Ep. 293 | Starting Over

Joshua and Ryan talk about how minimalism, in more ways than one, is about starting over with less, and they answer the following questions: Watch “Maximal” episodes of The Minimalists Private Podcast exclusively on Patreon: • The Minimalists Privat...
Questions answered in this episode:
00:00 How do we start over?
04:59 As I’m letting everything go and starting over, how do I explain it to my friends and family who think I am crazy or terminally ill?
08:40 What advice do you have for those of us dealing with the stress and anxiety of being forced to start over professionally after being let go from our jobs?
11:24 What is absolutely essential?
14:16 What two questions should we ask ourselves when we’re considering a fresh start?
15:19 How important is an emergency fund when you’re starting over?
15:56 Is starting over simply a matter of considering a new direction?
17:19 When you’re starting over from scratch and you realize you can’t do it alone, how do you get over your pride and ask others for help?
19:11 What is the difference between enhancement and dependency?
21:29 Why should we give money rather than loan money?
25:26 When you’re starting over with nothing, how do you live without sentimental stuff in your life?
#TheMinimalists

[@jc10907Sealy]

I’m having a forced starting over that I will embrace. Monday July 5th, 2021 I had a house fire and explosion and I lost everything and I was burned. I found out I lost nothing because I have my LIFE! I now CHOOSE what my new life will be and what I will INTENTIONALLY bring into it. It’s going to be my best year ever at age 59! This podcast was recommended to me by my counselor, thank you! Omg I’m ex-JW and glad to be free!

[@lambsauce1468]

When I was escaping a bad family dynamic I ended up getting a lot of help from a lady at my workplace and even lived at her place until I got my own place. I still had no refrigerator and beds so I was going to her place for meals until I got a fridge and mattresses. A few months later our boss died and my workmate had to give up her rental house so she came to live with me until she sold her things and got on a plane to a new life. I bought some of her things and stored what she couldn't take on the plane until she got settled.

[@ericamciver1293]

Today is my birthday. I decided that I am going to finally let go societies idea of a mother and be the mother my kids need me to be. This is the starting over I need right now.

[@LJ542]

"How will this help me thrive?" What an ON POINT question!

[@suewarren4486]

Never underestimate the people who want to keep you as you are to validate their choices. A family of hoarders can see your attempts at minimizing as an attack and a judgement.

[@sarahlockridge7879]

Absolutely on the slight shift. When I started the minimalism/debt free journey, we paid off $90000 in debt. Cash flowed about $60000. Took 2.5 yrs. Was completely worth it. Sold our 5000 sqft home. Sold our stuff. 7 yrs later, small mortgage, getting it paid off. Emergency fund. No credit cards (we use a debit card for online purchases and car rental when traveling). We don't buy unless we have the cash. We have a spreadsheet and a budget lol. It's more freedom than you could ever know.

[@kraykray4118]

Sharing a picture of a landmark on holiday rather than taking back a trinket for family/friends is a great tip from the caller. I'm definitely going to give this a go.

[@moanateliersoo18]

What Ryan says really hits me. Consistency is the only way that I can actually convince my family and friends that I am satisfied with my current life.

[@melodk]

Thank you! My partner and I started our start over, then the pandemic, then he got terminally ill, he died and I am again trying to change the starting over. You just helped me focus on some things that had me very stressed.

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

Our hearts go out to you.

[@TheWritergurl]

I am so very sorry for your loss x

[@solrossi_illustration]

What a positive person! I admire your attitude.

