The sudden realization that lead Christian back to sleeping again (Talking insomnia

[@chris10isleyen]

Thanks again for having me on Daniel! If anyone has questions feel free to ask.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Anytime Christian, thanks so much for sharing and helping 😊

[@chris10isleyen]

@@teresahoang6593 I’ve had it for around six months, and there are nights where I still don’t sleep that great however I no longer try to fight those nights and I let them take me wherever it takes me. The thing that keeps the cycle continuing indefinitely is the anxiety of not wanting to experience those nights. If you can allow yourself to have those nights without resisting, it will slowly ease off your mind.

[@robertwaters7555]

Hey Christian -- No question from me. Just wanted to say this video was great. I don't know that I've seen anyone frame the insomnia experience as precisely and eloquently as you did here.

[@drewholland8329]

Thanks for sharing man. During this time when you were dealing with this were you ever getting sleepy? This is similar to my situation and I seem to never even get sleepy.

[@chris10isleyen]

@@drewholland8329 that’s because you’re in a state of adrenaline/anxiety. It’s completely normal, it’s as if you’ve lost the ability to feel tired. It will slowly dissipate the more comfortable you get with it.

[@marcocr228]

Thank you so much guys. After 15 years, finally, I have sleep two full nights! THANK YOU!

[@GreatAussieDrives]

Daniel & Christian, I just wanted to say thank you so much for this video, it's a gold mine for anyone suffering from insomnia - I actually broke down a bit watching it, everything was so beautifully put and relatable. I've had occasional bouts of insomnia my whole life, it doesn't happen often but when it does it's usually severe - as I'm writing this I haven't slept in 2 days. My insomnia is anxiety based but it results in physical symptoms I think due to hyperarousal, namely hypnic jerks and bolts of adrenaline, as well as sleep myoclonus right as I'm on the verge of falling asleep. Everything said in this video mirrors my journey so far to a tee, I think I'm currently at the point where I've just realised that all of this is due to anxiety and the best way to fight it is to not worry and accept it, but I still need to truly convince myself and my body of that fact because, as you said, it really feels like jumping into the deep end and the lack of sleep is frankly terrifying (at least for me). And when you're currently at your lowest due to insomnia the irrational and manic thoughts are real - the fear of never sleeping again, that something is fundamentally broken as mentioned in this video is so vividly real, and it leads to a negative spiral where every bad night just feeds in the insomnia more and more. And I guess the last hurdle is for me to get past that. Again, huge thanks to the both of you for this interview, I really needed to hear this today and I'm sure a huge amount of other people currently with insomnia do too!

[@chris10isleyen]

I understand completely. When I developed insomnia, it developed after an extremely stressful and anxiety inducing period in my life. I struggled for a long time before I realized it is not insomnia itself that it is the problem, but my extreme extreme resistant to experiencing it. If you willing allow yourself to experience it, and drop all safety mechanisms to 150% guarantee sleep, it will fade. Stop counting how many hours you sleep, stop being in bed AT A CERTAIN TIME etc. Allow sleep to become the most thoughtless and effortless experience possible. Sleep is a huge side effect of being completely at ease. The more you resist being awake the cycle continues. I had a night the other night where I couldn't sleep. I am in the process of quitting smoking so trouble sleeping was it expected. I think I slept two hours. But, i got up and lived my life and at the end of the night I passed out. Your attitude to not being able to sleep is about 85% of what recovery is about. It isn't about achieving sleep, it's about even if you don't sleep, you know you will be fine.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Anytime, thanks so much for sharing and for the kind kind words 😊 Rooting for you!!

[@Amyyp0518]

This one really hit the nail on the head for me. I feel like I’ll never sleep again. I’ve even convinced myself I have SFI and I’m gonna dye recently. It’s so scary how bad I have been feeling lately. I just purchased your book today and can’t wait to read it.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad you found this talk Amy, and I hope the book will help much!

[@xxgulaggodxx885]

How is your sleep now?

[@nl212ep]

Christian, your story was my story to the TEE. You made me realize that this is more common than I thought. God bless you.

[@chris10isleyen]

No problem my friend. Face your fear head on, and let go of controlling how you sleep and it’ll be transformative.

[@jismelypolanco6345]

@@chris10isleyen how’s your sleep since then?

[@jismelypolanco6345]

@@chris10isleyen hi Chris, is your sleep better now?

