Crappy Childhood Fairy's Story of Healing Emotional Dysregulation After Growing Up in Abuse

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Has childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma impacted you? Today's guest, Anna Runkle, aka Crappy Childhood Fairy, is here to talk about how growing up in an abusive home led to difficulty regulating emotions and relationships and how she learned to practice healthy emotional regulation through her life journey.
Emotional dysregulation often happens after CPTSD because the brain develops adaptive strategies to living in an abusive home- strategies like cutting people off, denial, and blowing up - that work in the short term in a toxic environment. But these strategies don't work when you're trying to live a healthy and stable life.
Anna teaches how you can learn to regulate your brain and your emotions thought a simple daily practice of grounding and writing. Childhood abuse or neglect doesn't have to define you, and Anna will show you how.
Check out Anna's channel here: / @crappychildhoodfairy
Anna's free course, The Daily Practice is here: bit.ly/3608opl
Anna's website: crappychildhoodfairy.com
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
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[@Barb.....]

EMMA: "You're nervous system has an inherent ability to heal." ANNA: "You're designed to heal." ME: bawling... because hope ❤️

[@petuniaandpoppy4615]

Same

[@rachelel.4863]

Same, my heart goes out to you all🤍.

[@hanisgirl]

This is one of the MOST important things I've heard in a very long time! We are DESIGNED to heal. For those who aren't offended by speaking of God or a Source of Higher Energies: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rGO7k3hsh7qhnq8

[@ericwickman920]

That was me the other day when I found a Dr who listened.

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@msmarj01]

“There is a completely good and innocent person inside”. Her CPTSD actually saved her. How beautiful. Thank you Anna!!

[@ssgundes1]

Emma thank you for having Anna from the crappy childhood fairy on your channel. I’m so tired of clinicians putting down people like her just bc she’s not a licensed clinician talking about healing non traditionally. But her sharing her recovery from ptsd I believe is very helpful for lots of people.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

I think that the trauma therapy community (as soon as you move away from rigid CBT practitioners) is really moving toward a nervous system regulation and body based approach to working with trauma.

[@ella17734]

Agree 💯! Just because someone doesn't have a degree doesn't mean that you don't have any wisdom. Infact one thing that would be great for professionals to learn is that they're not infallible in their perception and to stop devaluing the people they treat. We do have wisdom and unfortunately, there are things that only experience can truly teach someone. Discounting that is actually quite demoralizing and it happens a lot in mental health.

[@ssgundes1]

@@TherapyinaNutshell indeed! The body holds the memory! Thank you Emma for all you do! I’ve learned so much from you

[@lisajohnson6351]

@@TherapyinaNutshell wow! What an important point! I hate CBT because it’s not just what I’m telling myself, my whole mind and body becomes so discombobulated I cannot take information in.

[@ericwickman920]

Anna understands and has experience. My Doctor has a fancy piece of paper and might as well be blind.

[@hermitmode8540]

“If it’s urgent that you give somebody a criticism, it’s probably your dysregulation talking.” -one of the many gems I’ve taken away from this powerful conversation 💗 Thank you!

[@moirosalina]

Me too, I've written that one down

[@unboundbytiffany]

Right, my daily life it seems nowadays agh.

[@emilywinterflood8793]

Yes same here! ❤❤

[@kathykonkle1097]

My repeated dysregulated thoughts are: No one likes me, no one will ever love me, I need to isolate and stay away from people, my life is over, it's all downhill from here, it's hopeless, I have no life and more. I just recently signed up for Crappy Fairy's writing course. Thank you both of you.

[@Unit68]

Wow, it's so strange to see the exact words I say to myself written by someone else.

[@karendonovan8271]

Might want to create affirmations in contrast to your dysregulated thoughts. Are thoughts are powerful! You can create a new reality by changing them. It helps me!

[@merncat3384]

I catch myself saying the same things that an abusive ex used to say to me on a daily basis.. "You're so stupid" "what's your problem?" "You suck at life" "stop crying like a baby" "you dumb bitch" Damn 😔 even right now just typing that out triggered me. UGH

[@juliegiordano3995]

@@merncat3384me me meeee

[@erinblu8551]

@@merncat3384 Reading this gave me chills. I hate this for you. And I hate it for me. I'm so grateful for the people out here doing the work to help us not only see that it's not us, it's trauma, but also showing us ways to work on healing!

[@ricksneed4171]

I'm a 70 year old and Anna told my story in less than 5 minutes... I've been suffering symptoms of rage and lashing out for the past few years, intensely. i started DBT therapy yesterday. I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS, I HAVE THOUGHTS, BUT, THEY ARE NOT ME is a new and hopeful concept I hope I can adopt.

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Rick Sneed_The book by Pete Walker they mention in the video is very good. Very in depth and a big read. Also I found books and You Tube on Stoicism helpful.

[@mammadingo9165]

I wish I could have discussed this with my grandmother 💗 I miss her and know she suffered too .

[@island661]

That's awesome that you're finally getting the help that you need and deserve. 💙

[@sharonbeers4621]

When I started COTSD treatment Thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions are NOT FACTS. This was so helpful. Hope your journey becomes more joyful as well.

[@biocykle]

Go watch Anna's videos if you haven't already, it is a goldmine

[@melaniemcafee1775]

Two thinkers who are out of the box and truly helpful to a hurting world.

[@RegisteredNurseL.A.]

