The wedding is off. | Coming Out Again

[@halezii2225]

I wish we could show her the videos she’d be making a year later and how happy she becomes.

[@_thismess]

Ikr i just wanna go back and give her a hug and tell her she is doing the right thing

[@shanenanigans27]

How was this a year ago honestly??

[@InTheSix22]

Literally exactly what I was thinking as I saw the thumbnail

[@Leonicles]

Right?! I've been watching her stuff for the last 3 months and only just came across this. I'm amazed this was only a year ago! Last Year needs to hug This Year! I'm so proud of her!

[@nikkibabyy143]

I hope she has seen this comment again. 💞

[@XannieW]

Ironic that you sold confirmed bisexual merch, I bought said merch, but turns out neither of us are bi. Glad we can both live our truths. Happy pride!

[@margaritakholopova4826]

haha that's funny

[@kaonashi636]

Love this

[@jacobgrossett1926]

Congratulations!!!💕

[@XannieW]

@Skylar Landucci ew gtfoh biphobic weirdo

[@jacobgrossett1926]

@Skylar Landucci actually I'm sure your religion what ever that may be might have taught you that God is the only one that can judge and tbh I have bisexual family members and they are the kindest people I have EVER met, it also helped me to find out that I'm gay soooo....

[@samanthabielz9865]

As a bisexual woman married to a man who came out in part because of being inspired by you, thank you. I do not feel let down, I do not feel disappointed. it is not our fault the society places expectations on us and that there is a trope of bisexuality being used as a stepping stone to being fully gay. You did not lie, you did not deceive us. Discovering sexuality is a journey that looks different for everyone. I still love you just as much today as ever before. I know this was difficult news to share, but I am happy for you.

[@JacklynCunningham]

Samantha Bielz this is the comment I needed- thank you

[@brittanyrose7799]

I feel the same. While I'm a bi girl in a long term relationship with a man, and while I liked 'claiming' you as a highly relatable ""'role model""", I like the idea of supporting you as an individual navigating the tricky terrain of love and attraction a whole lot more. I look forward to WAY MORE GAY CONTENT, PLEASE.

[@sarahbishop6717]

💞

[@izzysnyder5226]

Yes!! It is so hard that with the stereotypes placed on LGBT people you feel a pressure to defy them, even if it's not true to who you are. No single person has to be "good representation", they just have to be themselves.

[@mariepierrenarr7784]

@Black Knight Fool "Gay" has been an umbrella term for the LGBTQ community for decades now, even though I understand that some gay men and people talking about them wish for an exclusive term for themselves. But I think it is a moot discussion at this point, because every day language use has already broadly changed past its exclusive narrow meaning.

[@isabellaaguilar840]

When I first watched this I was upset. Not because she’s gay. Not because the wedding. But because it made me look at my own sexuality and question it. I repressed it so hard, I stopped watching KZbin and stopped watching Alayna. Welp, I’m back. I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. Thanks for helping me get there!

[@katsrkool560]

Congrats!

[@LoreCatan]

Heyy!! Congrats! I'm really happy for you

[@altalia07]

Congrats on finding out!!

[@lkctom2546]

Same but not because of her. I found her after that 😂

[@isabellaaguilar840]

@@lkctom2546 gay fist bump ✌🏽

[@vald3064]

As a bi person, let me say this: I am proud of you and I'm not going anywhere.

[@missknisely]

Another bi, not going anywhere!

[@state924]

[@djpekky]

Bi here, not going anywhere either. Sexuality is super complicated for some of us. Some of us have to go through a labyrinth to figure ourselves out. I hope everything for you works out.

[@mochi_4726]

I'm the thousandth like here hehe ,also bi !!

[@TigerPrawn_]

Another bi, also questioning if I'm a lesbian after watching this, and having been reading about similar stuff recently, not going anywhere :)

[@agallina9]

we didn’t love you because you’re bisexual, we love you because you’re you! we love you no matter what!

[@Tooscared2blink]

Well said! 😊

[@BornaDjavdan]

Exactly! You are an amazing human. And some of us have been watching your videos for many years, and seen the subject matter change with you. But that is life. Change and growth.

[@rad_cat11]

Couldn't have said it any better

[@jordanbalke]

+

[@katiegoodall1215]

I was literally thinking the same

[@annafe9920]

Leaving a loving relationship because your sexuality doesn't align hurts a lot. It takes courage. I hope you and Dallas have love and support.

[@sydeLPS]

@Nora Lally yeah, i don't think that word means what you think it means

[@sydeLPS]

@Nora Lally so she should've stayed with her soon-to-be-husband? no, that would hurt both of them

[@sydeLPS]

@@studionightshade i'm sorry :( that must've really hurt

[@m_j7955]

This is what I'm paranoid about, I love my boyfriend so much and want to marry him but what if I'm not ace and just gay 😰

[@ragamuffin1588]

@Nora LallyYou do not have the right to make judgements on someone else's life decisions. It's nonsensical to stop being a relationship with a person you have no sexual attraction to?

[@mandymckk]

“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath.” Mic drop moment

[@aspasiakrouskas9607]

“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath”. WOW! I. FELT. THAT.

[@kestendavis8753]

Same.

[@skully6223]

As a trans guy who spent 25+ years in gender purgatory, I felt that as well!

[@07Flash11MRC]

@@skully6223 I'm in the same kind of situation, so I totally emphasize with you. Glad you figured it out and hope you can move on from this challenge to live your life to the best 💪

[@kerrir7864]

This.

[@rosiesims3988]

DEE SKULLY I don’t mean this as offensive I’m just quite confused and would love to grow and learn more about the community so if you’re saying your a trans guy does it mean you’re now a guy? Sorry if it’s offensive, I just really want to learn xx

[@quinceyclouds3208]

this makes me really believe that platonic soulmates are a thing

[@PowerToolsnPearls]

Absolutely! I more believe in soul circles. There are people we belong with and who belong with us. That doesn’t mean they are meant to stay in our lives in the same way. This happened with my first love. He’s gay. I will always love him, but as a brother. I love his husband. I feel like I’m an auntie to their boys. We don’t see each other every day. I’m happily married to an amazing man. Nonetheless, we still keep in touch because we still belong in each other’s lives.

[@imsnowedn]

Not so much. Just until a new relationship comes along. Then that person will want and desire the intimacy, and the platonic person will fall away, organically.

[@geebursmcfleeburs2938]

Quincey Clouds Oh weird.. I call that a good friend.

[@stephaniehowe0973]

It is.

[@sourgummyworms8069]

Geeburs McFleeburs Lmao 😂 love this comment

[@scp1234]

“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place” - Holt, B99

[@Jennaros1ty]

This was a perfect quote for here. Thank you.

[@grimicy6235]

My yearbook quote :)

[@goblin7105]

Didnt someone else say that

[@susanmcgregor2735]

Just watching B99 right now. Love that reference.

[@scp1234]

@@goblin7105 ya we posted the same quote in the same hour 😂 great minds think alike lol

[@johnheaslip7025]

I am a heterosexual male. However, I came across your channel because I was trying to help a seriously lovely friend of mine who found herself opening up to me. She is still so reserved and confused. However, she so loved what you have done and what it has done to help her realise that she is gay. Thank you for helping my lovely friend. I hope it is ok to tell you this, Alayna. You are awesome!

[@svevafabris58]

you are an amazing person

[@jessicaj.q.osorio7443]

That's very sweet of you, thank you for doing that

[@annymus4502]

♡ :)

[@MayaMickaMicak]

Wow! I would love to have a partner/friend like you, you are amazing and very respectful. Thank you for showing me that people like you exist

[@raschidmalik464]

you were not born heterosexual. No one is heterosexual. Try it out.

[@annikabergstrom8733]

As a lesbian who identified as bi for upwards of 4 years, this is such an important video to me. Figuring out you don’t like men is such a difficult thing in a society that centers around attraction to men. Thank you for posting this.

[@lilyt18]

Well said.

