244. Me and My Matron: A Journey to Hel

[@JandM112]

Kali showed herself to me through the bush in my front yard. I had never noticed it before until I started looking for signs form a matron deity and the blossoms are red. People of the Hindu faith normally leave red flowers as offerings for Kali and immediately I picked some for her. Sometimes signs aren't lightning bolts and beings descending from the skies, it's something as simple as noticing a flower growing in your home for the first time at the right moment.

[@Halseer]

I remember after being at my lowest point of my life, and that is when Hela came to me and get me to stand again. That was January of last year and she has been with me ever since. I am beyond thankful for her standing up for me even when I did not. She always will be in my life, and for what she has done for me she is more than deserving of my dedication. Lastly, she had guided me to this video last year when learning about her and she said to watch this in a year and say what happens then. :)

[@aranyanifox4375]

"Hel has been made real by all the energy that was invested in her and by all the times Vikings called her name." That is, in a nutshell, Rupert Sheldrake's theory of morphogenetic fields. Fantastic insights, excellent video, as usual.

[@Strega_del_Corvo]

I had an experience with Hecate that blew me away. It came in the form of multiple black dogs, both in real life and in symbol. I have been pagan for around 15-16 years and never had a matron until now and only just realize that she was the one I have been talking to all along. Such a powerful, otherworldly experience.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+AngelofSeitan Woah. Wow. Thank you for sharing that - how incredible! :)

[@stellavroom]

I am also a child of hekate. Triple blessing!

[@chelsealonergan4909]

Hel kind of just showed up randomly in my life. I saw something about her in a tiktok and had never heard of her. I had never felt drawn to deity work before but couldn’t stop thinking about her for some reason. After more research I was flabbergasted at how much I deeply relate to her and it’s now started my journey into deity work. I think she chose me to be honest. The feeling of familiarity you talk about seems to be super common.

[@DjViceroy]

Your shirt instantly put a smile on my face.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

It's my boyfriend's, haha! Blatantly stole it!

[@jamiemorris3526]

You could keep talking about this forever, and I could keep listening. Your wisdom, sharing, thoughts, experience, voice, willingness, beauty . . . all these nourish me on my path! Thank you with a thousand and one thanks.

[@Arialynna]

I love what you said about Hel being real because of "how many times her name has come off the tongue of a viking." It rings true for how I've always thought of deities. Humans have put so much energy into creating these images, worshiping them, calling on them for specific things, that it seemed to me that it doesn't matter whether they were ever "real" in a way like we are. The fact that they evoke these feelings within us is enough, and they have an energy of their own now.

[@Gemmagic84]

I really enjoyed your discussion on how intuition isn't necessarily more important than your rational mind in finding and working with a deity. I couldn't agree more. I think we have both because we're meant to use both! I also LOVE how you mentioned the Egregor! Much love :) xx

[@DrPigeon42]

I love your use of vocabulary, makes you very satisfying to watch

[@oliverphart1703]

This is brilliant. It shows how thought and love can create a bond of reality.

[@NorsePaganTarotWitch]

Freyja kept coming to me through my thoughts continuously. I felt really drawn to her and had to research her intensely. It wasn't until recently that I have decided to dedicate myself to her. There were certain aspects about her that continued to resonate with me. I even perform spells and say dedications to her my native languages (Danish and Swedish).

[@radiantchristina]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Hel has always fascinated me. The Morrigan is who I've always been most drawn to, and realized I needed to work with her after various experiences with crows. Off topic...what is that lipstick you are wearing?? Gorgeous! love that shade of red. x

[@agathanelson8469]

I think you're right on with the intellectual approach to making a connection. While reading the norse myths to my son, I unintentionally made a connection with Odin. It was an intense moment. Without approaching him with intellect first, the door would not have been open for him to step through. A tip from one of your older videos suggest junior mythology books. The visual aspect of junior books really help trigger the mind/spirit.

[@JJaynJoan]

I don't incorporate deity into my practice but this video is fantastic and I will be referring people to this when I receive those same questions. I totally agree with your comparison of intuition and rationality too.

[@dentonstalesofthevikingage8945]

Very interesting. Hel is a remarkable goddess, the subject of one of my own videos on my channel, and so I was most interested in this one of yours. Well done.

[@Gioachina0279]

May i ask you Sir if you watched Freyja Norling on YT?

[@sugatangerine51]

Oh my Gosh that Raven story gave me chills. What an amazing thing to happen! How absolutely beautiful.