Oh my gosh! I’ve tried to tell people that I feel like I don’t deserve to be on this Earth like “normal” people do and no one understands. When she said that about herself it was an epiphany for me.

[@Tionaintown876]

Right everyone else seems to function so normally but it’s so much more difficult for some of us…

[@JM-gz4jc]

I am in the same boat with you. I have told this to a few people (one being a counselor) and they think I am suicidal, but I'm not, which actually confused me as well. I'm glad to see that I am not alone and i'm glad these thoughts and feelings make more sense now.

[@JM-gz4jc]

I'm in the same boat with you. I have told this to a few people (one being a counselor) and they think I am suicidal, but I am not, which actually confused me as well. I'm glad to see that I am not alone and glad these thoughts of not belonging on earth make more sense now.

[@ginahamlyn2569]

I'm a Counsellor and without doubt this is the best information that I've heard on Trauma and regulation. Thank you so much.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Glad it was helpful!

[@connie10000]

Definitely! I just recently came across both of these LADIES myself in the past 2 months. Interestingly, when I went thru counseling... I also felt worse AFTER explaining all my troubles each visit. YET. when I was connected to journaling and hearing the Holy Spirit whisper... I then kept feeling LED it was better to say little rather than more to KEEP MY BODY MIND & SPIRIT from getting highjacked/emotional overload/over stimulated = DISREGULATED.

[@joesmoe71]

One thing that has always struck me about the damage we've all suffered and on some levels will ALWAYS suffer is that the abuse has spread throughout our family bloodlines like it was an inherited disease or curse; The great grandfather was abused by his father... he having been traumatized teaches his children to abuse their children, they in turn abuse their children because they were taught that's how they are supposed to act as a parent, etc. The most courageous and moral act any of us will ever choose is stop that curse within ourselves, no matter what that cost is.

[@Secretzstolen]

This is why nobody should be forced to have kids when they're not ready! There are enough traumatized children and adults in the world, it is so sad. Kids deserve a loving home where they're wanted and that's prepared for them

[@brigidvanparys2062]

So true

[@danitaoliver264]

For Sure......Stop the Cycle!!!!!!♡♡

[@girlchicken2625]

Its so commonplace to point out the intergenerational aspect,.and some people seem like they're trying to make other people "not blame" their abusers, in order to soothe themselves. :| Reading these same things over and over just isn't helping. I won't have children just to prove I could never go to the lengths my mother did. Since others can "remind" us of this, I'll remind you that intergenerational trauma itself isn't an unstoppable force driving every abuser. Some of their actions required being truly disgusting. And other people manage to raise kids without giving them PTSD as much as other people "fail" not to. Sorry.

[@lynnebucher6537]

I have a friend whose father beat his mother regularly. It stopped when Friend grew big enough to confront his father and threaten to kill him if he ever hurt the mom again. My friend told me that he was determined he would never pass that abuse on to his future family.

[@stoptheinsanity8963]

When you said “the weird reactions from PTSD actually serve a function, your body is trying to protect you” it was the most profound explanation I have ever heard. It gave me a deep understanding, almost a love for the very things I have always hated about myself. I cannot express the impact that just had on me. I don’t have to hate myself anymore?

[@evonne315]

I love re-regulating by running a hot bath, add epsom salt and baking soda. I get complete body dysregulation, shaking and can hardly stand. Second is having two long pillows and a reg pillow setup with a weighted blanket to snuggle in. Third is having noise cancelling headphones I wear them and play nothing. Sometimes I play the sound of the forest or just rain. Hang in there everyone! Thanks for the great chat! 🌻💖🌻

[@KoolT]

Dr Scholl's foot soak powder works

[@lowlowseesee]

thats awesome

[@kateapple1]

I’m sorry, but this doesn’t make any sense how does emotional dysregulation affect your body? Why are you shaking and can hardly stand? And also isn’t that sort of avoiding the conflict in hiding if you’re hiding under a big weighted blanket with a bunch of pillows in your hands over your ears I don’t really feel like that’s helping ..

[@kateapple1]

@@KoolTwtf are you an ad

[@katherinebell2410]

I am 73 yrs old & just beginning to understand why I feel like I have never belonged in my family or to them. Thank you am the way

[@annelbeab8124]

Keep going

[@cintowin]

This woman, Anna, has such a comforting vibe about her. I mean her presence is very calming- it's rare to find someone with this ability to this extent. Just seems like someone you can talk to easily and listen to easily.

[@eleanor4759]

So very true. Irene Lyon is someone else on YT who talks about dysregulation and has this vibe

[@katarinakovrlija3372]

I started crying from the part when Anna was talking about how she confessed she didn't want to live to that lady who replied come in and let's have a cup of tea, that pure kindness of that act just broke me and I kept crying till the end. This was such a gentle and kind video and message and it really gave me hope, thank you both ❤️

[@Eclectifying]

Yes. It is terrible that people are punished and treated like a criminal for simply being honest and telling people they do not want to live!! The way “suicidal” people are often treated today is terrible! It doesn’t give them a reason to want to stick around!

[@sarahblunden4372]

about a year and half ago I was sitting in a park just wanting to end my life. Two PCSOs sat with me and wouldn't leave me till the ambulance turned up, since watching these videos and joining groups I've really started to heal but I still react badly to rejection and setbacks. The other week I went to catch a train home but the doors locked and pulled out and I got upset. I need to make sure I stay regulated when I'm out and about

[@Sarablueunicorn]

@@Eclectifying I believe that if someone with terminal stage cancer and chronic pain expressed their way to die many people would express empathy and not locking the person without even the right to a lawyer

[@tammybain6582]

Praying for you...

