The What If's and Not Yet's of Recovery

Nothing scares me more than the idea that I'd hurt my kids. Except maybe hurting my kids by not getting - and staying - sober.
I wanted to do a video like this to share with others how much resisting recovery hurts, and to "show" rather than tell how it looks to process the emotions. It's still scary to think of all the "not yets" and "what ifs".
It's also a great joy to have the ability and opportunity to imagine and not have to go there. To project the worst while living a sober life beyond my wildest dreams.
The "What If" playlist is right here: • The "Twins" Series
Where to find me:
/ kevinbarhydt
/ kevinbarhydtofficial
/ kevinbarhydtofficial
/ kevinbarhydt
A huge hug and thanks to my dear friend Michael Turner for giving me permission to use a clip of his short film “Lock 7” for this episode. It's one of my all time favorite experiences.
Short Film: Lock 7
Director: Michael Turner
Production Company: Media Hammock
Website: www.mediahammo...
Clip Used with permission by Michael Turner
Michael Turner on KZbin: / mediahammock
Watch the short film "Lock 7" here: • Lock 7 - The Short Fil...
#sober #soberlife #recovery #sobriety

[@KevinBarhydt]

Want to know where that little video clip dream sequence comes from? Check out Lock 7! - kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJvWhqido8yBers Thank you Michael Turner!!! kzbin.info Hey guys! Thank you so much for watching this episode about recovery! Much love to all, and hope you're keeping safe xxxxx Don't forget to Subscribe: kzbin.info/door/pcB8oqL-10LcGkGbn23fIA And if you want to see an amazing episode about my search for my bio-dad watch here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/np-Wnpt4dqp1rqs

[@cynthiacapone4476]

Powerful Kevin!

[@KevinBarhydt]

Thank you my friend.

[@pauldrisgula9178]

When you look back to pick a “best of” list, this should be in the top 10, top 5, top 3. Powerful. The section where you deal with your father being proud of you is both wrenching and sweet. The acting is grade A. It doesn’t feel like acting. The technical achievement of having a meaningful conversation with yourself is exceptional. Extraordinarily moving. This is quite an achievement of content, intent, presentation. Another level, no maybes about it. Bravo. Bravissimo! Bravo!

[@KevinBarhydt]

That means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

[@joewolfe5444]

What a fantastic concept..."what if".....you really nailed this. I have often thought...if only I could go back and warn myself of the dangerous waters I was about to dive into...If I could stop young joe, how different life would be....but I never ever considered talking to myslef like this! But to cionsider--what if I had not taken that second plunge into the refreshing clear waters of sobriety. I simply said "if I had not gotten sober I would be dead" and left it at that. I never really truly considered what actually life would be like. Your originality and conceptual creativitity has certainly matured here. Your acting ability is outstanding. The editing is amazing. The timing and delivery of this work is truly inspiring. This is art. Art with a message. A message with art. The way you interrupt yourself and interact had me actually thinking you had an identical twin with you in the room. You even looked slightly bloated. The truth behind this work is also quite stunning. The missed opportunity to get honest with yourself, the missed opportunity to allow sober thinking to have time in your head, the self centered and the self imposed suffering and the denial of consequences are all so well protrayed. At several points I teared up, at the frustration and longing that sober Kevin wanted to give but knew he could not give sobriety away, the knowledge that it is "Us". The patience and understanmding of sober Kevin, the frustration and hurt of sober Kevin. And then the frustration and denial of unrecovered kevin, the insistance that unrecovered Kevin was only hurting himslef, his search for truth, his pain, his suffering....I could go on. Both Kevins had me to tears. Your talent has grwon, I see a deeper and stronger committment in this viedo. The message is so well carried. I loved this. Thank You!!!!!!!!!

[@KevinBarhydt]

This means so much to me. I am encouraged, and that really is a huge gift you've given me. A few other peeps are calling this the "twins". I hadn't really thought about it but I think it's a fun way of describing it. For me it's all about the inner self, kind of like our good and bad angels on our shoulder. Thanks again my friend.

[@JamesHundtSr]

That was truly inspired, Kevin. And immensely powerful. 😭😭😭 Thank you for creating this video. 🙏🏻

[@KevinBarhydt]

I'd like to say it was my pleasure, but that would be the wrong word. It is my honor. Thanks for watching, and for all your support and encouragement.