[@KestraFae]

I love hearing stories about how people connect with Gods and Goddesses! They're always my favorite, and it was so great to see that you had posted on this, Kelly-Ann. :) I love the point you make about not knowing.... there's something incredible about accepting that some things are a mystery and can't be figured out, formulated or delegated to a specific realm or place in reality. I think that once we get to that place of acceptance, many more doors start to open up for us. It sounds so easy... to just let go and create. I remembering it being easy once too, but it gets harder as life goes on and it takes some work to let go of wanting to know things in that safe, sound, "I"m so sure about this" kind of a way. Your story about going full-time with your business is so great! It was a brave move, and I'm glad that you trusted yourself in that. It's quite a gift that you have and it would have been an injustice not to have allowed yourself the time needed to pursue that. Everyone has a treasure to share with the world... I guess that this is yours. :) As far as your ravens go, I am astonished every time by the synchronicity that presents itself by way of birds. They are amazing messengers... even when you're not looking for a sign they always manage to come around with one. Thank you for sharing your insights on this... I hope you have a fabulous day, Kelly-Ann.

[@aribelle06]

I love your explanation of this. I’ve been researching Hel even though my Matron is Freya. I find her and her representation fascinating. Thank you for this.

[@unorthodoxmama]

I love your videos. This one especially. I feel like you came and plucked this right out of my mind. I recently stumbled upon a goddess that really took me. I have been devouring everything I could about her since. Sadly the information is not as much as I would like. But you have given me a bit more to work with, when you mentioned getting to know the people that worshiped her. It is a good place to start, and I am as excited as ever to see where this is going to take me. Thank you for another amazing video

[@imdivyamenon]

Working through the 100 journal prompts over on your blog made me cry! But I feel much better in my own skin now.

[@imdivyamenon]

can I say thanks later? I feel confused right now haha

[@Elise37]

I had the same familiar feelings with Hel when I first came to know of her and began my research. I felt, and still feel, as though she is calling me to work with her and, luckily, shes been very patient with me. It's taken me a long time to do all my research and I've spoken with her about needing to make sure I dont overwhelm myself with everything else I have going on before I accept her as my matron. I actually had a sign from her today to spend a good portion of my day doing more research, which is how I came upon this video. And I'm so glad that I did, your experiences really helped in keeping my motivation alive and show me that I am going down the right path.

[@JoannaDeVoe]

Hey now! We both did the hip-to-be-square buttoned up top yesterday! LOVE this look on you... On topic, your ongoing relationship with Hel is super interesting to me. I always think of you when I draw this card from a goddess oracle that I have.

[@luaharmsen23]

I just want to tell you how special i think you are. And i feel so much love whenever i watch you. I love your personality and style and advice. You are so wonderful :P this sounds like crazy fan girling but i just felt drawn. Its nice, thank you for being the object that brings on these feelings of affection and admiration

[@TulaFae]

This video has given me validation on some inklings I have had watching several of your prior videos. It seems that we have kindred resonance that align in several forms of thought and approaches. It makes me happy to see that I am not alone in these characteristics of self. Thank you for sharing :)

Oh gosh. I have not watched one second of this but I'm excited. Can't wait to watch it later!

[@Amina2544]

A new comment under an older video, but I was re-reading an old book I have and it reminded me of you and your relationship with Hel. Not psychology this time, but physics. What you say about the energies of any deity, created by ages of worship directed towards them and the possibility of any of us connecting to those condensed energies by opening up to them, well, there is a scientific theory that describes these phenomena almost identically: Rupert Sheldrake's morphogenetic fields. It is, to mention just one detail, the reason why so many people have very strong physical, emotional and spiritual experiences when they visit old places of worship, where these energetic fields are the strongest and most intense, fueled by the perpetual acts of devotion. Fascinating material for anyone interested in scientific links between psychology, physics and the realm of spirituality.

[@PeachPlastic]

That was awesome, I enjoy your rambles about Hel so much. The intensity of your connection and the enthusiasm and sense of immediacy and meaning really come across in the way you talk about it. I've been, very tentatively, approaching the idea of personified deity, but feel indefinitely awkward about it. I'm so very ambivert-NTP and wired into cognitive function that it's hard to really tap into that layer beyond that. I'm a form of rational pantheist and sort of convinced that source energy manifests through allegorical and abstract symbolic themes. Therefore, my approach towards the universe was increasingly informed by philosophy and cultural studies and, at last, depth psychology, which ultimately lead me further away from spirituality, and eventually, I brushed hard upon nihilism a couple of times. I clearly hear and see the all the very obvious signs that everything in the universe including my own intuition seems to be yelling at me to seek out deity. The impulse has been there for quite some time, and I have veeeeeeery slowly and awkwardly sat with that, I haven't ignored it, I just feel weird about it. With the same feeling of intuition that tells me to seek out personified deity as a resource to re-solidify my lost feeling of spiritual cohesion, I somehow "know" that I must work towards working with Lilith. That therein, somehow, will lie anwers. In the far past, I've had a strong fascination with the Egyptian death pantheon, particularly Anubis, so I guess that would be another clue towards weighing out (haha, no pun intended) or feeling into what those associations mean in relation to each other, what their stories are, and how either of that "makes sense" in context to my own psycho-spiritual layout. Thus far, I'm sort of doing open-ended ponderings about either one because I have absolutely no clue how to approach actual worship. I've been meaning to make this one of the searches within my depth year, but thus far, there hasn't been that space. I'm slowly approaching a sense of comfort with the mere idea of seeking out Lilith. Originally, there had been a sense of immediate fear and, if not resistance, then hesitation, because I felt quite spooked by having to deal with the theme of the 'cast-out wild woman' even more than I already have involuntarily within my own biography. But apparently, that really is where I need to seek wisdom with a particulary un-matronly matron. Huh. Haha. I'm sorry this comment is so long!