[@gretchenwhitney9102]

Yes! I actually had almost this exact experience last night. Taking Anna’s Advice from a few months ago I joined a 12 step group to find some “gentle healing” Currently I am emotionally dysregulated-- bad. I went to a new recovery group last night and sat near a lady who- after the meeting said some of the kindest and gentle words. I have her number and will use it. ❤️

[@dmerojas]

Anna nailed it! Trauma & dysregulation is like listening to loud metal music on your headphones and pretending like nothing is wrong.

[@gretchenwhitney9102]

Right!?! Perfect!

[@azdoglover7]

Yessss…

[@swirvn10]

I was forced to do things with an older girl at 5 years old by my older brothers and friends. I told my therapist yesterday and cried like I was 5 years old again. I sabotage my life. Thank you for creating amazing content, I will tune in because I want to build my life back and heal. So that I can be a better husband and father..

[@barrykulmom]

I already liked you, but hearing you talk to Anna shows me that you truly get it. You are amazing. I’m so glad that I found you.

[@AgendaInMind]

Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people by surprise, unexpectantly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death. While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the WW1, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes. Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way. It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. You do not “catch” disease from others. A lie told for 100 years never becomes the truth. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Yes, it's always confusing to me when people try to use science to deny what science demonstrates. If you don't believe it, just say that "I don't believe in science, I believe in my own feelings and my own thoughts and the anecdotes that I hear from others" but don't try to use science to explain that science isn't real. Use some other form of argument. (BTW- my friend is a respiratory therapist at the hospital here, he's the guy who puts people on ventilators. He's the guy calling their family. And he's the guy pulling the plug when they're no longer able to survive.)

[@anniedaniell9032]

I agree!!!

[@laurzee]

YES!

[@Syndarel]

Thank you for this. However, meanwhile, millions of people simply contacted a virus from mingling closely with others who were infected by the virus. Many of those who succumbed lacked strong immune systems which is typical of people who are aged, or already ill from another cause.

[@thatswhatshesaid6326]

Losing track of time is a big problem of mine. I’ve left my car running about a year ago when I went to meet my friends for dinner. Hours later we came out of the restaurant and we noticed I never shut off my car. They were laughing and I did as well, but I knew I was disregulated and had been for days if not weeks. It’s a scary thing when it happens to me.

[@sweetlaughter78]

I love her. I've been living with CPTSD for 43 years undiagnosed. Still not diagnosed, but I have a name for how I've been feeling all these years. I've been diagnosed with anxiety, MDD, I have fibromyalgia as well. After using her advice for the past month, 8m already starting to feel better!

[@patrickglennon6834]

What steps are you taking to heal??? Peace

[@vincognito7942]

I can relate with all this dysregulation thing too! I do not have a cptsd diagnosis. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and fibromyalgia when i was young and later with depression at times and anxious personality disorser. I of course lived some traumatic events like most people but nothing from childhood that i can remember. I believe its mostly learned behavior in my case. I totaly recreate my childhood and i totally have a dysregulated nervous system and emotional outbursts.

[@laurJess]

amazing, and thank you for sharing this. I am 43 now and pretty clear that I Have reached a new pinnacle of pain (after years of saying this), but there is a pivotal point now in that I have reached this age and see what a person who never managed their cptsd/trauma/life wounds ---my mother--what that looks like, and it is quite disheartening. part of my typical procrastination is still not doing Anna's program loll but I'm getting there!

[@ricksneed4171]

I am totally the guy that inside says. "I don't need you" and always pulling or pushing people away, CPTSD and Emotional Dysregulation is a new thing for me and I'm suddenly hopeful.

[@nccrchurchunusual7990]

It seems we spend a lifetime figuring out how to deal & heal past trauma. Hang in there.

[@Mimiggg]

Her story is so profound, it’s amazing the life that she’s created for herself despite everything she’s been through

[@PYT.123]

My story is almost identical. It really helped me to know that I'm not alone. She's my shero.

[@meekellassidddiq4608]

Wow.. hang in there.

[@princeofpersiagirl]

😲😲😳 I can't believe that the two channels I watch the most (when it comes to psychology and trauma) are collaboratiiiiing. For me, this is the most epic collaboration.

[@lenaparle1279]

I discovered both of you in the last few weeks and I was just like Anna (my middle name is Anna) when I heard the symptoms of CPTSD I was OH MY GOSH!! That is me. It explained so many of my strange, mean, unexplainable behaviors and it released a great weight of years of shame & guilt. My father was an alcoholic, drug addicted, incestuous compulsive liar. To find out my behaviors are perfectly actually NORMAL for what I’ve been through, is an epiphany I long ago gave up finding. I was so pleased to see the 2 of you together! I’m in therapy but you are both valuable resources that get me through the week. It’s very hard after so many years of toxic behaviors, but I’m clinging to the hope that I CAN change. Thank you! 💕💕💕

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@Eclectifying]

I felt the same way when I discovered there is something called C-PTSD!