[@jpadillap9431]

What a golden interview

[@mareerobison6162]

Christian Thankyou!!! Your interview here is my favourite so far. You describe the concepts around insomnia recovery so clearly! 8 years for me. I’m slowly making headway but I feel like this video right here is going to be a game changer for me. I’m so grateful to you and of course Daniel 🤩 I’m going to listen a few more times 😊🙏🏼 Blessings to you both 💟💟

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

😊🙏! So so glad you found this, and I know I speak for Christian as well, he really wanted to help. Thanks much for the support and, you’re in the path that leads where we went to be

[@kristinedelgadillo9655]

Fantastic insight, Christian! Very eloquently stated. I couldn’t believe how similar my experience is to yours. The main difference is I’ve had sleep anxiety for years, and it’s gradually worsening. I’m glad I found this video and this channel. Thank you for sharing what you learned! It makes me feel hopeful, which is such a rare feeling when it comes to improving my sleep anxiety. I usually feel isolated and hopeless but now I feel optimistic that there is a chance for me to overcome this. My parents also always tell me to just watch tv or do anything I’d normally do during the day and I also think they just don’t understand! Maybe they understand more than I think lol!

[@chris10isleyen]

I get that completely. My parents told me the same thing, my Dad specifically because he had a brief instance of it. Don’t fight it. Go to it. If you’re afraid, acknowledge it. “I am afraid because I cannot control you and that disturbs me. But I am going to let do your thing.”. When I stopped trying to induce sleep, sleep happens.

[@heggietje]

So good that you said “it ok to be scared”. I am already pretty far on my journey and sleep good most nights, but I get very frustrated with being scared to go to bed.

[@chris10isleyen]

I understand. The fear comes from a plethora of really bad nights, nights where you wouldn’t allow yourself to be awake and to enjoy it. When you figure out your own way of enjoying being up, and you’ll actually begin to look forward to them.

[@danh2310]

I'm the same I've been using mirtazapine which i regret. Yes I'm sleeping most nights but I can't fully eliminate the fear of Insomnia until I do it with no medication. That's when I will truly feel confident in my ability to sleep and hopefully the sleep anxiety will fade away in time

[@laurenscott6719]

The way you broke everything down in this video is EVERYTHING. So many of the videos on this channel have made a lot of sense to me but this one just hit different. You explained everything in a way I think EVERYONE can understand and relate to. And also just how you explain WHAT to do… it’s hard for some people to explain how to “let go” but you seem to do it so so well. Thank you. I know what I’ll be listening to now whenever I feel the fear increasing within about sleep!

[@chris10isleyen]

Letting go was the one thing that I struggled to understand. But by letting go, you essentially say: “I may or may not go through this, but I will no longer try to prevent it from happening.”.

[@laurenscott6719]

@@chris10isleyen soooo spot on! You word it so well. Thanks so much for sharing your story

[@MaryLee-j7l]

I'm going to second that comment that Christian would make a great coach. Wishing him all the best as his insomnia continues to fade!

[@Dajlec]

This is like listening to my story...exactly the same...same feelings. People who never experienced this don't and can't ever understand just how hard this is. One word to describe it is hell. When the anxiety kicks in and then depression takes over, and you lose all ability to be happy, to see any kind of future...you are in a dark space. To whoever is reading this, you are not alone. Your insomnia is not special, and you are not broken. You will be OK, I promise! And it is true what he says in the video: the only way to win is not to play.

[@martalisicka1041]

You helped me ! Hearing your story it downed on me I had a sleep anxiety for 30 years. And tried everything and it was a roller coaster ride. Today is a new day and the beginning of my new life. Thank you and bless you for making this video ❤

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So so glad it did Marta 🙂 Christian will be too when he sees this. Especially after so many years of struggle, it shows we can always leave these inner struggles. Thanks so much for the support 🙏

[@chris10isleyen]

I’m so glad that I could be of help! I’ve had my fair share of anxiety in different forms over the years and insomnia was probably the strongest I’ve felt. Once I realized this, I found myself understanding that in order to overcome the things that make us anxious we must allow ourselves to experience it. Because the reality is, all form of anxiety is just us trying to save ourselves from whatever we perceive as a threat.

[@shantanuchatterjee8201]

im going through the same thing marta. It will all work out in the end, lack of sleep is fine, it wont kill you or do anything.. just fuck up brain a little bit and make you tired.. headaches and all.. all these people overexaggerate and it just makes our anxiety worse. I pray for you, or anyone who is going through this.. it will get better trust me... virtual hugs to all of you...

