Assassin's Creed Chronicles (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Assassin's Creed Chronicles.
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[@Silvershadowfire]

I like to think that Yahtzee said "Assassin's Creed: Armageddon" and someone at Ubisoft went "Shit" and tore up a planning sheet.

[@glav2948]

I’m just picturing Mr Boss Man saying to the intern “Yeah, we’re not doing that.” followed by the intern going “Ha ha, yeah.” as they conspicuously put a paper into the shredder

[@BlueAversion]

Theres rumours they have a Scandinavian setting in the works that will be called AC Ragnarok, which is the local equivalent of Armageddon, so if that happens they won't be far off

[@hazama0634]

BlueAversion so assassins creed Viking edition? What the fuck are they going to halfarsedly connect it to? the viking invasion of Britain?

[@MasterCharlie104]

@@hazama0634 Hello I'm from the future and I'm here to inform you that's exactly what those lovable hacks at Ubisoft have done.

[@hazama0634]

MasterCharlie104 ... good lord they are barely hiding their laziness

[@nakenmil]

I am of course expecting the inevitable reboot game simply called "Assassin's Creed" that ignores all previous numbering.

[@TheInfoPanda]

Ok

[@nis5e]

Hopefully it'll be about assassinations again, like a renaissance Hitman without the world-government-conspiracy-nonsense.

[@uzzi3760]

Still not happened yet lol, im surprised

[@LetsPlayKradnium]

Fuck Assassins Creed: Armageddon, I want Assassins Creed & Knuckles

[@plaguedoctor3782]

+Wheatcrop I want Assassins Cread 3cd & Knuckles & Knuckles.

[@drakan4769]

+Wheatcrop I think we're at "assassins creed boom" right now though...

[@plaguedoctor3782]

Drakan R Assassins Cread 016, actually.

[@PrincessFelicie]

+Wheatcrop Featuring Dante from the devil may cry series.

[@soschar2050]

+Wheatcrop What about "Assassin's Creed Revelations of the Chronicled Reloaded Revolution Episode 2 Part 1 Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series"?

[@Patchnote2.0]

"...but I don't think this industry can afford to let writing standards slip any lower. They're already wheelchair accessible." Pure gold. Pure freaking gold.

[@ribby9069]

Rise of the Assassin's Creed Assassin's Creed Reborn

[@MrSamulai]

+Ribby Don't forget: Assassin's Greed Rises and Rebirth of the Assassin's Greed

[@IWxGH05T]

+MrSamulai greed?

[@doctoreggnog6644]

+Ribby Assassin's Creed Adventure Assassin's Creed Tamers Assassin's Creed Frontier. Nope wait, that's Digimon.

[@ninetailedfox579121]

+Ribby Return of the Rise of the Assassin's Creed Reborn: Reckoning

[@JudeX9]

Assassin's Creed: Revengeance

[@alexpskywalker]

Assassins Creed "Forever"

[@RasoKye]

IT SUCKED BACK THEN, AND IT WILL SUCK FOREVER.

[@KeystoneHeavy58]

+Batman "We Love Assassin's Creed"

[@fakkuyuu69]

+KeystoneHeavy58 Touch My Assassin

[@GuyOnAChair]

Hail to the king baby!

[@nzkisawol]

+Batman "Assassin's Creed and Robin."

[@TheLunasticks]

Assassins Creed: RESURRECTION Assassins Creed: RETRIBUTION Assassins Creed: REVENGE Assassins Creed: REDISTRIBUTION Let's get all the clichés out of the way, why not?

[@GLL98]

Rise of the Assassins Creed

[@MTThought]

Creed: With Arms Wide Open

[@TheSuperMerc]

+MTThought Creed: Drinking All Night

[@TheProfet24]

+The Lunatic Fridge Assassins Creed: Christmas Special

[@TROGDOR150]

+Black Sheep Rise of the Planet of the Assassins Creed Oh, wait. I just noticed this happened an hour ago on another comment. Damn.

[@TheLastPredAlien]

*Assassin's Creed: Evolution* Where you play as a cyborg Assassin and must defeat the radioactive mutant Templars! Set inside Monsanto's genetic engineering laboratories in post-Singularity America. Find the Golden McNugget of Eden before the Templars use it to magically enslave all the fat kids!

