The Worst Line in the History of Cinema | Video Essay

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There are lots of bad lines and bad movies out there. But how many destroy reality? Join me as we take a look at Fantastic Beasts and discover how this J. K. Rowling joint not only unravels all of the Harry Potter/Wizarding World universe, but also our own conceptions of modern western civilization. I promise this will all make sense in the video.
...probably
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00:00 Intro
02:31 Part 1: What
21:42 Part 2: So What
45:12 Part 3: J.K. Rowling is NOT a God
56:29 Part 4: Conclusion

[@friendlycatwife]

Hey everyone! I’m going to be doing a livestream on this video in a week or so. Let me know if there are any questions you’d like me to answer or topics you’d like me to discuss. Or you could just ask me my favorite color. I’m easy 😝

[@porygonlover322]

whsat is the best land before time movie

[@friendlycatwife]

@@porygonlover322 first one. It’s not even close.

[@dun0790]

​@@friendlycatwifesadly true lol and they made a lot of sequel's 😅

[@friendlycatwife]

@@dun0790 I used to have a podcast where we watched all of them. Hell of a trip lol

[@Kamenriderdecade105]

Any update on the Airbud Podcast so far?

[@The_AGL_Group]

I always love a cathartic dose of "the Wizarding World is a horrible place and makes no sense"

[@intrepidabsurdist]

Me too!!!

[@urahara64360]

It's almost as if the book is for children who don't have the ability to critically analyze world building.

[@intrepidabsurdist]

@@urahara64360 it’s almost like you underestimate children and what they can and can’t do.

[@urahara64360]

@intrepidabsurdist not really but the best examples are never the ones people talk about. Like animorphs or Don Bluth movies where the dark themes and harsh stories live in ways that children can process. Harry Potter is a world of stuff put on top of each other as it went.

[@ethancox9737]

@@intrepidabsurdist I guess some of the worldbuilding is kind of dumb, but I don't think most of it would look THAT bad to children.

[@Readingeye]

The wizarding world holds up to scrutiny exclusively in the mind of someone who has never had to think about where their white bread comes from.

[@friendlycatwife]

👏👏👏

[@albertonishiyama1980]

JK: "You cant multiply food, it will rotten faster" The Weasleys: I'm sorry, do you have any idea how much food we would need to feed A DOZEN PEOPLE per month? Do you think after one meal of like 50kg of food we would have leftovers to rot?

[@ethancox9737]

What do you mean?

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

@@albertonishiyama1980 no no, it's actually "you can't magically create food. Like, at all. It's just impossible". Please don't think about the fact that you can turn objects into animals, thus technically magically creating something edible and thus food.

[@albertonishiyama1980]

@@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit you cant create, but you can multiply (dont ask me the difference, I dont know either, ask JK), but if you multiply it "rot faster"... whatever that means. Hermione use this a couple times on the last book everytime they're low on food, and JK puts this weird dictomy of "several full meals but the food will last a week or a month of really poor feeding" that works on the context but would mean that people could buy a handful of grains per month and feed on multiplying it.

[@RLane-xz5cj]

The other (worse) implication of her having arrested half of the people in the bar, while those people are out and about, is that they were wrongfully arrested and released very briefly after.

[@crypticmrchimes]

The ONLY thing that would make sense is if she was part of a speakeasy raid where a bunch of people were arrested but the potential clogging of the judiciary caused judges to let most of them off on light fines in order to focus on more important cases. It was a common practice during the prohibition period but it just opens up more questions that the creator didn’t give enough of a shite to work on…

[@phangkuanhoong7967]

Lesson in worldbuilding: figure out how the people grow/get their food, and who's in charge of distributing the food to everyone. that's your political and economic system.

[@SpoopySquid]

Henry Explosionman: [heavy breathing]

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

Or, do none of that, and instead create a nonsense currency without any logic and incredibly inconsistent conversion rates.

[@WolfRaven119]

Yes! My characters walk a lot, and they see fields! Rice paddies! Orchards! They then eat that food the way the locals prepare it.

[@Jane-oz7pp]

Many of my stories are set in worlds where they never decided to start doing industrial agriculture, or even monocrop agriculture so it's mostly just forage and hunting. Or set where there are few signs of people, so still forage and hunting. Or I am working on a new setting where I'm currently agonising over how much needs to be farmland to make sense for a well populated empire ._.

[@helenanilsson5666]

Not even just worldbuilding. Regardless of what kind of setting you're using, even if it's a totally regular, non-magical modern world, ask yourself how your characters are getting their basic needs met. How are they getting food and shelter? Do they need to pay/barter for these things? How do they afford that? These things doesn't necessary have to actually come up in your story, but it's something to keep in the back of your mind in order to not fall into a plothole the size of Texas at a later point.

[@packman2321]

This is a bit of a tangent. But I largely assume the wizarding world operates as a hidden aristocracy within the wider British culture. Classism is the only way I can account for wizard's seemingly intentional ignorance of basic facts of muggle life, despite most of them living in direct contact with them (since Hogsmeade is the only fully wizard town in England). This means my assumption for where they get the food is largely 'stealing it from the Muggles then pretending that it's the Muggles fault'.

[@friendlycatwife]

I love this theory!

[@nicholasmolberg1043]

So the Malfoy and Weasley families would have mundane properties on record, or have simply been assumed by mundane genealogists to have quietly died out?

[@thespanishinquisition4078]

There were so many ways to fix this rowling could've used. And hilariously. SHE JUST CHOSE NONE OF THEM. I mean really. There's so many points in history where scholars were completely detached from regular society. Either due to hyperspecialization, or outright isolation. (See early middle ages scholars who were literally isolated by living in monasteries. Or the industrial revolution's ivy leage which technically lived in the city but in boroughs detached from the common folk and so hyperspecialized and focused on their own thing they literally didn't know how to function as a commoner. Or say the early muslim system where scholars were literally locked in their master's palaces in what can only be compared to a harem (except instead of sexy ladies for breeding its old dudes for telling you how to do your god damned job) and couldn't get out without express permission. Basing the magical system, for example, on early humanist universities where a part of the alumni were more down to earth but the more common noble ones were fairly detached due, to, well being literal medieval nobility, would make perfect sense. But no Rowling just.... didn't actually answer the god damned question. UGH

[@rosevalety3408]

@@thespanishinquisition4078 Because I think Harry Potter is in fact, a big power fantasy, and she didn't want to think it through to make it plausible. The wizarding world isn't as interesting, the power fantasy isn't as powerful if you don't imagine yourself at the top of society. It's a 'Royals' kind of story : commoner in a boring/abusing life turns out to be the Chosen one, is now rich, talented like no one is, make friends that will never betray them against all the bad guys who want to bring them back to reality. They are the ONE. And if suddenly the system they've been thriving upon is in fact, a dystopic one, abusing slaves and minorities (like the conscious magical creatures), they you don't feel good anymore. You feel guilty. Harry felt good about money because Ron was poor. Harry felt good to be a wizard because people looked at him and were impressed by him, they were scared of his power. He was strong, above everyone, backed up by the most powerful and respected people, untouchable. That's all that mattered and it worked as a story, but not as a Universe.

[@Spamhard]

@@rosevalety3408 I think this is a big part of it. As a one off book, maybe 2 or 3 at a stretch where Harry stayed in his early teens, the story could have stood well enough as a child's fantasty. Harry, as an 11 year old kid, isn't likely to be thinking of the inherent injustices of centaurs and goblins, so he still works as a starry eyed stand in for a young audience who just wanna be in a cool mnagic school. But trying to bring that child fantasy of "what if I was suddenly rich and famous and could do cool magic?!" just doesn't really translate as well into adulthood without then thinking "but what about literally everyone else, and the systems that got me there?" It COULD have gone some really interesting places if it had explored Harry's feelings as he spotted injustices and flaws as he got older, but... there just wasn't much of that at all. I guess because JKR is a centrist writing centrist ideals, and so Harry is that too.