[@jackiefloretan]

When I listen to this I feel like it could be me saying all those regarding hyperarousal. Thank you so much for sharing Christian I am still struggling since 2 months it just started from nowhere but I will do what you did. Thank you for this great interview.

[@gamyjuarez]

Great episode!! Nice job sharing your story Christian. I think I am almost ready to share mine. Gamy

[@noracoyle4988]

Im now almost 67, my insomnia started in my teens when i got bullied at school, very bad social anxiety as well. This insomnia came right through my life with me. It caused manor depressions, dependancy on alcohol and cigarettes, made many bad choices. Rhe isolation and lonliness is terribly difficult. Im taking Zolpidem 10 mg at night for the past 20 years dont know how im even going to begin to get off it.

[@selinsozer5350]

hey! I hope you are doing better. I been taking zolpidem for almost two months and I am tapering off right now with the guidance of my psychiatrists and team of psychologists at an out patient program. There are also many in patient programs that take insurance and help with ambien detoxing. This may be beneficial for you, especially when combined with individual and group therapy. It may be important for you to address the unresolved fear and trauma from your childhood and understand why you fear sleep. And such programs can help! I hope this helps :) i wish you the best.

[@pattychristison4121]

So true-we will be ok the next day even though we won’t feel as good as we would like. We will have much more strength than we think we will have. I have proved that many times over.

[@pattidunegan8395]

Wow. So very helpful. He was extremely articulate and very good at translating his experience into one we all can relate to, reinforcing all the education we who watch these have gleaned into one video. Incredible job Christian and thank you.

[@chris10isleyen]

Anytime! I wanted to make sure I was in depth as possible so people could pick up the thought processes on how it works.

[@jamesb4861]

Christian, it's a great video thank you. But I just don't know what to 'do' when I'm lying there awake in the night, even if I stay calm, it seems impossible to stay like that for hours and soon the fear begins to creep up on you once you realise you are not falling asleep, even if you're not trying to do anything to sleep, how can you get the same a point of not caring about being awake when you have a hard day at work the next day or you've planned something active with your friends or family and you know you're going to feel awful or even potentially dangerous doing something like driving, there is a real impact on your life, or at least for me there is and that is what fuels the fear

[@chris10isleyen]

@@jamesb4861 the fear is fueled primarily due to the inability to experience those sensations and circumstances. Until you fully surrender and allow yourself to go through that experience, it’ll always be on your mind. As far as what to do, if you can’t fall asleep, think of any possible enjoyable thing you like partaking in, and do it. Think of it like this: what would you be doing if it was five hours earlier in the day?

[@poojachhatwani]

Hey Patti! Did your frequent urination thing solve? Mine has become very serious these days and very annoying where I am getting up in every 5-10 mins to pee. It happens even throughout the day now. But it's very strange because on days that I am super exhausted and I immediately fall asleep I would wake up hours later to go to pee but when I can't fall asleep then I need to go again and again. I am seeing doctors but no help really.

[@pattidunegan8395]

@@poojachhatwani yes! All symptoms of anxiety! I’m still in recovery, but doing better for sure! It’s a long haul but it’s so worth it! My guess is this will resolve for you given time

[@perrintherider]

Thank you for sharing your experience, Christian! I teared up watching this because I feel like I’m going through the exact same thing you mentioned you’re going through. It’s great to feel less alone in this struggle as the symptoms can be so isolating! It feels like if you can get through it, I can too.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad you found this Perrin, and thanks for sharing. Christian was hoping so much to help

[@chris10isleyen]

You can! And you will!

[@michellechang2538]

We’ll say, great interview, thanks to Christin’s excellent insight strategy. I agreed with Christin, we learned so much about other life obstacles from being through the insomnia.

[@phoenixvj8824]

I just want to say thank you to both of you (coach & Christian) for this recovery story. I learned so much from this video. After getting Long Covid last year, which really messed with my sleep, I finally was able to get off my sleep med. So, thank you 🙏

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

😊🙏

[@julla1416]

Helpful!!!

[@rosiemac2538]

Oh this was a great one

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Agree ☺️!

[@theoburge2288]

this guy is awesome i struggle to accept the insomnia

[@shannonglover5444]

I started to look at it as a disease. Like ok I've got this insomnia disease but I'm not going to let that ruin my life. I'm going to live my life fully despite it. That is what allowed me to finally accept it and get better nights.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

This is the way

[@chris10isleyen]

In a similar fashion that’s what helped me as well.

