The Signs, Symptoms and Cures for Emotional Immaturity | Therapy & Theology

No one sends us to school to become emotionally mature. However, if we want our relationships to be healthy and fruitful, emotional maturity is actually a key component we must be committed to working on continually in our lives.
In this episode of Therapy & Theology, Lysa TerKeurst; Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress; and Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Director of Theological Research, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, talk about the signs, symptoms and cures of emotional immaturity and how we can “be alert and of sober mind” (1 Peter 5:8, NIV) and really experience the fulfillment found in healthy relationships secure in emotional maturity.
Helpful links from Lysa TerKeurst and the Proverbs 31 Team:
- Download Lysa’s free assessment titled "What's It Like To Do Life With Me?” With Bible teaching and Q&A you complete alongside a trusted friend, this resource will help you grow in self-awareness and strengthen your relationships. Get your copy here: proverbs31.org/read/resource-...
- Get your copy of Lysa’s devotional “Embraced,” and find freedom from the struggles that have held you hostage and learn new ways to experience God’s love. www.p31bookstore.com/products...
Here’s a list of some signs of emotional maturity or sobriety mentioned in this episode: Be committed to healthy habits, not unhealthy coping mechanisms; operate in self-awareness; own your stuff and take responsibility for your actions without saying “but you …” and blaming; express empathy; admit your mistakes and confess them; steer clear of judgment; practice and enforce healthy boundaries; seek first to understand before you’re understood by saying “help me understand …”
Ready to take the next step in finding a Christian counselor? Here’s a good place to find the right fit for you and your circumstances: American Association of Christian Counselors www.aacc.net

[@gobigandgohomeschool4882]

It can be the hardest thing in the world to let go of the "right" to look at the other person's immaturity and stop using it as an excuse to not do your own work.

[@Blue77Blue]

What you don’t work out you will act out

[@dirtydoug4558]

My wife and I are going through some very complicated times. We’ve been married for 19 years. Overtime we have grown further apart but it felt like we were growing closer together. Now everything has come to a halt. We are both working on ourselves to admit fault and recognize everything that has led us to this point. I have been the more immature one and not understanding of the compassionate side of everything. Over the past week I have done a lot of soul-searching and reading and I feel this episode resonated so heavy with me. Thank you so much for all the inspiration And the knowledge from this. Please pray for my wife and I and our 10-year-old daughter. Thank you

[@jamiedavidson834]

What made you realize you needed to be involved in making your marriage better? My husband and I have been married for 21 yrs and are struggling once again. But, I’m told he is a grown ass man and can do what he wants?!

[@jojodaisy4]

Praying

[@Switzer1234]

OVER TIME (not OVERTIME) we have grown apart. Overtime: The mechanic worked overtime to get the car done on time. Over time: He will heal over time.

[@lilyflower1168]

Thanks for doing the work. Many times people aren't willing to

[@mariselagallegos2880]

You go boy! Praise God!!

[@angelalaurel5329]

I am in Separation because he is emotionally immature, bringing up the past, blame shifting, and devaluing me, threat of divorce because I will not move back because he has not made the Changes he was advised to do professionally and with our pastor Thank you for enlightening me I was confused and self doubting I realize we are not evenly yoked and it brings me down and back to the abusive past i endured for 5 years with him Please pray for both our healing and growth

[@danielgradussov647]

Jesus recently woke me up as an abusive husband for the last couple of years. Im currently in a seperation. I have a consistent track record of significant and demonstrated changes. From what i experienced my perspectives were way off. I was reactive to the world around me in the times we are in, i had fears and took matters into my own hands and took control off of God and become self reliant. I have been delivered from a life of idolatry and lust. God healed my nervous system in a deliverance session, removed hypervigilance. The most painful experience of my life. The biggest thing i needed before we seperated was for somebody to get in my face and tell me if i dont pull my head in- in 6months youll be living as a single dad. I am now completely God reliant and have had multiple prayer ministry sessions, counciling sessions and have taken responsibility of the abuse. Ive lacked understanding of my emotions and didnt realise how highly dysfunction i was. Its a very touchy place for us blokes, have friends in similar situations who out right committed suicide due to lack of communication and understanding the situation. I chose life but i plead with the women. Please lay out clearly to your husbands your intentions or requirements if you are to get back together. I have faced the darkest days of my life. I have since restored my relationships with both my parents and my sister over a beef of 15 years. God is doing the unexplainable and impossible in a short time. Dont give up! God can change your mans heart. There are things you can do to help him see as a team rather then abandoning ship and leaving him to die. I experienced that, and a quote by Darby Strickland, author of the book "is it abuse" she states "often times with oppressed women is their sin is remaining silent, they are putting up with they dont want to expose whats going on in their home" another quote from Darby "as a wife you really want to limit your spouses ability to sin against you and resist their domination and expose their sin, because in their redeemed selves they will thankyou for helping you stop the damage of their heart and their call to as Christ would love his church" Darby Strickland "is it abuse" ref video on youtube. Alot of men grow up emotionally disconnected and bad Modeling. My wife and i had no premarital counciling before we got married, we were not set up for success. I dont know your situation but i know there is hope. If Jesus can turn me around 180degrees there is hope for all men. Praying for breakthrough over your husbands mind that he can look at this situation through a different lense and have a supernatural perspective shift in Jesus name. Praying that some solid Godly men and a biblical councilor cab come on the scene. In Jesus name. God Bless you.