[@J05TI]

Sounds pretty fun actually!

[@TheMiniVader]

other ways ive learned to say assassins creed by watching this video: -stabbing enthusiasts dogma -murderers ideology -executioners catechism lmfao

[@grahamkristensen9301]

"All ideological movements with no specific end goal inevitably descend into just another group with no other purpose expect to sustain its own existence and shun the opposition. That's why debating on the Internet is like trying to headbutt a brontosaurus to death." Slow clap Mr. Croshaw. Slow. Fucking. Clap.

[@JustAndre92]

That comparison to _It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World_ was genius.

[@The_Viktor_Reznov]

Not even 30 seconds in and I am laughing so much.

[@Jirodyne]

+Viktor Reznov "Assassin's Creed" That alone is laugh worthy. They had an awesome idea. I mean, you play as an assassin, stabbing people. That's awesome, simple, and fun! And yet somehow they fucked it up, every single game!

[@slenderminion2229]

+jirodyne Well, the second and fourth ones were good.

[@Jirodyne]

Joel Schembri The story WAS good... When it was Templars are assholes trying to rule and Assassins are assassinating them for the good of the world. Then they added in the 'future' and all the things in game are events in the past. Basically then, you have no choices. In fact, based on that premise you shouldn't even have any side quests or optional stuff, because it's either you're past self did that, or did not and thus isn't in the dna. Then they added in... What was it, aliens? Achient Beings? Magical glowing object of world ending power that somehow only the Templar and Assassins know about and no one else in the world. -- Like I said, it had a good and fun idea that should have been easy. Then they fucked it up! Shouldn't have had the magical objects, shouldn't have had it being DNA coding and just a simulator. Should have just been you are assassinating people in power because those people are corrupt and need to die. Simple. Easy. Fun.

[@The_Viktor_Reznov]

***** I was talking with my friend and we agreed that it should be just assassins and Templars without the whole magic bullshit and simulators. Slenderminion​ The fourth one wasn't an AC game... It was a pirate game.

[@Gubbles]

+Viktor Reznov my favorit iz blödlines on da psp

[@Johnnythat1dude]

Assassin's Creed Chronicles: For those places that aren't western.

[@_doxinho]

Because 1 and revelations were western?

[@Greyghostvol1]

+Johnnythat1 Dude Hmm...I think you're right. I mean, there's Revelations, but that's still just the middle east. I guess Ubisoft can't be bothered with any area and nation east of modern day Turkey.

[@kappatalism6969]

+Johnnythat1 Dude aren't the games about his assassin ancestors?

[@Greyghostvol1]

hahahahahatimes5 After three? Not really.

[@gmsh3794]

+Johnnythat1 Dude Dude we need assassin's creed in the old west

[@DannyBReviews]

"Assassin's Creed: Armageddon" Actually sounds like an awesome game!

[@paradoxacres1063]

Both Templars and Assassins have to (grudgingly) work together to stop an Alien Invasion! (May or may not steal ideas from Independence Day and XCOM)

[@BlueBD]

+Paradox Acres If by aliens you mean the precursors Then sure. They doing something with Juno arent they?

[@acephantom903]

+Paradox Acres Didn't one of the games mention aliens? This could be feasible in their universe.

[@BlueBD]

acephantom903 I don't think there are actual aliens But the First civilization is more then alien like.

[@acephantom903]

Blue★ Maybe that is what I was thinking of. :) I only played 2 through completion and it ended with the Pagan Deities are actual creatures which created humans? I can't remember too well.

[@uberethair]

Somewhere a UbiSoft executive dejectedly wipes 'Armageddon' off a white board.

[@ThunderPsyker]

Assassin's Creed RevolutionRevelationRedemptionRetributionReloadedReconcilliationRetalliationRevenganceRedefinedRetiredRebootedReconceptionReinterceptedRecoveredRecollectedRecommendedRecommittedRecompensatedReconstitutedRecordedRecountedRecruitedReducedRedressedReducedRedactedRememberedRemasteredRemovedRenewedRepeatedRepentedRepercussedRepresentedReportedRepressedReproducedReprintedReassembledReservedResolutionRessurectedRetracedReunitedRevealedRevivedReach

[@Billaxle]

+ThunderPsyker *Redacted lol...