[@amberh476]

I find it easier to get in bed feeling optimistic about not worrying about it but much harder if not impossible to “not care about it” when I’ve been laying there for over an hour or waking up multiple times. Then the fear creeps back in and I end up not sleeping. What can we tell ourselves when we have tried “letting it go” but then are staring at the ceiling and feel the anxiety coming.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Amber, It is true that one of the most common things you’ll hear someone who no longer struggles with sleep will say helped is - “I stopped caring about sleep.” And on one hand we can see that this makes sense. It’s when we are putting sleep on a piedestal, making it something we desire and try to obtain, that’s when we struggle with sleep. On the other hand - how can one not care about sleep? After pondering this quite a bit, I realized that the person who says they “don’t care” - they actually do. We all do! All humans want to sleep well. But what they mean is something different. They mean that they are not attached to the outcome, they are okay with either a night of peaceful sleep and a choppy night. Both outcomes any given night is acceptable. This is actually where the idea of Natto (not attached to the outcome) mindset comes from. So in summary - there’s no need to try to make oneself not care! But, it helps when we see that we can’t control what happens any given night and find ourselves becoming willing to experience each outcome. Speaking of which, one outcome is not letting go, and when we no longer judge ourselves for this, or for how we feel, then things do get easier.

[@chris10isleyen]

Hey Amber, I saw your comment and I wanted to add on what Daniel said. I still have nights where I don’t sleep that good, or I won’t pass out immediately, or I don’t get much sleep. However, this whole thing starts because of our association of some bad nights and how we responded to them. When I stopped caring, I essentially told myself “for better or worse, I’m going to stop trying to fix this.”. Because I just couldn’t mentally do it anymore it was just too exhausting for me. And what I began to realize is, the sleep itself wasn’t the problem, it’s what I kept doing to prevent it from happening. All this research, all this supplements, all these rules I was doing, was telling my subconscious that this was something that was a huge threat. And the more I tried to fix it the more I failed. So when you stop caring, you essentially become accepting of whatever happens. However, to get there, requires courage. Because the reality is this is a test of facing our fears when we’re scared of something we don’t know how to avoid. Anxiety in my experience becomes completely solidified when we commit our entire life to prevent a less than desirable outcome from happening. Living in a state of prevention is what makes it stay with you indefinitely. It really is a life lesson, on how to properly respond to the things that worry and stress us. And to be honest, choosing a different way to respond, and time are the two biggest factors that helped me overcome it. When you feeling the fear and anxiety coming do not run from them, sit with them. Because your brain will slowly start picking up on you not treating it like a life or death situation. So when you feel the coming on acknowledge it “Okay, my nerves are acting up. It’s 12:15 am and I’m still not sleeping. That’s fine, I’m going to watch TV. Okay I’m feeling sleepy, I’m going to try again.”. And that’s how it gets better. You keep pushing that boundary and keep being comfortable with anything that comes your way. The main responsibility is to try to convince yourself this is no longer an issue and to live your life regardless of what happens. I hope this was it some help.

[@lucyparsonage6907]

'The only responsibility that you have is trying to tell your brain it's no longer a threat' ☺✌👍

[@FireyMatrix]

Great content 😊

[@philthyrich1433]

THESE ARE ALWAYS MY FAVORITE EPISODES ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WORK COACH DANIEL, HIGHLY APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU DO 🙏

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad you’re finding value in these stories FR 😊

[@AyeshaKhan-q9s]

My concept of acceptance is that you accept the circumstances you’re in. The panic that comes with it is that it’s a lifelong thing then. How do I deal with this part of acceptance? I feel like the panic is an automatic part of the process.

[@chris10isleyen]

Acceptance is when you recognize the situation you’re in, along with the feelings thoughts and sensations, and rather than try to change it you take it for what it is and go with it. The panic is your brain going “HEY MAN, UH WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS?” Try not to think of them as you. Your loudest signal you could ever possibly send to the mind that it is no longer an issue is to live your life as if you don’t have it, and when it does happen you experience it and purposely do the things you love and enjoy in the night. You don’t have to leave your bed either. Your bed is a place of relaxation and rest, that doesn’t mean you have to be asleep. The more and more you expose yourself to it, and not resist it, it will fade. I still get thoughts to this day, and still have spotty nights. The difference being, I no longer fight them.

[@AyeshaKhan-q9s]

@@chris10isleyen thank you so muchhh! 💯

[@AyeshaKhan-q9s]

@@chris10isleyen Hi, My concern is what if you’re going through a stretch of sleepless nights. It gets harder with each night to stay calm and do something productive.

