The Strange Tale of the Volsi

[@FattyMcFox]

Some christian scribe: "I want to make dick jokes but not have the abbot scream at me. They will see my humor, they will Volsi."

[@ginaslevinsky8906]

"This is history. This is educational. [Please don't demonetize me.]"

[@OceanKeltoi]

You read between the lines well, friend.

[@ginaslevinsky8906]

@@OceanKeltoi You read between the lines very well, friend. You enlightened us about what this silly willy story actually said about the society. And I thank you.

[@aubreyackermann8432]

And you kept your monetisation

[@marinakaiser7639]

Lol😂👍

[@marinakaiser7639]

@@ginaslevinsky8906 very good said really👍👍

[@mlp_firewind8129]

Here is what I take from this: people never really change. Because this really old story has elements that would fit in with modern concepts of parody. That and the daughters behavior is basically how modern teenagers act when their parents want them to do weird dumb stuff.

[@Avigorus]

"stop them from committing this phallusy - heresy" love it

[@lysmith3454]

"in order to ummm... erect a parody" beautiful :)

[@KoonFox6560]

surely he meant fallacy 😜🤭😉

[@taramcdonough6391]

“This floppy floundering phallus is flying through the air” gave me some V for Vendetta vibes 😂

[@dragonmaster613]

There is a school of poetic verse all about having every word with the same letter.

[@Azurath100]

Alliteration is awesome

[@Svartalf42]

Well, Ocean, I appreciate your downright turgid dedication to education.

[@KveldulfSnowbear]

It is impressive! Practically tumescent!

[@ulfrinndrengr1973]

The fact that a straight face was kept in any of this, let alone most, is award worthy!!

[@sammi901]

I would've paid more attention in history class if we had stories like that lol

[@zackglenn2847]

Topping this one is going to be hard, it makes for stiff competition.

[@gorillaguerillaDK]

Gefjun was the goddess who plowed the strait between Scania and Sealand - a shame she isn’t better known, I’ve always liked her a lot, perhaps because as little my parents would always take us for a long walk that ended up with getting an ice cone and sitting and watching the Gefion Fountain....

[@DoomedPaladin]

"Wash our brains" with horses running across fields... nice. Thank you Ocean's Patrons for doing this to him!

[@paradactyl3729]

Ocean Keltoi is handed the story of the Volsi and declares that all accept this wholly educational record of historical importance. And now I need to pass this along to my friends at work.

[@That-Google-Guy]

4:12 that Phallusy/Heresy pun made me yell at the top of my lungs. Easily one of the best play on words I’ve seen in years. Well done, Sir!!!

[@grizzly3956]

If this doesn't get the Splash Daddy brand going I don't know what will.

[@jesusdmont02]

Damn he liked everyones except for yours

[@ragingwitch8875]

I think we need merch to inform the wider public of this historical record.

[@ravenestrella2310]

I think that’s one idea that just might get, shall we say...”shafted.” 😉

[@rebeccahahn6172]

So the dog ran off with the... object of worship. Since I give "bully sticks" to our dogs, I went looking for a history of them, like you do when you're a little morbid and a nerd. These days they don't usually flavor them with leeks and sage, but they do thankfully drain the fluids from them before drying them, stretching them, and sometimes braiding or tying them into interesting shapes. Until I read that "drain the fluids" bit, it hadn't occurred to me that the flopping phallus would be spattering gods only know what all over the parlor, and possibly the slave girl, as this tall tale begins, but let me just add YUCK! Anyway, this reportedly happened somewhere after 1086 CE. A "bull pizzle" as an insult was included in Shakespeare's Henry IV in 1540ish. But as far as I can tell, this is also the first time someone rewarded the good pupper with a nice stinky, chewy pizzle. Of all the trends to catch on in the 21st century... Hail to King Olaf for helping my three helpuppers get through fireworks and thunderstorms?

[@JariDawnchild]

Never heard the word pizzle before. Adding it to my vocabulary lol.

[@Avigorus]

"good to have people at your back" holding a sword to it I assume? lol

[@OceanKeltoi]

not untrue.

[@Sakuraclone99k]

@@OceanKeltoi We don't have swords Ocean. We have the Volsi. Obviously.

[@MattBeebeMusic]

The "galloping thunder sword" is my new all-time favorite euphamism.

[@howardhavardramberg333]

This is education.

[@OceanKeltoi]

you, too, can have your own little Volsi in the form of a sticker (or various other redbubble things including t-shirts and the like) www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/The-Volsi-by-OceanKeltoi/77837049.EJUG5

[@MrEnaric]

Thank you, but my Vingul is praised for it's potency and merrily galloping when needed so we don't need a Völsi. But takk fyrir all the same. ;-)

[@erleaz6716]

The thumbnail and opening line has a VERY different meaning than what I originally thought

[@OceanKeltoi]

oops

[@eclipsedbadger]

I can only imagine the many takes you had to make just trying to keep a straight face while talking about the HORSE SALAMI flopping in the air

[@OceanKeltoi]

I actually did most of these shots in 1-4 takes. I was proud of myself.