[@JaclynAlways]

Annika Bergstrom yeah I agree! I am going through this now my mom is very very religious and gets very upset when people talk about my sexuality or my interest in woman

[@dead5848]

I was the same exact way I was bi for a year and dated woman but never even batted an eye that I could be a lesbian cause that was so weird in society

[@pallas1279]

@Miss O’Genist she only means realizing she isnt attracted to men

[@kelliesmith2412]

“I felt like I was suffocating”. This is more relatable to anything you have said about you being bisexual. WE SUPPORT YOU. Sexuality is a spectrum and at least I understand why you suppressed it. And it’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. We love you.

[@ivylynnwinchester9311]

Your comment isn't even toward me yet still I feel comfort by reading it. Lovely thing to say

[@kelliesmith2412]

Ivy Bell I am glad you can feel comforted. This video made me feel comfortable about my bisexuality and knowing that it’s ok to doubt. It’s ok.

[@ivylynnwinchester9311]

@@kelliesmith2412 💓💕 Absolutely. I'm happy you feel positive and peaceful about yourself 💓💕

[@kelliesmith2412]

Ivy Bell only took 25 years ❤️ I hope everyone gets a sense of peace from her videos like I do

[@ivylynnwinchester9311]

@@kelliesmith2412 I definitely do 😌

[@assignedcatatbirth]

at least you realized while you're still young and not married. my mom didn't realize she was gay until after she had 2 kids and married 2 different men. she's happy now at least and has a girlfriend. I hope you will be happy someday soon as well

[@bluecannibaleyes]

She’s not exactly gay if it took having 2 kids with 2 different men to start disliking men. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@abbswigley5407]

bluecannibaleyes you do realize... a lot of the older LGBT community were raised in a time where they couldn’t come out? So they were forced into trying to live society’s standards of a normal lifestyle?

[@bluecannibaleyes]

@wtfyoudoing People in this country have not been forced to marry or have kids anytime in recent history. These are major life events that have a string of conscious choices leading up to them. I don’t understand how someone can sleep with multiple guys multiple times and be unaware that they didn’t like it. Did it ever occur to you that our modern society’s standards that celebrate alternative sexualities and encourage people to ‘experiment’ might be influencing people to shy away from being a boring ol’ heterosexual? Being gay is practically a bragging right nowadays.

[@lightningbug3189]

@@bluecannibaleyes Some people who were not raised to believe homosexuality is an option rationalize their experiences. It is easy enough to say "I must just not really enjoy sex like other people seem to" rather than accept being gay.

[@MsVladica]

@@bluecannibaleyes totally not true. Some people dont want to have sex but have sex because it is something that is expected. A person cant know they are gay if they are not aware of their own feelings. Stop trying to pin people into ur own feeling just because you cant understand why they do things. So you justify it into something you believe. I dislike ppl like you, who try to tell others it must be how u say because you said it. Sometimes people just dont know who they are, period.

[@rinwatson2057]

People undervalue platonic relationships. I'm glad to hear your relationship with Dallas, while changed, is still full of as much love as it was pre-realisation :) I hope you're doing well. I'm sure this was a very difficult thing to go through, and I know what a realisation like that can shift within you xXx

[@maxnathansen9091]

I want to give Dallas a lot of respect for accepting her and giving her respect to explorer that side of her

[@wlev123]

I'll be honest I find the double standard slightly hilarious, "your bisexual so go have relationships with woman to explore that side of yourself". But not with guys, why because he was one, like did he not realize that the likely hood of this happening even if she wasn't lesbian was large. And based on what she said he looks like an even bigger Pleeb cause clearly she had a much larger physical interest and attraction in women. I have no problem with her realizing her homosexuality and ending things i think he looks like a fool though.

[@skwanchisanchi878]

@@wlev123 if he didn't let her explore then she might not have known she was gay till much later. he was trying to help her understand who she was, and she did find out. she was already having a relationship with a dude so why explore with another guy? i don't really understand what your saying. they felt their relationship was strong enough for her to experiment.

[@katyscarlett157]

Monogamy is a choice. People in relationships can design them however they choose to, regardless of any standard that society may set. Her boyfriend showed her the ultimate act of love and respect by supporting her growth. He also showed a lot of maturity and security within himself. It's comforting to know people like that exist in the world.

[@michiebutterfly7785]

Lephiz but it’s not. Maybe in your bubble (not saying that cruely, just meaning your family friends) it’s not something that comes up, but this is actually more common than you think.

[@goodysmarts]

​@@skwanchisanchi878 Dallas only allowed her to explore her bisexuality because somewhere in his mind he saw three way sex on the horizon. I as a man understand his logic behind the whole relationship.

[@jgfrizzle]

“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.” You don’t know till you know, ya know. Thanks for sharing this scary thing with us. I am proud of you. Life’s a journey. Here’s to things staying interesting!

[@madisyn1003]

THIS is why we need representation when we’re kids and why being gay shouldn’t be treated as taboo! Comphet is literally so hard to deal w and i’m happy you finally know yourself and are comfortable enough to share w us🤍

[@rooqbranwen8305]

Agreed. This "confronting kids with gay stuff will make them gay" idiotism did, does and will do a lot of damage to people.

[@Coolblog2010]

The thing is, even nowadays, since we get a lot more representation, teens are still afraid to come out, even if they know their parents could and will accept them. It's mostly because it's not common in the population and anything different is a lot to handle for people.

[@estherisnotcool]

Ola Elo yeah :) I’m gay and I was terrified to come out even though my mum is very accepting

[@Coolblog2010]

@@estherisnotcool That must've been hard.. but im glad you did it :)

[@estherisnotcool]

Ola Elo thank you so much ! I’m glad I did too

[@zainhartono7193]

Sorta reminds me of Freddie Mercury’s relationship with Mary Austin. Your relationship with Dallas transcends sexuality.

[@qiranavi]

you took the words right from my head. so beautiful :(

[@shockingheaven]

I was thinking the same thing

[@aylenarizaga3537]

Did he have a girlfriend? I thought he only dated men

[@shockingheaven]

Aylén Arizaga He did. He loved so much he became the godfather of one of her children, left her a lot of money after he died and she’s the one who knows where his ashes are. So no biggie.

[@Chikorita2Chante]

He's bi, though...???

[@aidan-mrtl]

"as it turns out" im sorry i can't stop laughing this woman's ability to make light of any situation

[@abnormalsaniaa]

I can’t imagine how terrifying this was to make or to go through but you’re strong and we love you! We still accept you no matter what

[@kimzastrow1268]

Maybe it was better not to have a wedding then get married and think certain things could have been worked out....and end up getting divorced anyways....think of all the relationships you have been in and it ended...exactly pretty easy right....

[@saggguy7]

As a Real Life Confirmed Bisexual who’s been watching your bi content for years, I’m not at all upset about any of this. I don’t watch you because of your bisexuality, I watch you because of how comfortable you always seemed being the truest version of yourself that you were aware of. So now that you’re aware of a truer version of you, I’d damn well hope you lived consistently with it! That’s been the message I’ve taken from your channel all along. Sending love, I hope both of you are taking care of yourself, and if you happen to speak to Dallas you can send him some love from me as well.

[@melima_]

Couldn't have said it better! Much love 💞

[@Stufunabu]

I'm sitting here crying with you Alayna, because when I watched this video for the first time, it stirred up something deep inside of me. I tried to battle it as hard as I could but now, nine months later, I finally broke up with my wonderful male partner of three years because I simply cannot be with a man, and it's your coming out video that helped me make sense of what I was feeling. So thank you.

[@dafnebeniz]

"It was like being into men was just a given" THIS!!!!!!! Alayna I've been following you for years, I think I've probably subscribed to you when I had just come out as bi and I watched your vid also coming out as bi... and now I'm literally going through the SAME thing as you: realizing that no I'm not bi, I'm actually just gay 😂. I relate so much to what you just said you have no idea. Growing up I also had crushes on boys and I always thought that I couldn't be fully gay because of that but the more I allow myself to crush on women and date them and imagine a life with them I realize that I just can't picture myself doing that with a guy ever (meaning that I've probably just liked those guys because of compulsory heterosexuality). Alayna your videos have always been there for me and I'm so thankful that you share your life with us so we'd feel less alone. I wish you the best and I promise I'll always be here to support your channel, I love you girl 💕

[@maipetrvcci]

exactly... happening the same to me; we all gonna be okay, as said sexuality is a spectrum and it's fine to take our time to understand where we feel we fit the best

[@gemjule]

This is so interesting we're all having this experience at the same time...