[@seekingabsolution1907]

11:03 well the fact that they enforced wizard secrecy in the face of the age of colonialism, thus preventing any indigenous wizards from resisting the genocides and enslavement of their people. I would say yes, harry potter wizards supported european colonialism and this has never been addressed.

[@friendlycatwife]

The Brazilian magic school has a Portuguese name after all 🙄

[@angelsander6178]

I mean, how else does a black wizard end up with a name like "Shacklebolt"?

[@bareakon]

Everyone always forgets Harry is a slave owner at the end of the books. (But I guess it's okay because he's nice to his slave idk) And the only character who is explicitly against slavery gets belittled for it, both by other characters and the story itself. So yeah long story short, I can see colonialism not being a big deal in the wizarding world.

[@ethancox9737]

Yeah, JKR really should have just kept the story in Europe.

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

@@bareakon don't forget the human supremacist imagery that is ever present in the ministry. They literally have a fountain that is supposed to show the "superiority" of wizards over other sapient magical species and laws that essentially turn them into second-class citizens. None of this ever gets addressed (defeating Voldemort just prevented this to be expanded onto less "pure" wizards).

[@kestreldomann2787]

16:47 the real question is if they're magical then why didn't they just magic their piss and shit out of their bodies before they even had to go on the floor like why put the middle man in there just vanish it out of you colon and call it a day

[@friendlycatwife]

Perfect comment no notes 💯

[@paulinekliarkina1615]

I think the apple strudel scene could have been really good had it been inverted. If Queenie got to taste something that Jacob baked and realised that it tastes absolutely marvelous because it was actually made by human hands, because Jacob put his heart and soul into it

[@friendlycatwife]

THIS!

[@AshaCrone]

That's one of the things that can't ever happen in a wizarding world story though, and it sucks- nothing human/muggle made can compare to wizards. But now I want to write that AU

[@YouveBeenMegged]

Y’know, that’d be an interesting idea of the difference between muggles and wizards. Wizards can externalize their, idk, soul energy I guess, and that allows them to do magic in the way we see. Muggles, on the other hand, _internalize_ their soul energy, and it instead comes through in the things they do and create (maybe have it manifest _through_ the work put into it). Magic-made stuff ends up being sort of hollow in comparison, because the soul energy is literally detached, with no real thought behind it. Wizards, as a result, tend to come off as colder, which would explain why damn near everyone in Harry Potter is a prick. But _noooooo,_ magic must always be superior.

[@keriannekerr1876]

​​@@YouveBeenMeggedI love this idea and want to steal it if I ever write a magic system. I've only ever thought of the questions of the treatment of Squibs and how that reflects the contradictions in the worldview of magic superiority. Squibs are essentially the wizarding world's equivalent of being (magically) disabled. Therefore, it would make sense then that house elves are the equivalent to a trained service animal since one can't function in the wizarding world without magic. Yet one also has a constant cohort of under 11 year olds who would need someone with magic to help them with something as basic as preparing food to eat or using the bathroom. Overall, this over-dependance on magic has to be some type of concern for purebloods. Their children are helpless for 11 years if the family doesn't use muggle-based systems, so they need magical service creatures, but then they become increasingly dependent on the service creatures while forgetting why the creatures are necessary to keep their vulnerable able to move around their society. Then their child turns 11 and has yet to manifest magic which reminds the purebloods that they actually need non-magical accommodations for some of their population. However why invent non-magical accommodations when most of the world outside their social bubbles are suited for the wider non-magical population. To do so would be inciting non-magical means into their dwindling magical world. Squibs therefore remind them of their precarious place in a world where they are actually a minority group outside of their protected zones. I don't know if I made sense in how I explained my thought. I started thinking of how Quebec protects their French language rights while living in a predominantly English country while there are native languages in Canada that don't have those same protection rights. (Unless elementary and/or secondary schools have started to offer native language classes in recent years.)

[@MovieEggman]

Rowling reminded me that Book Author and Screenwriter are two completely different professions.

[@oneinathousand2156]

Not everyone can be William Goldman.

[@l4cunaz]

both of which she fucked up

[@5050clown]

if only she had reminded herself.

[@christiegreenwood2642]

She's shitty at both.

[@ot7biasedmashups]

​@@l4cunazong bruh she failed at the most important thing, world building. Not to mention her character work is.... Mediocre at best

[@JadeCryptOfWonders]

The more I think about how broken the hiding magic from Muggles plot the more I respect Pacific Rim for being like “kaiju are a real thing in this world and everybody knows it”. I’m so sick of stories that hide the supernatural element from normies. Get it out in the open, even Ghostbusters knew this!

[@dinosaysrawr]

I've also become a fan of media where magical or supernatural beings just live alongside humans with no fuss.

[@merbst]

Damn normies, but don't lie to them.

[@DavidRYates-tk2tq]

Idk, it kind of works in the SCP Foundation, at least.

[@josephgibson5902]

Well Pacific Rim the franchise does have some overall issues, such as Kaiju Blue 1 being proven not to have its base attribute of acidity at the end of the first film (enabling Ron Perlman to be a significant figure in the expanded material between films, which allows Jake Pentecost to be in the state we find him in in the second film) and 2 actually being explosive rocket fuel in the second film (rendering every single fight scene that didn't use the chainsword or other melee instruments impossible). Most of the issues come about in the second film (similar to how Crimes of Grindelwald abandons the premises of "let's hide our actions from the Muggles" and "Obscuruses are actually really dangerous"), but the portal needing kaiju DNA to open but letting Raleigh back in the first film is pretty bad. Also, while it emphasizes scale, and heaviness in the movement of the monsters for the most part, Otachi jump scaring Gipsy through a building and suffering no damage (Otachi being the only Kaiju light enough to fly yet being cartoonishly durable) breaks that paradigm moreso than Gipsy Avenger's fights with Obsidian Fury did (of course Uprising still manages to screw it up worse with the final fight, but my point is that part of the world building was always screwed up). That's one of the reasons I would push back on this video saying that FB is unique for being a bad story with an impossible world. I think the vast majority of bad movies in popular discourse have inconsistent worlds. For every Doc Ock tentacle blade in Spider-Man 2, you have people fully willing to sell and deliver the parts for his fusion reactor in return for the disappearing money bags and the changing rules for whether or not Doc Ock makes impact tremors. In TLJ, you have Jake Skywalker as well as the Holdo maneuver. Someone who does not understand the story they are telling regards to the characters and plot is not going to understand the world. I would say that I think Grimm put a good deal of legwork into its Wesen secrecy down to even using a good deal of season 5 to deconstruct how that leads to the status quo of "good and bad Wesen" as well as how it leads to the radicalization in that present arc of the show. The show probably suffers in terms of reconstruction since the system that led to those circumstances isn't repealed, probably because the show was canceled and had to wrap up its other plotlines, but Nick at least had to undo his part of a century's old blood feud during the course of the show

[@haileyshannon7548]

I would of loved to have seen more stories along the lines of Bewitched or Bell, Book, and Candle, where wizards/witches and humans do co-exist.

[@felixflax19]

Forcing someone to be something they’re not has disastrous consequences - the only good theme in Fantastic Beasts, and J. K. Rowling didn’t even really believe in it

[@ethancox9737]

I haven't seen this movie from beginning to end, how is that a theme in Fantastic Beasts?

