Insomnia insight

In this episode we learn about the process of leaving insomnia by studying the 1983 classic War games. We see that although it can seem like things "work", it is always the same thing that leads to peaceful sleep - abandonment.
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Are you thinking of a new career helping the world sleep better? Would you like to pay forward by helping those still struggling? Are you looking for a coaching niche with few knowledgeable coaches and a vast unmet need?
If the answer is yes, then check out our sleep coach certification program! Next batch starts January 15. 4 slots available.
www.thesleepco...
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Would you like a roadmap from Insomnia to immunity? Download using below link.
www.thesleepco...
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Have a question for open class?
Please submit here and I will try to respond soon in an Open class episode.
www.thesleepco...
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Would you like to work with a sleep coach? Awesome! Here are some great options:
- The Insomnia Immunity Group Coaching Program.
- BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android offering 1:1 text based coaching.
- Zoom based 1:1 coaching with Coach Michelle.
The Insomnia Immunity program is perfect if you like learning through video and want to join a group on your journey towards sleeping well.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
The 1:1 Zoom based program is for you if you like to connect one on one with someone who has been where you are now.
For more about these programs here: www.thesleepcoachschool.com
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Do you like learning by reading? If so, here are two books that offer breakthroughs!
Set it & Forget it by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com...
This is Natto by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com...
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Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
Speed bumps - when you think you had a setback or “relapse.”
• Talking insomnia #55: ...
The self coaching model
• The model
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.

[@Bruhntosaur]

I can't thank you enough Daniel. I thought I was going to end up in an asylum because I was getting so little sleep. Your book helped me shake my insomnia and I'm sleeping as I used too. Best 25ish dollars I've ever spent. You're the man.

[@jazk3409]

Hello mate... I’m in the struggle of insomnia at the moment had it for about 3years. I am implementing cbti techniques learned from Martin reed and Daniel. Slow progress at the moment it has been a tuff 9weeks so far improvement is slow only spending about 5.5 hours in bed at night but I’m not gonna give up, I know consistency is key. What elements of the book helped you the most? Mate.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Ashton, this made me so very glad to read today 😁!! Thanks so much for letting me know and you know, well done learning and being your own coach 👍! Be well and stay in touch now!

[@Bruhntosaur]

@@jazk3409 Sorry man. I know how rough it can be. My insomnia was strongly related to my anxiety so the aspect of learning to be ok with not sleeping was a big factor. That coupled with only using my bed for sleep and going to bed at regular times. It might be different for you if you have an underlying condition that isn't anxiety related.

[@totoroblue]

Your point #2 (about speed bump and abandonment) confirm how I feel about speed bump Daniel. Most people would naturally want to get over the speed bump as soon as possible. When the speed bump is behind, we feel like yes, we conquered it! My sleep is back on track! But the truth is each speed bump is a practice for us to face the fear of being awake (at night) and to kind of be really familiar/friendly with that experience. The more speed bumps happen, the more experience you accumulate, your brain knows “yeah, I’ve been through this before, it is not that bad.” I am still in the process of letting go. I think it will come to me eventually.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So well said, and you know I’m so glad to read this because this was what I felt the point I really wanted to make. And Novie, with this clarity and mindset, you’ll see things become more and more peaceful for sure

[@saniyawarwaruk9746]

SO, so fitting. Nailed it again Daniel, this perfectly describes the process! I kept thinking I would find the thing that would help me (watching TV, staying in bed, thinking pleasant thoughts etc.), only to have another speed bump knock me back down. As you said though, doing this IS a part of the journey so that you can realize that not playing is the answer.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Saniya! So glad you liked this; and yup, you’re highlighting what I think is so true here. Nothing more to add! Be well and talk soon!

[@saniyawarwaruk9746]

Hi@@Freydis_MAximus, its really difficult to pin down an end date. "Playing" more so decreases gradually rather than abruptly stopping - at least in my situation. I'd feel like I had figured out that there was nothing left to do and be doing really well for a period of time. Then I would hit a speed bump and find myself reengaging with anxiety fueling thoughts briefly, as is our nature. The good news is you smarten up and learn with every speed bump to come back to neutrality faster. It's natural to be afraid when something like this happens to you because it is so out of your control. Eventually I stopped caring and thinking about sleep. It was just a thing that either happened or didn't but would not impact my day. I had a routine for sleep and I had a routine for if I didn't sleep (move to the couch, watch a movie) and there was no more thought that went into it. Hope you are well.

