“The wedding night is strangers having sex” | Intimacy Coach Peggy Greenfield

Sensitive content warning. This conversation contains adult themes / candid discussions on sex.
Peggy Greenfield is a certified relationship and intimacy coach who grew up in the Satmar Hasidic community of Williamsburg, and now serves this population. Peggy is not in the community herself anymore, which gives her a unique vantage point from which to tackle challenges of sex and intimacy, topics that are difficult and complicated anywhere, but which pose a unique challenge in a community of so many rules restricting sex and the body. Peggy is outside of the community's conventions, but she has a deep appreciation for it. She therefore is able to candidly and empathetically provide support and guidance and here, to talk openly for this interview. I understand that many people feel that this topic should not be discussed publicly, but after much deliberation, I decided that the right course of action is to release this interview. I welcome your thoughts in the comments.
Please check out Peggy on Instagram here: / pegreenfeld
Please subscribe, like, comment and share for more humanizing sensitive conversations on Jewish topics.
Thumbnail photo credit: Documentary "The Wedding Night" by Rachel Elitzur

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

If you think my work is valuable, you can support my work by making a tax-deductible donation at fundraising.fracturedatlas.org/frieda-vizel-brooklyn-youtube-channel or giving through Paypal at paypal.me/friedavizel Your support is so much appreciated. My heartfelt thanks to channel members for supporting this project. I did not early release this video as I did not want it to be downloaded and circulated early, which occasionally happens. ❤❤

[@christinawrobel4869]

Àaaaààààßź

[@fummytoysanddolls2460]

Find someone from the community to counter interview this lady made my blood boil. She is off in a big way.

[@DoreenBellDotan]

You both did a wonderful job handling this very sensitive topic. Thank you.

[@Zelde-M]

I applaud our guide Frieda for being willing to take on such a sensitive, personal, relevant topic as sex and intimacy particularly as it relates to the Hasidic community. Thank you for this glimpse into this specific topic which relates to the greater community as well. Shkoyakh!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you so much my dear Zelde, I love you.

[@Zelde-M]

⁠back atcha@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

[@jayem5738]

It’s so intense

[@Familylawgroup]

Ms. Vizel, thank you for taking so much care to do this topic with sensitivity.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I tried - thanks for watching

[@debbiestarks4975]

What a great video, Frieda! I am a 71 yr old non-Jew, but I love learning from you. This kind of education is needed in every culture, not just in the Hassidic community. I am an expat in Cuenca Ecuador, and this information is much needed here! Thank you for tackling such a sensitive subject in a professional and down-to-earth manner.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I so appreciate your kind comment Debbie

[@rbj2023]

I just want to point out that the majority of bride and groom teachers teach that foreplay is extremely important, they teach how fundamental physical relations and intimacy are to a marriage, they teach that the goal is to be intimate at least twice a week, and they teach that the man and woman should look out for each other's needs. This conversation is speaking about a big, big minority of the population, and I think it's important to point that out. One of the key factors in a Jewish marriage is intimacy, and most bride and groom teachers teach that to men and women who are about to get married.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I did learn a little about foreplay altho not a lot. we definitely knew about being intimate twice a week

[@Rocio2121]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn they talk about foreplay, but they do not explain what forepay means.

[@beans4853]

@@Rocio2121 my husband's chasan teacher (who looks like he wouldn't know anything on the topic, so ultra religious) spoke extensively about it in very great detail. Before the wedding, too but he got into even greater depth on the topic after our wedding.

[@Rocio2121]

@@beans4853 You are right... I don't know much about it.

[@ychill7560]

This was my experience as well. But like she said at the beginning of the video, these are probably disproportionately focused the bad experiences that people have

[@josefernandez6226]

Freida, in your introduction you call yourself “Brooklyn Tour Guide”. You’re much more than that: Historian, documentarian, archivist… I’m not sure what but your much more than a tour guide.

[@bettymaines6305]

@@josefernandez6226 100% agree, that said Frieda’s tour are wonderful. !! If you get the chance , go.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Betty having you on tour was a highlight! still bummed I missed Peter Luger’s

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

That’s very kind of you my friend

[@juliaagnes7]

Thanks Frieda for having the courage to post such a sensitive topic. I have no opinion for the qualifications of your guest, the community or any of the information. However, I think it takes great courage to even bring it up. As always you are respectful and have great respect in your demeanor and presentation.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I very much appreciate it. I weighed the pros and cons of this for many weeks before deciding to post. I think it’s an effort to have a mature conversation even if it isn’t perfect. these discussions I think have value.

[@juliaagnes7]

@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I totally agree. If you can't even have a conversation, we will get nowhere. Yes there are sensitive topics that can create touchy moments. Mature people can use them for growth and understanding. Brava!

[@mzalcyoga]

Congratulations! You don’t stop amazing me, surprising me. Each new interview gets better and better. I learn more and more. You are a jewel for serious academics who are not closed between the walls of academia but really want to learn what is going on the world.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you so very much. This was a very difficult interview to bring to the fore and I so appreciate your support. I think it's a valuable discussion.

[@susie5254]

I grew up in the "popular culture" with movies, etc., and the misinformation leading to expectations that s-x is perfect like on TV is so dangerous that it makes me think that young marrieds figuring things out for themselves is a healthier adventure than imitating movie stars in their perfect Hollywood fantasies.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

10000% what's going on in the secular world is disturbing, dangerous, awful. A lot of porn sick people with unreasonable expectations of what an intimate life should look like.

[@szeevster5767]

You made a brave call to do a video on this subject. It's such a difficult and fraught topic, but clearly critical for relationships.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you. I really appreciate it. it’s not perfect but I felt it was an important consideration

[@szeevster5767]

Frieda - As a father of religious daughters, I've witnessed the difficulties each had as a result of the way they were instructed on tznius. Two of three (at least) took time and counseling to consummate their marriage. Needless to say, having been raised in less religious families, we couldn't really relate. Fortunately all married well, and things have worked out well. Thank heavens for caring professionals.

[@meags-j2245]

I’m currently taking a class about birth, sex, and death in different religions. This has taught me so much, thank you to both of you ladies!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you and good luck in your class! Hope it’s educational and enjoyable.

[@buddypvaz124]

Frieda always leaves me wanting more. She is compelling to watch and she creates, effortlessly, a personal connection with her viewers. I feel as if I am in a cultural anthropology class at university and I have a crush on the professor. 💌

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

awwww this is fun ☺️😊

[@jimdeane3667]

I’m about a third of the way through Frieda. Congratulations on having the courage to broach this subject. Ultimately, you will be rewarded for the kindness you are doing for the Jewish people in this generation, especially in regard to this subject. My first comment is that as surprising as it may sound to you, you should know that the state of affairs today in regard to sexual education and awareness, for both religious men and women, is abysmally poor. This is not because the Torah lacks this teaching, but because most in this generation are simply ignorant of what the Torah teaches about all this. I emphasize, even on the most rudimentary level, meaning simple anatomy and the physical, intellectual and spiritual differences between men and women, the vast majority of the Jewish people are incredibly ignorant of what the Torah teaches. In that perspective, consider that Jewish parents are obligated to teach their children, both their boys and their girls from the age of five and even before, in the ways of Torah. That includes everything that the Torah teaches about sexuality and sex education. But because the vast majority are unaware that this wisdom is even present within the Torah, they are incapable of communicating it to their children. This shocking and unbelievable state of affairs is the consequence of the oppression that was inflicted upon our people over thousands of years. What is described as the descent of the generations in the historical teachings of the Torah. That descent is the gradual and consistent loss of complete knowledge of the wisdom, including knowledge of all aspects of sexuality for life and for good, contained within our Torah.