[@uncle_a1255]

+ThunderPsyker 420/10

[@Fuppy636]

+ThunderPsyker Repeated is the right word my friend.

[@ENCHANTMEN_]

Don't forget Assassins' Creed!

[@underwater1997]

"--the reckoning"

[@nickj.648]

"You can't spell assassin without sin! And twice the ass!" -Deadpool, Marvel vs Capcom 3

[@darkartsdabbler2407]

Pretty sure that line comes from a comic

[@nis5e]

+Dark Arts Dabbler Funny, every time i hear something redeeming about the superhero movie industry, it's immediately followed up by "...and that good idea was originally featured in a comic from 30 years ago".

[@TheMayorofSpace]

i legitimately had no clue this was even announced. i feel like this is happening more and more with me and the ac series

[@Parthornax]

Assassins Creed the reboot not the first one

[@SherlockHyde]

+Captain SkullFace OH, you're talking about "The Assassin's Creed."

[@haruhisuzumiya6650]

+Captain SkullFace I bet it would be in the based in the 5th crusade?

[@slimebo1]

We will just call in Assassin's Creed 06

[@addviolence911]

+Dmx Ninjz I Lol'd

[@Boolus]

"Shit gets stabbed" is from now on what I'll tell people when they ask about the plot of AC.

[@HaIsKuL]

The writing being "already wheelchair accessible" is fucking hilarious and genius XD

[@Jimboola]

I wait the 90's settling for "Assassins Creed: Bo Selecta" - it will be totally 'dope'!

[@imageeknotanerd9897]

The subtitles like "Unity" and "Syndicate" are just silly. Call it "Assassin's Creed: Paris" or "Assassin's Creed: London". Just name it after the setting, since that's how everyone's going to remember it.

[@baldman7738]

I'm a geek, not a nerd they should just number them.

[@merrittanimation7721]

Do they mean anything in context anyways?

[@darkartsdabbler2407]

+Bald Man really, really? Just number them? That's a great idea until you realize we'd be at like assassins creed 16 in a years time

[@omdhdk]

Dark Arts Dabbler the numbers would make it a lot more obvious that they’re milking the series 😂

[@mekelius]

Aaand we can add origins to the list

[@riteasrain]

Thank you for mentioning "writing standards"!

[@VictorianClambake]

"Assassins Creed: Origins" was announced so that's another cliche subtitle checked off.

[@xZimnii]

I friggin love your metaphors. I'm also extremely happy that they're taking a year off. I couldn't even finish Syndicate despite how much I liked the main characters. The gameplay was just so unimpressive. Hopefully this break will lead to a game as enjoyable as I found 2 and Brotherhood to be.

[@Fushba_]

Assassin's Creed: Revelations Assassin's Creed: Chronicles Assassin's Creed: Angel of Darkness Assassin's Creed: Legend Assassin's Creed: Anniversary Assassin's Creed: Underworld Then the reboot: Assassin's Creed Rise of the Assassin's Creed

[@WigginMillerGames]

Assassin's creed is the McDonald's of video games. No one even notices when a new one is released.

[@chunkychicken9742]

Not a fantastic comparison

[@WigginMillerGames]

+Chunky Chicken Well your mum is fantastic

[@chunkychicken9742]

+Wiggin Miller sorry didn't mean to offend you :'(

[@WigginMillerGames]

+Chunky Chicken

[@Glaman14]

+Wiggin Miller I prefer to say that this title would go to Call of Duty, because at least, both of them are sucessful, whether we like or not. AC is more close to Burger King, where nobody gives a grap anymore, even if it tries to become revelant again.

[@ALotad]

wait when was this game a thing?

[@paperbag2410]

I just sort of showed up one day, like every other one the AC games lately

[@josh-oo]

+cyanmanta They keep escaping from the research facility.

[@pearsetraynor9142]

+cyanmanta Terry Pratchett had the idea in his Disc-world series that when people think something up,it exists. So some guy some day thought of the 2D Assassin's Creed games. Ties in with your idea at least,pretty much shuts down rational thought,but it makes sense in this situation

[@TrollBreaker]

+A Lotad A wild Assassin's Creed game appeared!