[@embroideredatlas4288]

I had a very similar experience... Right now bisexual homoromantic or even heteroflexible homoromantic are feeling most accurate for me (though queer is definitely my go-to because those are a mouthful!). I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by, so I had these crushes on guys once in a while but just never wanted to actually date them-I consciously thought for each of them, even the most long-term and intense crushes, that I wouldn't say yes even if they randomly asked me out and that I really just wanted to be friends! I thought that was typical heterosexuality and that I just had commitment issues or something, even though that didn't fit with my personality at all. And then one girl seemed like she could have been expressing romantic interest in me and I was immediately giddy at the thought and when we started dating (though we've broken up now) I wanted to be with her long-term in like two seconds. Compulsory heterosexuality is quite the drug! I'm so glad that I found KZbinrs like Alayna and Ash Hardell or I might have thought I was 100% straight for even longer. Wishing all of us figuring out this confusing mess that is sexuality luck. 💗

[@TigerPrawn_]

@@gemjule Right?! I've read so many comments on this video all saying the same! Haha ♥

[@TigerPrawn_]

@@embroideredatlas4288"I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by" THIS THIS THIS. THis x100, I never had the words to describe this feeling. ♥

[@bsprings11]

Alayna this is something that you need to hear from my heart to yours: You keep saying that what you had on this channel was a lie and felt like a lie because of what you knew or were trying to figure out about yourself. But I'm here to tell you it wasn't a lie. It wasn't a lie because that's the truth you could give at the time and one you might have been wishing was the truth, and you don't have to apologize for that. Your truth and words at that time has helped millions of people and touched the lives of so many. Regardless, your compassion and vulnerability you have shared over the years on this channel has helped me tremendously and so many others in ways I can't articulate in a youtube comment. I've been here since that first coming out video, and you helped me accept myself for who I am, and strangely enough just as you make this video I have recently begun to question myself in similar ways you have even though I have been identifying as bi for about 5 years now too. (lmfao crazy how that works huh?) I know how difficult it can be to leave a person you've been through so much of life with and how it feels scary and foreign and learning how to be alone again is weird. But I can also tell you that in this past year of learning how to navigate my own life and being my own person again has given me the space to grow into someone I didn't know was inside of me. Don't apologize for your story. You would never tell anyone else to, so be kind to yourself the way you would be to me or anyone else here in this amazing community you have built. I am proud of you. I am proud of Dallas. I am sending you both so much love and energy during this time, and I know you will both come out of this as strong and better people. We love you and are here for you no matter what.

[@racheec2398]

Great mssg 🌻

[@neversayneverpurple1]

the love behind this comment is something so needed these days and it made me cry. I fully agree with what you have said Bianca, I know your journey will lead you to a place of happiness and say to you Alayna

[@christy2745]

I hope she sees this!

[@bsprings11]

@@neversayneverpurple1 thank you so much for your sincere and kind words and i hope they were happy tears!

[@hannahhoffman4483]

When you said that "it was like being into men was just a given" I felt so seen. I have been struggling for so long to come to grips with my own sexuality and I came out as bi, but I have started to realize that just isn't true, so thank you for sharing this, thank you so much.

[@mj-yo7vt]

Hannah Hoffman hope everything is okay!

[@alyssa6156]

"no bitch! you're not demiromantic, you're gay!" oof i feel that...not to invalidate aromanticism or asexuality, but i went through something similar in high school where i was convinced that i was both aromantic and asexual. I just couldn't imagine myself with anyone and sexual attraction didn't make sense to me. And maybe being young was also a factor here. I never had a typical pubescent "sexual awakening" and I think that's because I just understood the world through a straight lens. And I wasn't interested in that, so asexual and aromantic were labels that I felt really "got" me. Idk what changed (I got older??) but in college I suddenly realized "hmm girls exist" and suddenly that sexual awakening happened and i was like "oh shit! i'm just gay!" So in that sense I relate to what you're going through rn. Internalised homophobia and heteronormativity are really shitty :|

[@fionakriner5848]

I think this might end up being my story too.

[@porque6835]

What the hell this is the exact same thing that happened to me!

[@irnbrucake]

Same 🙌

[@BigBlockChoc1]

Ощ

[@justanotherweirdo11]

I thought really hard on that first quote for a few seconds. I can't relate, I am in fact bi and demiromantic.

[@iwillcry]

I hope no one starts talking FOR Dallas here, he’s a grown ass man, they talked, they were very open about their relationship. No one should shame either side in this scenario.

[@frostfang1]

To paraphrase the mom scene in Love Simon: "But these last few years, more and more, its almost like I could feel you holding your breath...you are still you...but you get to exhale now, you get to be more you, than you've been in a very long time. You deserve everything you want"

[@olivialesbian1578]

I don’t even think that’s a paraphrase I’m pretty sure that’s verbatim

[@frostfang1]

@@olivialesbian1578 eh I went to the video, and wrote it out but took out the simon specific parts. The "you get to exhale now, simon" just blew me away and I burst into tears the first time I heard it. And Alayna saying she could breath again now...well it reminded me of that.

[@emmaahmed777]

this is exactly what i thought of

[@marissa3896]

Does everyone else have a flash back to their coming out and immediately start sobbing when this scene plays?

[@Mike55690]

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must of been for you to record, let alone build up the courage to talk about. Been a fan for almost a decade now (7 years at least) and i've said it many times before but there is very little you can do for me to not be a fan. Your mental health videos have helped me immensely and regardless of anything that happens i genuinely wish you nothing but the best and that you find solace, answers, comfort, anything that can help you along your journey ! Wishing you nothing but the best, for Dallas as well, i loved his interactions and he too deserves the world, like yourself. You got this Alayna : )

[@AmandaShawxo]

You said "and I'll lose some of you here" and that line just made me feel the opposite. It made me say "I want to support this girl". I hope you feel proud of who you are.

[@alanaban1840]

You are mix up / that is you truth self as u saying/ it is your choice

[@kayc7298]

It really sucks when things are just sad for everyone and there’s no one to blame. I feel really bad for you for having to suppress feelings and getting anxiety from struggling with this. I feel bad for Dallas for any guilt he may be feeling about having a relationship for this long when you were gay the whole time. Of course you guys weren’t stuck together, because you chose this and if either of you were unhappy with each other as people, you would have ended it but you are just two genuinely very good people, and good together. You both still have your whole life ahead of you, you can live authentically now.

[@kayc7298]

BelleBee that’s a very good point, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in writing that all out. I was referring to a specific person to blame or something like that. It’s just the unfairness of an absurd world that brought two wonderful people people together at the right time, only for them to not be able to share the same type of love. Comp-het didn’t make it Dallas who was the other victim in this, but we are very sad it is Dallas because he deserves to be happy as well.

[@clarinamascarenhas7499]

“You can’t be gay because you’ve always dated men” wow I felt that

[@lone6718]

Clarina Mascarenhas I have a friend who knew she always wanted to marry a man and have a family, but she couldn’t deny that she also loved women. She has a husband that is okay with her needing love from a women, and he is the only man for her (she loves him so much). They have a great relationship. It’s other people who simply sit and observe the relationships of others that complicate things far more than they are or need to be.

[@clarinamascarenhas7499]

@@lone6718 I guess it depends on the individual in that case, and whether they and their partner would feel comfortable with that situation.

[@clarinamascarenhas7499]

@Ari Arredondo I don't know what to say to this.

[@clarinamascarenhas7499]

@Ari Arredondo its so sad.

[@aimeejpalmer996]

Ari Arredondo I’ve been in relationships with boys and I always realise the relationship I had with the only girl I was with like felt stronger or more like attractive to me it’s so hard to explain but it felt more loveable even tho all my relationships have been great. I think about her constantly and wish I never ended it due to fear of my family’s thoughts but at the end of the day that was then and now is now. It’s so sad what happened but as long as your open to your partner and tell him how devastated you are she passed. Even if you just explain it in a platonic way and like dance around the truth it can be nearly as the same as telling him the whole truth. Hope everything gets easier sending love your way❤️

[@CharlotteKatora]

“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realise I was holding my breath.” Wow. This bit really hit hard. Wishing you all the happiness and love

[@jademonet5546]

If she made this a shirt/hoodie I'd buy it

[@jordanericson7834]

"I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn't realize I was holding my breath" - Wow, that resonated with me. I've never seen your videos before but I'm so glad this one popped up in my feed.