[@hpyrkh3]

I think the discussion here is about satmar group.

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

She is so so wrong. Sex education for brides has never been more open and free for discussion as this generation has it. Some people just love to mock frum people and find the negatives. I have several family members in this field and the discussions are amazing. The boys learn chumish and rashi etc and are clearly not in the dark about sexuality. It need not be discussed openly and between each other. Theres modesty that orevails in our culture abd THANK G- D for that!!!!

[@gcolwill]

@jimdeane3667: "This shocking and unbelievable state of affairs is the consequence of the oppression that was inflicted upon our people over thousands of years." I have always thought I detected much in current Jewish outlook that has been "picked up" from the generally Christian milieu that most diaspora Jewish communities found themselves in over the last 2 millennia. Many attitudes, including but not limited to those pertaining to sexual relations, seem to be colored or even wholly derived from this experience. Is this what you're referring to?

[@Marieruth333]

I know it hurts when there is emotional distance and little harmony in physical intimacy between spouses. but For me it is miraculous to still find in this world this kind of naivety and innocence

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

@@jimdeane3667 there is only one wisdom lacking here and that is, in your complete statement! Who are you speaking for? Certainly not for me or my friends or anyone I'm associated with in my circle. As a matter of fact you are so ABYSMALLY WRONG, because today's lessons are so broad and all inclusive ....I have zero clue who is feeding your statements. The part you're missing undoubtedly is that secular and religious boys and girls are born with the same INSTINCTS. It's not exclusive to you, you know. And the boys pretty much know a lot more than you give them credit for, after all...the same hormones and blood rush through their system as well. The fact that it's not a subject discussed between each other is a question of modesty, by both boys and girls and trust me, it's discussed way more than you THINK YOU KNOW. After all, we are as human as you. You don't hold a monopoly on the wisdom of sexually!!! You don't need too many lessons on the birds and the bees...after all, animals don't have classes or teachers, or do they. What they need to learn are the Jewish laws PERTAINING TO IT...the act is natural. Glad to enlighten you

[@bonnieschechner9476]

Absolutely fascinating lesson! Very unusual to me because I was so open with my children. Thank you so much for sharing. I love the lessons you share.

[@RachelH-d5c]

Full of BULLSHIT (sorry for my language )I’m married for 15 years in the Satmar community.had to stop listening after few min.your probably dealing with extreme radical people of the community.this is far from reality. My teacher demonstrated exactly how what when and where……me and my husband which went to most popular teacher in Brooklyn discussed everything before .being intimate is fun! lovely! Which it’s meant to be ,without violating biblical standards.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I asked a lot of people. some people’s experiences were like yours (mine was!) some people’s were more extreme. I think that if people are unhappy sexually they might blame it on the system and come to Peggy with narratives that fault the system for their frustration, and so lean into all the faults of how they were raised. just a theory. there are definitely people who are not adequately prepared but I don’t know the percent

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

This woman appears to represent anti~Jewish values. She angered me and I found her quite offensive and patronizing. The Tanach contains the most beautiful poetry and prose about marital love and intimacy. Read the Song of Solomon, and it will tell you everything this woman had to say from Hashem’s perspective.

[@Hampdood84]

This was great and informative. The innocence of the young brides and grooms is to be admired.

[@bernadettedevereaux8694]

How are you using the word innocent? That a young married couple go into marriage unaware of how to express physical affection? That they have been untainted by pornography? What are you admiring?

[@Hampdood84]

@@bernadettedevereaux8694 and popular couture in general

[@Marieruth333]

I know that in this area of physical intimacy between spouses ignorance can cause psychological suffering and misunderstandings; but I cannot help but find this innocence and naivety between them wonderful. 😊

[@EleanorLBest]

Frieda, you might like to know that you have a frequent viewer who is an 81yr old African-American Roman Catholic. My paternal family is from Bed-Stuy. My father grew-up eating a lot of kosher food. I'm from Boston, Summer vacations were spent in Brooklyn with my father's people. I have an everlasting, appreciation for the Jews who had our backs and marched with us during the Civil Rights Movement. Your program is informative and fascinating and much appreciated. I like to remember - 'no Jews - no Jesus!'

[@lindaversil1121]

My father who is Jewish marched with you during the civil rights movement with his good and dear friend and neighbor Andrew frierson in the 60’s. They were always together walking the streets of NYC. White Jewish man and black opera singer arm in arm. Best friends

[@pqlasmdhryeiw8]

Thank you so much for this interview. I know the clients are Hasidic but the situation reminds me of many sexually active teenagers and young adults. Even when learning about genitals and procreation, what usually lacks is intimacy education and learning how to be a good educating partner. Religion and sexual orientation does not matter.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

yes, so so true!

[@KatharinaFranca-v9i]

I totally agree, the intimacy topic is sadly neglected in general. I'm not Jewish, speaking from an outside standpoint. This is a discussion that deserves broad attention.

[@BhavyaAndrea]

I was taken by the instructions given to the husband to exercise sensitivity, caring, and patience. This is an important lesson for all married couples. I would hope that this encourages a a lifelong deep respect and understanding for intimacy in the bedchamber. It saddens me that menses is considered unclean. Also would like to believe over time that couples do find what works best for them. Respect is at the core of intimacy.

[@ArtU4All]

23:12 wow…. ☺️ Not Hasidic, not Jewish, but from Eastern Europe, only now am I finally understanding why, in my childhood, boys were always yelled at “get your hands out of your pockets!!!!”. It was considered bad manners, disrespectful. Girls did not wear pants. Few dresses or skirts had pockets. But oh Lord, if girls had their hands in the pockets of their skirts, they got yelled at too: “bad manners!!! Don’t be like a boy - get your hands out of your pockets!!!!” 😂 This forbiddance was always so weird to me: keeping our hands in our pockets was so comfortable when you had to be standing. Because otherwise, as a child we always were running somewhere. Going to the store for bread was a run for the bread. But if we had to stand in line, the hands would go into the pockets immediately. This requirement of childhood was VERY weird, especially because the adults, men and women, did put their hands in the pockets whenever they felt like it. This is so comical to discover the possible sexual-reason prohibition (boys) and spilling over onto girls “just because”. The tyranny of adults…. I am 60+ 😂 Freida, the things you help me learn 🙏☺️🌿

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

fascinating!!!

[@manax8775]

This is wonderful for both Jews and non Jewish married folks. A great perspective and training.

[@jimdeane3667]

Hi Frieda. Just finished watching it. Another excellent episode. You really are very talented! If I could nominate you for an award, I would. Truly an excellent interview.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

you are such a friend.

[@jimdeane3667]

@ I feel lucky to have discovered you in this big world. Your good sense and caring heart are a real breath of fresh air. Your parents should take pride that they were blessed with such a wonderful daughter.

[@BrittMFH]

Wonderful interview. I'm surprised at the negative responses. Jewish or not, it's a very thought-provoking interview.

