Therapist Reveals How to Stop Others From Manipulating You | Nedra Glover Tawwab on Women of Impact

[@cherylm.6448]

My motto: I would rather adjust my life to your absence than to adjust my boundaries to your disrespect.

[@lilyiyi08]

YES!!! Love this motto!

[@MG-bh5qt]

Deep 🙏🖊💞

[@Ngalaina]

AAAAA------MEEEEEEEEEN !!!!!!!!

[@LisaBilyeu]

🔥🔥🔥

[@jean-mickeygresham2652]

🤩

[@draganabrkic9906]

To put it metaphorically: A boundary is a gate you place in front of another person with a written sign on it that says:" The price of passing is your change in behaviour. No change, no admittance."

[@LisaBilyeu]

LOL!!! Love that! 👏🔥

[@carmel-wayfinder5401]

🎯☑️👍🏽

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

Beautiful!

[@cristinam3234]

@@LisaBilyeu hi Lisa, this is kind of late but what do you think of someone calling something a boundary but they’re really just trying to be controlling? I like to think of myself as someone who respects boundaries but I feel as though someone is trying to manipulate me and be controlling by calling everything a boundary. What do you think Lisa? Have you seen this kind of manipulation before?

[@cnmuchina00]

This is such a powerful. Put a price for admittance.

[@jackiek4159]

"We may not know what we need but we know what we don't like" Amen to this!! 👌🏻💯

[@BibleNerd22]

That part was validating.

[@sabnoor1575]

Yes 😂

[@gladys2690]

I concur

[@slrussellsmusic]

Yes I am 50 and realize that I don’t even know what my boundaries are!

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Revelation! I’m 43 and I was expected to be 100% emotionally available to my insecurely attached mother. No wonder I became a fearfully avoidant people pleaser. Codependent no more. I moved out this month. My daughters deserve better. No more generational attachment trauma masquerading as cultural respect for toxified parenting.

[@HabitualLover]

God Bless you. I swear I wrote that comment myself. Whoa. Like she said, we thought it was just us, but so many have the same experience.

[@angelamag]

Specially when we have a narcissist parent.

[@NanetteNette]

"No more generational attachment trauma masquerading as cultural respect for toxified parenting." *Whoa* I'm in this boat and i don't have kids. Please tell me more.

[@surahsays]

Beautifully said

[@overcomer8691]

I’m 35 n I feel u on this seriously

[@gammie1017]

Empathy and mild mannered people get clobbered with nonstop asks. We say no nicely and pushy people keep pushing. It's not until you flip do these people get the point. Then you're left to feel doubly guilty. Lisa Nichols says to get people to appreciate your YES, they must learn to respect your NO first.

[@LoveFaithLive]

I've often wondered if some don't hear until we shout at them, is because while growing up their parents kept repeating their requests to shouting point before expecting their child to obey the instruction. My mother never shouted at me and apparently I usually did what she asked fairly promptly - wash my hands, yeah no argument. Dinner's ready, yeah I'll be there in 2 seconds mummy.

[@motherof3pearls]

@@LoveFaithLive lol, we did this, but my kids mistook our leniency. My husband and I often had to yell/speak firmly before they got the point. That’s when they got that we meant business. Procrastinate is human’s natural bent. We are still a close and loving family today. Praise the Lord! 😅🙏

[@latinagibbs2770]

Exactly

[@Slowmetamorphis]

Oh this is so true

[@CuratedVibes]

I'm going through this with a few people now. It's like just when I think they are respecting my boundaries, they will find a way to keep bringing up the fact that I've said no or declined past invited. I find myself explaining to then over and over. I'm losing patience and detaching.

[@GLesbihonest]

I'm learning things I wish I knew while growing up because I became an adult that has been manipulated and taken advantage of because I learned being silenced as a child, growing up in a narcissistic family environment.

[@justinamusyoka4986]

True,i thought after leaving my fathers home,the chapter of manipulation closed but i was wrong,i saw the same people pushing to manipulate my children as well.

[@deena3003]

True...i experienced the same. This is life changing.

[@SharlenesJourney]

Same 😔

[@annmarieknapp]

I understand!!!

[@annmarieknapp]

@@alab.cadabra1152 I do get angry about it and it makes me want to learn how to rethink situations so that I can establish healthy boundaries. I did not have them growing up and it has made for awkward interactions in adulthood.

[@theblissfulcanuck]

"You're tolerance of nonsense may be higher than mine." Amen to that!

[@anom3897]

yes for real!

[@veneratedvixxen]

Learning to set boundaries has been and is going to keep being such a difficult thing to do every single time until you’re comfortable doing it.

[@veneratedvixxen]

@Sara Fox yes! It' is a very admirable thing indeed! I always remember the saying that the only people who would be offended by your boundary are the ones who are benefiting from you not having one!

[@annmarieknapp]

Yes. So practice makes perfect. You can role play it with close friends, so you can think fast on your feet with a sympathetic and non-judgmental audience. Or you can do it alone in your own place. It is good to practice as much as you can so you will feel less awkward.

[@optimalscore]

Yes learning this now at the ripe old age of forty something.......just wish I had this skill when I was younger.

[@tessawallace379]

Hello Ethereal Beauty. I totally agree. Thanks for sharing.

[@nikkyk2016]

So true .I recently just started setting healthy boundaries after years of narcistic abuse and being a people pleaser and seeking validation from others. My mother died when I was 11 and I never knew my father. My grandmother was a very mean manipulative person she ignored my emotions and never showed me any type of attention. I am healing and learning an know my worth now . Although it feels foreign to me I am so thankful to God for doing this.

[@SydMountaineer]

Boundaries do not work with toxic & narcissistic people, boundaries only work for people who care, have empathy and are able to want to meet you halfway and take responsibility for their behavior. Boundaries WILL keep toxic people away from you and tells them they can't manipulate you when they first meet you, but when someone already knows you, knowing your boundaries gives them the info they need to know how to hurt you, so, it's important to recognize that when you set boundaries and someone is not consistent or is passive aggressive & manipulative, or uses it against you, and does not care about your boundaries, no matter how much you keep setting boundaries, it will not change a relationship with someone who is unable to feel empathy or care.

