The Greatest Graham Norton One-Liners of Eurovision 2022

[@caitlan]

my favourite line from this year by him is "if you're just tuning in, this isn't a glitch, this is really happening" when the United Kingdom were first on the Jury votes XD

[@lianadoom]

honesty I thought it was a glitch and watched it all XD

[@lianadoom]

still can't believe that XD

[@99txgh]

The fact we got 0 votes last year it was pretty unbelievable getting so high this year

[@DrZaius3141]

I mean, considering it's a mix between a music contest and a nation's popularity contest, the music from the UK act had to be incredibly good.

[@tyranitararmaldo]

Perhaps a bunch of people clicked UK when they actually meant to click UKR xD

[@finntruman389]

My favourite one-liner, which isn't in here, is when the presenters said something like "Are you drinking tonight? How much are you having?" or something similar and Graham said "Not enough for this."

[@canny_linguist]

He really is the best presenter 😁 I live for his pure bitchy sarcasm

[@Brandon.Reacts]

@@canny_linguist he’s great, but no one will be able to replace Terry

[@Jzaday]

Yeees omg I snorted at that

[@philipjamestalbot4750]

I'm

[@petervandersluijs9256]

Whahaha....

[@therealsirdj5934]

"The theme tonight is the sound of beauty which, like all themes, means nothing" had me laughing. Man the UK is lucky to have funny commentary like that

[@krussell1608]

Graham is one of the best parts of Eurovision for me. It wouldn't be the same without him.

[@therealsirdj5934]

@@krussell1608 I can imagine he makes even a edition as average as this years quit entertaining

[@soonnah9521]

He's the only thing that makes the show watchable.

[@therealsirdj5934]

@poopie fart I'm German so honestly: Idk could be

[@daerincakes]

@@krussell1608 ikr! Can't wait for May!

[@ishshah8695]

"In space, no one can hear you scream at your hairdresser" 🤣🤣

[@marks.6480]

best of the bunch by far

[@A.s.s.777]

He also said that her hair was gravity proof when she rolled, and I rolled my ass off laughing

[@haranoe]

I had first assumed he would be saying "in space, no one can hear your hairdresser scream".

[@fionamaecry7579]

Me and my friend had to rewind we were laughing so hard

[@anukoponen2015]

Thank you for writing this, I didn’t understand what he said 🙌

[@floraflowers]

"Don't wanna jinx it for Switzerland but James Newman wore a similar jacket last year" And Switzerland got 0 points from the public 🤣

[@snackplaylove]

Yup - wearing insulation turns out isn’t a good look

[@jacklovejoy5290]

@@snackplaylove It thought it looked like a car seat

[@szandorthe13th]

@@jacklovejoy5290 lmaooooo theyre car seats

[@wibbliams]

Because the televote ran them over

[@arjunpatel3658]

"There now follows a human sacrifice" after the french performance killed me 😆

[@rinnijudd6183]

Well they were singing about a woman who dances with the devil in the forest 😂

[@arjunpatel3658]

Would've been better if he added "of an englishman" 😅

[@regina_george340]

It killed you, huh? So there was a human sacrifice

[@SuperJNG18]

The timing of "This is Holland." "No it's not, this is Pol-" "THIS IS POLAND-!" is so perfect it damn near feels like they practiced it just for the British viewers. Goddamn that was brilliant.

[@chloecolbac9148]

"We'Re GoInG tO HaVe To hOsT???" Killed me

[@gaiapurpure]

The UK might still have to, because it’ll take quite some time for Ukraine to get Eurovision ready from where they are at the moment.

[@AdditionalJargon52]

Lol me too

[@AdditionalJargon52]

@@gaiapurpure maybe as we came 2nd as well but only time will tell

[@onomatopoetisk]

@@gaiapurpure They offered to do it, didn’t they? I don’t think they will be forced to do it. 😊

[@maniamuse1319]

Then he said something like 'all the glory and none of the expense'.

[@Hgames_RBLX]

Honestly, my fave Graham One-Liner is “She’s got her shopping in that shoulder.”

[@haranoe]

It would be funnier if it were not true.