[@BushaBandulu]

This is invaluable interview. Keep doing your mission-to heal via education

[@Zennys_world]

This is so sad. But so true, and so needed. Thanks for spreading awareness and helping so many people.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

❤️

[@HarryWeisskaimu]

I am so happy that you have reached more then 73k subscribers. I told you at our dec 21 interview that you will reach 50 k . I now predict that you will soon surpass 100k

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

soooo nice to hear from you my friend! it’s been quite a ride!

[@cb-ln5lc]

So many blatant false blanket statements! Two or three year olds do not go to mikva in mainstream satmar. Groom and kalla teachers educate so much more than uou claim, mothers do teach their daughters about puberty. I could go on and on... are there issues and extremist like in every community? Absolutely! Just please dont make it sound like its mainstream or even very frum satmar

[@lindaversil1121]

True

[@efeld613]

Not all mothers. I thought i was dying in 8th grade when i went to the bathroom in school and had no idea why i had blood all over my legs.

[@efeld613]

Also typical of chassidim going to providers who are not certified. She doesn't ate any formal college education.

[@cb-ln5lc]

@@efeld613 I'm so sorry for your experience, however that is not a typical experience in the community

[@lindaversil1121]

@ that’s terrible for not telling your daughter and make her think she’s dying.

[@cmorgan7851]

I watched the transcript groom’s lesson and then this, it saddens me because if all groom’s teachers taught their students as the one of your transcript video, wedding nights and future sex lives would be very successful. He shared a thoughtfulness and caring attitude toward the entire wedding night experience and went into great detail of how to speak sweetly and foster a safe and loving environment for the bride. If couples were adequately taught as the young groom was, maybe the Hassidic community would have less sexual struggles.

[@rosec8101]

I love this conversation. I am a devout Christian and we as a church care a lot about our couples sex life. Not because we want to know. Only because we want strong healthy marriages. Sex is a part of that. If you enjoy your spouse intimate sex is part of the relationship.

[@shiragold1008]

I think it's very important to note for all who might not be aware and for all who might hear things like this and think that this is how it is across the board... it is not ... please be aware that many orthodox people have been pre maritally educated in this area in a much more open and healthy way... and that there is actually currently a revolution going on in the orthodox world at large (maybe not every sect) with pre marital lessons being given in a way that is bringing awareness to the beauty and importance of sexuality in marriage, the importance of a mutually pleasurable experience actually being extremely holy, and removing the shame aspect.❤

[@jessicamorris4748]

For all the Christians out there watching this please keep in mind that this represents only one group of Jews, not Judiasim as a whole. Judiasim is no more a monolithic faith than Christianity. I was born to a devout ELCA Lutheran and a Reform Jew. I was raised predominantly as a Jew, but my family still celebrated Christian holidays, too. My experience growing up around West Coast hippie Jews (and some hippie Lutherans) is radically different than what is described here. The fact that sex is a mitzvah was not only heavily emphasized, the rabbi at the Renewal congregation where I was bat mitzvahed gave an entire Friday night sermon on the subject. His words have been a positive source of guidance for how I think about sex ever since. Further, the hang ups described here are ones that I have seen amongst people who are not Jewish or Hassidic or anything close. The one arranged marriage that I saw up close, which was that of one of my mother's many Indian friends, appeared very much like all the healthy marriages of my friend's parents. Also, sex education in the public school is no guarantee that a person actually learns anything about sex or intimacy. I have an ex boyfriend who as far as I know attended sex ed classes in the public high school, but asked me questions that indicated that he hadn't learned a thing. Personally, I have also found it useful and delightful to speak openly about sex with people who are not therapists. I once went to my father about a serious sexual issue that had cropped up with my boyfriend, and my father's advice was both reassuring and helpful. I also had some delightfully frank discussions about sex with my grandmother when she was still alive, and now I know about the joys of post menopausal sex, and that menopause is something to look forward to. Porn is also not nearly as prevalent in popular culture as this video makes it sound, and how something is defined as "porn" is a question worth asking. There are plenty of R rated movies out there that are thin on plot and thick with graphic images, but they are not classified as porn. Also, just because sex is spoken about openly in a household doesn't mean that porn is considered acceptable: my parents spoke very openly about sex, but I KNOW that my mother would have had my brother's hide if he had even brought a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition into the house. Heck, he would have gotten a lecture if he looked at a National Geographic the wrong way. And being raised in a household where sex is spoken about openly is no guarantee either, my sister is quite the prude in comparison to me. Just felt compelled to point these things out.

[@Now_We_Are_Sussex]

In other words, she has no real qualifications. So I'm not interested in her discussion. I'm an evangelical, not a Hasidim person, but I can tell when someone knows what they are talking about. Or not.

[@Dev_KG]

I'm chassidic, and I took her with about a tablespoon of salt. Not that I haven't seen similar issues in couples I've known, but that her "coaching" is not necessarily the healthiest way, as there could be many other issues going on. Also, some of the things that she brushes off as not being issues in Jewish law, in fact are, and there should be a discussion with a rabbinic authority. She is in no position to recommend birth control or sexual positions or specific activities or anything else.

[@rivkafriedman3981]

Thank you for being honest. Im not feeling so alone.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

♥️

[@Avocado294]

❤

[@louiselmf6671]

Thank you for info. I am very interested in learning about the beliefs and traditions of different religions.

[@pinkbabydoll6874]

Six minutes in and I can tell by the way this woman Peggy is speaking she is not a trained therapist. She took a class, has a certificate, that’s not the same as a formal advanced education and license. She couldn’t even adequately explain somatic therapy. Yes she may have grown up Satmar but you can tell despite how she may look she’s not actually a trained clinician.

[@beans4853]

Yes she clearly states that she only took a course. She was probably the only option Frieda had to come on and talk about this topic

[@Dev_KG]

Yep that was my thinking throughout.

[@samdovels1234]

We're not talking here of serious mental health issues that requires a "trained licensed therapist". All it requires is some knowledge of the society, the pros and cons, experience, as well as knowledge in the fundamentals of this field. Many people who followed her advice are claiming she was spot on!

[@malkytirnouer4931]

Totally agree. Just a rebellious person who thinks she's educated and has found a few thirsty horn ppl who want some more information 😂

[@brucelevine6517]

Some times thats good enough if the people seeking advice Are at the most basic level , it's interesting that even persons with down syndrome seem to figure it out on their own it's not rocket science it's just about communication

[@Esther-y7d]

So many false statements, from moms that don’t educate about cycles to the lack of education prior to marriage. All couples part of the human race Jewish or not, will need to learn about each other, explore, evaluate and communicate to create a relationship and a beautiful sex life. In addition to expanding their experiences as they evolve in their relationship.

[@beans4853]

A mom in our community who doesn't educate her children about their cycles is considered abusive or at least neglectful. If it's suspected that a mother won't do it, many times an older sister or aunt will step in and explain it. It's definitely not the norm!

[@hi-kb3hb]

@@beans4853 yes and as a teen, I only know one girl whose mother didn't tell her and that's because she got her cycle very early

[@user-fl2dv2su9w]

My grandma had this experience 60 yrs ago, it's totally not happening now.

