THIS Is Why Avoidant Attachment Styles Cheat in Relationships

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In today's video, Thais Gibson discusses why the avoidant attachment style cheats in relationships. Watch now to learn more about the root causes behind this and the dynamics leading up to it as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Rebuilding Trust & Overcoming Jealousy", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:46 - Why People Cheat
00:03:03 - Root Causes: Dismissive Avoidant
00:10:02 - Relationship Dynamics - Needs
00:11:28 - A Person Representing the Unmet Needs
00:14:45 - On The Receiving End
00:16:33 - 14-Day Free Trial Rebuilding Broken Trust
00:17:22 - Conclusion
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #DismissiveAvoidantNeeds #DismissiveAvoidantCheating #AvoidantCheating #UnmetNeeds

[@felonious77-00]

You can't prevent someone from cheating. Just like its not your fault that your partner cheated. Its a decision they make on their own. Break up before you cheat

[@andziagreen4922]

Well said, learn how to spot DA and RUN for the hills and don't wait for betrayal

[@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

@@andziagreen4922 any attachment style can cheat.

[@renem1219]

Yes, deception and lying can be a narcissistic trait.

[@bryceoleski5680]

I took a great trip this year with my girlfriend and some friends. My FA ex started cheating with a friend (ex friend) from the trip. My ex sent me a link to an engagement ring while actively pursuing my friend. These people are monsters.

[@treesaremadeofwood2145]

If they cheat, you're not their ideal choice and you can't undo what they did to you, but you can choose to have self respect and never take them back, no one does anything just once, do not take a ex back ever, especially if they found someone else prior or even after, you're not anyone else's back up plan or fail safe, if they burn those boats on the beach, then they can stay stuck there, you don't know what baggage, trouble and potential health issues they're bringing back with them, their issues are theirs to deal with not to have all their trash dumped on you or they talk trash about you because they think people should know what they're thinking..... One and done. Mental gymnastics doesn't excuse scum behaviour, if they do it once, they'll do it again. Just avoid, if they have no loyalty or care enough to actually talk instead of expecting people to be mind readers, then they're just beyond damaged, they're borderline evil or straight up evil if they cheat. People aren't emotional toys, and partners aren't a therapist, you're always going to have trust issues after that, you'd have to be a psychopath or a sociopath to not have trust issues after that.

[@diecastnorbz]

Im looking at this as a missing gospel, friend! Word for word, my thoughts exactly! Maybe your route is the better.

[@sweettagada22]

Except avoidant are often delulu about their ideal person, and they are eternal unsatisfied

[@treesaremadeofwood2145]

@@sweettagada22 exactly, which is why you bail the first hint of a red flag, otherwise it's just going to get worse, it always does.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

@@treesaremadeofwood2145 That's why many people do that never have long term relationship. Anxiety over red flags and seeing even the slightest hint of a perceived red flag and anxiety kicks where false stories are created and the relationship ends before it even starts. They never get out the dating phase or end in early honeymoon phase. Typically relationship last 6-14 months. This is just a observation which I find really strange.

[@treesaremadeofwood2145]

@@chrismaxwell1624 it's called your CNS and vagus nerve alerting you to danger, if you walk into a field where they say the landmines will end the person and they ignore the sign/s then if they know and still go ahead then they have made themselves unnecessarily go through an unnecessary stress and hell. So that's a hell noooo with ignoring danger signs.

[@smonaful]

💯. 🎯. If we don't have that loving intimate unconditional secure and safe relationship with ourselves, then in no way can we have that with anyone else. And in not having that relationship within ourselves and with ourselves makes us seek it out in relation to others. And that will never feel right or last.