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

@@ethancox9737 that one orphan guy that gets abused because he's a wizard and thus turns into evil black dust monster thing, because magic.

[@mrptr9013]

​​@@ethancox9737forcing magic children to supress their magic transforms them into oscuras, walking magic bombs basically.

[@konradkinne4089]

@@ethancox9737 an obscurus forms within magical children that try to actively repress their magic, an example being Credence who, since he was raised in an anti-witch cult, obviously didn't want to show his magic. This repressed magic then beginns to fester, essentially turning into a tumor that at some point violently lashes out, killing the host and causing massive destruction. An obscurus is the direct result of someone not being able/allowed to live as the person they truly are, and it is a pretty objecively bad thing. So the movie is essentially saying "don't force people to live in a way that goes against who they truly are as a person, otherwise it will inevitably end in a tragedy for everyone involved"

[@helixsol7171]

​@@ethancox9737 A xenophobic Muggle mother tries to force her magical son to be normal, which causes him to turn into a violent and deadly cloud manifestation of rage.

[@nianolan107]

My favorite wizard fact is the all the wizard in schools with the exception of hogwarts have like a history based on a google search it’s actually hilarious that she’s so lazy

[@albertonishiyama1980]

My favorite one is that half of the schools out of Europe are extremelly linked with war crimes, colonialism and cultural termoil. And I bet she didnt know about it because she just shot the "Brazil talks Portuguese, and Japan is a huge economy, sure there's no way that those funny trivia could become an huge problem if I research about it in anywhere other than this Buzzfeed three paragraph post".

[@ethancox9737]

@@albertonishiyama1980 What does Japan's huge economy have to do with this?

[@albertonishiyama1980]

@@ethancox9737 less the economy and more the "if JK had looked at what Asia as an whole thinks about japan she wouldnt have taken it, but she clearly only Googled 'what is the biggest economies in Asia' and didnt like the first option so run to the 2nd".

[@ethancox9737]

@@albertonishiyama1980 Oh, got it. Did she put any wizard schools in other Asian countries?

[@albertonishiyama1980]

@@ethancox9737 not really, the next option is an Russian school that doesnt have an geographic place linked to it (so can be as far as literally Europe) and has a massive cultural difference. South America also only has one school, in Brazil, made by Portuguese Conquistadores. She keeps saying that "there's no problem here, people still learning the native magic"... but... literally everything is portuguese inspired. The North American one... is weird. Even more disrespectful than Twilight's werewolves, while claiming to be "super interested and respectful to them".

[@bronzeecho]

“stuff just kind of happens to move the story along, not because it’s a good way to carry out the law” do you know about the magic deer that makes you the wizard president of the entire world? and that you can just replace this deer with an evil one who will choose an evil wizard president of the entire world

[@friendlycatwife]

I can't believe she thought of a worse sorting hat XD

[@daelen.cclark]

Don’t underestimate the magic deer!

[@ethancox9737]

Wait, when was that introduced?!

[@ShadowsAndScience]

@@ethancox9737 That was the main plot of Fantastic Beasts 3

[@ethancox9737]

@@ShadowsAndScience Whoa, got it. I haven't watched either of the sequels.

[@sammyauroraloves]

The point that the Wizarding World was never built to make sense outside of Hogwarts is a brilliant one and I'm shocked I never thought of it before lol. This was a great video! 💖

[@friendlycatwife]

Thanks hun!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@DTHains]

I remember reading once that there are two kinds of worldbuilding: Some writers will create stories to serve the worldbuilding, and other writers will create worldbuilding to serve the story. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings universe is the iconic example of stories meant to serve the worldbuilding. It's vast and deep, and the individual books are meant to enhance the greater whole of the lore. Harry Potter falls on the other end of the spectrum, where the worldbuilding only exists to serve the story. It's not a bad way of writing, and it's very common in books intended for younger readers. But the problem comes when Rowling removed the worldbuilding of Harry Potter from the context of the books and retroactively tried to change it from shallow to deep.

[@Alknix]

It's still too generous. The Wizarding World was never built to make sense outside of Harry Potter personally.

[@Rihcterwilker]

I think "Somehow, Palpatine returned" still wins the title of -worst line of all time-

[@genyakozlov1316]

No it doesn't. Say one more bad thing about Rise of Skywalker in front of me and I swear I will come out of your screen and give you a stern talking to. But seriously, you have to be a complete modern discourse obsessed dumbbell, to think that's even a bad line let alone a worst one. Art is subjective anyways, so I won't say what I wanted about the Room or Birdemic and instead I'll say that no line can be bad because a movie can't be bad. But in my subjective opinion Rise of Skywalker is a really great movie.

[@Grf1556]

Pretty much anything that came out of Anakin’s mouth in eps 2 & 3 is infinitely worse.

[@Grf1556]

Particularly “I wish I could just wish way my feelings”.

[@Rihcterwilker]

@@Grf1556 i see a difference where the directing and some of the acting of the prequels was bad, but the text itself was fine. It had meaning behind it, even the corny Anakin's lines about sand. Lucas tried to make it sound "poetic". The sequels just have random sentences thrown together, most of them devoid of meaning or reason to be said, as there is no coherence or plausible continuity between the scripts of the trilogy. Even calling it a trilogy is a reach on my part. They're more like three independent movies, that happen to be forced to try and continue from the last one.

[@raccoonja5905]

I mean that line is stupid, but it makes sense in context that the characters don't know how Palpatine returned. Sure something like "We don't know how Palpatine could have returned" would have sounded better, but "I've arrested half of the people in here" is worse.

[@blutygar]

So to sum up, basically it's the work of a person who's world view is very limited and not curious enough to explore her concepts outside of her comfort zone or supposed hard rules in the life she leads.

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

And a mindset of protecting the status quo being the most important thing anyone can do, with the most revolutionary thing you can do is be a good slave owner instead of a bad slave owner.

[@AnnekeOosterink]

It's basically "The system is good actually, and nothing need ever change, just make sure good people are the leaders instead of the bad people! Let's not examine the system that allows bad people to get to the position of leadership very easily!"

[@doctorelfinstone1414]

While it wouldn’t have done anything to fix the *significant* world building issues inherent in the wizarding world, Fantastic Beasts could’ve at least been a passably fun movie if it had been a love letter/sendup of classic 1930s screwball comedies; which would’ve fit with both the absurd premise and (sort of) its time period. This approach wouldn’t necessarily have resulted in even a good movie, but it would have given it some distinct personality at least. Like, dump about 95% of the socio-political intrigue, leave the ganster stuff, and have a Some Like it Hot-ish plot where Newt unwittingly intercepts idk the magical mafia smuggling these critters, and becomes embroiled in a madcap series of wacky shenanigans and misunderstandings as he and his ragtag pals try to hunt down these creatures, all the while evading notice by muggles and the wizard cops and/or gangsters.

[@friendlycatwife]

now see that sounds fun as heck!

[@YouveBeenMegged]

I’d watch the hell out of that. And hey, then it really _is_ “Fantastic Beasts *and Where to Find Them”!*

[@AnnekeOosterink]

Or just make it actually about the animals. Have Newt futz around in his suitcase and encounter all kinds of magical animals. If you really want more plot you can add in a rare creature that he wants to find, or make him want to help/cure an ill animal, or poachers that he fights, or have him trying to find a plot of land to keep all his magical creatures on, or opposition to his animal sanctuary that he wants to build by surrounding wizards who don't want a magical zoo lowering their property values, and then they learn a valuable lesson about love and helping animals or something.