[@MoishSZ]

0:28 how do we find or reach out to Peggy? I can't find her on Instagram.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

instagram.com/pegreenfeld/profilecard/?igsh=b3phcjU3M3owZXUz

[@moshiach99]

The title is misleading. Much talk about intimacy, but the 'modesty, religion, piety' was glaringly absent. There was no need to inquire if she has Rabbinical guidance as no rabbi would ever sanction an unmarried woman conducting sessions one-on-one with married men who often admit to becoming aroused by their discussions! Also the advocating of contraception for first year of marriage and encouraging watching pornagraphic material '"together'", clear violations of Halacha and modesty, make it obvious that this 'coach' is the wrong address for couples who were poorly educated / informed prior to marriage. They should be going to a therapist who has the appropriate training and credentials as well as one who receives Halachic guidance. I enjoy this channel very much, but this interview crossed many red lines ....

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I think some couples want to go to a secular coach and then take that information and decide what their religious line is. I have heard religious coaches/therapists also permit pornography together however it is not voiced publicly as here. what I meant by the title was that this was about how intimacy relates to a community of modesty and piety. perhaps I can be clearer in the title.

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

👏 👏 👏 Well said.

[@hisdaughter7814]

As a Christian, I agree with you, performance and pornography will only ruin a relationship, this causes separation, not intimacy which is where the couples truly get their needs met. I also don’t agree with the birth control advice.

[@bernadettedevereaux8694]

From watching Frieda’s KZbin channel I am left wondering about the acceptance of limitations on the lives on women and the religiously sanctioned dominance of men. It seems that the major joy in a woman’s life is the celebration once she’s engaged. From the first night as modest and pious woman, she is expected to let a relative stranger enter her body with his penis, an organ she has been prevented from seeing all of her life. The groom is expected to please her but the groom’s coaches omit how to give sexual pleasure to their wives.It is no wonder why rabbis limit the education of women. What woman in her right mind would welcome the repeated physical stress caused by so many back-to-back pregnancies? How could you not be exhausted by caring for so many children plus cooking, cleaning, laundry and then submitting to the sexual needs of your husband?

[@gcolwill]

I read a lot of comments here from what I presume to be Satmar community members that are defensive and even reference the book and/or movie "Unorthodox". Here's my opinion as an outsider: I get it - that book was brutal (the movie was...well...meh). I also know that the book's author's experience was hers alone, and from exclusively her point of view (and if you don't think the author's experience is unique, just read her prologue). I sometimes find it hard to recognize the idea that someone else's experience and point of view can be so different from mine but still be valid. My opinion is that Frieda Vizel's content in no way compares to 'Unorthodox", including this interview. I found her channel after reading the aforementioned book while seeking other points of view about Satmar, and I think she paints a picture of her (in some ways) former community that is positive and loving and nuanced and affectionate and admiring. Speaking only for myself, I think the defensiveness, while understandable, is not useful, especially in light of the framing provided starting at 0:47.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you so much for such a beautiful comment. I understand that people don’t like this discussion but it really really doesn’t come for me from a place of wanting to say “these people are all wrong”. I deeply believe that we have our challenges no matter the society.

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Dear Frieda, it’s not the discussion that is unappreciated. It is your guest this time.

[@Liisa3139]

Jewish or not, it seems that if you happen to like "the boring missionary" (as Peggy put it), you are the poor narrow minded person. And what if you just don't care about s*x that much? May be the biggest taboo of our time when you are expected to do a whole repertoire of things and to have a closet full of toys.

[@zavaughnkirkland5892]

I never want my daughter using the kind of pornographic language she is so accustomed to, like 🤐"blowjob". Fellatio is the correct terminology, unless your rabbi has a better one. What "job" lol? This is not a business obligation. If it were a job, you couldn't do it on Shabbat, Yah forbid. I bet she doesn't even know that sex is the holiest on Shabbat. Nobody is interested in "squirting" besides porn addicts and the apostles that you are training. You're manipulating the vagina to target the bladder by forcing it to constrict and empty itself. Ya know a real man says,☝️"if you want to try the squirts so bad you won't leave me alone about it, then if you use the bathroom on the bed and ruin my linen👀on lila shabbat, I'm sentencing you to 3 hours in the mikveh"!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I’m with you all the way on this. Peggy comes from a very “sex poz ” perspective which I think often favors male perspective over female perspective (altho not as a rule of course!)

[@zavaughnkirkland5892]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn That's only mildly offensive to us, because the Tanakh is not sex negative😁. It's just diligently against the perversions of sex, right, so I don't favor her work in our community for men. Peggy would have to admit that King Solomon is a "softcore female pornography author" lol. The Jewish sexual assault rate is 12% in aggregate, that's half as lower than the general public, and four times lower than in the Muslim community. A "nosy rabbi" is as useless as an agile livestock guard dog. I'd much rather get the bedroom game run down from a younger rabbi who has conceived children within the past decade. I'm addicted to those Orthodox dating reality shows, btw☺️ The guys do need to be taught how to be smooth and overconfident for sure. Ya only got 10 minutes! I can make anyone love me for 10 minutes. What we can really use are personal trainers. Unless you are a shorter fellow, a man is not sub 200 lb🫰There's that blood flow she was talking about.

[@yankyw.5464]

52:30 with this I strongly need to disagree The biggest mistake in today’s culture is you think you need to fall in love at first sight or be attracted at first sight which is not true love is built through hard work, communication passionate about your partner, helping and listening to him/her being there for one to each other Like this, you build a good and healthy relationship not something that’s holding up just for a few years only for a lifetime

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

very good point!

[@teddizia751]

It’ s easier to build a good marriage with someone you already love and have a spark and attraction with.

[@mwalter3755]

Great discussion Frida. Thank you. Here are my thoughts: The sensitivity of this topic itself touches the very essence of the hyper insularity and rigidness, of Haredism. I'm sure that the same people who struggle with these issues, also have a problem with you having this public conversation, which they shouldn't. Basically the uncomfortability says a lot in itself. Now on the one hand "Tzniut" "open mindedness" are the core principles that hasidic culture is for and against, since this is the guardrail against the secular world which they try staying away from by keeping with their tradition. I understand that. On the other hand, there's a very fine line between keeping with tradition and being pious, vs just doing the wrong thing out of fear that its "too secular" "uncomfortable" I find that that's where the average person cant exactly nail it. Its complicated to describe it in a few paragraphs but it takes hard internal work to figure out your own path on how to navigate the confusing reality we're in. We all struggle with this. No one can claim the moral high ground. But everyone, even a frum hasidic jew who has his own set of stringent rules, ought to take in what the world gives, and combine it with their core values and that's how you carve your way in this world. With that being said, when it comes to sex, there's a whole world of pleasure and problems. Some people deem polygamy perfect, some take estrogen for 40 years to prevent their bodies from having kids, and some build families of 12, or 6, which they need to start from a very young age, and that denies them certain pleasures and burdens their mental capacity. Its on each individual to find the balance within their culture. "can my wife have kids" "is this strange first sex night ok?" "is affection between 2 lovers supposed to be so concealed?" I can attest to many hasidim who do figure it out and do the right things intimately. Its their own little secret world that doesn't resemble anything discussed here. Its important for those who are quietly struggling, to realize what are real meaningful jewish principles and what's just shallowness and cowardness that doesn't have a source or purpose. Its on you babe.