[@towelie6850]

Exactly. When I realized I had to set boundaries, a "friend" tried to ignore them. She didnt like the fact and kept pushing me back into her game. Since I had health problems, I needed time by myself and even after I explained it several times to her, she clearly disliked it. She tried various types of manipulation and I cut her off. Never ever I would behave like this against a friend. Lesson learned :)

[@katalynbabe]

@@towelie6850 what I'm dealing with now.

[@camjo7410]

This is true but discouraging. There is always a way out n resources you can tap into, as well as a whole restraining order if it comes down to it. It’s either YOU or THEM, treat it like life or death because in some people’s cases it is. Not saying I don’t agree, I do. I’m just speaking from experience.

[@TheEllaTB]

Yes it will change the relationship because setting a boundary involves consequences (she talks about it after minute 10) I can't force my husband to speak kindly to me, But I can say "if you speak with that tone of voice I will leave the room". My boundary is something I respect regardless of whether others respect it or not. Eventually when my husband realizes he has no one to talk to either he will choose to speak to me differently or that relationship will be different in that specific area. If I set the boundary with my friend "don't stop by unannounced" but she comes anyway. I can choose not to open the door. She may not be happy, but she now understands she must respect my boundary or waste her time driving all the way to my house pointlessly.

[@Apocalyptiseptical]

They do work but you have to make it subtle enough so it doesn’t hurt their ego, using humour for example, I.e. with difficult coworkers. When it’s a parent or partner then yeah there’s nothing to do, except no contact, and saving your inner peace ✌️

[@zippyspring]

The example of Nedda not forcing her daughter to hug the person is so paramount and profound. Thank you for empowering your daughter, Nedda. Think about the messages that little girls and boys get when they are forced to be touched by people when they don't want to be touched. We learn that it is acceptable for people to touch us when we don't want to be touched. Predators thrive in environments where we don't respect the boundaries of children.

[@thesnoopydance645]

I've been boggled on how to respond to certain people that keep asking the same request of me over and over. And so I keep doubting my "no." Questioning myself, when instead I could say:"I see that you're not understanding that it's a no from me. I need you to stop asking me. " Here it is. So simple.

[@jacquelinejones4230]

Yes my male friend does that. Continue to ask for loans. Than I gave in. After he has love bombed me. I see it go 3 day cycles until I just stopped and now he don't know what to do

[@gabriellearrington2118]

This is what happened during the child interview with Serena Williams, where an interviewer asked the same question to make her second guess her statements. Her father stepped in to interrupt the interview.

[@erwvhkasdkvhsdjajsdhcadsh9055]

Thank you ❤️

[@kazkazzie3906]

@@gabriellearrington2118 yes i saw that. He is a great father.

[@cdorothy444]

@@jacquelinejones4230looks like a narcissist

[@a.humphries8678]

If they're bold enough to ask, you can feel bold enough to say no! Although, saying no usually leads to insults or rage.

[@queentomca]

Booom

[@fishstickbio594]

You do have the right to say NO . You are not responsible for the reaction of that person .

[@a.humphries8678]

@@fishstickbio594 exactly. They do behave so badly that one can tend to try to avoid trouble, like insults, fits, or rage. It's all a trap.

[@TheCoCo_Connection.1]

the choir said "AMEN"

[@peggydelozier8636]

Exactly! Don't feel uncomfortable to say no because they asked. Too many people protect other peoples comfort and ignore their discomfort with those people. If you ask me something and Im uncomfortable with it i will think to myself well you were comfortable enough to ask me so there needs to be a boundary there because you should not be comfortable asking me questions and requesting things from me knowing its going to make me uncomfortable....nope

[@sharongonzalez5187]

When Lisa says she loves her family, friends and partner more than life itself and is asking for advice setting boundaries and the fear of not being liked and stop people pleasing. I love the fact the answer was so clear, you must love yourself first. The person you should please first is YOU and everyone else comes second.

[@LHarris3000]

But how do you reconcile that if it ends up meaning you have to push the people you love out of your life? I mean no one wants to be alone, & psychologically speaking it’s not good to be alone all the time, right? Or is this just what they were talking about when they say if you want to be successful you will walk alone?

[@nirmalanagalingam8789]

@@LHarris3000 if I may step in to share what I have learned over a period of time. We must LOVE ourselves to build the energy of LOVE that can generate and travel to the person next to us. Once they feel the vibes, their perception or their outlook of you will turn, positive. This is something that I have learned over a period of time and it certainly changed my aura around me. Regards from Malaysia. 🌹

[@ety3144]

@@LHarris3000 You will need to set boundaries for the relationship, on how long you talk to them, what level of disrespect you accept from them. Standing up for yourself should be welcomed if they want your well being and really love you.

[@TexasStardust11]

I just really learned this, this past year. And since I been practicing it, I have been MUCH MORE HAPPIER ❤️

[@NanetteNette]

Something I struggle with.

[@truthhurts...6574]

Boundaries are definitely a problem when it comes to girls and women. Because you're a woman people especially men feel entitled or that you should act a certain way in regards to them. But, I learned to cut people off regardless of who it is....family included.

[@SharlenesJourney]

Yessss 💯💯💯 they think can do anything to you cause your a woman we have it harder

[@TheFeliciakelley]

YESSSSSSS

[@annmarieknapp]

Absolutely!! Society expects women to take this mistreatment and you are expected to be the caregiver and so forth. No!!! Not cool.

[@blackcurrantpop]

Wake up call women, we are equal to men. We have a voice and feelings. Don’t let men demean you or mistreat you bc of their selfishness. Every human has rights to be treated fairly.