[@chris10isleyen]

@@AyeshaKhan-q9s think of it like this, every attempt to solve or fix the problem, will further reinforce to your brain that “this is a life threatening issue that is going to kill me.”. Every google search, every supplement, technique, will solidify the pressure, the anxiety, to become a constant ever playing program that occurs right on time. To truly overcome the struggle of sleepless nights filled with anxiety and worry, is to address that you feel that way, by you continue living anyways. It takes courage, because at the time your mind will constantly play back the same issues. You truly have to let go and have faith and say “yeah I may have this issue, but I will no longer allow you to rule my life and affect my decisions.”. If you’re scared, that is the direction to go in. Because when you face your fears head on, and say “Yeah I’m scared, but I do not care do your worse” your fear loses power over you. Remember, fear is the mind killer.

[@katthys12212]

Great video!!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Thanks!!

[@ianquigley5070]

Thank you for sharing your recovery journey. Have you ever thought about being a sleep coach, as I feel you have a very relaxed, informative style in the way you convey information

[@AdeleBowness]

Hi, I acknowledged my issue was skeep anxiety and then found your videos. Thank you so much. They were a game changer for me in my approach to dealing with insomnia. I am much calmer now but still do not sleep at all most nights. This is so frustrating. But I do feel empowered that I am no longer anxious about not sleeping. Am I on the road to recovery? Is being calm the first step? 🤞🤞

[@chris10isleyen]

Yes being calm and accepting of the situation is the first step in overcoming sleep anxiety.

[@AdeleBowness]

@@chris10isleyen thank you for the reply. I am definitely on the up now!

[@jenniferguthrie5083]

I’m curious if you’ve tried any medications. I’m dealing with this too

[@jenniferguthrie5083]

@@chris10isleyen I’m curious if the doctors gave you any medications and did you take them

[@adeelawan4031]

@@AdeleBownesshow are you now ? Did that helped brother ?

[@Jemma456]

@chris10isleyen6 Hi Chris, i feel that you explained everything so well and easy to understand. I wanted to ask what you did during hyper arousal symptoms? I'm starting to feel the heart racing, palpitations and pressure on my chest when i am trying to fall asleep and when i wake up, as this is due to so much anxiety around not sleeping. Did you just sit with them or do some breathing exercises? What helped for you?

[@chris10isleyen]

I sat with them and recognized that it was a habitual stress response that was activating due to how I reacted previously to not being able to sleep. Your brain stores that information and will release those same feelings out of habit. The best thing to do is to acknowledge your feelings of anxiety but rather than push them out, allow them to be there. It’s your body’s built in threat detection system, and by you not reacting and going with it, your brain will realize it is no longer a threat. I hope this was of some help.

[@mclaughlink311]

Hey Daniel. Kyle McLaughlin here. I did a success story for you and I find myself back in the fight. It’s more confusing now because I understand it’s fear but it just feels like there’s nothing left to understand. I’m still scared of the feeling even though I understand why I happened. Never seen any videos on this topic.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Kyle, I remember very well, thanks so much for the help and, sorry to hear there’s been some struggle again. But yes, it’s very common and normal Kyle, even with understanding. It’s like when we watch a movie for the second time, we know the end and still get really anxious. Check talking insomnia 99 on this experience which we call the sandstorm. Rooting for you

[@Moriningland]

It’s hard to let go when I will lose my job if I don’t get the sleep I need to do it properly. Luckily I live in the USA, with a robust social safety net

[@elizabeth-vs6nt]

Daniel maybe ask Christian to also jpin youll as a coach if he wants to that is. He has a natural affinity for it.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

He does indeed, and I’ll keep this suggestion in mind 🙂

[@Katherine-ds2ft]

How do you tell your brain it's no longer a threat when it's already in a panic?

[@chris10isleyen]

By literally sitting with the feelings and not trying to push them away. Your brain is powered by your reactions. So if you go to bed thinking “Oh please god I hope I get to sleep tonight.” Your brain will register it as a legitimate threat to your survival. So it’s not about trying to sleep, it’s more about how we choose to respond to not sleeping. I hope this helped out.