[@spelaresnik2646]

I was afraid, that this one will be edited again, but thx G.d only at the start. Regarding the comments you hit the soft spot of many, in one or the other direction. Good job!!! 👍💪👏👏👏 Still a taboo topic today. I watched a french documentary on the s.x topic among joung adults, and the resulta and statements were also catastrophic in the oposit way. About the demands of knowledge and practice both men and women should posses from the first time on....and so on. So not knowing anything or knowing too much makes it difficult to develop your own avarenes of your needs and desires (because of the peer preassure). Have a nice afternoon and greetings from across the ocean. 🤗

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Yes, Spela you are always so wise! I agree with you so much there's so much dysfunction everywhere because having loving sex is hard, it requires a lot of trust, and usually us humans can have painful experiences in so many different contexts. It's okay, it's part of being human, right? Happy to edit videos very lightly - I'm so totally agreeing with you on this.

[@lawrencemielnicki5643]

There’s a lot of discussion on “miscommunication.” As a regular follower of Frieda and a non-Jew I get the sense that this isn’t miscommunication, it’s a lack of communication to begin with. This wouldn’t be a Hasidic issue per se. So many people don’t communicate at all as if it isn’t said it doesn’t exist.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

so true!! communication is hard. it requires us to get vulnerable and potentially get very hurt!

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

32:50 This raises a question for me; what are Hasidic attitudes towards annulling a marriage for lack of consummation? Is that allowed?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

no clue!! I’d like to know as well

[@patscats2080]

Very well done. Thank you. It’s a sensitive subject for my generation, and I was raised Lutheran. We didn’t have sex education either, and my parents and grandparents never mentioned it. I knew nothing when I got married.

[@lanabyk8012]

The human mind is so complicated and has to deal with so many complicated issues...yet, once it knows and understands, things become so simple!

[@bonnieschechner9476]

You have good chutzpah. I love that you address unusual and sensitive topics. Peggy was very interesting. How does she get her clients?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I think word of mouth

[@elineeugenie5224]

Great talk ladies thank you Comment for the algorithm too. It's kind of difficult to accept there's still so much pain in this part of life. In 2024. Ooff😮

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Yes 🥲🥲

[@debras1503]

I so agree with you. I live in the Catskills and are smack in the middle of many communities, it is nice to understand their culture and struggles

[@jonathanrio6587]

Great conversation. Thank you!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you!!! 💕

[@terrytrammell7388]

It has to be difficult to marry someone you only met a few times. I could not imagine being married off to someone I hadn’t known for an extended period of time.

[@hannahaguirre2972]

I did it. I did speak to my husband and once a week during our engagement for about 30 minutes. We also hand wrote letters to each other every few days . I’m married 24 yrs and we did not have a hard time . Our first year of marriage was awesome .

[@terrytrammell7388]

@ It’s good that it worked for you. Congratulations for your 24 years of marriage.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

that’s so wonderful

[@Sara-Smart]

Commitment to a person also creates this safe loving environment for two otherwise strangers to become loving spouses. Also more often that not do we see ppl who dated for yrs and once they get married they're actually surprised at whom they married. Ppl evolve and change over time, so we can never know for certain who the person we're marrying Wil turn out to be. Humans can essentially love all humans if we commit to one another. As long as they come from a well adjusted background and are kind hearted ppl and your values align. The fact is that there are far fewer divorces in this community and ppl have flourishing fulfilling exciting and passionate sex lives.

[@Yellowtu]

It seems like you are talking a very specific sect of ppl. I'm a chassidish bais yakov girl. And I did not have this experience at all. Maybe because I didn't have a chassidish kallah teacher. And also I think things are very different by now even in this sect.

[@lindaversil1121]

Satmar

[@Dev_KG]

There are chassidishe kallah teachers who are great, and some who are really uncomfortable themselves with teaching the "last class" and even send the kallahs to someone else for that. I had a lousy teacher, but she was who the "real" chassidishe girls went to, so I thought well of course that's who I should go to. She did a lot of damage to so many new marriages. But there are younger women teaching now, who have a different perspective, BH, and it's not always like that anymore.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

exactly @dev_kg, I think this is the experience for people- it’s all about how liberal the kallah teacher is that allows you to go into the marriage with a healthier sense of what to expect

[@user-fl2dv2su9w]

Dont think this is typical I satmar either

[@bernadettedevereaux8694]

As a secular woman, it is strange to imagine that up until marriage you have been taught to be modest and covered so that you don’t excite the sexual nature of men then you marry a stranger and are expected to let a man enter the most intimate parts of your body.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

This was a good conversation. I think Peggy is a very grounded person

[@kp8740]

Fascinating!

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

Just to make things clear. No 2 or 3 year old goes to the mikvah. Where she took that from, is anyone's guess. They start at bar mitzvah and if anyone takes their child b4, its the exception, not the rule. Please try not to spread falsehood.( I mean Peggy) And please verify before you go public with things. Thank you.

[@ccdmydd]

Not a lot but there are plenty of 11-12 year old's that go on erev shabbos to the MIkvah

[@CH-bb3zh]

Taking young boys to mikvah in the community that Peggy comes from is blatantly false. She absolutely knows this.

[@lindaversil1121]

@@ccdmyddyes. But she said little kids 3 and 4 yr olds

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

@ccdmydd 11 12 is not 2 or 3... ridiculous t even say that

[@MendyKlein]

​@@lindaversil1121 The age when people start taking their boys to mikvah varies, every dad makes their own decision

[@BunnyWatson-k1w]

What Peggy talks about regarding bad sex in marriage and the shame preventing getting help is a common thing in marriages outside of Hassidic Judaism. Many religious communities including Mormons, Catholics, Evangelical Christians, Muslims, Hindus, etc. have similar problems among married couples. Part of the problem is the stigma and shame surrounding sex. Then as a married couple they are expected to have no sexual trauma from that stigma they were raised with. I know the Unitarian Church has sex education classes for youth aged 12-19 where sex is seen as normal in marriage. The classes talk about a range of topics such as consent, love, respect, biology, birth control, pornography, sexual compatibility, and others.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

“ Part of the problem is the stigma and shame surrounding sex. Then as a married couple they are expected to have no sexual trauma from that stigma they were raised with” exactly

[@anonymous-io6zg]

Porn is degrading for anyone to watch. Its disgusting..absolutely disgusting. You dont enhance your life by it. Making love is not about the idiocy of porn. Its about a real deep emotional connection.

[@hisdaughter7814]

I totally agree….very true

[@fummytoysanddolls2460]

I truly feel like your work has nothing to do with being raised Hasidic. There will be people in every community in the world that lacks common sense. Intimacy is natural and humans have been enjoying it for centuries.. there are always a select few people who need extra help or coaching in every aspect of life including intimacy. It bothers me that it’s made out to be a “ Hasidic” orthodox thing.

[@Tryllvor]

intimacy is natural, but nowhere in nature is it surrounded with prohibitions, thousands of rules and intense shame. if a culture hides every trace of intimacy and forbids knowledge of it until the days before marriage then that culture has set up its members for failure and suffering. it is not at all unique to the hasidic community, but deflecting like that is whataboutism. btw nice victim blaming.

[@medicineman8054]

This lady is unable to articulate ideas well and what somatic experience is "where you store stuff and um..." If i did not have prior knowledge to somatic experience therapy I would have no clue what shes taling about. To give her credit she seem nervous being interviewed. However, even so she just seems shallow. Freida, you have done better this lacked depth and was boring.