[@laurenpaterson3475]

Good book get is running on empty very good therapy book

[@annklonl5207]

You can change, and you will change. One day you will feel surprised at how different the world acts towards you, only to be even more surprised to realize that that is caused by how you look at and deal with the world yourself. At least, this happened to me. There will still be low times but you will come out of it, and much faster than you used to. I wish you much strength as well as heaps of self-compassion to become your very best friend!

[@robinmccowin4243]

I use to say I felt like my nerve endings were on the outside of my skin I love this stuff

[@Eclectifying]

I can relate to that.

[@shannylester7656]

I’m so grateful I came across you! I am sitting here smoking a cig and meds bawling my eyes out! But in a good way! My life has been a whirlwind of chaos and I have never figured it out. I feel like a 46 year old flaw in the stitching of the universe and you speaking about your trauma is finally making something click in my brain. Thank you for sharing your life and healing process! 🥰🙏🏼

[@cydneymetz]

God makes no mistakes and that includes you. You are loved and supported by the universe and strangers like me. I’m 43 and going thru hell myself but we will make it thru this. Sending you love and light. Hang in there. You will get thru this

[@cakepudding3220]

I’ve been bawling my eyes out all day being passed around different mental health phone numbers and some didn’t even work even the Samaritans who didn’t answer the phone three times when I phoned them. I am alone (no family AT ALL and no “friends”. Times like today really highlight my real reality that I’m alone and when I need to talk to someone I don’t really have that. Like they said they can only “listen” not really give counselling and give me different numbers to call. I’ve been discharged from time 2 talk as the counsellors agree that i’ve got a lot of trauma to work on and they don’t have time only 6 sessions allowed and upto 2 years waiting list. I’m on benefits and living in temporary accommodation from the council and can’t afford proper therapy😭 UK mental health system os awful.

[@user-ii3kb8py1v]

I'm 50 and feel the same way. 😢

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@samme1024]

@@cakepudding3220 please try al-anon or another 12 step program. It can be a life saver for you. 💛

[@2bugsmama]

Thank you for this video! One thought that let's me know I'm disregulated is "everyone, just go away and leave me alone" and needing to hide or go as unnoticed as possible. I can go days and weeks like this then fall into depression and start all over again. The older I get the worse it is. I'm not wiser with age, I'm more miserable and feeling cursed that longevity runs in the family. Like a cruel joke from the universe. Tried therapy and getting NOWHERE. The cycle continues...

[@katella]

Me too. Ive wasted such a large part of my life lying immobile on my bed hoping the world would stop spinning just long enough for me to be to continue.

[@2bugsmama]

@ar-onefive7270 hugs to you! It does get very dark for me at times. The only thing that keeps me afloat is my responsibility to my kids and pets to be their provider. I've managed to see a faint glimmer of light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. It is just a glimmer and some days it disappears once again. Thank you for reaching out and I truly wish you the best that can be. You and I are not alone in the darkness.

[@fluffyfeathers.9541]

Me too. I feel the same as you. Wasted all my life feeling useless, unwanted and unlovable .

[@stacysorensen2463]

I love Anna Runkle!!! I’m so blessed to have found her!!! I thought I was crazy, manic, schizophrenic, ready to see if prescription drugs could help. Mental illness runs in my family…so, I began to assume. Somehow Anna popped into my life, on KZbin, and FINALLY, I could understand me. I’m not crazy, I have cptsd!!! I have dysregulation!!! Just knowing those two words have validated me in so many ways and now I know about triggers. I’m understanding the whole situation and I’m being able to begin working on healing. I saw you on Anna’s channel and now her on yours. Two powerhouse women!!! Thank you!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you Stacy! I'm so glad to know Emma too!

[@Eclectifying]

I am so glad you found the real problem! In 2013, I was so relieved and finally had some hope when I first became aware there was such a thing as CPTSD!

[@pooferson5991]

I thought I was crazy too.

[@mzshasta]

When Anna said "I don't need you, I don't need anybody". 😭 Exactly what I've said to avoid feeling the pain of needing someone but having no one.

[@yayahermosa8310]

Omg. I want to cry. This is something that I needed to hear. I swear I felt like why would I freeze up and can't feel my face or my fingers and just think angry and overprotective thoughts. This is very enlightening. Thank you ladies.

[@vernadavis8385]

Now I see the impulse to run away during conflict is deregulation,once I got in the car ran off the edge of road realized I couldn't think straight. Cptsd definitely has been in my life ,age 74 four marriages,my search in self help books.

[@altaerker5089]

I love this woman, she clearly mirrowed my behaviour and I thank her for her honesty and her committment to helping other CPTSD victims like myself. May God bless her and keep her strong ♥

[@user-js4sb4qq2h]

"Your nervous system has an inherent ability to heal. (Yeah!) Your nervous system has an inherent ability to reset. And if you listen to it, it will guide you to re-regulate yourself". " Yeah! It wants to reset, just like your skin wants to form a scab and heal over. You're designed to heal". (42:30)

[@sirprize5191]

A bunch of words with no actual applicable practical action is a toxic positivity scam

[@kathyduer7108]

Ladies so much love and respect to both of you. What a treat to have you together !!! It doesnt get any better than that 😊❤❤

[@SS-pw3pk]

I am so happy to have found Emma, and today I found Anna. I recently read The Body Keeps the Score- I'm a therapist and a trauma survivor and recovering 12 stepper. This all fits in so perfectly and informs my work and my life. I'm a forever follower and student of you both now- plus Brene. I honestly have been waiting for this my whole life- 60 + years. Thank you both for your help and all of my clients will be referring to videos from you both and I will be too- and the books you mentioned.

