The Twenties Series | Friendships as a young adult | Unfold

[@keitumetsepule856]

I resonate with a lot of what you said. I've never been a fan of cliques (still not) and I prefer to have one-one-one friendships because I've found those to be the most authentic. I still have a few friends from high school, but having attended an all girls high school I thought I'd have more from there but life happens and people grow apart. I think I definitely need to work on communicating my expectations better because, like you said, certain things I feel I shouldn't have to explain (for example, I'm quite entrepreneurial and I'm running a few projects so having supportive friends insofar as asking how they can help, sharing content, checking how I'm coping, celebrating my wins with me etc. goes a long way) but I get how unvoiced expectations are also unfair on the other person. And support comes in many different forms so it doesn't have to be public but I think you should want to see your friends win (and help where you can) and there's something off if you don't. Also, the point on how we afford more grace to romantic partners than we do to friends is a conversation worth having for sure.

[@sinovuyodamane]

You've articulated my thoughts exactly! I'm also glad that you mentioned the 'growing apart' part, because sometimes we tend to want to desperately hold on to what once was a friendship, even when it is clear that the friendship no longer has a basis and there is no room for the friendship to evolve with you. LOL, yes the communication part is tricky particularly when we look at it from the point of view of "I don't think I should be telling you this". I suppose then, as Zintle said in the comments, "What we assume to be general knowledge may not be general knowledge to everyone", so I suppose the best way is to communicate your expectations and gage your friends' reaction or whether or not they will meet the expectations once you have voiced them.

[@Rorisang_Ramakhala]

Hello Mme Damane😀. Thabo recommended your channel to me.I like it😀👍,I watched all of your videos great content especially this video. Here's my opinion,I think people affliate themselves with groups or other people based on where it will position them in society. I'm friends with X,Y and Z based on what they offer me and people don't want the same things,some want money(benefits),some want admiration and unfortunately it's these "EXPECTATIONS" that destroy alot of friendships. The easiest way to be UNHAPPY,is by giving or being with someone because you secretly expect things from them. So yes,communication is key in every friendship one has especially the initial stages and we place friends under certain categories based on what they want from us and what we want from them. Some people are with certain people or some group because they are naturally indecisive,they need an alpha of the herd to make decisions for them. Human beings and zebras have alot in common,there are alot factors that influences the friends we choose Sino,I could go on and on it's just a comment👍.

[@sinovuyodamane]

Hey Rorisang! Thank you for such an insightful comment. I agree to a large extent with your view, I suppose it would be meaningless to form friendships if you do not believe you can gain something from the friendship itself. I must say, however, I believe what you stand to gain from a friendship should be more towards things such as mutual support, love, sharing in interests and values etc. as opposed to the more material things. There are other types of relationships you can pursue with people that fit materialistic gains ie. seeking a business relationship etc, but for the purpose of friendship, I think it might be harmful entering into a friendship with the aim of gaining materialistically. Ultimately, it is different strokes for different folks

[@phililemncube3668]

Hmm. The friendship issue is very complicated lol lena yang’pala 😂 but What would you say is the working criteria that you use to identify who your friends are. Cause literally you be thinking that people are friends because you “feel” and sometimes because you appreciate them in a certain way. Kanti that’s their nature, they are just nice and they don’t regard you as their friend because you don’t meet their personal preferences. and in that situation who has to cut who? if that’s what should happen.

[@sinovuyodamane]

Right? I think it is very important to have your own definition of what a friend is to you and to have people in your life who meet this definition of what a friend is to you. To avoid one-sided friendships, it's also helpful to know the other person's definition of a friend so you can see if your definitions are compatible with each other and you both consider each other as friends. Otherwise it just leaves you in an awkward position where you think someone is your friend just because they're nice

[@zintlemagugula2558]

For me I think that you don't really have to say all your expectations out loud but also you shouldn't expect that everything you think is general knowledge is general to everyone.

[@sinovuyodamane]

Oh yes! That last part is definitely something to keep in mind, "Not everything you think is general knowledge is general knowledge to everyone"👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