[@Amorfis]

Compulsory Heterosexuality is one hell of a drug. In all seriousness Alayna, your videos helped me on my coming out journey and I'll always be so grateful for that. I'm so happy that you are ready to express who you are, I cant imagine how scary this would have been for you. 💕💕

[@aylasfightclub8079]

Man looks like she needs to throw another goodbye party to bisexuality hello homosexuality

[@anaa9245]

Olinoil Wolfyheart this needs more likes

[@shanenanigans27]

I guess when she said "hello homosexuality" in that video, it was a Freudian slip.

[@avatarlhamo3063]

This is the vidéo KZbin suggested me right after this one, it hurted me a bit

[@lilylovedchild]

Yes please lol! This should be a celebration! She is figuring out her identity and she deserves all the happiness ☺️

[@peeblespebbles5689]

A Bye-sexuality party? ...okay I'll leave.

[@mariacau]

I also wanna say: Dallas is the most acepting straight man I ever heard about. He is such a loving and caring person. I am glad you guys still love each other.

[@ginandromeda1618]

Reminds of Evan from Atypical

[@ghostsheet777]

@@ginandromeda1618 Evan from atypical is a fricken MAN I love him sm

[@LL-wu5ui]

This is just weird. Letting your partner cheat on you is... lmao

[@taleef1760]

LL she wasn’t cheating on him. He encouraged her to explore her sexuality. I’m not sure what labels or terms they used but it sounds like an open relationship or polyamory. As long as everyone in the relationship is open and honest. He wanted her to be happy and he knew it would make her happy.

[@mars7612]

So, he's only accepting for a "straight man"? Why did you have to mention his sexual orientation or gender when mentioning that he's an accepting person?

[@stacylindsey9238]

My story is so similar to yours. 14 years and two kids later, my (now ex) husband asks “is it possible your a lesbian?” and just like you, something clicked and I couldn’t unsee it. We were split a month later. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

[@teddiemack8071]

This just sounds ridiculous.

[@Cecilalalala]

I'm bi and when I was coming to terms with my sexuality I watched a lot of videos yours included. You helped me so much to feel validation in myself, self worth, and understanding of my sexuality and eventouh it turns out you're actually gay all of the work you've done for the bi community is still valid and I thank you for that.

[@ShekelLeija4]

Cecilalalala This comment should be pinned. Same here, I appreciate everything she's done for us 💜

[@avatarlhamo3063]

Same for me. But suddenly I'm also afraid to be in the same case, bi shakes easily when famous/inspiring bi people turn to be gay or straight because it make them (me) hear more strongly this little society voice who screams BISEXUALITY DOESN'T EXIST YOU PIECE OF CRAP I'm both sad and very happy for our girl but in the same time I'm not in a good place rn...

[@b-ridge1589]

@@avatarlhamo3063 relate to that fear

[@marissawhite8140]

Yes, exactly. thank you Alayna, you have helped me to be more accepting of my Bi sexuality and I am glad that you understand yourself better now. I wish you all the love and luck as you move forward knowing who you are 💜💜💜

[@avatarlhamo3063]

Marissa White you're in the wrong thread my friend you're in the comment of someone else

[@Bluesmiless]

Oh honey, here is the thing, we love who you are, not your sexual orientation.

[@mackenzieraynor1170]

everyone who thinks sexuality is a choice rather than just who you are should watch this and realize how little choice we have over our sexuality and how many of us are terrified and confused by it. how could we be confused if we’re “choosing it”

[@lemonpeel1410]

You’re so pretty !!😍 & yes I completely agree!

[@arianang8243]

Hi! I just would like to offer a different perspective on this by pointing this really great video if you have time!: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJu7Xn54hdKanZY. #lovewins

[@mackenzieraynor1170]

Ariana Ng I can see this perspective and obviously everyone’s experience is different. but my sexuality isn’t a choice and I always have been gay even when I didn’t want to be. yes it is fluid and some people change over the years. I guess I was more dramatic than I should’ve been. my argument is basically that sexuality isn’t a choice.

[@mackenzieraynor1170]

Twenty twenty A aww thank you so much!!!

[@laurathompson8500]

I find it offensive when girls say they “ choose “ they’re sexuality . I hated being gay as a young woman .

[@thewitchylibrarian_6710]

Oof. Here as a 27 year old, recently split from my husband as of a week ago because I thought I was pan and he suggested I see other people. Fast forward, I'm gay and have a girlfriend and he and I are co-existing as friends. Sending so much love to you and it's wild to see me essentially looking into a mirror.

[@loner844]

just imagine, this self-realisation likely wouldn't have happened if not for lockdown. imagine if you'd gone on not knowing…

[@michaelc.5809]

I can only imagine how much harder this would've been for her if she'd gotten married, started a family, and only then realized that she was gay

[@nanaimogirl2000]

I've had some realisations myself

[@reneebear3641]

Colleen Jay Good luck with life, man.

[@nanaimogirl2000]

@@reneebear3641 you too

[@caitigrove3548]

@@michaelc.5809 who was she going to marry?

[@nikkid5875]

Heteronormativity is no joke. My straight family and friends don't believe it exists but I generally thought I was broken because I didn't like guys. My friends used to say that I just hadn't met the right guy yet. Being gay wasn't even considered.

[@lilylovedchild]

Nikki D Same 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@peytonmyers4215]

I haven't watched all the way through yet, but I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it'll be okay. I'm here to support you no matter what. Whether that's a break or rants or what ever else you need. I love you (and Dallas). You're strong and you will get through this. ❤️

[@grbrown09]

PREACH! Every word!

[@racheec2398]

Same!

[@cloeskye7196]

i can really relate to you saying you "never questioned liking boys because it was the given" but when you started being with women you understood what its suppose to feel like . i thought i was bisexual in middle school but now im realizing im a lesbian and this video makes me feel valid, thank you

[@riverofperil]

I couldn’t imagine having to face this, especially since you obviously care about Dallas.

[@kng4760]

"oh we are all so small, and it doesn't matter, none of this matters- oh my god I'm having a crisis." ....this is an important video but GOD did I feel this akdjsk

[@ThatGirlShelbyy]

I thought this was gonna be a click bait for “covid-19 delaying the wedding” or something like that... and now I’m sitting here shocked. I’m sad for you and Dallas, but I’m happy for you, that you’re being true to yourself ❤️ and we will be here no matter what

[@marketawilezinska8817]

That's what I thought too! I'm still shocked but I'm happy for her. I had to take a break and bake (it helps me fight anxiety). I'm glad she realised that now and that she's on her journey to be true to herself too :)

[@lavender_evie]

Wish clickbait was less of a thing

[@JacklynCunningham]

Honestly really shook by this video But happy she had the strength

[@denisalvarez7354]

I literally always just sit there and think about my sexuality for agess...Sexuality is weird af..I like guys,I like girls but my feelings for both are so different..

[@miabermudez1756]

Shit same. I’m sitting here watching this. I have a huge crush on this girl. But I still flirt with men? It’s like I don’t know another way. But like I always say I’m bi. But I’ve never experience sexual pleasure with men. I’ve only had one real gf and honestly the emotions were just... way stronger but I’m always so confused. Hoping I’ll find the person who will just HELP ME KNOW what I am. Sexuality is the longest con because you never know you were faking something until you find out what is actually REAL.

[@lisab45]

Mia Bermudez, you sound like a lesbian dealing with comphet. Ultimately, your label doesn’t matter that much and nothing dramatic will happen if you use the “wrong” label (if there’s even such thing, I mean in the end you’re the one who defines YOUR labels). But if you’re interested in finding out more, Google “Am I a lesbian masterlist” ;)

[@layton6202]

Damn seems like more and more people are just so confused nowadays....... Well sucks to be you

[@alexlesbean8739]

@@layton6202 why do you think? Being told you can’t be yourself because of what a scripture says… fearing of getting sent to a conversion therapy

[@layton6202]

@@alexlesbean8739 don't know about all that but what I do know is there is no such thing as bisexual, never met one that stayed that way cuz bisexual is just another term for fence sitting until they decide what their preference is and I understand lesbians cuz lesbians are women with extra emotion cuz women are more sensitive and emotionally charged then men are, so a lesbian is someone who has ever higher sensitivity and even more emotionally charged than you're average woman and men can't keep up with that so naturally they turn to other women who are more emotionally mature but somehow they never end up lasting....plus there are more women then men in the world so it makes sense.........