[@TrevorStoneaker]

Great example there Daniel, I have to keep coming back hear to remind myself to abandon the struggle. Other than tonight, with a big exam coming up tomorrow, I have been relatively struggle free. Thanks again and keep doing what you do.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Jake! Thanks much and so glad to read this. Good luck, let us know how the exam goes!

[@TrevorStoneaker]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Went very well thanks, didn’t sleep much before hand but that is no longer an issue to me now, thanks for asking.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Glad it did Jake, and to read this comment!

[@lisakember567]

What a great video, Daniel. In a way, I feel glad I am now looking at the speedbump content because it shows me that I am going to come out the other side eventually. I've experienced some nights of not perfect, but peaceful and refreshing sleep. I had surrendered to it all, it was falling into place but then I started to wonder how long it would last and life got a bit stressful and then hyperarousal started creeping back in and the past two nights have been really tricky with waking up in the early hours with my heart racing and being unable to get back to sleep. This has given me the boost I needed today to feel more empowered. Thank you!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad you found this content at the right time 😊 Thanks for sharing and for the support!

[@laceyjayfiedler]

This is informative. I have been struggling for two weeks now and it’s so frustrating. Two nights ago I had a great sleep because I laid in bed and let the anxiety come and let my mind wander telling my brain we are safe. So the best night I did the same thing and I barely slept!!!! Are you able to do an episode on performance anxiety. I struggle with this. I feel if I don’t sleep I’ll die or I can’t function or I’ll get fired or I’m a failure and the thoughts just keep coming I feel I have always been in control my whole life and with this you just can’t control and it’s what is causing so much anxiety Love your Chanel I just found it!!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Daxton! You know what, I think you can find sooo much here that can help in life in general, so glad you found this channel 😊 I have added performance anxiety to the list! And you know what I think applies so much here is teaching on magical moments. - A magical moment is when you experience how sleeping better, like a rabbit out of the hat, comes from nothing! It can be really surprising, especially if you’ve been trying hard to sleep (and perhaps thought that sometimes that worked!) to see that sleep comes from nothing. It happens when there’s no effort and when we are ok with being awake. This last part can sound a little odd, but it’s really that way. If we aren’t willing at all to be awake, then we are trying to sleep, and sleep becomes a struggle. When we are ok with being awake, then we aren’t going to be trying to sleep, and sleep happens without struggle. So a magical moment is so helpful because it truly shows us that sleep happens all by itself and the magic is inside you! When you have a magical moment, there’s often a temptation to figure out why it happened and do it again. To recreate the magic if you will. But when you do, you’re trying to make sleep happen, and then you’ll have some trouble! This is of course much easier said than done. In a way it’s almost impossible for the brain not to go “how did this happen, I need to figure the trick out!”, it automatically will probably try. But it’s just very good to be aware because it makes the journey smoother. You can now go “aha brain, I see you’re trying to figure it out, and that’s because you love me, but sleep actually happens when we aren’t trying to figure it out.” So just fully take advantage of seeing that magic literally comes out of nowhere. It was not something you did, but the absence of effort that made it happen! This sets you on a very nice path of trying less and less and experiencing more and more magic!

[@hugotielen]

Brilliant video.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hugo! Thanks much 😊

[@gabortomanek3180]

Amazing video man, thank you :) What i cant really understand is that even though i am lying in bed, feeling tired , no rushing thoughts, no anxiety, etc. but i still cant drift off to sleep ... Like what the hell is happening?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Gabor! Thanks so much!! And you know, this is actually very common and normal. We call it the wonder wall. - It can often seem odd that you don’t sleep even though you’re not anxious. Of course it does because if anxiety was the reason you had trouble sleeping, then when it fades you should sleep right? Here’s the thing, anything that makes us hyperaroused can keep sleep from happening. Imagine a kid before Christmas for example. They’re excited, not anxious. You know what else can create hyperarousal? Curiousity! Or puzzlement, being bewildered. So when you’re thinking “I’m not anxious so why am I not sleeping?” the answer is right there. It’s now the curiosity that’s keeping you awake! A natural next question becomes, so how do I become less curious? Guess what, you probably already have. Because when you understand something, there’s no mystery and less for the brain to figure out. But the best of all is that you’re less anxious. That may not seem like a big step right now because you slept little, but it is. As the anxiety fades and you’re no longer puzzled, sleep will come to you!

