Hoist Up The Thing | The Longest Johns, from Cures What Ails Ya

[@Seifer911]

I created a D&D campaign based entirely on this song. We have named the ship The Floating Junkyard. Everyone on it is 100% not qualified to be a pirate.

[@thelongestjohns]

That's amazing, sounds like great fun

[@bezerkoid]

Please make a post or text to speech video detailing that!

[@Seifer911]

@@bezerkoid I'm not great when it comes to making videos, but ill comment about how the first session goes

[@NazgulGnome]

Wow. Just like every time TLJ play Sea of Thieves.

[@riserevelation8471]

Same, not this song but “Banks if the Lee” where the villain will be a lich trying to get his love back from her ice watery grave. These guys have given me so many dnd campaigns ideas

[@jakewacker5616]

As much as I want a much more professional sounding shanty to describe my average boating experience, this song really does hit the nail on the head with what actually ends up happening.

[@thelongestjohns]

Arrrrr, the feels

[@JasonRobinsonidaho]

@@thelongestjohns I've hit a dock at 3kts and stove her right in, but thankfully (or not) I wasn't at the helm, the admiral was. So it was doubly my fault, one for not knowing that the admiral wasn't comfortable with tiller steering, and again because we should have dropped the sail sooner to spill some speed.

[@tcbevolver]

@@JasonRobinsonidaho Whoa, I thought you wrote "we should have dropped the sail sooner to spill some seed" and I was, uuuummmm, confused.

[@gabrielkiesel]

@@tcbevolver Not a sailor but I imagine that's more of a shore leave activity

[@aodhstormeyes]

@@gabrielkiesel You sir have not been introduced to "Aboard the Good Ship Venus" then, have you?

[@Altarill]

"What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!" ... That would be Andy.

[@thelongestjohns]

What a treasure he is

[@marvinthemaniac7698]

@@thelongestjohns All y'all are treasures!

[@MaxisaBandKid]

@@marvinthemaniac7698 Southern?

[@marvinthemaniac7698]

@@MaxisaBandKid kinda

[@MaxisaBandKid]

@@marvinthemaniac7698 No northern or central person would go All y'all lol

[@OneTopic]

I like me waters... corrugated. 🏴‍☠️🦜

[@leonssims3470]

I didn't expect to see you here

[@NoobKing2828]

this vid is just grown men doing grown men things

[@almightteacheratua8640]

I see you are a man with a fine taste in sea shanties as well as making fantastic videos yourself 🏴‍☠️

[@amberharmsen2497]

Holy shit I’ve watched your channel when I went to my first pride back in 2019

[@saraterhenetar395]

Didn't expect to see you here!

[@kevinjohnson1852]

This is an accurate representation of my first time playing sea of thieves

[@thelongestjohns]

I know that feeling

[@justincasebro1567]

This is an accurate description of every time I play sea of thieves. 😉

[@caydencurtiss7418]

@@justincasebro1567 yeah it has been like this since day one of its release I have never had a bad experience

[@thecommunistpirate5841]

Same

[@onionbot2]

This is an accurate representation of how I still play sea of thieves

[@wichitacountylibrary6992]

We're a small town library, and after seeing this we decided to do something similar for the kids in the ocean themed summer library program this year. We had the kids divide into two teams, build two ships out of boxes, and have a water balloon fight between them. One side made fake canons while the other made all sorts of fake swords and pistols, all from cardboard tubes. It was beautifully chaotic. Thanks very much for the idea.

[@thelongestjohns]

That’s amazing to hear!! Thank you so much for sharing the story with us too

[@tsrhodes7321]

Libraries are cool,!

[@Just-A-Cosplayer-Online]

@@tsrhodes7321 fr

[@Max.Volume]

Must be pirates, because that looks like a card-boarding party

[@thelongestjohns]

Heyoooooooo

[@Sububi198]

I would do this with my friends but every-time we card-board a ship, we always end up feeling boxed in.

[@McJohanz]

Dad?

[@thelongestjohns]

Heyoooooo

[@Dryfire-kx9hu]

No just no

[@Red0543]

It’s dangerous to go alone, take my upvote!

[@jamiejay9889]

They should sing hoist the colours

[@Dagger33]

The Longest Johns came to do a concert in the States recently and instructed the crowd to join in on this song with “That’s not port!” Practically the entire venue erupted with “THIS IS SHERRY” at the appropriate time and it was so satisfying to see how happy it made the band.