[@alisacinnamon1693]

Clothing choices are also dependent on our environment and climate. Here in Canada, we wear many more layers in a cold storm than our southern neighbors could imagine. Same with people living in abusive relationships, they will have far more protective layers, rightly so, than someone living in a warm and committed relationship.

[@reneemeredith5066]

As a RN I can’t tell you how this resonated with me in my practice! Emotional immaturity makes treatment so darn difficult. Can’t tell you how often we are verbally and sometimes physically abused! Praying through 22 hour shifts daily!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're glad this video was helpful for you, friend!

[@colleendrake9661]

My husband is a peds ER nurse - and has this experience as well. It seems that people lash out in their moments of fear and trepidation.

[@gkarenstratton]

🙏🧡🤍🧡🤍😢🤍🤎🤍🧡🙏

[@suebell6556]

This was so helpful, to learn how someone can appear to be spiritually mature and yet emotionally immature. This helps me understand my husband and addresses my confusion. He can sound so knowledgeable and sensible, yet is not self nor other aware and has no empathy. I also know a leader in a church like this who has succeeded in driving people away. My guess is that he has some unaddressed trauma, so he continues to hurt people even though he professes to follow the Bible.

[@tinabrooks4397]

That is my marriage to a T. I don’t believe that for me any type of communication is possible. I have been lied to, dealt, gaslighted, and spiritually abused. I pray for you.

[@gobigandgohomeschool4882]

So very common. Often, people can be very successful in the business or church world, yet not be able to handle personal relationships at all.

[@user-iq7zn2tf5m]

What if u have been sick for 9 months , doctors , specialists and finally awaiting surgery. I am thankful for the videos, I'm hurting so much, I really wish my partner or the one who I thought I could speak about anything to, just tells me it's not his responsibility to be of help for me at this challenging time. I guess women should just be silenced right as that has been said to me but the vulgar kind.i don't think the parents of your bf trying to conjour demons out of u on your bday from the bible is ok either, it was one of the most traumatic experiences of many. Having pressure pushing in my brain and though my nerve system has not been the most amazing time.

[@paulesaturday9490]

This ministry is amazing. I would love to hear from Joel more often.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@charmatillinger6987]

This series has been phenomenal!!! I am so grateful to hear you using your voice to promote awareness of emotional abuse, dysfunctional vs destructive relationships, emotional maturity and the Biblical views of it all. Thank you for taking your story and pain and using it to bring an awareness to something many are quietly suffering with.

[@deborahtodd2073]

That young man shared a powerful gospel thought. Most profound in the whole discussion. I was hoping to hear more from him. Give him more opportunities to express more the next time around 😊

[@Dawn-tv1bk]

“Water seeks its own level. Never have you seen a glass of water sitting on a flat surface, where the water is low on one side and high on the other. Just like the gravitational forces help water achieve equilibrium so will the pressures of life make it very evident that equilibrium in a relationship is only possible when both people are equally committed to healthy habits self awareness and empathy for the feelings of the other. When one person dabbles in unhealthy habits, refuses to look at themselves through the lens of reality and/or stops considering the feelings of the other, there will be an ever increasing tension until you sink or they rise. Only you can decide how to either manage that ever increasing tension between emotional maturity and emotional immaturity or when to say enough is enough and in compassion move on.” WOW!