[@Katherine-ds2ft]

@@chris10isleyen it helps a lot! Thank you so much for your response. I'm working on it :)

[@AlexanderDassen-io4jw]

Hi christian, Thanks for sharing your video. Its as if I seen myself in this video. I myself came in contact with the channel from Daniel in january this year and the videos from alina 37:33 and Nina were also both the videos where it started to click to me. Its an enormous, hard and interesting learning journey about fear and yourself. I have one question for you regards how to deal with the automatic fear response from the body when you say for example are awake from 24:00 to 4:00. I am consious of the fact that my reaction has to be effortlessly. But now it comes: sometimes the pressure is so enormous that I doubting of probably watching some tv to relax but There is something in me that even wants to accept the enormous pressure (that enormous pressure feels like the last obstacle for me) I assume you are femiliar with this enormous pressure and if so you take this in your space of acceptance or you make it yourself easyer? Greetings, Alex

[@chris10isleyen]

Yes the pressure of trying to fall asleep is something that was very very debilitating at first. Acceptance also includes acknowledging “okay, I’m trying to force myself to sleep, but why?”. Insomnia really sinks into the fear of the unknown, and will have do things in order to prevent it from reoccurring. So, what I started doing was, if I couldn’t fall asleep, I’d turn on my tv, watch tv, scroll on my phone and PURPOSEFULLY look at the time, and not trying to change anything and just ride it out. Because it’s all about sending the message to the subconscious that the inability to fall asleep is no longer a threat to your well being. Little by little this pressure will fade.

[@AlexanderDassen-io4jw]

Thank you for your answer. The message to your subconsiousnes that its no issue anymore to be awake is key👍 Thanks for your openness. Greetings, Alexander

[@harryy5625]

I feel like by hearing someone else share their experience, you feel automatically reassured. For me, Im in a stage where I understand the concept of letting go and how continuous problem solving will just cause the problem to spiral out of control. I’ve also watched Alina’s videos on insomnia which led me to this realization, so before sleeping I would always remind myself that continuous problem solving will just make it worse and how there is “no perfect sleep”. But when I remind myself about this, I get more hyper aware right before I doze off. I feel like I still struggle to fall asleep easily and end up tossing and turning for hours. It’s not that I am catastrophizing at night (well that may happen during nights before exams), but more like, I’m relaxed and I understand the antidote to insomnia. Why am I not asleep? How should I move forward with this?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad hairy to hear that things are getting easier. And often when that happens, and when, for example, Alina gets the question of how to move forward, it can be answered with a follow-up question, which is what led you to this place? Whatever lead to things getting a bit easier, for example, education and courage and self kindness, it also leads to even more peace of mind :-)

[@harryy5625]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks for replying, honestly you’re the best I’ve been watching a lot of your videos!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

😊

[@lucylight176]

Extremely helpful on on the depths & details of the acceptance thing. Read that acceptance can be such daunting word for anxiety (I felt this) and that 'expansiveness' can work better. We can expand to accommodate our fear & its symptoms without it being at the forefront & taking us over. Have been doing this finally -13 nights' full sleep.☺...(after another run of terrible months) ...just allowing but not focusing...and sleep's been magically happening!!! No sleep-onset brain-jerks (hypnic jerks -twas my thing for many years). I still have the damn smoking thing Daniel!!! Where I feel I can't let it happen & release the jerks without having a tiny bit -and I absolutely hate it (as I'm really into health & ready to sleep) -but I don't feel ready to ride that through too just yet so I cave to the habit😕. This interview really hit the nail on the head, took me years to start accepting it all, in all its manifestations and leave them alone and head on through :). Ps someone recently told me the brain/hypnic jerks could have become like a tic -& that the way to reduce them is to accept and press on -which in this way could apply to night tics as much as day ones, just that you can't re-focus on vibrant activity like in day but on being relaxed and open to things being ok :) Thank you both -top quality👍👍👍

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Lucy, so so glad you saw this episode and that it brought so much value. Christian will be so happy to see this, he really wanted to help. Also glad things have been easier lately 🙂

[@lucylight176]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Yes, he provided great encouragement & support :)🙏thank you both. Ps I am also using the Guy Meadows book -great for more on the details of acceptance :)

[@chris10isleyen]

I’m glad I could be of help! Acceptance used to really confuse me as well. I kept looking at it as more of an emotion rather than a deliberate decision and thought process.

