemefromtheoctipie]

this video came right when i needed it

[@kirandeepchakraborty7921]

I've done this once unknowingly. Feels good to be honest. But with it comes hope.......a hope of one day actually giving the letter to the person for whom it is meant.❤

[@Ripley917]

Thank you for this very helpful video. I can now express myself with wild abandonment and do no harm.

[@stanceconh]

"We are giving ourselves an opportunity to feel legitimate in our own eyes. We realise that the real audience we needed all also,g was ourselves."

[@georgej7141]

Since many years ago after my Mom passed away I learnt to let go off extra baggage of angst, regret, bitterness etc because I realised just this - It's like creating a baggage which acts like an anchor which drags us on our life's journey or an ulcer which gnaws us from inside. Both damaging to only ourselves.

[@BeyondRel]

Great! Thank you for being so on point and on time 💚

[@nazwhal9076]

Thank you so much for such a glorious timing and this video have saved me.. I’ve been completely abandoned by someone that I loved so much, he was my everything, its been six months since he cut contacted with me and blocked me. Bit still I’ve been suffering greatly ever since bundling up inside, more depressed than I’ve ever been.. all I want is to talk to him again but I can’t. I’ll try this to see of it will work for me or not, thank you.

[@velocitysam4185]

Am glad this narrator is back.He has a soothing voice.

[@brendamandrak2863]

People refusing to either meet me or respond to my letters has damaged me so much. Writing logs to myself used to ease the stress but no longer works. In hindsight I realise not everyone understands the meaning of what is written, for example, my letter sent to a relative asking to discuss my mother was misinterpreted as my having a grudge against my mum! If I can't persuade people to either write back to me or meet me face to face there's zero hope of peace of mind for me.

[@MzSoulll]

Something just happened to me where i felt really disrespected...and this advice comes right on time.

[@nibbonbon]

Even though, my boyfriend has taught me to communicate, I always find myself being too afraid to communicate everything with him. But then I write it down in my notes, and I'm able to pick out the actual thing I need to communicate with him, not because I am unhappy with him, but because something bothers me. But on the bright side, yesterday, I was able to tell him how guilty I feel about always communicating my unhappiness with things, while he doesn’t, and he said, that a healthy relationship is about knowing when and how to listen to your partner when you need to. And it makes me so thankful we have met. ❤

[@zenanddone]

Sometimes writing the letter, email, message, etc. letting it be, and then deleting it is absolutely what is needed.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Really great! I remember about a year ago I WAS earlobe deep in my graduate program, my key team case manager was on extended medical leave. I wrote curt a resignation letter because the pressures were mounting. It released a little pressure. When I mentioned to a close friend they were shocked!

[@MissEzekiel]

Wow I'm surprised seeing this video title because i literally made a letter for this guy I liked to explain that I care about him but I never gave it to him, kinda got bummed out that I never did so this video was really insightful.

[@walterroux291]

Ooo! I do this with KZbin comments. I often have something I want to say, but don't want to expend the energy to deal with trolls or commit myself to a political conversation. And so I will write comments, be it to the video creator, or responding to another comment, and then delete all of it and move on with my day. It allows me to feel like I've expressed myself, but protects me from hours of pointless dialogue and exchanges.

[@doriancasapu7625]

Good on you for not not-sending this one.

[@star_is_g]

I actually do that sometimes as well, now it makes sense why it feels good to do it.

[@Oceansta]

This is extremely useful and definitely works.

[@PaulaJoW]

This is so timely! I may need a stack of paper, but I'm going to do this.

[@MrReese]

The thing is that I used to write stuff down extensively and it became a burden over time and at some point something very painful happened again and I just didn't wanna do it anymore, so I just stopped. However, I still write stuff down I wanna say to people, even if I don't ever actually say it to them. It's important to write thoughts down and get it off your chest in some way.

[@kiaram3528]

This is so on time, beautiful coincidence❤

[@scottfw7169]

"Unlent Setters" is how my sometimes foggy, neurological autoimmune disease affected, brain first read the title. And now I wonder if there really might be a dog lending agency anywhere.

[@mariaalforque6430]

I wish i knew this a 40 years ago. I didn't enjoy my life because i was carrying the painful emotion towards my family. They always shut you off if you want to express your feelings 😢 so sad life

[@KyriakosChri]

Just as always, arrived at the right time!