[@kera5475]

This is basically the sea version of "I'm an engineer"

[@kartuliboy9492]

Now we just need an aerial version

[@danielbaird6662]

@@kartuliboy9492 Blood on the Risers?

[@liamgriffin218]

@@danielbaird6662 basically

[@dunkaccino6606]

"graphic engineering is my passion"

[@magicl3o]

@@danielbaird6662 **Zum Zum Zum Zum**

[@chefrowlet]

Sent this to my D&D group... we're trying to be pirates but NOBODY (not even the Dungeon Master) knows anything technical. About half of us know the difference between Port and Starboard, pretty sure i'm the only one who knows what "aft" means. It's a right mess, but we're having a blast.

[@CailinZwarts]

sounds like a great time

[@marvinthemaniac7698]

I played this song on my banjo one night last year and made my dad dance!

[@kostyayatsuk2004]

Now you just need to film a sequel: "Folding ship the Dutchman"

[@thelongestjohns]

Sounds like a good challenge. What would it be about?

[@pikablob]

@@thelongestjohns She tries to put to sea, but alas, being made of cardboard, she gets soggy and sinks

[@c.d.clover5858]

Hmm... That sounds like a really good idea, don't you think?

[@kostyayatsuk2004]

@@pikablob And when she starts to sink the crew is at first excited because yay, flying dutchman powers, but then they panic cause the ship is falling apart. Honestly kinda want to write an initial version of lyrics for this and see if The Longest Johns would like it/can improve on it, but i've never written lyrics before so it would take forever

[@stevenmarley3734]

Instead of 'bonnie ship the diamond' make a parody with it being 'folding ship the dutchman'

[@felipeayala4629]

That ship better be the stage for every concert

[@thelongestjohns]

That would be pretty epic!

[@stephengalindo6340]

Kinda like the Sabaton tank!

[@wizardman149]

There has never been a ship finer than the HMS The Folding Dutchman. What a fun and creative video! Good use of all the boxes from the merch!

[@thelongestjohns]

It was a lot of boxes... So much fun to do

[@plauvion]

would be The HMS Folding Dutchman

[@nolanoliver1761]

Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell, I browsed for a trade at which I could excel. An ad for a ship in need of some manning, Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain. What luck, says I, to find such good fortune! A few white lies later, I ran down the pier. Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two, Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew: {Chorus} Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it! Trust me, I'm in control! I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said, And all of that grog just goes right to my head. Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh. Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch! {Chorus} We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen. The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green. There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck. If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck! So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines I see what it says but no clue what it means! Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains, Feign a bad back til we’ve landed again. {Chorus x3} (Final Chorus) Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! (Huh?) What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! (BLOODY HELL!) Turn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) Now I've got it! (Screaming) Trust me, I'm in control! (MOMMY) Trust me, I'm in control! ~~~ let me know if anythings wrong!

[@podperson1744]

Not all heroes wear capes, but you deserve one, friend

[@averageguy6774]

69th like

[@nolanoliver1761]

Dude4011 nice

[@mikem1934]

n

[@holly4523]

This is the story of my life after college. 35 years old and I still have no idea what I’m doing. I need some classes in how to adult, but knowing me, I’d flunk it.

[@decoydante]

"Turn hard to port" "THIS IS SHERRY" Somehow both an absolutely terrible yet hilarious joke haha.

[@thelongestjohns]

Sounds like the perfect combination

[@jarrodsteers8991]

I get it~

[@jamesbaker8831]

That's actually a way to remember which one is port. Once you've drunk it all, there's no port left!

[@1987martyn]

I came here for this comment and I wasn't disappointed

[@tehwhaffle3088]

@@jamesbaker8831 that is amazing never have i not known i needed something so much before i discovered it

[@TheRogueMaverick]

These guys had WAY too much fun filming this and I love every second of it! I was giggling like a fool the entire time!

[@J_SCH]

The day they show up with one of these new songs on an honest-to-god sailing vessel will be a day for the record books.

[@thelongestjohns]

Oh, we'll get there

[@skysocalbalen6075]

That's assuming anyone would let them on board!