[@johnvinals7423]

Everything in the Wizarding World is really just there because it’s a thing everyone “knows” was a thing in the 1920s New York, not because the Queen Author thought about how Magic would affect the development of society or because it enhances the themes and ideas of this series.

[@friendlycatwife]

Fun Fact: I originally had a paragraph at the end of this where I say the speakeasy exists because you can’t NOT have a magic speakeasy in a movie about magic 1920s New York, but it hurt the pacing so I ended up cutting it 😅

[@johnvinals7423]

@@friendlycatwife And contrast this with like, Middle Earth or the Four Nations or Amestris or Lyra’s World or Westeros or Amphibia or the Boiling Isles or Virtudom on Edin or the Nine Houses of Dominicus, all of which are definitely dripping in aesthetic trappings that their respective authors love and adore but are still well-thought-out and fully developed worlds.

[@friendlycatwife]

@@johnvinals7423 I feel like lore is both overrated and underrated at the same time. A lot of stories can get bogged down so much by their world building that they forget to put in interesting characters or a compelling story. At the same time, you gotta have a reason for us to care about your make believe place. Like, if fantasyland is going to be destroyed, we should like fantasyland and not want to see it destroy. I do think people can go on a power trip with it. I was going to compare Rowling with the Black Mirror episode USS Callister, but i was already struggling to get this finished that I ended up not including it. Would maybe be an interesting companion short video essay though!

[@Mario_Angel_Medina]

In a review of the Italian fanfilm about the origin of Voldemort the reviewer commented that is kind of implausible that the Russian wizard goverment in the 70s would be a Communist regime just like in the muggle goverment but by saying that Newt served in World War I by handling dragons this movie is implying that no political change occurs in the Harry Potter world without the help or at least approval of the Wizard goverments. So yeah, Russia probably had wizard communists and wizard royalists fighting in secret or aiding their respective factions, the Ministry of Mag8c probably had to fight wizard IRA during The Troubles, the MACUSA probably had to send wizards to Vietnam in the 70s to protect the American troops from Viet Cong sorcerers (or maybe they didn't and that's why the U.S. lost)... the implications are quite bleak

[@josephdavis9234]

Hello, fellow Dominic Noble fan.

[@Mario_Angel_Medina]

@@josephdavis9234 thank goodness I was remembering correctly. I didn't want to say "Dominic Noble once said" and then proceed to quote MrSundayMovies or some other youtuber that also talked about it

[@airplanes_aren.t_real]

So they are like super illuminaty but stupid?

[@Mario_Angel_Medina]

@@airplanes_aren.t_real that's pretty much the unintentional implication, yes

[@airplanes_aren.t_real]

@@Mario_Angel_Medina well it is in character for jk to have unrealistic/contradictory/stupid world views so it makes sense that would effect her work

[@B-MC]

"When does sauce become soup?" 😂😂 One minute they'll say "stories are so much better when they're dark and gritty and mature and take things seriously. Not like those dumb movies for kids" Then they'll say "why are you overthinking it so much? It's just a dumb magic movie for kids." It's funny how the author WANTS it to be taken seriously when HP of all things functions best on a lack of logic.

[@ethancox9737]

You really think that?

[@genericname2747]

@@ethancox9737 Wizards poop themselves.

[@helenanilsson5666]

I've said it before and I'll probably say it for the rest of my life, the Harry Potter series would have been so much better in retrospect if it had stayed in the 7-13 age demographic and focused on a new batch of first year students every book, with the characters from previous books showing up in the background later. The foundation of the series is the first book, and the first book is built on the kind of logic that works very well in a book for children. Trying to age up the narrative together with the cast broke the internal logic of the Harry Potter world and makes everything weirdly dystopian.

[@genericname2747]

@helenanilsson5666 Yeah. For example, a ghost haunting a bathroom is silly. But when you want us to take the story seriously, a dead kid being made fun of for being depressed I'd just cruel.

[@B-MC]

@@genericname2747 honestly I think she could have gotten away with the wizarding world just being a wacky English place, even if you take the war stuff seriously. It's when J.K. so desperately wants to expand it to be cultural across the globe but is completely clueless (and uninterested in learning or being considerate) about such things. Like I know I'm pretty ignorant about history and geography and what not, but I know enough not to set my wizard war in real world politics and say the evil guy is gay, their only intimate moment with their love was a blood pact, and they're completely on board with enslaving an entire species.

[@nicholasmolberg1043]

The wand permit thing seems like a tacit recognition of the potential danger of a stick of wood in the hands of a wizard. And then it bypasses all nuance around gun control, the thing it parallels in the USA, and fails to make sense in the setting. A wizard deprived of their wand is near impotent, so it’s less like seizing a firearm and more like taking away someone citizenship.

[@velvaetalt]

8:37 the missed opportunity to say spell-catraz is tragic

[@friendlycatwife]

FUDGE! 😭

[@angelikaskoroszyn8495]

HP universe is constantly asking questions which should stay in fandom. The world building is not very well-thought because it shouldn't have to be. The first HP stories were a mixture of a power fantasy and mystery. All set in one location during one year. You don't need a complex political system for it Then the story matured. We got glimpse into actual politics and inter racial (inter species?) tensions, a little bit of muggle history gets included. We're forced to ask the kind of questions Rowling is not ready to answer. Like what was the ideology of death eaters. Classism, blood supremacy? A mixture of those two? We need more than "they're evil because they're killing people because they're evil". Where does this ideology come from? What did wizards do during WWII when a very similar ideology was popular among muggles

[@Mario_Angel_Medina]

49:31 "duplicated food rottens faster" sounds like it should put a limit on how many times you can duplicate a food item. I would imagine after a duplicating an apple hundreds of times a wizard should get an apple that rots so fast its already rotten when appeared... that's just one of the many ideas you can put on your own Wizard School book that I encourage everybody to write instead of giving more money to JK Rowling... I mean, it worked for Cassandra Clare, why wouldn't work for more people?

[@natyfop]

I'm in favor of someone writing fanfic that's basically "harry potter, but good", then publishing it and replacing harry potter forever, just to spite Rowling

[@Spamhard]

Or perhaps do it in the way other magic fandoms do (witcher springs to mind, and tbh most of d&d's concept of reagents), where casting that magic requires energy from SOMETHING. So if you duplicate from an apple, that original apple with lose some of it's 'energy', you are essentially taking lifeforce from apple to make 2 apples, leaving BOTH apples to be half as good. Keep duplicating and the original apple will become rotten or a shrivelled after a few more attempts. That way you CAN duplicate, but it kinda makes both the original and the duplicate kinda mid. Do you want one good apple, two meh apples, or 4 bad apples? Tbh I think a lot of issues in JKR's world would have been solved if she thought for 5 seconds about where the magic comes from and how it works. If her system had a cause and effect, and based around energy, it sure would solve a lot of the stupidness. Aka "if a magic exists that just hurts and kills people, what's stopping most people from using it?", the answer shouldn't be her centrist bullshit of "oh well some people are EVIL, but the good people? they'd never use it because they're good, and if they do use it, it's for GOOOD!". The answer should be "it requires multiple people and huge effort to cast, and can have lasting effects on thoise that cast it." 'bad guys' are more likely toi use sacrificial people and animals for huge boosts in energy, 'good guys' are less likely to trade one energy drain/life to kill another.