[@stevensoutar2073]

Great insight Daniel!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Steven! So glad you liked this 😁

[@Fanteasy]

The amount of useful insights you put out and how you respond to all the comments is absolutely incredible. Can you make an episode on what drives you? Because it's like you are possessed. Typically it happens when you went through the struggles yourself, afaik this is not the case with you. You are a true inspiration of a human being, thank you for everything that you do. I found your channel back in August and had session with Alina in the beginning of September and was able to get off the medications and get back to normal sleep. But after sleeping normally for over a month, I've been through several speed bumps. In the middle of one right now, wondering if I'm going to sleep this night. And yes, that feeling of "oh no, not again" is the absolute worst feeling. But when you look back at how it started, you realize how far you've come, at least I no longer experience ideations and don't try every single medication that is out there. You at least know that eventually the sleep driving is going to overpower your anxiety and that reduces it.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Evgeny, yes I will! I wrote it down on my to do list, and this will be really fun to talk about. And you know, I think it is simply that when you feel you know something that can really help other people, you feel almost an obligation to share it. I’m so very glad to hear that the content here has been helpful to you :-) I’m also happy to hear that you connected with Alina, she’s amazing! Reading this comment, it’s so clear to me that you are on a very nice path and things will get easier and easier.. and you know it is true that sleep always happens, just like breathing. We can hold our breath for two or maybe even three minutes, but we cannot hold our breath to a point where I could be harmful. It’s the same with sleeping. We can be scared and not sleep for quite some time, but not to the point where it would be harmful, and by the way it’s not even certain that not sleeping can be harmful. This said, sleeping well really doesn’t come from sleep drive, but from absence of effort. And sort of waiting for sleep drive to conquer anxiety.. this can be a thought that leads to some struggle. I think when we go that peaceful and kind way, when we see there’s really no opponent to overcome, only some confusion to clear.. then I think you’ll see things get easier 😊

[@GarryWilliams555]

I really hope I can get through this soon. Thanks for all that you do.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Gary, you’ll be where you want to be when you’re willing to learn and find a little courage within. Thanks for being here and let us know how things go.

[@GarryWilliams555]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 yeah I'm hoping to turn a corner soon. I really appreciate the content you post.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Anytime so glad you’re here. And you know.. this is so tricky but, it’s another paradox of which there are so many in the sleep world: when we want to see change quickly there’s some performance anxiety and pressure and it takes a bit, when we are ok with it taking some time, it happens sooner. Just being aware of this alone can help much!

[@GarryWilliams555]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you.

[@GarryWilliams555]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Well I got almost 8 hours sleep last night so that's hugely good news :)

[@danielkosa3130]

Dear Daniel, i am on the fearless method (some weeks ago already wrote about it, in the comment section) still. Because here is no other way. As i see now : truly conquire (overcome) the insomnia is the attitude: "i dont care if i sleep or not, i will be fine with it as it is. and pay no attention, because doesnt care the quality of the sleep. I see i not die if nights are unfruitfull (of sleep) and once sleep just happens. Since i m in the fearless method, the pressure of sleepefforts are vanishes more or less. But on the otherhand 3 - 4 - 5 hours is the maximum in sleep. During this "fearless month" there were maybe 1 or 2 morning when i felt refreshed. But it s clear that there is no other way "ahead" (not a good word for it) i go on this track, without overthinking anything. Just recognize, it is a day with bit less freshness. And one day it is all past. Not die, not dramatize. Am i right? Thank you!!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Daniel! Yes I think it is true that the opposite, doing things to be safe, the “fearful way” wouldn’t be helpful so yes, the opposite helps. This said, anything we do with a goal attached is tricky. For example if we say “I’ve done this for x months and I still” then we can see that it was a goal oriented activity. And often the reason you’re having shorter sleep than you’d like is because you “keep going”, keep trying, keep pushing ahead… so you know everything really is about letting go at the end of the day, and this fearless way can help us let go.