[@rebeccahahn6172]

I needed a moment when, just before the King spoke, the alarm went off on my phone to remind me that the meat is done in the oven.

[@JariDawnchild]

Ty for making me almost choke on my drink lol. Perfect timing. 😀

[@grmpEqweer]

"And sometimes those tools, are found, in rather strange places." 😳

[@Rex26572]

Coming up with a pun for this comment is so hard, but thank you for another wonderful video.

[@lokigodofpuns3082]

I came here for education and stayed for the puns... Thank you, Ocean, for this lengthy video about this wonderful, heartwarming story

[@jamesbradleysears7188]

The modern reconstructionist can find a volsi made of silicone, today. 😉

[@ObscuriaDragunAed]

Cr1tikal got a latex Volsi complete with... naturally produced protein shake injection emulation in one of his last fanmail openings.

[@mattsavigny6084]

Here, have a like fine gentleman.

[@dragonarchive7443]

For $75

[@Overlord99762]

Bad Dragon is a heathen religious icon distributor, today I learned

[@Sewblon]

I am a pagan reconstructionist. I just didn't know it until now.

[@fjordsonmooreman9931]

And as I stumble upon this video, I'm digitally sketching an 8 legged horse, I lost it when you mentioned the 5th leg 😂😭

[@thegreypilgrim2849]

This is 🌠 *E* *D* *U* *C* *A* *T* *I* *O* *N* *A* *L* 🌠

[@HatmanXIIX]

Gods bless you and your work Ocean. I don't have any pagans near me that I can relate to, but these videos give me a sense of connection. And I appreciate it.

[@garrettgriffin4974]

I give up; I Have Subscribed. The Volsi made me do it. Seriously, though, it was inevitable, because I've been enjoying your content for quite a while. May you be blessed and may you never make the gods facepalm and utter the incantation: "Oy, vey.."

[@sgt.wolfenstein0818]

Leek wasn't the only thing covering that horse meat baton when the slave girl was done "praying". There is a reason she was last in line, not unlike the wizard's staff the slave girl was full of 'leak'.

[@aniraseraug2104]

Well... this was super weird but I think Loki lead me to this on purpose. I think I can finally come to an understanding of a prayer before dinner that is more pagany/polytheistic rather than Christian. Thank you so much! May the Gods and Goddesses bless you for your continued work!

[@joshuaroyal3579]

💫THE MORE YOU KNOW💫

[@Overlord99762]

>King goes into a house stealthily >Expects to not be noticed >Covered in velvet robes >With golden jewelry Okay then...

[@jasolino]

Thanks for the lesson Ocean, I learned a lot... maybe too much.

[@j3tztbassman123]

I raise this mug Above the rug Only to dive down And hope to drown Bad poetry, I know; but it's so fitting. Sidenote: the offerings could have also been to the dawn bringer?

[@Sakuraclone99k]

Splash Daddy, I'm so happy that you survived this video xD. We appreciate your hard commitment to education, no matter the rough subject matter.

[@jasonGamesMaster]

I really want to applaud the number of ways you inserted double entendres into this video, that was a masterful display

[@missZoey5387]

What a wholesome and family friendly story

[@karldehaut]

Well, Volsi still exists in Italy, the object not the ritual, it's employed as a luck charm and against evil eye. Wait like in Ancient Rome, hmmm yes... It's educational.... Great video Bravo!

[@ScottJB]

Honestly, this channel has some of the most quality Heathen content on KZbin

[@spiritsongtress]

Had me laugh crying at work on a Friday perfect.

[@droop8911]

I have tried to get this message to you before, but why not say it again. I just want to say thank you for being a very helpful, guiding source of information and community for me during my conversion to this wonderful way of life and way of worship. Thank you very much, from now on I will always find a way or make one.

[@DDendrite2]

On the next hammered out, are we going to get another one of those fantastic fanarts of a good pupper needing to put the Volsi down?

[@mattydaniels6612]

With prior knowledge of the story, every pun hit deep man. Couldn't handle it.

[@IAmValenwind]

i feel so immature right now. thank you. lol

[@aalin5701]

May the Volsi rise again

[@OceanKeltoi]

ENLARGED ART THOU, VOLSI

[@kman5475]

He is risen! He is risen indeed!

[@SarenthDricten]

Finding a way or making one sounds a little more kinky this time around.

[@josephhamilton9460]

The moment to wash our brains out was hillarous. I agree ocean by the gods why lol

[@cileecemiddleton5334]

While the story is ridiculous, entertaining, and infuriating in equal parts I am glad you showed everyone how to see the parts we can use to put together the lost past. Love it. Love all your educational videos.