[@sabrinaszabo9355]

Dating pool is very slim, I give up because these people will destroy me. I am super sensitive. I am aware of anxious attachment, but I cannot work with somebody who is not aware. I was just thrown out like trash for somebody who supposedly loved me, but I completely blame myself. Of course his ex was in the picture, he told me when I asked about her, sent her off, telling her how great she was. Wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Deep down, I knew I was her replacement. She was married, he thought that made a difference, lol. I tried to assure they were completely over before I hopped in, he didn’t see a problem, talking to her, and showing my picture to make her jealous, what about her fiancé? Nobody has empathy for the pain he will feel, what is wrong for this people

[@diecastnorbz]

Translation: There there DA. You aren’t at fault for making your AP feel insignificant and unworthy. You’re just looking for connection. Free pass! (Pats on back) Now, go out there and be somebody! 😪 This doesn’t make things better for the person that went through the savage nature and dismissive attitude of the DA/FA. To me, this amplifies that no one is really safe. Listening to this, the “Why bother” alarms are popping off in my head. This experience left me pretty hollow. Meh

[@aspegel5281]

Yeah, it will change a trusting AP to lean FA.

[@SpitFireDebates]

This video is explaining the behavior, not excusing it. You should seek therapy, and I dont mean that in a condescending way. Your response screams unhealed pain that needs to be worked through.

[@diecastnorbz]

@@SpitFireDebates Done and done, and I’m getting how the Narcissistic Personality really engulfs a person on the receiving end of things. I’m receiving therapy for all the mental and emotional anguish from being used as her “battery” till I was exhausted to be replaced with another crappy extended life battery, and it still feels like a cheese grater being raked over my soul! I get it. I get what you’re saying, and I get that you’re not really being condescending, but it still sucks and it’s still painful; especially when you have all the indications that she was here to stay! Meh again. 😪

[@Cre8Fire34]

It's amazing and baffling the amount of deferential explanations and excuses DA's are given - even in these videos - by a great therapist and insightful person. Then, you read the comments, and hundreds if not THOUSANDS of people are walking on eggshells and hoping their DA might see the light - and come back to a person ( who was probably receiving NOTHING even before the betrayal, except crumbs). If you've been in a significant and monogamous relation ship with a DA - you should go SCORCHED earth. If they won't talk in person because they get too "disregulated" send them an email or a text that lets them have it, NO HOLDS BARRED. That is the only way they will ever even APPROACH the idea of change - hitting rock bottom in a heap as all their stories CRUMBLE - and they are faced with their ugly selves. We can all REBUILD & GROW - but not when in 100% denial.

[@LeeChrissy]

I just move on and let my exes be. Why turn ourselves inside out with anger and resentment? The DA I dated is my best friend and the only ex I'd consider getting back with now that I've healed my FA attachment. Leaving exes alone and focusing on yourself is far more productive. Silence speaks volumes and having a calm, stoic demeanor is the way to go. That's just my view. If the scorched earth approach is your style then go for it.

[@MilesIncognito]

Scenario: Your DA left because they felt there was too much conflict and not enough emotional safety in the relationship. What do you do? Contestant #1: "you should go SCORCHED earth... send them an email or a text that lets them have it, NO HOLDS BARRED. " It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for ‘em.

[@Cre8Fire34]

@@MilesIncognito The 1 emotionally unsafe in our duet was ME. I was patient, compassionate-probably too much so. I didn't insult, demean, disrespect her. I was a rock for her turbulence. "Let's see how this works out for you"?. Eventually, I'll be fine. But I see everyone tap dancing around/for DA's like trained monkeys seeking a banana. We were intimate for 2 years. My life trajectory has been radically altered due to her dishonesty/dysfunction. She deserves the veil of denial to be pulled- so maybe she can look in the mirror. Karma has a human face, at times. And if the most honest and giving person in her 53 years - doesn't share some truth - then what changes, what is the point of any intimate relationship then? She can't reflect on what she can't see. She can't learn or grow.

[@MilesIncognito]

​@@Cre8Fire34 Definitely you ARE going to be OK. Sounds like you got out of a bad situation - sorry if it's taking some time to heal from it. I guess there are a variety of DAs. I'm used to being the "rock" of the relationship as the DA dealing with anxious turbulence! I relate to how Thais says DAs are often trying to get to the stability phase of the relationship & just have a nice peaceful coexistence.