[@proclarushtaonasat]

basically, duplicating food, splits the nutrients between the copies, basically everything gets watered down. It´s like the multiform technique from dragonball. in the last book, after ron telefrags himself, they try to catch fish, but only get one. they multiply them by 3, but its not very nutritious due to the duplication. all they get is the temporary illusion of fullness, as the food occupies more space in your stomach. The comment about sauces and wine are likely meant to imply, that "flavours" can be created, but nothing else about the sauces will be real. essentially they are just creating water with food coloring and artificial flavour, but it will have 0 calories and nutrients. basically, its the same principle of air-up.

[@nessa-parmentier]

@@Spamhard D&D does a bad job at explaining where the energy comes from (at least in recent editions where it's very much : there are components so it works, without explanation), but at least it TRIES to answer the question. It's done in a way that acknowledges that magic can't just appear out of thin air without Anything to power it. It's very unclear how and why it works, but yeah at least there is an attempt. There's a very popular line in ttrpg players in my country, that translates to "shut up, it's magic !" when you can't answer how something works. It often kinda works as a lazy explanation for something because you know that there are rules behind magic that allow it to work. JKR took this reasoning to explain everything. Including magic. Which, it shouldn't take long to figure out that it doesn't work very long.

[@Spamhard]

@@nessa-parmentier For me I can excuse some like D&D because it's a tabletop game. It's supposed to have systems that can be changed and adapted for groups of players. One DM is potentially going to use a very different system and concept from another. They're worlds SO DIFFERENT from what we live that it's more excusable. I also just think it works more in the way Terry Pratchett's Discworld does, where the existence of Gods and chaos magic means everything is a lot more fluid and odd. Having a magic system that's a little more vague CAN work and it works to very great extent in Discworld because it allows for bizarre plots and ideas, and even dimensional portals and the like. The biggest issue with JKR's worlds is she wanted whimsy and chaos, but then ALSO wanted a wizarding world that basically worked EXACTLY the same as our normal human world with the same laws and morals. Her lack of imagination meant she couldn't think beyond "what if the government but magic?" "what if cops, but magic?" "what if a capitalist banking system, but magic?" "What if law and order and crimes and prison system, but magic?" She never really changes anything or things of the rammifications. She's trying to fit an inherently chaotic system into a centrists idea of the world. (which is wild, imagine creating such a beautiful concept then being like welkl there has to be police, there has to be prisons, there has to be a government easily corrupted, and the divion of class)

[@elliee1569]

im losing it at ur bit abt newt being a 'chaser' 😭😭😭😭😭

[@froggiepie]

ok for the food duplication thing i have pondered this at length myself and in the deathly hallows, hermionie keeps getting food from the forests and duplicating it so they can survive while on the run, but it makes the food lesser quality each time she duplicates it. so i imagine it tastes worse or maybe has a worse texture ? another thing with the food is that mrs weasly was shown to be making some kind of soup with the broth 'pouring from the tip of her wand' which does not make sense because. you can't make food with magic. when i was younger i assumed that maybe mrs weasly is just extremely good at cooking magic or maybe is transporting the broth from somewhere else but that doesn't add up. i can only assume that because this incident was in book 2, the you-can't-magic-food rule was added afterward. jkr has a tendecy to add rules and retcon stuff in reaction to the fans and i'm sure fans were asking questions about the magic and food situation at the time. it shows how competent she is that her effort to introduce a conflict or answer fan questions only further disturbed her worldbuilding. and then AFTER she added this rule she still did the queenie strudel incident???? where the hell did the dough come from (finally i can use my wizard knowlage i was a huge fan when i was a kid they were the first chapter books i read) (not a fan anymore because obvious reasons and i can see the MANY flaws in the text itself now that i'm older. unfortunetly the knowlage still takes up too much space in my brain.)

[@aliasfakename3159]

In my world, making food with magic is really strong magic that can only be done by otherworldly beings. One of these beings made a box that produces infinite food & human rulers would keep the box under lock & key to control people with famines

[@froggiepie]

@@aliasfakename3159 oh wow, we should go and steal the box!

[@-tera-3345]

A common claim I see people make is that duplicating or enlarging food doesn't affect the nutrients, so it would keep you filled but you're still getting the same amount of nutrients, just spread thinner. Except, that like, doesn't make any sense, either? How would a spell know what specific chemical compounds are nutritious to humans and avoid affecting only those? What if said nutrients are critical to the food even existing? If you duplicate a hard boiled egg, and the result is a hard boiled egg with less protein, you haven't got a hard boiled egg anymore. I'm not even sure what you've got left, but it would be some weird, goopy mess. And much smaller. Also, wine and sauces both contain all sorts of nutrients, so the rule is nonsensical even on its face. Maybe not enough to live on solely, but that's kind of true of any single food. And again, how is a spell deciding what does and does not count as nutritious? But again, that's beside the point. None of that is what actually matters. What really matters is that Rowling has decided that having infinite food would be a problematic thing in her ideal world. Everything else is just an afterthought, an attempt to justify why there can't be infinite food. But none of it makes sense, because she doesn't actually care about the world making sense. She only cares about it fulfilling her ideals. In that way, it's sort of a microcosm of the entirety of Harry Potter's setting.

[@angelsander6178]

A story dosen't have to make 100% sense but it should make, like, 60% minimum. A C+ in internal logic and consistency, you know?

[@charliesquire5247]

This actually completely explains the empty feeling I got after finishing the fantastic beasts movie. None of the consequences matter in the end. It felt stale and uninteresting. Also thank you for continuously going back to the main line that started you down this rabbit hole, so many youtubers tend to lose themselves to other questions that pop up along their researching and never actually answer the question they asked.

[@frostingthebirthdayclown3774]

I could eat 50 hotdogs if i wanted to

[@friendlycatwife]

Do it now

[@FosukeLordOfError]

I never said how long it would take me to

[@aliasfakename3159]

I'll always remember that Hermione wanted to free the house elves & Ron made fun of her for wanting to free the slaves. Everyone thought she was silly for her activism

[@justsomeferalminor]

"Systematic problem will be fine if we put good person instead of bad person in charge" is a common and concerning theme in the whole franchise and it leaves the Wizarding world just as totalitarian as the heroes found it at the beginning of the story.

[@user-df5nb8zy7e]

Worst line - perhaps. It definitely suits the worldbuilding of this franchise to casually drop lines that - upon examination - break the entire thing apart. But the second movie improves on how much worse it could possibly be. Exceeds our wildest expectations. Stopping wizard Hitler from preventing Holocaust? How does all that even work? Which parts are supposed to be directly borrowed from history, and which - replaced with wizard version? There was literally no thought put into the worldbuilding. Only neoliberalism, bigotry, and "chasers".

[@friendlycatwife]

The third one is unwatchable. I wanted to throw up.

[@user-df5nb8zy7e]

@@friendlycatwife it had one of the most important canon statements - objectively "pure heart" of Dumbledore. (somehow, wizard supremacy, enslavement and abuse of power do not count)

[@victormirandakoepke8352]

i'll be honest, i misheard the intro song as "Sing me a Lizard song" and was bopping to it like "Hell yeah! Lizards!" before my brain took a second to realize "Wait, this is a video about the Magical world. It's probably 'Sing me a *Wizard* song'" and i'm ashamed to admit that my next thought was "aw... i kinda want an enthusiastic lizard song now" instead of "WTF is wrong with me" anyways: Good video! Funny thing about the Harry Potter worldbuilding is that the fandom is perfectly willing to just make up the world building for JK constantly. Why did X happen? oh it's because [Insert headcanon here]. which is kinda funny when you start poking a bit too much into the holes of the setting as the contradictions pile up.