[@megtetz]

I thought this was going to be an announcement with a clickbaity title about the wedding being cancelled because of COVID. I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough transition. Speak your truth and love & light will be coming your way 💖

[@Linznicole6]

Meghan Tetzloff same. In the beginning I was waiting for the let up and joking and then I was like oh wow. 💜💜

[@megtetz]

I left this comment two years ago. Guess who just came out again as lesbian and not bisexual. I think I was telling myself this as well

[@EricaGamet]

Look up "compulsory heterosexuality." I originally came out as gay in my early 20s (I'm 52 now). Or tried to. Then comp-het kicked in and I had this wonderful guy friend who I just clicked with. Oh! I must be straight after all! We got married and were for 14 years. He decided at some point he just didn't want to be married and we split. And that freedom gave me time to realize that, no, I'm 100% gay. But he's the only person I've ever truly loved. But love doesn't have to equal romance or sexual attraction. I have a very deep connection (love) with my best friend... and there is no romance there. But comp-het, society, said, "Honey, that's love and you should be attracted to this man." I like to give my best friend (we've been friends for 34 years) a hard time... like instead of just assuming I was straight but, like you, I had compartmentalized that gay part of my life... she should have said, "No, dude. You're totally gay." Haha! A lot of women feel they're bi because of this (I'm NOT saying bi/pan isn't a thing because I know too many bi/pan folk to think otherwise and if someone says they're bi or pan, they know themselves best)... I just think a lot of people might identify that way as they're trying to figure things out... or it's easier to deal with society. So if you know you're not bi, but thought you were before, that's 100% valid. I mean, I actually thought I was straight for a good chunk of my life! 😂 Knowing yourself and being true to yourself is often a hard road, but it's so worth it!! Good for you!!

[@catherineharding4009]

Erica Gamet. ContraPoints made a coming out video where she talked about this.

[@rebe6132]

there's a realy great lesbian master doc arround thr internet that talks about compulsory heterosexuality, I think it saved me!! fellow confused wlw, look it up!!

[@sjcross8]

This is a fantastic story. Thank you for sharing

[@ericagreene1579]

+

[@EricaGamet]

@@rebe6132 Yes, on Reddit's "Late Blooming Lesbians" subreddit. I had already been on this journey and stumbled on it. It helped with the whole "but I also had crushes on guys" thing. I used to feel pressure if I thought a guy was cute to suddenly feel something more. And I'd think, "Oh, I guess I could see myself with him." Without ever really feeling it. Now I'm so relieved when I see a guy that I think, "Wow...he's really handsome" and that's it. I was confused by that, but my best friend said, "Now you understand what I mean when I say I have a girl crush. They are beautiful, smart, funny, whatever... but I don't want to sleep with them." Talk about an a-ha moment!

[@livbrooks4194]

Man this hits hard. Redoing your coming out is so, so hard. I did it too. I’m still doing it. Alayna, we love you so much. And we support you no matter what. We love you for you. Nothing can change that.

[@dutchik5107]

It's like. The first time in an accepting place is the easiest. Then people are "ok. You are apparently this." Then later they think you know know. And it changes

[@plut0_plut0nium]

What you said about the confirmed bisexual merch really hit home. I always thought I was bi because yes, I knew I liked women, but only recently I started to question if I really liked men. The thought had never crossed my mind that I didn’t like men because I sort of took that as a given my whole life. I’m so proud of you for figuring this out and I hope you know that we support you!

[@becasaurusbex8204]

Damn sexuality is complicated. I hate when people think it's black and white. Sending love and support to both of you.

[@laurathompson8500]

I think it is for some women . I’ve know all my life I’m gay . I think there are just loads of bi women and they shouldn’t attach the lesbian label

[@becasaurusbex8204]

@@laurathompson8500 I agree. I just don't like it when people assume it's simple for everyone.

[@laurathompson8500]

Becky Owen 😊

[@AnnaHMariucci]

What I really want to know: Is "I Don't Bi it" going to become "Lezbe honest"?

[@olivialesbian1578]

I thoroughly hope so

[@isabelahidalgo2632]

Hilarious

[@benjireil4243]

- hey that two genders shit was really off topic, did you just need to rant about? like im nonbinary and I completely disagree, but i’m just confused about where it came from?

[@AnnaHMariucci]

Benji Reil right? I did try to educate tem on how gender is a social construct and not a binary/biological thing. I asked the same thing, if they were ok, cause it was really out of nowhere.

[@username-zh1gr]

😂😂

[@bluebird0802]

................ this really be giving me, a “”confirmed bisexual,”” a bit of a Think™️

[@yasminemwo3380]

Same. I’m think about my title too.

[@mafeandres9784]

Same, same.

[@amy949]

I thought I was demi as well as bisexual, I may be rethinking this all too. But it makes sense

[@kieratrewways8288]

Terribleness isn’t it

[@Bob5445484864848sdfs]

God I could never have the balls to put my life out to everyone like this holy shit

[@raisingraesoffaith3968]

Its flipping AMAZING

[@katelovespizza]

ikr like damn!!!

[@katelovespizza]

Miss O’Genist hole intro 😍

[@catarinaroberto1409]

@Miss O’Genist yeah, sure, because everyone loves the feeling of feeling vurnerable aand having toons of haters... like wtf

[@catarinaroberto1409]

@Miss O’Genist it isnt an "just an act", you only say that because you dont know what she is going thru and how hard it is to deal with what she had to deal with. and even if it was just an act it would still be a hell of a great thing to do, because she inspires others to be honest with themselves and with the others. sexualty isnt an easy thing to figure out, and it is a horrible experience to feel the confusion that she felt.

[@Breerox108]

Alayna having an existential crisis triggered by a landscaper is very relatable. In all seriousness, this is such a difficult thing to go through but I promise it is so necessary for your happiness going forward. We love you here no matter what, and take all the time you need to figure this new chapter of your life out!

[@tiredandcaffeinated]

I'm so happy that Dallas is still there for you through everything. You guys truly have an amazing bond. I wish nothing but the best for you, Alayna, and I am very supportive of your decision to come to terms with who you are.

[@Pixxeluv86]

"I was activity participating in heterosexuality" That hit me like a wave of oceans cause same sis, same! It took me a marriage, a baby boy & a divorce later to realize my sexuality! #ComfirmedBisexual 💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗 Sending you love & light on your journey of gayxpolration, hun! 💋

[@shannonmoran4468]

Thank you for making this video. I thought I was bi for 6 years, I realized I wasn't attracted to men, I needed men to be attracted me. This made me feel seen and validated. Thank you. Tiktok also made me gay and introduced me to my girlfriend.

[@j86485]

Ugh I hate how some of you bi girls that turned into a lesbian use men to boost your ego. Don't you feel guilty using men like that?

[@madhavi.tinsley]

I feel like this is me but I just don't understand it. This journey is so painful.

[@chocolatecoatedllama]

I recently realised that I'm a lesbian after thinking I was bi for 5 years and this video is very very relatable. I never dated men but never questioned my attraction to them until the past 6 months and now it all seems really obvious and I can't unsee it. I've been really active in bi meetups and support groups and even met most of my friends through that. Now I'm going through the process of telling people that I'm actually gay and it's really nice to see someone else who has a similar experience. Wish you nothing but love and support xxxx

[@jdogjcat100]

“like a fog has been lifted, like i can finally breathe, when for years i didn’t know i was holding my breath.” as a lesbian, i’ve also been there. my deep rooted internalised homophobia kept me from accepting myself long after i came out as gay, which isn’t very typical, but it was also something i wasn’t aware that i was holding myself back from. i am so proud of you and i can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you to deal with for so many years. wishing you the best

[@TheUnbeatable93]

That was extremely brave. After the years you've been in this relationship; to be honest with yourself; to be honest with Dallas. I am amazed at how strong you are. The two of you, really. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your life. Your truth. You are an amazing person. All the love to you and your loved ones.