[@WahkeenaSitka]

I have tried that. I have gone scorched earth on my DA ex boyfriend. I have written lengthy emails. I have gone no contact for long periods of time. It has accomplished nothing. The only healing comes from within myself and creating enough distance to be at peace and find a pathway towards moving on.

[@dandanut5409]

What everybody is missing is that they do it to empower themselves and their own independence... There was a porn star whom I believe was a DA, most of her scenes were her doing sex in front of her boyfriend or husband, or getting caught by her partner... She used to do usual porn as well but those scenes were predominant... She seemed to only get a kick and arousal by those types of scene. She was frigid and cold in most of her other scenes. She did more than one partner at once but every time one partner became a little more excited she suddenly and unrequitedly changed to the other partner, like she deliberately wanted them not to get to climaxes of pleasure and empowerement during the act . She wasn't a dominatrix btw(just a rebel). While she used to have slip outs of scenes where she was abused(even ended up crying in one) she would always turn to the cheating fantasy. What they want to show you is that you come secondary and that you are only there for their own self-gratification and to them intimacy is an instrument of control and power, about getting their needs met and de-empowering you... I never seen anyone like this doing the cheating so spiteful. I believe there are people who deliberately cheat so that they hurt your feelings and deride you. By doing so DAs seem to want to know that they have total control and independence and that they could get away even with murder with you, prioritising everything else, placing everything first while you come last and also as a way to deride strong feelings and emotions such as love and romantic ones and to see how much abuse you are willing to take as a token of your feelings and emotions. As a way to prove to themselves and you that love and relationships are fake and that you are patethic. They also seem to be infatuated by married or committed people for this precise reason. It can be that they even get a kick from hurting your emotions and are jealous of people who own their emotions and can reach to exalted levels of feelings they can't. Also as a form of jealousy. There is a study done by Dewall, Lambert, Slotter and Pond in 2011 that showed that DA's perception of relationships allows them to have independent low-level concurent commitments . I remember as I was picking up my DA her eyes were both on me and the other guy at the table, she could switch suddenly from our conversation directly to him, just that his English was poorer.. I took that as a red flag right on the spot and already felt cheated and wasn't planing on asking her out as that happened right there and then...

[@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

This sounds more like narcissism. I've never met a DA like this.

[@dandanut5409]

@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life or a DA in the spotlight.

[@jenaskye1567]

This is spot on! ❤ As someone who is being left for the ap- and i did everything i could to save my marriage for 2 yrs- videos like this - help me be able to let go. Thank you! 💕

[@tarkov666]

Avoidants will never be unconditionally accepted as long as they themselves are conditional.... well, maybe unconditionally accepted in how selfish they are.

[@svetikchum6988]

This dismissive avoidance are going to be more likely to suffer from sex addiction just because they use these high dopamine inducing, soothing strategies and often times that like one of the first strategies that adolescent can come across this is when you meet people that are highly sexually liberated and constantly going through partners it's really bad sign of their attachment

[@tiname1805]

As a FA I find it disturbing that so much focus is placed on WHY DAs do this or that. As a FA I doubt myself for distancing myself while my situationship DA of 10 years secretly opened a Tinder account just as we reconnected and proceeded in a positive direction. I feel like I am being robbed of my right to be angry and disappointed AGAIN.

[@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

This may be unsolicited advice, but I would stop focusing on that man and start healing your own attachment style. You are wasting years of your life with someone who doesn't want to move past the situationship phase? Why? You've already given him everything he needs without having to commit to you. You can be angry of course, but he is showing you who he is and you are still stuck on him. I was talking to an old friend who has been married for a few years and he was telling he that he had a friends with benefits situation with a woman for years. She was staying hoping for more and his attitude was "we are what we are". During that time he met his now wife and the fwb woman was crushed because she didn't understand why she wasn't the one. It's sad really. Why give all your energy to someone like this when their intentions are clear? I'd rip that band-aid off and move on from this man.