[@friendlycatwife]

Need to work on that remix now…

[@klltsun_2576]

This made me realize I heard "lizard" too but didnt question it😭

[@RobbieTaylor]

I've arrested half of the people (insert place) is a common brag from movie cops

[@alexisuncultured475]

Gosh i dont remember this movie being so blue

[@friendlycatwife]

Blame KZbin lol

[@ic5889]

"But what about the world wars" was always such a silly question to ask about hp like it's a 90s kid magical power fantasy of course its not gonna deal with that stuff. And then they set a series of movies in the god damn interbellum

[@genericname2747]

Yeah, it was like, something that would occasionally pop up in your mind as you read about Harry going on adventures. and then Joanne just forced us to think about the implications

[@ic5889]

@@genericname2747 I didnt *want* to think about why the wizards didn't stop the nazis but here we are, thanks joanne

[@AmberKuncaitis]

"So in conclusion, thats why the stuff I said" 😂😂😂

[@dokiepkosa]

My roomie loves to go on hyper focus rants about HP and sometimes I get annoyed. But then I sit and watch videos like this and it’s of course a point she’s brought up before. A reminder that I need to swallow my own pride and listen to my bestie! She is fun and interesting, I love her so much. If I’m willing to listen to a stranger talk about something for the hell of it, then of course she deserves the same space. Actually, these. Ideas are good for me because I get to come back and and be all “uhm actually I watched this one video that had a really interesting point” and then we talk for a few hours about a topic. Just gotta have introvert time first! It’s like I’m doing my homework so I’m ready for anything she might wanna talk about. Thanks for being good homework, I think your delivery was that perfect level of chaotic specificity that breeds innovation and natural curiosity

[@haileyshannon7548]

I think the Wizarding World could of had potential if there were stories about Wizards around the world unrelated to the main canon. Maybe get different writers.

[@FinntasticMrFox]

...Alchemytraz.

[@friendlycatwife]

Remember when Johnny Cast played Owlsom Prison?

[@trevormcmahan4415]

"and i also just found out they were a cop" LMAOOOOO

[@friendlycatwife]

You have to tell me if you’re a cop or cringe

[@aspiringjoker2883]

Ahem. I present to you, the actual worst line in cinema history: "He was in the Amazon with my mother studying spiders just before she died."

[@WolfRaven119]

Sauces have little nutritional value? Every nonna on the planet rises up.

[@friendlycatwife]

How much you wanna bet wizards canonically cannot handle spicy food 😝

[@dollinprogress5140]

Late to the party, but I've had this question for ages and this seems like the best place to ask: is teen pregnancy a thing at Hogwarts? "Fetus Deletus" jokes aside, the books have a moment where the stairs to the girls' dorms turn into a slide when the boys try to walk up and it's flat out said this is to prevent hanky panky. It's clear someone at some point was concerned about a bunch of magical teens with raging hormones and minimal supervision discovering the wonders of human sexuality. But Harry and co. clearly violate school rules all the time, so it's not like the castle itself is monitoring every action taken by every student and detering any act against school policy. So are there other parts of the school where students could hook up unimpeded? Wizard age of majority is 17, so would 7th years be able to get it on while charms affect underage students? Does Madame Maulkin's robe shop offer a concealment charm if students got pregnant over the summer/winter holidays off campus and don't want anyone to know back at school? ARE THE WIZARD CHILDREN GETTING ANY SORT OF SEX ED, JOANNE??! 😤 Sorry, it's just one of many "real-world" issues that seem to make the all the world-building of Harry Potter start to feel like cardboard and masking tape hastily patched together instead of the epic fantasy catacombs that were full of such compelling mysteries when I was child. Hogwarts teen pregnancy was my wizard speakeasy in terms of falling slowly out of love with the storytelling. I think that's why I was so ready to drop the series when JK outed herself as TERF-zilla while other adult Potterheads were more torn up. I had already come to terms with the fact that the books weren't the literary masterpieces I remembered and that the sense of community and shared culture was the bigger blessing of this cultural phenomenon happening during my own school years. But sometimes, in a group with folks who all agree JKR is trash, it's still fun to nitpick and theorize about the stuff that didn't make sense. . . Would the Room of Requirement provide contraception?

[@friendlycatwife]

God I didn’t even think about sex! Add on the fact that eugenics are so important to these effing wizards 😑

[@johnvinals7423]

51:26 JKR is out of touch!?!?!?!? What a shocker!

[@egg_bun_]

As someone who has refused to watch this movie series, I'm grateful for a video picking it apart. Thank you.

[@greyisnthere]

there were a few times when I was wondering how you were gonna tie in certain "tangents" into the main thesis of the video, but then you went and did it anyways! Great stuff; love the pacing, your humor (especially the subtle stuff), and just overall vibes. I'm definitely sticking around

[@corduroyb]

You showed up on my recommended and honestly? I'm shocked that you don't have more of a following. This was an incredibly well written essay, and I'm very excited to see where you go from here

[@friendlycatwife]

THANK YOU PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!! 😖😖😖

[@faramirbutnothatone]

Ok if the wizarding world was involved in ww1 was there a wizarding russian revolution? Also how does the wizarding government interact with a monarchy? Were they involved with the American revolution? I'm so confused.

[@erraticonteuse]

I looked it up once-JKR said all American wizards were neutral during the Revolution, which, while a huge cop-out, isn't the worst thing because something like a third of Americans were neutral during the Revolution. What gets to me is, why is the wizard school in New England, and what happened to Southern wizard attendance from 1861-1865? How were house elves affected(or not) by the 13th Amendment? If the wizards follow Prohibition, surely they would follow emancipation?

[@wdvashee419]

This was amazing, and its crazy how close your analysis is to a Spanish art movement called "Creacionismo". Here is a definition The movement is based on the idea that a poem is a new creation by the author for its own sake, and that the poet's role is to create an imaginary world rather than describe the natural world. Creacionist poets often used original vocabulary, juxtaposed images and metaphors, and combined words idiosyncratically."

[@friendlycatwife]

Oh my gosh that sounds so interesting! I was a film major in college so a lot of times I’m just taking different kinds of critical theory and finding the one I think is most interesting for whatever I’m talking about. I’ll definitely check that movement out! ❤️

[@phaIIicaIIyimpaired]

That sounds a lot like German writer/poet Christian Morgenstern. His work is awesome.

[@laurelelasselin]

I'm going to need to look that up and find out more about it, because it sounds like the kind of thing I've been trying to achieve in some of my writing :D

[@wachyfanning]

"Why doesn't everyone rise up and spark a revolution" I think you'll find that we in the real world also live under unncessecary capialist production, and yet we have yet to do said revolution on the scale necessary. The fact that wizards literally already live in a post-scarcity society and STLL use mercantile systems is probably the most depressingly accurate thing about the Wizarding World.

[@friendlycatwife]

Yep! And I think that’s a chilling lesson for all of us. We can’t wait for it to happen. We have to make it happen!

[@IceQueenZoey]

"As a cop it's almost impossible to get fired." oh my XD

[@FireKAT91]

Harry Potter fan here, and I love this video! One of my favorite things to do when I post writing online is analyze fiction, especially fantasy, and there was something about the franchise that felt odd to me. I could kind of feel it even as a kid, but I couldn't figure it out, even when Fantastic Beasts was released. You nailed it very well and I look forward to seeing more from you.

[@friendlycatwife]

Thank you! I really appreciate that! ❤️

[@BlueBotBlues]

genuinely crazy that almost every fucking magic crime leads to time in Azkaban and Joanne never stopped to be like "Maybe theyre the baddies lol"

[@billuraral1870]

Especially wild considering one of the books is about a character getting sent to the death camp Alcatraz without a trial or investigation. Do they even have wizard lawyers and prosecutors?