[@danielkosa3130]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 yes yes dear Daniel! , today your friend Neil highlited very good that:if we dont care abt this imsomnia stuff, things coordinate themself because it is so natural. So even 1000 nights seems to rubish :) we have great mercy (thankfull for it) and still alive and.......the balloon of insomnia is vanish in the illusory dimension. :) thank you dear Daniel

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Haha so glad reading this 😁! Neil has a way of saying it so well!!

[@danielkosa3130]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you Daniel! Your channel is an unique, uplifting help for everyone! It is a kind of gift, talent for you from above to encourage lost hopes in this age. Thank you!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

This means the world to read 😊 thanks so much!!

[@shreyashpradhan2495]

Very helpful deep insight

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

So glad it made sense 😊

[@libbyhowell172]

Daniel, your channel and book have been so very helpful! I do have an interesting question and would love your insight. At night, I lay in my bed and read your book and also listen to Guy Meadow's app. I can fall asleep almost instantly when I do this. I have one lamp on, and my sound machine on. However, if I were to get into bed and turn off the lights and try to sleep, I wouldn't end up falling asleep! What does that mean? Thank you!

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Libby! I’m so very glad you’ve found value in the book and the channel 😊! And you know, things can often seem confusing but… really nothing strange or unusual here! Before we look at this phenomenon, a few words on effort. You know when you’re starting your path to leaving the struggle, learning is foundational! This said, if we listen to Guy Meadows or read my book at night.. or have a sound machine on…we can just ask ourselves without any judgement but with honesty - am I at some level hoping this will make me sleep? And you know if we see that this is the case - that’s great! Because then we have seen this intent to control sleep, and when we see this, then we automatically have less effort. When we go “aha! I’m trying to use an app/book/sound machine to produce sleep, and this is a sleep effort, and sleep efforts are a big reason we have trouble sleeping” then right in that moment there’s no secret intent. And when a secret is revealed, it exists no more. It’s the same wirh efforts. Awareness neutralizes effort. Ok now let’s look at the question! How can a light make you sleep and turning it off keep you awake? The answer we find in understanding delegation. - The light really “works” by delegation. The fundamental truth with sleep is that the more we try the less we sleep. When we have a light on and think “good, I don’t have to do anything about my sleep, it’s taken care of” then we are no longer trying to sleep. We delegated the task! The light doesn’t do anything, but the delegation leads to absence of effort! Now when the light is off, then the thought becomes “what if I don’t sleep” which leads to monitoring and trying to sleep and some trouble sleeping. And you know, often just understanding and demystifying is what helps 👍

[@kadirkale686]

So much wisdom in this clip, amazing analogy that you came to rememeber it and the movie behind! A simple sentence that explains so much coach. Should you recommend it to also other forms of anxiety, be it in job, relationships,..where performance is always needed and we tend to judge ourselves when we fail to perform on the level that we have set in our mind..? Cheers and thanks again.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Wasn’t that line from the computer amazing?! And so much we can learn from popular fiction that makes learning more fun. Yes, I totally believe this, whenever we are meeting things we cannot control - our emotions, other people’s opinions, how well we did something… seeing that we can abandon the “game” of trying to fight our emotions, change other people’s ideas, of blaming ourselves… yes totally believe this is a way to a more peaceful life 😊

[@cloudstrife5487]

Was on my third speed bump and this video gave me the Eureka moment. Since day 1 of insomnia, i was playing the game all along....the answer was actually : stop playing this mental game. Perhaps thats what each speed bump bring the answer closer.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Yes 😊! When we no longer play the game… there is no game, there is no struggle. 100% believe this is the way

[@tomg.8935]