[@tiname1805]

@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life to be fair, I allowed the situationship bc it served me more than a relationship would. Before him I was in a relationship for 10y as well that made me feel safe as hell but a part of me was dead. He just wasn't the one but feeling safe felt good. Situationship opened a wound that was overlooked in my relationship and had he offered me a relationship I would have kept on abandoning myself just in a polar opposite manner. What situationship gave me that my relationship didn't is more self-reliance and self-trust. More love towards myself actually. Defo not saying I want to be in a situationship till I die but my timeline is directly proportional to the wounding I experienced as a child. I am not blind to my issues like that. I have been very deliberate about observing what comes up in this situationship, and if it took 50y, I would have accepted it bc the gift of healing is far bigger than the pain it put me through. It is not his fault I could not FEEL my boundaries. I was totally blind I even had needs bc having them meant weakness. He had to continuously not meet them for me to feel what they were. So, no time wasted there. Only if I worked on an agenda on how to trap him into a relationship would have been agenda-driven and I wanted sth different for us. I did not know where it would take me: maybe me waking up and realizing I want babies with whomever just to have them or wanted to be alone (how avoidant of me) or be braver to feel my needs and communicate them…I was ready. Logically I would want it to have not taken so much of our earthly time, but I did not want to skip steps just bc I needed to feel safe again until I vomit it out of me. The safe guy ended up cheating on me and yes, he got all he could ever want in a woman…and the unsafe guy ended up cheating on me. I strive for interdependence and it took me a trip through the anxious attachment to avoidant and hopefully more secure in the future. But no time wasted. Wasted would mean I have never learned anything throughout the journey which is simply untrue. Hence my frustration with the amount of videos on how to understand avoidants. Who is it aimed at anyway? An anxious person already understands an avoidant better than themselves and a fearful avoidant especially. What both these styles need is how to stop feeling guilty for showing up for themselves even if it meant losing the DA.

[@barbarabroderick4468]

​@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Lifeyou know your friend was just as guilty leading on someone who loved him and he just used her. Don't forget it, he was using her. Some friend there. What other moral ambiguities and personal slights are ok with you? Is integrity not important anymore? What about honor? Honesty, real honesty, of letting someone go and be free to fulfill their self, and not be some half wanted situationship. Your friend is an asshole and selfish to boot. I think you maybe the same if you defend that type of character, or lack of character... Let's be honest. Truth matters. Sick mindset to have if using people is okay.

[@roshalllambert]

She has explained the root cause very well as always!!

[@markcafebrown2883]

You are lucky. You don’t want breadcrumbs and you don’t want to be cheated on

[@enbykenz]

I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I always embody unconditional acceptance/support but for some reason, avoidants almost always reject that to the point of trying to eliminate me completely instead of attaching. I know I should just seek out healthier people anyway, but it’s kind of an ego hit that avoidants don’t even want to breadcrumb me… just nothing at all

[@Sidera17]

If your self-assessment is correct and you are giving the acceptance that way, it's exactly the most terrifying thing to an avoidant, which is why they will run. I have dated a LOT of DAs and I found there was a common pattern that the more giving/accepting I was, the more they pushed me away or lashed out or even became suspicious I was manipulating them. If I was neutral, they seemed so much more comfortable but I was so sad and lonely. It helped me after all these years to finally frame the situation as "Am I getting what I need?" in the relationships rather than, "Am I giving what THEY need?". Once I changed the way I looked at it, I realized it still wasn't going to work because giving them what they needed either wasn't the way I loved, and it didn't guarantee they would be attentive or able to give me what I needed. (I guess this is true for any relationship but for me in particular I've had enough experience with DAs to know they are generally not able to meet my personal needs). Also, in a more general relational sense not specific to DAs, I've noticed that people in general want to receive acceptance, but they want the acceptance to come in their appropriate timeline, so if you give it to them in the wrong "timing" of getting to know them, they think something is wrong and run from you. (I'm autistic so I can flying blind during courtship rituals and it all seems absurd to me). I'm not the best person to comment on why this happens because I think for the most part it's silly and irrational, but that could be another reason people do it to you. I am sorry you feel down.