[@minez3217]

Yass hard lesson for me to take care of me

[@tonypickar7541]

These are so well done. I loved the ending so much that I had to write it in my journal. Because I did, I am sharing it below. I have done my best to capture the thoughts word for word or as close as I could. I hope it encourages you today. What am I? Am I emotionally mature or emotionally immature? I am the maturity, spiritually and emotionally, that I choose to clothe myself in each day. So many times when we talk about some of the principles of therapy, it seems like you've got to do your work and it's like this long-term payoff. But the payoff can be yours today. The peace of Christ can rule in your heart today. When you choose daily to clothe yourself with these principles, kindness and compassion, you can do it today. Today, be compassionate. Today, be kind. Today, be loving. Today, choose to be gentle. When you do this, you are wearing the victorious signs that you belong to Christ and the peace of Christ will rule in your heart. Now does that mean that you need to allow people to take advantage of you? Is this choice to let God rule in your life today a sign of weakness? NO! This is a sign of incredible strength because what you are choosing to do is you are saying Jesus’ power is full and alive in me and I can still be compassionate. I mean these other people can act like fools if they want to, but I'm not freely handing over my power to them. I am saying you do not have enough power over me to make me act foolishly. I have closed myself with compassion and kindness today, and it's not a determination of what you may deserve or not deserve. It's because I deserve to let the peace of Christ rule in me. I am letting the peace and the power of Christ rule in me so that I can be an agent of compassion and kindness and love even in this world that's full of brokenness and abuse and abandonment and rejection and all the other things. You deserve to have the peace of Christ rolling in you today. Remember that it is “progress not perfection” if you're working on emotional maturity and emotional sobriety. It's going to be very hard to truly connect with the person who is walking with you or around you who's in emotional immaturity. So do not be surprised and don't go into judgment of them, but it will separate people in relationships. Just remember that you can have a closet full of all the greatest clothing in Christ, and if you don't daily move from what I call the inspirational to the intentional, the clothing of Christ is of no use or value. The intentional is daily, “I gotta get in that closet, open up, and intentionally dress myself.” If you don’t, you'll be able to stay in emotional immaturity for a long time. Water seeks its own level. Never have you seen water on a flat surface where the water is low on one side and high on the other. Just like the gravitational forces help water achieve equilibrium, so will the pressures of life make it very evident that equilibrium in a relationship is only possible when both people are equally committed to healthy habits, self-awareness, and empathy for the feelings of the other. When one person dabbles in unhealthy habits, refuses to look at themselves through the lens of reality, and/or stops considering the feelings of the other, there will be an ever-increasing tension until you sink or they rise. Only you can decide how to either manage that ever-increasing tension between emotional maturity and emotional immaturity or when to say enough is enough, and in compassion, move on.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're glad this video was helpful to you, friend. Thank you for writing down your biggest takeaways and sharing them with everyone!

[@lilirebeccaskinner6670]

What great word pictures of choices put before us! Putting on Christ...continually clothed in Him...moment by moment...thank you for sharing!

[@jerrykirui2707]

Thanks for typing out the message. Very helpful indeed.

[@andrearowe4815]

I think it takes a lot of healing and self awareness..

[@svwerner2877]

38 years unequally yoked. Really Struggling. Boys grown. Silent treatment for months. Feel very alone. I have been seeing Christian Counseler. Paying majority of bills.Been on vacation visiting son in Florida for 10 days not 1 text or call. Ready to move on. Please pray for me. I know God hates divorce.

[@jmspegel]

The opening couldn’t be more true...as I heal more from my childhood...the larger the gap becomes between me and my siblings.

[@zechariah4663]

Same. My sister betrayed me I feel and I took a stand and told her that I did not want her to be a part of my life at all. I miss her but I feel like I am battling literally for my life. I'm questioning practically my entire life because all of the people that are in it no the old me and now that I have boundaries and I am sticking up for myself they're telling me that I am being abrasive or I'm not being fair or I'm not being empathic when I'm the one who's been hurt

[@plansforus]

Me too! I just experienced this with my family when they came to visit me last weekend... I think this is a reality of our process. I hope it changes and they can be on this journey with me one day, but until then all we can do is pray. Bless you in your journey, sister.

[@annicecaldwell1271]

I can totally relate ¡

[@bettymakin5842]

This was such a great message for me to hear today. As others have commented, it is difficult when, through working on your own emotional maturity, it becomes more difficult to be in relationship with those who want to continue to dance the dance of dysfunction. I am wrestling through grief for an important family relationship that is just not healthy for me right now. This message has been both challenging and validating. Thank you so much for this important resource.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for sharing how this video was helpful for you, Betty!

[@CyndiGarguilo]

Wowww! I needed this!

[@perlyutter3784]

This is so rich in wisdom. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@farrisbetrosjr4861]

Love this glad it showed up in my video feed.

[@shannonjones7890]

Jim's list, so so good!