Daniel, so if I am understanding correctly, you need speed bumps, because it is how you react to those speed bumps over time that leads to abandonment of the struggle? So your first speed bump is miserable, you feel helpless out of control, panicked, uninformed. Then by speed bump number 45, you are slightly more accepting of a bad night, you know a little more, you know you can't control it, and that makes the speed bump easier to handle. Then by speed bump 75 (or whatever the number), you finally soak it all in and surrender. Just wanted to make sure I interpreted that as you saw it. I think another barrier, probably for many of us is time. As a group of overthinking/perfectionist/highly critical types, the immediate follow-on question I had was, "Ok, this process makes sense, but I have been at this for 6 months (the process of knowledge and learning). Shouldn't I be done by now? And why do my speed bumps seem more frequent actually in recent weeks? I just have no concept of time as it relates to this process you described, could it be 2 more years before it finally sinks in? Thanks for another good video. Tom

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Tom, yes! This is very true imho. The one thing I would add to this is that how painful the speed bump is doesn’t necessarily have to do with which number it is, but how strongly there was a sense that “I figured it out!”. The more we thing we figured it out and we have the trick… the more painful the realization that it’s the absence of effort that the trick led to, not the trick, that helped will be. But yes, it’s just a learning process. And you’re so spot when it comes to time. It’s exactly like you say. And this is another paradox, the more we want to speed things up the longer it takes and the more ok we are with uncertainty the sooner we see things get easier. But I want to share on thing here - You have so much insights, and I can tell just by reading this comment from you Tom that you will do really well. And I will add one more thing which is a little bit of an expansion of the above. - We humans have become pretty good at predicting the weather, but we still can’t predict the stock market. Why is this? In both instances we use very very sophisticated tools like data models and super computers. Here’s the thing, whether you predict that it’s gonna rain or not doesn’t change whether it’s gonna rain or not. Predicting has absolutely no impact on the weather. But when people try to predict the stock market something very different happens. When people predict that all the prices are going to go low then people start buying and then they go high. The same thing happens with sleep. Predicting how you’re going to sleep causes these sometimes wild and unpredictable effects. If you predict that you’re going to sleep well then they can either make you calm so that it does happen, OR it makes you pay more attention to sleep and then you sleep less! If you predict that you won’t sleep that can make you frustrated so that you sleep little, OR you feel less pressured to sleep and sleep more. As you can see, forecasting sleep creates a very unpredictable pattern so hard as it is, the best to do is trying not to predict. Because when you’re not trying predict, then sleep comes easier and becomes (paradoxically!) more predictable.

[@jojoalcaraz5048]

this is so confusing daniel but makes so much sense! trying to even positively think your way out of insomnia is still feeding the fact that there’s a problem = struggle makes sense , total sense. but then my question is when i learned befriending wakefulness, hypnic jerks aren’t dangerous. all that was to get me to the process of abondoning the efforts? makes sense or am i wrong 😂

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

You’re describing the paradoxical teachings so well! Confusing but makes sense… this space is full of paradoxes, but once you see them, it gets clearer. And you know, you see things so clearly! Learning about hypotonic jerks and befriending wakefulness and everything else, all of it is really just steps towards abandoning efforts… exactly. And a paradox that I often come across is people telling me that if we are supposed to not do anything, then why do we have to listen to these videos or read books or things like that? Well sometimes we have to learn a little to see that there’s nothing to learn. We can do a little to see that there’s nothing to do. We can understand a bit to see that there’s nothing to understand 🙂

[@valerie963]

@@thesleepcoachschool8192question - is there a specific video of yours about how to befriend being awake? I’m just done watching your playlist ending with how to avoid panic attacks, but was curious if there was a specific one for befriending our dear friend wakefulness.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi, yes it’s in the This is Natto playlist

[@raosahebsuryavanshi84]

@The Sleep Coach School. My father has had chronic insomnia on and off for the past 30 years. He is 49 years old. He used to take 0.5 Alprazolam if he couldn’t sleep and it seemed to work..On regular basis, he is fine with 5-6 hours of sleep. But, from the past last week, it has been really bad for him. He just can’t sleep, even after taking Alprazolam. What should he do? Btw, he got insomnia because of anxiety and stress.