[@winromeo]

My nephew, 25, is smart, reserved, and high self-esteem. Sometimes his action, re-action, and words, gets on my nerves, and makes me wonder where did al the education go….I know he’s not my kid and he is a good kid, but certain things just bugs the hell out of me. I try my best not to let it show or say anything, so maybe I will write an unset letter as a form of meditation, to just let it go.

[@oishi5518]

What an eye opener, thank you 💕

[@leightonolsson4846]

Interesting. I think it may be part of the reason, along with struggling to articulate, why illiteracy is so often associated with adults with chronic mental health issues in the social groups they are demographically overrepresented in.

[@fredwardv6988]

This is so real. I do this a lot.

[@Stanoje81]

Wow, you are amazing, so much quality on this channel! Thank you...

[@flowergirl7260]

Yes and no. To have a wise and compassionate listener really hear you is optimal, i believe.

[@kimberknutson831]

Excellent, as always. Thank you.: )

[@NemanjaTalic]

The importance of saying to a friend 'You don't have a reason to be afraid'

[@elleh3495]

"Dear Mom..."

[@nias3202]

Thank you ❤

[@soufwesthoustontx]

I definitely needed to hear this.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Shared this with my teen

[@gabriellecureux5528]

So I've been writing letters like this for years and I am finally comfortable enough send a few of them it makes me nervous but I've so far gotten good results

[@FerKitten]

Yey the man vouce so soothing!!! I only watch his vids

[@MKLNGLO]

what a great channel !

[@delmundl]

this is one the best things i have done

[@alicechek]

I keep a diary and I blieve it serves the same purpose to a certain extent. But I think I may just try writing unsent letter too!

[@ashn9603]

The last 40 seconds of this video though 😓😓😓 he ALWAYS knows ❤

[@intotherealityretroversion9032]

Okay I can try this

[@ppl_call_me_tima]

Great explanation that I need!

[@steveguti6452]

I would appreciate it deeply if anyone could pray for me I'm very Sick I'm Suffering from long time illness please pray for me I'm suffering praying for everyone everyday God bless you all

[@kamanamayoutube7494]

❤❤

[@MEZOMEZO2011]

May Allah cure you

[@justhangingaround804]

May good lord bless you..

[@monicaramirez51015]

❤😊sending you healing thoughts and believing for a miracle from All Loving Father YAH😊❤in Jesus Christ mighty name 😊

[@Jay-ez1xb]

I'm sorry you are ill. Prayers are good. But you are better. And stronger. Believe in the you that God made you to be, then you will be God in your own world, as he made you to be 😊

[@peasndough]

This really helps. I've done this for years. I can't reread them either, so cringe, but I keep them anyway.

[@doriancasapu7625]

Dear Alain de Botton, isn't writing letters never to be sent the distinctive theme in Saul Bellow's "Herzog"? Truly Nobel-worthy book, wasn't it?

[@MemphiStig]

"Now most every morning I stare out the window, and I think about where you might be. I've written you letters that I'd like to send, if you would just send one to me..."

[@glasses9995]

Thank You So Much♥️

[@kyf3557]

The key is to do it with emotional honesty. Otherwise it ends up just being justifying your behaviour. An ‘okkaayy keep telling yourself that’ type of thing. Not healing at all.

[@mitubolari]

Beautiful

[@j.m.b5441]

It works, I've done it.

[@arielsong1289]

Can't believe this video is free..

[@Liesiebo]

Thank you!❤

[@maryfitzgerald4812]

It does work letting it out

[@bensweiss]

I'm glad it helps some people. I would not find it satisfying or helpful.

[@purvapatne5063]

This is brilliant!!!!

[@Ominous89]

Yes, this works. It also works if you decide to actually send the letter. I did. I assured and I promised to ruin the lives of the people that tried to ruin my life, but failed. However, I won't let them get away with 13 years depression and 15 years debt, due to the depression. As responded: "to their great horror..."

[@pl9879]

This was a beautiful video

[@bigboldsoul]

This was great! thank you

[@nimrakhan133]

Isnt this the same as journaling ? Emptying whatever's on our mind in a journal kinda thing.

[@avielp]

I do this all the time

[@hi_its_jerry]

im gonna try that right away!

[@sheaisabutter]

lol i did this to let out all the months worth of emotions i piled up for someone i liked and now i will forever cherish my google docs filled with our romanticized encounters that i so delicately fabricated

[@gailaltschwager7377]

Thank you!

[@MissFoxification]

The same goes for sending that online message that you feel they need to hear, you know you want to send it... but it's really not going to have any effect.