[@RubyLine]

You embody everything that makes them run away basically. Like a "too good to be true". They don't think that unconditional love and or support exist (it does but shouldn't be there if both people aren't getting their needs met) nor do they see themselves as deserving of it. They have a core wound that's "I'm defective" and giving them what they needed in childhood makes it scary, unbelievable and they also fear that it'll be a way to be manipulated later on. Plus they also fear that after gving them the support or love, they'll have to fulfill your expectations of them. And for avoidants fears win against feelings.

[@cecilang9721]

Unconditional means that you aren’t giving to gain. Otherwise, it’s conditional. I think you may be fooling yourself as to what you are doing and it’s transparent to people who are suspicious in the first place. You should look deeper into why you want to project that about yourself. Is it a ploy to turn desperation into a virtue? Is it a mischaracterization? Are you actually behaving conditionally but don’t realize it and are therefore being passive aggressive? Clearly something is amiss.

[@sabrinaszabo9355]

Hundred percent, he told his ex, who did not choose him and actually got married to somebody else how wonderful she was. She did not even agree to be his girlfriend, and then discarded me by text message when I got upset this has fucked me up and supposedly he loved me before. He’s supposed to call me to talk about it, after two months of no contact, I just sent him a text, asking him not to do that to anyone else in the future because it’s harmful and destructive. He says I will call you on Sunday or Monday. Of course it’s not his terms, not even asking me about the time. He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t even care about him.

[@Sidera17]

@@RubyLine This is one of the best explanations I've seen to differentiate DAs and FAs. There's such a key facet not talked about enough-- the part about being afraid of having to give it back if they finally accept it.

[@awerten3746]

But if you "only" suspect that you are being cheated on, how should you confront a DA with it? Surely he would immediately withdraw or even break-up up with you because you have triggered his fear of control?

[@yomomshouse100]

I think to boil it down simply would be. I want a mature healthy relationship and im willing to grow up and not be childish, and you should expect nothing less from the person you want to spend you life with. If you want to have fun and do 'adult' stuff healthily and right then both parties have to grow up and stop being childish. 😂 you can have the whole world against you its still a personal choice to stop acting childish. And until then you wont get a mature relationship, so dont feel bad when these "dismissive avoidants" do their dumb shit. Until they grow up they wont EVER get a mature relationship. Just make choice for yourself and find someone who will do same and be mature.

[@andziagreen4922]

Well said 👏

[@ronmexico8383]

They cheat because limerence is gone in the relationship. Cheaters prefer limerence over security.

[@aspegel5281]

It's the excitement and novelty limerence has to bring, but when it's over, they feel empty, sad, and lonely. When that happens, let them FEEL it. This is the point they may try to return. Don't let them, or you will be saying it's okay to cheat, and the relationship will end up on rinse repeat, or doomed anyway from your feelings of betrayal and loss of trust. They have to feel like they really lost you before learning a lesson and the person cheated on needs to work through their feelings of betrayal. If they are repeat offenders, then don't even become involved. They are broken beyond repair when it's an addiction. That is usually tied to the endless black-hole ego that no one can satisfy.

[@Icewing10]

I think I have an Avoidant attachment, but I'm still learning about them all so I can be sure. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm in my 40's. I usually run and break up with people before the 3 month mark. So not everyone is under the same umbrella if I am an avoidant.

[@ryanw903]

perhaps go to the PDS page and do the test do find out yourself?

[@RitaP41]

AVOID Unconscious Avoidants.

[@sifublack192]

Interesting take. I always saw cheating as an ego thing, but I suppose I can see how there may be other reasons for it as well. While I've never cheated on a partner myself, I've always enjoyed casual relationships with multiple women. It's like always having "special" friends to hang out, have fun, and hook up with. Great video!