[@jeremytate4795]

It just happened yesterday! On board the deck of the Gallant in Bristol Harbor.

[@hellashott]

@@thelongestjohns you guys weren't lying. You did it!

[@maryhenriksen2394]

*This is what true friendship looks like, no doubt about it.*

[@rsjcoman9230]

The thing has been hoisted and the thing spinning has been stopped. Nicely done.

[@thelongestjohns]

We can all rest easy now

[@Jess-pe8bq]

Have we turned hard to port tho?

[@furrettheferret9562]

Jess that’s not.....that’s not port

[@thejabberwocky5884]

THIS IS SHERRY

[@wesleythomas7125]

But you forgot to batten down the wotzit...

[@christofferkiilerichjakobs8336]

Yep, that's how it feels keeping up the appearance of being a functional human being who's supposed have their stuff together. :-) A life of endless cardboard boxes shaped as things..

[@thelongestjohns]

Mood

[@SWATDRUMMUH]

legends tell of an eerie ship, the folding dutchman, still roaming those emerald hills; it's captain still searching for his mutinous crew!

[@cenozoicappreciator4023]

This has major Stede Bonnet vibes

[@stevenmarley3734]

This video is absolute gold, Dave getting hit in the face with the ice water was beautiful.

[@thelongestjohns]

He wanted it!

[@Sky_Guy]

"Turn hard to port!" "This is sherry!" was one of the best jokes in here, totally caught me off-guard at the very end.

[@jackaboy9160]

I wonder what people walking by would think seeing 4 grown men singing in a giant cardboard ship.

[@thelongestjohns]

Haha, we can only imagine

[@jaysea5939]

"That looks fun"

[@josiahzabel8596]

@@jaysea5939 anyone who says they wouldn't want to join in is lying

[@insomniacryan9916]

@@josiahzabel8596 And if they genuinely don't, they're simply not worth discussing further.

[@elsie8757]

I would ask if I could join, ngl

[@robertstuckey6407]

"Turn hard to port" "this is sherry!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@link670]

Never would've thought post-college life could be so well summed up by a sea shanty.

[@Scribblerjohnny]

"Turn hard to port-" "-This is sherry!"

[@raywoodham1553]

The acting here is incredible! I like how it just devolves into madness at the end lol

[@thelongestjohns]

Many thanks! "Controlled" madness ;)

[@MartinBentley]

Acting?

[@schrottproductions8782]

we see the men and the sails but what is the ship's purpose? given that the main material used is cardboard, i think it's pretty obvious that this is a merch-ant's vessel

[@thelongestjohns]

Top quality jokes

[@rosewilliamson8626]

Its porpose is clearly whaling

[@natalievildova1114]

i hate this so much thank you for making my day :D

[@arkarc8735]

Just watched the music video for the first time. Definitely makes the song even better

[@Gstrongarm111]

I do occasionally play this for all my greenhorns xD very adequate, boys! Well wishes to you from the navy.

[@thelongestjohns]

That's fantastic!!! Many well wishes back to you as well

[@yuri0568]

This is my favorite music video for anything now

[@thelongestjohns]

Thank you so much! Definitely feel quite proud of this one

[@kotori87gaming89]

This is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS when a brand-new ensign shows up on a submarine. It's chaos, it's hilarious, and it's my job to turn them into competent officers before they actually are in charge of anything important.

[@thelongestjohns]

That’s amazing! Didn’t know it was such an accurate story

[@isidorotoppi6091]

There you go ! A little grog and some boxes . 👍🏻

[@Slugger1990]

this was such a fun video to watch. just a bunch of lads living their best lives. you guys are awesome and I hope you stick around for a while.

[@emilyrogan]

If this doesn't describe what life feels like right now...I didn't realized I needed this until I couldn't stop smiling. Thanks for being a light in the world, boys.

[@thelongestjohns]

It's our pleasure :)

[@camerongrondzki2716]

This is honestly everything I hoped for and more

[@thelongestjohns]

That's wonderful to hear, thank you

[@carolfox5712]

I've watched this video so many times, and it always cracks me up. This is the first time that I caught Dave's line "This is Sherry!" though. Hope y'all enjoyed it! 🙂

[@zeshi3089]

Brings up memories from running around a festival chanting "part of the ship, part of the Crew" years back. Good times

[@dantegreciante7984]

Basically my professional life and it all worked out fine in the end.