[@Piecesoftheshadow]

I've always felt more physically attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to woman. It can be confusing and make me feel weirdly guilty sometimes. Sometimes I'm into men more and sometimes I'm into women more and it depends on the type of person they are.

[@randomperson346]

That’s normal! Sexuality is complicated and a spectrum, a lot of people experience what your going through and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for this. Don’t worry about putting a label on anything, with time you do figure stuff out and if you want to label yourself as bi, pan, gay, anything that’s ok, but if not that’s ok too. Don’t put pressure on yourself love, questioning this kind of stuff is completely normal ❤️

[@erikalynn9004]

Ugh, thank you! I am exactly the same!

[@letterstoyou6737]

Facts 👏

[@_delfinameza]

i have the opposite experience, being emotionally and romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women (usually only girls online - never ones i know personally...yet). i’m a bit relieved to know someone else experiences this. sending you all love 💖💖💖

[@randomperson346]

Delfina Meza I feel the thing about only being attracted to girls online rather than irl. There’s always this whole lesbian narrative of falling in love with your straight best friend but I’ve never seen one of my friends in a romantic/sexual way which is why it took me a while to figure out that I actually was gay

[@sayswice5621]

I am also gay, as it turns out 🤷🏻‍♀️ here’s to self discovery in your late 20’s ❤️

[@grbrown09]

I didn't come out to myself until 30!

[@recklessroges]

@@grbrown09 I came out for the fist time at 41 (am I'm the dustiest here?)

[@racheec2398]

@@recklessroges - think I've got you beat lol Great courage to come out to self, much less the world Alayna xo I was bisexual & married for 17 + years- guess it's time to start properly dating my preferred gender now ♀️

[@Popopatop]

[@sayswice5621]

grbrown09 I’m out to myself, not the world 😮 30 sounds like a nice round number to do that 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

[@jennifersitha09]

Alayna, most likely this comment will be lost but I feel the need to do so. You are one of the best in this platform. As a bisexual, you gave us representation and we have loved every part of it. You effort and the love you deposited into it is real and that is what matters. We love you.

[@FatAssAdventures]

This gives me anxiety like what if this is Me? Im really sad because I don't know many bisexuals and now she's saying otherwise :( so like who can I relate to

[@jennifersitha09]

@@FatAssAdventures, be patient and honest with your feelings. That is the truest representation you will find.

[@FatAssAdventures]

@@jennifersitha09 I don't know if this biphobia but this makes me sad because I've heard people say bisexuals are confused or just realize otherwise. I've recently confirmed I'm bisexual like I've known it but never really expressed it to myself. many thoughts came to my mind like what if I'm not what if I'm wrong and this sort of situation happens to me. I get so anxious when I over analyze my feelings. I even thought what if I'm wrong and im long in a relationship. There isn't much bisexual KZbin'rs who I can look for. I don't have many friends either who are part of the LGBTQ community :(

[@annawangensteen1827]

@@FatAssAdventures maybe Melanie Murphy? Im sending loads of love by the way 💜 I know it's scary to feel like you're the only one, but you truly are not. There are sooo many amazing bisexual people out There. Have you checked out Melanie Murphy and Bisexual Real Talk?

[@Katie-uk5rg]

Yvette Davila I understand the feeling of not having people that you can relate to or feeling like you’re just going through a phase. However, this video is not implying that bisexuality is just a phase to becoming gay. Bisexuals are real and valid, but many gay people identify as bi at first because we are taught that heterosexuality is inherent or implied. This is especially true for women because we grow up thinking that we need to revolve our lives around men. Sorry I know this message is long but I just want to let you know that you are valid no matter what you identify as and it is perfectly okay to change that identity as you get older and realize more about yourself. I wish you all the best! 💗🏳️‍🌈

[@coffeeandtear4945]

Alana, this is hard and this is such a difficult situation, but I'm really proud of you and happy that you're continuing your journey of self discovery. I wish you all the best as you move forward

[@sera4821]

Thank you for being brave enough to be so unflinchingly honest. Your story helps. It took me 13 years and 3 kids to finally accept that I wasn’t bisexual. I too had the loveliest, most supportive man that I didn’t want to lose but I had to set him free. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him and there was no attraction.

[@D3GRASS1TNG]

Compulsory heterosexuality is one hell of a beast. I'm glad you're able to realize what you really want now. Wishing you love 💕and we're not going anywhere

[@kaylutz5824]

I read this and audibly gasped

[@kaylutz5824]

I also just have been coming to this conclusion after thinking I was bisexual for the last 10 years and I appreciate having you come out and telling us

[@giopyui]

I literally got fucking chills

[@houloa554]

Legit said omg out loud when I saw this. At first, I thought it was clickbait. But wow I was so wrong. Bless her for being so strong and honest with herself and everyone around her!!!

[@KelRocks01]

hou loa initially I thought it was click bate too but then I remembered she was going through something and I knew it had to be true but I was also confused with the coming out again thing I was genuinely shocked I did not see it coming

[@melinav4334]

At least you realized before the wedding. I endured a 10 year marriage before I couldn’t take it anymore.

[@tiaminardi4914]

I'm right there with you.. made it to year 11..

[@jimmadden6406]

thank you for wAiSTING 10 YEARS OF THAT POOR MANS LIFE i bet u really hurt him as well i hope that u will someday be remorsfull for what you have done to him

[@jimmadden6406]

@@tiaminardi4914 PLEASE READ MY REPLY TO MELINDAV IT APPLIES TO U AS WELL

[@tiaminardi4914]

@@jimmadden6406 Jim, you're obviously from an old narrow minded generation. God bless you and good luck with being so full of anger and hate 🙏

[@jimmadden6406]

@@tiaminardi4914 NO THAT HAPPENED TO ME AND AT TIMES THERE IS STILL A PAINFUL SPOT IN MY LIFE YES SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT THE WAISTED YEARS IN MY LIFE FOR WHAT SHE DID TO ME

[@luanadenes2221]

I cryed so hard watching this and reading some of the comments bc i have came out again during quarentine too, after identifying as bi for 5 years and dating a guy for 3 and a half. The process of questioning and realization was so scary and confusing and nausiating even, but every step i took in the direction of being a bit more sure felt like a huge weight off my chest. I thought i knew myself for so long and yet now i'm seeing things clearly for the first time.

[@aidenjames4754]

As someone who came out as gay and later realise I was bi, I know how terrifying it can be to come out twice. And there is one thing I wished I'd known then. You are loved. You are valid. No matter who you love. No matter what you identify as. Their are people out there who will support you no matter what even when it doesn't feel like it.

[@noriii971]

Hey! What made you came out as bi? I came out as bi a year ago but now I'm only sexually attracted to men. I think they're hot (crushes) but wouldn't do anything with them. I don't know if I'm gay with compulsory heterosexuality or just confused. Help lol

[@aidenjames4754]

It's hard to say I didn't just suddenly realise I liked girls as well as guys it just slowly crept up. I got what I now know is a crush on a girl in my class and then kinda slowly started to figure things out for my self. At the end of the day I am not an authority figure on coming out or sexual attraction. I know it sounds harsh but you will have to figure out this for yourself. But their will always be people ready to support you along the way. Your not alone in what your going through and no one should judge you for having doubts or being Confused it's all part of life. Sorry I know its not that helpful but hopefully it's reassuring.

[@xxxheliotropepajamas]

@@noriii971 I came out as gay first and then had to come out again as bi also. For me, I grew up in a liberal place and I had encountered a lot more biphobia than general homophobia. So I knew I was very attracted to girls but I really didn't want to be bi. I spent a lot of time trying to just pick a gender to like but then some huge crush would come along in an other gender and f*ck me up. I thought because I'm more often attracted to girls I could just say I was gay. I was trying to just be gay when I met my husband and I had a huge crush on him immediately. We started dating and I hadn't told many people but I just knew I couldn't break up with him and I wanted to stay with him so I had to tell people. I think maybe just spend some time being generally queer and don't try to tie yourself to a label till you really know what's going on. That's what I wish I had done anyway. And know that you're just yourself trying to figure out who you like, your sexuality doesn't change you as a person. If other people want to know what you are that's not your problem. I hope that helps some.