[@elhadjdiallo633]

This morning I was brushing my teeth in the shelter inside the restroom the was dude I don't even speak to him at all when he w saw he got frustrated and furious for reason at all then he was like get the fuck away from me I done nothing to him guess what my response was I gave him silence treatment then he stared at me I stared at back without uttering a word I passed him up with my silence treatment because his a narcissist..you know I'm extremely handsome , good-looking, intelligent, smart and dark chocolate caramel dude I get attention whenever I'm around people from both sex I'm in to women I always keep my mouth shut because ever wanna smell a narcissist ever again ......toxic people are death to me I love them with all my heart I wish them anything that I would wish for myself .biblically speaking I don't wanna meet these demonic, evils, wicked , dangerous, vicious , delusional and toxic people in heaven I wish Allah to Gant these demonic anything phenomenal that they heart desire here and here after !!!! Ameen !!! I don't deserve to be in the shelter at all because I know my worth and value . Cptsd , and anxiety have almost ruined my life !!!!!!!! I know my worth and value !!!!!

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Boundaries are a critical topic. When I started to learn how to set boundaries, many people were excluded from my life. There were a lot of narcissistic people in my life, and they had to go. What this therapist has to say about recognizing tactics of manipulation is so important.

[@Dayosonic]

Boundries is like a sieve to sieve out bad people.

[@Laura-sn8iy]

The worst things guys sometimes do is to exaggerate on boundaries. One of my exes used to throw boundaries in my face whenever I asked him to do something genuinely nice. After a while it became clear that by telling me that I don't respect his boundaries, he actually just protected his own laziness. In the end he didn't go on dates with me anymore, he didn't wash or dress himself properly anymore and he got me thinking that I was the toxic one. We broke up and I learned a valuable lesson to question the agenda behind some peoples boundary settings. No, I will not mother a grown infant.

[@einsteindarwin8756]

So true. Boundaries can be manipulation in reverse.

[@audreyjay8541]

Yes I have just learned this lesson.with a person I love very. Much..very sad but true.so thanks. So much.

[@greaterishe7197]

"Grown infant"

[@oddgoddess5576]

as a married woman, i stopped doing so much shit for my husband because i wasnt getting enough in return(not even money wise) but due to me stopping what I usually do all of a sudden im the “nasty one” like bye i dont have to even be here and he know it so i literally dont gaf atp.

[@millypann8083]

Some men Never grow up Laura! They want you to be a substitute for their mother! Believe me I should know.. Unfortunately I married a guy who was a real mummy's boy! He was so abusive and made me believe that I was the toxic one in the relationship so he could set boundaries whenever it pleased him! Never made a effort for anything.. No wonder he didn't want kids..was too much responsibility on his behalf. Good riddance to bad rubbish as we Aussies say..

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

I used to really hate the word "boundaries." After getting a divorce of 38 years, I'm starting to see the light, these videos really help, this one was the best so far! Had to get a new roommate, he unplugged the AC in the summer then the Heater when winter came, then he said he could re-wire the house and install new system, I said, I like my house the way it is. He proceeded to call me manipulative and stubborn. gave him 30 days to get out. Goodbye, feeling peace now.

[@justinamusyoka4986]

I thought i was the only elder listening to young experts explaining the very things that destroyed my early and middle age years.I wish this was taught right from home.

[@millypann8083]

Hit the road Jack..don't you come here no more no more no more no more!

[@mediokritet]

It's never too late 💕

[@peggydelozier8636]

Sounds like he was the stubborn and manipulative one. See ya roomy hit the road. Disrespect my house rules and you gotta go 👉

[@sherriflemming3218]

Right when someone literally takes over your living space and tries to change it, it's time for them to leave. Manipulative and stubborn is a common reaction from someone manipulative and controlling that isn't getting what they want!

[@freenchrist2935]

So AWAKENING! Thrilled over this knowledge! I was 36 years of age before I understood boundaries. Abused all my life. A scape goat while growing up. To this date, I respect boundaries PERFECTLY. My children choose not to respect mine, and get upset if I try to exert any. Now I'm blocked from my grandchildren, and I miss them SO much. I'm tired of the merry go round with my own children. If they choose to cut me off, I'm fine with it. My peace is more valuable.

[@Momo-po5tn]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@veronicac.sparks1795]

Old wounds die hard. To the point where, they continue to, fester and become, like a blister on the soul of, those, inflicted.

[@freenchrist2935]

UPDATE:: THINGS are perfect with my Children. I never dreamed,in a BILLION years, the RETURN on expressing Godly Wisdom WITH Love. Remaining Stern, and NO longer allowing yourself to be controlled, nor manipulated, WHILE Remaining in Love gets results!!

[@Momo-po5tn]

@@freenchrist2935 happy for you!!

[@freenchrist2935]

@@Momo-po5tn A LOT of SOUL searching. When u go through an extreme form of attacks from your OWN children, JUST for saying NO, or correcting them and setting boundaries etc. it's EXTREMELY painful. I approached the situation in prayer. I still answered their calls, and showed them love. I also stopped calling them. They eventually reached out to me, and came around. People who attack in this way, KNOW what they do is WRONG. Guilt, and shame often manifests itself in anger. I hope everyone who reads this: find your voice in this life; NEVER allow ANY ONE to muzzle and ignore you. NEVER ALLOW ANY breach in ANY boundaries you set.

[@lifecanbebeautiful6548]

Nedra, is my therapist and she has changed my life.

[@Afroyogacollective]

28:00 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I set boundaries with my best friend, and she ended our friendship due to the changes. It hurt for a bit, but the emotional weight lifted off my shoulders changed my life, literally. ❤️💜💚

[@alisarumrum2062]

Good for you, I’ve dealt with toxic and manipulative ppl, then after many years of always being there for so call friends and then seeing these same friends not being there for me, I changed the entire landscape of how I started to relate to ppl Periodt and when you do that, you will find that they don’t like that you respect yourself, love yourself and will gaslight you or test you to see if your really serious by being disrespectful. Let them go if they can’t adhere to the boundaries, good luck ❤️

[@LaPinturaBella]

Amazing how relieved you actually feel when toxic people leave. Literally like an invisible one ton weight has been lifted off of your soul.

[@sharronsmith2234]

Yes! Been there, now experiencing freedom

[@brendahassell2829]

Same here after 35yrs of supposed friendship.