[@Iceberg6606]

You betray a very humorous side of yourself here! Haha! Nice insertions of subtle puns, too!

[@OceanKeltoi]

Dammit. I'm not supposed to have a personality. Ignore! Ignore!

[@cohvar7629]

This almost sounds like a punishment for the boy that went WAY too far...

[@MyLatin1]

This made my day. Thank you very much for making this video.

[@OceanKeltoi]

I'm so glad!

[@MyLatin1]

I do know that in India it is common practice to worship a lingam which is a representation of Shiva's member I don't believe it to be out of the realm of possibility that Horse Phallus Adoration was probably an actual thing.

[@coregoon]

So, funfact, I've actually been part of a vǫlsi-blót. It was basically a blót influenced by that story, so lots of creative verses while passing the, err, member around. However, it turns out that despite the washing and the herbs and such, preparing this, erm, meaty spear leaves a mark of sorts. In fact, the kitchen it was prepared in smelled extremely strongly of equine musk for several weeks afterward.

[@WildMen4444]

Hail to the Volsi!

[@countryhebrewgirl]

This educational was just what I needed in a emotionally rough week.

[@peach411]

Yes, the Christmas miracle of the Volsi.

[@Grevnor]

Heard this story before, so I knew full well what I was getting into. I just wanted to hear you tell it. And you tell it well. And had great things to say about it. :)

[@catherineladd5300]

"The sturdy trouser-snake". This is gold.

[@ObscuriaDragunAed]

I had nothing to do with the horse dong story, I was hoping for a Loki - Mother of Sleipnir fanfic. #crestfallen

[@renata_of_the_craft]

This was a great learning curve, which involved so much laughter on my side, even your hesitancy made me curl up in hysterics. More such HISTORY now, please!

[@bforman1300]

You have an agile mind and delightful sense of humor.

[@Excultbaby]

I feel like I'm missing something here: does the story really explain why they started viewing the volsi as sacred in the first pllace??

[@OceanKeltoi]

how dare you question the sacredness of the Volsi.

[@JariDawnchild]

I don't think it's meant to lol.

[@bezoticallyyours83]

People consume certain parts of animals for erm...virility and fertility even today.

[@capitalistraven]

Grimir means "mask" in old Norse. It was a fairly ordinary name but in this case it seems to be an allusion to the disguise of the guests.

[@toddchichester5415]

A friend of mine told me to look up this one and she said we will discuss it after. She did not give out any spoilers or clues and I'm glad she did not. This was hysterical but also a good example of how certain things are frames for ritual.

[@CutTimeBrony]

10:17 "ERECT a parody" "attempt to ridicule and BURY" I see what you did there.

[@howlholmes7439]

It was definitely speaking Freyr to me, definitely helpful seeing how to deconstruct the story to glean helpful information.

[@spirithawk6580]

When you can't afford a BadDragon

[@OceanKeltoi]

I can't believe I'm liking this comment, but it's perfect.

[@jasonGamesMaster]

@@OceanKeltoi That's what she said?

[@johannesullmann8457]

I have a question for Norse Pagans: Does Valhalla still have the same meaning as it did 2000 years ago (meaning you earn your place in it, after the death in battle), or is it percieved differently now? Although I am not a pagan myself, I am very interested in the pagan rituals and beliefs.

[@mbyrd9223]

That question will get you some extremely different answers depending on who you ask. Some view it differently, some believe that if you die in any kind of battle be it a battle with cancer or other malignant aliments then you will go to Valhalla. Some believe that it has to be true combat. I personally believe that it has to be true combat. If you don't die in combat then more than likely you will go to Helheim, which is completely different than the Christian version of hell. To many of us Heathens Helheim is a place where you rejoin your loved ones and ancestors and feast and drink and, more or less, just continue to exist as you did before you died. Some have different beliefs about Helheim but they only differ by a little.

[@johannesullmann8457]

@@mbyrd9223 Do modern Norse pagans still believe in Folksvangr (I don't know if I spelled this right) because this was a kind of heaven for honorable people, which didn't die in battle, but still had an honorable life. Atleast to my knowledge.

[@mbyrd9223]

@@johannesullmann8457 actually Folksvangr is where half of those who die in battle, chosen by Freyja, go and the other half go to Óðinn in Valhalla. It is possible to go to other gods halls but usually Helheim is where most of us will go. Many of us believe that there are multiple parts of the soul. A part of it dies when we die, another part is reincarnated back into our family, and the other part is what passes on to whatever realm we have earned for ourselves. We don't really have a heaven nor do we believe in the concept of sin. We do have a place where the dishonorable and oath breakers go and it's not a very nice place but you have to be a really really bad person to go there.