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi RS, I’m sorry to hear that your dad has struggled but glad you’re asking on his behalf. And you know, this is one of those questions that there is no easy answer. Except education. Learning what insomnia is, why nothing we do to sleep can make us sleep, all these things I think are really what sets the foundation for leaving the struggle. I think the This is Natto and the success stories playlists are great places to start. Now this said, here is some teaching on the tricky thing with sleeping pills. - One common objection when you hear that anything you do to escape being awake makes you have more trouble is that you recall this one thing that actually worked. When you took that medication, or when you were very physically active, that did indeed help. You slept more and worried less. Isn’t this evidence that you actually can escape even a perceived threat? No. But you can find a cave. In fact, this is exactly what you’re looking for when you’re scared. You’re looking for a safe place where the Grizzly bear can’t get you. And when you believe for example in a medication, or in the power of exercise, then that can boost your courage. You feel you have something at your disposal that can make you safe. Something that can help you sleep. Something that keeps you out of reach from the claws and jaws of that bear. You have a safe cave. Here’s the thing, it truly feels good having found some safety and some control. There’s no doubt about that whatsoever. The cave feels good, until it doesn't. The problem with being in the cave is that the underlying confusion hasn’t changed at all. You still believe that there is a Grizzly bear out there looking for you. You’ve just found a safe hiding spot. And sooner or later, it will find you again. When you’re going through some stress or change, you sleep little even when you take the medication or do your exercise. And now, it’s as if even the cave isn’t safe anymore. You’re once again face to face with the Grizzly bear and you have to go deeper into the cave or find a new one. Now the cave doesn’t seem so appealing any more. The place you went to for safety becomes more and more of a prison. And this all happened because it felt like something did work. It felt good having some safety, a shelter, a hiding place. This is why it is so important not to look for a cave but rather to understand that there is no Grizzly bear! There’s just a little confusion that’s all. Because when you see this, the cave actually no longer is a problem! You can now see with clarity what direction you should be heading in: outside to befriend wakefulness, rather than inside to escape it. And when you have this clarity, you can look at having been in a cave or looking for one as an important educational step in your journey. - Hope this helps!

[@user-zq4dj9ph3k]

Hi Coach My question is can I work on relieving the anxiety that I feel during the day without a care for my sleep. I just want to be okay with not sleeping. I want to move past the process of intrusive thoughts and just unnecessary sadness that accompanies not sleeping. If I just work on my anxiety irrespective of sleep, is it the right approach to it?

[@iamhere88502]

What are your views on insomnia as a result of long covid? Do you think it's hyperarousal or something physiological?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi! I have a non holistic view - meaning, to me insomnia comes from fear, by definition. Circumstances can make us have some sleep disruption, but only hyperarousal can maintain insomnia. Let’s look in some detail! - It’s true that things like an infection, noise, hormone levels, alcohol, withdrawals, medications, side effects and thousands of circumstances can cause sleep disruption. But this is totally different from insomnia. And here is how you can tell one from the other: Sleep disruption is obvious. I was binge drinking and slept poorly. My husband snores like crazy and that’s annoying. The reason for not sleeping well is clear so there’s (1) no pondering/wondering/questioning/researching and (2) no fear or anxiety. Insomnia on the other hand is when there’s an ongoing struggle and it’s not clear that it’s the fear of not sleeping that’s driving the trouble. Therefore there are many questions as for why there’s no or choppy sleep, there’s researching and many theories, there’s trying things to sleep more. There are many teaching points here by the main ones are that the sleep disruption caused by an endless number of circumstances is real, but it’s not self-perpetuating. It stops when circumstances change. And if circumstances don’t change, then the sleep disruption will be at the level where it’s expected. Insomnia on the other hand ends when there’s understanding and clarity and you know nothing is wrong with you and there’s no more fear. Now here’s the thing: when it’s difficult to tell if we have sleep disruption or insomnia, it can seem important to figure out which it is. And this in itself can lead to lots of struggle. In reality, it isn’t important because both call for the same: they are both an invitation to okness. If we have a sleep disruption then this is an inevitable consequence of circumstances we cannot change. A call for no action. If we have insomnia then this is a surface manifestation of fear and it’s driven by the things we do to escape this fear. A call for no action.