[@tessawallace379]

I'm happy for you. Thanks for sharing. You'll get a friend whom respects and love you dearly because you're doing the work that'll bring love without conditions, I'm 53 and I recently learned that how people treat me is up to me, I have choices. Keep loving yourself.

[@romeothehavanese]

Once you are able to recognize a manipulative person, make sure every response to them is an automatic "no" regardless of what they ask. They will eventually look for another victim.

[@popkultureentertainment324]

That's a good one.Manipulative people only see kindness as compliance anyways.Theres no point in dealing with them at all.

[@Apocalyptiseptical]

I noticed in work environment you get a lot of respect always responding No. no is the beginning of négociation, as Chris Voss mentioned, and he was a FBI hostage negotiator.

[@GingersnapsRealtor]

Boundaries are not mean / it is self-respect ❤️ great interview! 🥰

[@LisaBilyeu]

💯❤️🙏

[@southernstephanie]

Thank you 💗💗💗

[@ashleyb.8217]

Great conversation

[@ErumEhmad20]

Self - preservation

[@christian4641]

I completely agree "Boundaries are not mean/ it is self respect"

[@g.pearson4726]

Great interview I literally just had this conversation w my mother yesterday She believes that bcuz I cut people off (I being do this since I was a kid) that it means & I’m holding a grudge She doesn’t understand that cutting people off is protecting me And if I cut them off it means they deserve it My mother used to send me as her proxy for things she didn’t want to do While she hid under saying she had to work It wasn’t until I started to travel for work. Away from my family and friends That I realized it’s ok to say no. No I won’t go to parties or do things that make other people happy and make me miserable I say no without an explanation I’m in my mid 30s …that was my life since I was a child I now only do what I want and teach my child and kids to do what makes them comfortable first not last

[@jolly444]

Perfect

[@umsrum]

You can really see that the Therapist has a lot of love and compassion for people on her her face

[@anncannon343]

I love how calm yet assertive she is. Great interview!

[@rosanafesus1406]

Why is this channel so underrated! I found a gem. Thank you, I really needed to hear every word of Nedra. Amazing channel.

[@LisaBilyeu]

THANK YOU!! ❤️ So happy you enjoyed this episode 👏

[@breathnstop]

I really like this. Boundaries with kindness. An old boss taught me to say no. "I wish I could be more helpful but I cant."

[@turisteandoentexas]

Always always put what you want first! YOU are the most important piece of theirs puzzle called life because only YOU will suffer the consequences

[@IS-gk4jf]

Loved this! Lots of us are more worried about what people think of us rather than putting our needs first and setting boundaries with no guilt

[@lilyiyi08]

I LOVED this interview! Boundaries help nurture healthy relationships! Boundaries Empower! :)

[@LisaBilyeu]

💯👏💪❤️

[@tessjones5987]

It is important when you call someone Ask--Is this a good time to call or to talk" That makes it less ackward.

[@Shortfoot84]

This whole session spoke to me. I would like to think I have a high tolerance and I was raised to be kind. However, persons trying to manipulate me is a serious pet peeve and I recognise it instantly. I always tell people if I say something, it's important so pay attention because when I can't tolerate anymore there is no coming back. We are done. It still amazes me how many people, particularly romantic partners, who just take my feelings and boundaries for granted until it's too late. Then they want to talk all the time to present their case and promise the moon if only I would just give them another chance. I struggle sometimes with the dealing with this because I don't want to hurt their feelings but I am not about to continue to be unhappy either.

[@nomfundomhlanga2251]

U r me...

[@cnmuchina00]

I couldn't have said this any better. Especially romantic partners and friendships. I realised that I was at fault. I gave my 'liquid gold' (kindness, love, understanding etc) on credit. I gave it before I did a background check, credit check, before they proved the deserved it. They go so used to get me so easy that they got upset when I put boundaries after I was taken for granted. Now people have to pass through alot of checks to have access to my liquid gold. If they are not patient, then too bad, they will miss out on what I have to give. That time will allow me to access consistency too. People can lie, but not for too long.

[@DivineRiffswithTiff]

@@cnmuchina00 I love this analogy. It's so on point.

[@monicasendoeu9524]

I learn that lesson in hard way but now I, can see when is time to say, stop 🛑.

[@glendaolsen9158]

I said those exact words to my first marriage. I stayed & tried for 13 years.

[@bunnybunny7112]

Thank you for this interview. I find it so difficult to set a boundary before I know how someone will react. Growing up my mom was controlling, angry, overexaggerated everything and I couldn't even ask for time to cool down before talking about something she was angry about. Pair that with shitty relationships where I was belittled, and working customer service jobs where I wasn't allowed to tell people "no" and I have been basically a walking doormat. I'm 37 and finally analyzing why I am the way I am, and how to change it. It helps to know I'm not alone.

[@TheEllaTB]

37 here too and finally waking up to the abuse I have tolerated all my life. My children are my inspiration and empower me to say No more! I am breaking away from the stupid obligation of feeling like I have to accommodate everyone while letting myself get trampled. I don't care what people think. My health and the health of my children is way more important than their victimized hurt feelings

[@arrenleigh]

The first time I truly gathered myself and communicated my true boundaries, I lost a "best friend", but I gained authentic self respect in their place and that's more valuable than any person. I will never put myself in a subordinate position for another person again, that's a boundary I now set for myself AND for them.

[@marcelineleee]

You can't just tell people about your problem. You gotta ask them if they're mentally ready for it.

[@madison4251]

@Bruce Wayne I usually say, “I’m real emotional and need to talk, do you have the capacity for that right now?”

[@nidasimmons5605]

This is a new relationship, they insists on "dropping by" without calling or being invited. The first time they mentioned they might do this I told them it was something I didn't like. Now they have come to my home without notice on more than one occasion. So I finally made it clear to them not to do this. The response of course was defensive. To the point of them telling me they were sorry I felt that way. Needless to say I decided to cut them off. It doesn't work for me.!

[@mphomolotlegi127]

Nida Simmons, I'm in the same WhatsApp group with you, especially on this one. It is an irritation when people drop by unannounced; it can be indicative of them not respecting your time, and of course your boundaries. If people don't listen to, or respect your boundaries, it's time to cut them off and unapologetically do so. Your peace of mind and mental health comes first.