[@datorflicka6045]

​@@noriii971 Speaking as a Bisexual, it's ok to have different "percentages" of attraction to either sex(or other genders). Sexuality is incredibly fluid and it is not an easy thing to pin down and go "yup this is me 100%" that's why it's so wonderful! Sometimes like in your case, you find guys attractive but you'd rather be in a relationship with a woman. Like with myself, I find both men and women attractive but i tend to find women to be much prettier however i tend to think about having sexual relations with men more often. So i would say I like men sexually and women romantically but that percentage isn't exactly like so either because for me it also depends on the person because i'm a demisexual and i also find myself being attracted to certain women sexually only! But being demisexual means i can't really do anything about it because i need to feel connected to them emotionally! sorry for the wall of text. I guess I just wanted to get some of this out and hope to also shed some light on what i think of sexuality and how you can be more into certain genders than others and still be Bi or still be Gay and find men attractive. 8-)

[@ginandromeda1618]

@@xxxheliotropepajamas coming out videos like these sometimes make me anxious because they make me realize this could happen to me (not taking it personal with Alaina, good for her, it's just my insecurities showing). But the furthest I've gotten with both sexes has been like second base so I'm afraid the more I'll experiment, the more confused I'll be, what happens if after having too much experience I realize I only like girls? Or that I was just straight? I don't wanna feel like i've been faking my whole life, realizing I was bi was a hard journey so idk what I could go through if it turns out I was wrong this whole time. I might just go with the word queer, I use both bi and queer interchangeably so thanks for the tip. Queer is like a bit of fresh air. I don't know where will I start with experimenting once lockdown is over, I'm only 18 and I feel like this would take some years I can't go back to. I really want to experience but I rarely found someone right for me, sometimes being attracted is not enough but I'll figure it out

[@jamiedegenhardt438]

As a lesbian who also thought she was bisexual at first, this video really hits home. Nothing but love to you

[@coramarie619]

the best part about this video for me is that i just realized when i started watching your channel i identified as bi, and now i identify as a lesbian, lol 😂

[@Mariethechaotic]

Same!

[@annawangensteen1827]

Same!!

[@khanhfident]

I don’t even know you and I’m completely straight, but you’re so admirable. I wish you all the best luck.

[@AG-ej7wm]

I went from "probably bi" to "definitely lesbian" to "deep down I've always been straight".. back to bi, with some years of feeling asexual and depressed in between. I always felt like I just found out my deepest truth. I think that's because I wish I wasn't bisexual and would feel relief to find out I was either lesbian or straight. My journey is probably different from yours, but I can definitely relate to your struggle.

[@EuniceLucie]

I feel the same way!!

[@LukasOliver09]

Being bi is tough! It's never 50/50 but you feel like it should be sometimes, so you try to relabel yourself :/

[@macarmenadoree]

I relate to this so much!

[@macarmenadoree]

@@LukasOliver09 So true. It always seems like it should be 50/50 but it feels more like I'm 100% gay 50% of the time and 100% straight the other 50%

[@LukasOliver09]

@@macarmenadoree Also depends alot on the environment for me. Some people make me feel straight, others make me feel gay. Does that make sense?

[@demiandjbfan1]

I read something on twitter once that has kind of stuck with me and maybe it was because I was in the middle of the process or because I never really put much thought into it beforehand...and it may sound simple or obvious, but someone said that discovering you are a lesbian comes in two steps and in this order, 1. You realize you like women and 2. You realize you do not like men. And I think it's strange because the space between 1 and 2 is different for everyone. For some, 2 could come very quickly, almost feeling seamless with 1, but for others it could take years. I feel like in some cases getting through that second step is more difficult and just as terrifying as realizing you like women. And with that comes it's own type of denial and confusion because like you said, maybe it wasn't something you even thought to question about yourself - because it was always just something expected of you that you went along with. I've struggled with that second step. There were days I would be so confident that I didn't like men and then randomly there would be a day I felt like I was talking myself in circles, second guessing myself. It can be very frustrating. Thinking you figured out who you are and being comfortable in that for a while and then realizing you were wrong is a scary thing. I just want to say that I think you're brave and I'm proud of you and that you are doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes

[@magmaggie9144]

I relate completely

[@neversayneverpurple1]

This comment was wonderfully written ❤ as I'm someone who grew up with yt and that how I figure out the LGBTQIA community and I always felt a fresher to figuer out my labor and I came out as bi. Which feels the most comfortable to be. Your comment and this video just really remind me how much I wished it was okay for us to not know, for us to just say all I know is I'm not straight or something like that. Because that is totally okay! Thank you for this comment💖

[@paulalixlix]

I loved your comment! So clarifying.

[@CAPITALLINDA]

This level of honesty takes an enormous amount of courage.

[@AnaHaze777]

I relate to this so hard. I always dated men, have a child with a man, and I couldn’t possibly be more gay. I never even though I might be gay, I just thought it was normal for me to not be happy or like sex. Then the girl that became my first girlfriend started flirting with me and (again didn’t even think about it) so naturally I was into it and after experiencing all these things with her it couldn’t be more clear that I’m just gay. And WHAT A RELIEF that I can be so happy, fulfilled, and sex is unreal. I’m just gay!! 😂

[@HappinessTheBrand]

Beautiful

[@stephanieh5478]

You guys still together? I’m just realizing my attraction to women

[@layton6202]

That's wild.....you're husband must of not reached the expectation

[@IceESole]

👏🏽🙌🏽💪🏽🙏🏽🥰😊

[@brunabarbosadasilva4596]

"The thought of confirming if I was into men never crossed my mind". This is it. I found your channel when I still thought I was bi and I immediately fell in love with how sure you were. I was at the end of high school when I figured out I liked girls and I never really questioned if the crushes I had on boys before were actually a thing. So I went on for years thinking I was bisexual without actually being interested in (and sometimes even avoiding) any relationships with men. And every once in a while I would have these moments where I was like 'AM I GAY?' but then brushing it off because, of course, I had crushes on boys before, I think that Oscar Isaac is hot, I am bi. So I spent like four years not even considering dating a man and thinking I was bi. It wasn't until the beginning of last year, during an anxiety attack, I told my friend I thought I was actually gay and I was so scared, which is stupid, but we do get the feeling that we were lying to people all this time and that we're harming the bisexual community somehow when actually it just took us a while longer to figure it out. So from a "former" pride bisexual and now actual pride lesbian, I wanna tell you that it's okay and this happens. Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. We're with you, Alayna.

[@billiemss5817]

It is quite the journey and it can be quite stressful. Are you brazilian? Couldn't help but notice the name.

[@brunabarbosadasilva4596]

@@billiemss5817 yeah, i'm brazilian

[@billiemss5817]

@@brunabarbosadasilva4596 oh, cool, me too.

[@Luisa-mu9yw]

Contrapoints recently also came out as a lesbian after being bi & in a relationship with a man. She did a whole video, 'Shame', on it, so maybe check it out.

[@Lucykbee]

+

[@ceruleanskies001]

This! Her video still haunts me

[@laiaf8851]

I was literally thinking about that video all throughout this one. I think there's probably a looot of women who have or had or will have similar experiences

[@pinkieskeelo]

this video is immediately what i thought of.

[@lavender_evie]

@@ceruleanskies001 same. Comp het is real

[@shandi2]

I'm glad the comments are so overwhelmingly positive. My longest relationship was with someone who said they were bi and then turned out to be gay. Turns out I was trans, so it's a weird story to tell now. Life is weird, gender and sexuality are weird. You really just have to roll with the punches. You're a gem and I'm glad to be following you!

[@n3rdmann]

I can't believe this was only 7 months ago. 2020 truly has been 5 years in one.

[@timmietim4596]

Massive props to Dallas, he's really incredible. And much strength and love for you!!

[@TheSwordbird98sPage]

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction often refuse to cooperate and it’s the most stressful, hellish thing. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

[@hannah5310]

Yes, yes, yes!!! There was a person I was with, and I really wanted it to work, I loved him romantically, but I figured out that I just wasn't attracted to him. And that's so devastating, because it's something that seems so 'superficial', someone's appearance shouldn't matter right? Well, you can't just pretend like sexual attraction doesn't matter. It does matter. And to clarify, sexual attraction doesn't mean a person has to be 'hot' or 'cute', someone can be attractive because of their behavior, smell, all those things. But sexual attraction is a thing that can't be ignored.