[@Teajay21]

Does this make anyone else think of Stede Bonnet from Our Flag Means Death? 😂 I’d love if the longest Johns wrote or performed a song for the show they have the perfect vibe of comedy with a heart. And of course I love the music!

[@JabbyMayoCD]

“That’s not port” makes me smile every time

[@maitaitiu]

"fresh out of college with grades straight from hell" feeling festive for a level results day tomorrow, are we?

[@2thomask]

As a merchant sailor this is accurate for getting on your first ship

[@tenacityxl]

I can just imagine somebody coming upon this scene in the public park of four grown men with instruments singing sea shanties in a cardboard boat. On land.

[@thelongestjohns]

That would be pretty mad to see...

[@Ruthavecflute]

To be fair it is more sensible than a cardboard boat on water would be!

[@abigailblackstock4928]

​@@RuthavecfluteSeen that, too. Colorado School of Mines has a challenge to build a cardboard boat to survive Clear Creek every year. Very entertaining. My team plays this song while we're building, it's great!

[@faithwayman7000]

It just devolves into chaos at the end and I love it.

[@kaylapratley3]

I play these guys at work ALL THE TIME

[@claytonbrinker8180]

The Folding Dutchman. Absolute gold. It looks like you guys had a ball making this. It's great to see.

[@thelongestjohns]

It’s one I’ll remember for a long time

[@NinjaTactiks]

I just started HBO's "Our Flag Means Death" and this is perfect.

[@sceti118]

The best shanty ever. It's undeniable. 10/10. Also, this pretty much sums up any situation where I'm supposed to be the supervisor of anything.

[@mattlucas4046]

Their songs JUST DON'T GET OLD. THEY'RE SERIOUSLY BADASS.

[@yasumedia9528]

I was cooped up for lockdown when this video was uploaded. It made me smile. It along with many other videos uploaded to this channel in the same year reminded me of the good times that surely awaited me once things got better and they did! Thanks for this Longest Johns. Sail on. Shant on.

[@snowout]

thank you longest johns, very cool!

[@thelongestjohns]

Not long to wait now...

[@snowout]

The Longest Johns im glad to say i was here for the premiere of my favourite song

[@jareddavis6961]

How I feel when I captain a ship in Sea of Thieves. Countless random "ports" I've ran into.

[@Omnicide101]

Ah yes, finally a shanty describing what would happen if the average shanty fan tries to do maritime stuff. Perfect 5/7.

[@thelongestjohns]

:D

[@nectafarious8842]

Bellowhead in November - Longest Johns supporting...YAY 😄😄😄

[@mistermonstr699]

"i am holding the clipboard, IM IN CONTROL!"

[@codysodyssey3818]

This song reminds me of my nan who passed away last year. 100% her sense of humour. Thank you

[@giloguy101]

Showed this to my dad who took part in the Clipper round the world yacht race, which is unique in it mostly consisting of crews who have casual sailing experiance or little to none at all and have to endure the hardships of such a race. to quote my dad: "yep this sums up about 70% of first time Clipper entries"

[@valerieprice1393]

This is how I explain what junior leadership in the army is like. They have no idea what they are doing, but are in control and you just have to live with it.

[@kassvalanar9979]

"Hoist up the thing, batten down the whatsit!" Is now my favorite thing to say, and I shall say it anytime I'm playing Sea of Thieves. Thank you, Longest Johns.

[@Fiskeplaske]

This song always makes me happy

[@FP1986]

I'm comfortably ensconced in a corner of the empty library. Across from me is a large fish tank, with decals of a steering wheel, anchor, and sailboat, with the phrase 'get lost in a book' staring back at me. A fan is blowing cool air around me, riffling the pages of the book that I'm reading. And then this popped up on my feed. There may have been giddy laughter of delight - a lot of it. Thanks for adding another reason to feeling content right now.

[@thelongestjohns]

Sounds wonderful :)

[@ChrysanthsMum]

That is sooooo my sense of humor! Thank you!

[@rocketforthree4479]

"This is Sherry!" thats so good! XD

[@chrisboerma7585]

I can't tell you how many times I've listened to this song and only today did I finally get the port - sherry joke.