[@lucylight176]

@@chris10isleyen Ah lovely to speak to you! Your video is another great one here, packed with so much help & inspiration :) Yes I had great long difficulty accepting acceptance! Esp as I'd managed to clear it before for months with finally realizing I had a choice & as if stepping out of the whole thing. Accepting felt like the opposite & with these jerks it felt like lying down to be tortured & not even able to bite a bit of rubber! But I'm seeing that acceptance is the same as what I did before but working through rather than jumping to the end, which is more of a foundational approach. I am so pleased as I was also able to use this approach for the small weed smoking habit I'd got stuck in before sleeping for ages recently...I finally felt ready to 'allow' & trust' & it worked. Id tried not to have it the night before & had an allnighter but I felt ok physically (which is such an improvement too) just worried about getting past it.. So pleased, another milestone.. acceptance is a superpower!!! :)

[@chris10isleyen]

@@lucylight176 Acceptance is the one thing that makes a difference. I still have bad nights here and there. For what reason I honestly have no clue, I just don't fall asleep for whatever reason. The less we treat sleep as a thing we have to manage, the better.

[@heroedeleyenda79]

"Insomnia Insight #419: A strange game" was also a game changer for me and a must watch. When it comes to acceptance in insomnia land, this definition helped me understand it better: "Acceptance means acknowledging that what we're experiencing is happening whether we like it or not. It puts a stop to that increasing aggravation, allowing us to fully observe what's happening and assess how we skillfully respond"

[@chris10isleyen]

“We can’t change what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond.”.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Santiago! So nice seeing you here again, and thanks for sharing the episode we talked about 🙏

[@AyeshaKhan-q9s]

Hi I don’t understand the reaction part. I know I’m going through a sleepless night. My heart is racing and brain is throwing intrusive thoughts. I’m panicking. Is that my reaction or my body’s reaction to the adrenaline? I just can’t seem to distinguish.

[@chris10isleyen]

@@AyeshaKhan-q9s it’s a mixture of the two. The brain throwing thoughts, and the heart racing is due to the consistent familiarity of not sleeping being a threat. You have to change it by allowing it to happen and not resisting being unable to sleep.

[@AyeshaKhan-q9s]

@@chris10isleyen Hi, so basically I’m in this cycle where I want to stay awake and watch what happens. Everytime I close my eyes, my adrenaline increases and intrusive thoughts come flooding to the point that I feel like there’s no way out. How do I break free from this cycle? I’m supposed to observe my thoughts but how do I do so?

[@ackphilchi6880]

Hello, Christian your experience is similar to mine and so many others. I'm in the process in trying not to care but it's so hard especially when you experience a sleepless night May I know how you cope during on of these nights? Do you just lie on Bed for 8 hours or you get up And so stuff

[@melissasanpablo3493]

One of the best success stories! I'm still in the middle of struggle and wanting to find hope in these successes. Can I ask a question, how can I truly befriend wakefulness if I feel so tired and drained?

[@chris10isleyen]

Befriending wakefulness is essentially allowing yourself to enjoy being up, by… being up. Want to watch a movie? Go ahead. Got books to read? Turn away! The tired and drained factor in my experience, is a result of physical restlessness, the tossing and turning and the constant movement. Now, fatigue is an issue with lack of sleep. I slept around five hours last night and felt a little off today, but I still pushed myself to go out and do things. When you overcome the feelings of fatigue and keep going, it’ll get to the point where it no longer bothers you.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Thanks so much for replying Christian and also Melissa, I picked your comment for today’s episode. Hope that helps as well!

[@melissasanpablo3493]

Thank you both Daniel and Chris! Really helped a lot!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

😊

[@alexcalzoni]

@@chris10isleyen Hi Chris, I also believe the tired and drained is (partly) a result of physical restlessness. However, sometimes the urge to toss and turn or change position seems unavoidable, especially when there's a strong anxiety component. Would you suggest to try and remain as still as possible even if it feels really uncomfortable?

It’s not easy to befriend wakefulness especially when it’s the very thing that is triggering the fear. What i learned (form Coach Veronika) is that we can start with tolerating it. We may not necessarily treat it as our friend right off the bat but just start off with tolerating it and then being okay with it eventually. Im still not sure if I can say i can befriend it and “love” being awake at odd times of the night but I think Im slowly becoming “okay@ with being awake. Some nights might be harder than others but that’s where self compassion comes in for me..

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So so well said, thank you much for posting and sharing here 😊

[@jpadillap9431]

🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@ackphilchi6880]

Christian's story is like mine and I'm already in a month in. I'm Not sure if Christian will get this question but which program at Sleep Coach School did you enrolled in ?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Glad you can relate, it helps so much knowing we’re not alone or the only one. I can’t remember but I believe Christian just listened to the channel

[@charliegardiner5347]

Hi Daniel I feel exhausted all the time even when I get 7-8 sleep, I’m starting to feel I have chronic fatigue syndrome do you have any explanation for this

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Charlie, Sorry to hear but yes, we have a playlist on this that I think can really help, especially learning about emotional fatigue. Check the unrefreshing sleep playlist, link in description of any new video.