[@barbarawarner1442]

@@mphomolotlegi127 Annnnd one's physical and overall health. I have a completely politically incorrect boundary that is usually not respected especially here. People here more often backsass you, general APB, so I parted ways or kept it in the grocery store so to speak. Because of this limit continuing I would leave right away except I found a generally respectful UNabusive situation at this specific place. This video and actually ALL of you commenting is such a tremendous support right now. So Thank y'all.

[@yourstruly1984]

My mom does this.. very rude, disrespectful and shows she doesn't care what I'm doing as long as I can do what she wants me to do !

[@marthajeslyn]

'' I am sorry you feel that WAY''is not an apology it's mind game to prepare you for more abuse.

[@Happyandfree67]

I have a sister who constantly did this even though I'd made it very clear that I needed a heads up before a visit. Well, the last couple of times it happened, I simply didn't answer the door. When she called me later, I told her I had a migraine and the other time that I was sleeping and didn't know she was coming over. From then on, she has consistently called or texted first. I love my sister dearly, but this was a boundary that she was not respecting and it had to stop.

[@mphomolotlegi127]

Where has this channel been all my life?!This was amazing. I grew up in a family where my boundaries weren't supported or respected and had been doormats to manipulative and emotionally and mentally abusive results as a result. I stood up to an abusive relative over two years ago and I haven't looked back. I'm so grateful for how far I have come. Thank You for this empowering conversation. It's our divine right to set boundaries. At the end of the day, you have to jealously protect your peace if mind and overall mental health. Thank You for this!🙏🏾💪🏽

[@b.o8144]

I cant believe the timing of this video. God bless you...

[@LisaBilyeu]

❤️❤️❤️

[@RoronoaEmi]

If I say "No" to someone and they don't respect my no, I understand instantly that that person does not respect my boundaries. Do NOT be afraid to continue saying no to someone, and realize that you still have power to take away your presence from them. Get up and walk away. Have an "out" for yourself. If it's a parent who is difficult, talk with a friend or partner to help support your walking away or shore up your sense of self when you feel close to caving in. No means no. In every situation. Even if you're nervously laughing while saying it because you don't want to hurt the other person. They need to take you seriously. You can be caring and polite, you can even compromise in a way that doesn't violate your boundaries. But don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself.

[@elizarock655]

If you’re not used to it the reaction can be shocking as you can see a side of a person you have never seen when you finally say no.

[@RoronoaEmi]

@@elizarock655 Yes, absolutely. Especially if the person you are trying to say no to tries to shame or manipulate you for doing it. ;_;

[@ednaevans2025]

Right...

[@mashakalinkina7207]

Thats a Really fantastic point!! These people have no problem asserting Their boundary so why do We feel bad asking for a Modicum of what they're flat out taking without even thinking to ask/Demanding. Gonna take that & put it in my pocket-thank you, Nedra!!

[@tinker2217]

This was soooooo HELPFUL!! I had an idea I was being manipulated, but her examples were SPOT ON with what I'm dealing with. This video helped me leave my emotionally abusive marriage of 21 years. Thank you so much for this. ❤

[@g.pearson4726]

Congratulations I pray that your happy and healing May your future be bright

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

Know your fundamental human rights. Keep your distance. Avoid Personalization and Self-Blame. Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions. Use Time to Your Advantage.

[@annateves8944]

My 40s is way more loud than my 30s. I'm like #excusemeimspeaking

[@elephantshoes]

I love your way of thinking 👍

[@Pcg.5ive21]

😆

[@Apocalyptiseptical]

Yay 😀

[@davidslocum9536]

Oh my gosh, this is SO good!! Instinctively, I did a lot of the things mentioned here. These tools were not provided to me so I had to re-parent myself later in life. God was with me and guiding me. Accepting that you DO have a choice can actually revolutionize the way you think and do life!!! GREAT video ladies!

[@zlatar2120]

I am really done bending, adjusting, being “a good girl”, pushed around, seeking external approval, tolerating toxic people. Thank you so much for such an insightful talk ❤️

[@trantrieu1615]

It's so nice to hear this, I'm a Vietnamese American, traditionally raised and have always always been told to not voice my opinions in front of adults. I see a lot of Asian kids, always agreeing, saying yes to everything their elderly says. We're told to keep quiet, even when we're bullied. My sister and I are in are 20's now, and we're trying to unlearn a lot of behaviors that were taught to us. Up until this point we still get asked to do a lot of things for our parents, even our parent's friends, etc. We have school, a job and our own personal problems, including mental health problems. It's very draining, saying no means we're rude, but saying no to me means I do not have the time for it. I live with my mother, our personal preference and lifestyles are very different but moving out is insanely expensive where I live. It's whether I choose saving money, or having sanity at this point.

[@claudiacardinelli1867]

I would move. Find room mates. They may be easier to live with. And it will be easier to establish boundaries, as that is what is expected. It might even be fun! Know that when you do stay with your parents for any length of time, you turn back into a child, and they revert to their old ways.

[@NanetteNette]

I moved out with roommates in my twenties. Been working 2 jobs since. I'm back in school to level up my earnings so that I don't have to work like this. You might have to but the bullet until you can graduate and move away.

[@Happyfeelinpeace]

I was done biting my tongue a long time ago. I taught my daughter to be okay with not everyone liking her. It's reality. I gave her what I know. Should I have to say no, I say no.

[@catherinengigi1781]

1st time I see someone who looks like me being interviewed

[@entitled7665]

Exactly! She’s beautiful 🥳🤩

[@reallifeyoruichi7186]

Yes girl. I love Tom and Lisa but it has def crossed my mind that I would like to see more black women being interviewed, just for the sake of representation

[@LoveFaithLive]

@@reallifeyoruichi7186 Fair enough I guess, but I'd like to see more black women being interviewed because they have the knowledge as well, not just because of anyone's colour. This woman's definitely got the knowledge and shares with us from the heart.