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@merrym7174]

"We're designed to heal ". TRUTH, right there.

[@KatWoodland]

Merry thanks for that.

[@jmsander91]

My two favorite ladies in one video!! You both have helped me so much on my healing journey. Thank you both! 💛

[@sarahswan8498]

Don't go shopping when you are dysregulated! That is one of my rules because I tend to buy too much and get sugar products!

[@bwendy2]

Oh wow, this was great. I about fell out of my chair when Anna mentioned saying " I have to do it all!" Disregulation talk! I didn't even know how disregulated I was until my boys became teens, and husband diagnosed with cancer. Hard to start at 57. Thank you both for all your work!

[@melaniemcafee1775]

Best part is at the end where the both of them start vibing about what really helps.

[@AA-lq5pu]

I listened to one video of hers and already felt a difference in my mental health.

[@elliemathews6884]

Anna is so down to earth and transparent. I learn so much from her honesty. I'm so sad that she went through so much as a child but that is exactly why I can learn from her. It's too hard for me to go to a therapist who has never been to that level of hell before.

[@Lulu-gg2zq]

Thank you for this. Sounds like the Crappy Childhood Fairy and I had almost identical childhoods. The only difference is that my brother died from a cocaine overdose. I’ve been scared to learn about CPTSD, but the Fairy made it emotionally safe for me to open this door and peer inside. Thank you for that. I love you, Emma and now I also love the Good Fairy. You’re saving us one conversation at a time. I hope you know you’re saving lives, transforming people and their relationship with themselves and, ultimately, making the world a much better place. Much gratitude to you both.,✨❤️✨

[@peepsicle]

Crapfit - I used to experience disassociation as a kid and young adult when I would get very stressed out and high anxiety. And it helped me survive. But later, as an adult, it made functioning at jobs very difficult when I’d be trying to have a conversation with a client and suddenly start floating outside of myself and watching the interaction from above. I had to learn how to do breathing techniques to stop these from happening because it was ruining my life and I never knew when it might happen

[@kayak9078]

Thank you, ladies. You’re definitely not alone. So many of us are right with you and understand. How I didn’t turn out to be an addict is amazing bc I was raised in turbulence. I went no contact with my mom in 2005. My dad finally came out of his 50 year alcoholic fog a year ago but he has the mentality of a 19 year old. Very emotionally stunted and codependent. I started feeling dysreg coming on so for the holidays my husband and I won’t eat and gather, we’re off to a hot springs where we’ll soak in warm water.

[@sukran96]

I have been depressed and suicidal most of my time on this earth. I thought I was horribly broken until I realized that everyone has trauma and some level of cptsd, I mean everyone. No one is immune from this fact. How can we be broken if everyone is broken? Maybe what normal is to clear up our fair share of worldwide trauma and this is “the normal”. I consider myself as a “human being in progress” since that brilliant realization.

[@jeneuweenlaf948]

I agree. Everyone has different levels of trauma. Only a matter of how much it affects their life. And two people who experience the same trauma, one is relatively unaffected, while the other falls apart; it all depends on their personality.

[@sukran96]

@@jeneuweenlaf948 true. 13:29. She made me realized that I wasn’t abnormal at all. My whole personality is the normal reaction to an abnormal set of circumstances and the only thing I should do is to change the personality traits no longer serve me at my current circumstances.

[@kimberlyjennings618]

Saying a prayer for you in the name of Jesus💖 so glad you’re still on earth and working toward healing.

[@user-qz3nm9lf7c]

Thank you. It was something i needed to hear- We're not alone. We're not alliens. We're humans, human beings.

[@kathykonkle1097]

Wow. My two favorite humans in one video. I found you both separately. Thank you both. I have PSTD from being misdiagnosed and tortured by so-called mental health professionals. I'm so relieved I can watch your videos and do your workshops without fear of intervention by the horrid, ignorant and evil NYC psychiatrists. because they traumatized me I can't talk to psychologists either.

[@roseanneconner4494]

My 2 favorite therapists!!!! As a counseling resident, you are both an inspiration and enormous learning resource for me. God bless you and your work!💕

[@jessedphillips]

I love this conversation. Such down to Earth, kind women.

[@HummingbirdEighty8]

I've always called my dysregulation "going away". I freeze. There were times when I would just sit in a chair for many hours after being triggered. I thought I must really be different from everyone else in the whole world! Now I am learning, and healing, so much! Ladies, thank you for bringing CPTSD issues to all who want to start to learn, and heal.🕊

[@shifatnaila5766]

I call it my ‘zombie mode’.

[@susiehernandez6652]

I think dysregulation can be fight or flight or both even. I experience it after an overly intense verbal argument. Afterwards, I have to being myself aka my mind back into my body. I beleive that's what is meant by I'm out of my body. Really, dysregulation is mind and body that are out of sync. Ones mind isnt meant to be in fight or flight mode over seemingly small things but its our cPTSD (those that have it) that is making a small thing feel like a big thing.