[@WxB2001]

Yeah hahaha, that made me die

[@ARGhostie]

It caught me off guard 😂😂

[@iandeeming2654]

After Spain: "Put the phone down grandad, the voting lines aren't open yet"... Absolutely killed me. 🤣

[@alipanroosendaal9503]

Spot on comment, though, because that is all Spain's entry had to offer: Titillation for the mid-life-crisis brigade.

[@PossibleBat]

@@alipanroosendaal9503 bitter commentary lmao Chanel knows how to dance and sing at the same time, incredible choreography and performance lol

[@aekelly]

@@PossibleBat it wasn't about her singing, or dancing. Lol!

[@alipanroosendaal9503]

@@PossibleBat She can perform, but, to what end? Purely to be objectified by men. This shows (for me) a lack of self-respect, an unawareness of, or a snub to, female emancipation, and a re-enforcing of misogyny and sexism in the culture.

[@fredh1720]

@@alipanroosendaal9503 You're implying that objectification by men is her own fault. She is perfectly entitled to do whatever she wants and look amazing doing it. Was the guy from the Rasmus asking for objectification by women by not wearing a shirt?

[@mistermagicmusic]

Graham during the Italian gesture bit: ‘there are 180 million people watching this’ 😄😄 EDIT: I’ve launched a debate in the comments.

[@elsafralves]

Yes, a very cliché thing to do, but the Italian script writers and organisation overall was kinda lazy...

[@beatm6948]

@@elsafralves yeah, it felt weird, but it got better as it went on

[@kieranb7582]

I want to like this, but, the 69 likes was fitting for this comment.... Nice

[@m00nrac00n]

Yea, honestly Italia was not THE greatest host. The stage was amazing, but the programm, bits, interval acts and moderators...Idk.

[@onomatopoetisk]

@@m00nrac00n The stage was so dark due to the rainbow shaped screen being out of order! Nah, that was disturbing to me.

[@reahutargaryen1573]

"someone at the BBC is getting nervous" - 3:55 At least someone in UK is happy they didn't win 🤣

[@LiamJamesMedia]

Funny thing is that the BBC will likely still host next year

[@LiamJamesMedia]

@@oqeufh yeah he said that he wants it in Mariupol, but have you seen the state that city is in? I think they should think about spending money on rebuilding the new Ukraine and not Eurovision lmao. They also need to provide accomodation to thousands of people like delegation members, artists, press, crew and staff. And need an arena to perform the show in. + infrastructure, I’m all for Ukraine to host but I don’t think logistically it’s possible since it takes almost a full year to plan and execute. I guess only time will tell :)

[@williamchapple8886]

At the end he said we get all the glory with none of the expense

[@Alucard-gt1zf]

@@oqeufh the Ukrainian president is having a laugh if he honestly thinks he should be focusing on rebuilding a stadium before securing his citizens needs If ukraine even exists by this time next year anyway

[@GroovyGays]

They should really make it so one if the big 5 or second place (uk) host it

[@aleksandra-dianadovzan199]

somehow the best part of this is how many jokes Graham made about the UK being relieved that they don't have to host - only to end up hosting anyways

[@williamchapple8886]

He gets the balance right on every comment and is always hilarious, he's the perfect commentator for the contest

[@JudgeHill]

If you don’t get the “I’m sending a letter to Daddy” reference, it’s because she looks like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and that was her signature song, sung in a similar dress. Graham Norton is very witty.

[@oekmama]

😂thanks!

[@sparklemotion8377]

That was my favorite line

[@JudgeHill]

@@sparklemotion8377 With a name like Sparkle Magic, I’m not at all surprised. 😀

[@sparklemotion8377]

@@JudgeHill Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparke Motion😞

[@JudgeHill]

@@sparklemotion8377 Oh you’re right, I didn’t get the quote exactly right.😀. Well, you’re there in spirit, I’m sure.

[@LenkaHatakeRAWR]

"They're performing in masks and anonymously" gets me every time 😂

[@hotwasabi_]

one of my faves which isn’t here was when about halfway through the show the female presenter said “we have made it to the grand final of eurovision 2022” and graham was like “did someone just tell her” LMAOOO

[@lianadoom]

omg XD

[@BrandonBriers]

I loved his comment after Norway's performance "You've just heard the word 'Yum' 90 times!"