[@qqq386]

+A Lotad 2009

[@chrisjones5949]

"About as much fun as trying to prise your genitals from the workings of a grandfather clock" I died. XD

[@thejellyfisher5009]

Lets start it up now. Assassin's Creed: SVU , Assassin's Creed: Mordern Warfare , Assassin's Creed: Greatest Stabs Collector's Edition

[@OmegaSoypreme]

Assassins Creed: The Quickening Assassins Creed: Through the Portal of Time

[@dh599]

That bit of the head under the assassins hood, it isn't an illuminated bit of his face it the D of the :D emoji... I can't unsee.

[@PunksterOS]

Assassin's Creed: Armageddensickofthem

[@fruitsalad5802]

it's come to the point where I don't even realize new Assassin's Creed games are even coming out anymore. I didn't know with Brotherhood, and I didn't know with this one, they just come out so fucking often that I've been conditioned to not notice them when they do.

[@ThePokefrantic]

I gotta ask- Is The Escapist youtube channel basically just ran by Yhatzee now?

[@ThePokefrantic]

Tiwaking Tiwaking I thought so, I just didn't want to make assumptions.

[@Firestar4041]

+Reshriham I think its similar to That Guy With The Glasses, Other people are there but Yahtzee ends up being the more entertaining of the lot, and his throbbing shadow consumes them all.

[@jimthecheesecrumpet]

4:00, comrade Yahtzee admits it!

[@eeek143]

Can't wait for Assassin's Creed Racing

[@finnlavelle637]

lol

[@ditroy1974]

eeek143 Assassin's Cart

[@TheOneAndOnlyP6]

I'm just imagining a Ubisoft worker stromes in the conference room, showing this video with the armagedon part and on the big projector in the background is a powerpoint presentation about AC:Amragedon for 2017.

[@squigglezdh375]

Wow I'm early I should make a joke Unity

[@Billaxle]

+squigglez DH _*Snrrk!_ Oh you!

[@bloodstoneore4630]

+squigglez DH actual LOL

[@Nikke-nn5mn]

game or engine

[@sora3mo168]

Assassins Creed Rogue was actually fun and brought the whole idea of "are the Assassins really the good guys here?" to the table. The seekers really annoy me sometimes but they seem like they should be there.

[@RaidsEpicly]

"The mix of tenses make me unmixedly tense!"

[@Dovah21]

The Assassin's Creed Holiday Special! Starring Art Carney and Harvey Korman.

[@yonotananari2794]

After a year of being subbed i just realized this channel has other people on it too

[@Komnen0s]

Assassin's Creed: Poo in the Loo

[@ПетрПетров-о6ъ9н]

+nice meme SHITTING

[@deathbymugging]

+Komnenos D E S I G N A T E D

[@malevolution7041]

Electric Boogaloo.

[@Billaxle]

+Komnenos Assassin's Creed: And the Curse of the Hairy Potty

[@clintjanes3784]

Your /pol/ is showing.

[@richardhowells5804]

This genuinely cheerd me up so much, after a day of intolerable rage inducing incompetence. Good on ya Yahtzee, you'be been keeping me sane for some time now. I heard that little note in you voice, during your word deconstruction. That amused just as much as thinking about the word like that. glad to hear that little bit of amusement for you too :) stay frosty and keep keep being a proper dude

[@AmanojakuPenguin]

UnderRise of the Assassin's Creed Armageddon: Rising: Revengeance: Enter the Gecko: Age of Revelations Ultimate Ninja Storm Xenoverse and Knuckles Platinum Version for Wii U and 3DS featuring Dante from the Evil May Cry series

[@AmanojakuPenguin]

*Devil

[@TheHunsonAbadeer]

the crossover lovers thingy he mentioned @ 02:09 already happened back in the ancient days when altaïr shagged a templar girl

[@mehmetersoy7380]

Set the speed of the video to 0.5 and listen to the intro music. Pretty fucking cool. After so many years I can't believe I've only just thought to do this for a Yahtzee video.

[@phayknaim2711]

2017 - Pirate's Creed: Swag dat Booty

[@liampendergast8670]

I'm looking forward to when he reviews The Witness. He loved Braid so you know he's at least going to talk about it.