[@doyscherr]

"Why doesn't anyone rise up and spark a revolution?" You mean like Voltenort?

[@Newfiecat]

As you know, only EVIL people spark revolutions in the Wizarding world!

[@dracocrusher]

I'm just imagining every Wizard relationship with a Muggle is The Ancient Magus Bride. She's cute and her wizard hubby likes her, but catch daddy on a bad day and he'll turn into an actual monster, nearly kill you, and then threaten to erase your memory when they're inconvenienced by that fact. All while you're busy casually dealing with the Fey trying to constantly abduct you or something just for the fun of it.

[@kashk42]

If an wand is the equivalent of both a gun AND a car it is obviously a *tank*, duh. Who would handle tank-permits? Do we have an equivalent?

[@sheriffkeystoneguardian9562]

16:49 we stray further from god the more we learn about the harry potter verse

[@quinnzyker6521]

Muggles: we have guns. Wiz: FLIP MUG: *shoots*

[@SpoopySquid]

Voldemort: I have an unforgivable curse Muggles: We have an M1 Abrams

[@quinnzyker6521]

I have a 12 gage with cut shot.

[@ellehopelle]

Honestly I think the line's trying to reference the scene in some cop shows/movies where the cop has to go look for info in a seedy place with a lot of criminals. In the regular world, that makes sense, people get arrested for all sorts of stuff and get out eventually. However, Fantastic Beasts only takes the appearance of that scene, and forgets that a) there's no reason an Auror would be arresting a bunch of small-time criminals who are in and out of jail all the time (and all the legal punishments we know of in the Wizarding World are hilariously harsh -- does UK Wizarding World even have sentences besides Azkaban or Dementors?) and b) in those scenes the cop character is clearly trying not to be noticed/recognized.

[@maldaror7097]

Obviously the half that where arrested where the half not in the bar.....go wizard maths.

[@daelen.cclark]

Either they left earlier or she made it up.

[@emh.1178]

Plus we only hear about like Wizard Guantanamo For Terrorists, is there a normie wizard jail? Or do they all go the the horrible torture death prison? Sirius was thought to murder two of his friends and got sentenced there for life, so i think thats implying that everyone gets sent to Azkaban, which is pretty horrifying and makes the Auroror/wizard cop issue even worse. Also the whole problem with how sentient/sapient magical creatures are treated is horrifying as well:'0 imagine having human level intelligence and being kidnapped and shoved in a dark breifcase with 100 other magical animals with wildly different habitat and enrichment needs. And also they all have magic powers. How does he feed them? How does he keep them clean? Are there any magical byproducts/waste that need to be disposed of in a special way? Are there parasites? Has breifcase boy ever caused an ecological disaster by spreading magical creatures to different ecosystems where they may not have any native fauna that can outcompete them because they have magical powers with his broken breifcase? Why haven't the centaurs and mermaids and dragons and goblins and werewolves all overthrown the wizards?

[@friendlycatwife]

The implications of this franchise are so dire it’s downright chilling

[@NightmareLyra]

The chaser bit had me in tears

[@rymeet8719]

51:54 -- CACKLED at "When does SAUCE become SOUP??" This is really good! Gave me lots of new angles to look at this stuff when I thought I'd surely exhausted them when it comes to HP. Clicked for curiosity and stayed for the interesting points and your great personality! Thanks for sharing your work, Madeline!!

[@friendlycatwife]

Thank you so much!!! My goal for this was “how do I take all the other angles I’ve heard about this series and bring them to their logical conclusion.” I hope I achieved that lol 😅

[@rymeet8719]

@@friendlycatwife I think I might be able to help you with that feeling of accomplishment by conveying the odd sense of closure I got from all the retrospective Lol esp being trans cuz fuck the queen of pissants joanne 🤘🏻 may the algo gods carry you far!!

[@friendlycatwife]

@@rymeet8719trans people: the only real gods ❤️🏳️‍⚧️💅

[@toganium4175]

My girl made an hour video on one line.

[@friendlycatwife]

I’m not strong enough for two hours I need to get better 💯

[@vadalia3860]

Eh, you lost me when you said what Newt is doing is no different than the poachers he's saving the animals from. Killing or injuring an animal for profit is not at all the same as dedicating your life to caring for living animals (even in less-than-ideal circumstances, which I also disagree with your assessment of) and supporting yourself by writing books to bring greater public awareness to them and their plight. You say it's no different because Newt wants to keep all the animals for himself but you already admitted, earlier in the video, that Newt's entire part of the plot was to release an endangered animal back into its' natural habitat... the exact opposite of "keeping all the animals for himself." I agree he endangered the animals by having the faulty suitcase in the first place and I wish they'd given a throw-away line to explaining that away (either show it getting damaged in the opening scene or give him a line where someone notices it's broken "I keep meaning to get that fixed but Magizoology isn't the best paying career in the world") but even without it he's nowhere near the level of a poacher.

[@friendlycatwife]

I would simply not bring the monsters that can easily escape my briefcase with me 🤷‍♀️

[@daelen.cclark]

@@friendlycatwife But then there wouldn’t be a movie, and JKR & WB wouldn’t get the extra paycheque.

[@vadalia3860]

@@friendlycatwife And alternatively he should leave them... where?

[@friendlycatwife]

@@vadalia3860 at his house where his assistant takes care of the animals he doesn’t bring along

[@shanerulez79]

​@friendlycatwife wait you don't like this movie but you watched the sequel?

[@midgematic8659]

Wizard FBI would get shot by Voldemort and ask “do you have a permit for that Elder Wand?”

[@vfo3326]

A one hour video about a certain dialogue of a film i haven't watched is exactly what my adhd ass needed❤

[@rowandunning6877]

omg wizard j edgar hoover is trying to find the chosen one?!

[@moonballoonsmith8238]

Despite the plot idiocy of the film, the initial question sort of makes me wonder if you’ve never heard of the drunk tank, or not been in a college town during homecoming…

[@moonballoonsmith8238]

9 minutes enough …

[@cinnamonsugarcourtney6073]

Lol the magical version of Alcatraz is Azkaban.

[@friendlycatwife]

Is that in the books?

[@cinnamonsugarcourtney6073]

@@friendlycatwife Yes? It's even in the movies?

[@friendlycatwife]

@@cinnamonsugarcourtney6073 oh I didn’t see the movies

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

@@friendlycatwifeit’s in the third book, The Prisoner of Azkaban

[@friendlycatwife]

@@TheNinthGenerarion oh okay i didnt read those

[@witchpoetry]

I've always had issues with this franchize and could never verbalize it like you just did, hats off, really good and thorough analisis

[@oliviawilliams6204]

How do you call an Alcatraz version of a magical prison? Azkaban…

[@persephoenix]

I love your shirt!! Paranorman was my favourite film growing up ❤

[@friendlycatwife]

It’s one of my top films of all time. I cry every time I watch it 😭😭😭

[@the_devoteaser]

My ex was a potterhead. They explained a lot if it to me and I said it sounds like a horrible world. They strongly agreed.

[@MacheTheFerret]

yoo, are those ashtons? i think we got the same glasses lmao but seriously, god damn, i cannot get enough of these "the hp universe makes no fucking sense" videos because they're honestly pretty damn good writing lessons lessons in what _not_ to do, but lessons nonetheless, and who am i to pass up on free learning material edit: i made the comment above as i began watching, and now having finished the video, holy shit this is genius

[@friendlycatwife]

Thank you so much! I got these online through a Facebook ad so I’m not really sure what company they are lol

[@MacheTheFerret]

@@friendlycatwife ah shoot, i think my original reply got deleted for containing a link the place i got mine is 39dollarglasses take a wild guess how much they cost

[@ccdaly2561]

I stumbled on this channel today and it's already a new favorite! Great video, love the music too!