[@ametrinemoon]

We both have Norse dieities, I have Odin and Skadi. Most times when I am on a bus, I see a crowe flying beside my window when I am on the bus. I once followed a crowe outside, it kept looking back at me. I have written a prayer for her in Norwegian but I haven't done my dedication for a while. I also must remember to get my Mjolnir pendant. I haven't connected with her for a while, sorry Skadi! I LOVE wolves in live in what used to be a wood.

[@SirChubbyBunny]

Even though I've been told my views on deity are very similar to yours.and many others, part of me can't shake down that wall to experiment - but I 'd.be lying if I said I think it's funny how often the weather seems to change when I leave my house (most often in the form of rain and storms) and part of me starts to think about Thor. Maybe that's just something I need to explore more to see where that takes me.

[@angelaprayerpoems]

Will you do more Videos of your work with Mary in your practice i'm someone working her into our path after being away from a catholic background years ago and dropping my end of the phone to her because i wasn't sure she could be incorporated in your first video about Mary and Hel helped me as i started picking up my end of the phone to her after feeling ready after many years. thank you for that, but there's so little on how to work her in a witchy way. So i was hoping you'd put a few more up if you can and i love your videos and content I'm so glad you went full time you helped me out a lot i watched a lot of your videos throughout my years of practice and i can't thank you enough! i was nervous to reach out thank you for your work blessings

[@jamiefindlay77]

Heyate is similar, Im want to worship Hel too. She is awesome.

[@ClaireDeLaLune]

Thank you for sharing. Much inspiration !

[@seanhallahan14]

Good morning Hel-haupia. You mentioned your book of mirrors and shadows. I found shadows, but can you be more explicit please regarding your book of mirrors? I'd be interested to know exactly what you mean. BTW - just your pre-knowing interest in a death goddess wasis expansive for me. A beauty of you is that when you "ramble", which I normally have no0naddhazip patience for, you offer value, insight, connection, perspective, feeling, kinetic open personal energies. Thank you. Best & cheers, Sean

[@SeaWitchinSeattle]

I have an entirely Norse pantheon myself. Ægir speaks with me via marine mammals, different whales and seals pop up as signs when riding a ferry (something I do just to communicate). I also chose Hel, who has communicated with a mass of shivvering crows outside of my house after a windstorm that needed some food. I also let her speak to me through runes the first time I accepted her, and felt so much shock and adoration when I was answered in such a loud and obvious way. :) Love Hel!!!!

[@gabrielleangelica1977]

I digress... love the hair, make-up, blouse and glasses! You are your own "goddess". 🏛️

[@TheMexicanViking1]

This is so juicy!!! I love hearing about how people find their patrons and matrons, thank you for sharing a bit of yours. Kelly-Ann, your STYLE is so hot!!!!

[@fransantelli]

you are so pretty! i love your style. :)

[@bethysbarn]

There’s now a book series that’s a bit saucy but such a great concept that you may enjoy, it’s the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse and in that death was defo my favourite! It’s interesting to see how someone has personified famine, death etc and the way that they might interact with humans, I found them really interesting and such a cool idea! I just tried Apple orchard incense for Hel too after your vids and it smells so bloody good! I also bought mermaids love after you recommended it ages ago in another one and that is so gorgeous too! You have great taste so now I will always really trust your recommendations! 🥰❤️ Hel has been reaching out to me for the last few months and I’m so grateful for your videos on her and how you work with her and I really hope you’ll do more as there’s such a limited amount on here about how people work with her, I also had Tyr come to me ages and ages ago so it was so interesting to hear you work with them both too! I was all about Frigg but she’s stepped back for quite a long time now and others are coming forward which is so interesting to see the signs but the strongest signs have been from Hel! She keeps sending me dead things at the moment though which is pretty full on so if I’m out walking and stumble upon a corpse I think I’ll have to ask her to tone it down 😂😂😂😂

[@thelightofthejedi9811]