[@karenavey2183]

I am quite saddened by this interview. I am also disturbed by the scant education this woman considers adequate.

[@nikkison973]

What do you mean?

[@karenavey2183]

The ‘therapist’ has no strong education or licensing in sex therapy - or therapy, for that matter. Her communication skills are lacking in English. I find her untrustworthy.

[@nikkison973]

​@karenavey2183 she isn't a therapist. She is a coach. She doesn't give therapy. She guides people who turn to her because of her knowledge and ability to relate to them , since she once was part of that world. Her accent is because her first language probably wasn't english.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

does she have to be everything and know everything in order to gently coach couples into talking about their sexual frustrations?

[@irenitele8497]

100% agree. I am horrified how she discusses things she has not educated herself on. Discussing sexual disfunction and advising the men to exercise or run, freely throwing out there what antidepressants do or don't do, giving advice to gay people to stay in a marriage if they have high libido they can "make it work"... and people put their trust in her... she should be more aware of what she does NOT know and go learn!

[@boropark12]

This guest was pleasant but lacked authority. Her views offered no therapeutic or moral insights, nor were they from a beneficial husband-wife perspective. Her approach was flawed, excessively focusing on sex, including explicit topics like blow jobs (prohibited in Jewish law) and promoting porn (a halachic violation). Considering Judaism's stance on birth control, yichud (private meetings between men and women), and other prohibitions, her actions are unacceptable. No reputable authority would condone this behavior. Your bravery in tackling the subject head-on was admirable. Verdict: Take it down.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

do you think her sessions are violation of yichud by definition? what if the door is open?

[@boropark12]

No. Unacceptable. particularly men's private meetings with her on explicit subjects, this is unacceptable. No reputable authority would condone such behavior. This is even self-understood. Anybody with half a brain what agree to this. Including you. So let's not play pretend and go pick around with his friend of yours. She's less than admirable and not that desirable in her theories.....​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

[@boropark12]

No. For the following reasons: A private meeting between men and her on explicit topics where we get aroused, Biblical law prohibits such interactions, hands down. She's openly promoting illicit behavior, defying rabbinic authority on every level. This is against halacha, plain and simple. Why give her a platform to make statements directly against rabbinic authority? What's the purpose of this podcast?

[@yf1954]

She's not dealing with Halacha and explicitly says so. She's simply helping helpless people that got married by our broken shidduch system

[@ElizabethBSoCal]

I notice the majority of the negative comments are from people using incognito mode. I find that to be quite interesting.

[@danielmcwilliams4058]

Well done❤

[@jimdeane3667]

Hi Frieda. At point 30:00, the current state of affairs for most is not talking and no bonding! To emphasize, that is ignoring the upper level covenant we have from Avraham and Sarah. And if I can refer to your related video reviewing the “Chassan and Kallah classes”, it doesn’t follow the model established for the Yichud Room after the marriage. Meaning, so lock the door. You are alone. Make each other comfortable. Have something to eat and drink. Talk to each other about how it was for them up to that point and do your best to reassure each other that they are wonderful. Put each other at ease. This is serving G-d with joy.

[@zavaughnkirkland5892]

If the wife feels confused or uneasy about having her breast groped, then the answer is for sure not more secular confusion. That's his opportunity to take it slow and share with her the holy wisdom שירי שלמה. That's all the foreplay you need in 8 chapters. I'm gonna say it clearly and frank. These kinds of women respect the role of the rabbi for intimacy issues as least as they respect him for Mesader Gittin. They're jealous of the American golden calf policy of "no fault divorce"

[@dianaendo1742]

I’ve always thought of a Mikva lady as clinical, just doing a job. Sort of like a doctor or nurse.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Yes! Exactly that was my experience.

[@Sara-Smart]

Same. The mikva lady is like my esthetian doing my full body laser etc. I do find mikva as a relaxing time. And so so exciting!

[@debrasternhagen6598]

Porn also creates insecurity in wives- is he making love to me or thinking about the lady in the movie or picture.

[@LiftingLena]

It can, but not always. This is why it is important to talk about your insecurities. If one realizes that this is a thought of theirs, then they need to communicate it with their partner. Perhaps not watching porn should be a solution. Perhaps he really isn’t and a discussion is needed to relieve insecurities. Perhaps another solution is in order. For instance, my partner and I like to write erotic stories for each other. Then you are imaging each other in the scenes. The main is to be open and honest about your insecurities.

[@morganm6531]

Cute-you're still in the 80s. Nowadays lots of women have problems addiction themselves

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I’m not a fan of porn but sadly we live in a society where many women have to accept that their men watch porn. so if they like it or not they often have to deal with the reality that they are being held against unrealistic standards. very sad

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I like this idea

[@charlottehyman8146]

Freida, you are wonderful.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

🥹🥹

[@tamarakonczal6350]

Human and universal. You are lovely.❤

[@jimdeane3667]

Hi again Frieda. At 55:30, you are broaching the subject of individuals with homosexual inclination. This is a much broader topic than can be contained in this message. But the first emphasis is to bear in mind what the Torah teaches generally. That G-d creates every aspect of existence, including those whose biological urge is toward homosexuality. People like this are not cursed or deviant, but only another variant in the spectrum of G-d’s creation. Just like any other person, they face their own unique tests from the Creator of us all and their challenges in life. For people like that, for Jews like that, they have to work out how they will resolve their connection to G-d’s first, general commandment to all living things. Namely that they are to conceive and bear children and reproduce the species and increase our diversity. That the reality is that physically, that is only possible through heterosexual relations. And to keep in perspective that individually, if they consider removing themselves from that mitzvah, they are not only cutting themselves off, but all the biological diversity of all the generations which led to and resulted in them. That each of them, individually, is a unique repository of the sum of all their ancestors. By cutting off that line, they are also cutting off all those who led to them. That is a tremendous loss, literally whole worlds. It is a belated addition that I add today, Thanksgiving Day 2024. I was watching again what I consider to be one of the better historical films about the early years of the United States. That film is Amistad, based upon an actual case dealing with slavery and the slave trade, that came before the United States Supreme Court. Two statements ring true today just as much as they did then. One purported to have been said by John Quincy Adam’s, was that like all Americans know, the independence of our courts is the best protection of our freedom. The other was when the slave defendant, Cinque, told John Quincy Adams that when he would stand with him to defend his demand for freedom, they would not stand alone. For Cinque would call to the souls of all his ancestors to come and stand with him in his defense and they would have to come. Because he was the reason that all of them had come before! It fills my heart with pride and my eyes with tears to hear these truths. And so, the best course of action is to find a way to preserve the treasure, the contribution that they hold.

[@themajestyofchassidus8770]

Wow. I haven’t got that far in the video yet. But that was one of the best reconciliations of same sex attraction and a Torah lifestyle I have ever heard.

[@zavaughnkirkland5892]

I was supporting her intentions up until this point, Jim. I don't think any parents would survive שׁוֹאה if they could know that in a century's time their descendant would become so pagan that homosexuality is able to stick in there subconsciousness and other secular Jews would at all tolerate such disorder. Next thing you know, we're gonna be making accommodations to the "unequal weights and measures community". There wasn't even a Yiddish word for homosexuality back then. Sadly enough, she is spiritually ignorant of how pornography is consequently possession of the adversary upon her ministry. Because reality is that sex is intimate🤌we are dumber than fools for trying to disagree with Hashem about it. Witnessing coitus for sexual gratification or trying to synthesize those feelings from others to ourselves is worse than David just fantasizing about Bathsheba as she bathes.