[@sherinolt2765]

So GOOD!! Thank you for all the wisdom and advice!

[@6.0hhh]

Thank you all so much for doing this.. Please pray for me 😔

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're praying for you, friend.

[@Bobisworld]

Praying!

[@6.0hhh]

@@Bobisworld thank you❤

[@hsiriaec3306]

So so good! Thank you for sharing your heart and wisdom on this!

[@anagentil1521]

I needed this today. Thank you so much ❤️

[@jandl9417]

Agree, Would like to hear from Joel too

[@beautygracewomensministry7903]

Wow! That was so good.

[@elizabethparsons3001]

Joel puts me In tears. Thank you

[@lanaroberts2937]

Excellent podcast. Thank you!

[@angelicakissinger319]

So thankful for this eye opening session of truth ! God Bless you all 🙏🏻

[@carolking7162]

Excellent info and I’m glad to have been directed here by spirit. Thank you for sharing! Would love to hear the other two members speak more.

[@ThePossumone]

Guys this is fabulous absolutely INCREDIBLE THANK YOU

[@nancygirard7343]

Such a timely podcast for me. Thank you so much. My Christian husband of 37 years was just caught in sex addiction that unbeknownst to me, has been going on for our entire marriage. I am reeling! 😢

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're praying for you today, Nancy!

[@sharonscheller8342]

This is an amazingly helpful teaching. Thank you for your ministry👏💕💕

[@sharonpinkerton8297]

I am in amazement.i have been wrestling with this and God bless you for shining this light!

[@raquelchavez5876]

I have learned so much just in this video Thank you so much 🙏

[@g.siporin4000]

Excellent. Thanks

[@myrathorsen9991]

Your session is incredibly awesome timing for my healing journey

[@hannahcarmichael]

Wowza. Those first 3 minutes are POWERFUL. About knocked me over! Sheesh. Good stuff!

[@belindgo]

I learn a lot from listening to you all. I’m in recovery 15 years , and we do hear that a lot about emotional sobriety. But placing together with this makes sense. It helps me so much!! Thank you for your time and sharing this!!! So grateful!!! 😊

[@kyleneanderson6250]

So grateful for every video you all share!!! It is really needed and soooo helpful to me and my daughters, friends and the men in our lives. (When they choose to listen 😉) and if they don’t I believe that through my life I will be showing them Gods love and His ways. Even when I mess up/sin…it’s another opportunity to put my pride aside and confess, ask for forgiveness , encourage our adults kids and our grandkids in the ways of the Lord!!! It would be a very sad day if your videos went away…. May God continue to bless each of you and your families 🥰

[@lisamensch6271]

Love the Theology and Counselor mix!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@DanielleSuzette4444]

Excellent- thanks all- Lisa-😢

[@irenechavez3455]

Very True when people LIE and know TRUTH it is VERY PAINFUL. "MATURITY MATTERS JUST LIKE LIVES MATTER" 🙏❤⚓

[@karlamarie1235]

Thank you so much sister Lisa for therapy & theology! I just came across these podcasts and they have been such a blessing in my life. May the Lord continue to use you as his vessel of healing & restoration for many lives. ❤️🙏🏼

[@sharonscheller8342]

This is a powerful message and very helpful. Thank you for your ministry 💕🙏👏

[@louiseyoung1231]

You have no idea how timely this was...just learning this & trying to handle my dysfunctional family who are not where I am yet 💜. I'm trying to love yet have boundries. Its a challenge 🙏💜😢

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're glad this was helpful for you, Louise!

[@minervaseals7690]

Wow I Love this, very helpful. As I was hearing about the clothing that you have to wearing them every day I had a thought: “this! You have to do it” action of your side, be intentional and really act -do this.” Nobody will come and put your clothes on, it is your responsibility and your job…..Thank you so very much.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're glad this video helped you, friend!

[@debrat777]

Great content. Thank you.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend!

[@jayyfog5909]

Praise he Lord ❤

[@Thankful305]

I just love you guys!! Jim has so many incredibly, wonderful, condensed phrases, that say and mean so much. I definitely need to re-listen and take notes {~!~}

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend! If you would like access to a transcript for easier note-taking, that can be found here: proverbs31.org/listen/podcast/full-podcast/2021/04/20/therapy-theology-the-signs-symptoms-and-cures-of-emotional-immaturity

[@kwilcox6816]

Very important topics and hope for deeper discussions, show notes, and reference material for further study and work personally.