[@mariecait]

Wow my story is a lot like Anna’s. My mom didn’t abuse alcohol but she was neglectful emotionally. My dad drank and my mom left him. I have a sister with heroin addiction and have been jumped before. I would go to AA for support sometimes. I never worked the steps. It’s strange how much I have in common with Anna. I also have very very strange taste in men. I’m so happy she turned her life around, I’m currently on disability 😢

[@sheilasmith1109]

When I was triggered and didn’t know what this meant, I would go into a hyper vigilant state and feel like I am HEMORRHAGING my pain all over people by telling them the horrors I had survived through! I needed to learn what had happened to my brain to understand how the abuse and trauma I had experienced as a child by my mother had made me vulnerable to rotten people just like her! It’s so valuable and helpful to learn your own path to healing! Both of you are most excellent at helping people UNDERSTAND and on their own pathways to healing! It’s wonderful help and can be life saving!

[@kimberlyjennings618]

Praying for your healing 💖

[@katja6332]

This happened to me, I was highly functional until age 40, then my life fell apart because of severe second trauma. Thanks for sharing your story. Now everything makes so much sense. Because suddenly I felt like I didn't had to deal with what was happening right now but all the old stuff was there again. And I couldn't understand what happened to me. Because I dealt with the childhood trauma in my early twenties... It took me a while to get therapy again and it's incredibly helpful. I am depressed for the first time in my life. Before I didn't felt like I was too damaged to live, I knew I was traumatized but I had that hope that I just had to be strong and continue and do whatever works and the future holds a good deal of happiness for me. But this second trauma was spiraling me down I didn't know before existed. After that second severe trauma, I developed precancerous stages three times in different organs and finally went through chemo etc. Maybe because of the stress. I don't know. And then for the first time, I was in a trauma bonded relationship with a vulnerable narcissist and leaving it was so hard. And when I finally found a place in therapy, I asked my therapist "what's wrong with me? Why couldn't I leave this toxic relationship? I can see how crazy I behaved and he behaved, what's wrong with me..".

[@yusahara]

I really like the idea of seeing my coping mechanisms as a child as my bodys way of protecting me. Like everytime I "left the room," I was just protecting myself. And it feels like now I can just cry and relax and forgive myself. Edit: The bathroom is also my safe space lmao

[@iw9338]

I have found that skipping and singing is a great way to release anxious energy. And bouncing on my mini trampoline.👍🙂💜 Yes, giving yourself a hug.

[@lisajohnson6351]

Thanks for mentioning that…I used to be such a physical person and was much happier but have just stopped doing that and I think I’ve gone to numbing myself out instead.

[@adimeter]

Ann Runkle, you are such a lovely lovable person. I'm happy for you and your recovery. Thank you for sharing your story. Thanks for helping the rest of us.

[@rael6621]

I just spent the last 39 in a traumatized brain. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

[@rael6621]

I was functioning from a very dysregulated place, I was processing language and people all wrong. I am surprised how people were actually viewing me. It all came together for me in a day about 12 days ago. It is like I am in a whole new world.

[@rael6621]

when you mentioned writing down the signs that you are becoming dysregulated. I didn't know that wasn't "me". I thought that was my spunky personality, I was unique, and stronger, and I thought I was fighting for what was right, and I thought that was how "i was just normally" I think figuring out a way to show people ways to put a spotlight on knee jerk reactions that are hiding who the real person is. idk. I am new at this but once I noticed, it literally changed my whole brain and nervous system.

[@aban2169]

Re hugs: If you don't have a hugger available, lying in a hammock that wraps around you (i.e not the ones with a spreader bar, but rather the Brazilian/Colombian type) feels like a hug too, and the pressure against the material feels like a man putting his arm around you and giving you a squeeze. Plus the rocking motion is soothing and activates the body's rest/repair systems. Love me some Hammock Time :-)

[@maeelizabeth9184]

Thank you for the suggestion

[@lindastokes3350]

This helped me so much. I was so bullied as a child and young adult. I've worked through a lot, but I was so full of fear . I am very strange. I couldn't do therapy, because I thought a very strong different personality overtook me. I couldn't tell the truth about me. Now I know why. Thankyou both for all you do

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@leicia1994]

Holy crap. My heart hurt for all your trauma and hurt and sadness and fear. The tears started flowing quickly as I can relate with many of the things you shared , coming from an alcoholic family too. Feeling so alone and disconnected from everyone I believe is the cause if my anxiety and depression. Not feeling safe or confident enough to just be ME. It’s very difficult for me to open up to people and even harder to maintain relationships. I related to being very self centered and angry and resentful and how that turns into self sabotaging behavior. My sister was effected much more than I was in our family from violence, neglect, sexual abuse, poverty, etc. She is very lonely and isolated and has pushed everyone away. I wish both of healing. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

[@kathryncoker8642]

Didn’t know there were defining terms for behaviors, feelings and self loathing I’ve been coping with for 58 years that no one understood. Thank you for sharing.

[@jjp_artworks]

I love her accurate description of my mutual C-PTSD of having headphones on...I feel like there was a bit of a loss of realistic peripheral view as well in my experiences with being disregulated, similar to her explaining of hair in your face. I had 3 years of DBT, and am in my 3rd month of EMDR/CBT. I finally feel efficient as well as more than just worthy at 40 years old...stark difference between now and tge first 30 years of my life. I had many of the same afflictions she describes, and am working on residual symptoms most days. I thoroughly enjoy your videos as a refresher, but this was really validating in its similarity to experience. Thank you both.

[@kikimugi2717]

The right to belong is the center of trauma. It takes time but healing does begin at that point because now for the first time ever, there is a new floor of reality...the right to exist.