[@NicolineNDahl]

Check out her podast with Spirit. That woman is the essense of charishma! I loved her interview

[@marvalousmarva9539]

Lisa has interviewed Lisa Nichols. They do need more diversity. Tom should interview Eric Thomas, the Hip-Hop preacher.

[@Official6FigureSingleMom]

Sometimes manipulation is subtle. For instance, my daughter’s family on her Father’s side have done it to me for years. They have done a lot to help me with my daughter to compensate for her Father’s absence. Since they have supported her they feel they have the right to control what goes on in my household. It wasn’t until a couple years ago I realized that I am the queen of my castle and what I say goes! No longer do you get to decide what happens with my daughter’s future. Which high school she attends, what should happen for her birthday, and even where we should live. It is my right to be open to suggestions but the decision is ultimately mine. Don’t allow others to make you feel entitled to them because they’ve offered to provide you with some source of help your voice matters and you are in control. People should give simply to give not to expect to gain control or something else. This is the biggest form of manipulation. The only person outside of yourself that has control outside of you is God himself. Remember that! 💯

[@milkandspice1074]

I just don't talk anymore. Too many people knock down and invalidate my feeling. I don't feel like arguing and becoming upset trying to defend myself.

[@HabitualLover]

Come bacckkk, lol. If you stop talking you lose yourself. Start with baby bites to speak up. I lost too many years of my life not wanting to rock the boat, and being quiet in hard situations. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[@Hendrixtanell13]

Nah im sick of it.. like my mother said stand your ground

[@nicoleharris5005]

Yup! Save your words for your own tribe (kind).

[@g.pearson4726]

You maybe an empath You have to learn to protect your energy It will get better

[@flip1980ful]

Thank you!!! I recently let my family go after they unleashed on me again- for the trillionth time. I backed away quietly- they sent their minions, I was detached but respectful and they flipped out. I will not be their foolish punching bag. Im free! The further time takes me the better I am at distinguishing those red flags 🚩 the closer I get to people who really care.

[@glory2jesus11]

Yeah I went through pretty much the same thing. I'm the "quiet one" so people pretty much think it's ok to treat me anyhow.

[@claudiacardinelli1867]

Good for you! Keep at it. Get on your new path and let the pack of vampire narcissists and their dogs fade into the distance. Family is people who care. Not people who are out for blood, cause it's blood they know.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

Coming from a “codependency” background, this was just the information I needed. Your guest was delightful and so on point. Thank you for a wonderful interview 🙏

[@QueenOfPrinciple]

I stayed quiet for many years of manipulation-trauma, wanting not to ruffle feathers, but ai was hurting inside. I had my moments where I spoke up but then I'd calm down into passive aggressive. I'm so frank now, it's crazy and inappropriate at times!! I'd love to learn how to put boundaries in place without being rude and rough to do it.

[@TheEllaTB]

As you grow in strength you will no longer feel so aggressive in what you are doing. As you get more comfortable in your new skin you will do it more naturally. Role playing in my mind helps me as well. If takes time, give yourself grace

[@amys.johnson8449]

Yes! Healthy Boundaries are imperative! I too have experienced being Gaslit by extremely Disordered Unhealthy individuals. When they do not respect my boundary I completely go no contact with them as that is a boundary as well. I respect others and I demand respect for myself as well. Thank you for this channel. ☺️✨🙏🥰 It's extremely empowering.

[@TheEllaTB]

Yes! People will treat you according to the way you allow them to treat you. I'm learning I have no obligation to accept disrespect.

[@Glodak]

I really love how you kept your word regarding getting more women of color on the show, It speaks volumes! Thank you!🥰

[@free2bwild913]

I’m glad you brought up “women of color”. I didn’t want to create an argument but I have ALWAYS admired how you respect yourselves and don’t take any sa&t. You stand strong and tell them what you think…..I’ve been a pushover and need empowering groups like this!

[@t4t806]

@@free2bwild913 Bless you for your comment. I have always felt the same and seeing that they stand up for themselves against manipulative, abusive cowards is 90% of the reason alot of people especially men try to use them, break them and hurt them. We must ALL stand up for oneanother and protect oneanother together. We are all strong and need oneanother to bring out the strength within oneanother but the right strength 💪🏾💪💪🏼💪🏻🦾💪🏻 💪🏿💪🏾💪💓

[@LaPinturaBella]

When someone tells me "you're too sensitive," etc. I now immediately tell them to stop gaslighting me. That always takes them aback.

[@maryanneevans8812]

Good job!!!

[@gymnast2890]

Does hell break loose when we speak up, yes, I chose a poor time & said in a argumentative voice...but I'm surrounded by people stomping on me, so I blew. I'm also surrounded by Angels as well...no worries. I told the truth.

[@tipsybass7060]

If one thing I’ve learned on my journey, is that most people don’t want to hear the truth. Especially if it hurts.

[@melissaszarka5718]

Silent desperation is a great way to describe parts of my life.

[@Guddilove801]

Whoa! ' The more your boundaries are respected the more one feels connected.' that's such a aha moment for me. That's exactly how I felt as a little girl ..it was okay as I knew I was deeply loved by my parents. Thank you my angels /soul sisters . I'm not alone struggling in this modern culture of having to provide lengthy details of why I'm asking certain things of my family.

[@SpiritLives]

love this!!! I'm learning this concept after 30 yrs. I feel middle school and high school students could also benefit from this!

[@queenofstitcheswarrior2668]

Glad you asked about family. My parents and i set a clear boundarie with my brother and his girlfriend but they kept on ignoring it in the worst possible way. It was so toxic that my parents and i decided to break contact with them, unless there comes insight and most importantly, respect, the door is closed. This sounds so harsh but it took us 17 years full of disrespectfull behaviour. It made us fysically ill, now we can breath again.

[@ErumEhmad20]

For me, any boundaries I create my inlaws come at me with "on but we care so we say ..." And yes it's a tactic to shut me up. Please let us know how to stand up when the manipulators use love and care as just a means to manipulate.

[@sue4913]

I try to stay calm while saying "I am thankful that you care. I will make my choice and keep your advice in mind."