[@rebeccacole6910]

Really admire your strength and courage. The confidence to start over and keep focus. Sorry for your loss 💔

[@daviddaviedavidson]

Sending you love ❤️

[@Ms.MD7]

I remember watching your documentary like 3 years ago and had a mental breakdown from not fully processing a death of a love one. I gathered myself up and decided to declutter my years of holding onto things coz I was a sentimental person. This movement literally changed my life. I got rid of about 40% of unnecessary clutter and I'm still going. I don't think there's a terminal part of this journey, it's just a lifestyle change that is ongoing, going with the punches. I've definitely benefited from minimalism: less stress, more time for things I actually like doing instead of "organizing & cleaning" during my days off. I still have a long way to go and I'll be moving into a bigger home soon but my goal is to not fill it with junk again. Accumulating creeps up on you and you don't even know it. I'm glad I can listen to these types of podcasts to keep me accountable.

[@maryssa8593]

I’ve been going through a lot of mental stress lately with family expectations of me, a new marriage, three children and personal obstacles with friends lately. I love my husband and he’s amazing to me and our boys, just doesn’t understand the mental anxiety I deal with. Thank you for this episode and your content in general. You’ve helped me get rid of physical clutter that over time has helped me uncover my mental clutter ❤️

[@mariahsmom9457]

I love the intro- brought to you by no one- because ads suck! I find myself saying it along with Joshua every time.

[@theevolvingblackwoman]

This is such a powerful podcast on starting over I am in the stage of just getting rid of everything that no longer serves me and it feels so good Shoes, clothes, kitchen wares, books, people 😎 People think am crazy for staying in a small apartment with my girls I now know that I don't need a huge house or an ln expensive car to be happy. Am working on bringing meaning to this next chapter of my life. Great show guys.

[@ConnieIrene]

😂 yessssss... nobody understands. I must be crazy or suicidal or dying. On the contrary, I've never felt more free and happy. My "stuff" start over is almost complete. Then I'll start on my health start over.

[@christa2631]

But I could never, ever, ever get rid of my animals. They aren't "stuff", they're lives. ♥️

[@avimae4225]

There is a great difference between needing help and asking for help.... A truth that made it much easier to walk away from certain ŕelationships.

[@madeleinepousar]

Im getting rid of everything I don’t love or use to move into a smaller apartment august 1st 😀 I’m sooo excited 😀 I relate to the feeling that you HAVE TO change because staying the same is the thing that you’re afraid of. That is so powerful!

[@rachelvasquez252]

Enhancing/helping each other reminded me of a time 26 years ago when I had my first child and took lots of time off work. When it was time to go back I needed childcare that I couldn’t afford at that moment. I had purchased a new car while I was pregnant without trading in my old car. Well I traded my old car for 6 months of childcare. By then I had built my finances back up and was able to budget in the childcare. We both won!

[@thriftyyesenia7498]

I am blessed I found you on Ted talk Years ago I don’t have credit card debt and I just bought a car cash your teaching brings freedom know I think about retirement in a different way thank you 🙏

[@danaakon7633]

Ever since I became a minimalist, I get a lot of negative feedback from family and friends. They feel threatened by my lack of materialism. They keep saying that my minimalism is a symptom of depression !

[@robyndismon394]

Don't listen to them. Limit your time around them if u can. And why wouldn't friends at least try 2 understand support your needs and concerns at this time? I just don't get people.

[@suen5006]

Friends help each other. It's what they do. It's not tit for tat; it's over time typically. Sometimes when I help someone who clearly has no way to return the favor, they ask me what they can do for me and I tell them just pass it on; help someone when they are able.

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

22:32 - let me tell you a story. I was a single dad, raisisng a small child. Once, i had a conflict between child care and my job. i spent 25 minutes calling all of the people around me, asking for help. There were always "well, but" and excuses. Finally, after 25 minutes an 5 phone calls, i sat down and figured it out by myself..and it worked. I called my mom (rest her soul) and talked abotu it. Her answer? "you wasted 25 minutes trying to get people to help you when you gave them help...are you dumb? PEOPLE ONLY HELP THEMSELVES.. Only YOU choose to help others. Start being choosy about who you help, and why. It will not be reciprocated, and that expectation will drive you mad." Thanks mom.

[@suen5006]

That's sad Carl. I'm glad I don't share your way of thinking.