[@dannymuzzi3906]

Yea I’m in a relationship now. But fwb was exactly for that. Surface conversations and hooking up. I had alot in the past of those women lol. I’m with an ap right now

[@sifublack192]

​​@@dannymuzzi3906 I've dealt with a lot of APs (before I understood attachment styles) and they're exhausting to say the least. They're so dependent I sometimes wonder how they ever made it through life. That said, I've always loved the FWB dynamic of fun conversations, time spent together, and hooking up. I've had deep conversations with my FWBs, but someone said it best when they said, "you're interested, but not invested." Personally I don't like making decisions whilst having to consider another person, which is why I typically stay in the FWB dynamic. I only get into a serious relationship every 2-5 years (my record being 10) and none of those have ever worked out long-term. 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@sifublack192]

​@@dannymuzzi3906to be honest, I don't really mind intellectual conversations and spending time together (which of course includes hooking up). I'm not an emotional person, so I don't really thrive in that environment.

[@Agoodname4u]

I was really surprised to just at you say sex addiction probably only effects around 5%. Are you familiar with the statistics of people struggling with pornography/sex addiction? It’s actually a very high percentage of the population so I think it’s statistically impossible that only 5% of avoidant would be struggling. If I had to guess, I would guess at minimum over 50%. Maybe worth digging into a little more because it’s a factor that can really hold people back from healing.

[@WahkeenaSitka]

She said that roughly 5% of Dismissive Avoidants are struggling with sex addiction. She wasn't talking about the percentage of all people. Just the percentage of DAs that are cheating due to compulsive sex behavior.

[@MarinaM-o6p]

BECAUSE THEY WANT TOO AND FRANKLY BECAUSE THEY DO NAT CARE ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON …..

[@777-h6n]

An excuse to cheat

[@lanapatch3827]

And then there a cheaters who just plain see nothing wrong with cheating because they do not have the capacity to truly love or be loyal.

[@lisaterry9217]

Can you make videos regarding DA'S in marriage? 35 years ago didn't know what a DA was and the DA didn't show his true colors until the honeymoon, literally. And as for this video about sex addiction and the SA you are not getting to the point of it and it's true cause. This leaves someone having a skewed understanding of what's really going on.

[@LeeChrissy]

I hope you do a series on this because as you mentioned, ANY attachment style can cheat. I've seen it predominantly from AP and FA attachments in my life but have never met a cheating DA. The ones I know are loyal friends and partners.

[@svetikchum6988]

The primary type of partner that cheats can be a dismissive avoidant lol

[@Warrior_Princess_1111]

​@@svetikchum6988 that's not my experience. You can do a simple Google search to see that anxious attachments cheat as well. They are desperate for validation so they seek it elsewhere.

[@LeeChrissy]

​@@svetikchum6988 yes a DA CAN cheat. It doesn't mean they all do or that even most of them do.

[@zidesce7961]

You're out of your mind. Every DA I've ever known has been a cheater and it's practically built into their relational style. "Oh nothings wrong, everything's fine... I'm just gonna go over here and line up some backups while you're not looking because I'm too afraid to tell you that I'm feeling whatever bad emotion right now." They're much more likely to emotionally cheat too, which is way worse. They'll have 4-5 side people that they talk to and share deep emotional intimacy with online or through text.

[@LeeChrissy]

​@@zidesce7961 so because I've had different experiences with DA's than you I'm "out of my mind"? Well I hate to break it to you, but DA's are some of the best people I know. My ex DA is my best friend who I've known for over 20 years and has always been faithful to his girlfriends. Same when we were together. I've been cheated on but it wasn't by a DA. It always baffles me when people truly have a hard to separating the person from the attachment style. Everyone is different. Some people are players who also have a particular attachment which can be anxious or avoidant. Stop projecting your bad experience onto my experience.

[@kylel4971]

I'm a DA and although I've had sex with too many girls I'd still never cheat on someone I'm in a relationship with. Never. And I've had a lot of opportunities

[@LeeChrissy]

I've only met loyal DA's too. ❤

[@zidesce7961]

Do you think cheating just involves sex?

[@kylel4971]

@@zidesce7961 do you assume that I cheated any other way?