[@ErumEhmad20]

@@sue4913 thank you. I needed to build enough self love first to think and feel this way :) I just started this with my husband. Your comment made me realize I can accomplish thus with his family as well 💖

[@sue4913]

@Erum Ehmad you're welcome! All the best. I am also trying to stand up for myself more 😘

[@Bea768]

I would say: I care about you too, that's why I don't tell you what to do. I simply believe that you are smart enough to find your way. I expect the same from you.

[@ErumEhmad20]

@@Bea768 these words "oh we care that's why we say it" are not said out loud , or my life would be easy. As I can then inform my husband their actions don't match their intentions. There's psychological manipulation where it's implied they are caring people 100% of the time as my husband has maintained their repertoire to me. And I see through their masks, so I'm a threat. I don't think they are in the mindset to understand that response you suggested. I've tried being that intelligent with them. I get the blank looks in return.

[@BeckyMichel]

I've had to cut off & set boundaries with ALL of my direct relationships! I was a HUGE people pleaser

[@mal8447]

Yasssss Becky. 👏. I like the fact that you wrote "was". 🍾🥂

[@gabriellemorellisinger1608]

GREAT COLOR LIPSTICK 💄

[@gorgeousunicorn6251]

Uff i needed this so much. I generally have no problem setting boundaries in my personal life except at work. I'm a theater artist and there's so much toxicity in the industry- it feels like every time I raise my voice to say something i'm looked at like i have two heads. And when I say nothing i can literally feel my central nervous system activate and try to cope. It's really disappointing- i really love what i do.

[@ErumEhmad20]

People push so they can exhaust the other person. The person then just gives in. This is how they think they will get their way, by being persistent in not respect ting boundaries.

[@tonggao08]

Agreed. 😓

[@sherriflemming3218]

No is a complete sentence - Gavin De Becker The Gift Of Fear

[@renemargaretfield130]

Nedra offers such a groundbreaking world view. I follow her on Instagram and bookmark every post. Lisa did a wonderful job on this interview with many great questions!!

[@victoriarosario3338]

"I'm feeling something and you're being DISMISSIVE" !!!! That's the word that I have been searching for that I expresses how I've been feeling. Thank You!🙏👍👏👏👏👏👏

[@queendyna2543]

Be nice " is the worst advice given to women I'm not saying be disrespectful always not everyone deserves your kindness especially if they are harassing you

[@InfinitegardenbyBethK]

You’re so right. I feel as though this message came to me from too many sources to count.

[@dickie9748]

@@InfinitegardenbyBethK Especially parents preaching to girls to be nice to males.

[@ethnocentricfun991]

Yes and "don't be selfish" more worst advice!

[@Stainless009]

So true

[@parisjej]

OMG yes! I found that being firm with some people made them realize not to fuck with me bc I have been nice all my life, people ran over me all the time and took advantage of my kindness.

[@reallifepsych3309]

KZbin algorithms are starting to get a little to specific for me haha. I hope everyone reading this has a productive and relaxed Wednesday!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Lol! Aww thank you!! Same to you for Thursday ❤️

[@lisabilyeu8103]

Haha! Hopefully that’s a good thing 😉

[@shadevi]

Another phrase to recognize manipulation: if you really cared for me/loved me, you wouldn’t do X.

[@LoveFaithLive]

Yeah! and it boggles my mind why people don't ask back And If You Loved Me, You Would't Ask...

[@Lover-of_TRuth]

💯

[@sailormoonfan300]

I dont agree, if for example ur partner says that they love you and care for you, they would show that through their actions words etc. If ur partner keeps doing things that they „know“ that you hate or just simply the opposite, if they keep bringing back your traumas after telling them several times that their bahivor is disrespectful. Then its appropriate and normal to say that , :if you really cared for me as you said, you simply wouldnt have keep doing those things when you know that i talked with you several times that it hurts me and i cant tolerate it. Has nothing to do with manipulation. Certain actions simply just prove that it doesnt match what they are saying abou loving and caring for you.

[@Muchesia-Sylvia]

@@sailormoonfan300 I totally agree with you.

[@shadevi]

@@sailormoonfan300 I understand your point, but I still think that it is a form of manipulation. In a situation like that, there are two different beliefs/expectations of what love or care for means between two persons. The moment when your partner says, if you would have loved me, then you wouldn’t have done X. He is basically saying: in my perception of love, a person who does X = a person who does not love me. While you do love him, and the X (act) that you did, does not say anything about how much you love him. But he is making you believe that you don’t love him, because you acted in ways that do not align with his perception of love. Right there, the manipulation is taking place.

[@Juicein]

Wow! This was immensely powerful! I’ve been unconsciously keeping boundaries with certain people that I’m close to for a long time, but I didn’t necessarily have a narrative to attach it to before now. This helped to show me boundaries I was unaware of and brought a lot of respect to those in my life who have set them for me as well! Very enlightening!

[@JessicaChastainFan]

Women of Impact is the best channel on KZbin, hands down.

[@seekingmysoultribe3612]

Most definitely!!!

[@Rhawn246]

This was an EXCELLENT discussion on boundaries! Nedra's approach lands SO smoothly, it focuses more on self in a way that is compassionate to you, healthy and ultimately most sustainable. Great video, ladies! Thank you!

[@massageistherapy]

My whole life I’ve I stuck unwaveringly to my boundaries to the point where I’m down to just 2 very close people in my life, and I have zero regrets about all those who fell away because of it.

[@keeiona90]

I love how she puts everything into perspective to where we are not hard on ourselves but also not so hard on others!

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do wish some specific manipulation tactics were discussed. Setting boundaries & evaluating who respects them is crucial, but there are more details that were left out. Manipulations can be quite subtle & I think it would be a great benefit to your audience to provide concrete, specific examples. Great discussion on boundaries, though.

[@romeothehavanese]

One manipulation tactic I've come to learn is they get you to agree to a little thing first...then, once you say "yes", they tie in a bigger favor, which was their agenda to begin with. "Oh, could you walk Johnny to the bus stop for me this morning since you'll pass my house anyway?" "Sure", you say. Then, it's "oh, well could you do that tomorrow, too?" And soon, you'll be walking Johnny everyday, feeding Johnny, getting him after school, etc etc. while that person is sitting on the couch watching TV or sleeping in. Beware of people who seek to find how you "tick"...they are looking for your "currency" and will use it to manipulate you. Best way to deal with them is to say NO to everything they ask.