[@zechariah4663]

Once again Lisa thank you so very much. The first paragraph of what you read in the very beginning of this video describes my life with my now 18 year old daughter to a tee. I have written in the comments previously on other videos in this series about being alienated from her by her father my ex-husband who definitely is a narcissist. I never imagined that that sweet baby that I brought home that four-year-old who couldn't live without me that 10 year old who snuggled with me and wrote for a paper in school that I was the best thing in the world would now literally hate me and disrespect me in my own home. Thank you so much for the encouragement because I am doing the hard work I am reflecting I always have asked myself whenever I am in conflict with another person what did I do to cause the conflict, what was my part in all of this. Unfortunately it has not served me well to ask these questions because I have taken on more than was actually my part. I have Twisted myself in a ball and driven myself nearly crazy trying to change myself and be who other people wanted me to be. I have bent over backwards to try to get my daughter to love me. It got to a point where I had to stop and tell her and everyone that was encouraging me to keep reaching out to her that I was not going to beg someone to love me. The person who I gave life to, the person who I shared a heartbeat for nearly a year here I was now running after her and begging her to like me love me respect me - how twisted is that. Thank you for this incredible series, thank you praying my strength and praying for reconciliation between me and my daughter. I will not give up hope that there is still good in her and the wounds of the divorce will no longer be used against her or I. I asked God to give me the same strength, humility and Grace that he did to the father of the prodigal son. I want to welcome my daughter back into my life with love and celebration and not look back at these horrible years of pain and destruction

[@etamaka]

I know I might be responding to this a little late but I came across a video just earlier today about the importance of an unhappy adolescence. Something quite striking was that it's considered normal for adolescents who have grown up with loving and stable caregivers to go through this kind of rebellion. There's psychology behind the fact that they can say or do the nastiest stuff because they know they are unconditionally loved. Of course, they don't know or do it consciously but there's some psychology there. It won't be easy and can be very hurtful and uncalled for but if you haven't done anything wrong, this is all just a phase and she might look back on this time during her adult life and sincerely apologize for her crazy behavior during this time. I know both me and my sister definitely had to apologize to my mum for a lot of the grief we put her through and I hope you and your daughter can look back at this one day and laugh about it. For your reference, I've attached a link to the video in this comment. kzbin.info/www/bejne/sJS4emR-oJV6iLc It is called "The Importance of an Unhappy Adolescence " by The School of Life

[@zechariah4663]

@@etamaka Incredibly thoughtful of you. I believe some is adolescence and a large part is manipulation by her dad. I'm angry at God for letting this happen. I'm taking 1 minute ( literally) at a time. Thank you for extending Grace...

[@lydiacoronado4257]

You are describing my life now with my only child my adult daughter she's 24 and I feel like she hates me I tried everything to build connection with her to the point of begging .she moved away and I rarely even hear from her.believing and praying for my prodigal to come home one day.trusting and waiting on God.my prayers for you also.Amen🙏💖

[@zechariah4663]

@@lydiacoronado4257 I'm so sorry for this. One day at a time friend. Our children will rise up and call us blessed!!

[@WifeyMamaGrandma]

Our son acted like this too from age 17-20. It was horrible. Abusive actually. Emotional and verbal abuse. We made him leave home. I saw your comment about being angry at God. I understand. I’ve felt that way before. I learned we live in a broken and sinful world. We all have choices. God didn’t make it allow this. He also doesn’t reach down and push a big stop button. We all have a free will. Your daughter is choosing to be hateful. It’s shameful of her to treat you that way. Our son had TWO good parents growing up. I was a stay at home Mom, I loved getting to do that. Our son (I’ve realized) has issues. He has moved back home but he’ll still swear at me (rarely now) and I do not deserve it. He called me an F-ing idiot recently. It really sends me sideways when he treats me like that. I’m soft spoken, loving etc. Maybe your daughter takes after her father??? It’s a possibility. Or she knows she can get away with treating you the way she has. You don’t deserve it either. 😢 Don’t chase after her. Pray for her.

[@jocelynwalters1266]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So rich. Such truth. Practical application for our lives. Thank you!!!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Jocelyn!

[@lck2978]

Wow! This was very insightful and helpful! And I love what Lysa says about boundaries, the dysfunctional dance, and so on. Looking forward to more!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're so glad you enjoyed it!

[@loriculbertson9442]

A list would be awesome I'd love to be able to discuss with my kids one point at a time.

[@RoryStreit]

Please keep these podcasts going! so very helpful and practical! Your efforts are so deeply appreciated. Only eternity will show how God used this information and these principles to save, protect, strengthen, and redeem! I am challenged and encouraged! Progress not perfection!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you so much for watching, Rory! We're happy you're here!