[@houstondragon]

I'm in the middle of replaying AC: Brotherhood, and plan to play through Black Flag. The game just went off the rails and lost its way when it ended the Desmond plot, and just has been too bland. Unity was bugged all to hell and terrible, and I've not been able to even bother with Syndicate. Give us some good plots again, and characters we care about.

[@Ward1706]

"Assassins and Templars both chasing after another magical maguffin. Shit gets stabbed." Pretty much the entire Assassin's Creed series in one fell swoop.

[@ZombryaTheDark]

that Michael j fox joke..

[@HeyLaserLips]

I can't believe how few people picked up on it. xD

[@Volvith]

You know what AC's problem is? The fact that that question is self-answering, in that AC is AC's problem.

[@TheHaHaNinja]

Assassin's Creed : Revengeance

[@somedude4533]

One of my favorite AC Chronicals moment was "No, you can not climb that building, what do you think this is, an Assassin's Creed game?".

[@somedude4533]

This was in AC Chronicals India

[@lightingale]

Assassin's Creed zer0 - Japan Only Assassin's Creed Online - PC Only Assassin's Creed *insert cool word here* - coming soon/

[@TheHeadHunter1000]

OMG you have to go into sound, ( your audio speaker properties), enhancements, then sewer pipe. It adds so much more immersion to Yahzee.

[@LaylaSpellwind]

Here in the UK it's Arsearseins Creed.

[@alranican]

Holy punctuation, I'm really early!

[@nicholasgallagher3406]

With the setup to his closing joke being, "we've already had a "Chronicles" and a "Revelation,"" I thought for sure his closing prod would go Biblically ironic; something like, "so I assume the inevitable reboot or prequel to the first one will be Genesis? Oh, I /so/ look forward to AC: Kings volumes 1 and 2!"

[@zoobMer]

with that ending, now I can't wait for AC: Awakening.

[@radosawrzonca3425]

one day, a few years from now, when AC Armageddon will come out, i will come back to this vid, with a cigar and a fine whiskey and cherish the fact that i was here when yahtzee first predicted it.

[@morrelcorvus7080]

And when AssCreed gets the "Armageddon" subtitle, we're all going to have a right big laugh...And then a really long cry.

[@MisterArse]

"Curry scented stiffy" holy shit I'm dead

[@Shonki91]

Well the new AC is going to be called Ragnarok so its technically Armageddon

[@jotabeas22]

Today in How To Ubisoft, we dive in the uncanny yet invaluable, irreplaceable deed of beating a dead horse.

[@argella1300]

Hey, why not give us a full game or DLC with Shao Jun (like they did with Aveline from AC3)? She was a really interesting character, even though she only showed up in a little short film that wrapped up Ezio's story (RIP Ezio), and it would be really cool to see a part of Asia that doesn't have as much contact with the West. Constantinople was really neat, and it was great seeing Jerusalem, but I'd be interested to see China during the Renaissance period. There's TONS of fascinating history you could dig into there, and the audience of Assassin's Creed isn't as familiar with Chinese history compared to western European history. This could be an opportunity to really push the extra Animus database entries that give you a historical insight to the forefront, the player would be learning about the history and culture of China alongside the character.

[@Forkez]

Incoming Assassin's Creed: Japan where there's a big quick timey fight against a godzilla-type monster, which is also timed and just ridden with collectables. Of course there will be no mention of the monster ever again, as if the whole thing was a dream, but you still HAVE to pass the time limit to continue the story.

[@dreadrabbit]

i enjoy the juke towards the offensive. keep it up

[@NathanCassidy721]

You know, despite Ubisoft contradicting themselves, we've already have some great games come out to cover up that fact. Games like Pony Island and Crashlands.

[@rasundesilva6088]

As many don't know, there's a mobile game releasing on February 25th called Assassin's Creed Identity.

[@Playinghaloin2004]

I give it 3 years at most before we have remastered Assassin's creed games

[@aidankeogh9994]

"Maybe organised some kind of good-natured sports day." I'd buy that game.

[@alex_experience9188]

I've been watching ZP for years now.. I never noticed that it's the shadow of the hood and not just a giant gaping mouth on the assassin...