[@hopkapi]

Yum.

[@queeny5613]

Yum.

[@irishuisman1450]

Yum.

[@Alfred-F-Jones]

yum

[@kurochocho]

Yum.

[@moxgirl5]

LOL when Graham thought Laura was finished and she wasn't xD "I'm scared to say anything and she'll start again" hahahah

[@MultiBigbird01]

"In space no one can hear you scream at your hairdresser" that one was the best 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@williamchapple8886]

I love the slightly drunken laugh just before

[@samraymond4464]

"Probably some relieved people at the BBC" - Famous last words spoken by Graham Norton...

[@PaperAeroplaneGirl7]

It's not in here but one of my favourites from the jury voting was, "In the past we could have only dreamt of 3, but now it's a disappointment. How quickly we forget!"

[@vermilliongecko]

I remember one year, we were hoping for some points from Malta. As the Maltese delegate cast her votes, it became clear they'd given us nothing. Graham said 'Oh okay, I'll say it now - HIDEOUS FROCK'

[@falconeshield]

If Malta qualifies only old people watch. They don't qualify, young people watch.

[@fn3967]

I'm surprised how calm and unimpressed he seems to be despite the fact the UK won the jury vote and placed 2nd overall. I remember back in 2010 when Lena won, the German commentator was freaking out more and more with every high points that were flying in XD

[@Dianuxkasfenix]

Indeed. In 2017 when Portugal won both commentators lost their shit. One was kinda in denial and the other one was screaming at him that we had won. So Chaotic.

[@dragonfly9821]

It's Graham. Graham doesn't care. He is there because people love it when he makes fun of everyone.

[@PinkkElephantt]

@@dragonfly9821 British dry humor. I enjoy the fact that he kept it cool. To be fair, he _was_ getting excited.

[@donalmcevoy6441]

@@dragonfly9821 also helps that he’s Irish and has no actual stake in the English performers lol

[@ohh4643]

@@donalmcevoy6441 yeah and that and it was pretty given the vote would go to Ukraine

[@alfieayling3812]

my favourite one was when one of the jury votes was being announced and the speaker was taking ages and graham said “come on it’s not a TED talk”

[@THERAVIOSART_]

💀💀💀

[@hanasan4845]

„What? We're going to have to host?“ hits different watching it now

[@alexoakden9016]

"Someone's getting nervous at the BBC" had me dead😂

[@crazychickenakame]

I never heard of this guy before, but he is a million times funnier than the German on. I'm considering watching next year the British broadcast just for him

[@hotwasabi_]

oh you absolutely should. most of us in britain only watch eurovision for his commentary.

[@kJ922-h3j]

You’ve never seen any clips of celebrities on the Graham Norton Show? There’s some iconic moments look it up 👍

[@crazychickenakame]

@@kJ922-h3j now I'm intrigued 🤔

[@kJ922-h3j]

@@crazychickenakame start with Greg Davies’ story with Ryan Golsing losing it 👍

[@queeny5613]

Yeah I just watch for the commenrary

[@louise8929]

one of my favourite one-liners from graham is from last year's show, "we've got some amazing singers tonight, and well, some, some as flat as holland"

[@zoskaa321]

"It looked a bit dodgy there for a minute, what we're going to have to host?!" Famous last words

[@certainperson9869]

" the hotel looks a lot nicer from the air", lol

[@MartychM]

1:44 lol 🤣 "Put down the phone, grandad!", his whole commentary about Spain is funny, Chanel ended up wearing less by the end of that amazing performance!

[@timecrayon]

"someone in the bbc is getting nervous" is so much better in retrospect

[@lvmln7843]

you know what, im jealous of people from english speaking countries who can watch Eurovision without their commentator having to be both a bad translator and a bad commentator :/ like if you think the italian gesture thing was bad imagine watching it with some unfunny Polish guy trying to translate what's going on as the bit goes on on top of it. absolutely imcomprehensible

[@Lena-pw4zk]

I'm from Germany and I watch the bbc version each year because the German comentator sucks. Graham commentary is well worth the buffering and overrun server issues

[@MS-bk7lv]

That's why the swedish commentary is great, he rarley translates anything because most swedes understand english very well, and he's also nearly as sarcastic as Graham Norton in his comments lol

[@Wolfgrand]

Aye m8 I wish I watched it on BBC, but turned into TVP for my mum.. The fecker didn't even notice the "Holland/Poland" mistake and just kept talking his own shit instead of translating. He is a good host for morning shows, but keep him away from Eurovision.