[@localcryptid9267]

My 3 year old is obsessed with this video and I think y'all have become her favorite band. She's always requesting the "pirate song" in the car. Which could be nearly any shanty y'all have sung. 😂

[@Severalangrybees]

This must have been an absolute riot to film

[@tophatjoe5042]

This is by far my personal favourite shanty of yours! I've been mastering a golden age of piracy D&D campaign online for the last 2.5 years, this has been it's theme song for the last month. It is a true and perfect metaphor for the party and our hilarious misadventures, we play it before the start of every session! Happy days to see the music video! And in addition, my Johns D20s arrived this afternoon, what a perfect day!

[@estherfischer2188]

You guys look like you have alot of fun! Good job.

[@lilutha]

My favorite song and an absolutely brilliant video. You guys are brilliant! I see Dave's stick got an upgrade and became a mast, nicely done lads!

[@thelongestjohns]

It served us well

[@johnmckinneyinaus]

You, bellow head and the dreadnoghts are my favourite bands

[@joshuamays8550]

A moment of silence for The Folding Dutchman, and her crew. As madness and mutiny tore through the decks, and the crew turned on each other.

[@manwhatdoiputhere]

The screaming at the end is just me, all the time, always

[@Denley1526]

It doesn't matter how many times you watch this it just gets better & better.

[@lisasteenkamer5049]

Commenting and liking to boost the algorithm because the whole world needs to see this!

[@thelongestjohns]

It’s very much appreciated, thank you!

[@lily_the_Lovely]

This video and the amount of interaction in the comments, I love it. Such a fun group.

[@khalkotauroio2417]

"Turn hard to port" "This is sherry" Such an underrated joke

[@theenigmaticst7572]

And can't be a coincidence a similar one was used in Monty Python's "Accountancy Shanty"...

[@trikepilot101]

Weeks after getting the CD I finally get the port-sherry joke. I'm a dope.

[@thelongestjohns]

You did it! :)

[@korvincarry3268]

Really just an allegory for my life. Ive no idea whats going on but hey, im in control! 😆

[@fishnut3289]

That’s literally how I imagined the song, thanks for the absolute bop Longest Johnathans, please continue to make everyone’s day so much better

[@jonnygranville281]

This is my new favorite song ever.

[@kaykaythekiwi]

I just can't express how much I love this song. It reminds me of when me and my grandpa played sea of thieves for the first time a few months back XD. Now I want to ask him to play again sometime. My sister really likes the bit "what's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it". It makes her laugh every time. This song is also an accurate representation of me trying to navigate my online classes this year.

[@DrewskiTheLegend]

This song accurately represents being a young adult in general

[@holly4523]

@@DrewskiTheLegend It accurately represents being in one's 30s as well...

[@sarahhayes6073]

Spotify recommended this to me as I was not paying attention; it sounds like any other shanty until the whatsits start happening!

[@thessie]

Lost it at 'The Folding Dutchman' and giggled the whole way through. This is brilliant :D :D

[@kdcthelioness]

This is fantastic and I'm laughing so hard. I think my favorite bit (though it's hard to pick because they're all so good!) is the "Turn hard to port (This is sherry!)"

[@jgiuliano7401]

This is just what four friends do for fun and then suddenly they started singing and I love it!

[@maxed_out2356]

I can’t wait for the “Got no Beard” video. My group of friends absolutely love that song.

[@stephengalindo9620]

it has to have anna ;) its been long enough, right?

[@jemma.p]

Dave's always a catch

[@Pogonotrophist]

Brilliant Video. My favourite part was the spinning Andy.

[@thelongestjohns]

It’s wonderfully gif-able

[@thekillergopher8755]

Looks like Robbie went down this his cardboard ship.

[@smilingleviathan5963]

Pirates of the Caribbean: lads of the shallow tunes. Love you guys so much. Great song and video

[@jaysea5939]

Sailing a cardboard ship through the audio waves!

[@halfaworldaway]

Wow, these videos only keep getting better. Blown away by this.

[@LucasDivine]

Already listen to this every other day, time to listen to it today but with video.

[@thelongestjohns]

The video definitely puts a new spin on it :P

[@positivebubble170]

Listened to this at least twelve times today. More originals please!

[@zeebeezoey]

This could be the theme for Our Flag Means Death

[@somekid5001]

our boat boiz lookin like they havin fun