S11 E5: What if Your Spouse HATES Homesteading? With Christian Winger

[@helenehenkel]

Both my husband & I came from family that got out of the farming business. In our younger years we both wanted to live in the country, my husband wanted a Christmas tree farm & I initially wanted a dairy farm but was ok with a Christmas farm. Long story short we didn't go for it, I never let go of that dream. Now in my 60's I started working towards a much smaller version of that dream. I'm managing most of it on my own while still working. I'm getting help with heavy lifting & gifts like a barn jacket, work gloves, garden tools, etc from my family. I'm not done dreaming, still have one more piece to add. Merry Christmas

[@givemefaithfarm]

This is so eerily familiar I'm getting chills, lol. I always wanted land from childhood, so I could have a hundred horses. I am not type A, for sure, and it took 40 years to even get my property and it's so small-only 2 1/2 acres, but my husband and I poured our souls into the hundred year old house (totally gutted), blackberry infested property converted into pasture (and I use pallets for fencing-it makes awesome buck pens), a chicken palace, greenhouses, and various critter shelters. My husband can build anything and all I have to do is pretty much dream up what I want and he makes it happen! I didn't have a name for it when I was a kid, or even 15 years ago, certainly never heard the term homesteading--but that's just the kind of life I wanted to have. I think I was probably born in the wrong century, lol. Now my husband was really slow getting on the wagon. He also came with a construction background. He (and I, for 14 years) worked in oil refineries. He certainly enabled me but he didn't really see my vision as a lifestyle but instead, a curiosity or hobby. At first, I was so into what I was doing, I didn't really mind that he didn't seem interested but eventually, it started to wear on me as I felt I was doing it all on my own. I wanted him to WANT to do it with me. Honestly, it almost destroyed us, mostly because we weren't communicating. He thought I wanted to do it all on my own, and I thought he wasn't into the things I loved. Couples can be into completely different things but they still have to have something in common or what's the point? Long story short, once we started communicating, we discovered a common love of this lifestyle the way WE see it. He found something that he loves about it and he took that part over, allowing me to expand what I wanted, which turned out to be dairy goats and making soap and cheese. Yes, we could buy it from the store but that is so alien to me at this point, I don't even think of it. Mostly, just escaping from mainstream society is all I've ever wanted, now more than ever. I think people are too disconnected from where their food comes from (vegetable or animal) and it's important to me that the animals we put in our freezer have their best lives before they become our food. I think the best way to change the system is not to try to change anyone else's views, but to set the example. ❤

[@rachelsutton6783]

As we listened to your conversation, my husband and I kept looking at each other and ask, "Didn't we have that same conversation?" He is the pragmatist and I the visionary. He is an engineer, and I was the stay at home mom who homeschooled. We so appreciated hearing your perspectives and affirming one another's gifts and what we each bring to the table and our whys. Thank you!

[@elizabethjohnson475]

Oh, this touched my heart; especially when Christian realized he had something to offer at the homestead. I want so much to be on the same page as my husband, whatever his passion. Right now at age 66, all he wants is to work to pay bills. He doesn't even know his passion.

[@angelak1540]

😆 We are OG Homesteaders too. We were the weird ones too. So funny that you described it that way.

[@jessicaj8148]

Thank for this. I find that a lot of men are afraid to fail which is what holds them back and may cause them to poo poo the idea of homesteading. And at times some men are afraid of their wife succeeding at the tasks that the husband was afraid to take on.

[@karonbonitatibus8052]

Ya'll had me laughing because so much of what you talked about, I've had the conversations with my spouse. Especially the pallets. I talked for years about gardening, having a compost, building a green house and having chickens & building a chicken house. We both work 40 (+) hours aweek so far I have a compost ben he helped me put together, yep, with pallets. I'm retiring in March 2023 & hope to put all my passions to use. P.S. made 1 batch of sourkraut it was amazing! I enjoyed this episode very much. Signing off, "lt's kinda Karon"

[@hazelbellefarm476]

Imagine that. Partners that know when to step back so the other can step up. Good talk on not only homesteading together, but marriage in general.

[@glitterhounds]

This why reason is so important. Making sure your family is not getting all the preservatives and prehormone chemicals is so important.