[@greenie15]

@@MS-bk7lv yesss

[@TheLastCrusader22]

@@MS-bk7lv Yeah Edvard is great. Literally the reason to watch it. It just wasn't the same when Sweden was hosting and he couldn't be there to do the commentary because he was involved with producing the show, including writing the script. But it was back on form this year! What a legend. I won'tssay he's as sarcastic as Graham, nor as dry, but he's definitely witty and fun

[@belgimenez]

“and how confident are they…performing AND hosting a bbq at the same time”

[@benzaiten933]

the best part about Euro Vision is Graham Norton's increasingly drunk commentary - and now with this compilation I don't even have to drudge through the show!

[@Pikkabuu]

So it is true that he goes to the commentators box with a bottle of Scotch?

[@vertigo10yearsago25]

@@Pikkabuu if it is then that makes it 10x better

[@mysticgirl916]

When Graham took over as UK commentator, Terry Wogan gave him a sage piece of advice: don't start drinking until the 9th song. So ever since Terry's death in 2016, Graham proposes a toast during the postcard intro for the 9th song in the final

[@MrsGreenSock]

This felt like his Drag Race judging at times and I LOVED IT

[@OwainCynanRoberts]

Well, he does appear on the UK series, so it's not surprising.

[@peepsiee]

The deadpan "I'm making a gesture" at 1:23 is so so goood

[@that_child2292]

Another one that isn’t here is he was going on about Marius Bear, and the shot cut to some big guys in the audience and Graham said something like “there’s some more bears there too”

[@lorofcb3]

France finishes: and now follows a human sacrifice 😂

[@KD_Oliveira]

that would be lit tho... -jk

[@SacClass650]

"I'm sending a letter to Daddy" 😄😄

[@ddjr6673]

@Writing me too!!!

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

The dress certainly did have those "Baby Jane" vibes. A classic camp reference :-D

[@madabbafan]

I was tyink8ng the twins from the film of The Shining

[@lostlollipop]

Thanks so very much for making this! People were talking too loudly at the Eurovision party I was at so I missed some of this hilarious Graham content.

[@wohdinhel]

“I think that’s what you call… sexy” *VIOLENT SQUIRREL NOISES*

[@lauravision2791]

“He’s mad about equality” 😂

[@Deedee-ee1sg]

The presenters banter between them all is usually excruciating, but it's all part of the fun of EUROVISION! Graham Norton is always brilliant with his quips and one-liners! This years show was FABULOUS!! Watching the scoreboard and the UK getting to 2nd place was wonderful!!

[@MDZS101]

Graham Norton is truly one of the best things about Eurovision. Without him I’d barely be concentrating!

[@mendelynn]

As a German, I feel robbed of Graham's moderation every year.

[@ElloLoJo]

“Iss me, I have the puffy nose” is the funniest thing an ESC host has ever said

[@flankspeed]

"There now follows a human sacrifice." Deadpan 😙👌

[@sandraallen8832]

The little giggle he does when he first sees the woman in space 😂

[@williamchapple8886]

I love you can tell how drunk he was at that point just by the laugh

[@hammersmikey1739]

"She's got her shopping in the shoulder" 🤣🤣🤣

[@duckydae]

“it looked a bit dodgy there for a minute. what were going to have to HOST?” 😂 truly couldn’t have aged better.

[@mattsmurfy]

"ooooh dearrr" at 3:33 absolutely killed me hahaha!

[@Dlipton01]

I mean, it really was a rather disappointing bulge 😉

[@kaleidoscopic_star]

And then "I don't what they're paying him, but it's not enough" 😭🤣

[@James0507]

“Probably some relieved people back at the BBC. It looked a bit dodgy there for a minute. What, we’re going to have to host?!” Graham may have spoken too soon.

[@belodie]

""We're going to have to host?"" And then we did.