[@JW-qz4jl]

How you doing? I’m dealing with anxiety and insomnia after Covid as well

[@truongnguyen53]

I have a question: I know my problem is afraid of being awake and I also know that this fear is only from my own thinking and not real. I have many speed bumps from trying to be awake (watching tv, educating myself that my thinkings are only the cause of the problem). How can I stop trying and giving up thinking about being awake ?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Truong, Yes you know, this is like perhaps the most important and tricky question of all. When Sasha Stephens was a guest here I asked her and she said “Daniel, there’s as if there’s a problem with the question itself”. Indeed there is, there’s a built in assumption that this is something we can do. It’s quite tricky as said but anyways, here’s how I look at this: It can be a bit tricky and confusing when you understand that letting go is the key but you just seem to not be able to let go. What makes it confusing is that letting go is actually not something you can decide to do willfully. Letting go basically means not thinking so much about sleep or not giving sleep so much attention. And here’s the thing: no human can decide what to not think about. In fact, if someone asks you not to think about a pink elephant you think about what? Yes, a pink elephant. In other words, actively trying to let go actually leads to the opposite, it leads to us to give more attention to that which we don’t want to think so much about. So what to do? Here’s the counterintuitive answer - allow any thoughts to happen, take note of them and be kind to yourself. When you think about something you don’t want to think about or you “shouldn’t” think about, then just take note of this. Perhaps write it down. You can even set a time every day to write down thoughts that come often. Equally important, when these thoughts recur, be super kind to yourself! Remember you can’t control your brain, but when you keep from blaming yourself, then everything just gets easier and easier.

[@truongnguyen53]

Thanks Daniel. You are very right. More I try to get sleep obsession out of my mind, more I’m hook to it. After you, I should ooen the fear of being awake

[@truongnguyen53]

After you, I should open the fear of being awake into my thinking and try to be nice with me? Thanks again

[@truongnguyen53]

Sorry, May be I didn’t express correctly my idea: I’m not trying to block the fear of being awake, I did allow this fear enter into my thinking and I appeased the fear by telling that the fear is not a real (not a true grizzly bear). The fear is because I think to much about the consequences of being awake at night and those thinkings are always wrong (because I did have many sleepless nights and in the next day, I was always in full shape). Even though my fear is not as strong, I still cannot feel to sleep. My question is : is “my trick” doesn’t work anymore? And if yes, do I not thinking about this trick anymore?

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Oh got it! I see Truong, you in fact have been more and more ok with the fear being there, and you have seen it fade, but it still takes some time before sleep happens. If I understood this correctly, firstly I would say that it’s so nice how you’ve experienced the magic of letting things be, this makes me glad 😊 And you know, whatever we do to be more ok with discomfort, without any other intent (like trying to be more ok with being anxious to achieve more sleep, here there’s pressure and intent!) that I believe is never a trick, rather it’s the way! Now what can be confusing is that we are less afraid.. but don’t sleep more. I call this the wonder wall and it’s very common. Let’s look at this! - It can often seem odd that you don’t sleep even though you’re not anxious. Of course it does because if anxiety was the reason you had trouble sleeping, then when it fades you should sleep right? Here’s the thing, anything that makes us hyperaroused can keep sleep from happening. Imagine a kid before Christmas for example. They’re excited, not anxious. You know what else can create hyperarousal? Curiousity! Or puzzlement, being bewildered. So when you’re thinking “I’m not anxious so why am I not sleeping?” the answer is right there. It’s now the curiosity that’s keeping you awake! A natural next question becomes, so how do I become less curious? Guess what, you probably already have. Because when you understand something, there’s no mystery and less for the brain to figure out. But the best of all is that you’re less anxious. That may not seem like a big step right now because you slept little, but it is. As the anxiety fades and you’re no longer puzzled, sleep will come to you! - Did this make sense?

[@laceyjayfiedler]

Can it be normal to take awhile to fall asleep? I find a panic if it seems like forever(I don’t have a clock in my room) I feel like a lot of people seem to fall asleep right away

[@thesleepcoachschool8192]

Hi Daxton, you know when we are scared or excited, it takes a while to sleep for everyone so this is very normal. And knowing something is normal often helps in itself!