[@zavaughnkirkland5892]

I never want my daughter using the kind of pornographic language she is so accustomed to, like 🤐"blowjob". Fellatio is the correct and only terminology. What "job" lol? This is not a business obligation. If it were a job, you couldn't do it on Shabbat, Yah forbid. I bet she doesn't even know that sex is the holiest on Shabbat. Nobody is interested in "squirting" besides porn addicts and the apostles that you are training. You're manipulating the vagina to target the bladder by forcing it to constrict and empty itself. Ya know a real man says,☝️"if you want to try the squirts so bad you won't leave me alone about it, then if you use the bathroom on the bed and ruin my linen👀on lila shabbat, I'm sentencing you to 3 hours in the mikveh".

[@jillnurse]

How sad that young gay men are forced to marry, are unable to come out to their family. How very very sad.

[@jillnurse]

How sad that young gay men are forced to marry, are unable to come out to their family. How very very sad.😊

[@SUPPORTJUSTICE]

She is so wrong, im very very Chasidish, and they teach much more than you think. Typical ex-chosid.

[@CH-bb3zh]

Peggy is coming from a place of hate and anger.

[@teddizia751]

Like you said, if they are not attracted to each other, what happens then? My understanding is that divorce is not very accepted in this religion.

[@judenew7977]

As a non-jew, who is in the winter of her life, this describes my experience of growing up. Zero sex education or what takes place between a man and woman.

[@rachaelnead4629]

This is my favorite guest you have interviewed Frida. Peggy is a gem for any lucky enough to work with her.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you so much dear Rachael, always such a huge pleasure to hear from you

[@robincook4349]

This was really good

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

thank you for watching and your kindness

[@cb-ln5lc]

This is like a heart surgeon claiming everybody has heart problems j7st because the ones with the issues are the ones he sees in his office all day...

[@hi-kb3hb]

exactly, she only sees the ones who had to go through those experiences but they don't apply to everyone

[@user-fl2dv2su9w]

Love this analogy!

[@elise2914]

She actually acknowledged that there is selection bias to what she sees several times in the interview, as did Frieda.

[@betibup4532]

Dear Frieda...I can't believe that it is really reality in a community that is part of one of the most developed countries in the world. I am just speechless..😮

[@judenew7977]

Thank you for helping the non-jews understand the Hasidic life.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thanks for learning with me

[@megmckeon1854]

fantastic interview

[@rivkamargolis7368]

I'm about 2/3 in to this clip , what I feel is lacking is a discussion about building the couple's general communication and emotional intimacy because especially for women physical intimacy is connected to emotional intimacy....talking before and / or after physical relations doesn't have to be about the physical relationship but general "pillow talk" . What bothered me about this interview-Too much emphasis on mechanics rather than emotions. Another piont I wish to add the whole pornography discussion: It is forbidden to watch animals mating - קל וחומר - even more so other humans!!! It's one thing anonomical diagrams to explain mechanics another using films or pictures of others (outside the couple to arrouse) . Again this is too much emphasis on the act itself and "pleasure" and not enough on building a healthy trusting bond between the couple. This is against the Jewish outlook on marriage - that sex is part of a sacred bond between the couple and not simply ameans for individual pleasure. Not sure I'm expressing this effectively.

[@Dev_KG]

I think that's because the guest is not a trained therapist. She's teaching them how to do things, but she's not really prepared to help them work on real issues. As a chassidic woman, I find her work concerning.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

it’s very clear to me what you’re saying. as a feminist I think this type of discussion often (but not always) centers male perspective and desire. which is legitimate and important in a marriage, but only a piece of the marriage. I think it’s often good for couples to go to someone for guidance in sex but working on the intimacy that builds to healthier sex is a whole other thing. I think there’s room for Peggy’s work even if it just touches on the sexual piece or things

[@lanskandal1181]

I see that you're getting a lot of backlash from religious people about publishing this interview. As a 'secular culture freak' myself, I appreciate hearing her perspective on the problems in this community and I sense a lot of defensiveness from the religious commenters who are upset by what she has to say. I find the offhand comment about gay husbands who can't have sex with their wives concerning though. I'm not sure if she's going to expand on that later in the video, but I bet there are a lot of closeted LGBT people in the hasidic community and I hope she's able to refer them to resources that can support them rather than encouraging closeted people to repress their true feelings. Okay well it's nice that she knows that conversion therapy doesn't work. I know many people stay in mixed orientation marriages for a lot of reasons, but it does seem really difficult for LGBT people in this community.

[@id7484]

great interview, as usual! if you're still looking for people raised in high-control religious environments to interview (I think you posted in the community tab a while ago about this), I would love to listen to you in conversation with jenna miscavige. she's a scientology/sea org survivor with a great yt channel. would be a very interesting discussion, esp with the big differences in terms of the value (and lack thereof) placed on family/raising children.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I will look into her, thanks so much!

[@Sara123-kp9vv]

Frieda I love your content! Coming from an ultra orthodox woman, I can’t relate to the ills which Peggy is talking about. She seems to be very biased with her own trauma. We were taught about the beauty of modesty and that the ultimate goal Is to save our body for our husband. It’s frustrating to have someone speak for you and for it to be complete lies

[@motek1818]

@@Sara123-kp9vv I could not get a sense of what is and is not permitted in a Jewish religious marriage I was confused.

[@mmleit9318]

@friedavizelbrooklyn Hi Frieda your one of my favorite interviews on the chassidish community I feel like you want to get the truth out and you don’t have something against the chassidish community, I love the topics that you bring up especially this topic was really interesting. I just really wish you interview somebody who is a part of the community and didn’t leave the community. I felt like a lot of things that she was saying was the majority but the minority of the chassidish community, There’s so much beauty about the intimacy oh the Jewish people and the Hish community your i

[@mmleit9318]

Your interview with Perel was so beautiful and she was coming from a place of love Would you please redo this interview with somebody? Who’s coming from the community not who left the community

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

it’s super hard to get people to agree to be interviewed! that’s the issue!

[@mmleit9318]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn right I hear that

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I might have some leads after this - will see

[@shifralowen]

Thank you @FriedaVizelBrooklyn This was fascinating and refreshing This was and important conversation with such an openhearted approach. It feels healing to see this. And I’m sure it is incredibly helpful to many! (Even just feeling acknowledged and having their experience validated) Let alone for many who are finding out about @Peggy’s wonderful work and are able to change their marriage for the better thanks to this! It changes every one of their children’s lives too! It is beyond our imagination how far the positive impact can be

[@hi-kb3hb]

this bothers me so much because I grow up in the community and they are super open unlike what Peggy is saying, we literally have a subject in school on modesty and it goes all in. also, my parents do show physical affection. and about the periods, everyone learned about it

[@user-fl2dv2su9w]

100%

[@migili21]

Cut the crap you're not from the community talked about here..