[@mel3256]

This topic is very important. There is too many big topics skimmed over in this segment. It would be more helpful if a number of the items were discussed in their own segments

[@lyzettevega1234]

Ya'll are a Power Trio, keep doing this...I'm learning/growing so much!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We agree! Thanks for tuning in, Lyzette.

[@MrTringuy]

This "connection " is so rich ..Be blessed ... but it's still a fight with the narcissist..the controller jezebel..

[@innerchildcrafty34]

Wow! I needed this so much today! Watching from Texas. God bless you all. 💜💜💜🌷🌷🌷

[@ruthmangalwadi]

Thank you 3 … so true what you are sharing. I was greatly helped by THE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY CHURCH …and The Strong and the Weak by Paul Tournier

[@iw9338]

Excellent thanks very much 🙏💜 I'm working on not keeping score, as the 10th kid, God help to walk in His peace

[@Lala-ht8ps]

It is so true. You're spiritual mature but maybe not so much emotional mature.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@shelbybrown2893]

I love this channel, wish Joel and Jim got to speak a little more

[@lilyyong2420]

Agree

[@becoming_her]

That transcends beautiful.I am so grateful for the wisdom that you have shared with us, honestly.Thank you for being examples of how to do life with Jesus daily,i am honestly blessed.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend!

[@pz1042]

I felt that it's 'iron sharpening iron'. Is it ever one person's problem or issues but rather, refining on both parts, hence, both being self aware in responses Too much pressure & stress can lead to a seeming outburst too. A lot of pressures & stresses around now and people not coping.

[@antoinetteferreira5680]

This is brilliant. Makes so much sense and puts so many of my REACTIONS with regards to my constantly abusive husband into perspective. Thankyou. Please come visit South Africa. Woman are truly going through hell.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Antoinette. While we can't speak to the specific circumstances you're facing, Proverbs 31 Ministries offers topical and study resources to help you continue working through what you're walking through for free in our Resource Library at proverbs31.org/read/resource-library

[@mybigfatexpatlife6865]

Not only South Africa, but the Middle East and Mediterranean as well. There are no resources here in Cyprus. Ironically enough, I'm a missionary here for 7 years, yet I'm struggling immensely with even being a light to others. My light has dimmed down, my spirit crushed. Despite the decline of the US as a whole, the church is one of the few that is truly healthy in all the world. The Middle East is so dark. I'm ready to come home as a battered soldier 😢 I know He will bind up my wounds, and heal my broken heart through trauma counseling. I'm looking forward to coming back in February or March. Thank you, P31M, for the resources here on KZbin. They have been SO HELPFUL.

[@maryjankowski9032]

As a former teacher repetition is a good way of getting a student to remember a key point. So God uses repetition to teach us His percepts and commandments. Also the clothing aspect I see that as we age and mature in age we don't dress in clothes we wore when we were 13. The defeated King had to first remove his armor also a sign he was defeated.... We as Christians need to put on the armor of God every day so we are not defeated by the enemy...

[@emiliecarr1]

I have to know - Lysa, where are these chairs from? What brand?They are adorable! Love you and your ministry so much. Beyond words what comfort you have brought into my life through this podcast, your books, etc.

[@kalen9395]

Do you guys have a good video on self centered/selfish spouse issues? I really enjoyed the one you guys did here and on narcissism from the Therapy and Theology series, however, I’m curious of your thoughts around the topic of selfishness or self-centeredness in a marriage - as the suffering spouse and the spouse acting as such.

[@petkoandreev7869]

Change has to come from within. I am not responsible for her feelings or happiness neither she is for mine. Being able to sit down and apologize with words and actions and being able to compromise (not one sided) are the fundament of a long-term relationship.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend!

[@stacywallace5210]

Also: why do you change clothing? Sometimes it is soiled. So much symbolism here with putting on anew daily (sometimes more frequently than daily if clothing gets dirty during the day).

[@henriettehofsink8003]

"Don't make excuses for your reaction" Rephrase " why did I react? What is happening. How can you help me? I want to learn from this"

[@Blue77Blue]

It’s timely

[@sharonnugent408]

When I recall scripture because of my emotions, the scripture changes my thoughts and emotions. I'm aware others may not understand that so I don't state scripture in response to others emotions because they see it as criticism

[@inlov33]

Let's talk about 'playfullness' It's another costume, and there is a line between too much in either direction.... Balance of sorts, in respect to playfulness of spirit... Let's have a talk about this important topic. TY

[@henriettehofsink8003]

Instead of saying don't make excuses for your sin I would say what is happening for me to react ? How can I make healthier choices? Who can I trust to open my heart up to to love me and walk with me? How can i trust God to work in me

[@lupiesalazar8492]

Great discussion! When it comes to the reading and expounding of God’s Word, I think the gentleman should be the ones to read it and expound on it.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend!