[@yourfriendlyneighbor-x3x]

Thanks for the video My issue is that I think I’m at the point where it’s not the wakefulness that I fear anymore, which I guess is a step in the right direction. Christian mentioned that the fatigue didn’t really bother him but that’s what I’m most afraid of. More specifically, I’m afraid of how the fatigue makes me feel. I’m afraid of how it affects my mood, and how it takes me to really, really low places mentally/emotionally. Does that make sense? Do you have any comment on that? Thank you.

[@chris10isleyen]

When you allow yourself to experience those feelings and try to make the best of those days, the fear will leave you gradually.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Anytime Kevin and you know, it can seem so unlike but as Christian points out, even the fatigue is mostly an emotion… but listen to our playlist called unrefreshing sleep, link in description, that can help so much

[@sandraburr-c5y]

How did you do it? Tell how

[@tonjapenn8237]

I have chronic inso..IA since 2005. I have been on meds every day. I can't fall asleep. I have tried so.many things, herbs, night quilt, benadryl, GABza cherry juice. I feel I was going to die like what Christian was saying. Been.on Temzepam for years, started with Lunesta. This is affecting my health and my looks.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hey there! Thanks for sharing your experience. Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.

[@jenniferguthrie5083]

Has anything worked for you, going through it too, at the acceptance stage sort of

[@Gebev]

What's the relisation he made?

[@chrisanneedwards8603]

Thought everything you said made so much sense. Please can you tell me the author of The Sleep Book.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad to hear 🙂 and sure it’s Guy Meadows

[@chrisanneedwards8603]

Thank you so much, I'm at the end of my tether & am willing to try anything after years of little or no sleep. Have downloaded the book to my kindle. Thank you for your prompt reply.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Anytime Chrisanne, hope you find much value there. Oh and the most common question from the book I get is “Do we really have to stay in bed at night?”. I think Meadows would say no, it’s about not trying to avoid the anxiety. Often we get out of bed to escape a feeling. But I think he’d agree that if we just want to get up, just because it feels nice, then there’s no issues.

[@Moriningland]

Insomnia is destroying my life right now. I’m ill all the time now

[@homesteadingpastor]

Has anyone ever heard of a chiropractor causing sleeplessness due to using a very aggressive massage tool on the upper spine & base of the skull. Had one used on me & haven’t been able to to sleep on my own in 6 months.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hang in there! A thousand things like this could disrupt our sleep because of discomfort, but only the fear that our sleep system is damaged by a chiropractor can keep us struggling with sleep for months. Rooting for you

[@homesteadingpastor]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you 🙏🏻😇

[@Sophie10925]

Its so similar to my story!! How to Deal with acceptance becomes an effort?

[@ballisbulat5512]

Daniel, can you answer this. My ocd makes me overthink it. I don’t think acceptance is an effort at all…

[@chris10isleyen]

@@ballisbulat5512 acceptance is the complete opposite of effort. It’s recognizing the current situation that you’re in and willingly allowing it to run it’s course.

[@lucylight176]

I really understand. I became too preoccupied/obsessed on how exactly to do it. If you can put your 'effort' or 'obsession with acceptance' into the accepting itself -so ALL of it is in there -the worrying, the worrying about worrying, all the symptoms -everything -just KNOW you are accepting it all and let it go -with a sense -it can do what it needs. At least that is what is working for me :) hope this helps :) your brain feels physically more settled after too, not having to work it out anymore :) relief!!

[@ballisbulat5512]

@@chris10isleyen yes, i actually got this after a few minutes. It is the opposite of struggle. Helped me with a lot of ocd themes. It takes practice, and you wont be able to get relief when you’re in the thick of it. But once the anxiety is gone, you can even laugh abt your struggle and how silly it is. Its crazy.

[@chris10isleyen]

@@ballisbulat5512 I’ve had some OCD themes in the past and acceptance allowed me to pass them by. Whenever we don’t accept our own thoughts feelings and sensations, our brain takes a registered note that it’s a threat to our wellbeing. However, if the anxiety kicks in the one thing to do is “Okay, my body and mind think this is a threat to me, now I’m GONNA show it’s not, by doing nothing at all.”. With anxiety less is more.