[@helantopia]

@@hannah5310 same! Ages ago my best friend confessed to me and I did love him but there was just 0 attraction. Our whole friendship fell apart after that and it's just so sad😔

[@Stufunabu]

@@hannah5310 Damn I really needed to read this thank you. I am feeling very lost right now, I love my boyfriend of two years but I'm just not attracted to him physicaly and I don't know what to do.

[@hannah5310]

@@Stufunabu I'm glad I could help. When I was at that place, I needed to hear that too, someone with a similar experience, because it seemed like no one understood me. I'm glad you found my comment. We broke up after we realised that a relationship didn't work between us. We're still great friends now! And we love eachother still, just in another way. And I met someone new, two years later. I'm in a healthy relationship now, I'm very attracted to him, he's the sweetest guy on earth, and I love him. I'm so much happier than I've ever been in a relationship. I thought for a while that I would never find love, because I didn't understand why I couldn't really feel the feelings I was supposed to feel (with my previous boyfriend). So I thought it was me, that I was broken. But that's not the case, it's just because attraction wasn't there.

[@hannah5310]

@@Stufunabu Don't hesitate to ask questions or advice, I'd be so happy to help, because I know how horrible it is to go through that.

[@yellowpeguingurl123]

This comment will probably get buried but I have to say it. In high school I identified as bi, and I found your channel and watching your videos about your coming out journey gave me the courage to start coming out to people. A few years ago once I started college I had the same realization that I'm actually gay. It was something that I didn't want to admit to myself and kept shoving it down until about a year ago when I finally couldn't take it anymore. Having to come out for the second time was one of the scariest things ever. I still haven't told all the people I need to because I was scared. Watching this video now, my heart goes out to you. All the reasons you had for telling yourself you were bi were the exact same things I had told myself. When you said "It was like being into men was just a given" that really resonated with me.I know this must be a hard time for you, but I'm happy you get to be true to yourself from now on ❤️ Best of luck to you.

[@raspberryfawn]

yellowpeguingurl123 I’ve had this same exact experience it rly sucks.

[@theatergirl325]

As a woman who has also thought of myself as bisexual but had recently realized I’m gay and had to end a 4 year with relationship with a man I was engaged to, I absolutely relate to this and needed to hear it. You are so strong and I’m so proud of you. I’m glad we both realized before actually being married, and I’m happy to say that I’m so much better off now than I was a few weeks ago when the split happened. My former fiancé and I were going through a lot near the end, arguing, always feeling miserable, unsure what was wrong but knowing that something was. Now I’m coming to terms with being gay, and that’s really hard! I came out as bisexual my freshman year of high school, 7 years ago. I thought myself to be bi all this time, and only recently understood that I was dealing with compulsory heterosexuality and it took me a really long time to understand that and to be okay with it. I’m still not fully there, but it’s something I’m going through every day. Thank you for sharing this, it means so so much 💙

[@j86485]

Advice to people: don't get engaged and plan to marry if you're still questioning your sexuality. You'll end up breaking both your hearts

[@ZaraRebecka]

"I feel like I can breath, when for years I didnt even realise I was holdning my breath"

[@sydeLPS]

"You get to exhale now, Simon. You get to be more you than you have been for a very long time. You deserve everything you want" :')

[@moon5265]

Is that from the movie "Love, Simon? " sounds familiar.

[@sydeLPS]

@@moon5265 It is!

[@moon5265]

@@sydeLPS ahhhhh 😍😍

[@liane1955]

you're so strong and i can't even imagine what this is like for you. I found your bisexual coming out story when i was a senior in high school and it was my lightbulb moment where i realized that i was bi. i resonated with you on a level that i still to this day haven't with anyone else when it comes to my sexuality. i remember watching it over and over again and crying with relief after finally figuring out why i had been feeling the way that i was. i hope that this story, your true story, can do this for someone else. i cried watching you break down in the beginning knowing that what was about to be said would be heartbreaking. you have been "there" for me in all of my doubts and questions and self-discoveries with my sexuality and i can't wait to support you through yours in the coming years. sending all my love.

[@giorgioeep8752]

This has a very similar pattern to contrapoints' coming out story, which is quite interesting and tells something about the way heterosexuality is seen as required, to women especially :/

[@giorgioeep8752]

It looks like another "humble hostess" of mine is a total lez

[@l6318]

I was thinking the same thing...in a sort of terrified way as a bi lady married to a man...(I'm kidding...I hope...)

[@TigerPrawn_]

This compulsory heterosexuality, which I was reading about lately, shook me when Alayna explained it in the way she felt it here, and I have gone into a spiral of questioning my own bisexuality, here goes! :/

[@brandidavis4425]

@@TigerPrawn_ Me too. I think a lot of us have, but I also think that's a good thing. At this time I'm just calling myself queer...maybe one day I'll be able to have a more definite label.

[@alexash99]

Which contra video??

[@CeEstMoi]

I've identified as lesbian for the most part of my life. Then I started feeling sexual attraction to men but I thought that I don't develop feelings for them. Eventually I did though and I am in a relationship with a man right now. But I miss women. And I've told him that. I love him, but it doesn't compare to the passionate love I had for women. I don't feel comfortable with the bisexual label but I feel comfortable with HIM. I REALLY WISH we would stop looking for labels to stick on us. We as human beings are way too complex and constantly evolving to be labeled. I am me. And I loved women, now I love a man, what will come in the future I don't know but I WON'T LIMIT MYSELF BY LABELS! love is love after all.

[@xcalypso4077]

just dont break his heart please

[@CeEstMoi]

@@xcalypso4077 I won't. He knows about my struggle and we try to communicate our feelings freely.

[@raisingraesoffaith3968]

I love thissss

[@sasuarg]

wow! i've read a few stories about lesbians developing feelings for men but incapable of feeling sexual attraction to them but never the other way around 😮

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I fully agree with this! Sexuality is often a spectrum, and sometimes fluid. And love is love. And attraction is made up of so many aspects - lust, desire, sexuality, affection, emotional intimacy, understanding, humour, respect, intellectual stimulation, mutual connection, soulmate-ism. Basically, it's all good! 💗

[@rintickles]

the fact that the two of u stayed friends after breaking off the marriage, just solidifies the love in ur relationship

[@rintickles]

staying friends means they will continue to support each other even without the expecations of a romantic relationship, thats solid unconditional love

[@LL-wu5ui]

You know that's likely just a phrase? No she wont be calling him twice a day, no he wont support her right now because he needs to support himself. And when he heals he will probably have another life without her.

[@LL-wu5ui]

I take back my last comment. He is clearly something else by letting her cheat on him and not minding it?? The fuck looool

[@moirablack2117]

Oh well, I'm sure that will make dallas sleep better knowing YOU think so.

[@Isabeltherat]

LL Not every relationship is monogamous. There’s this thing called an open relationship :)

[@absurdlyy9009]

"it was like being into men is a given" OH MY GOD I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN 😫

[@jonnalaurila9850]

Oh my how many comments about these things here are! I have felt so alone with this!! Hi u people there 😭😭🥰🥰🥰💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@kerriannechilders]

That’s how I felt when I came out as trans. I started saying I was genderfluid because I thought being a woman was given. But I’m just not. And that’s okay. Finally realizing that and becoming who I truly am is so freeing.

[@jonnalaurila9850]

@@kerriannechilders yayy for us 🤗 nobody deserves to feel like that ❤

[@happyzombiikitti]

After dating nothing but men for 10+ years, I’ve just come out as gay. I’m 26. Things will get better. Be authentic with yourself.

[@nerdynadine5892]

9 months of questioning my identity. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday

[@hopemoore2724]

I hope you’re doing alright :)

[@nerdynadine5892]

@@hopemoore2724 thanks!!

[@hopemoore2724]

@@nerdynadine5892 oh that sounds pretty exhausting but I’m glad you’re doing well emotionally :)

[@frostyskeletons8950]

Sending good vibes your way

[@nerdynadine5892]

update: lol I already have a long distance girlfriend that I think is the one and I'm gonna visit her this summer I'm pretty sure 🥰🤓