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

@@suen5006 I've learned that serving others does not mean they will serve you. Self-reliance, as well as self-compassion is greater than any act of service to anyone. If you don't take care of you, how can you take care of someone (or something) else?

[@suen5006]

@@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679 I'm sorry Carl. My friends are very helpful. I help them too. I also help people in the community with no expectation of return.

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

@@suen5006 thats the failure . "expectations are apppointments with dissapointments" Arthur Shopenhauer.

[@dianeyoung8068]

Sometimes help even though it will not be or cannot be reciprocated.

[@suc9818]

I enjoyed this chat as I am about to start over after 15 yrs in corporate; I have resigned and I am moving countries. Coming across this talk today, helped me reassure (some inner doubts arising in the darker hours) I am doing the right thing. Thank you. I like how you two speak, authenticity is something rare these days. Cheers.

[@GregorVDub]

I have severe ADHD and minimalism has helped me a lot. People with ADHD are able to start over and completely reinvent themselves more easily than average people.

[@gigijones6546]

"He certainly wouldn't want it to weigh you down." Sadly there are some who WOULD give you stuff and take delight in the fact that it might weigh you down. Becoming aware of that definitely provides motivation to release items that remind you of the negativity.

[@melissalee1709]

I love the comments about just finding a temporary job to pay the bills while waiting for that "dream" job. Too many people aren't willing to work "beneath" themselves and would rather go into huge debt or bankruptcy than work at a less-than-ideal job. Every job has meaning (as long as it isn't illegal) and no job is more important than another. I've always told my kids I'd be proud of whatever they chose to work at, as long as they did their best. Two out of the 4 daughters have chosen the military.

[@HealthGeekMum]

Yes I agree completely. Where I come from we have a saying that 'no job is a disgrace'

[@irishcladdagh3]

Absolutely agree

[@puterbuddy]

Love this topic of starting over. I’m in the planning phase of starting over. Scary to stay; scary to go. Pros and cons to both. I keep hearing, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. Great great interview. Thank you so much 🥰

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

right there with you!

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

33:39 - I'm writing my own book, called "ignore people, get high quality stuff and live your best life" 'but that's just me'

[@kathyward9879]

Currently building a home in NC, now in PA. It’s time to declutter & free myself & start a new chapter in my life! I’ve been stressed out over clutter & guilt from buying it all for the past 15+ years! This is my time to do it! Really enjoy you guys! Thanks!

[@Teaandabuscut]

i feel pysically sick, when thinking about my 2 daughters and our move soon, we are escaping domestic violence and why its the right thing to do i am still petrified about it. i have cleared out so much un wanted stuff as going lighter will make it easier. i just hope it turns out to be the right decition.

[@rachelb6357]

You and your kids deserve to be safe. You're doing what's best for you and them. Don't listen to your fear. You will make it. Keep looking up and forward.

[@FRANCESCA01234]

Wish you the best, sweetheart. 🤗💕You can do it 🥳

[@tesstea7468]

wishing all good things for you and your babies, be safe and well

[@Teaandabuscut]

@@rachelb6357 thank you thats very sweet of you to say, its not easy making such a massive decition but kind words help so much thank you x

[@Teaandabuscut]

@@FRANCESCA01234 thank you for your comment thats very sweet of you x

[@DeepDevilRunner42]

Somehow this show is getting even better, amazing

[@sharonvillegas4281]

It's TRUE that one can start over again alone! I'm that one person whose always been left BEHIND in terms of having a long term housemate (s). People truly come and go and it's okay.. considered it a new beginning whenever someone left.. a fresh start is waving.. time to rearrange the furniture and have that me time moment for the meantime while looking for another prospect housemates to share bills with 😁 This is a great podcast ☺️ brings back memories 😉 Take care always gentlemen 😇🙏

[@emmaadams5905]

There's a lot of items that were "just in case" and I realized if it didn't get used in a pandemic then it probably won't be missed lol. Just got rid of a bunch of extra dinnerware because I knew I had spent lots of money on it but it wasn't getting value sitting in my cabinet I never open.