[@annijohnson6210]

Yes! I totally get that healing tipping point. Choice. At some point I got to the point where I realized it’s now my choice to be in the world. It no longer mattered that I felt other people were making me feel I didn’t have a right to be here. I feel I have a right to be here. But it took a long time to realize - even after years of therapy, that I still felt, buried deep inside me, I didn’t belong on earth. It was like a revelation. I work on belonging - to myself, through a personalized meditation that I designed for myself in therapy. Thanks for your bravery! 💕🙏

[@ginagina9592]

I used to have the shivers and get freezing when I would talk about anything that happened to me at 17… I lived through my 20s and 30s in relationships where I wasn’t valued. This gives me hope that I can be “normal” and stop overthinking everything.

[@tmeyer2022]

Within the past week, I had a "Fight or Flight" event (discussion) where I started to verbally "Fight" and then chose "Flight" when I realized what I had going on within me. I left in a big hurry. With your interview/discussion, I now see that I was already entering in a state of dysregulation when the "Fight or Flight" event (discussion) occurred. Thank you.

[@anitadodd]

This story sounds so famliar! I had a crappy childhood and was really functional until about 10 years ago when a traumatic experience happened during my adult life. I have been dealing with it completely wrong for the last 10 years, but so thankful I found your youtube channel! Thank you!

[@MichelleFlanaganArtist]

🙏🏼🙌✊️

[@karendonovan8271]

Anna, the podcasts you produce are incredibly helpful. After ivestig20 years in therapy with every type of licensed professional I can’t thank you enough for sharing your experience, understanding and journey! No one ever gave me this information. They just listened. That helped me open up to my realities but it left me constantly searching for understanding. It was so difficult to connect the dots. I listen to you and it all comes together. I journal when triggered to look for the root. Then I have something to work with. The dots all come into my awareness and I find understanding and I connect with my emotions. Honor them and give myself the love I need to go forward. Then when all the pain and hurt I endured is honored I’m moving beyond survivalito trivia alittle bit more! We cat heal what we can’t see or embrace. Yes,it is hard work but worth all the investment of learning how to love that inner child that survived so much! I’m blessed by your gift! Thank you for enlightening me! My light is growing day by day.

[@ShearedJoy]

In my early 20s it became obvious my coping skills were no longer socially appropriate. What an awful feeling, scrambling to figure out how to act like a normal person in that new life stage.

[@kimnotkardashian]

I’m currently struggling with what I’m 99.99% sure is psychosomatic pain- achy, it hurts to take deep breaths, my neck is too stiff to fully move, I got an infection in my foot and a neuroma as well which is like a swollen pain in my infected foot. But I finally told my primary care physician so she understands better where I’m coming from and I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and I’m journaling my ideal future in first person and it’s helping. Your channels are amazing resources for us, thank you.

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@ranmanfl5597]

anna runkle is so good at describing the symptoms of this syndrome. thank you both so much

[@victoriarosario3338]

42:52 You're designed to heal...that gives me hope. Thanks Ladies❤

[@lsisak7651]

I like how your a real person Emma. Your the most down to earth, real person who is not trying to put on a show or fake a glamorous lifestyle that I've seen on KZbin. You authenticity is refreshing in a world of fakes. 👍

[@shweetiepetina1563]

My Super Heros , united. You have no idea the amount of help you both have been. A trillion thank yous going out to two incredible ladies.

[@amy5133]

Anna communicates in the most practical & accessible way. Thank you!

[@anncostello5894]

Love that you nailed why you focused on CPSD, SO many doctors and mental health professionals don't get or understand roots of trauma and disregulation often diagnose most patients with depression,

[@vickilynn9514]

There is a good and innocent person underneath. So true. Our self esteem is shattered and this leads us to have a felt sense of our own "badness".

[@autonomydepthconsciousness7633]

It was nice to hear Anna's story...it sounds like a very difficult childhood. I see why she's an expert in crappy childhoods. It's quite inspiring where she is in her life right now.

[@Lola-mt1ne]

Writing, slowing down, identifying what's going on with myself: that works for me. The hand washing technique is fab also. Good info and interview format. Thanks.

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

🤦🏾‍♀️ Hand on head like wow, so this is what’s really going on with me. I’m blown away. I’ve done a lot of therapy over the years and after watching this video despite all of the therapy something just totally clicked. Like a light switch in my mind. With this information I’ve gained a degree of understanding that I will begin learning more on and implementing. Thank you ladies for sharing so much value ❤️

[@talyabasche4146]

rest is the number one thing that helps me re-regulate and just daily self care when possible. thank you so much for this video

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

yes :)

[@mariecarie1]

One of the things I’ve been learning from this channel is how even perceived “bad” emotions are actually good. As someone who suffers from near constant anxiety, I always viewed it as a bad thing because it hurts, right? It interferes with my life and what I want to do and makes me agoraphobic, so it’s bad. But it isn’t-not inherently! Is it uncomfortable? YES. Is it inherently bad? No-it’s functional. It’s a typical response to atypical events. It’s perfectly normal to be feeling what I feel, and it’s also perfectly okay to feel that way. I mean, talk about rocking my world. Wow. It’s game-changing to accept and validate your feelings, and then LET THEM BE THERE because it’s okay that they’re there. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be scared. Instead of stuffing those down and “dealing” by ignoring, letting yourself sit there and just feel it does wonders. It’s not always a quick fix to feel better, but it can be a quick fix to help you think better even while feeling disregulated. Even if that thought is, “I’m disregulated. Here I am. Let’s sit and ride this out. Come at me, emotions. You can’t physically hurt me.”