[@sandyoklahomatransient8557]

Hubby and I both dreamt of living in the country with land, and have old functional farmhouse. We wanted a place where no one (town, city, or HOA) would tell us what we can, and can't do on our property. Hubby is in his final years with work, he'll be retiring federally. I retired 11 years ago. We garden to save, and can/freeze food in hopes of eatting, and feeling better. We don't have cows, or goats. Our plans are to have chickens, and bees (we have a farm sitter). Travel, fish, camp, hike, and farm. Live life! We banter like you, and your husband. Hey.... that's what we call true love. You two keep on....keeping on❤

[@jdhall229]

Just now watched this. My wife grew up on a small farm in PA milking cows and they raised and butchered pigs. I was a city boy. We have been married 47 years this year and I still don’t understand her. She was a nurse for almost 50 years and I was in printing all my life. I still don’t understand or like medical stuff ( think allergic to doctors, needles, nurses and pain) One area to think about in the topic of my spouse doesn’t like this lifestyle is how many years did it take you to get away from buying at the store and starting to raise your own food. Give them time and they may never come around, see my comment on medical stuff, but as long as you can continue fulfilling your dreams, that’s good. Enjoyed this very much. Actually for the last few years have tried to have a garden and let’s just say I could have bought enough food to last 6 months on what I spent trying but I’m still trying. At our age (76 & 72) I’m not always sure I’ll be alive to see the harvest if I’m ever successful.😊 All my boys worked for me in the print shop when in school and I always tell folks they never knew what they wanted to do but they knew what they didn’t want to do and that was work in printing. And that was just fine with me. Two became Army helicopter pilots and one a maintenance crew chief on one. Don’t try to push someone into your dream. JD from SC Enjoy your KZbin.

[@cherylpresleigh6403]

Thank you for doing this topic, I didn’t even know I needed to hear it. My husband and I have been married for 42 years next spring. Unlike Christian, my husband would prefer I not ask his opinion. He is more the ‘just tell me what you want to do” kind of guy. The problem with that is he doesn’t take ownership and has begun to view it as more of a ‘to do’ list for me and less of an ‘us’ project to get us closer to the end result. We have an acre so not a huge space but we’re starting from scratch with no experience or family history to learn from. I’m also a dreamer (and a farm girl at heart) and can have a new idea and new project list on a regular basis. I realize after this podcast that these are my dreams and not ‘our’ dreams although he does surprise me with things he says from time to time. There was a time much like you Jill, when I had a desire or idea, if it was even a little bit possible that I could take it on, I did! Now, because of some health struggles and arthritis that is all consuming, I rely more and more on him. I guess I need to reevaluate my why and take an honest look at my abilities and be mindful of my husband so that he has a voice whether to say yea or no and then I can figure out from there if my why is worth finding a way that either leaves it up to me or I find another option for the needed help based on what I’m able to arrange. What a blessing this has been. Thank you both for sharing. Merry Christmas.

[@azimus1776]

As one of the - apparently few - bulls on this range, I can say this was a great episode! The conversation on how your different skills and interests overlap and reinforce each other is awesome! My wife can wax eloquent for an hour about her tomato plants, but rarely says more than "uh huh", or "yeah" when I start talking about my ideas for repairing a retaining wall. Remember the other dudes out here, Christian! Moar Christian videos about custom log splitters and irrigation! Erm, if it fits the plan, of course!

[@azimus1776]

Argh I made my comment before I heard about the podcast! I'm IN!

[@erinhall8294]

Jill this has been SO amazing to listen to. Made me realize some things about myself , which made me cry . This is so woven into relationship and cherishing each other . I love the back and forth you have with each other ... thank you !

[@jjsolly5039]

God bless you both. Some thought-provoking take aways: know your "why", and don't wait for a cheering squad if you feel called to do something productive, and I would say "God-honoring" merry Christ*mas!