[@thecatniplife]

This has been my thought as I clear out the extra stuff in the house. We also went through the horrible winter storm in Texas this year. So if I didn't need it in the last 12 months, I will NEVER need it!

[@magma9138]

Moving to a new city in August - I'm excited. A fresh start indeed.

[@Jane-op6qy]

Good luck!

[@marcereyes2289]

Me too good luck

[@irishcladdagh3]

Good for you!!! yay!

[@Bonita20us]

What a beautiful and fresh new perspective on how Minimalism can help guide us in starting over ☺️🙏💜 Its so true!

[@carolannstevens5814]

I cleared out everything and got rid of 97% of things. Freedom Love what Ryan said… if they are not helping you thrive…love this show!

[@NM-rr7oi]

3 seconds in 'advertisements suck' you have my full attention...

[@kikitaube-hansen]

Love people - use things. How wonderful is that. Thank you :)!

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

22:12 - i very rarely ask for help, for two reasons. 1. it puts me in debt to them. 2. thats a setup for dissapointment. A fine philosopher once said "expectations are appointments for dissapointment" And Henry David Thoreau said"self reliance is the greatest power"

[@christa2631]

But why do you have to be "in debt" to someone? People can help each other with no obligations just because they care about one another.

[@avimae4225]

@@christa2631 , That's not always the case. You cannot guarantee human behavior. Cheers

[@mildredcarroll7476]

@@christa2631 (

[@christa2631]

@@avimae4225 hello. I was certainly not implying that one can guarantee another's behavior. This was simply a reply based upon my outlook to the manner. Good day.

[@christa2631]

@@mildredcarroll7476 I am not sure of your intended reply as "(" was all that I saw. Good day.

[@lorenl9262]

I just moved into a newish apartment and I "started over" and it felt great because it felt like it was a "fresh start". I am less stressed and a lot happier so what you are saying makes a lot of sense. Thank you!!

[@SunnyGirlFlorida]

I appreciate that you use video for your podcast. I am a visual person and it makes podcasts so much more enjoyable. Plus, we can see your expressions.

[@BE-bs8oe]

In fact...each little or big thing, all these objects disturb me with the story, souvenirs or even old uses( as to their purpose, because a pen can write but why couldn t it become a tool to make holes or a wedge to close a cupboard e.g.) All that imposes upon us thoughts, nostalgia, waste of time, cuts of creativity sometimes. So I choose to start with myself only. Minimalist hug to all who embrace people not t'ings... 😊

[@phyliciajoykloes]

Of course starting over, or starting something, can be done at any day at any time. However, why does it seem so satisfying to start something on the first day of a month or a week? I notice I tend to procrastinate projects until I think it is "the right time" when, in reality, the right time is now. Lovely podcast.

[@robyndismon394]

I think it is bcz we are 'programmed' by the ever present Christian calendar. You'd be surprised how we feel and behave simply due to the day of the week or the season for that matter! My grandmother wouldn't do laundry on Sundays. I didn't argue with her but I told myself I didn't want that prison.

[@judylloyd7901]

@@robyndismon394 Could be that she didn't see it as a "prison." After all, its purpose is a day in which to rest from your work and recuperate, and count your blessings. With so much talk about meditation and "being in the moment" these days, why would you see refusing to do chores on Sunday as a prison?? 🤪🤪

[@robyndismon394]

@@judylloyd7901 I know my grandmother. Plain and simple. Lived with her 4 close to 40 years. She was conditioned by those that came before her and made it perfectly clear that she was 'embarassed' for anyone to even think she did laundry on a Sunday, let alone to have clothes outside on the line.