[@johannesullmann8457]

@@mbyrd9223 Thanks for telling me about this. I am often thinking about becoming a pagan and learning about this is really interesting. At the moment I am still doing some research and I am not so sure if the pagan life is for me. But I thank you for sharing this information.

[@mbyrd9223]

@@johannesullmann8457 you are most welcome! If I may give a little advice, take your time and really research, in great detail, each spiritual path that you are interested in taking. Heathenery is not for everyone and it is not an easy path to follow but, for me at least, it's well worth the effort. I would also advise you to be very very careful about which sources you follow. There are, very unfortunately, "Heathen" groups, organizations and KZbin personalities that use our religion to further racism, bigotry, hatred and trans/homophobia. We do not consider these people Heathens and we condone them and their teachings. Be careful of anything that mentions folkism and steer clear of the Ásatru Folk Assembly also know as the AFA. They are extremely racist and trans/homophobic.

[@329Punkrockprincess]

Interesting story for sure. I feel we need to take a drink for every pun that was, slipped in there. 😂 The way you explained this at the end, was a great closing. Thank you! 😂❤️

[@TheDarkplace]

Sacrifice for the algorithm gods, and i must get some mind bleach

[@beitgorski7296]

The creative alliteration in minute 2 is divine

[@jaybat24]

That was a hard pill to swallow.

[@mb-js8vb]

“Good pupper, and worthy of head pats!” Description leveled up!

[@DarknessnekoProduct]

Huh...the Norse decided to make a phallic instrument into a god, especially from bordum. I find this strange comparision hilarious.

[@cpullic]

Only a true kinsman could tell a story of a horses tool and make it very interesting to listen to.🍻

[@lilw0lfi379]

“Lets take a break to wash out our brains” *shows horses*

[@jackass.jpeg.]

Excited for a new video! Edit: oh dear gods why

[@iloveprivacy8167]

Wait: is that last snippet from The Hockey Sweater?! Unexpected, and definitely the touch that pushed my finger to the "Like" button.

[@DrDino123]

This is the type of videos I subbed for! Woot!! Lmao

[@lookitsanotherpig9708]

Goodbye nice horse documentary, you looked beautiful but after this I don’t feel ready.

[@russkiraider01]

On today's adventures in "Heathen homework"....thank you Ocean for this video, and godsdamnit, hail the Volsi.

[@draxthewarlocktitan5217]

Isn’t their actually an old Indo-Iranian ritual involving a sacrificed horse and it’s severed member? Thought I read something along those lines and this funny story reminded me of it.

[@zephyrwayfarer]

We are all worthy of headpats.

[@Velothi]

The chapter titles of this video... pure gold.

[@saurianwatcher4437]

Love this! Expertly beheld. One small note from a prior navy man: 08:15 forecastle is pronounced foke-sell. (Makes sense if you just delete letters and replace with apostrophes: fo'c's'le. )

[@Amehana]

You impress me how you were able to get through this without great peals of laughter. How many times did you have to do retakes?

[@OceanKeltoi]

I only needed a couple, but usually because I fucked up a word here or there. I was able to keep a straight face until I was editing it. And I will say that I did crack myself up at the wash our brains montage.

[@lilykatmoon4508]

Floppy, floundering phallus- that’s some top tier alliteration there!

[@thepaganpirate3528]

This may be one of my top favorite videos of yours Ocean!

[@Levestire]

Historical educational !! LAERIR is my fav fyi. After I wash my brain obviously

[@ckorone]

My new favorite video of yours! A fun story to begin with, and SO well told here!

[@googliusmaximus6507]

The historical christ wpuld probably hare appreciated the story as humorous literature, as he was a working man, and would have appteciated it doubly for it's style, being a literate OT reader--whick DOES have some good stories,--and yours in both script and presentation, as he was a pretty fair preacher, as I understand...

[@Seraxiv]

Well I'm glad this is the first video I'm a patreon for, I'm glad my name is on that forever lol

[@ogg5949]

Thank you patrons!!

[@baaletsah1761]

Interesting story and funny too. I may put a phallic element on my altar and term it Volsi!

[@dindranew.6808]

Beautifully delivered, as always. I always learn so much. I am reminded of the herma of Athens.

[@n.e.goldsteen342]

love for the intro

[@bezoticallyyours83]

This story is bizarre. Your wordplay is hilarious.

[@kman5475]

I'm a Humanist but, gods damn, can I convert to Volsism?

[@bezoticallyyours83]

You'll need to acquire one first, start by hitting up that most intimate shop of carnal delights to pick one out. And then erect your altar, size does not necessarily factor.

[@BlackFlagHeathen]

Oh gods all the puns you slipped in here have me dying! 💀😂🤣

[@bezoticallyyours83]

I'm glad to know we'll never be "hard up" for puns when this man is involved.