[@SUPPORTJUSTICE]

@@migili21 Im from that community, Peggy is making up stuff, to look much more open minded.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

which community? I don’t know where there is sex ed in the community, I’ve never before heard this. how do parents show physical affection? never seen a Satmar Hasidic couple hug, kiss or hold hands in front of others. They do show other kinds of affection to each other for sure but not physical.

[@hi-kb3hb]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn right, so its not on sex ed but it explains the reasons behind tznius very much

[@SLICK-GLN]

This is like that older lady Dr Ruth that used to do sex counseling back in the 80s

[@whoissashaanyway9654]

The one I remember is Talk Sex with Sue. I think it was Oxygen network??

[@clairedavid5469]

Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Notable sex therapist, talk show host, academic, author. (Dr. Ruth) passed in July this year, 2024, at the age of 96. May her memory be for a blessing.

[@Dev_KG]

Dr. Ruth was an actual doctor. Peggy is not.

[@SLICK-GLN]

@Dev_KG is she a licensed counselor ? I didn't hear her or Freida say that.

[@clairedavid5469]

@@SLICK-GLN meh - Peggy stated she has a 'certificate.'

[@leahkohn2655]

Frieda I'm very disappointed with this interview. You have always conducted your videos with such class, and this was a real downgrade. Why do you feel the need to bring on an ex orthodox woman and spend majority of the conversation talking about the Jewish orthodox sex life? Its horrible. Would you discuss the sex life of any other groups? Theres no purpose to the video and no knowledge to gain. Left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and apparently many viewers feel the same way.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I’m sorry to hear you feel this way. I did think there’s value to talking about how sexually challenges arise from a specific lifestyle. I am comfortable criticizing the issues arising from the secular lifestyle (I have criticized pornography on several occasions, written about concerns of hypersexualization of youths, among other things) and I’m also comfortable talking about challenges that arise out of being covered up all life and so on. I felt that if people don’t like the topic, they should skip it; which is why I put a disclaimer. I know a lot of people think this shouldn’t be discussed publicly. I don’t feel the same way. I have a need to talk about things (within reason) and have always felt that carefully and thoughtfully having a discussion is valuable.

[@leahkohn2655]

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I think the issue is mainly with the person you chose to bring on to discuss the topic. I'm sure you understand why people are feeling this way. It's ok to talk about the topic, but there should have been more sensitivity from your end. In a world full of trash and filth, the orthodox community actually has an amazing way of preserving marriages where the spouses are faithful to one another. Things have changed alot over the past few years, and both of you are not living in the community for a while so it is coming from a biased point of view. Also the terms and words being thrown around were so explicit I don't think that was necessary. Frieda, you have an amazing platform, use it wisely. Best of luck

[@leahkohn2655]

@FriedaVizelBrooklyn also frieda do you really think her practice makes any sense when she clearly said that she has men coming to her without their wives knowledge? Here she is a coach, supposedly there to "help" people in their marriage, how exactly is she doing that by allowing a spouse to come on their own behind their wives back? You can clearly see she is not here to help couples, she gets a thrill out of using desperate, horny ppl as her guinea pigs and she gets to quench the rebellious streak in her. Also why is she only coaching frum ppl specifically hasidim mainly, when she is no longer in the community? Shouldn't she be able to expand into other communities as well? Again proving my point. She enjoys to bash and mock the hasidic community and this is her way of getting back at them, all in the name of "sex therapy". She is probably just a horny lonely woman and this unfortunately brings her pleasure.

[@amberatartimec2564]

​@FriedaVizelBrooklyn thank you for wanting to discuss

[@jonnieinbangkok]

I dunno know, men and women, Jewish and non-Jewish, have been figuring it out since we animals settled on sexual reproduction as the way to go about propagating ourselves. In fact, we've become so good at it there's almost 8 billion of us on the planet earth!

[@powderandpaint14]

But if you grow up in a religion where there is a huge amount of purity culture, a necessity to cover up and never undress Infront of anyone else and complete ignorance of their own bodies and that of the opposite sex it causes a lot of problems! Many people from these kinds of communities have real problems having sex at all, or are in marriages where the women never enjoy it and dread when their husbands want to do it.

[@believeitsonya]

I feel such a deep sadness and sorrow for these religions group. Their lives are really tough and full of sacrificing with a very little time and pleasure for themselves. I really admire their efforts and dedication to have as many children as the women can bear it. They all work very hard all their lives to provide and support their families and children. However they all need help to bring them up to date, if it’s possible and make their sex lifestyle more enjoyable and more meaningful with the pleasure to enjoy those creat moments of love.

[@Sara123-kp9vv]

I believe the innocence and the way we were sheltered while growing up is what makes my marriage and intimacy so special! Also I agree sex should be a topic of a discussion between a couple but, this way of saying “what is good” is making it sound like a performance- which is essentially pornography The point of sex is to become one flesh . Yes for sure we should explore and only do stuff that make both parties happy but don’t make it sound like the secular exposure creates a better marriage.

[@ericahouston4395]

If they know that women have a separate opening for pee, they're already ahead of many secular boys and men. lol. I was raised mormon, and I didn't even know that until I was pregnant with my oldest child.

[@yf1954]

The boys don't know that. The girls might.

[@yelnats61]

This is a very good interview. She seems like an excellent counselor. Consider reducing use of air quotes.

[@Sara-Smart]

Frieda how do you deal with all these hateful comments?? Does it effect your mood? And how do you take the time to respond to them all? I guess you wanna create conversation around the topics? I'm amazed

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I’m first of all feeling sad that people are so hard on Peggy who strikes me as truly heartfelt and trying to help. I feel that dismissing someone on account of their credentialing is so sad. We should evaluate a person based on what they say and offer. Many people with great training are not good at their work after all. I’m not dismissing the value of training, but I also think what credentials Peggy has shouldn’t be the basis on which her value is defined. I kind of expected heat from this one because it is quite the dark side of things. until now, I’ve always been careful to show the full picture, the good and bad, and this video is really skewed to the bad. So while it’s a shame that people are so upset with me (I got private messages as well) I’m grateful that they are engaging in dialog instead of screaming at me. All in all most people have voiced their disagreement fairly civilly and I’m grateful. That says: the comments section is an emotional roller coaster for me and it’s part of the job. Sometimes when I have a personal life priority I will just not he able to deal so I will not look at the comments for a bit. thanks for your very sweet question.

[@Sara-Smart]

Yea I was gonna say, have someone read the comments and summarize them for you so that you get the general feedback and you don't have to deal with the anxiety.

[@CH-bb3zh]

⁠I’m following Peggy for a really long time on instagram. She so doesn’t come across as heartfelt. Her replies are inauthentic. A way to bait clients and gain more exposure.

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

A lot of the comments in this section are not hateful. Although, people have not had an overwhelming positive response to this woman: I have found the skepticism to be healthy, kindly intentioned and discerning.

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

@@CH-bb3zh 💰 💰 💰

[@maril1379]

On your way to 100K

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

very slowly and steadily. thank you!!

[@Trump2024-m4n]

23:41 so on the spot any ideas for men who feel like that?

[@coolintentions7131]

I think the prewedding education needs to be more open and honest and educational. Not only the physiological but the emotional aspects.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I’m thinking of publishing a video of how it’s taught - maybe it’ll get a more nuanced discussion going

[@donnacarlin236]

How can I find your guest’s KZbin channel?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

she is only on instagram