[@missourimom2620]

The Episode I was hoping for! The struggle is real😊

[@kristineparks4606]

I love both of your perspectives on homesteading. Me and my husband are starting homesteading slowly. We started a garden last year and now we are talking about getting chickens. Love your show

[@EmilyGloeggler7984]

I’m glad we don’t live rural anymore. Off grid doesn’t work for everyone, even if it earns a profit farming, gardening, rearing animals, etc. I’m so blessed to have my husband who is on the same page and sees the end game and we agree to promote self sufficiency in cities and towns. Thankfully, as this video poster admitted the truth rarely said, “Whoever realizes homesteading has caused more problems and stresses than its benefits, have no shame to leave homesteading”. Don’t be ashamed to find alternatives. There is more than just on and off grid and it always depends on the individual. We believe in self sufficiency but we don’t believe nor support isolationism as history shows that comes with a myriad of problems and honestly we don’t need that added unnecessary stresses in our marriage. I hate farming, gardening, planting, raising livestock, and homesteading and I thank the Lord for helping us move to live a self sufficient relaxed life in suburbia and the city. Praise Yeshua!

[@cynthiaallcorn1407]

Thank you so much for this episode. Guilty as charged...."Can you do this the way I think it should be done?" Ugh. Such a great lesson for all parts of marriage and although we know it, why do we forget to apply it? Looking forward to inviting my husband into the process with freedom and seeing the amazing ways he will invest in his own way. Thanks, again!

[@arcticmike2516]

You both bring a good logical approach to the discussion. Please do more of these.

[@skipsayles9874]

Great picture behind you. Be the Lion, not the sheep! You guys are awesome!

[@jjsolly5039]

The Lion is Jesus. The Lion of the tribe of Judah!✝️💕🙂

[@michellerose6721]

LOVE that picture!!

[@kathyepps115]

I can relate. I'm the dreamer with the "What do you think of this idea?" and my husband is the one thoughtfully researches and draws the plans that he believes will work. It always takes longer than I wanted but we work together to make our life a reality.

[@caralyn-ca-5016]

We can all be a complete success in the things we love all by ourselves. And we can be happy to help each other

[@alanacawker-therusticwife]

My husband hates pallets too! I am the same where I just want a project done and my husband will whip out the blueprints, levels, power tools etc. In the end, I'm always glad he curbs my impatience and gets the job done a little more stable than it would have been if I did it! 😂

[@homesteadingheartland]

It was really nice to hear both of your perspectives👏🏼🙌🏼✨

[@robertantolik2146]

I get such a hard on from homesteading! I love it and wish I could turn it into a full time gig. My wife doesn't work and so I've been the sole income for going on 30 years. I can't ever really get far enough ahead to make it full time. My wife likes the idea of it but isn't really willing to do any of the work. Except for the canning and cooking. It is tough taking care of chickens, rabbits, a garden, fruit trees, a full time job etc. by yourself. I can never take on cows or even goats without more help. Having a partner that is 100% down would be a game changer! I love my wife but I don't feel like I can ever really get where I want to be and what I want out of this life. Shit now I'm sad. That sucks. Still love your channel

[@SuperBettyboop40]

My hubby likes to travel every year. So I just try to make everything from scratch if its available. Going to try and grow some peppers ,and tomatoes this spring . wish me luck.😁

[@thedelightfulcottage343]

Love it! Shared the podcast with my husband! He loves the homestead life, he is a hard working guy like Christian and maybe once we move to MT he will have more time to be part of it.

[@marissadevantier]

Great hearing both of your perspectives! Such a great give and take!

[@soliver902]

I really enjoyed this episode. Thanks for sharing your journey. 😊

[@glitterhounds]

I was homesteading in early 90s, canning, baking, etc. Hubby was dragged into it. He ended up leaving and then canning became necessary with raising 3 kids on very limited income. Scrounging back then to get canning jars was an experience. This time i will be canning on outdoor fire to save on energy. The cost of gas or propane will wipe away canning savings but if i had to i would to be sure i have enough food.

[@glitterhounds]

L

[@cathywco]

Made my husband watch this one. He’s slowly coming around. By the way, your husband reminds me of Jack Carr, his way of speaking and mannerisms…compliment.😊

[@Grannie7420]

Omg this is me and husband ! I wanted a chicken coop from Pinterest (out of pallets) hubby no I’m gonna do this, me ok here’s my dream. The girls have a mansion with a sitting area for me. I got a mama goat and two babies last week, I was gonna do a electric fence system that I could do my self oh no! He took over (yes it’s way better than what I was doing) bless him for putting up with me, he even went and bought me a quad to go down the hill and back, I have arthritis pretty bad in my hips and back, but I was walking down there multiple times a day. I’m try to talk him into raised beds in front yard area. Bless you both!