[@HTFFanOfFlaky]

Fun Fact: Assassins were named after a specific group of mercenaries who were forcibly given an addiction to Hashish and promised a fix if they killed someone.

[@Urahara1001]

Assassins Creed: Apocalypse. This time it's set in the distant future when the world has fallen to zombies, and now you have to take the killing skills you've learned from living through the memories of all the other assassins creeds to go out and slaughter your way to safety. Half way through there's a plot twist where you realize that the zombies were right all along, become one, and then you have to kill your way back through the remains of humanity. The game ends with your love interest, whom you've had pretty much no interaction with, let alone an emotional connection to, is the last surviving human, attempts to shoot you as you're shuffling toward her, but then her emotions get the better of her and she flings herself into your arms while you nibble away. She turns and the two of you stumble off into the sun set and just before the screen cuts to black, M Night Shyamalan is finally able to achieve orgasm.

[@PurpleWarlock]

Templars vs Assassins rivalry is getting old. Tea Party and Occupy have a lot in common no doubt.

[@allenhernandez3350]

That quote about ideological movements hits so hard. I’m an ex Mormon because I married a nonMormon and my family literally disowned me for it. To put it in perspective my brother is in prison for rape and the family still holds him in high regard because he’s stalwart and true to the faith and all that.

[@kobalt_ren01]

Assassin's Creed Unleashed could be about a rogue Assassin getting revenge on both Assassins and Templars.

[@rustyshovel7179]

+RobotSnake Nah, he would become a werewolf for no reason.

[@kobalt_ren01]

Youngerhampster With a squirrel next to him fantasising over pastries.

[@LiamPennington]

There are certain words where the Aussie accent takes over. "Midriff" being the word here.

[@BaneDane_JB]

AC 3, Rogue, and Unity already covered the ideologies of Assassins and Templars and even had them working together at points, what we really need is for the writing to just not suck. They built up Desmond, killed him off and haven't actually done anything at all ever since. In Rogue the first person character we don't see became a Templar, but saying someone we don't know became a Templar is as pointless as introducing any other Templar character ever. Stop walking in place AC.

[@nonamebrandorangejuice]

LONG time fan and just bought hatfall. After awhile I wanted to watch the show

[@ts25679]

Assassin's Creed Armageddon: Now I'm imagining a game that mixes Assassins with Saint's Row IV craziness as Bruce Willis tries to get you on the doomsday asteroid to stab it in the sweet spot.

[@kougawolf6282]

Assassin Creed Line graph fall hard with both Unity & Sdynicate and slowly staying straight with the chronicle series.

[@dms110D]

*370 or so days later* Yahtzee: "really, Ubisoft? Are you really that out of names, that you had to resort to ARMAGEDDON?"

[@ZapperBoy99]

You can tell this video was written a week or so ago because Ubisoft announced Assasins Creed Identity a few days ago

[@DownWithLogic]

Get ready for the next installment! Assassins Creed 7: We Gave Up After Brotherhood

[@AlexusDelphi]

The next AC will be subtitled "Returns".

[@allmightypixel9770]

zero punctuation the good left on this channel

[@molagbal7961]

"like Michael J Fox with a TV remote"... I spat my toothpaste out! deliberately, into the sink, but still...

[@Macswaggens]

Anyone else notice Yahtzee getting the order when he lists things off wrong? For example: 5:16

[@ProxyDoug]

And you don't see many brontosaurus walking around theses days, do you Yahtzee? You're fucking welcome!

[@buddha4567]

Can you please review The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age? It's a truly dreadful game, but I also couldn't help but LOVE playing it. Especially with a second player.

[@masterzenkaichi6837]

LOVE the animations

[@WarbossGoreGutz]

"Assassins Creed: we ran out of names so just stab the fuck out of everything while becoming a sofa baron"

[@MoonlitLycan]

It'd be absolutely hilarious if "Assassin's Creed: Armageddon" was the name of the upcoming film.

[@michaelmutranowski123]

that would be the best remake in history. The assassins and the Templars sending Bruce Willis and Ben Afflack into space to blow up a giant asteroid and steal a golden thingy. Awesome!