[@lindaw140]

Let go and move ahead with things adding values only

[@robinrutherfordcost4748]

Guilty clutter/sentimental clutter. Take a picture, put it in a digital frame so you can see it daily. Or like Dana K White says, get a memory box. If it doesn't fit in the container, has to go. The container is the bad guy. Hope that helps.

[@juli6497]

Asking for help and being humble and grateful for it is a blessing to THE OTHER PERSON. Tell them how grateful you are. Build them up. Share some love. :)

[@kolitiokada9825]

Enjoyed this lively discussion between the two of you - a lot of give and take! Thanks for enhancing each other and for enhancing my brain/life! I cleaned out my junk/spare bedroom and put everything on/around a 6-foot table in the living room. I'm going to put the wall shelves from the junk room and install them in my craft room closet. Thought some of the stuff on/around the 6-foot table would be moved into the new craft closet configuration - the only thing I've taken out of the pile so far is a roll of packing tape to seal an envelope. So apparently all I need is packing tape.

[@marcccreates]

:D How good is the backdrop and Ryan's eyes haha (Random) Another great episode. "What is the worst thing that could happen...coupled with ...What is the best thing that could happen" resonated with me. Simple practice but a lot of lessons I can see it helping me out with.

[@victoriajensen8484]

You guys are the best!!! Thanks so much for this! Perfectly timed for me! 🙏🏼💕🌸

[@Joshuarcade]

What great timing for this episode, I just starting watching your first podcast last night!

[@nvp9095]

Thanks again guys!!! 🙏🏽 😁

[@hannahmiller5515]

Wow perfect timing for me!! Thanks

[@brandihooper8449]

My favorite episode so far!

[@didlidoodles343]

What a great episode! Wonderful subject!! You both were excellent in sharing your views. I've been following you for a few years now, even saw you in Montreal! Keep it up! 🇨🇦

[@rossmith3379]

Needed this today, thank you 🌻☀️

[@odancewithme]

How about ... no one needing to 'show', 'justify' ... provide explanation, context to others ... and all of us feelin empowered to be ... just who we are ... not even who we want to be , but where we are at - however fragile that state is. Peace and love to everyone, Xxx

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

19:48 - you got that right, Josh!

[@andshesmiles6272]

Such a great episode

[@christineelliott7395]

it's a new day it's a new life and i'm feeling good x

[@dynrgal]

I sang that as I read it...thank you

[@jyabha]

Great episode!

[@reginstravels]

Keep it up. You guys, inspired me.

[@rowddyone3570]

love listening to u guys

[@carylmaluping9632]

thanks for this

[@kaydee3354]

I’ve heard a lot of skincare advice from some of these videos, which have included tea tree and coconut oil because they have multiple uses. Multiple use items are awesome but be careful. Dermatologists do not recommend these specific examples, they actually recommend against them.

[@MW-fi7we]

You're right. My advice is to try to use as little makeup as possible. For example, I don't think foundation looks good on anyone unless they already have perfect skin. Otherwise it just emphasizes fine lines, pimples, acne scars. Plus it looks fake. I don't understand why people use it.

[@suen5006]

Yes, I was thinking no one should use straight Tea Tree oil, it's very caustic. It burned my skin when I tried what she mentioned. It has to be diluted in some kind of carrier. Scrubbing your face with salt is also harsh.

[@ilham_us1113]

I love you guys, and I love concept of minimalism now 🌹

[@Sophia-zk3tw]

i moved back to my home and was already a min. after donating more i keep a bag in the garage and when ever i come across something i don't use or like it immediately goes into the bag to donate, always have the bag and really careful of what ever comes into my home , i have empty drawers and empty closets always and proud of it...

[@misssicily100]

you guys are REAL and in this world that is hard to find. Everyone is wearing a mask.