[@mbrown3606]

I think they did cover it broadly by saying “you know what you don’t like” and also “you have to decide what best for you, what you can live with”. It requires some introspection; self evaluating and applying to your life in the way that is healthiest. Learning yourself, journaling, learning your triggers etc. I think it was pretty instructive and comprehensive in giving you somewhere to start even if specific examples weren’t provided.

[@mashakalinkina7207]

Ugh!! And making sure to ask if someone is open to listening to us!! Such a fantastic reminder; sometimes esp in close relationships that can be forgotten! Id like to be better about that for sure.

[@jehannedufresne3998]

Good stuff! Boundaries should be taught in school.

[@emeliabailey9770]

So should narcissism.💯

[@kikichildress5796]

She smart fr fr I needed this confirmation it also showed me how smart I am alota things she has spoken i have been saying this in my 3 year relationship fr fr.

[@alexisbibbs1537]

As a parent, it's like walking a tight rope with no safety net when you are teaching your children values such as sharing, selflessness, turn taking etc; and, your child says to their sibling, "No, I don't want to share my toy right now with you sister!!" ... I love that one child is finding his/her voice, setting boundaries, being assertive ... And at the same time, I'm disappointed that they're not sharing with their sibling, a person on our team and not being a team player. It's a very fine line!

[@carlajoythompson4355]

I work at a very intense job that takes a lot of emotional capitol. I have told my friends that I cannot be a coach/emotional support for big issues because I don't have much left. A few of them do not seem to get it and insist on dumping their emotional pain/situation at any time of day or night. I loved what you said about recognizing that I do not have the emotional capitol to take it on, and that I can just share that I cannot talk right now..... Huge! Thank you.. I don't have to be upset with them.... they do not know what is going on with me!

[@diannaroeder9661]

Thank you for sharing this information. I feel so empowered by a recent interaction with someone I care about but continues infringe on boundaries I set and re-set only to disrespected. I was shakey asserting myself but I feel better about myself and the choice I made to express my concerns with boundaries.

[@dominiquewilliams2985]

Love this interview I’m 29 going on 30 and I’m still learning things about myself and there is deep rooted problems within my family that has never been addressed and it becomes aggressive to where My family makes there problems my problem they don’t wanna put in the work for self and it never goes away it dies down but the problem is still there so this year I have decided to cut them off for a while but it hurts when I mad the decision but within those moments I felt lighter the situations I was encountering was effecting my health and now Ik how to set boundaries for myself

[@cthornton523]

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Best newlywed advice I recieved... Thank you Lisa for introducing me to The Glorious Miss Nedra of the Megawatt Smile. She really rang my bell, wow... Pls make that track, "It's a choice," over a dope beat 💖

[@Avoid_Low_Frequency]

Omg!!! How I needed this!!! 63 yrs old just learning!

[@justinamusyoka4986]

Me too,58 years and surprised it took so long to process manipulation in my early life.

[@Lover-of_TRuth]

Thank you so much!! I sensed the manipulation to disregard my boundaries, but I stuck to my guns and so glad I did.. I have to respect myself at all times 💖

[@tovenrvik6336]

You can/have to give them yours.

[@DanielleStarr]

Sister your boundaries were being tested early in. But you handled yourself with grace. You are beautiful sister. I followed where you went with the topic. It was beautiful. You're beautiful. As a people. We're still overcoming obstacles everyday.

[@Grammapama]

I love that we need to find community by talking to others and being vulnerable. Finding groups we can find people that share some of our experiences

[@ziontatad1554]

I set boundaries to keep my peace of mind. I am not going to do something just to appear a good person! Done with it even if they are blood family

[@julieannafoss6819]

Biggest take away for me was when she said if people forget your boundaries, its not on purpose, unless theyre doing it maliciously. People forget and its hard to create a new habit. Dont hold it against them.

[@HabitualLover]

❤ and that protects everyone from toxic people who weaponize the whole idea of boundaries.

[@jeniferprince1613]

Very informative! Things we were handed and take for granted. At 65, l'm still learning to set and keep boundaries that r mine. Need this book❣

[@shannonferguson4810]

Superb advice from Nedra. Thank-you, Lisa, for having her on your show. :)

[@michelleneuman579]

Great interview! I was glad that she gave some important examples.

[@charleec.272]

This segment was so powerful and packed with so much useful and practical information/advice. I forwarded it to at least 10 people. Thank you for sharing!

[@dionneyounger4]

To hear her say.. do you want to be right or happy. it was my grounds for walking away from the marriage when i realized, i will always lose to his need to be right, everytime. Such a relief!

[@santbr]

Wow, again another AMAZING interview, I still struggle with setting boundaries and this was so refreshing, I loved it. Thank you so much! I'll actually commit myself to watching this every day for a month. Lisa Bilyeu literally changed my life, this is my absolute favorite mentor and channel right now. God bless you Lisa!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Boom!!! Amazing!! So happy to be a small part of your growth! 🌱🙌💪

[@kimwalkermitchell6199]

I taught myself to set boundaries and to learn the power of no. We get comfortable with our inner circle and I felt that I need to grow, but remain me. When I reached out on IG, I found the communities that could nourish that so I felt fulfilled in all the aspects of my life.

[@yourfavoritetiktokers4112]

Lisa straight to the point right in the beginning isnt even funny hahaaaaa Adore u lisa

[@LisaBilyeu]

😂😉

[@mybeautifuljourney7540]

We need these answers ASAP 😀

[@nonniejill]

"Being vulnerable with people" is so genuine, authentic. Letting people know what you need is so healthy. Learning to ask for what I need is like a new car for me, I have not learned all the features of operating it, I don't sometimes know the sublties of things or how much is too much, so it took me awhile to understand that I need to, as you say, "know myself" so I am not over-doing the use of boundaries in response to never having used this feature in relationships.