[@amandaweires]

Thanks for making this episode. I got a lot out of it.

[@pascalxus]

Excellent topic!

[@marysidle5132]

Loved the topic today!

[@tamarasself-sufficientlife7539]

Wow. Great points brought up. How to bring him in, so that he has ownership & motivated contribution. And then, what Jill does to make this as something that I can do myself (being single & alone). I loved this podcast, AND being able to watch you both talk about this. Many thanks, as usual. Great content that is valuable to me. Glad to hear he'll be a regular. Merry Christmas, God Bless You both. Thanks for mentioning the "why" for individuals. I'm alone, & it's a good reminder.

[@dhansonranch]

Interesting podcast. Will have to check out Christian's podcast.

[@godsconstruction]

Happy New Year ☮️ ❤️ 💡 #blessings

[@alannab7978]

I love this! you guys are great :)

[@OLDBD1]

Thanks for all you do .

[@violet5610]

This video was great. Thank you

[@Greens5511]

Loved this!! 👍👍 I WOULD LOVE THE BEEF OPERATION INFO!!!

[@ReedFamilyFarm]

Sad! You're already sold out of 2023 planners! I'm going to try an adaptation approach, and re-use last year's planner, with a current calendar adjacent (for reference), and this will hopefully show me last year's reminders, dates of importance, planting details and all the good stuff... By November, I will be ready to buy your 2024 planner! Cheers to an organized year...adaptation required!

[@stillwatersfarm8499]

I think I’m a visionary type. I have to say the things your husband said about consistency were kind of triggering for me. I really had to talk myself down when he was talking. 😅 I do think lack of consistency has irritated my own husband in the past. Part of the problem is we aren’t all gifted with the same level of energy and physical coordination. And while we can improve those things, it is undeniable that some people are more gifted in those areas. I would get frustrated when I had a vision of something, but be unable to complete it on my own or be unable to be consistent with it on my own, and my husband wasn’t bought in. While that can be disappointing, I have learned I have to dial in my vision to what I can complete on my own or what we jointly want to do. The good thing about being a visionary is we always have plenty of ideas, and sometimes accepting “not right now” on an idea is relieving. I have dairy goats that I can dry off if I do not have the energy or will to milk, and it isn’t such a drag on the home economy that feeding a dry cow would be. I made a smaller garden that was a proper size for me, and it was the most productive garden I’ve ever had. I have to say though, for the most part I think my husband agrees our homeschooling and homesteading decisions have greatly improved our quality of life and personal freedom. I can’t even imagine living how I was raised now tied in to all those systems. It’s truly unfathomable.

[@GoingGreenMom]

Any chance Christian will upload the podcast to YT? Even if it is audio only. Pretty please?

[@nancybrooks-hartz8807]

? When are the 2024 planners coming out ?

[@gaytonhomestead4122]

This sounds like me and my husband. He is fine that i have chickens but they are mine to take care of and i have a garden he will till it up but i plant everything. He works all the time he works for the power company full time and the he has odd jobs on the side. Maybe one day i will win him over the same way.

[@roniniowa1661]

I really am a person that watches to learn. Podcasts are not my thing. I watched this one much longer than usual. We are a small town retired couple. I’ve been building gardens, started rabbits, then quail. My wife fought me all the way. Until she needed something that I had in the basement vs going to the store to buy. She has grown into eating from the garden or quail. Just don’t ask her to do the garden, harvest a quail, or can vegetables and meat. That’s ok with me. I’ve spent 9 years developing the garden. I don’t think I’m willing to share the planning.

[@Greens5511]

Whoa, working 80-90 hours a week away from any home or relationship would be a huge stressor.

[@heidispence4444]

My brain: oooh look at the comfy flannels

[@mburnhors]

That picture in the background looks like The Lion of Judah guarding His stupid little sheep, who don't have sense enough to appreciate Him.

[@melissacorkum]

Your hair has gotten so long!

[@ruthzeller5285]

I wanted to recommend your husband's podcast to my husband and brother. But I found the language too offensive.