The Morrighan speaks to me in crows all the time too

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+kitsune deva Sweet. :)

[@RunninUpThatHillh]

This video is so rad.. I'm watching it more than once. : D

[@morganknight7181]

I have just begun working with Hel after watching your videos! I've been looking for a connection to the divine feminine for a while and she responded to me immediately. Its so hard to find any resources on her, do you have any? Thanks so much:)

[@TheStarryPath]

Much inspiration here! Thanks! :)

[@meichelle2000]

Yes defin have your explanations and interpretations of Hel been extremely enlightening.. Before you, Ive not heard of her. Thank you for sharing! Blessings )O(

[@jamiefindlay77]

Just saying if Hecate or Hel as matrons I would even dare walk through the corridor of doom at King's Cross. I would ignore that speedy route from the old ticket office. It would be fine.

[@lindsaym4043]

Hi Kelly-Ann, this is VERY delayed, I know. But, I've been catching up on some of your videos and love your perspective and thoughts. It really helps me broaden my mind as I start down this pagan path. So thank you. Anyway, curious on your thoughts on something. You said you feel that Hel has in part been created by the energies and thoughts put in from people (vikings, scandinavians, etc) over thousands of years. So my question is, does it follow then that her energy or power wanes with the people worshiping other names/deities. Thinking about the explosion of Christianity and other Abrahamic religions, really, as I ask this question. xox

[@karendusang3266]

Who is standing behind you with the ear to ear smile?

[@serenaxrose]

i wish i could hangout and be friends with you i can listen to you all day

[@The_Lemurian_Witch13]

I’m a devotee of her father, Loki in a very intimate way and have recently had a few people including Hel herself tell me that she’s looking for an intimate more permanent relationship in my life

[@stephaniecaspri9200]

thank you, most enjoyable to hear. :)

[@indigoink5016]

"Divine Feminine Downloads"... just when I think I couldn't love you more!

[@jupitertronic]

I've always wondered if the sorts of fictional characters I'm attracted to might be some indication of what goddess (or kind of goddess) I'm meant to connect with. Do you think that might be a good place to start a search for a matron or patron deity? Did you choose Hel or feel drawn to Hel because you recognized aspects of yourself in her? Or did aspiration have something to do with it? I feel like there's a wide berth between my current self and my aspirational self and I guess I sometimes wonder if I should pick a goddess that suits me now or one I would "grow into," if that makes sense...

[@thesphinxrevolution8526]

I have a friend. she was very much attracted to a cartoon character only to realize years later that the character had similar name and characteristics to the spirit guide who she recently started connecting with. you can work with your fictional characters as archetypes initially if you want!

[@AngelroseDesings]

I love your videos. You have good explanations for everything that you talk about. TFS xx Vanessa :)

[@elliesarah2414]

When you said about what makes them real, I was like YES that’s what I believe too. Love this vid thank you.

[@ZLoca-oe8jk]

blessed be

[@dockledoo]

I knew who my matron goddess was after having three dreams about her.

[@DivineGypsy]

I am certainly a pantheist pagan as well. I believe as well as accession there is a parallel world to ours and our gods and goddess are there to guide us in the world😊

[@anatourian8084]

Well said Kelly-Ann, I find your experience with her very interesting. As far as your dedication to her, was that something that you put together yourself based on what you felt was right for her, or did you incorporate elements that you found in Norse literature/ mythology?

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Luna Solare It was very individual to me. I included some astral work which took place in her realm and definitely borrowed from accounts in the mythology.

[@SpamfromAmsterdam]

Everything is energy. So I think she is there is some way definitely.

[@autumnlidgett5253]

Hello Kelly! My name is Autumn and I am Pagan. So I have been doing lots of research about Soll and Hel I don't know why but I am very curious about them and I feel really close to you. I have a question, could a goddess get in contact with you through "dreams" because last night I had a weird experience. I don't know if I was dreaming or not. That's how odd it was. I'd tell you if you like. Please get back to me. Lots of love!

[@gerurerlatomasdottir6803]

You played Athena twice. I played Maria twice ✌🏻♾👁💁‍♀️😇

[@RhomanysRealm]

O/t: You could so rock a pixie cut.

[@leac.3559]

POTENT AS FUCK, THANK YOUUU

[@divinedani78]

Personally, I don't have good feelings towards Hel. I don't think she's very good, she may not be evil but I don't think she's good. I work with the Greek goddess Hekate.

[@BigHenFor]

PaganChild13 Work with who feels right for you. Dark goddesses are problematic as they aren't all "sugar, spice and all things nice", but that's their role - shadow work. They shift your perspective, which may move your life in directions which you won't necessarily find easy, but will be rewarding.

[@jamiefindlay77]

i mean hecate.

[@victorpena5457]

oh man i hate that "ideeyur" word