[@aliciabratton3832]

"It doesn't feel right to be in the skin I'm in". I could never make the skin my soul abides in , be the right skin for any circumstance. Thank you, Kevin.

[@KevinBarhydt]

Thank you Alicia. Your words speak to me so clearly. That loss of belonging even in my own body confused me for so very long. And yet my soul is my own. And my body, even if it may never "feel" like my own skin, still deserves all the live and care that my soul can muster. I eat well. Bathe. Brush my teeth. Walk in the sun. Sleep and rest and meditate. And I keep breathing. And I smile. Thanks again for your comment, and taking the time to watch, and for all of your support and encouragement.

[@lisaexisa1]

All of these years, I knew you were an actor and this is the first time I have seen you in action. Wow, powerful!🙏🏻💞🌟

[@KevinBarhydt]

I so appreciate your comment. This is less about acting and more about modeling. What you see is just me processing out loud. I will admit that the editing does add additional benefits. But I'm not acting, it's just me being me. Thanks again. From the bottom of my heart thank you.

[@lisaexisa1]

Kevin Barhydt that makes sense. I didn’t think of it that way. There is a lot that goes on inside of us that others don’t see. I appreciate your modeling and clarification in ways words cannot express. Blessings always!🙏🏻💞🌟

[@mikeb9654]

That was really good stuff kev

[@KevinBarhydt]

Thanks Mike. You know I love ya. Thinking about you. Be well brother 😉

[@kimdurkee7117]

No words Kevin...this is amazing work..the message intense...definitely hit my core..again..our " reconnection " is unconventional..I truly am so very proud of you..your bravery...your humility...your person. Always in your corner. 💖

[@KevinBarhydt]

Having you in my corner means the world to me. I appreciate your words so much and I thank you for your kindness and generosity. I've spent a lot of the last year or two realizing that in all that I do I want to be kind, and thinking about it now after reading your note I realize that it's important to surround myself with people that share that same ambition, and you do that. Your kindness moves me to become more kind, generous and giving to others. Everyday I seem to realize more and more how important it is to grow in community. I'm very grateful you and I are in this community.

[@chayton1001]

So incredibly powerful Kevin! Thanks for your brutal honesty and all you do for the adoptee and recovery communities. I appreciate you!! - Myshadyroots

[@KevinBarhydt]

Right back at you. We are all contributing to this wonderful and powerful community. Thanks so much for your support and encouragement 🤗

[@MichaelWTurner]

That was deep and will certainly speak to many people. Well done.

[@KevinBarhydt]

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, and for being the best director I've ever had the joy of working in a film with.

[@jimhetland9724]

Powerful stuff, Kevin. Starts out like a gimmick, but it works, and it got me. Some tears. Proud of you, brother; this is brave, honest and, I'd bet, and hope, helpful to someone. You know I have a problem with the God loves me part, but I took the liberty of translating it: I *can* be loved. I *am* loved. I can love myself.

[@KevinBarhydt]

Now you made me cry. Yes, indeed. It's true. I love you.

[@thomaslukacs64]

So powerful and moving. Well done Kevin 👍👍!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@KevinBarhydt]

Thank you my friend.

[@damiencorsetti325]

I felt as if I was invited into your life on a level that like no other. I know Kevin in Recovery, but never met the other Kevin until now. It was deeply moving, frightening, and spiritually uplifting. Poetic! 5 Stars my friend! Thank you!

[@KevinBarhydt]

5 stars! From your fingertips to God's ears! Thanks so much ❤️

[@joewolfe5444]

PS---the cut back to "Lock 7" was also a nice re- use of old footage. I remember that short too, quite moving.

[@KevinBarhydt]

One of my favorite films ever.

[@RemmyMeggs]

I do not drink and never have, so I don't understand. Forgive me.

[@KevinBarhydt]

Yes, and I'm so grateful for your time. If only people who understand watch that's self defeating. When you watch you may not fully understand, but it opens the window to understanding in the future. It's the same with any affliction, including mental illness. If only those who suffer watch we limit ourselves to others experiences. Again, thank you for your time, support and encouragement.

[@melissar.hamptonplymale]

Very powerful!! I want to tell your addict self....God definitely loves you!!! No matter your situation, God always loves you!!! Jesus loves you. Who did Christ hang out with? Troubled people, drunkards, prostitutes....he LOVED them all!!! 🙏❤

[@KevinBarhydt]

💯 thanks for your support and encouragement!