[@somehowbeau]

"probably some relieved people at the bbc... 'what we're going to have to host?'" graham sweetheart you had no clue

[@juliettesirkis]

Thank you so much for uploading this. It's the only way I can hear Graham's commentary and I always look forward to that.

[@NekoHibaCosplay]

Italian here, I'll explain the joke at 1:23 That gesture is called "Pucciare/Inzuppare il biscotto" (soaking the biscuit, like i.e. in milk during breakfast) and is an innuendo for "having sex", that's why Pausini and Cattellan stopped Mika 😂 If Graham knew too, he would had spit fire comment on that I'm still wondering how Mika knew that, I mean he lived in Italy for quite some time since he's been a judge on X-Factory Italy for a few seasons, but the fact that he actually studied Italy gestures, even the more ambiguous ones, is a thought that makes me burst me in laugh every time

[@emeraldsroses0524]

Didn’t he also grow up in Italy for a few years when he was younger? That may explain the hand gestures.

[@NekoHibaCosplay]

​@@emeraldsroses0524 no, Mika lived in Paris and London for most of his youth, he started living in Italy when he was chosen to be a mentor on X-Factor at least since 2013, he still own an house in Tuscany but as far as I know he still resides in London most of the time when he's not on tour or working around the world. Yes, I know that actually my comment is incorrect, he had all the time to learn to gesticulate, I was just being sarcastic 🤣and he also speaks perfect Italian tbh

[@emeraldsroses0524]

@@NekoHibaCosplay thanks for this. And I find his Italian to be impeccable.

[@J.o.s.h.u.a.]

Io onestamente sono rimasto un po' confuso perché quel gesto non l'ho mai visto. L'ho capito solo dalla reazione scioccata della Pausini che si riferiva all'espressione "pucciare il biscotto"...

[@monicaferrari7139]

@@J.o.s.h.u.a.I have never seen that gesture either and I'm from Milan. It will be typical of Southern Italy. Mika, on the other hand, knows all Italian gestures, from the Alps to the Mediterranean Sea😂

[@Anonymouse85]

Graham is such a treasure, I don't live in the UK but always turn to the BBC whenever this sham of a show is on, solely for Graham's snarky comments. He's the best!

[@LayllasLocker]

UK may get low points in ESC, but they win every year by having Graham commentating on the show.

[@andrewjsmith4585]

I'd be the first to put my hand up - I reckoned no one could beat Terry. I was so wrong. Norton's brilliant. He really gets Eurovision. Long may he reign.

[@jet687]

Hahaha! The last part was funny. From not giving a shit to "now we have to pay for the whole thing?" 🤣🤣🤣

[@lilymccarthy5447]

One of my favourite one-liners was from a performance where 2 men were running in gerbil wheels and after the performance, Graham Norton said, "proving just because you can, doesn't mean you should."

[@mistermagicmusic]

I’m pretty sure that was the opera guy from 2013.

[@lilymccarthy5447]

@@mistermagicmusic yeah you're right

[@sdeclermont]

i need more of Graham's commentary, i mean i need it all

[@shoyomakesstuff]

the relief at the end when he realised he didn't have to host... and then he did anyways

[@emeraldsroses0524]

I live in The Netherlands, but have been watching ESC on the BBC for as long as I can remember back in the days of Terry Wogan (“floozy in the jacuzzi” is one of the most memorable quotes from him) and I still watch it now for Graham’s commentary. I will cry if the BBC is ever taken off of my digital provider. I have to miss the semis on BBC 3 because they stopped the contract with them.

[@kyrla]

Luckily(?) Graham Norton only does the final, not the semifinals

[@marks.6480]

??? AFAIK "Floozy in the Jacuzzi" is a statue/fountain in Birmingham featuring a naked lady (the floozy) in a water basin (the jacuzzi).

[@emeraldsroses0524]

@@marks.6480 I thought it was one in Dublin

[@marks.6480]

@@emeraldsroses0524 Nope. It was reopened after renovations earlier this week and i saw that on BBC TV. UPDATE: actually, the same moniker is also used for a statue in Dublin. So we are both right.