[@yohami]

They (anybody) could end the relationship instead of cheating, eg. none of those reasons apply.

[@lindaschmidt3780]

Amen!!!

[@777-h6n]

They want their cake and eat it too😂

[@christinacottrell6505]

Yes my husband said he cheated bc he was resentful

[@tolicoenciclopedia9696]

except for the prevention, this video is useless. Who cares if a secured, avoidant or anxious cheats. Once it happens, the thing is over.

[@svetikchum6988]

A lot of it is centered around the dismissive avoidant person leaning out of the relationship and creating distancing strategies, including getting their needs mad everywhere, but from their partner to create distance overstepping boundaries with other people, it's not the norm for other attachments to cheat because the dismissive person is the person that would cheat first while leaning out while shutting down and deactivating, and not speaking to the partner a person who is anxious or even fearful avoidanr maybe cheat due to prolong on mat needs, but that would be way further down the line and it would be based on like the toxic and distancing strategies over and over again of the dismissive partner

[@yaarisminko8228]

Because they are cheaters

[@LeeChrissy]

No they're not. Just like she said in the video, any attachment style can cheat. In my personal life, I've seen SA, AP and FA cheat but haven't met a DA cheater yet. Not saying they're not out there, but my DA friends are very loyal. Same with the one I used to date.

[@dandanut5409]

@@LeeChrissy scientific study has shown that DAs are more predisposed to be cheaters. You know nothing!

[@LeeChrissy]

​@@dandanut5409 you have a gripe with DA's because of your ex. Your opinion is biased. Also, I'm not saying DA's never cheat. What I'm saying is not all of them do. The DA's in my life are amazing loyal friends and partners when they are in relationships. My ex DA is my best friend. I don't associate myself with cheaters and liars hence why I just had a friend break-up with an AP/SA because she ruined her entire family by cheating. I dated a FA who was trying to talk to other women the whole time we were together. It doesn't mean I think all AP's and FA's cheat. Cheaters are cheaters and they come in many forms and attachments.

[@dandanut5409]

@@LeeChrissy all DAs cheat! you are bamboozled by people with an agenda... who wanna keep them around....

[@dandanut5409]

@@LeeChrissy I had a DA males best friend (according to him) , I didn't feel that way... All he talked about was cheating fantasy and reality.

[@lakshana5683]

I hate how these videos keep providing reasons and excuses for Avoidants, but don't give any ways to anxious or securely attached people how to cope with these situations and that they should leave if it's taking a toll on their mental and emotional wellbeing and wish the Avoidants well.

[@777-h6n]

They seem like excuses.

[@daniellemusick2645]

Do you have resources on why avoidants cheat? Is this anecdotal content or evidence based? I don't support lying and hurting others, but I highly recommend the book "Sex At Dawn." Mononormativity is a newer phenomenon anthropologically speaking. People who love their partners cheat. It's not always a sign of relationship problems. Expecting one person to meet all the needs of an individual is unrealistic. We don't expect people to have only one child or only one friend. Why do we expect people to be in one relationship?

[@ANME1rocker]

People can get needs met by friends and family. Sure, if you dont want one person, dont. But dont promise monogamy and break trust and security. You say you dont condone lying and hurting others, but people can still cheat in multiple partner situation when people go out of relationship boundaries.

[@LeeChrissy]

I think there are relationships for everyone out there and as long as you're on the same page, then sleep with who you want. Personally I'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who wants to have sex with other women. It's a very unattractive quality to me. Like the commenter said above, you have many ways of getting different needs met, but if you honestly head into a relationship knowing this about yourself without divulging this at the very beginning then that's not cool. A huge need for me in a relationship is intimacy and bonding in the bedroom. The thought of my mate doing that with someone else would crush me.

[@dandanut5409]

@daniellemusick2645 There is a study done by Dewall, Lambert, Slotter and Pond in 2011 that shows that DA's perception of relationships allows them to have independent low-level concurent commitments.

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

It is not about love, but trust. Love is the way of honesty and freedom not cheating and lying.

[@LitBroBeats]

First