[@friendlycatwife]

Thank you so much! I’m glad you like my music too!! ❤️

[@WhatAmIDoingHere12]

i will never not enjoy watching a woman complain about a bad movie

[@currybread5298]

I'm really liking your style here! Will come back to this video. Awesome work!

[@AskForDoodles]

Love that you put Rowling's name in the Content Warning disclaimer 🤣👌

[@tinycrimester]

i can't believe i'm defending this shit... look what you made me do... i think the line was just meant to say the place is frequented by criminals and she's feeling nervous that they might get in trouble because of her history? also uh... azkaban. the magic alcatraz is called azkaban. it's not a coincidence the names sound similar.

[@friendlycatwife]

Yeah that makes sense. She really is an embarrassing character. Like there are probably a million ways to convey that information, even in a fun, joking matter, but instead she says it in this strange humble brag. Like, it’s such a cop thing to do to be like “look at all these thugs in here!” She’s profiling. Like she probably saw a few she arrested and assumed the rest were criminals. It gets even weirder when you discover that speakeasies never existed. Well actually, they did, but only to keep up appearances for humans. Which means any wizards could go to drink because it was more of a facade than anything. But wait then why were there so many criminals? Heck, why would any fugitive or monster with a past enter this place? Wait, do non-criminal Wizards not go to bars? That’s awfully judgmental. So they all just drink at home in their private houses and private parties. Wait wait wait! If the criminal underworld wants to be secret, wouldn’t it make more sense to hide in a regular, human speakeasy?? TINA WHY DIDNT YOU WEAR A DISGUISE IF YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE IN DANGER AT THIS LEGAL FAKE SPEAKEASY NORMAL BAR???????!!!!

[@thesoupspecter]

honestly surprised you don’t have more subs, all your video essays are fantastic!! plus your songs are really good

[@friendlycatwife]

Thank you so much!!!!!!

[@Jaydee-wd7wr]

It sort of detracts from the overall point but a few things. Hogwarts does teach maths, that’s what Arithmancy/Numerology (I think dependent on the UK or US version) is, we just never see the characters in that class because it would be dull. The rules around conjuring food were very clearly made up arbitrarily, but the way I assumed it worked from how they talk about it in the final book is that you can duplicate food but it splits the nutritional value between the two things, if you duplicate a cheese sandwich you now have two, sure, but you would need to eat both to get the same nutritional value as an unduplicated cheese sandwich. Eating purely duplicated food would eventually cause you to die of malnutrition.

[@friendlycatwife]

So the opening paragraph of this is what inspired that line lol harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Wizarding_currency

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

Actually, the numerology class is about using numbers to make predictions, or something along those lines. It’s not a math class, it’s a magical numbers class.

[@mxveewz]

as someone else pointed out, numerology isn't math, it's studying magic numbers to predict the future. id like to add that numerology is also an elective. so even IF it were normal math, most students wouldn't learn it unless they chose to. so even if you assume maybe a part of numerology is teaching basic math, it's safe to assume most wizards don't have it in their curriculum. no one is teaching these kids math.

[@sylve2474]

This makes me feel so much better about not understanding what was happening for the majority of the film when i watched it

[@nerrhavia.6288]

honestly that line would have made more sense if it was embarrising for her, like oh god why is everyone in here someone ive had to arrest

[@friendlycatwife]

They can’t decide whether she’s a competent cop or like a complete screw up

[@spartanMN300]

"But what about the world wars" look if Wonder Woman wasn't ready to answer that question Harry Potter definitely isn't either

[@helixsol7171]

My only (headcanon) explanation for wizards in WWI, if they actually fought in it themselves and not just the Muggles, since Newt was talking to his new American Muggle best friend, is that Archduke Franz Ferdinand could've been a wizard who was very good at hiding that fact despite being a very public figure in the non-magical world. Again, this is headcanon, as Newt was speaking to a MUGGLE who had fought in the war.

[@justinweber4977]

I would imagine "Ive arrested half of the people in here" was a combination of hyperbole, trying to make the point that she's good at her job (the viewer's opinion in the job notwithstanding) and acknowledging they're in an illegal establishment.

[@timpunny]

came here from tiktok. high quality stuff :)

[@ilikeyoutube7224]

Side tangent, I was taught prohibition was because men would work, get their money, go spend it on alchohol, and some would come home an hurt their wives/ children. Then the family had no money because dads spending it on alchohol. So wives demanded prohibition It could have been more nepharious but that's what I was taught

[@gaming_alien]

spent my evening watching this video and unlike most video essays, I didn’t put it on in the background because you were so engaging I just found myself exclusively watching this!!! Very quick subscribe from me :) can’t wait to check out the rest of your work

[@friendlycatwife]

Thank you!!! Comments like these keep me going!!!! ❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@UniGya]

"Duplicated food goes bad faster so people don't duplicate food" okay just duplicate it just before eating it. And why does it go bad faster? Does duplicating food somehow double the amount of food but square the amount of bacteria? Can I duplicate canned food without worry since it lasts so long already? What else can be duplicated like this? Why is anything scarce in this world?

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

What’s even funnier is you can duplicate basically anything, including gold (in Bellatrix’s vault), so all you really need is one of each coin and you’re infinitely wealthy.

[@AS-ri1mb]

@@TheNinthGenerarion it also burns you and doesn't stop multiplying. Hardly useful for anything other than a trap.

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

@@AS-ri1mb the burning is an additional spell on top of the duplication, and there is presumably a way to stop the replication. And my point is that if you can produce an unlimited amount of gold, it has no economic value.

[@cerebralisk]

knowing rowling the actual answer for where the food comes from is they have special farms where prison slave labor tend fields where time magic makes a season pass in a day, meaning there's a fresh harvest every day and yes this technically also kills them but have you considered they're poor? and a lot of them are probably fat too!

[@LockandKeyHyena]

PHENOMENAL work, extremely enjoyable watch! new sub! :DD

[@redactedoktor]

OKAY OKAY I REALIZED, I eventually realized your shirt was depicting Paranorman, but for a good few seconds I was squinting my eyes and thinking "Is that fucking Undertale?" Because I'm watching it at 144p cause it's the only way my shitty ass internet will actually load videos. Alright I'll continue watching now, I just had to say that.

[@brandyloutherback9288]

Oh, Honey! It just gets worse!

[@friendlycatwife]

I’ve seen all of these movies. There will not be a sequel to this video 😖

[@nerdetcurieuse]

I love the idea that Newt Scamander is a con! Love it even more knowing he ends up marrying a cop. Newt in the hood. 😎😎 Like "woops!" (Innocent face) "my nifflers have happened to escape in Gringotts!" This should have been our guy. Also : Dumbledore has something of a con too... My theory is that he s a dark wizard in disguise

[@Thunder-Sky]

I wonder how telling it is that I thought you were gonna say "it's powered by bullshit" but you then instead said "it's powered by faith"

[@zoeb3573]

Same difference

[@spitp51]

That's one of the worst, the most devoid of logic introductions I've ever seen on KZbin. She is not bragging in the first scene, she is underlining the fact that criminals hang out in that bar. Just as you've cleverly mentioned in the hotdog analogy, it is not a literal number, it's probably an exaggeration to again, underline how many criminals there are. Also, Newt didn't "find out" that she's a cop. She literally arrested him at the beginning of the movie.

[@friendlycatwife]

:(