[@angelasturn]

Wow addiction is worth- ship and blame is pain, blaming is shame

[@Switzer1234]

These sessions are amazing and very helpful! TY all so much! Jim: Please slow down when you talk. You don't break between sentences and you talk too fast, making everything run together and sound garbled. TY!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Hi, friend! We offer free transcripts for Therapy & Theology episodes. Check out the podcast feed here to access all the content and follow along: therapyandtheology.transistor.fm/

[@ramonaramo1876]

What an eye opening this teaching is! Thank you so much. My husband and I are going through hard times because the lack of proper conversation. I have to choose the way I speak or respond to him as he is very touchy and he gets easily offended.. I find this very childish and immature and therefore the communication is limited and very plain. If he wants to talk, we can have a lovely conversation but it's only based on his mood.. Usually ends up with sarcasm or bitterness towards me... I fell I'm suffocating and have no say most of the time. We are both born again Christians, I have my thoughts on this behaviour and been praying a lot over the 5 years we've been together. Is it biblical to separate from him for a while, while I get healed and he receives counseling?

[@Jessica-yx5wu]

With all respect, he sounds like a covert narcissist/Cluster B personality disordered person. They are very confusing as they are so covert in hiding their personality disorder and mal intentions, going from grandiosity to vulnerability in a continuous cycle. 99.99% of them never get better and sometimes they learn how to better hide it in therapy while they continue to make you feel miserable. They are in my opinion, wolves in sheep's clothing and workers of iniquity. Please look into it. All psychotherapists say basically to leave and get space, gray rock or no contact. There are some channels that give Biblical responses also which allow for divorce or the eventuality of divorce because of the emotional, mental, spiritual abuse and lack of meeting the victim spouse's needs. I am also born again. Prayed for you.

[@ramonaramo1876]

@@Jessica-yx5wu thanks so much for your reply. I am looking into it now. God bless🙏💕🙏

[@danilaroche1156]

Separation is biblical. Reconciliation in the Bible is encouraged. Your husband has issues probably going back to childhood unworthiness and rejection. He needs healing. Before and if you separate why not get away for a few days to pray and reflect? May the Lord continue to be your supply and hope.

[@ramonaramo1876]

@@danilaroche1156 thank you♥️I already done this since I last wrote the comment. Your advice is very encouraging, and confirms I am on the right track. Thanks a lot.

[@danilaroche1156]

@@ramonaramo1876 You are welcome. If u feel you are suffocating, that's a warning. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church. If he truly knows and serves Christ...there's hope. I'd like to talk to you about this. The enemy wants nothing more than a divorce. Be wise, discerning and proactive. Immerse yourself in the things of God. He is your rock.

[@elizabethparsons3001]

What if you have things you need to apologize for and at the same time you need to tell the person some specific things they did that have hurt you very much? Is that like saying "but" or can you do both? When is it okay to express the offense/hurt that contributed to the problem between you and the other person?

[@Padmeandkitty]

1st pray about it. I would say go humbly and sincerely apologize without pulling their offense to you into the conversation. Then if guided by the Holy Spirit, let them know you were hurt by what they did. Don't expect an apology at that time. They may or they may have to process what you told them. It may be better to address in 2 separate conversations but you'll have to pray for guidance about that.

[@100americanmade]

Is there a video or cd class on this?

[@marymorse7467]

I live in Waco Texas. It has been such a challenge to find a Good Christian Counseling. Can you help me?

[@lindseyjacobs9527]

This was very, very helpful. One small critique, it felt like the connection Lysa and her counselor Jim have was very obvious, and Joel felt like he was pushed to the side a bit. I would have LOVED to hear him talk more. Lysa has great insight, no doubt. But she also does the majority of the talking. Overall, good stuff here I'll definitely revisit

[@Jessica-yx5wu]

I also loved this episode and many others. I noticed the same thing - that Joel was cut out a bit from participating at the same level as Jim and Lysa. Would have loved to at least hear him present the scripture and even add a little more depth about the Greek for the language used for our new clothing. Their emails are also really supportive!

[@mybigfatexpatlife6865]

Even if Joel doesn't say much, when he does speak, I learn a lot from God's word.