[@Quinny33]

The pair of you are absolutely amazing.Godsends.I really enjoy Patrick Teahan also...

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

yeah he does a great job too

[@laurzee]

A quick temperature reregulation thing I have done is to use my hair dryer on low and blow it in my face...it helps me refocus and ground myself. I am careful not to burn myself. Oh, and I love that you mentioned Temple Grandin! She is incredible!!

[@jayb2175]

i actually nearly started to cry at the end of this video thank you so much, im 33years old with alot of childhood trauma and im constantly feeling in fight and flight i can say iv honestly never felt relaxed in my life and never knew how to and reading a book is nearly impossible for me. This video has opened my eyes so much and gave me sometype of belief that i can heal and get better thank you so much :-)

[@monicacampbell7291]

I’ve been where you are. Always feeling on guard and could never relax. A few months of journaling and allowing myself to feel again helped me to heal.

[@lisbethbird8268]

You'll be fine just keep on with open eyes. You are very young. Keep your wits about you cuz it's a weird world lately.

[@lisajohnson6351]

❤️

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/npbEmZKEmNaqptU

[@mariasavelieva4713]

Girls, U Rock! thank u so much 4 ur work. Right now I am in Kiev, under attack from Russia, and u guys reminded me how to get my s**t together and stay present. Thank you! Please, pray for us. ❤

[@caroletrapp3226]

Finally a name and description of what I feel and what I have always felt. Dysregulation. 😳. CPTSD 😮

[@cathychase663]

My dog....is my "weighted blanket" and soothes me but I never knew why

[@evaphillips2102]

It’s really interesting. Mine is my three year old.

[@2listening1]

I think you’re both great and contribute so much to knowledge. I’m so sorry about the random street violence just adding to everything. 🕯💛🙏

[@gabrielaproske3429]

Thank you both. I am 55 years old AND my life makes now sense. Warm regards Gabriela

[@PromisedJubilee]

Wow. Wow wow wow. This was so helpful, in a self-knowledge sort of way. I have PTSD, and I spend like, a good 70% of my waking life disregulated. I have known something was wrong, but not WHAT, I had no words to describe what I'm experiencing. Thank you so so much for sharing.

[@mirelladlima5278]

Emotional disregulation is not as well known or understood as say the concept of "depression" . Anna explained it beautifully and her powerful testimony will help other people identify with it and find the help they need. Needless to say anyone who grew up in an environment of alcoholism experienced and may still be having varying degrees of emotional disregulation. This will give them the awareness similar to what Anna had and find out what's and means to work on it towards healing and recovery 🤗🙏

[@jsr1119]

Thank you for bringing this to light. Definitely saw so much of me in this - scary. I've never been one for putting a "label"on it but now that it has, it brings comfort to me to know I'm not the only one. Still working on my crap!

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Glad it was helpful!

[@elainesmith5313]

My name is Elaine....I too grew up in alcoholism. Attended Alanon for 20 years. This helped me tremendously. So glad to hear your added information. There are still times I have a problem regulating, but you have helped me. Suffering from PTSD is so paralizing. My husband also grew up in a home with alcoholism and violence. He got help. I believe the stress of a life time of stuffing cause his cancer. He died in Janurary. So sad!! I urge people to always get help. Thank you and Bless you for your honesty!!

[@mrharrison4948]

Sending you lots of love 😊

[@JayWalking_360]

I hate the fact that it took this long to find out what the $%#@ was it that kept me messing up my happiness and well being and overall stability ( relationships, friendships, work)..lost it all.. now at 40.. starting from scratch.. guess i'm happy that now i know better.. already "scaped" drinking and smoking ...thank you both 🙏

[@Eclectifying]

I feel the same way. I’m nearing 50 and my life was ruined because of my CPTSD (which I had only just discovered and named at that point) and the reactions of the people around me. Now I’m just trying to find a reason to go on at this point. Life is torture most of the time.

[@cydneymetz]

You are so kind and have a pure soul. Thank you for reminding me that people do care

[@irenesanders6186]

You're definitely helping me. I have tried for years to figure out why "I'm different " Now I can achieve the best in life because I can fix the disregulation.

[@sirprize5191]

How is the fixing part? This is 95% life story and common sense, I can't find the actual practice

[@lizmerritt2148]

Wow thank you! I am guardian of a grandchild with PTSD and ADHD. So many great ideas to help regulation. Now have to go follow Anna.

[@tsreiki]

Yes we are designed to heal. It took me til I was in my mid 30's in a sexual assault survivors group and someone asked me what I needed as a child that I didnt get, and then they went quiet and gave me time to feel for the answer and I realised it was Time and Space and I knew that being allowed the time and space I needed, I could start to heal, and I did. Thank you for the interview, loved it ❤

[@biondna7984]

Oh yes I relate to so much of this. I was sole-caregiver to my beloved (second) husband who died of Alzheimer's four months ago. He also grew up in an alcoholic family. We both got free of alcohol, but it was too late for him. I'm working as hard as I know how to heal.Thank you for telling your story, Anna.

[@Eclectifying]

I am sorry for your loss. ❤️

[@diamondsngunns88]

Sending you so much love 💜💜💜

[@schahrzadmorgan]

I loved seeing you both together! Such a fabulous interview.