[@lucianaloureiro487]

Love u guys ❤

[@scorpio7938]

Great listening

[@katiapadilla529]

Gracias!! Me encantan!!❤️❤️❤️

[@happyjourneywithlynn2534]

I've asked many times for help, just to give me a boost in the right direction with decluttering. I know I can do it on my own, but sometimes it would go a little faster with another person helping out. So far I made a good dent....by throwing out a full size mattress topper that never got downsized to twin. I did cut out a couple of small parts, making a pet bed and stroller cushion for my cat Queen. The rest of the memory form got tossed into the dumpster. However, as the decluttering continues I am searching the reasons why I've been holding on to stuff that is not being used or even useful any longer. And today, I just got a deadline and the decluttering has to go faster. So are you guys available to help out?

[@kennethbailey9853]

Yes!

[@laurapvify]

Love your podcast. How about starting over after a lifelong partner passes (unexpectedly?) we lost my dad month ago to liver disease (non-alcohol related) and at 78 she is sorting through the new situation and committed to starting over - including moving across the country to “start over” to be with family. The trouble is, she has a lot of things to let go of. Would love to hear your thoughts on minimalism through the lens of someone from “the lost generation” (pre-boomer capitalist attachments) thanks in advance!

[@SFoureman]

The Fear of the Unknown What is the worst thing that could happen? What is the best thing that could happen?

[@luminescentnymph1940]

Ryan: "2020's such a blur." Me: 😆yup

[@annoravetz6697]

Honey is actually bacteriostatic. The compounds will probably inhibit bacteria in your skin. If I had acne, though, I would invest in a Clinique or Physicians Formula powder blush. That lipstick is probably clogging the pores in your cheeks. But, you can also use that blush as a highlighting shade with your brown, giving your eyes some dimension.

[@rosegon100]

I can't help but relate this video to John Lennon song. With luv.

[@sayagote]

new studiooooo

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

Whoop whoop!

[@Nan-59]

Good show! Thanks 😊

[@PinkSallyProductions]

Great subject and discuss ever. Also, Josh, are your pointy index fingers getting more pointy? Quite endearing as my fella does it too 😁 Be well guys 🌹

[@carlh-thehermitwithwi-fi679]

I'm big on "gifting" my stuff.

[@Chaoticallynikki]

So just out of curiosity is the number linked to an iPhone .. we are in England so texting back to the states cost every text messages but iMessages are free 😁

[@WarioLand3]

you should get Jonathan Blow on your show

[@vbarberful]

Wow! How did you get rid of your mortgage?!

[@kimgordon3695]

2:30 Klaus Schwab " YOU will own nothing & YOU WILL LIKE IT" 😢😢

[@twiston43]

I had materialist Boomer parents. All the toys in the world couldn't make them. I learned from a young age...

[@zhifaraandhara4125]

👍

[@whegotsa8874]

22:25

[@MollyMod613]

I think it's going to be hard for people to start minimalism if they've never really had anything in their life......

[@fatafaelasuf7914]

👍🏿

[@moviesfan5513]

How about people who never got started in first place ? How about people who never had a mortgage to get rid of and stopping car payment ?

[@sitns23]

Then you don’t have to start over. You just have to start.

[@MW-fi7we]

Same here. It just means we're a step ahead 😉

[@moviesfan5513]

@@MW-fi7we My point is minimalism is a privilege. The vast majority of humankind doesn't have the option but to be minimalist.

[@MW-fi7we]

@@moviesfan5513 nonsense

[@sitns23]

@@moviesfan5513 I know what you mean. I had “nothing”, when I started. I too used to say I was a minimalist, but not by choice. I was really poor. After acquiring the things I didn’t need, I realize that my life was easier and simpler without them. But, minimalist is not about having nothing, being a minimalist is a lifestyle, and it also involves your mind, the way you see the world. Not because your are poor, it means your are a minimalist. You sure need to choose to be one.

[@rudiwerth7006]

Ali you may want to look at a coach to support you in your journey

[@kimgordon3695]

Welcome to the grand ios' RESET 🌐

[@Janneli2024]

😂😂😂 some virus going around last year ,,,,,,well we are in lockdown here in Oz not funny 😂 sad