[@gkarenstratton]

Barefooted for me is like being a country child again 💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙

[@MrTringuy]

Moses was told to Ground...take your shoes off it's holy ground

[@annabanzon313]

I believe its called dumping, or emotional dumping?

[@glendaheidrich9662]

The feelings have gone numb .... what now

[@100americanmade]

I like the part about "owning it but....". I had a horrific experience with what I thought was a very close sibling. A year later she sent an apology saying "I could justify what I did but why bother." Then went on to tell the family they had apologized whole heartedly and didn't think we would have further issues. I have been keeping the person at arms length for 10 years now. Don't know how to heal this.

[@WifeyMamaGrandma]

The only way forward is to have an open honest conversation with her. If she makes that impossible to carry out, the you’ve done what you can! You can’t make her apologize or apologize the way she ought to, or make her respond to you the way you wish she would. I am living this too.

[@mandyschaad3073]

Yep... same here😢

[@Mamma-Tex]

Same here. I will b seeing my sister today and this great lesson on emotional maturity has given me direction (as I was unable to sleep last night as my mind went crazy thinking of how and what I needed to convey to her) I pray I can respond and not react and not revert to emotional immaturity when she triggers me. Also have been praying for God to give me the words to speak and for her to have the heart to hear. We just lost our mother and have always been close. But during the last 2 weeks of Mom’s hospice journey we experienced conflict with each other which I could not accept. I wanted & needed my sister to go with me and Mom through this journey. But she shut me out. Literally locked me out of the house and I was unable to spend the last 7 days of my mother’s life near her. I’ve lost my Mom which is natural that she has passed and her ill body has been restored by Jesus in heaven. But I am devastated at losing my only sibling. I want to heal this relationship with my sis.

[@EVOLr]

What about people who have a mental illness, and you try really hard . It’s really not easy to break situations down. It’s really not about being immature.

[@user-ro8xn3cn6h]

Thank you for adding this Trauma is another factor.

[@amyvalone5335]

I don't know what my next step is it gives me no money at all and they live on SSDI the abuse unreal he took all my money what do I do now

[@kristenmarie9248]

15:05. Take the Family out of You. 💣💥🤯

[@2ferTwins]

Does this smack of self-love to you?

[@gabrielmontoya6113]

If they go one you go two. JESUS says to give to who ever asks you.

[@MariaRivera-wl6bo]

????What could be more immature for someone to be so selfish to think that they are the only male in the world that endured childhood unspeakable abuse, and other abuse throughout a certain period of kife. I am not undermining the reality of anyones suffering. But some people like to always have an excuse for their emotional immaturity to inflict control, fear, or terror to then blame others for their emotional immaturity because they don't want to address or work on them. I have my own demons that I need to own up to and others need to own uo to their own demons. Someone that is constantly casting 100 percent of the fault on you, and never apologize, expecting only you to apologize is very emotionally immature just like I am; they just manifest it in a different form; that's all.

[@Dawn-tv1bk]

Great conversation. Super helpful. I would love it if we could stop using the phrase “if it’s hysterical it’s historical” I know and understand the meaning but it’s not readily received well and always has to be interpreted. Hysterical is almost always a word used for describing a woman and not a man. Super frustrating. In the world we live in now, the word hysterical is viewed as negative but that’s not always true. If someone is trying to kidnap my child right in front of me, you better believe I’m gonna be “hysterical” and I should be. Not all things are historical. Some trauma has just happened the day before and by saying “historical” people automatically assume it’s childhood trauma. Not all trauma is experienced before the age of 18. Again, I understand the phrase but I don’t view it as helpful or accurate. I hope this will at least begin a conversation as to why the phrase is not helpful even though it is meant to be helpful.

[@KJ-lb4tj]

Is it possible to be spiritually mature and emotionally immature? Is not your relationship to Jesus and God, just another relationship, a relationship that requires emotional maturity?

[@tinabrooks4397]

My question is..how can you communicate with a narcissist/minister that will continue to use scripture as a weapon to attack my concerns or the conversation. ? There is no way to do that. I can’t continue to be dismissed, manipulated, lied to. I’m talking to the devil at that point.

[@lucillekluivert343]

DOES NARCISSIST CHANGE ??? NO THEY DONT AND THE BIBLE NEVER SPOKE ABOUT ELIJAH PRAYING FOR JEZEBEL OR

[@butterfly-pf8lj]

The white man . I know hes trying to help but he is very insensitive

[@danilaroche1156]

???? That's a huge generalization. People are people and we all err. That's why Jesus came.