[@lavenderl1255]

Not here but his running gag when france has to announce the points and during one editions of esc they gave the UK only 1 point and he was like 'One point? We built a tunnel to your contry' I DIED

[@karlJCompton]

What I love the most is reading the comments from people outside of the UK who enjoy grahams comments. I hope people don’t get offended by them as to a non native English speaker, he may sound rude but it is just simply British humour.

[@TheGreatCalsby]

Graham Norton captures the British public perception of Eurovision perfectly. We love it - we just also expect the worst.

[@echtblikbonen]

I'm convinced he does this with wine

[@emeraldsroses0524]

Wine is tame. Try whiskey.

[@rachhrachh1]

“There are 108 million people watching this” got me chuckling

[@severiinliiv7652]

“what, we’re going to have to host?! 😃” 🤣🤣

[@OwainCynanRoberts]

We will be now.

[@ariccua6101]

I know he co-hosted this year, but we want one for 2023!

[@LaurenandtheCrew]

"But down the phone Grandad!" After Spain's performance had me HOWLING 🤣🤣

[@cherrytomaatje]

Thank you for making this compilation! I was looking for this - love Graham with his colorful commentary

[@MichaelHolmgaard]

Petition to have the British Eurovision coverage broadcast for all of Europe

[@tocraneandcrane]

I’d trade my country’s boring commentator for Graham Norton in a heartbeat :( the UK is so lucky

[@franseph]

Graham: "Well, we're going to have to host?" Well... Yes!

[@lukacsmarcellkiss]

"they performing and Hosting a barbecue at the same time"😂🤣

[@katiebland7985]

Too funny!

[@devanman7920]

He's so good at this. Himself and the late great Terry Wogan were both fantastic at this.

[@veesvoyages]

Eurovision wouldn't be the same without Graham's commentary😆

[@danzafrir2900]

Graham Norton is an absolute LEGEND. Hope he keeps his snark as host this year!

[@mothturtle7897]

If we ever end up hosting again, I hope we won't lose out on Graham's commentary!

[@jamesmt142]

It's been confirmed this week that we won't - Graham's said on This Morning that he still wants to commentate, not present.

[@lukebrown5017]

“Probably some relieved people back at the BBC… what we’re going to have to host?” Ohhh how well this aged🤣🤣🤣

[@canny_linguist]

"She's got her shopping in that shoulder" 😂

[@Aaron_Sievers]

„He‘s mad about equality“ 😂😂😂

[@AdZS848]

Thanks for putting this up!! I love Graham Norton's commentary and I don't get to see it since I moved out of Britain

[@sash_iii]

the IRONY of the last line 😭

[@shonashow]

One thing I miss about living in England is Graham Norton's commentary

[@evadepeva11]

Thanks for putting this together! I wish I could've watched this version of Eurovision :'D

[@petitmeowmeow]

"there are one hundred and eighty million people watching this" is possibly the most passive aggressive savage comment ever aired on television.

[@marijacvijanovic5352]

Looking for this all day. Tnx for posting.

[@AlexFilozof1996]

Duska bila bolja. Fora je da se ovako i prenosi Evrovizija, sa sprdnjom i sarkazmom

[@AlexFilozof1996]

Duska bila bolja. Fora je da se ovako i prenosi Evrovizija, sa sprdnjom i sarkazmom

[@bigpigeon2002]

As a Brit, "Someone at the BBC is getting nervous." Made me loose my shit.

[@djddog5_hiphoptappjazzclub42]

Thank you SO much for posting this.

[@riderj123]

0:19 Graham thought Laura finished her performance but Laura wasn't is my favourite bit from Graham Norton in Eurovision 2022

[@Sjs3451]

My favourite is during the Italian hand gesture bit "I'm making a gesture"

[@OliverDobbs]

“What, we’re going to have to host?” ☠️

[@sarahglover3286]

The whole "BBC worrying they're going to have to host" thing is hilarious now! Plot twist, you came second but still hosted!

[@buddhidev7877]

Would like to hear his commentary as always. He's so hilarious

[@sileylav]

"It was looking a bit dodgy there for a minute... wait we're gonna have to HOST!?" umm... yeah you are

[@Someone-tf1tk]

The shirt shortage of 2022 was the funniest shit ever, change my mind